Narc Magnet
You are a magnet. You attract our kind. You have done so at least once and you will continue to do so. Again and again. There is no hope for anything else. As an empath, super empath or co-dependent you radiate with the traits which draw us to you. Hitherto you had no awareness that this was the case. You would enter a room and be oblivious to the heads that turned your way as our kind detected your presence. You would have noticed that you were receiving the attention of people, but back then you had no knowledge of who was engaging with you or why that was the case. You have several sets of traits which appeal to us. These are the empathic traits, the class traits and the special traits. It is your empathic traits which stand out most of all.
These are evident in the way that you behave, the words you say, the gestures you use and the expressions that form on your face. The way your interact with people, the way you look about a room, the way you walk, the way you sit, the place you decide to sit and so many other things indicate to us your empathic nature. In the same way that everything we do is marked with the taint of our narcissism, everything that you do is stamped with the essence of your empathic traits.
When you walk into the hunting ground of our kind, you are identified promptly as exhibiting potential. It as if you give off a fuel signature, like some kind of scent which our kind smells and recognises as soon as you come near. You once did not see the Lesser as he leant against the bar and noticed you as soon as you entered the premises, his eyes fixed on you as he observed your entrance. The Mid-Ranger would look up from where was sat and find himself drawn to you, that unmistakable essence which you give off, being picked up and identified. Both Lesser and Mid-Range would not know why they wanted to engage with you save that they felt a compulsion to do so.
This need arises in the same way that a lion knows that it is hungry and therefore it must find some prey. The Lesser and the Mid-Ranger’s antennae twitch as you the empath walk through the bar. They are alerted to your presence and then they will watch and pick up on the other indicators which tell them what you are.
The Greater sees you and knows what you are. His lascivious grin indicative of the thoughts which are running through his mind as he begins to assess your suitability. You are signalling to him who you are, that you are empathic, that fuel is passing him by and an opportunity has presented itself.
Once upon a time you were oblivious. You walked through this den of narcissistic intent, unaware of the parasitic creatures that waited to climb down from their waiting perches so that they could engage with you, coil about you and draw you into their web with their silver-tongues and charm. You just thought they were being pleasant, polite and taking an interest. You had no idea how much danger you were in as you allowed your empathic traits to shine like a beacon. Each and every day you radiated these traits, issuing a sub-conscious “come and get me” to our kind. How good it felt to receive this attention. How pleasant it was to be courted in this manner.
As our kind picked up on your empathic scent and were drawn to you, they sought additional confirmations, assessing your class traits and hopefully special traits too, through a combination of instinct and design, dependent on which school of narcissist you had engaged with.
You do this as as easily as you inhale and exhale. Your traits are imprinted on you and they are indelible. They are part of your core and you cannot remove them. You cannot flick a switch and turn off these empathic traits. They are you. Imagine you will if some kind of glasses were created which allowed a physical representation of your empathic traits as hues of red light. If one donned those glasses and looked into this hunting ground as above, a bar perhaps, then one would see several things.
First there would be the normals who would have a slight red glow about them, indicating some empathic traits but limited in number and extent. There would be the dark and empty spaces which are where our kind lurk, the empathic traits completely devoid. Next one would see the dancing trails of scarlet and rose that signify the empath. The roaring flames of riotous red which blaze and indicate the presence of the super empath and then the supernova of bright red which is the signature of the co-dependent. As your gaze swept the room, one would see these differing hues and varying intensity, all indicative of the ever present empathic traits.
It is impossible for you to become incognito. You are unable to remove your empathic traits. You cannot switch them off and pass undetected. Accordingly, you will always stand out to our kind. You will always be identifiable, you will be seen and therefore if our kind is in the vicinity, whether physically proximate or through the accessibility of technology, we will be drawn to you. Like sharks which scent blood, like the hungry dog which smells meat, we pick you out and converge on you in anticipation of the fuel that will flow from you.
You will aways be a magnet for our kind. You have been created with empathic traits and you will always keep them. You will remain that beacon which we see and flock to. You will always attract us.
Of course you may learn to dampen down the manifestation of your empathic traits by altering some of your behaviours. Certain actions, words and gestures might be reduced, lessened and altered to reduce the extent of the empathic traits which you exhibit, but your traits always shine through and you cannot maintain this cloaking for long. It is contrary to who you are how you conduct yourself. Your empathic traits are so extensive that even when you have suffered the beasting at our hands and mouths, that when you have been drained, numbed and exhausted, the empathic traits will remain.
