How To Handle The Narcissist At Work
50 thoughts on “How To Handle The Narcissist At Work”
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HG, I used to be in a workplace full of not very nice people (pre N knowledge), I now realise that the vast majority of these people were largely Mids. A complete contrast to where I work now where there are Ns but they are outnumbered by normals and Es.
Anyone who wasn’t an N at this place moved on to bigger and better things. I stuck it out for a while, fresh out of Uni and believed this was how all workplaces would be. I was so wrong thankfully.
It amazes me though that whilst not as successful as they might have been had there been if there was a more generous nature among the employees (I say this knowing there is a need for Ns, but not too many), it was still successful to a degree. An unpleasant environment for any empath I’m sure but the mids still seemed to manage to get along with each other. It was a highly toxic environment.
I didn’t see what went on behind the scenes so to speak but presumably they all worked out how to use each other to their own advantage? I’m guessing a fair bit here. But would that be fairly accurate when there is an environment of any nature full of mids of differing types? they can ‘get along’ (use each other) etc and make it functional?
They can, why, because they operate facades. Furthermore, many of their manipulations will be subtle or ascribed to other things and thus less noticeable even though they achieve the same outcome. For example which of these is more likely to result in disciplinary action
1. A Middle Lesser punching his manager to assert control ,
2. A Middle Mid Ranger sitting sulking in a meeting to assert control.
Thus the Mid Rangers through higher cognitive function, facade management and alternative (more evolved) methods of seeking control can “rub along” more effectively. Plus, they, in broad brush terms, are more likely to strive for success.
Wow! Absolutely blown away by your incredibly helpful reply HG. I’ve seen many similar environments to the work situation I described and always wondered how these people could seemingly get along so well.
HG, always making sense of the senseless! Thank you
I know, I am brilliant and you are welcome.
You always bring forth good discussion Alexis!
Aww thanks Loreili, that’s really lovely of you to say. You too! all of the good readers here do 🙂
Yes I think it is wise for HG to stay anonymous
There are many lunatics out there and I would not feel HG would be safe .
He would end up being stalked and harassed by these people, you only have to see the posts here by some of the crazies , remember Pamela anyone.
Of course we would all love you regardless HG but best to stay anonymous.
Kiki❤️
I can look after myself, but I appreciate the sentiment.
HG, this maybe tricky to write about but I’d be interested to read about the differences between the hardworking Ns and those who are not. I’m not talking about the all too obvious layabouts when I refer to those who are not hardworking. Rather I mean those who fill offices everywhere. always taking time off sick, when at work they do little more than push a few papers around, tell everyone how busy they are and get everyone else doing their work for them yet some can be pretty successful too. I’d very much like to understand the difference between those and the hard working Ns such as yourself. When you do get the time that is.
It is a good subject and one I shall write about AS2016.
Thank you. I shall look forward to it
I recently drew attention to unethical behavior in my workplace. I brought it to the attention of my new boss, who promised to handle the situation. In my absence, he met with the guilty party, took their side, and began to accuse me of wrongdoing. In the past I may have fallen for this, but I immediately recognized it as the workplace variety of narcissistic abuse. I now know that my new boss is someone I can’t trust.
In the past, my empathic self would have presumed positive intentions and gone into endless self-doubt. It is so beyond me to comprehend that there are people who put self before ethics to this degree, but I am now enlightened. My worldview is radically different from theirs, and I am really only capable of an intellectual understanding of this because I simply cannot relate.
At the moment I am dealing with said narcissist by sending out my resume. Shame, because I’ve been with the same company for more than a decade.
Michelle
I’m sorry that happened to you and you feel you’ve been pushed to that point after being there so long. I absolutely understand it and encourage it on the one hand, but on the other, narcissists in the workplace are common and you may experience this yet again elsewhere. Have you considered having The Narcissist In The Workplace consultation with HG for advice on either how to avoid having to do this, or how to handle it if it arises elsewhere? All the best in whatever you ultimately decide.
