The Mid Range Narcissist’s Seduction Mindset (And What Is Really Happening)
I do so enjoy being kind. I want to shower you with acts of generosity, concern and kindness when I first meet you. You are so special and only I can really see that that is the case. Other people have tried to crush the warmth and love inside you, trampling on your like some rare and delicate flower. Not me. I want to pick you and place you inside a jar, shielded from the toxicity of the world. I can nourish you, water you and let you enjoy the warmth from the light than shines from me. I can sense that you have been let down and hurt before. You do not deserve that. Someone as wonderful as you, someone as delicate and giving as you deserves far better. You can rest now though. The search is over. You have found me. I will take care of you now. Nothing will ever trouble you again. I will do so much for you and why not? I am blessed to have found you, but do you know what? We deserve one another. I have been looking for someone like you all my life, someone who I can dedicate myself to. A person I can protect, love and make happy. That is all I have ever wanted. I know I am surrounded by these trappings of success, that I am in demand from many people who want to be involved with me and share my radiance. It is flattering and humbling at the same time. I am not interested in any of that however. I just want to share my life with someone who I can cherish and worship. Now I can.
(The Mid Range Narcissist thinks he cares and has sufficient cognitive empathy to use the words and gestures to convey what appears to be a caring, protective mindset. Note the repeated returns to self (glimpses of grandiosity) as the MRN appears as some kind of white knight, a saviour, a shielding angel, but then that is waved away by supposed humility, although this is false humility. The MRN instinctively recognises that the victim has most likely suffered before (thus this target is easier to seduce) and can select the right words to appear compassionate, caring and decent. There is no reference to partnership, to equality – the MRN truly thinks he is the saviour and is a decent individual. He believes he cares (although he does not) and he sees an opportunity to continue his ‘good works’ but the victim is just a project in the grand scheme of the MRN, an object which is being brought under control through words and supposed compassion. The MRN is infatuated with the victim because he believes he has found someone he can invest in and that his needs (although he does not know what they truly are) will now be met. He has high hopes indeed for this person.
I know you have walked a hard and winding road. Those scuffed boots you wear, with holes and the sole hanging off bear testament to that. Not once have you complained of course. That is not your way. You need not take another step though because I will carry you. I will lift you up and with one firm foot planted in front of the other I will carry you away and onwards towards our joint destination. It is a wonderful place. I will whisper in your ear as I carry you and tell you all about how I have made this beautiful paradise. I have created it just for you and I. It is our sanctuary where nobody can find us and nobody can harm us. Sounds idyllic doesn’t it?
(The MRN continues his extension of gallant knight. He instinctively recognises the dedicated nature of this victim, someone who puts other before themselves and instinctively this appeals to his need to take, take, take – however he does not recognise this and believes that he is being a good, kind person by offering to take the burden away from the victim. This however is control. The victim is being denied the choice to struggle on, to make their own decisions. Though the gesture appears noble, it is actually placing the victim in chains. Further, the whispers of a promised land a sanctuary again reaffirms in the MRN’s mind that he is doing a good deed when actually he is spinning the illusion to ensnare the victim and it shows how the victim is about to be isolated from support networks and indeed their own self-reliance ‘You don’t need anybody but me, I have a sanctuary just for us.’ It sounds special but it is actually a prison.)
I want to soothe your fevered brow, I want to hold your hand when you are frightened and I want to see you smile because of me. I want to be the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you fall asleep. I want to love you, care for you, hold you and protect you. I will fetch and carry for you, I will crawl over broken glass just to hand you a cup of water to quench your thirst.
(More poetic gallantry designed to overwhelm the victim who can finally give up the last vestiges of control conned by this supposed saviour. Note the repeated use of want – this shows the MRN’s absolute slavish dedication to having his needs met, but it is obscured behind a sheen of apparent care and compassion. Once again this shows the absolute need and desire (unconsciously) for control and isolation of the victim. The narcissist wants to do everything for the victim (easy to say now, but won’t be maintained through actions beyond the golden period) which is actually about making the victim reliant on the narcissist and isolated from any potential external interferences that will eradicate the control the narcissist needs.)
I want you to feel bombarded by my innate kindness, swamped by my good nature and overwhelmed by my fair intentions. I want to deliver to you every minute of every day my warmth and kindness so that it becomes all you know.
(Further apparent beautiful intentions but this is actually demonstrating how the narcissist wishes to absorb, conquer and overwhelm the victim. The victim becomes paralysed by apparent kindness only to surrender any notion of free will. From this point onwards there would be nothing more said by the MRN in this seductive speech which represents his or her overall mindset. The words that follow are what the narcissist is unconsciously thinking and if said out loud would likely generate concern as they are red flags, of course, emotional thinking would likely be so high the red flags would be ignored.)
I want you to become dependent on my charity, my largesse and my generosity.
