The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 2

i-amemptyi-show-youwhat-youwant-to-see

There is a vast emptiness inside of me.

Whatever was meant to be there is not there and instead this chasm remains, an expansive void that is dark, deep and perpetual. I remain ahead of this void because it wants to consume me and in so doing consign me to oblivion. This relentless black hole wants to devour me, breaking down all that I have achieved and crushing them into nothingness, a final insult against me as I disappear without trace. A terrible matter to contemplate that as this extinction is aimed at me is the prospect of never having mattered, never having existed and never having made a mark on the world. To be erased in an instant, obliterated and deleted.

I am fearless in all that I do, save that is this void, this nothing which is the architect of one total fear. It is against this constant fate that I drive forward. You see, hurled into this void is The Creature and he is scrabbling to escape it so that with dreadful suicidal intent he can wrap his sinewy arms about me, his yellowed and sharpened teeth plunging into my neck, his venom paralysing me as he gurgles and giggles, hauling me backwards off the precipice and into the void, the pair of us plummeting into oblivion.

That must not happen.

In order to keep him deep, deep down in the void it is necessary to imprison him and keep his vile and seditious whispers silenced. This means filling the void. Imagine he lurks at its very deepest point. He wishes to keep the void as it is. Vast and empty, since by doing so he will be able to then clamber out and grab me, dragging me down back into the void. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can reach out of it unhindered. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can destroy me through its unrelenting absence of anything.

I cannot have emptiness.

This void must be filled and it is filled with fuel. Each piece of fuel places a layer within the void and behind each layer The Creature becomes imprisoned. Oh he will wail and protest but as those layers become thicker and more numerous his wretched cat calls become muffled and then silenced. He cannot break through these layers, he cannot reach out and burst through the constructed layers to sabotage my existence. Each layer differs in depth, strength and duration in accordance with the type of fuel that I am able to gather and place within the void, fashioning my construct.

The smile from a stranger is a thin and ephemeral sliver. The admiration from a newly acquired primary source is a dense and durable slab that protects me and makes the construct strong. Piece by piece, layer by layer, each segment of fuel, positive and negative, reinforces the construct, fills the void and keep The Creature at bay.

One cannot rest for these pieces dissipate and melt away through time. The Creature picks at them, claws at them, raking through them. Your treacherous criticism punches massive great holes in them allowing the mocking howls of The Creature to echo to me. See now why we hate criticism so vehemently?

Fuel fills the void. Fuel creates the construct.

The fastest way to gather fuel is to show you what you want to see for then you will pour forth with your love, your delight, your admiration and your appreciation. Marvellous, edifying and filling is your fuel. If I show you the very thing that you want to see, namely yourself, you will give me this fuel more readily, with such potency, often and in huge amounts. I have not time to build something of substance for you to fall in love with, to admire and desire. I must create it with due expedience and what better way than to use that which already exists, namely you. Thus, I show you yourself through my mirror and you fall for that image believing it to be me, believing it to be my essence and substance.

You do not realise that you are seeking yourself and indeed you do not see yourself when I mirror you back at yourself. You are conned by my fakery into thinking that it is my substance that you see and it dazzles and enchants you. I care not. So long as you are providing me with that fuel, I will hold up that mirror to you and let you fall in love with yourself. It is an artifice, a fabrication and fakery but it is necessary.

I give you what you want. It is not real but it seems so real to you and thus your responses are in fact real. The delicious fuel flows and I want you to pour it into me, filling me up, creating a barrier of salvation between me and the Creature as you are chief architect in the plans to frustrate and defeat his attempt to dethrone me.

This is why when you are installed as primary source and your wonderful fuel flows you truly are everything that matters to us.

You are our salvation and if holding a mirror up to achieve this salvation is what must be done, then it will be done.

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62 Comments

  1. The creature is the pain , the pain that you do everything possible not to feel. The pain that you fear and abhorse so much .As long as you avoid the pain , the creature will be there in the depth of you and you are going to be a slave to it.

    The void is the absence of feelings that you created , so that you can avoid the pain.

    But the numbness , the absence of feelings excludes all and most primary love ( love is the opposite of fear).
    So the void has to be filled with the emotions of other people, that is your fuel. Here you create the misery of everyone that comes close to you.

    Without pain there is no real hapinnes , without sadness there is no joy, without embracing your fear there is no love , so there is no real life.

    How much false grandiosity one needs to constucts to avoid pain!!!
    And how much misery for the humans around him / her consequently.
    Lives spent in nothingness. Because you by no means must feel the pain, this is your creature.

    You are the only one who could tame the creature. But you do not want , because the way of ” fuel” is easier , safer for you. And besides, you persuaded yourself in this process that you are superior .

    Nina

  2. Very polite, HG. Yes, I meant narcissists, not narcissistic people. But I did not notice that, when I wrote it. My failure. (I know how important accuracy is for you.)

    I have experienced some very strange things with my narc, but I never saw things like that with my mother. I am still curious about his creature (what a bad trait) , but I will never know exactly. I still believe, that I know more about his creature, than he ever wanted to let me see.