The empath will not shine with them as brightly and following the full horror of the devaluation and discard,t he empath will not function with such an obvious display of empathic traits because the brutality of the treatment will cause some diminution in function and display.
The super empath will continue to display these empathic traits because this person has the capacity to endure so much and then still have sufficient function to escape what has happened, once there is the eventual realisation as to what has happened. Once the super empath has had enough, they will seek their escape and their empathic traits continue to shine brightly.
The co-dependent, no matter how brow-beaten, how ground into the dirt he or she is, will continue to exhibit those empathic traits because the co-dependent would rather give you his or her last breath rather than take it for themselves. They continue to give, even when there seems there is nothing more that can be taken and thus their empathic traits remain on display.
This is why it is so often the case that you are almost passed from one of our kind to another. You are discarded but your empathic traits remain evident and thus another of our kind flocks to you, ready to gorge on the fuel which is generated by your empathic traits. Even if you escape, you continue to signal your suitability to us. You are unable to do anything other than stand out in this way.
It is only when you have gained the insight and understanding into knowing who it is that you keep attracting and why, that you finally learn what to watch out for. You cannot change what you are, indeed, why should you? What you can alter is your ability to identify us when we make that bee-line for you. As you radiate empathic traits, we also exhibit the narcissistic traits which once understood and once recognised in the behaviour of the everyday, mean you finally see and take notice of the red flags, flashing lights and blaring klaxons which herald this danger.
You will always be destined to be a magnet for us. That will never change. We will flock to you, be attracted to you and seek you out, our instincts seeking that scent of the empath which tells us that our needs will be met and fuel will be provided.
You will draw our interest and attention because the empathic traits flow from you. You will, once you gain the knowledge and understanding, know who it is who has joined you at the bar and flashed you that winning smile and then you can the seize the power.
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I’ve had a taste and I want more!
Laaurie, I’m sorry about your husband. That must be a very hard thing to go through. It can be very lonely in a narcissist relationship and I’m sure what you are dealing with makes it even harder. I think being here will bring you some comfort to help you get through.
You made a few comments about women on this site being infatuated or worshipping HG. I think it’s a little unfair to make these assumptions without getting to know his readers first. You will find that there are alot of personalities here but we are all here to learn and support each other. Sometimes there are jokes and laughs but that’s because we’ve become familiar with each other. It’s not worshipping, its just normal interactions. I also think with you having traits of a contagion empath you have a lot to offer in our learning and you will find that there are others here that can relate to you because they experience the same feelings you have.
Take care
Hello Mercy and thank you so much for your kind words. On reflection I agree with you that what I said was ignorant and unfair………what I took for ‘infatuation’ towards Mr. Tudor is actually the readers of this site having a laugh and a joke and I stand corrected and offer my apologies to those I have offended.
Humor is often one of the best ways to get through trauma and I hold my hands up……I was bang out of order in what I said.
Tc Mercy, x
Laurie, no need to apologize. We are glad to have you here!
Mercy
There are many here that are actually infatuated with HG, I don’t point them out due to the fact I understand why this can and does happen.
It can look to be joking and having a good time, for some it isn’t. I can feel the difference between those who are and who are not.
I mean no offense to you, only that no one here actually understands the Contagion school except for a Contagion. I have stayed quite for reasons that have dealt with my ex and HG has been generous and extremely helpful when it has come to this.
Twilight, I realize there are some that are infatuated. I think this is normal, he’s a charming man. I don’t think that because we are victims of abuse that we automatically should be excluded from appreciating an intelligent charming man. I do agree that in some cases it may not be healthy but for the most part it is innocent and safe. There are some of us that are here because this is a place where we can be ourselves in a time that we are trying to build our self esteem back up from the abuse.
I’m not offended at all by your comment. I know you are right that there are a few. The other day I was browsing the internet and looked up reviews of HGs site. A few raved about his work then went on to say that we, as his readers, are like a cult worshipping him. It was hurtful because I’ve gotten to know the readers here and I know that we are all just trying to get through. We are struggling to find answers so that we can find some normalcy in our lives again. It felt like victim shaming. I wish that people like that would come here and interact with us like Laurie has. They will see that it’s more than worshipping. It’s a very intelligent group of people learning and having intellectual conversations for the most part.
I did mean what I said to Laurie about her having contagion traits, and that she has alot to offer here. I don’t know much about your school of empath and I’m curious to learn.
Thanks for your reply ♥️
There is no cult here, only sensible, constructive readers who wish to learn and exchange views. Those who denigrate this place are either victims who have not actually spent much time here and automatically allow their emotional thinking to govern their response (“He’s a narcissist therefore he is bad.”) or they are narcissists who are jealous of the success of this place.