I’ve dealt with this so much. It’s rampant. I actually had an awesome HR rep in a former life that was like a mini HG without the vocabulary for what she could see and do. She had an instinct for bullshit and cruelty. Generally HR is not up to par though and people suffer tremendously. I have a dear friend who was mentally tortured for a year at work by a woman and her comrade and she still has issues today. I feel quite fortunate where I work now—yes there are narcs/cliques abound but overall it is healthy.
Hmmm I’m currently involved in a ‘bitch off’ with a female colleague.
I regret my response to her initial interaction with me as I knew what she was but I can’t back down now and fear my n traits are coming to the fore.
Don’t make my mistake! Definitely seek advice from the master!
HG, you would be sensational at working with large Corporates to advise them how to manage the behaviour of narcissists and psychopaths.
It would no doubt involve a need for you to reveal your identity which is problematic, however to be privy to the application of your thinking applied to the complexity of an organisational dynamic would be fascinating.
I guarantee you would have some organisations approach you to identify how they attract corporate psychopaths. So many angles of exploration here.
I agree. There are ways around this and I may look at offering my services in this regard.
Then again, maybe I already do something similar…..
But aren’t narcissists from the higher echelons/psychopaths at the top of these organisations already?
I remember you saying in one of your Q&As on YT, that your job has to do with finance, manufacturing, enforcement (if I am not mistaken).
Many, not all. Doesn’t mean they know what they are. Does not mean they do not want to keep out our kind who are the competition/problematic.
Nothing to do with manufacturing.
True. And true. And OK!
I know a lot of the suggestions likely rest with no contact, no this and that/no feeding the beast etc. BUT–we will always work with narcissists and leaving jobs and going no contact is not a viable solution. Yes, I get that telling someone you will suck the CEO’s dick (and swallow) to make them squirm by means of gaining administrative favors is probably providing challenge fuel but there has to be some value in being direct though at times. Are we giving too much power by always pussy footing around these assholes? I am asking in all seriousness. I would love to see the package of course but this is essentially the main question I have.
Emp: Plus, HG can do the same work for Companies and Corporations without using the Words: Narcissism or Narcissist or Narcissistic. Sometimes those words are too distracting and too loaded. He can consult on Morale, etc. Group Dynamics, Mergers and Acquisitions and the problems with employee assimilation, etc. He knows all this even with the Narcissist in the workplace packages that he has already put together. HG just has to take away the word Narcissist. He does not have to disguise himself to do this. Of course, I want to be one of his assistants in this work. He could put together anonymous questionnaires for the company and its employees in a focus group confidential manner, with lunch and coffee for the employees while they fill out the anonymous questionnaires, and HG can then assess for himself the ratio of empaths and narcissists in a company without using those words empaths and narcissists, and then HG can create a plan for that company to move forward with those people that the company has, because he will see where the problems are. And the word Narcissist never has to be mentioned. And HG can do this all with his public persona.
Correct. Sometimes it is more effective to explain these dynamics to certain consumers without using the word “narcissism”.
HG
You are indeed a motivational speaker/writer. Which reminds me to ask – have you studied Tony Robbins enough to make an assessment? Do you think to do so or to share it would be useful to here?
I have not NA and I do not know who that person is.
Dear NarcAngel,
I’ve had Tony Robbins appear on my news feed posts….he’s comes across to me as way toooo over the top and he’s very full on or full of it …..I find him too sweet n sickly or was it false n fake 🤣
My female instincts say …yeah naaaaah
Jay Shetty (prior monk ) is another motivational speaker (21 mil followers) …. have you heard of him ?
He’s really good and has just been on the Ellen show, I’m undecided and the juries still out, but then again, Im very suspicious and think that about everyone now 🤣
(With the exception of Mr Tudor, of course ) 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi Bubbles
Tony Robbins is American but I thought he had made enough waves that he would have ended up on HG’s radar (although HG’d radar is focused on so many things I understand why it has not). He has a huge following with his motivational seminars and books and has worked with many high profile people such as Oprah, Bill Clinton etc. He has been on the Power 100 list more than once and has a reported estmated net worth of between 430 and 500 million. That’s some reach. He has some controversial techniques but I can see how people are attracted to him and his style as it’s a winning one for him.
