Jealous Of Your Contentment
Granting you contentment is part of our design when we seduce you and grant you the golden period. The provision of your contentment at that juncture in our entanglement provides the luscious positive fuel to flow in our direction and all is well. We truly do delight in seeing you content with the illusion that we have woven for you. It is when you and us move into the stages of devaluation and discard that we regard your state of contentment in a wholly different manner,
During devaluation if we witness you appearing content, we are overcome with jealousy. Why should you be allowed to sit there satisfied, happy and relaxed? Why do you not suffer the repeated unease of the desire to gain fuel when those supplies become low? We look across the room at you, your features composed in an expression of peace. The envy rises and we despise the fact that you are sat in pleasant repose, seemingly all at ease with the world. We invariably associate that your composed appearance is achieved in order to annoy and frustrate us. You know don’t you? You know that we have this churning fury inside us which shifts and slides. You know that we have the growing hunger for fuel and how this creates a restlessness in us. You know all of this and yet you sit there, revelling in our discomfort. If you cared you would not be enjoying that book, talking on the ‘phone to a friend or watching your favourite television programme. No, if you loved us properly then you would be ensuring that this restlessness was banished and that our sense of power and might was reinstated. Your content state is being bandied about in front of us, teasing and provoking. You are mocking us because you are achieving something that is denied to us at that time. How dare you behave in this manner? How dare you forget about our needs? This is symptomatic of the selfishness we knew you possessed and now you wave it in our faces suggesting that somehow we are inferior to you. This will not do.
Your contentment at this stage amounts to a provocation and is tantamount to a criticism of us. You have achieved contentment whilst we experience restlessness and you know this don’t you? Oh, we know that you will pretend to be unaware of what you are doing, but we know your game. We are not fooled by these protestations of innocence so when we fling the dinner plate to the floor, shattering the plate and silence, causing you to jump up in fright, you knew it was coming. The plate lies broken and your contentment in one swift move is similarly smashed. You are not allowed to be content unless it is by our say so. We want you on tenterhooks, your nervous eyes looking to us for approval and consent. Exhibit any sign of being relaxed, at ease or content and we will take action to destroy that state in an instant. We will pick a fight, create an argument, call you a name, break something, interrupt you with an insult walk out and slam the door and so many other actions all designed to remove you from your contented position. When we see you like that, you remind us of what we cannot achieve at that time and we hate you for it.
It becomes worse when the relationship has ended. Whether you escaped us or we discarded you, there will come a point when we turn our sights on you again in order to extract that wonderful hoover fuel. It may be weeks or months later but we will have been undertaking observations in order to determine the most effective way of hoovering you. If we see you getting on with your life, radiating happiness and an air of contentment it infuriates us hugely. How dare you seem happy without us? You are meant to be broken and distraught, that is how the aftermath is supposed to be. Admittedly, it usually is, but every so often we may find that one of our victims has seized the power and advanced his or her position, forging through the emotion and formulating their recovery. It may be the case that we have seen you on one of the few good days, the bad days taking place where the world cannot see, but that does not matter to us. Should we witness you looking well, smiling, having lost weight, or looking fitter, dressing elegantly, meeting friends with laughter and smiles it wounds us considerably. You seem to have forgotten us. You are bound to us, forever, have you forgotten that this is the case? You are at our beck and call until the day either of us breathes our last, yet here you are striding across the street, hair glossy and styled, posture confident and uplifted and meeting somebody with a kiss and a broad smile. This was not meant to happen. You exude contentment, a confidence that we thought was shattered and unlikely to be rebuilt for some time. How did this happen? Who has caused this transformation from the sobbing wretch we left without so much as a goodbye to the contented person we now look at from the shadows? It may be a one-off, it may be a glimpse of something that is a work in progress, but such considerations do not matter when we see it. We are wounded by this display. You appear to no longer need us. Where is the stooped figure? The haunted individual with dark-circled eyes and pallid skin? Where is the comfort-eater that we mocked so horribly? Where has the lank-haired, nervous shuffling person we tormented gone to? This was not meant to happen. Ever.