I agree HG. There are a plethora of personalities here. To generalize us as a group of people that follow one way of thinking is ignorant.
Indeed and more power to the diversity that exists, it is a powerful driver for the magnificent learning experience which exists here.
Mercy,
I just went through this a couple weeks ago. A guy I work with that moved into the apt. next to me has been constantly coming over to my place and using my resources. He and a group at work have been trolling and bullying me. He referred to this as a cult. Saw all my books by HG and told me to get rid of them. My childhood can be a bit fuzzy, but I have been having disturbing flashbacks and memories and had a breakdown. I came back here for answers, My therapist has been supportive of this sight. He states that many narcissists/psychopaths are successful in society and not your stereotype of what these people think. He also has a successful friend with schizophrenia that has hallucinations and hears voices without medication. His friend is a successful professional in another field and you would never know it. The neighbor/co-worker was hateful, unsupportive, and had that blank expression in his eyes and face at one point instead of empathy just as HG has mentioned. Told me to go check myself into a mental hospital nearby for the extremely insane that are not capable of functioning in society. He even put on a Rick and Morty cartoon on, the cult episode. I will not allow him to run me off the one place that I have found the answers that I need.
He is a user and a time waster that I felt sorry for because he is struggling on his own and has his child with him part of the time. Even suggested friends with benefits but I turned him down. More like friend with resources (one sided).
I now realize he is part of the group from a couple years ago that have taken out a malign campain against me. I can now actually trace him and the room mate that I had to this group from when I had moved states February 2020, and now him since I have moved back to my original state, different town. This group killed a horse in my back pasture, tried to run me off the bypass into the deep ditch at highway speeds, and were tormenting me in my home and breaking in when I was gone. Lots of gaslighting. This couples son and mother are also involved.
I know he even struggles to pay rent. I shut him down on my internet and streaming channels that he was getting for free and let him know that I don’t want him over here anymore. No more free sodas, laundry supplies, quarters, food, manicure needs, personal loans, the list goes on. When he came over and paid me back the loan I demanded back, he looked like a kicked dog.
Still here,
Gypsy
I am Contagion, like I told Laurie I know she holds 2 possibly 3 of the 10 traits of a contagion. I know all 10 due to I hold all 10. And no this doesn’t make me better, it makes my life harder and not one I would wish upon anyone.
HG confirmed this here on the blog a few months ago when I asked if he would confirm I was an Empath.
I never needed HG to tell me which school, out of curiosity I ask HG durning a consult and was impressed and pissed due to my first thought was “like fucking Ebola” he told me to think about it……he was right. I am infected by everyone and everything that holds an energy, I can also infect others. Not in a malicious or manipulative way. It is just the way energy flows.
Oh I am familiar with those outside of the blog. If it is a narcissist behind it I wound left, right and center with truth. I draw people to me and in the past few weeks….well let’s just say I threw my cloak off and have fully embraced who and what I am. My “weapons” will never leave my hands agains. I use them both to heal and to defend.
“Like fucking ebola” – knowing you as I do Twilight, that made me laugh.
That you do HG, you laughed then to. It is an amusing memory and a fitting name.
You made me laugh this morning to HG.
Twilight, I love what you said in the end about embracing who you are. That type of courage deserves respect!
Hello Twilight. Being a ‘Contagion Empath’ is very hard sometimes………
Yes Laurie it is. The more attuned you are the harder it is. Why I am curious to what traits you hold.
I definitely became infatuated. It filled the chasm left by the narc abuse (which was “comfortable” because it’s what was normal to me). But I do realize he is a very charming placebo. Kind of like addicts take methadone. Now to get off of the methadone. 🙂
Hello NarcAngel. I emphasized ‘REAL’ Empath, because just as I believe that many people are labelled as being full-on Narcissists when in fact they are simply not very nice people with a few Narcissistic traits, then the same is true of the word ‘Empath.’
What I am saying is that many people THINK that they are Empaths when in fact they are not. Yes, they are probably nice people and very kind, but a true Empath has certain traits that only an Empath possesses and if you are the real deal NarcAngel, then you will know what I mean without me having to tell you what these traits are.
I think you are referring to the Contagion Empath (which some people regard as a ‘real’ empath) but that is just one of the schools.
Hello Mr. Tudor. I was not aware of the ‘Contagion Empath’.
I will have to do some research in to it. Thank you.
HG I think we are all patiently waiting for the Contagion article to come out. I’m curious if this one would be particularly difficult for you to write since it is not a trait that you could easily see in order to mirror. Your thoughts?
