Shoot You Down
A plaintive wail which I often hear is along the lines of,
“Why do you always have to shoot me down? I give you everything you could ever want. Why can’t you just be happy with that?”
As usual you delude yourself with such a statement. You do not give me everything I could ever want. You think that you do, but that is the self-centredness that you often exhibit creeping in once again. You certainly care, I will grant you that, but you make the mistake of assuming what you do is what we want. What we want is fuel. I know what comes next.
“I always told you how much I loved you, I admired and complimented you often and frequently. How much more could I make you feel good about yourself?”
Therein lies the problem. No matter how good your intentions and how frequent your worship of me, my kind and me will always grow tired of it. We have heard your kind words and seen your appreciative gestures too many times and it, well, it just does not do it for us anymore. I am sure that you emotionally in touch people would be the first to complain if a long established partner engages in the same routine in the bedroom. It does not hit the spot anymore does it? Well, it is just the same for us. You may ultimately accept that things cool somewhat in the bedroom and I know from what I have seen and heard that you trade this passion off (although not always, there are some sexual thrill seekers amongst your kind) for other qualities that you find attractive – humour, companionship, security, warmth, good parental skills, intelligence and such like. There is no hope for any such trade with us. We only want one thing from our relationship. Fuel. We do not care (ultimately) how good-looking you are, how much of a whore you are between the sheets, how wonderful a mother you may be, what a raconteur you are or how much you earn. We will never accept those things or anything else as a substitute for fuel. True enough, the more aged of our kind sometimes accept these things when their need for fuel diminishes but that need never goes away. They may decide to accept these attributes alongside largely positive fuel, but they will still need to stir things up from time to time.
That is not going to happen with me. I am at the peak of my powers and therefore my need for fuel remains substantial. There can be no substitute for it at all and nor can there be any co-existence between the provision of fuel and other attributes. It is fuel or nothing. In order to achieve this I have to shoot you down because once that is done you start to flow with the potent negative fuel and my cravings start to be addressed. You can beg and plead with me, you can point out how you will always only ever have eyes for me, you can express your love, desire, adoration and admiration on an hourly basis but there comes a point when it just does not have that sweetness anymore. It is then that I pull the handgun from my jacket, attach the silencer and fire several vitriolic bullets into you. Your pain from these wounding bullets gives me the fuel that I need and therefore your shooting is necessary. Moreover, it is your punishment for letting me down. You really ought to be capable of pleasing me the whole time but so far, all that I have chosen have failed. That is why I now expect you to fail and have that gun to hand at all times.
When I shoot you down, I become more powerful as the fuel flows from you. Moreover, it is easy to get someone to admire and adore. Those reactions come naturally to your kind. It is far harder to extract tears, anger, frustration and regret from the empath. Managing to do so imbues your emotional reaction with greater potency, your fuel becomes supercharged and this is what we want. We cannot shoot you down from the beginning, we need you stood on a pedestal first, after all, you present as such an inviting target then and your toppling as the bullets slam into you becomes all the more satisfying.
I sense your dismay as you read this. You had hoped that by keeping me sweet and onside through a dazzling and tireless display of love, affection and admiration you had hoped to avoid such an attack. Your concerns should not be absolute. There is an upside you know. Firstly, when we find someone else after we have shot you down, keep in mind they will eventually be riddled with bullet holes no matter how happy we both appear at first. It is coming to them as it came to you. I am sure that makes you feel a little better doesn’t it? Secondly, there is a huge saving grace.
We never shoot you dead.
We need you alive so we can raise you up again as we re-load.
39 thoughts on “Shoot You Down”
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Bang, Bang, my baby shot me down.
Hello, H.G. Tudor.
In this post you speak that it is more difficult to provoke negative emotional reactions in the empathic. But when you do it impregnates your emotional reaction with greater power, the fuel becomes “overfed” and this is what we want.
I suppose you mean that the emotional reaction obtained from your unpleasant action or punishment is impregnated because that action involves your manipulation, mistreatment, abuse, right, omission of guilt and control of the actions over the life of the empathic victim.