        1. Thank you. I will post the address details of my gatekeeper for you and others to send me the Deutz champagne!

          1. That’s just the address of your minion, not of your Manor (I even capitalize the word). I know he is your gatekeeper but you would never give your own address, would you? Although we already know it is Hell.

            1 Hellsheadquarter Avenue
            Satansmentorshire HG 1

            Will send the bottle of Champagne to Daffodilham though. It will keep cooler there.

          2. But I suppose it will soon be
            1 Shieldmaidenfjord Gate
            Salvationland Norway

            I will send the bottle there. Skåll!

      1. HG
        I remember the excitement for 3 million and now theres a 1 in front. Onwards to another 1 in front of that.
        Congratulations.

      1. NarcAngel
        Ha ha ha….no shit! The Bar Fight search was probably the one comment that caused the most hits.

          1. Mercy and Renarde

            Ha ha ha…here you go ladies! Enjoy the bar fight!

            HG Tudor
            FEBRUARY 2, 2017 AT 14:11
            Indy,

            I lost control on an evening out prior to Christmas. There was a long simmering tension between he and I. He purposefully pushed in front of me at a bar we were in. Ordinarily that would not be a problem, but because it was him and I knew how deliberate it was and that he was trying to show me up in front of my coterie and his friends, it ignited my fury. I erupted and attacked him owing to this loss of control. It was swift and he had no chance to defend himself because of the frenzied onslaught. He deserved it, is an unpleasant person and I know he will not take the matter further because of the other matters I know about him which would cause him far more trouble than it would to me. The impact on him was hospitalisation and he has not dared to appear in my spheres of influence since. His reaction (and those around him) provided a considerable injection of fuel which abated my fury so it abated as quickly as it appeared and I turned to my friends and asked them what they wanted to drink.

            https://narcsite.com/2017/01/10/the-lesser-narcissist-five-facts/#comment-68228

          2. Hahaha HGs a brawler! Kinda sexy to see a smart guy that can land a punch then order a drink after as if nothing happened. Thanks K!!

          3. My pleasure Mercy!
            Punching someone out and then ordering drinks as if nothing happened is an excellent example of split thinking.

    1. One could divide the world up in such a way, yes – there is always somewhere a line can be placed so that people fall one side or the other, but as we know, one can add many, many divisions too just that one.

  3. This makes me sad.Prayers for all of your kind.I have alot of mixed emotions from my experience with a covert Narcissist.Any sadness for him comes from a realization of what you just explained..I imagined this was how he was experiencing things.Thank you for the insight of your world.Janet

  4. I think this also helps to explain how the narc picks up character traits?
    What should I read to learn more about this?
    My greater narc I noticed has used me to learn about other areas (tech) and even give better presentations (he now copies my ability to present.) I think also narcs are great at learning languages because they can pickup new accents easily if they are around the right natives. Have others seen this?

    1. Amanda S
      I only know about my own narcs, but not a single one of them is any good at other languages. My FIL lived in Germany for three years and learned no German. It was like pulling teeth to get my oldest son thru first year Spanish in high school. He literally could not hear the difference in how letters were pronounced. My Pretzel actually took French one 3 times and could only conjugate “être” and “avoir” in present tense. None of the other family narcs were any good at languages, either.

      Of course we live in a rural area where knowing other languages is considered useless. They all grew up without hearing any language but English. I’d be more inclined to think that is the important criteria. If a narc grows up hearing other languages, then maybe he will be able to pick them up easier. But I’d say that growing up with foreign language exposure is the key.

      1. Lesser and Mid Range see no need to speak other languages (in the main) owing to their sense of entitlement and lack of accountability – higher echelon narcissists will do so in order to be more effective in relation to their activities (professional and private) which of course garners more fuel. I can speak several languages and my NarcSpeak of course is impeccable.

        1. HG
          That fits with my experience, also. Here where we live, there is no advantage to knowing another language. If by chance you found yourself in need of one, you would find a minion to translate.

          Pretzel took great pride in never learning any French, despite being required to take the classes. Was it a coincidence that French was my major and Spanish my minor at university? Ha, ha! No. He got much fuel in dismissing language study as irrelevant, thereby dismissing my entire program of studies and therefore all my achievements and awards.

          1. NarcAngel
            No. Like I said, there’s little need for foreign language here – especially French.

            Now that he is a prosecuting attorney, there are a lot of immigrants in the city where he practices law, but they are Eastern European, Vietnamese or Hispanic. He has minions for that, when needed. I imagine he uses his lack of knowledge of their language as a sign that they are insignificant, that speaking their language is unnecessary for those in power – like himself.

          2. Windstorm
            Can I ask why you took those languages then? Just interest or had you intended to live or work where they would be required?

          3. Certainly NarcAngel. When I was 10, my father gave me 4 bilingual dictionaries, to introduce me to the concept that languages were interconnected. I was totally fascinated that a “table” was not called “table” everywhere on earth.

