Seven Lies For Seven Others

SEVEN LIES

 

The lies we tell with reference to other people.

  1. She is just a friend

 

Oh no she is not. Whilst it is entirely the case that we will have friends, both in the inner and outer circles who are of the opposite sex, you should be aware that whilst that may be their current status, in terms of their ability to provide us with fuel, they once had a different status. The key word here is “just”. We say this to emphasise that this person is a friend and nothing more so don’t think you can pin any blame on us. The reality is that this person was once an intimate partner and has been demoted to a friend but is very much still in play. We keep them hanging on in the hope that they believe they will be reinstated and thus they keep providing us with fuel. Secondly, she will be used to triangulate with you both now as friend v you as intimate partner and later as reinstated intimate partner v you as discarded intimate partner. She will be keen to usurp you because she wants us again. She wants the golden period again. She is the competition and we encourage it.

  1. She’s just a friend, again.

 Look who is back? Actually she is not, she is someone else but she fits in the mould of being described as “just a friend” to you in order to deflect those accusing looks you are giving us. Once again this person will be an inner or outer circle friends, maybe “just” an acquaintance but we have plans for her. This is your replacement who we are busy seducing, as we once did with you. This is the person who will be providing us with fresh and invigorating fuel after we have cast you down from your pedestal. It is coming, believe me. This is the competition. Again.

 

  1. I am so proud of my son/daughter

I am a high achiever and I expect my children to follow in my foot-steps, after all, they are just a part of me, extensions of me and I expect them to do as I desire, rather than find their own way in life. I will push them to succeed at school, in sports, with music and so forth because their achievements are actually my achievements. My son graduated with honours; he gets his brains from me. My daughter won the county athletic championships; I was always an excellent runner. Those achievements are down to me and I will take all of the credit for them , pulling the spotlight away from them and onto me where it belongs. I am not proud of them at all. I am proud of myself.

  1. She abused me

Your predecessor was a horrible person. I did everything that I could for her. Everything. I gave my all for our relationship and how was I repaid? Lies, control and abuse. She stopped me seeing my friends, stole money from me, told lies to my boss so I lost my job, hit me and made my life an absolute misery. I escaped her and she came after me because she cannot ever let me go. She will always want to cause me problems. She seems to thrive on it. There is clearly something very wrong with her since she behaves in this way. If you ever meet her, watch out, she will tell you all manner of lies about me. Don’t believe anything she says, she is evil, pure evil.

Did I mean my ex? I was talking to myself again there.

  1. He is a close and personal friend

Yes that famous actor over there. Do you see him? Yes, that’s him. He is a close and personal friend of mine. I have known him for years. He thinks I am great. We have such a great time together. Of course he is often busy so we do not see as much of one another as we would both like, but when we do, boy do we have a fantastic time. I could tell you a few stories about him, but of course I won’t, I am the model of discretion you see. We met at a film premiere some years ago, I forgot which one precisely, but we hit it off straight away. I always do with people, I am just a people person really, great at connecting with people. I know quite a few famous people to be honest but I do not like to talk about it too much. Will I go and say hello? Of course, he will be probably come over to talk to me in a minute after he has spoken to his fans. He likes to get his obligations out of the way before talking to his real friends. Let me tell you about some other famous people I am friends with whilst we are waiting.

  1. My family are trouble

It is a terrible fact but my family are trouble. I wish it was not the case. I wish they were more like yours. You seem to have such a good relationship with your parents and your brother. I don’t have that with mine. It is all down to jealousy you see. Terrible isn’t it? Do feel free to feel sorry for me. Good, thank you. Yes, I have always been the achiever of the family and for some reason, rather than support me and praise me for my endeavours I get nothing but insults, cold shoulders and nastiness. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, it is always the same. I get no recognition for the sacrifices I make. I get no understanding or compassion because they are all self-obsessed, too busy screaming “Look at me” to care about me. I haven’t had it easy you know? I may appear successful and brilliant but it has been a tough slog to the top and they have not helped one bit. I hate them. I know I shouldn’t say that about them but you would say the same if you had been treated the way I had. I am afraid you will have to meet them at some point, they will seem all sweetness and light at first, but don’t be fooled. They are evil underneath.

  1. He is a liar

Him? Oh we were once really good friends but not anymore, not after what he did to me. I lent him some money, quite a lot actually. He had hit a difficult time with his job and this meant that his bills were not being paid, at least that is what he told me. I later found out he had gambling debts and rather than use the money I lent him to clear those debts. I would not have minded to be honest, he went and gambled it away and made the debt larger. He came back with some sob story about needing the money for a medical bill and me being the caring fool I am was taken in. What did he really want it for? Oh you guessed it, more gambling. I am such an idiot but I cannot help but try and help people out. I had to say no to him after that and do you know what his response was? Rather than understand and be thankful for all the help that I have given him, he starts telling people that I am the one who owes him money. Can you believe it? That’s why I have nothing to do with him. He lies all the time so watch out as he is bound to try and turn you against me. Thank goodness I got to you first.