It is therefore by mixing these two that we call them principles (Abuses and Control) on the victim + (Emotional Reaction) produced in the victim by such abuse = The one that generates the supercharged fuel = (Power), And it is this at the end of the day, it is the true fuel that makes the Ego grow for the Narcissist.
Because if so, the emotional reaction would only be a component, which while it may have some effect on the narcissist, by itself would only be of poor quality or a low octane fuel. If it works but it doesn’t, as it should. A car not prepared for this type of fuel may work but eventually it will break.
Because the narcissist must always obtain or transform this low octane fuel into Power fuel, through its abuse, manipulation and control. For this reason the Gold period is usually so short…
While the positive fuel is not exerted by its control, this although good, is of much lower quality, as it is spilled or poured by the empathic naturally. Admiration, love and affection for the narcissist. But this is not what the narcissist really needs.
The narcissist must exercise his abuse, manipulation and control to transform this fuel into another much more powerful, transforming it into the real fuel with which the narcissist works, The power. And because for the narcissist, the positive fuel of the golden age degrades rapidly.
You have always said, that the empathic stops supplying the fuel or that its quality falls and begins with devaluation. But I really believe that you start with devaluation because the fuel you really want is the one that comes, by exercising control and dominion over your empathic victim, it is this one that elevates you and makes you feel powerful.
The Narcissist cannot stop exercising this control, because if he only maintained himself with the fuel of the golden age, it would also make him collapse, because it does not elevate his ego.
The positive fuel, would be like an additional fuel of lower quality, and only serves to keep it active, while jumping from victim to victim …
This positive fuel is only this or allows it to work, until the victim is well anchored and secured. And to loosen at some point the victim, so that he does not realize the narcissistic abuse and this escape. Golden Age – Devaluation – Golden Age – Devaluation. Returning to the victim disoriented between the abuse and your dissonant behavior. Cognitive dissociation.
This whole process is to calm your anxiety, anguish and discomfort that you feel, that rage that you have inside and fill the void of your ego. But the next day, you feel empty again and everything starts again.
Is Tudor right?
I get what you’re saying J.G., although you took a long round about way of saying it. I know as well that the narc is just trying to get to the abusive devaluation phase to truly feel his power. How great can positive fuel be if the empath gives it freely to everyone? The true power must lie in the negative fuel, making the empath angry, distrustful, and self doubting. If the narc can get that out of someone who is normally cheerful, trusting, and confident, therein lies the motherlode of fuel.
This is why negative fuel is more potent, as previously explained, but it is not the reason devaluation occurs. Devaluation is an unconscious form of punishment arising from you letting us down – hence your fuel becomes stale (you have let us down), your do not provide enough fuel (you have let us down), you do not provide fuel frequently enough (you have let us down).
Sorry I uploaded it in Spanish
Hello, H.G.Tudor.
You say the devaluation is caused by a lack of positive fuel and a decay of it. Why don’t we supply enough and powerful enough and it becomes rancid, monotonous and boring, losing brightness and interest to the narcissist. These are the causes that start the devaluation. From the narcissist’s point of view. Yes, this is correct from your perspective as a narcissist. But it is only your perspective or vision. But the reality is very different.
The fact is that the positive fuel that the empathic supplies never decays. Rather I would even say that it is quite the opposite, it grows and increases. I tell you this from my own experience as a victim and also because of our problem solving character and our Eight Exploitations of Empathy.
https://narcsite.com/2019/03/26/the-eight-exploitations-of-empathy-16/
The problem or the real cause, you said it yourself in one of your posts…
And it is that the narcissist is quickly bored of the positive fuel.
“Trust engenders contempt. He gets tired of eating strawberry ice cream very quickly, he needs to change, vary in the variation this taste….
Not having fully developed their emotional traits, affection, affection, love etc.. Not feeling or not having the capacity to develop these feelings fully, in a functional way. The natural process of falling in love is cut short. And there is no link between the narcissist and the victim.
Just in case, you feel the initial infatuation, a spark without major transcendence. An initial spark that makes you think that person will be the only one. But the process is repeated with each and every one of its victims. Simply because the initial spark cannot ignite anything, because there is NOTHING else to ignite, because you are devoid of such emotional traits.
