Utter Disgust

utter-disgust

You disgust me. How did I ever choose to be with you? How did I not see what you really are? You conned me. There can be no other explanation for what has happened. You drew me in and promised me so much. You offered all that I needed and now you have revealed your true colours. Another chameleon. I would have thought that I would have become more adept at identifying you by now but I suspect that you came with leaden tongue which was draped in sugar as you sought to lure me into your despairing world. I cannot believe that you behaved in such a way and after everything that I have done for you. This is the method of your thanks is it? You are a disgusting person to behave in this way. Building up my hopes, thinking that after so long searching and hunting that I have finally located the one that would always give me what I need. The sole supply of my strength, the bearer of joy, the provider of sustenance and yet you promised all this and when it came to the moment of reckoning you failed to deliver. I should not berate myself for once again I have been fooled by someone who came with obscuring smoke and confusing mirrors. I am but a simple and straightforward person who offers only dedication and a perfect love. You knew this yet you lured me in with your false promises and empty words.

How did you think I would react to such perfidy? With a smile and a “oh it does not matter”? Of course not. You failed me and in the most offensive way possible. You have insulted me, me of all people. You have caused grave offence through your disgusting conduct and that was why you had to be punished. It is not good pleading for clemency. You held a position of trust and you abused that trust in a foul manner. You were given complete and utter access to my inner being and you achieved this through manipulation and fraud. Your punishment accordingly must match this heinous crime. Look at you, snivelling and begging, the crocodile tears spilling down your face as you plead for leniency and another chance. How many chances must I give you? You have failed me so many times and you have taken advantage of my most generous nature. You disgust me. So weak and so pathetic. You thought you could break me but you could not. You thought that you could outwit and outflank me. Not a chance. You thought you could do as you pleased but I have found you out and for that you shall receive your comeuppance. Get up and have some dignity. By heaven, I cannot stand it when you behave like this. Your weakness offends me. I can smell the putrid stench of your pathetic vulnerability now that I have pierced that fraudster’s veil. The offensive odour is all pervasive and I want to vomit such is the disgusting sensation that arises from it. Get out of my sight, you turn my stomach. How did I ever think that you would be the solution? I must have taken leave of my senses but then in a way I did. You made me believe in something that was not real. You duped me. Me, me of all people, someone of my brilliance and intellect, taken in by the sleight of hand of a trickster. I cannot stand this association with something so vile as you. I despite you but I also despise myself for having ever chosen you. You promised me everything and I fell for it. I thought I knew better. I thought I had it all worked out, the path forward and the road to infinite excellence but you were waiting around the bend again weren’t you, you despicable bastard. You ambushed me and just as I thought everything was right, correct and well, you sought to topple me with your clandestine behaviours. Your deceit run through you like a disease and you are riddled with it. Do you see how it causes your features to twist in some sick parody of what you are? The vitriol and the malice age you. It is bound to be the case for nobody can such sick sin for too long. I suppose that is why you try and conceal it isn’t it? Your leering sick grin cannot be looked upon for it will reveal all your other warped features, the grimacing evil that stems from being such a disgusting creature as you are. I cannot stand to look upon you, I cannot bear to hear your screeching and pitiful voice which makes me shudder when I think how often I desired to hear it. Oh what a fool I have been to have been taken in by your promises. You have misled me over and over again. How could you behave in such a manner? Are you not disgusted with yourself? You ought to be. I can feel the bile rising in my throat as I contemplate what you have done to me and now as I see you for what you truly are. Leave! Be gone! I have no desire to have you in my eye any longer. My disgust overwhelms me and I must escape your presence. I said for you to go. Why do you remain staring at me and mocking me with those hooded eyes? Is there not end to your torturous ways? Stop looking at me. Stop it, I demand it. Perhaps if I shut my eyes and yes, you have gone. Ha, I am not finished yet. I have dispelled you but even as I keep my eyes shut tight I know that when I open them again you will have returned because I can never escape you can I?

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4 thoughts on “Utter Disgust”

  1. Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    Brilliant projection.
    Effectively as mirrors you reflect our reality back to us.
    As in the golden age, in seduction. You also reflect in advance what the victim will feel from his narcissist, months or even years in advance.
    Then when you discover this scam.
    I look at his post and it would be all the words I could have said to my narcissist. But these, I see them full of fuel and I think that really, my narcissist would only pay attention to my emotional attention rather than my words and would not cause any harm at all. That is the great difference of reflection, if your words to us and ours to you narcissists.
    Without fuel this text would be a critique… But with fuel as I read it this is a torrent of direct fuel to the narcissist.
    Better the silence that heals the wound and not let his speech end… Ignoring them, zero contact, is the best criticism.

    1. Speaking of which, H.G.
      Today, I went for a walk in the streets of my city. I wandered aimlessly. I really wanted to buy some things to start going to the beach to get a brunette. It’s hot enough here. I don’t know how, it crossed my mind to buy a silver necklace. And for this reason I arrived at a well known Spanish Jewelry store, with franchise all over the world. I asked for a necklace but the pieces I was shown were not to my liking, as it was not what I was looking for. They asked me if I wanted to see the pieces from their different collections and there I found a small ring in the shape of a twisted and deformed nail. He shone like a diamond. Its twisted and deformed shape was really so special, so bright, so sublime that I quickly slipped it onto my middle finger. I immediately decided to buy it because it created a link between this ring, my narcissistic experience and me.
      Now this silver plectrum rests on my middle finger as a reminder of the pain and suffering that my narcissist spent decades nailing to my heart day by day.
      This ring serves me to remember this experience and not to forget mainly the zero contact. Now the cause of my pain is materialized in the ring. And this serves me to see what I did not see before.

      To take an object like this ring reminds you not to have or rather not to enter emotional thought mode, This helps and much.

  2. Another post that could be read either way HG. I absolutely sickened my ex narc by the end. Disgust was a commonly used word that was thrown at me. “Why would you want to be with someone that only feels disgust towards you?”.

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

    Asshole.

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