It is partially written and has taken longer owing to the scarcity of this particular type of empath.
“It is partially written and has taken longer owing to the scarcity of this particular type of empath.”
Ha, ha! If I have to be something that makes me crazy at least I get to be rare!
Laurie
The Contagion holds those trait where the other schools do not.
I understand what you are saying. HG understands the other schools don’t due to they do not have these traits.
Narc Angel
A Contagion can “see” HGs kind in a similar way they can “see” an Empath.
It is deeper then just “feeling” others emotions.
We do not need audio or visual cue to feel or know things. We just know.
Do the other schools have glimpses of this, yes they do why many will mistaken they are Contagion when in reality they are not.
Correct.
Hello Twilight, thank you for the explanation. I have had this ability since childhood…..I just somehow ‘know’ things and it is just like you have stated……I don’t need visual or audio cues…..I simply know things. My mum thought I was very weird, but that’s a whole other story. Thank you once again.
Laurie
You won’t find anything under Contagion, nor has HG published the Contagion article, and I have never revealed my “true” label here, nor have I ever gone into a discussion on my perspective here on a deeper level other then a few comments here and there which many saw them in accordance to their perspective.
I am willing to discuss my perspective with you if you would like to.
Hi Twilight, are you willing to share a bit more about the contagion here?
Narc Noob
Yes I am at a point now I am more willing to share my perspective of being a Contagion.
Is there something you wish to ask, if so please do.
Thanks Twilight.
I am pretty sure I have just one trait of the contagion but I’m not actually aware of what their characteristics are other than having a special ability to “feel” into someone, or something (sensing an energy field).
From the little I’ve been able to gather on the posts here, it’s a whole lot more than that. Any feedback is appreciated, I understand that it’s hard to talk specifics when I’m asking a vague, all encompassing question.
Narc noob
Your welcome.
Anyone that is empathetic/empathic will have an overlaying trait and example is feeling others the thing is for me it is different in the way it manifest within me compared to the other school of empaths.
I do not need visual and/or audio cues to trigger my empathy I just feel them. Nor do I have to think about it. I just feel.
Just as an example.
We are all connected so we will all have some overlaying of traits this includes the narcissistic ones to.
Thank you Twilight for offering to discuss the ‘Contagion Empath’ with me further. I will think about it. Once again, thank you.
Laurie
Thank you for your response. I agree that many are labelled narcissist when they are not. I was trying to determine if you meant Contagion was the only REAL empath or if you meant kind people vs empath. I am not a Contagion, but rather a real empath with higher narcissistic traits than some of the other schools.
Hello NarcAngel. I must admit that I have never heard of a ‘Contagion Empath’ before but I will certainly be looking in to it further.
What I am saying is that just as there is a scale of Narcissism such as lesser, mid range and greater, so I believe that there is a scale of Empaths.
Equally I think that a person can be very kind and caring but NOT necessarily an ‘Empath.’
Personally speaking, I know that I am what could perhaps be described as a high level Empath.
All of my senses are highly tuned and when I visit my family in London [which is where I am from] I feel absolutely exhausted and drained from all of the different energies that I am picking up. I can’t wait to get back to the countryside again which is where I now live.
Being near nature is very soothing after the madhouse that is London.
Walking in the woods, near a river, being amongst wildlife……it kind of recharges my batteries.
Complete strangers are constantly drawn to me and they open up to me. I often feel overwhelmed by it all because I have a hard time saying ‘No’ to any person who needs help.
And I know that this is going to sound REALLY weird….but I know what Animals are thinking. I was always able to communicate telepathically with my pets.
Laurie
I understand you. I am very much the same. I’ve ended up living out in the woods in the middle of nowhere. People are very draining – family most of all, and I have to be alone in nature to recharge.
Laurie
That is one of the traits of a Contagion
There are 10 very few hold all 10. I do. Now I am curious how many you have. I am positive of two possible three.
Reading all of this was fairly confusing.
Laurie, you specifically stated that you could detect “his” kind. You used antanne to describe detection. Most Empaths regardless of class or cadre can tell when something is off.
Because of our nature however, we tend to ignore the inital warning signs by being dismissive or making excuses of some sort and ignoring our gut instinct.
The vast majority of commenters are emotionally and intellectually intelligent. And yet, here we are.
And yes, we are trading one narcissist for another. Although the biggest difference is being on here means we are raiding the armory as opposed to being assaulted by the enemy.
Hello wounded. It’s true…..I can actually ‘see’ evil when I am in its presence.