In our case, the spark ignites a living fire, which makes us fall into the most absolute infatuation. The rest of our traits, characters and qualities do the rest. The manipulation of the narcissist makes us addicted to them, in an illogical and irrational way.
The narcissist projects his frustration and guilt on his victim, because he cannot accept that the guilt is his own and that the problem is his own. No, this one is not good enough for me, I can’t fall in love, the next one will be better, newer and brighter and it will be the only one. But surprise happens again exactly the same.
The narcissist is like the drug addict, who begins with a soft drug (a joint) = positive fuel, but when he has tried it several times, it stops causing the high, because it becomes rancid, boring and monotonous. Nothing happens to the joint, it still has its active principles and is just as powerful as ever. The drug addict simply got used to it and no longer calms it down or brings what it brought to the beginning.
Then he moves on to a more potent and harder drug, the period of devaluation. Your heroin or cocaine. He got into his laboratory and with his knowledge of chemistry he takes the active principles of cannabis and multiplies them by 1000 with his manipulations and devaluations and this cooked drug, as they say in slang, is what the narcissist wants. A powerful and hard drug. The narcissist is a drug addict who needs this type of drug, which makes him elevate his ego.
When the empathic, by the continuous abuse received stops showing his emotional attention, by mental fatigue, routine, and exhaustion. The narcissist leaves it aside, and passes on to another new “camel” his new victim.
It is really surprising to contemplate how this is so, comparing the scarce Gold period in my case of 5/6 months, with the devaluation time of 10 years until decommitment.
Why doesn’t the narcissist get tired or bored of the negative attention of the victim? As does the positive fuel! Simply because this is the true fuel he seeks and needs for his existence. A manipulated and cooked fuel
If at any time the narcissist shows some kind of positive emotional attention towards the empathic, it is not because he really feels it but because it is another one of his thousands of manipulations. A little balm to the wound, to re-lacerating his victim.
For me, my relationship with my narcissist left me with a feeling of failure… My great sentimental failure. Today while I was having a coffee, I thought about how I fell in love with my narcissist, the truth was strange, because I simply did not cross a word with him, it was simply to see him climb the stairs of the bar. I already liked him. I knew I liked him from the moment I saw him. But I didn’t tell him until much later. Possibly, he would notice this from the beginning and begin his pseudo seduction. I say pseudo seduction because I really didn’t have to seduce myself I was already in love, because it was real, on my part. And I believe that this elevates me, to the ONLY, among all for several reasons, the most important and main one I have never seen and have never endured any of the following
“But I really believe that you start with devaluation because the fuel you really want is the one that comes, by exercising control and dominion over your empathic victim, it is this one that elevates you and makes you feel powerful”
I sense the same.
Wrong. Devaluation is for the reasons stated previously.
Control does not commence with devaluation. It commences with seduction.
I just love the title. One of my favourite songs ever. “I never waaaaanted the love that you showed me. It started to choke me…” clearly written by a narcissist. Ha!
Thanks HG you just inspired my cleaning playlist for the evening. Cheers!
Cleaning with bleach or ‘cleaning’ as in removal of persons?!
You’re the only narc in my world now HG! The rest are history🤞🏻
It did make me ponder if there are any male Empaths in the UK. The place just seems to be teeming with your kind. They do write the best songs though.
I can attest there are plenty of empaths in the UK. Just ask those in the Asylum of the Grotesque for starters.
Hi Twisted Heart. A bit like the other N song by Dean Lewis “I forgot to love you”.
It is interesting to note that early researchers thought boredom positively correlated with low intelligence. However, current research shows boredom creates the space for creative solutions in highly intelligent people. Here is an interesting take:
http://nautil.us/issue/53/monsters/what-boredom-does-to-you
HG, Do you think your high intelligence plays a role in your boredom with sources? Or is it solely a function of fuel acquisition in accordance with the prime aims?
I think my very high level of intelligence contributes to my boredom but is not the sole cause. My lack of empathy and psychopathy are the main drivers, then add my narcissism and intelligence. A heady brew indeed !