Seeing you so content post escape or post discard is a massive criticism to us. The lesser or mid-range of our kind will most likely slink away, regarding this show of strength (temporary even though it may be) as evidencing somebody with defences high and radar warily sensitive. Any hoover would be doomed to hoover and might even result in further injurious harm. No, the lesser or mid-range will retreat and return to the new prospect that has been acquired and other sources of fuel and make a mental note that a hoover at this juncture is unlikely to meet with success. The Greater of our kind will seethe and glower, dismayed and wounded by this peacock performance. Unseen, we will send baleful glares your way as we formulate a way to pierce this shield of contentment. Schemes will be concocted once again in order to hammer this contentment into nothingness. The Greater may, if sufficiently motivated, spring forward and unless malign actions for the purpose of drawing negative fuel, preferring to adopt such a tactic rather than seek to draw the target back in. It is time to lash out and destroy rather than capture. Our fury is ignited and our calculating minds will ascertain that this can only be a veneer. It is far too soon for you to appear to content again, no matter how much it appears genuine. We want to halt the recovery before it gathers any more momentum and thus the Greater will unleash a savage malign hoover, smearing and hurling insults, dredging up those historic vulnerabilities in order to break the contentment again, just as we did those many months ago during devaluation. The ignited fury drives the Greater forward to shatter, break and destroy and if successful, then he or she knows that further malign assaults can be rolled out to cripple the recovery. Once the recovery has been derailed, the contentment eradicated and the veneer of confidence stripped, then the golden period can be dangled again before the quivering victim.
It never does to see you contented. This is why when we see it during devaluation you will suffer and adverse reaction. Following the cessation of the relationship it wounds us considerably and will generate a certain response dependent on the type of our kind that you were entangled with. The maintenance of contentment is indeed a blow against us.
27 thoughts on “Jealous Of Your Contentment”
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HG,
My daughter’s father sent me a text message last night that has me confused.. It said:
“Great Question.. But I Could Care Less..”
I hadn’t heard from him before this for exactly 3 weeks, when he sent me a text message asking if we could talk, but didn’t follow up with calling until hours later and by that time, I was asleep and did not answer his call.. I didn’t reach out to him since then in any way, definitely not asking him any questions.. It’s as if he just sent me a random text message last night, pretending he was replying to me.. Why would he do this, expressing he “could care less” about this phantom question I never asked?
1. Why is this channel open? You are committing no contact suicide.
2. There was a Hoover Trigger and the HEC was met, thus you were hoovered.
3. The form of the hoover was instinctively done to provoke you into responding.
4. He should have written ‘I couldn’t care less’.
I either need to eventually get a different type of phone or change my phone number.. Although his phone number is listed on my block list, I can still receive his text messages–they are just filtered to a different inbox, instead of my main one..
Over the course of this past weekend, I discovered what this stemmed from.. There is a new app game on Facebook called “Profoundly”.. People can send anonymous messages to their Facebook friends through this app game.. A lot of people are using it to ask questions or say things to a person they evidently don’t have the guts to say to them directly.. I highly speculate my daughter’s father believed I used this app to anonymously ask him a question and then replied to me in text message.. However, being the idiot he is, who actually thinks he’s sooo smart, he “forgot” he recently deleted me as a friend on Facebook (and I blocked him thereafter), so it is not possible to play this app game with him on Facebook because we aren’t friends..
I’m glad I didn’t reply to him, just by instinct.. I knew he wanted to trigger me and get me to respond to him.. I spent the next couple of days confused and really hurt, feeling like a target of subtle malice on his behalf.. I hate being in confusing situations where I doubt what I have said in the recent past due to his gaslighting manipulations.. But since discovering this fad on Facebook, I feel better and assured that it’s him who so desperately wants to make me out to appear like an aggressor and someone who can’t let go of him, when I’m really not–it is he that is the aggressor and who consistently reaches out to have some kind of contact with me, no matter what else he has going on with other sources.. I also feel better about his intelligence level.. Lol.. He thinks he’s so slick and knows exactly what he’s doing to the point where he’s making really stupid and careless mistakes…like thinking it was even possible for me to use that app with him when he cannot access my FB profile because we aren’t friends…and just as you pointed out, HG, typing “I Could Care Less”, instead of “I Couldn’t Care Less”.. Lol 😂
Does a narcissist have any kind of empathy for himself?
Only empathy for the devil.
I have to admit I like your answers, but don’t always understand them.
