The Emotional Battle – Part Three
When you have been discarded, you face three battles in order to secure your freedom. The first is the Emotional Battle which you always lose until you learn not fight it. The second is the Heart V Head Battle which must be fought many times until you finally overcome the powerful effects of emotion and allow your cool, hard logic to dictate. Once that battle has been won, you have managed to navigate a way through the emotional ocean and then you have reached dry land on the other side. This is where the third battle is joined. This dry land provides you with a firmer foundation and just like the discovery of the New World, boundless opportunities. You are no longer prone to the vagaries of the swelling and dramatic ocean of emotions. That is not to say that your emotions have been switched off. Far from it. Instead, the solidity of this land is a reflection of the greater control you now have over your emotions as you ally them with the logic that you have regained. No longer do you feel overwhelmed. You are not beset by anxiety. Fear does not maintain a near permanent grip on your stomach. You were repeatedly drowned as you tried to swim the emotional ocean alone in the first battle. You saw yourself swamped and capsized on numerous occasions as reach time you increased your intellect and understanding as you built larger and more seaworthy vessels until finally you navigated your war through that broiling sea of feelings and now you stand on firm, dry and solid land. Your critical thinking has increased, your sense of calm has bloomed and you have gained greater control.
You stand before a land of opportunities and this is where you are now able to make the decisions. In the previous two battles you were overwhelmed and then often on the back foot. Here, in this final battle, you have the opportunity to seize and maintain the upper hand. You have so many choices available to you now.
You may decide to build a large tower and secrete yourself inside. You have the sturdy foundation now on which to construct this edifice. You are safe and secure high up in this tower. You admit visitors but only those that you know can be trusted. Occasionally you hear a knock in the dead of night. You make your way to the balcony and look down from your towering height to see us stood outside knocking on the door and seeking admittance. You may feel the surge of those emotions once more but you have greater control now. You may call out and wave, issuing a polite greeting and no more. You may decide just to turn around and leave us to our ineffectual knocking. Either way in this battle you have seized control and you are far better equipped to make rational decisions which suit you and prevent you from being wholly governed by those turbulent emotions.
You may decide to forge ahead and seek out new adventures in this land. You meet new people and form fresh and lasting friendships, perhaps even finding someone with whom you can share intimacy and romance. As you trek through this land, gathering new friends and revisiting those who were conned into severing the ties with you, you remain vigilant for out of nowhere we might appear. We might strike, lurching through a crowd hurling insults. You are better armed this time and able to shield yourself before moving away, refusing to be drawn into responding and a war of words like you once might have done. It may be the case, as you embrace these new horizons that we appear, smiling and benign, sidling up to you and taking you by surprise. The risk always remains, for if you are abroad within this new land, you cannot place yourself behind sturdy defences. Thus, you remain exposed to ambush and approach. You remain better equipped than you were, as a consequence of your gathered learning, your increased understanding and ongoing recovery. You are in a better position to rebuff the ambush, refusing to engage and making your departure to safer ground. Sometimes you may be caught and those emotions wash about you as we try to haul you back across the sea to a time when you were alone and going under the lashing waves. This risk always remains.
You may opt to establish an estate where you do not take refuge in some tower, but instead you create a place of familiarity where everyone is known to you and you are known to them. You have your supporters in clear view and whilst you may not tread down the path less travelled in search of new territories you reduce your risk of us appearing out of nowhere. These familiar places enable you to maintain clear lines of sight so that if we do make an appearance you are able to take suitable evasive action.
This final battle takes the form of repeated skirmishes as we seek to catch you unawares and drag you back to an earlier battle where our prospects of success are maximised. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes one of our devious ploys catches you unaware and we scale your tower and appear on your balcony like that once desired Prince Charming again and your defences are breached. Other times you repel our approaches, turning your back or cutting us down with new learned techniques which force us to withdraw. You may see no action for weeks, months and even years as new reaches you that we are fighting on other fronts, seemingly content to leave you be. At least for the time being. Then out of nowhere you may reduce your vigilance and we are by your side, seeking to snake our tendrils around you once again. In this final battle you now know what to look for. When we march on to the battle field you see and take heed of the red flags which stream behind us. You have learned methods by which you can counter and neutralise our manipulations. You have established safe territories to which you might retreat if the need arises. You have fashioned your own armoury in this new land of hope and promise. You now know how you can wound us and now, exerting greater control, you do so which gives us no option but to disengage from the skirmish and skulk away to lick our wounds and regroup.
This final battle takes place in a land where the battlefield, for the first time, is more of your choosing than ours. You have better equipped to fight this battle and whilst there remains a risk of defeat and you being ensnared once again, it is far less than in the previous two battles. You are battle-hardened and those scars are worn as badges of honour as you stand tall for the first time in, well, you cannot recall when that last happened, but it has happened at last.
Thus, this is the final battle post discard. The battle that takes place on dry land. Should you overcome the first two battles, this is where you will find yourself. Now you understand where you will end up as you deal with the fallout from being discarded. Now you are aware of what will happen, what to expect and how you are in a better position to keep winning the skirmishes in this final battle. This only leaves one question remaining. How long will this final battle last?
It will continue until one of us no longer lives.
31 thoughts on “The Emotional Battle – Part Three”
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HG,
You are often referring to the snaking tendrils that your kind uncoil to try to haul us back under your spell. I have seen those deployed on my first date with an UMRN. At the time, I did not know what to make out of this vision. I know that it is more than a figure of speech. Could you tell me more about this?
What do you want to know?