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20 Comments

  1. #1-#7, experienced them all! Our flying monkey says just be friends with my x narc- Ummmm, I don’t think so. You too will experience that same person and since she is a woman. I told her he is going to make a pass at you soon and you have something he needs in a daily basis. If you didn’t have it he would not even bother with you. She will just have to see for herself my words are “truth”.

  2. When I watched the interview with Jussie Smollett I about choked when I saw all his victimization and deflection.

    As example, anyone who questions his versions of the event, he responds with, ‘Oh…you don’t want the truth.’

    That is something the Mid Ranger would have done. When I questioned him on his BS, ‘I can’t believe you would say that about me.’

    Which reminds me, I recently dug up some emails from 2010 where I am bitching about the narc to a friend, and I am mentioning details I have since forgotten.

    Just seeing how much I let him manipulate me is astounding, as I am in such a different place now.

    I still can’t believe I let him stick around for so long. It is a combo of both fascinating from an observant perspective but also hard to stomach.

    And I am very much enjoying your recent YT uploads, HG!

    1. Hi Bibi, Agreed. My antennae popped right up when I saw his ridiculous injuries supposedly caused by a physical assault. I’ve had my nose broken and my front tooth knocked out. Those scratches on his face looked like they came from his cat!!! Another fantastic example of narcissism is the Elizabeth Holmes rise and fall. She is the woman who started a company called THERANOS that imploded recently. Look for the ABC news podcast called THE DROPOUT on itunes. John Carreyrou was the first journalist to expose this debacle in an excellent book called BAD BLOOD documenting this “UNBELIEVABLE” story (an homage to HG’s unrivaled and unprecedented mastery of the subject of narcissism). Also, as I have stated before, GRINGO is a story about John McAfee. He is blatantly narcissistic/sociopathic and, possibly even, psychopathic.

      1. E&L:

        That pic of him in the hospital with the scratch literally looks like an Instagram selfie. He is posing and showing it off. And the fact that he kept the noose ON hours later ‘so the police could see.’

        If someone put a noose around my neck, I would be scrambling to remove it as soon as possible.

        And that woman you mention–I do know of her, as my biotech company has an article hanging up about her in the break room. (Not MY biotech company, I just work there. LOL)

        I told a coworker that she is a good example of a sociopath, wherein coworker said, ‘Sociopath? More like a con artist.’

        Then I said, ‘What do you think a sociopath is? How do these behaviours manifest otherwise? Ted Bundy is a rarity.’

        That got her to understand. Most think sociopaths are those with horns and drooling at the mouth. They’re not.

        (Sorry to bring up Bundy. I am really tired of the guy.) And fuck that Jussie guy. He sickens me.

        The personal injuries you mention E&L are horrible. So sorry. A Lesser Narcissist, I presume?

        1. Bibi, WordPress is rejecting my reply. I’ll try here…no worries about the physical abuse, that happened in my 20’s. I am almost 55 now. Other than tangential narcs (neighbors, hoovers), I stay isolated and safe with my dogs and cat. I’m quite content. Glad you know of Elizabeth Holmes. I knew years ago there was something very contrived about her voice and wide-eyed expression. I just hadn’t yet learned about narcissism. Thanks for your response!

    2. Bibi
      I recently read some old messages I’d sent my friend about my narc as well and it made me so sad and angry at myself. I was on the right track in identifying what was happening but I was a complete mess at the time. I’ve since deleted the messages but I do understand your point about the fascination, in retrospect. It’s interesting in a way to recount it all. Still painful but now there’s enough separation that I’m able to look at it almost from outside myself.

    3. Hi Bibi, The charges against Jussie Smollett have been dropped in lieu of community service served since his arrest and his forfeiting of his $10,000 bond to the city of Chicago. The Mayor and police chief were blindsided! Money and fame are the masters of the modern human civilization.

  3. You must have a good time with people, HG. It seems like everyone’s deeper workings are exposed to you. Like you must be at the mall and be able to see what everyone is thinking and feeling behind their masks. You must have a good time fucking with other narcs, too. Being able to run circles around everyone, figuratively speaking, can be quite lonely. Do they have malls where you live?

    Since communications with the ULN resumed, I left the water running all day while I was at work last week, and last night I left the burner on overnight. It’s not good for me. I don’t know that I can stop it without sufficient provocation, however. Last night I ran into his uncle at an auto parts store. I would have preferred to go my whole life without seeing any of his family again. It felt like an ambush, but it wasn’t. I didn’t really like this uncle anyway, but he is just working to support his family. There are other options for auto parts I can use.