NarcAngel,
“So despite someones reason being lashing out in pain, there can be collateral damage to others as well who are in need of help. That is why I think people tend to address bad behaviour early on.”
We are on the same page. I was also thinking of the exact comment you referenced and I wanted to jump in and defend…but at the same time I didn’t want to give in to the attention-seeking aspect of the response to that person. He (or she) could have been a first time commenter so hopefully he keeps reading and commenting and doesn’t feel shot down.
And agreed; kudos to the men who brave the waters here…we are an empathetic crowd – but a tough crowd sometimes.
FM1T,
That’s a lovely statement and it does bother me when such types lash out at new people who may be deterred from commenting further. The ones who have been here a while are better with their own defences. So, yes the behaviour of the individuals you speak of gets old real fast…but lately I’m finding that they still, eventually, reveal themselves – or I’m getting more attentive to how such behaviours present themselves on the blog. I appreciate that specific learning as well which is a direct result of the arena that HG has created here. I just hope it’s not at the expense of sincere (new) posters who are looking for support or help.
WhoCares
That was a concern of mine also in this latest debacle. Someone (name indicated male) replied on the thread what do we think Narcissists are: All/many of those things combined. The response he was met with was: That seems like a bit of a cop out. We don’t get a lot of the male perspective here and I wondered if having received that welcome if we would be able to interact with him in future to show him that is not what to expect here. So despite someones reason being lashing out in pain, there can be collateral damage to others as well who are in need of help. That is why I think people tend to address bad behaviour early on.
NA–
I too saw that comment and thought the very same thing. A male perspective, only to get thrown down. I did not respond because I am not going to engage with that combative individual.
Bibi
I have since responded. I hope that commenter is still reading and sees it.
Narc Angel
I have met a male victim and been speaking with him, I met him online first then met him in person when I went to Philadelphia last weekend.
I am not sure if he has been here, I do know he is aware of HG Tudor thou.
NarcAngel, I saw the comment you are referring to and had the same thought you did. I wanted to say something but didn’t want to get her going. Lashing out in pain is one thing, we see this alot and most of us understand because we’ve been there. It can’t be used as an excuse though and it doesn’t give us a free pass to hurt others. Im not quick to judge anyone but that person continuously tries to create a hostile environment here even after other readers have reached out to her in kindness. I agree with you and Who Cares about new readers. Finding HG when your in the midst of confusion and pain from the narcissist is a treasure. Being able to express yourself to others that understand is a relief. Being greeted with “that was a cop out” is disrespectful to what HG has created here.
Do you have any stories with good outcomes, HG? This one gets close. I’ve been looking for 3 months. 😁
There’s got to be one IPPS that thinks and acts differently toward you now. One NISS or perhaps a DLS. Seeing you have such talent, intellect and insight, I suspect you would be attracted to Es that carry the same qualities.
When I see him for the first time I want him so much to hate me! Hate me for being the better choice…hate me for not being the one on your arm…oh please do hate me as much as I hate you.
Dearest HG: I know it! I know it! I have been away from them all at my job going on 5 weeks now. I think I will return in May. I just know you are right. It actually crossed my mind: “Once the recovery has been derailed, the contentment eradicated and the veneer of confidence stripped, then the golden period can be dangled again before the quivering victim.“ ~~HG Tudor. I can just feel it all. Forewarned is forearmed. A side of me loves the hoover. It feels like a validation. But, I know what it is now. So, I enjoy it for a brief moment, and then continue my disengagement. So far, everything is slowly going my way… I wonder if there is a reason that I have feigned sick from work, though. It has been so long, and it is not like me. I wonder if I am being a coward or something. I hope I am not somehow deceiving myself about something. But, I was so emotionally tired. But, I am sleeping well now, and have no bad days with disengaging. But, I can not stay away from ever. I am hoping they all will have re-shifted and re-organized themselves since I have been away. That I have lost “my place.“ That they think they have displaced me, and not know that I orchestrated my own demotion, by staying away. They have short attention spans. Some new and shiny targets have replaced me, I hope.