Yes, indeed! Thank you for your honest evaluation. I wish you peace within. Always, but especially in those moments, or days that you feel let down. The person who loves you does not comprehend the connection of fuel and likely never intended to let you down.
Good question, FYC; and interesting answer, HG.
Hey H.G.
I’m am eternally grateful for all of your information. It has helped me tremendously. Do you have any posts more on family dynamics with narcs?
You are welcome. If you use the searched function you will find them.
marinathemermaid3
These articles explain the family dynamic with narcs very well.
https://narcsite.com/2016/11/27/keep-it-in-the-family/#comments
https://narcsite.com/2019/03/09/the-parental-hoover-8/
If I suspect someone that is very close to me might be entangled with a narcissist, would I be able to use the narc detector to find out before I say anymore to this person? I see the signs, but some are off and I just have to be sure!
This is so dismal. But true.
HG, Is one of the reasons you are able to use this new dynamic because you are ageing and you do not need the amount of fuel you once did?
No.
I just read about the older a narcissist gets the less fuel he needs. I wasn’t applying you were old! But are your fuel needs lower now then when you were in your twenties or thirties?
Hi H.G. Question off topic. What’s your take on narcs having true compassion for animals? I know someone who really fits the narc mode to a tee, except she really deeply loves animals and will cry like a baby if her cat dies or the commercial for ASPCA comes on TV.
It’s a façade.
But if they don’t know it’s a facade and they treated the animal well then the relationship was “real” and a success—-it was effective for them both.. It’s just a little confusing at times for me.
Yes it is real because nobody imagined it, but it is not genuine.
Yep and now that I’m researching, she was definitely Borderline personality and not a narc, although her adult daughter is convinced she’s a narc.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Interesting, do they get their “fuel” from animals ?
My mum calmed down a massive bull in front of a couple of big burly blokes who couldn’t control it …. they looked at her in disbelief
She considers herself an animal whisperer and having magical powers
Thank you
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
The fuel came from the burly blokes, not the animal.
Some animals can give fuel however owing to the fact they provide an emoitonal response.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Haha, more than highly likely ..my mum is different (very eccentric)
Well, she still get her kicks out of animals and thats no bull 🐂
🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles
Google: Bull slang. Your story takes on new meaning and has had me laughing here.
Dearest NarcAngel,
Hahaaahaahha, I’m glad … thanks gorgeous
Where I come from, we say it lot …..no bull 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 🐂
Interesting! Do you mean that a lot of narcs pretend to love animals or it’s just something the mental health community more or less made up?
A Lesser Narcissist uses an animal to triangulate and may evidence ‘love’ towards it for that purpose as well as abuse an animal to triangulate. The animal of course is used in a practical sense a lot by Lesser Narcissists – think gun dog, working horse etc.
The Mid Range Narcissist will think they love the animal but they do not, they also triangulate using the animal. They are less likely to abuse an animal and indeed will use caring for an animal, even say working at a shelter, as part of their facade and a device for garnering fuel from other people. Animals will be used more as trophies – showing off a breed of dog, fussing over an exotic cat.
The Greater Narcissist does not exhibit love towards an animal but rather pride. We are less likely to be interested in animals but where we are it will either be through investment – rare fish, race horse, stud farm or by having an exotic menagerie of some descrption or a collection of dead exhibits.
Thank you for the detailed response!
My ex narc once had her dog destroyed to secure me. The dog was difficult to control but only 2 years old. She had floated the idea of having him destroyed… She had another, passive dog which he tormented.
Eventually… when it looked like I might slip away, he allegedly collapsed and needed to be put down.
She called me in a state.. and I rushed to her. She had the dog for buriel in the garden.. Our 4 collective children were besides themselves with grief. She also cried so much I could not leave her.
My husband, who had permitted my relationship with her 2 years earlier, moved out of our bedroom that night.
It was the final straw for him.
I had wanted to return to him but to leave her that night was impossible. She occurred like she might die without me.
It was another 2 years before the disengagement we are now 4 years into.
It took some 6 months after that discard to see this lie and many others.