HG,
I would like to know where they attach on us and what it is they do exactly? Do they inject something? If my memory serves me right, you have written somewhere that they manipulate us into thinking the way your kind wants us to. There is no mention of them in The Devil’s Toolkit and yet they seem to be instrumental in ensnaring us? I want to know all there is to know about them.
Hello Pavtodeschamps, read Sitting Target to start and then everything else in my books and you will learn lots to assist you.
Hello HG, I have read Sitting Target and nine others… I have not found anything specific about them other than they wrap around us and keep us under your spell in these ebooks. In your posting The 5 wants of the Narcissist, they are used to bind us to your kind. In Where has he gone?, they are used to garner fuel and to maintain the connection during the discard phase. In another posting, I see sanctuary, they come from the darkness to drag YOU « into that place where you must not go », the « abyss of insanity ». I would guess this is the place where the repressed memory of the sustained childhood abuse lies. And in Hidden engagement, they are technological tendrils that radiate away from phones and computers. In the previous examples, they represent or give form to that intangible connection between us two and they seem to operate both inside and outside of your control. Is this it? I guess I am still mystified by what I saw. There were miniatures heads of my narc at the tip of each tentacules (my word for them prior to reading you HG) as they advanced toward my waist and disappeared from my vision as they drew nearer. I managed to escape my narc but I still feel the poisonous effect.
I find it ironic that you’re better able to explain my battle of discard and what I’ve been going through than I am? Are you sure you’re not an empath? How are you able to see both sides of this, if you’re a narcissist? The narcs in my life, wouldn’t be able to see another perspective if their lives depended on it. But then again, it’s one thing to write about it, and another to feel it, huh? Sometimes my pain is so deep, I’m dumbfounded and can’t find the words to express it. After a lifetime of entanglement with these types, I’m still working to rebuild myself and my life. – Thank you for your work in this area. You have helped me a lot.
No, I am not an empath. My victims will confirm that for you.
I can see both sides because I am very intelligent, I listen, I observe and I think. If you are to remain the best one must always move forward and that means knowing and understanding the enemy – inside out.
I love it when someone I admire calls me by my name, even if the name is fake, even if that someone I admire is fake too…. OMG!! I´m still a perfect victim for narcissists!! @NarcAngel: “lol”
HG….
For me understanding “Everpresence” through your writing has been life changing.
I see exactly why the narcissistic relationship endures even when time has passed, there is distance and no contact. It is a burden to carry for mistakes which cannot be undone. I am very grateful for this knowledge and understanding; it has been highly influential in my education on the dark arts.
We are well schooled here and I don’t think I would be an easy target for a narc anymore.
I have a new friend his name is Neverpresence aka Red Flags and Run 🚩🏃♀️
Jolly good.
Sarah, I love your friend!
HG,
what does a narcissist feel/think when victim unblocks them “just like that” months post discard?
I can see that many victims, when they feel healed, unblocks the narcissist. Of course it’s a huge mistake.
Does a narcissist get some fuel from this act and feel the power again?
The act of unblocking does not provide fuel unless accompanied by something which generates fuel (for instance a complimentary text message).
The narcissist may not notice that he or she has been unblocked as they may not be hoovering. If the victim brings the unblocking to the attention of the narcissist, the narcissist does not feel anything, the unblocking is a factor in the Hoover Execution Criteria.
Thank you. My narcissist is someone who isn’t very successful, he discards out of anger but it doesn’t mean he is fully ready to go.
And when the partner blocks him in response he is of course forced to move on but then he collapses again after a few months and that’s why he is in constant need for fuel and keep tabs on discarded partners. So I think he would notice the unblocking quickly and it could give him a sense of satisfaction that now he is the one in control again, especially when he didn’t expect the blocking and it wounded him in the first place.
Of course it can look differen when it comes to more successful narcissists who are well fuelled and doesn’t need to look back.
My suggestion to the narcissist is give up the battle, and lie to yourself that it was your idea to. Be thankful you weren’t exposed, and if you’re unaware, you better hope like hell you stay that way. Empaths are warriors of the truth, and we have nothing to lose. Run with your tails between your legs. Maybe we’re a lamb in the flock with the truth up our wool sleeves, maybe we know how to expose the wolf without muttering a baa. You want to come to my battleground, then come on, I’m not afraid of anything as weak and needy and flawed as someone who is so fragile that they need me to survive. Who is the stronger one now, who is superior? The empath is. When our emotions are stable and neutral, you cannot penetrate us, you are powerless. Watch out for us.
Do the three battles apply in every situation?. There are so many different kinds of relationships…it seems to me that you are always referring to “monogamous romantic relationships”
No, I am referring to any ensnarement with a narcissist.
I’m asking it because you wrote: “You meet new people and form fresh and lasting friendships, perhaps even finding someone with whom you can share intimacy and romance”. And in my case it doesn’t apply since I’ve been “having intimacy ” with others during the whole ensnarement and also after it…
I fucking hate you fucking con man. I hope you rot in hell and die.
A quick word from my agent there.
HG
Thanks for clarifying. I thought for a minute your most recently discarded IPPS had sussed you out.
I was thinking the same thing NA!
FM1T
I was just teasing about it being his ex. I should have put lol after because some people have a hard time determining when I am and am not.
I get you every time Sister! 😉🥰
No need for lol, let them figure it out on their own. 😉
Ha ha ha…you are a riot NA!
Simultaneously optimistic and chilling.
Perfect description of my life this past 15 months of the 6 years with my narc.
I love the pictures you use in your posts. Very impactful and iconical ones…
Thank you Butterfly.