            When I got to university, I wanted to study as many languages as possible, and I did. I was just interested in languages. Making money out of them was immaterial. I actually did get a job out of university using my languages at the headquarters of a major company, which was actually in south central Kentucky. But that was just a fluke. I studied foreign language solely because it was interesting to me.

            Pretzel ok’ed this major because we figured I could get a job teaching French and Spanish in high school. He even payed for me to go to summer school in Spain so I would have actual foreign language experience – the better to get a foreign language teaching job.

          4. Windstorm
            Thank you. I wondered your motivation and Pretzel’s support (or lack thereof) and view of you doing so.

    2. My Mid-range elite sister was really good at learning languages. She was fluent in Mandarin and can converse in Spanish. She also maintained a fake semi-British accent called Mid-Atlantic accent. This made her stand out and her accent herself is a conversational piece that she used to tell people about her life overseas. Although our dad could also speak several languages so I don’t know if it was his influence on her. And I can also speak 3 languages and I didn’t even grow up with her. Maybe genetics is a factor as well.

  5. That must be what my narc meant by “she was the void”…..after claiming to want to be with me to eternity and the next week, betrays me to be with her. she went on to marry someone else in the end. bummer for him….NOT.

  6. It’s unfortunate that The Creature you mentioned is such a big part of the problem and would only have a secondary role in the solution, H.G. Any criticism of self, however accurate, is completely worthless without the primary requirement of unconditional love. Your love is always conditional, even to yourself. Therefore The Creature appears as a demonic wolf to you, lunging at your essence. In the glorious light of love, he is nothing more than a helpful adviser.

    1. This is quite profound, Sam. It feels like you hit this nail right on the head with, “Your love is always conditional, even to yourself.”

      I can just picture my ex-narc, how he’d be pleased with himself if a, b, and c were in order as he placed it there, and how he’d be ashamed and off if he could not achieve that order. He was compulsive in this way, in his own attempts to live up to his own high expectations.

    1. Thanks for asking.. I was just wondering if I’ve seen the creature.. the amount of times I thought that I needed a flipping exorcist or priest to come over are quite a few! I really mean that too! Took him to hospital and called paramedics out. Of course the behaviour suddenly got better in front of other people..

  7. I find it hard to believe that mirroring brings so much success. Maybe it works for confident and positive people. I am an introvert, insecure, boring and socially inept person, but I fall only for confident and charismatic people, so mirroring wouldn’t work for me.

    1. Hi Liane,
      I’ve always been somewhat insecure and shy. When I met my narc, he was very outgoing and confident. He made me feel confident just by his lavish attention. He was very good looking and I thought I was out of his league. I was thrilled when he told me how beautiful I was, and how other men in my life were stupid for not seeing what a great catch I was.
      Truth is, I’m not ugly or weird. I was just insecure and he spotted that in me from across the room. He built up my confidence and made me realize that I was good enough. I began to believe him because it was true all along.
      Of course he began the devaluation and tried to tear me down. It worked for a little while, but I soon realized that the confidence he helped me to realize in myself never totally went away. It was there all along. I guess he deserves that bit of credit. I’m sure my confidence would have developed without him, it just happened to be him that gave me that push.
      Does this make sense?

      1. Hi again Liane,
        I wanted to tweak my previous comment cause I sound like a blowhard. I am in no way insinuating that introverted and shy people are weird. And I certainly wouldn’t win any beauty contests.
        Narcs purposely seek out people like us. The wallflowers, the shy and uncomfortable ones. I was told all my life that no man wants a woman with red hair and freckles. I wasn’t tall enough, thin enough, or smart enough..THANKS DAD! Anyway, that’s what I grew up hearing.
        It’s difficult to bring confidence into someone who doesn’t see that they are good enough. He taught me to love my naked body and red hair! I may have been stupid to believe words coming from him, but he did change how I perceived myself.
        Also, he didn’t ‘try’ to tear me down with devaluation. He hit me over the head with his nastiness for 10 years! It took me a long time to realize I hadn’t lost ALL of my self confidence and love of myself.
        They hunt for our kind Liane. They see us as very moldable and easy to control. Which we are to a point.
        Yeah, he was good looking, but even if you dip a piece of shit in gold, it’s still a piece of shit. They are very good at what they do.
        I hope this one makes a little more sense :).

    2. I’ve not seen you comment before Liane, could be wrong but in any case, welcome to our Merry Band!

      Oh lovely. Your comment about mirroring means, actually that it’s working a treat against you already. I say this with the greatest of respect because I think you’ve just stumbled into your own ‘bear trap’.

      Mirroring is so so powerful a tool for both sides actually. But only if it’s done skilfully. HG does write about this (possibly K could help?), in reference, could an E fake emotions back to the N? The essence of mirroring itself.

    1. It is true, however to embrace your question, how would one ascertain this and furthermore this is likely to contain considerable risk which need not be taken. Keep in mind that the majority of our kind would be denied any choice in the matter anyway.

        1. No, Mona, not narcissistic people but narcissists do. You might have meant that and it got lost in translation.

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