I can literally see a black aura around people that are evil. If a Narcissist can be described as ‘evil’ then that is what I am able to see.
That’s why I said that even if I met Mr. Tudor I would know what he is because I am able to see it. Whether you want to believe it or not is up to you, but I have no reason to lie.
The condition of NPD is something that I want to learn more about because until I met my husband I did not really understand what it was.
As a psychology student I had skimmed the subject but there is no substitute for experience. You have to live something to really understand it.
Don’t get me wrong…..I knew that there was something very wrong with my husband’s psychological make-up, but it was a while before I figured out exactly what he was.
Mr. Tudor is an excellent teacher on the subject, no doubt about it. Everything he has said is something that I can see in my husband.
It seems that I have ruffled quite a few feathers on here for daring to state that Empaths are very much aware of what they are seeing, even if they do not know the exact name of the psychological condition of the person that they have sussed out.
And yes you are right…..as Empaths we do tend to ignore our gut instinct.
In my case I was naive enough to believe that if I gave my husband loads of love and care I would be able to ‘heal’ his abused inner child.
I now realize, through studying NPD in depth and through reading sites like this one that such a condition is incurable……….the damage is too deep and can not be undone, sadly.
I will concede that you are correct when you say that the biggest difference in coming to such sites as this is that we are raiding the armoury as opposed to being assaulted by it. I have no argument with that.
But like you say…..we are all still here aren’t we?
Laurie
Not all empaths can “see” a narcissist.
I wouldn’t have to be in the same room as HG to know he was approaching, I usually leave when I feel this particular energy. Do I see them, yes I do. Just as I saw my ex for the first time. I walked in and made eye contact with him, he tried to walk past me and I said Hi ******, he stopped and I remember this curious look that he had, he suggested we go outside on the patio and have a drink and talk. It was sunny and he could put his sunglasses on and not look out of place. He didn’t want me to see his eyes….
Energy never lies.
‘He didn’t want me to see his eyes…..energy never lies’.
My point exactly wounded. You have confirmed what I originally stated, which is that Empaths can detect what a person is.
It might takes us a while to figure out the clinical diagnosis of what we are engaging with, such as Narcissist/Sociopath/Psychopath, but as you yourself have said…..energy never lies, and a REAL Empath can see and feel it.
Laurie
You emphasize REAL empath. What do you mean by that?
Hello Lori. You are correct…..I certainly do have childhood issues but it seems to me that most of us do.
I don’t take your words harshly and I welcome honesty. What I actually said was that I know instantly if there is something ‘off’ about a person. It actually took me a year before I figured that my husband was a high grade Narcissist who was in the process of what I would call the physical and mental collapse that happens to Narcissists [or many of them anyway] in old age.
You have been honest with me Lori and I welcome it so please allow me to be honest with you.
Just because YOU can not see right through other people that does not mean that I and others are not able to detect when something is not quite ‘right’ about a person.
Some Empaths are more highly tuned than others, just as some Narcissists are higher grade than others.
If you think that you are no longer ensnared by a Narcissist, take a look at some of the comments on here which are from women who are utterly bewitched and captivated by Mr. Tudor. You yourself have jumped to his defense simply because I disagreed with him!
Lori, face it…..you and many of the other women who come to this site have simply found a new Narcissist to worship.
Hello NarcAngel. I am saying that I actually felt huge emotional trauma coming from my husband the first time we met. It was palpable. I felt like I had been punched in the chest.
That’s how I knew that the happy, smiling, carefree, somewhat grandiose and arrogant persona he was portraying was false.
I knew a little bit about NPD because I have studied psychology. It took me about a year before I realized that my husband was a high grade Narcissist who was starting to physically and mentally collapse. By the time we got married he was already extremely ill.
And to answer your question, the answer is yes……I have volunteered to take care of him until he no longer needs me……which won’t be much longer now. He really is very ill.
But that is how I know when someone is genuine or not…..I actually feel a physical force….it’s really hard to explain NarcAngel…….it’s like I can actually feel what other people feel…….and sometimes it is so draining and exhausting.
Sometimes I wonder if Empaths have an advantage in some ways because we do have such a broad emotional spectrum and we are highly intuitive (especially if we have experienced trauma in the past) so we can assess the whole situation more accurately. Obviously it is our emotions that cloud our judgement as well so i guess the goal is to be discerning without compromising our empathic nature.
I think we can sense the narcissism in them even if we don’t know what that is. On our second date, I recognized the little boy inside of him. I remember thinking he’s exactly how I imagined my dream boy to be when I was a little girl. Maybe I could relate to that wounded child but that’s the part that keeps me clinging to him. Like if only he would allow me to love him…Sympathy for the Devil – The struggle is REAL!!!!
