The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 2
It is only over when you die or we die. Death is the only release from our grip.
I repeatedly explain this. I am not advocating that you kill yourself, but rather, I am reinforcing to you, that owing to the Narcissistic Perspective we regard you as our property. You belong to us and that ownership lasts until either you die or we die.
I know some people regard such a comment as grandiosity on my part, “Oh HG,” they say “That’s just you wanting so sound powerful.”
No, it isn’t. True, it is a manifestation of power, but it is a fact and if you fail to abide by this golden rule then you will not achieve and maintain your freedom from our kind.
If you think such a comment is just a manifestation of grandiosity and that your entanglement with the narcissist is over and will never be resurrected, then you are falling prey to your emotional thinking. You will lower your guard, you will engage with us again and you will be ensnared in some form. I have seen it happen repeatedly with my victims. Further, I have lost track of the number of times honest readers have stated
“You were right HG. He came back.”
Of course he or she did. We always will, if the opportunity arises because you are our property, our appliance and we have invested in you. We want to capitalise on that investment time and time again.
You may state with conviction that this was the ‘final discard’ (such a phrase makes me roll my eyes) because there is no such thing. Those that declare that it was the final discard, invariably state it from one of two perspectives – firstly, that they have done something so terrible to the narcissist that he or she would never dare to darken their doorstep again or secondly it is said because they want the twisted confirmation that it isn’t the “final discard” and the narcissist will return because the addicted victim wants the narcissist to return again.
Such conviction is dangerous. It breeds complacency. It makes you vulnerable. I will not deny that there are certain acts which are committed against that result in massive wounding. These acts invariably lead to your disengagement and our kind may well skulk away tail between legs and not be seen or heard of for some time. But it is only a temporary state of affairs.
There is always a risk we will return. It may be a very low risk or a very high risk, but the risk remains and a lot of the time, owing to naivety and ineffective (supposed) no contact regimes the risk is higher than you realise. Owing to the innate addiction you have to our kind and your inherent susceptibility to the fraudulent effects of emotional thinking, the risk is higher than you realise.
By understanding that it is never over until you die or we die ensures you avoid the complacency which results in ensnarement. I do not mean you have to live your life thereafter always looking over your shoulder, but ensuring that you do not adopt the mantle of arrogance that we are gone for good. By maintaining the mindset that there is always a risk, you will create a Logic Defence so that you, over time and with the adoption of additional techniques I can detail to you, automatically maintain your vigilance so that it does not feel like a burden.
Every one of my romantic victims has been hoovered by me. I do not draw them back into the Formal Relationship as I have a nomadic approach, but they have all been hoovered. One was hoovered after a 12 year gap.
Do not regard this golden rule as one of inducing fear and despair, but instead apply it so that you maintain your awareness and your guard is now lowered. By understanding and applying this rule, you are far less likely to commit the elementary errors that those disregarding this rule will do.
Our mindset says it is never over until death comes. Our need for fuel and other elements of the Prime Aims means that it is never over until death comes. Our ability to return in so many different ways means that it is never over until death comes.
By combining this golden rule with my material however you can ensure that it may as well be over because your education and application of your education means the risk of our return has been reduced and maintained at a very low level indeed.
Disregard this golden rule and your risk increases.
17 thoughts on “The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 2”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Been discarded a month ago by a midrange victim narcissist (found that out a week later). Discovered this website and read almost every post since then, find it all very usefull and interesting. Therefore ordered Fuel and Escape, which will arrive tomorrow. Though I take all your advice to heart I must admit I broke the no contact rule already. Today I’ve sent him an e-mail after I got the results back from my GP. Been there last week week for some STD tests and it turned out I’ve got one (nothing serious). My GP told me to inform all the people I’ve been sexual involved with recently(only MR the past three years).So I wrote to him ; “Thanks for the STD,will you inform Nadine, Nicole and the rest? Or shall I?”. On purpose I didn’t mention which one of the STD’s I am positive with. Won’t contact him again, I promissed myself. Is there a chance any of your books will be translated into Dutch? An acquaintance is married to a cerbral narcissist and her English isn’t too strong.
Thank you very much for all this information, I do like the way you write.
Welcome Andromeda, thank you for your kind comments about my work and for purchasing the books. Implement that no contact regime and make it rigid and robust. At present I do not have any plans to translate into Dutch.
Until death do we part . . . do you realize how many narcs out there are waiting for me to die? LOL F***ers, all of you!
Haha!
H.G., you wrote in regards to how a Narcissist will not hoover or contact saying, [The victim has] “done something so terrible to the narcissist that he or she would never dare to darken their doorstep again.” May I ask firstly what an example of such would be and secondly, if one did it on purpose if the Narcissist would be intelligent enough to know?
Massive exposure.
Do understand that its impact prevents hoovering for a period of time and then fades in effect within the HE.