    You probably would have been quick to see an opportunity and sieze upon it, be charming and witty and manipulative and in control of the situation. The best I can say about how I handled it is that I didn’t run.

    I have three haiku’s I wrote about narcs:

    I meant I love you.
    You don’t have people you love-
    Just people you use.

    Cupid didn’t know
    When his arrow hit your heart
    You’ve no feeling there.

    Enough shiny coats
    Of paint still will not hide what’s
    Rotten to the core.

      1. He would frequent Hot Topic and Hollister with all the other tweens. He needs some goth clothes from Hot Topic.

        1. santaann1964:

          Even the most beautiful yards have weeds. It ain’t real. Even swimming in some pool is short lived. Your eyes will turn red from the chlorine.

          For lunch, HG would likely serve hot dogs and corn chips with chili from the can. You don’t want this.

          We empaths serve top-tier BBQ. And we give you wine and German beer.

  4. Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    As I told you in a previous comment, I started a silent treatment with my current partner. He has lots of red flags that you mention in your book red flags.
    It all started because, she started triangulating me with a co-worker, in every conversation her name came up, because she, because she’s funny, fantastic, you know she’s a photographer too. At first I didn’t give her the greatest importance, because the truth is, I’m not a very apprehensive person. But it seemed extremely strange to me that even having a private conversation with my sister, he was listening and about and while he was on the phone he entered into the conversation without coming to terms with it, mentioning it again. This caused the alarm to go off on me.
    Why are you so insistent on this girl?
    Why does he mention her in all the conversations?
    Because she gets into private conversations, she mentions her name?
    Strange behavior and more knowing now what I know…
    Fictitious or real triangulation, it doesn’t matter.
    As a result of this we had a discussion about this triangulation to which she masterfully knew how to derive it to a previous relationship. I don’t know how, but instead of talking about the main topic its triangulation. Let’s finish talking about my current relationship. This didn’t make sense to me. To which I was looking at this new narcissist in action.
    I decided to give him his own medicine and started the silent treatment, the truth for me is really difficult and boring, everything has to be said.
    But this experiment or experiment, call it whatever you want to make me stand on the other side of the mirror and with it some questions assault my mind.

    He asks me but I don’t answer you, what have you done?
    And I ask myself, interior mind, are you stupid or do you do it?
    You’re triangulating me and you think I haven’t caught you.
    You don’t know who you’re playing with! if you want to play let’s play!
    You hurt me with your triangulations and you do not realize, and you say that you are the person who loves me?
    You are so sinic and not very discreet, that you even let me listen in a telephone conversation that you will meet again?
    You think I don’t know what you’re doing.
    You spend more time in this new relationship than with your own partner.
    I think I’m getting bored of maintaining a relationship like this. It doesn’t help me.
    I feel devalued.
    And I feel like doing harm.
    I have to leave with a good taste in my mouth. That’s why I may have to machine anything.
    Absent treatment.
    Triangulation
    Gas light.
    Or some well-crafted evil.

    I may not do any of these things because I’m not a narcissist but I could do it and I wouldn’t feel bad, I assure you Tudor. This makes me think, too, that the level of fury of a true narcissist is raised to maximum power.

    It surprises me in a way, my partner, and I see how little he knows me, how little he values me, how little he cares, how little he cares for me, how little he brings to the relationship. I see that the word “little” is repeated constantly. And this word makes me think again.
    For a little, nothing better.
    I see that it is the navel of the world. But let’s not forget that I am also another navel…
    Silent treatment gives you a lot of time to think and see how current, what it does, what it says and what they are are are unrelated.
    I love you very much but it continues with the triangulation… A smile, a word, they don’t cost much and aren’t worth anything.
    And new questions and reasoning assaults my mind…
    If you loved me, you would know what you are doing, what you are saying, you would listen to my words and my demands and therefore understand my actions.
    Since you don’t attend and you don’t pay attention to me and you don’t give a shit, why should I worry about your feelings? Who are you, are you better or bigger and more important than me?
    If you do this to me, because I should not do the same… besides I can do it! And I would love to punish you for your intransigence and your lack of tact, your insult towards me.

    Tudor, is that how the narcissist acts and thinks?
    If so, now I understand their attitude and why they do what they do, because at the end of the day.
    “Every action has a reaction of the same force (or a little stronger with the narcissist) but in the opposite direction. Newton.
    Simple self-defense…

    Okay, in many ways sometimes take another perspective.

  5. I must add that the constant attacks started when the sister moved in. The week prior to that she was nicer than normal.

  6. How do we get back to normalcy with these people? We have a child together and all communication is negative on their end. The negative energy normally last about 6 days…..its been weeks this time around. How do I get it to stop?

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