Contrariwise

Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

Makes perfect sense to me but I should imagine it will not to you. Welcome to the logic of my world. The penchant that our kind and me exhibit for telling you that black is white and when you eventually agree (and you will no matter how ridiculous this may appear) we will tell you that it was black all along. Or orange. Or azure.

Our ability to deploy contrariwise must rank amongst one of the most confusing, infuriating and draining manipulative techniques that we possess. Well, judging by your reactions when we wheel this out it is. In all honesty, it is used so often it may as well be a default setting. No matter what you say to us we will automatically adopt a contrary position even if that contrary position appears to you as untenable and that it flies in the face of logic. We will always find ways of undermining, denying and deflecting what you are saying to us, most particularly if you are trying to make us look bad, prove we are wrong or you are challenging us in some way. We cannot allow those things to happen. We have a number of standard phrases that we will use in furtherance of this ability.

“Why must you always exaggerate?”

“No, I have never done that.”

“You are over-reacting. Again.”

“I think you will find that you are being sensitive, I did not mean it the way you are interpreting it.”

“You always look at it the wrong way.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Your memory is playing tricks on you.”

“You/he/she/the world is making things up.”

“If you say so but you have got it wrong.”

“I never do that.”

“You always have to make a scene don’t you?”

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Our capacity to be presented with evidence of something and then in the next breath deny the existence of that evidence is staggering. We will reject what you say, deny we ever said anything (even though we actually said it just ten minutes ago) and twist our position so many times we appear to turn into a corkscrew.

Why do we do this? It serves three purposes. The first is because we are never wrong then we must never be shown to be wrong. You seem to have a fascination for trying to demonstrate to us that we are wrong about the things we say and do. That is a nonsense. We cannot be wrong and you must accept that. Our use of contrariwise enables us to ensure that we remain right and you remain wrong. It is entirely logical to us. If it is not so to you then that is your problem. You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs. Do not try and deny that it is the case otherwise we will just have to provide you with some more contrariwise.

The second reason that we do this is that we have to have you in a state of confusion. This means that being a creature of order and logic you will try and make sense of our contrariwise which will merely serve to put your head in a spin. Furthermore, you cannot help yourself but want to show us that we are wrong. You cannot accept that we are unable to see the point that you are making. That is entirely the point. You are subjected to our rules now and logic, reason and sense rode out of town many moons ago. This confusion will leave you susceptible to our other manipulations and drain you of your resistance and resolve making it harder for you to escape our grip.

The third reason is down to our lifeblood, yes fuel. Your evident frustration, curses and desperation as you try to make us see that we are wrong provides us with delicious dollops of fuel. You tear your hair out, repeat yourself, raise your voice and collapse sobbing in frustration. It is all good fuel to us. No matter if you argued the point with the forensic precision of a top barrister we would twist the words so they achieve what we want and not what you want. To borrow from Lewis Carrol’s fantastic writing I leave you with the words of humpty dumpty, who was clearly a pioneer of our kind.

“When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean.”

 

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10 Comments

  1. Thank you. Facing Contrariwise without this knowledge is like playing a game of thumb war after your thumb has been half severed. You have given us a measure of resistance against a powerful and disturbing mind game. What compels you to help us? Fuel from primary sources who request your insight? Income? Therapy?

      1. I believe your statement that treatment was forced upon you was tongue in cheek, H.G. Even if any court had ordered it, your decision to work with professionals and the degree to which you do so would be your choice alone. Based on what you’ve told us about yourself, it is not in your nature to accept another’s will unless it aligns with your own. Indeed, the greatest impediment to your freedom from this sickness is a loss of power. Healthy people can be powerful, but their healthiness requires a greater measure of vulnerability. Power, on the other hand, is an enslaving drug that can be difficult to let go of. Karen and those in your garden of grotesque could not save you because what they wanted required freedom from this most addictive drug.

          1. HG

            You caught my attention as I was walking out, your ready to let go of this power you have always had a need for?

            It seems I am having a harder time letting go of this site. It has been a big part of increasing my knowledge and getting to know others. For a long time I didn’t think I belonged, I still don’t yet I don’t know of any other place that I might be able to share my perspective openly and be accepted instead of looked at as a freak of nature.

            Power is addictive….it is a hard thing to just give up. I understand this, I have never been addicted to power yet I was/am addicted to something just as bad. I walked away from it, even today i “hear” it’s call, I feel it’s embrace in the distance all I have to do is say yes……not fucking happening

            I already said I had faith in you HG…..I always have sense the beginning. Are you ready to let go of the power?

  2. Yep, I recognize all of that in my Narcissist husband. He could quite literally argue that Black is White and East is West, and even provide the ‘evidence’ to substantiate his claims.
    It matters not one iota to him that his ‘evidence’ is flawed and his logic is totally nuts. As far as he is concerned, it’s his way or the highway.
    I figured out some time ago that my bewilderment and my attempts to make him see that he is wrong is simply his way of getting that much needed fuel.
    Occasionally, he will actually admit that maybe he was wrong…..but then he will say something like ‘but 99% of the time I am RIGHT and it is YOU who are wrong’.
    This extremely rare admission that he is wrong only happens when he realizes that he has pushed me to the absolute limits of my patience and that I am seriously thinking of walking out the door.
    Now, as he is very ill and in his 60s, he is absolutely aware that he would find it nigh on impossible to replace such a valued commodity as me, and this is of course the reason that he occasionally has to eat humble pie. I am certain that he chokes on every bit of that humble pie.
    Sometimes I even get an apology no less! This only happens when he knows that he has gone a bit too far.
    Now of course, if he was still in his prime, when he was young and handsome and literally had women falling at his feet, and when he had a very high position in the military and was earning huge amounts of money, I am quite aware that I would have been discarded fairly early on in our relationship.
    I would have perhaps been kept on the back burner and reeled in as and when he needed something from me that his other sources of supply could not provide.
    The strange thing is…..I feel so sorry for him. I really do. One of the saddest and most pitiful sights has got to be the Narcissist in old age age and failing health.
    I understand that deep down, all Narcissists hate themselves. As I have said in a previous article, I am convinced that the roots of all Cluster B personality disorders are childhood abuse/trauma.
    Deep down inside, my husband loathes himself more than he could ever put in to words.
    He has lost everything that made him feel worthwhile…..his looks, his high powered job, his friends, his family, his hopes, his dreams……everything.
    He has sired literally dozens of children and left their pregnant mothers to get on with raising HIS child all by themselves.
    He has admitted this to me. In a very rare moment of self awareness, he told to me that one of his biggest mistakes in life was not marrying and having children.
    It brought tears to my eyes, because it always comes back to the same thing: I am dealing with a terribly abused little boy in a man’s body.
    When I look at my husband, that is what I see. That terrified 9 year old kid…….abused in every horrible way that you can think of.
    Does this justify his appalling behaviour? Of course not……BUT…….it makes me realize that no-one is born this way and there is a reason for everything.
    A long time ago, something died inside that abused little boy…….the capacity to TRULY love was destroyed and in its place a monster was conceived.
    He hasn’t got many years left in this world…..I will love and care for him till the end…….it’s strange…….it’s almost like I have become the mother that he never had…..the mother who was supposed to love him and protect and who failed to do so.
    Btw Mr. Tudor…..your articles are excellent.

  3. Oh yes Humpty Dumpty was a narc “The question is, which is to be master, that’s all.”

  4. Maybe, just maybe, you need to see things from the other side of the mirror…”Twas brillig, and the slithy toves /Did gyre and gimble in the wabe…”
    My favorite Alice book.

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