I know that is dangerous thinking so I will continue loving the little girl inside of me as well as my beautiful children so they never have to seek that love from others.
This blog has helped me make such huge strides in moving forward and deepening my awareness of myself so i can be an even better parent to my children. I’m grateful to all of you for sharing so openly and honestly. HG your work is tremendously valuable and so important. You’re the saintliest devil I ever did know! THANK YOU!
I disagree with you Mr. Tudor. As an Empath I am instantly aware of people that you describe as ‘Your Kind’.
Just as the Narcissist’s antennae can detect the Empath, so it is that the Empath’s antennae can detect the Narcissist.
The downfall of those that I would call ‘My Kind’ [other Empaths] is that we want to love and heal those who we know are in deep emotional and psychological pain. We hang in there even when logic tells us that we are on to a lost cause, because what we are trying to do is bring that beautiful little boy back to life……the talented, artistic, brilliant little boy who was destroyed early on in his childhood.
The pain we feel when we finally accept that the little boy died a long time ago is immeasurable……almost like grief I suppose you could say.
No. Empaths do not detect our kind ‘instantly’, from it. Why do you think so many people are ensnared and had no idea of what they were dealing with? They did not go ‘ah a narcissist but I am going to stay because even though it is a lost cause I want to help’ The empath did not recognise what they were dealing with and the downfall for an empath is the effect of their emotional thinking which hides ad obscures red flags (initially those red flags do not even say ‘narcissist’ because the individual does not know what a narcissist is, but initially the red flags merely state ‘something is not right here’ but that warning is not heeded owing to the effect of emotional thinking.
Mr.Tudor, you are an expert on Narcissists because you are one yourself, and I must concede to your greater knowledge.
Likewise I am an expert on the Empath because I am one myself, and I can truthfully say to you, that REAL Empaths know very early on what they are dealing with.
I doubt if I will ever meet you in person, but I guarantee I would see the signs that something about you is ‘off’ even without knowing what you are beforehand.
Laurie
Do you mean that you entered into relationships with narcissists instantly aware of what they were? That you volunteered yourself because you wanted to save them at known cost to yourself? Or do you mean you would know NOW what they are, given the awareness and education about NPD that you have acquired?
Laurie
Agreed. We can spot them too.
Yes thanks HG! You do understand things so well. You do see different points of view and can stand in someone’s else’s shoes to know how it is!!? That’s how it comes across but isn’t probably how you would put it.
I haven’t been here for that long but I have noticed that not once have you ever victim shamed in your writings. In fact you understand so well! You actually help and empower and make me feel better about myself!! It’s almost like you are compassionate and have empathy.. you do see and validate!!! It’s ever so hard to remember what you are.. you seem like a wonderful gentleman.
I have felt stupid, gullible, weak and have beat myself up for being ensnared. For being conned and putting up with it. Its good to know that isnt the case. No one will suss you out ever will they, because you know what the red flags are, so therefore can hide them even better.
Thank you, I do not stand in the shoes of others, I listen and observe and use the fruits of those observations.
I’m naturally attracted to narcissist. I just am. I was always able to avoid these types. I thought I could handle this one. I was wrong.
I can say for myself im way more aware of the signs and red flags of npd but instead of asking myself are they a narcissist i look more at the behaviour and being aware that its toxic. There are many people who dont have npd but have high narc traits and are toxic to be around and imo just as damaging. To me it doesnt matter if they are a narcissist if theyre bringing me down i limit my time around them or go no contact.
Sometimes its difficult to differentiate between someone who has npd and someone with high narc traits bc its a spectrum and lines merge into one another. Whats most important is how they make you feel. The quote you wont always remember what people do but will remember how they made you feel is so true!
If they make you feel bad continually and it feels off trust your spidey senses!
Hi Laurie,
To speak for myself, I did recognize that there was something off both times that narcissists tried to seduce me. I think that it has a lot to do with me never being ensnared by both of them despite my intense attraction to both narcs. I was not even aware of narcissism as extensively as I am now. I was aware of the personality disorder at that time when I took a business psychology class that was required in school but I knew very little about it and I didn’t think that it would be relevant in my life. I just knew that there was something off with both of them. The first narc, I had a good excuse to disengage because I moved to the US but even if I didn’t have to move I was losing my interest already because he kept talking about his first love. The Somatic handyman who tried to seduce me was incredibly attractive but I thought that his antics were so juvenile like when he was giving me that silent treatment while walking around the house with a pout and heavy steps I just ignored him because I didn’t want to go down to that level of immaturity. Although because of my E.T. I was so bothered and sad about it at that time. I agree with Laurie, empaths are really sensitive with little facial expressions and energy. I notice things about people that my husband thinks I am reading too much only for him to later on agree that I was right about the person. I have read that if one was raised by a narcissist your sensitivity about this increases because you grew up walking on eggshells.