No more teeth chattering in withdrawal pain at night. I am feeling like I am on vacation, as of late. Going here and there, Shopping. I am feeling so much better. But, I am in a vacuum. I have to go back. But, there will be blood. I mean, there will be changes. I am feeling my fight coming back. I will fight for myself. The mid ranger and his monkeys, notwithstanding. I know more about them than they know about me now, HG. I have read, I have listened, I have heard, I have seen, and I have understood the battle from your panoramic tower, HG. The battle field is finally more fair for me.
Is it possible for a lesser to have all LN traits other than exploding into fits of rage. Can they be a LN and be slow(er) to anger compared to the rest of their school?
No.
Having rage attacks does not mean someone is automatically a Lesser (it depends on other factors) but if rage attacks are absent the person will not be a lesser.
Tried & True❣️
Yet another reason to GOSO–I don’t want him to catch sight of me with my act together, because he will try to find a way to break me apart gain.
What happens when a mid ranger who doesn’t know hes a narcicisst (thinks the empath iis a narcicisst) and comes across your blog? What do they think? What goes through their mind as they read your material?
They will think that the material supports that the True Victim is the narcissist and will use the material to justify their allegations of narcissism against the True Victim.
HG, I have seen this happen on the blog a few times over the years. I find it very hard at times to simply ignore them especially when the poor victim gets sucked in to believing the person, which is really a narcissist and once again has found a place to gather fuel. Some of us that stay of course stay to support you. Some stay to pay forward to newer people the help and support we received when we first arrived on here. We also stay to protect new and old alike from these narcissists! Some of us have been here a long time and we know who and what they are! Most are midrangers who actually do believe they are the victims, so trying to explain that to them becomes nil and void. The only thing left to do in these situations is to try and expose them or hope they eventually find other fuel sources off of the blog to fill there matrix which will cause them to move on! Yes narcissists are everywhere even on a place that to so many has become a sanctuary. It is sad yes, but it is the truth. Thank you to the ones that stay which put up with the disrespect and name calling that is thrown upon you! There are a lot of us on here that truly are great full for what you do! I hope you continue doing what you do best! HG thank you for allowing the time for this comment. I hope all of you find the peace inside of yourselves that you so deserve. 💞
The “True Victim”–I don’t recall ever reading this term in your work before, HG.
I did a search and found only one post where you spell the definition out: https://narcsite.com/2018/02/10/me-too-2/
I don’t have time to read it now, will read it over coffee on the weekend. However, I wanted to say that your recognition of the “True Victim” must be very validating for people who have been abused, gaslit, fed word salads, etc. It must be such a relief to know that someone other than the victim “gets it.”
If HG has written about this True Victim elsewhere, can someone please share the link(s)?
Thank you. Hope everyone has a nice weekend.
lisk
Noted.
For the past five years, my lower mid-range narc has been on and off again. The second last time he had mentioned during the devaluation/ break up phase that he resented the fact how I always lose weight and look good when I’m not with him looking good for other men, why can’t I do that while I’m with him. Well probably because I am unhappy during that time because of his constant state of that silent anger the unhealthy food too much booze, always walking on eggshells. He is not very intelligent and he knows that I am way smarter than him but right from the beginning he in his subtle way demanded to dumb my vocabulary down. Explaining things to him was like talking to a child. Why did I stay as long as I did I never know for sure. Currently, we are still living together for another month and a half I don’t want to lose too much weight yet I don’t want him to start the hoovering process which I know will happen soon, it always does. It is fortunate that his job takes him away two weeks on one week off so not too much time spent in the same house.
It won’t work this time the hoovering not anymore. I know too much now not just about narcissism but the real reason my son has broken all contact from me. I recently found out that he when my son was underage few months before he turned eighteen he blatantly offered him cocaine and told him not to worry he won’t tell me and offered again shortly after that. SOB, however, my son is very smart and resisted the allure but used the first excuse given to pack up after he turned of age and moved away. I have seen him twice in three years. My narc watched me cry so many times asking what was so bad that he won’t speak to me I have been heartbroken. My heart has turned to ice toward the narc I feel nothing but contempt. I will never forgive him. I will confront him before I leave well not confront I will mention it with a cold calm voice. He will blameshift gaslight etc. It won’t work. I will simply walk away and say “You cost me three years with my son and I will never forgive you for that”.
Perhaps I should lose a few pounds. Ha
Cheers,
AMEN❣️