(Your dependence makes you easier to control. I own you. You are an object. This is what the MRN unconsciously thinks.)
I want you to become hopelessly addicted to my love, my desire and my presence.
(Your addiction imprisons you.)
I want to see myself in your eyes and nothing else.
(Control and grandiosity through omnipotence)
I want to hear my words spoken by your tongue. I want you to mimic everything that I do so that when I point, you point and when I nod, you nod.
(You are my puppet now.)
I want my campaign of kindness to obliterate every semblance of what you once were. I want to destroy what once existed and replace it with my design and my desires.
(You are mine now. The old you is gone.)
I want to murder who you were and resurrect my creation in your place. I want to kill you with kindness.
31 thoughts on “The Mid Range Narcissist’s Seduction Mindset (And What Is Really Happening)”
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I would like to know from you how an MRN would react to any hint perceived that he has been conned by one of his kind in the process
It would either wound or be Challenge Fuel. I need much more information however to provide you with an accurate response and recommend and email consultation.
How would the Midranger react if the seduction partly or fully fails? I am guessing this could lead to the MRN becoming totally obsessed with the one that got away!
If the MR finds the seduction is struggling, they will apply further effort for a time before breaking off and seeking another target.
If the seduction somehow fails, they will break off and seek another target.
This evening, I had to stop by my midranger ex’s house (my sons father). I have a rule, that I will not go into his home, and he is not allowed in my home. However, I made an exception this evening, because he owes me money and said he had a check for me. He decides to short change me, not because he is broke, but because he doesn’t think I deserve what he owes me, even though it’s for the kids. He told me if I had a problem, i should sue him, because he would win. I told him, if i sued him, he would not like the hassle of having his financial records and account supeanoed. His new girlfriend comes out of his bedroom, introduces herself. She offered me a gift to lighten the mood. I look down, and saw it was the same gift the midranger gave me when I was in the Golden Period. He gave her multiples, and so she wanted to offer a peace offering. I was find, and thanked her, but told her that I already went through the same phase she is in, and already received those gifts. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but when the devalue phase hits her, I hope I planted the seed that this is his doing/game. The narcissist did do a chuckle, because he does give everyone the same gifts. It’s so interesting being on the outside looking in.
Wow. I gotta say, this one here is a real humdinger. Bookmarked for sure
HG sadly I know this to be 100% spot on. I could literally hear my ex fiance’s voice saying these words. Well done!
Thank you.
Dearest HG. I love those explanations and that writing style. I like things spelled out exactly like this, at times. Those italics reach my emotional thinking quickly for some reason.
Hahhah this made me laugh so much. It’s so true!
The WhatsApp status of one that I know is, ‘never regret being kind’.
Does the MRN have a natural instinctive vibe toward certain schools or cadres in order to avoid them? I’m attracted to these dark horses but mostly we don’t get past hello.
If and when I do engage, usually female, I would learn soon enough that it was to be a one way friendship only. That was never acceptable to me so I would inevitably drop a few truth bombs and that consequently ended things.
See Sitting Target.
Thanks HG. I have read that article. 🙏 I am thinking in terms of avoidance however. I guess it’s just the flip side. Perhaps their fuel matrix is full, I don’t possess enough of the qualities they are wanting, or maybe they see something in me that puts them off.
It is a book Narc Noob.
Oh! Ok, my apologies. I’ll take a look.
Simply your words, a projection of our desires and longings.
In relation to your last words:
(You are mine now. The old you is gone.)
I want to murder who you were and resurrect my creation in your place. I want to kill you with kindness.
Simply a magical thought … (an idea, a desire, an illusion) …
In this particular case, wanting is not being able to…
Why is that? I don’t know.
Because when the empath becomes aware of what the narcissist really is and his pathology. And surprisingly he discovers his own pathology (codependence) and works on it.
The Empathic is reborn again from his ashes like a phoenix. Surprisingly for the narcissist, this new improved version filed and perfected.
The narcissist dwarfed and wounded to see this new rebirth of his soul. He will run in terror as he cannot bear to contemplate his own reality, his own dark and empty soul. Envy, even if it doesn’t show him, will haunt him. For he knows that he will no longer be able to control or dominate it.
It will be contemplated one last time in you, again and when you contemplate yourself you will discover that you were stripped of your facade letting you see the crude reality. His disadvantages, His anomalies, His deficiencies, His deficiencies, His mediocrity, In short, a defective and obsolete being, a defective little child with mental and emotional handicap.
It is here that the narcissist regrets not having killed us when he had the opportunity. For your envy at seeing us happy again consumes and corrodes you, for they covet, crave, desire, yearn, aspire, pretend to be and have what you are. And never, never no matter how hard they try, can they be, at the very least, happy.
Mysteriously for the empathic, the understanding of the whole narcissistic subject and your own codependent pathology quickly heals the lacerating wounds inflicted during captivity and post-captivity.