I knew something was off from the beginning but I saw his pain in his eyes and felt connected. Att least that was what I used to think until I began to read this blog. Now I believed that what I saw was a lie, a reflection. Many things, good and bad, felt very weird all the time but He entangled his life with mine so well that I found it impossible to leave until I succeeded. Definitely, I always knew something was odd but I have to say I felt attracted to his mistery.
Laurie
I think someone would detect if they met another Narcissist of the same school.
I am quite knowledgeable on this subject and I was ensnared again by another one of another school that presented completely opposite. The difference between a mid ranger Romeo and the blunt force of a Lesser. So very different yet so much the same so yes HG you are very correct. The amount of knowledge I have should have theoretically should have allowed me to see this a mile off yet I did not.
The simple fact that of all of the queries and consultations I have dealt with, not one person identified they were ensnared with a narcissist at the outset demonstrates my point forcefully.
Laurie
I don’t mean this harshly, but anyone who is knowingly, willfully and repeatedly engaging with Narcissists has their own issues that need addressing. Healthy individuals do not repeatedly seek or engage with these types of people they just don’t. It’s usually because there is some unsealed childhood wound there. The dynamic with the Narcissist seems familiar to the victim and for many it’s an attempt to revisit the dynamic from childhood only this time they are going to “get i right” which is pointless because that can never happen with a Narcissist. This is why you see many people repeatedly get involved and continue to engage with Narcissists
I like narcissist. Sorry I do. I didn’t know that before but I do now. To each Their own right? I will be hard pressed to find one that will be ok with me knowing it. I’ll have to act like I don’t know. Then we can both be playing games. Fun!
Laurie, I so relate to your description of the Empath ‘downfall’. I kept a photo of my ex as a 3 year old child. He began to be sexually abused around the age of 4 or 5. How I wish I could reach into that photo and save him. Then again I can say I’ve actually seen the real him. Your descriptions are spot on.
Thank you Cindy
Well put!! That grief is immeasurable and defies everything we ever believed about love and our humanity💔
SEM – At post weaponisation of ~ 15 months
During my pre-weap days, I can confirm that NOT ONCE did I have the remotest clue as to what I was dealing with. Not once. Even though I knew I was empathic. I only had a handful of relationships before the largest (<20 years).
Post that relationship, in some nearly five years, I have certainly made up for it. There have been many, too many that have crossed my path. This is hardly surprising considering my cadre AND coupled with the fact I am somewhat known in another area plus I was OLD too. I estimate, that I have enough material to keep me writing for a decade.
Post-weap is an entirely different ball game. I can usually spot Ns but not always. Sometimes it is instantly; sometimes it takes a while. Much more rare is sensing that they are a 'bad person; one to be avoided'.
It's the Es though which are interesting me much more. I'm actively encouraging Es to come forward and reflect on why they think they are an E. You see, I can't always spot my own kind. In the more obvious cases, yes, absolutely. It's actually amazing having sought and spoken to other Es (that I was personally sure of), how astonishing similar their own language is. My observations have led me to conclude the following; (based on RL interactions and writings)
A overwhelming need to serve – sexually or through vocation/hobby. I think this is a key trait.
'I'm sorry!'
'Oh goodness, this has been long!'
Feelings of exhaustion and being drained
Fear of exposure to crowds
Cannot watch certain things on TV
Sometimes knows things (even dream things) before they're told
Sensing atmosphere in a room (or even another room)
Acknowledgement of prior abusive relationships
Misplaced excitement or sense of happiness (when reg flags are obviously present which they are merrily describing)
Gradual dawning to the real truth of a relationship 'I dont recognise the man I married…'
Hypersensitivity to others' moods – 'Whats wrong?', etc – Another key trait
Questioning abuse itself – 'Is this abusive?', etcs (you would not BELIEVE how many times I read this. It's because they are seeking reassurance on a situation which is too almost to unbearable to contemplate and lack the confidence to act) so yes
Lack of confidence in self as lovable person (they may be v confident in other areas which aren't emotion driven)
Anxiety/depressive disorders. Pos. diagnosis of BPD
Self-doubt
Abusive childhood – but not always
Need to 'get away' from people to recharge – Key trait
Agoraphobic behaviours – but not always
Poor boundary control (which is usually recognised and always always being 'worked on') – Key trait.