The narcissist’s awareness of such an act would vary according to school.
Does this only happen if you have a romantic involvement? We parted ways when I found he had been cheating (a romantic involvement) for almost four years while I just got the fake future. He said he would always care for me but that’s hard to believe when he never did before. I know I would not be strong enough to turn away yet. It’s only been a month.
It applies to all entanglements with the narcissist but is especially felt in romantic relationships.
Thank you.
I was doing so well. I accidently entered a sphere. Now we are texting, my ULN and me. We’ve been apart for 6 months. For 5.5 months I’ve been with a man who hasn’t once hit me or called me names or stormed off in an inexplicable rage or disengaged so he could call some ex or cheated. It is the most amazing thing. Who would have thought–it is possible to have a passionate, fun, lovely relationship sans abuse! This ULN severely violated the office of husband and I will not restore him to that position. Plus, I know he sticks it in everyone he can, and I want no part of that. I know he is a ULN because HG and multiple other sources can describe my relationship with him perfectly, without even knowing him or me. I know I am the super empath because my narcissistic traits enabled me to survive the absolute worst pain I have ever experienced, and over and over through the three years I was with ULN. But there is more to it. I know I’m an empath because only an empath would be stupid enough to pray to God asking to be able to love like Jesus. That prayer was answered. I love the ULN that way and it will not be taken away. I will not forsake the good guy I’m with. I knowingly and consciously give the ULN fuel, because I do not think it an evil that he needs fuel. Everyone needs fuel. I will remain the tertiary source. And I get to exercise the gift from God that will always be with me. This won’t end when either he or I dies. Love is the only thing we take with us when we die.
My love did not know its majesty until it knew its helplessness.
Suspicion and greediness when majesty arrives are the worst form of arrogance.
(Rumi)
The ULN always thought he was in control, but he never was. I was conscious. I did everything by choice, but I wasn’t in control either. Later, knowing what he was, I offered him the way out and a continued future with me. He was still in his discard/fury stage and pursuing other females, so I removed the choice and fired him from the office of husband. I did not stop loving him. Nothing he has ever done has ever diminished the love I bear him. It is the most frustrating part of having that prayer answered. I don’t love him for his charm or his looks or even for his bright and amazing soul, so hampered by the broken mind. I love him because God loves me. That will never change. If we are tangled together forever now, I will not be a victim of it. I will be an equal owner.
Someone either already has or will soon offer you this same thing, HG. It is time for the games to end. The power you have is not given to you for the soulless purpose you have been using it for. God is good.
Does it ever happen that a narcissist has the suspicion he’ve lost the chance to hoover a particular victim forever?
Yes. If the victim is dead.
This notion is particularly disturbing.
It has hit a very real and raw nerve.At this present moment I am simply too overwhelmed to explain and any efforts to truncate my personal situation seem impossible.
Day 2 and unable to get up.I’m barely functioning.I’m becoming reclusive and detached.All the previous convictions of ‘moving forward and focused’ have now dissipated.
The addiction to ring/text is overwhelming and I have fallen off the wagon already this morning.How is it that I am able to maintain no contact intimately but to hear a few words despite the knowledge they are vacuous,is sufficient in that moment to assuage my emptiness?
He was the only thing I had.I think he likes me to be broken.
He promised me a future when he already has one with a ‘primary source’,.
I feel as if we are operating in The Emperors New Clothes pantomime in that I know his duplicity is outstanding but I fear more about what that tells me about myself.
My overriding question HG is whether such demoralising dependence
on this kind of behaviour is in fact merely an indictment of masochistic mental illness?
I think I know the answer.
Do you believe other than in the eventuality of death being the only means of severing the toxic umbilical tie,that answering to a Higher Power, a spiritual Omniscience could provide a source of strength in so doing?
A previous ‘love’ of this person did accordingly take their life many years ago for unknown reasons.The details have been ‘compartmentalised’, passed off as too painful.The date,month even season cannot be remembered apparently.
This sits in my gut and slithers through my synapses.
Why?
You do not have a crystal ball HG but perhaps you see something I do not want to.
It is a consequence of addiction which is maintained by the conning effects of emotional thinking.
Only death brings total release. Once we die, that is it.
Thank you for the insight on this topic. I had an “aha!” Moment. This explains why he seems so unconcerned with me leaving his life. At first, because i felt devalued i thought it was the only reason. Now i am wondering if is more because he does not believe he will never see me again. He even said once, “well when you get back from your vacation i will be able to spend time with you.” He was referencing a move to another state that i was considering. It was by no means a vacation.
I have one who ignored me for a year & a half, after a massive rage & dismissal. Yet quietly stalked me by leaving items disturbed or displayed at my home, or head lights at my gate, every few weeks. He finally made contact with me in a supermarket & lived that he had been anywhere near me.