“Only work and knowledge will set you free.”
“Arbeit macht frei”
Get out on your own from your “narcissistic personal concentration camp” …
J.G. It was not the “deficiency“ of the MRN that made me so desperate to find a way to disengage from him, because I did not even know what a narcissist was at that time, but it was the crashing of my fantasy that he would or could “save me.“ I fell out of love or I lost the energy to devote myself to the love of my fantasy of him in the face of this encroaching reality, that marched up to my face and stared me down, and then pinned me down with no place for me to escape: I had to face the fact that he existed outside of the realm of my mental and emotional dream world and desires. That was so painful for me, because I had enjoyed the fantasy of him so very much and for almost 3 years. I am/was a NIPSS, so the fantasy was mostly in my mind of course, and not physical. So I had to tap out and lose my fantasy of him that was in my mind, that I had been energizing/fueling myself with for so long. I was forced to disengage to survive going forward. But, the removal almost killed me, vision wise and purpose wise and motivationally. I had to set him free in my mind. Bult, the resultant gulf is/was horrid. I am better now. The mind is a terrible battlefield. It is so vast.
I’m going to be hunted down and stoned for this, (in a non-high sense) but isn’t ‘our’ truth of wanting love and a happy ending a kind of manipulation too, (minus the game playing and intentional abuse) because that’s what ‘we’ want, after being dedicated followers of the a-typical hype of so-called normalcy.
It’s all ET, I know. And an attempt to self-soothe what we don’t want to face. The battle. But..but… but…
Sarah Jane,
My opinion is that it is. Especially for the empath that is aware that they are dealing with a narcissist. Trying to change someone that can not change so that you can be happy, in my opinion, is a form of manipulation. I can’t tell you how many times I went back trying to manipulate the ending so that I could have my closure.
Yes – it all makes very much sense, Mercy. We wanted them to change for our own peace of mind/closure. There are no rules any where that say you cannot do this or that just because it makes YOU (any individual) happy. You can do what you like (people will) and then it is up to the other person whether or not they decide to make do with that situation. Obviously violence changes things.
Brilliant, HG… The full speech are the very words of my ex 😱… Although, the red flags were as sinester as “I want you close to me because you are part of me, as simple as that”, “I’ll do with you as I please”, “Only Don’t try to change me, otherwise you’ll know the sadist side”. All these dressed with grandiosity as “there are very few of us that know how to treat a woman”…
……
This is the same piece of writing everybody else is reading, yes? There can’t be thousands of different versions when we all individually click. That would be a trick.
Yet it always appears to be written for your eyes only. I know this is true for all of you, because my version was written for me.
I read a part wrong and Mr Tudor’s voice corrected me. :O
Very good.
Yes ! He sees other women in his office and feels he needs to rescue them from hardships that are put upon them by another sales person . He gets infatuated in helping someone who is being told to do more than the others in the office . He doesn’t know how much this person gets paid , he doesn’t care that the person likes their job and this person isn’t complaining at all . The Narc sees an opportunity to gossip with her and tell her it’s not fair that she has to do so much for this other salesman. It doesn’t even matter that this woman has been there 5 -10 years longer than the him (the narc )he just wants to tell me that he wants to make things right for her and how unfair it is for her ……
I just said …is she complaining to you ? Does everyone in this office feel she is doing too much ? Then he just yells that he will never tell me anything about work again .
I eventually meet this person and she’s cute and giggly …and I have a conversation and I know exactly what the stupid narc is doing ,….now . Thanks to HG.
HG- so spot on, have emails that are almost word for word! Scary.
I’m glad I see the narcissist “matrix” I lived in for practically whole life. I think it’s interesting to view reader comments and you have two main experiences 1. Spent 10-20+ years in a relationship or marriage with a narcissist before They could escape. Maybe due to children and financial dependence. Or not recognizing until the end That spouse will not change. Or Maybe figured out the spouse is a narcissist and had awareness before they left.
2. Dated a crazy narcissist for 3-9 MONTHS and had no choice to go no contact/goso/disappear. Both happened to me in sequence. The second scenario made me start researching personality disorders because of the overt verbal, emotional and burgeoning physical abuse I suffered. My ex husband was mostly “benign” and reserved most of his passive aggressive abuse for me. No one in our circle would believe how he acted behind closed doors. Even now. The second scenario, that Narc maintains a facade with work colleagues and family to some extent. But otherwise very abusive to anyone who manages to be ensnared or crosses his path. But very calculating in how he operates.
The irony is, once they make you into who they want you to be and the old you is long boken and gone; it is at that point they point an accusitory finger and rage ” you are no longer the person you used to be. I hate the person you are now, you disgust me.You are pathetic!”
When all is said and done, he is still just a liar to the bitter end.
This is spot on…brilliant.
Thank you.
Pure genius… and all true! Every… last….word. x