Knowledge of empathic self since childhood/early adulthood
Puts others before themselves – key trait. E.g will quietly put the better/big steak on a plate before serving it the other with NO fuss. Witness my spectacular zenith last year of having 5 things more important in my life than my own well being.
Unless on a deliberate rant to vent, Es rarely use negatively emotionally loaded terms wrt to a perceived abuser.
Will often hide how bad they are feeling from others or the depth/seriousness of a situation
Particular to sex
Ability to enter into altered states such as sub space and the allied sub drop (I'm pondering if le petite morte is also connected)
Post orgasm may experience EXTREMELY strong ER such as euphoria and grief/sadness (tears)
Both of the above may lead to the E actually sensing the flow of energy itself over time as the latent sense resurfaces.
Just a few of my thoughts but I do worry when I see absolutes being banded around. I accept that I am fallible and that I must always maintain my defences.
Just a few more observations from my own POV;
A complete removal of an N through a robust NC can lead (and quite rapidly too) to an increase in physical/mental health levels. I acknowledge though that the trauma through the abuse may be manifesting in other spheres such as anxiety/depressive disorders.
I mention this because I’ve noticed how extremely rare it is for me to catch a cold/flu etc when I was pretty bad before. That’s a recent realisation as well.
Laurie, I did not know what I was dealing with. Once I discovered what he was with the help from HG I did not feel the need to heal him. I was too distracted with trying to understand and find a way out.
Good for you Mercy. I do not judge you. We must all walk our own path.
And no doubt about it, Mr. Tudor is doing a terrific service to those who need to break away from the Narcissist in their lives, although I truly believe that some of the women who come to this site are infatuated with Mr. Tudor……not that I blame him at all, it is not his fault and maybe I am wrong.
If I am wrong then I am fairly certain that one of Mr.Tudor’s many admirers will firmly put me in my place…….perhaps deservedly so.
For myself, I sadly can not heal my husband because he is way beyond help now. He is in his 60s and he does not have much longer to live.
His body and mind are deteriorating and the only thing I can do now is make his last days or weeks months as comfortable as I can.
Bottom line is this Mercy………I love him….good and bad, I love him.
Btw Mercy…..good luck mate, I really mean that, x
Very interesting entry, Mr Tudor, but you fail to recognize those of us who know you well, and love you: we who grew up with those of your kind and witnessed the beautiful, creative sibling who was brutalized by the adult who should have been nurturing with uncritical tenderness. We remember. We see through your prismatic lies but will never betray the fragile soul who managed to forge a mirrored fortress as a mechanism for survival. Your perseverance is a testament to your strength. We admire your genius. We hope for your evolution. We will never abandon you.
Well said Sophia.
This is so beautiful Sophia and makes me miss him even more😔
I will NEVER dull my shine to avoid your kind. I have, however, with your help Mr. Tudor, educated myself to the behavior of your kind specifically the initial indicators of toxicity that your kind present upon a first interaction. I am acutely aware of who and what I am now and that i must always be alert and that I have to overpower my emotional logic to ensure that I remain free. But there is no way in hell I will EVER give your kind the power to cause me to dull down the very thing that makes me.. ME!
Bullshit. I am done with your kind.
Nevertheless, I am still hot and gorgeous.
I would add another kind of light, one that shows the white hot parasitic energy flares of narcs.
I think narcs set up all this drivel that teaches people to tolerate enormous amounts of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse should be a crime.
This article is fascinating. I didn’t come up with narcissist out of thin air and have never accused any of my exes of being one, including an abusive controlling one.
In 2008 I did a painting of a woman on her back, her breasts volcanoes that sprouted fire and a serpent in the sky looking down on her. A not quite poem titled “Boundary Issues” was written in the flames. It was an incredibly crude and emotional painting that I never got rid of.
Instead I revamped it, the nude figure slightly turned, eyes open ringed by flame that bleeds into violet and a night sky that hides the snake, but barely. I retitled it Twisted.
Most people focus on the nude figure, calling her erotic yet willfully ignore the snake staring down on her.
Reading this again, and your description of the Super Empath makes me wonder….how many times was I involved with a Narc?
I never been oblivious. Your kind is easy to spot as well. I may not have known “narcissist ” per say but I definitely can see you coming a mile away. You smile with your eyes never changing your facial expression. Like the big bad wolf having spotted little red riding hood skipping through the Forrest. You eyes say dinner is served!