I don’t know of Jay Shetty but will look him up. Thank you for mentioning him.
On another note: Thank you for your kind and humorous contributions here. They really are a bright spot.
NA
Dear NarcAngel,
Thank you gorgeous lady
I had another quick bo peep 5 second gander at Tony R and noticed he’s had some legal battles
I still don’t like him, rich or famous, he made me feel uneasy watching him, his style is just tooo evangelistic for me and I don’t like his voice
He’s sure got em hooked and raking in the big bucks
He created a market for himself and it’s working …. it’s gift of the gab
I went off Oprah ages ago and Billy C ….whell … what can I say … ties sales increased 🤣
I don’t usually follow the sheep cos I’m too busy attracting and fighting off weasel’s 🤣
Thank you NarcAngel your generous comment means a lot
Consider yourself severely bear hugged 🤗
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles, “I don’t usually follow the sheep cos I’m too busy attracting and fighting off weasel’s ”
Hahaha 🙂
Dearest HG: ~~~~Lots of leaders in companies, foundations, corporations, etc. enjoy the mayhem and rivalries and triangulations and back stabbings and spyings and underminings and allegations and throat coatings and betrayals, and vacillating allegiances and on and on, and even encourage it when they can do so without direct repercussions. to themselves Especially in such organizations that receive a lot of their revenues from “quantitative easings“ to all types of “free“ loans and easy leveraging, that greatly boost their ability to be a profitable concern. ~~~~However, I have noticed that certain private types of companies. large and small, do not like this sort of thing, because their bottom line is largely dependant on everyone getting along and being on the same page and unified, and directly sinks when there is disorder and negativity and a lack of esprit de corp within the organization. This is what I have experienced. It all depends upon the organization at hand, if they want a change in their culture, even if the culture is negative: Some like it like that.
I would love to do this but will have to hold off for now. I appreciate the link!
Such an important and valuable resource because it is the case that GOSO can not be so easily applied in the workplace and so many struggle with it. An understanding and a plan is what is needed and is now available. Thanks HG!
Pleasure.
I highly recommend this consultation.
It is not only about what (not) to do and how. Choosing the right time to act plays a role too. There are details which must be considered when dealing with narcissists. It is important to be aware of them before making further mistakes and before it is too late.
Thank you EB.
You are welcome. It is very helpful, also for other types of not romantic, not chosen relationships.
EB
I thought of you when this was rolled out and I’m glad you have benefited from it.
Thank you, NA. I did. I still cannot lead a normal life like everybody else but I do not want to give up. This is what they want. I am working to overcome traumatic episodes.
I have purchased the Assistance Package and agree 100% with E.B. I personally found the first part (which helps you identify the various types of narcissists in the workplace) particularly useful.
Thank you EmP.
You’re welcome HG!
Dearest HG: I have been trying to see the benefits of you revealing your identity and try as I might, I can not see the benefits to you, especially over time. So many people would know so much about you, than you about them, friend and foe and strangers, and in so psychologically intimate a way, and on a topic that is and will be even more so controversial and polarizing and hysteria making, as time goes on, And there are a lot of kooks out there. I believe that it would be a grave disadvantage for you, especially over time. After the initial excitement has worn off. I wonder what is the history of people coming out from their pen names, in such controversial cases, and I wonder has it gone well for them??? If I were asked, I would say to you: Do Not Do It! Unless it is to come out to me, of course. My lips would be sealed. I hope your research goes very well in making this decision, either way. You have my support, either way, of course.
Thank you.
What is the Assistance Package?
It’s a group of audio files containing extensive information and advice on how to handle the narcissist at work (see article above). It’s a virtual package.
The article didn’t open up for me and I only saw the comments. I had to refresh the page to see it all.
My question above is of course obsolete. The assistance package would be useful in large corporations. I could see HG making a presentation about the subject in front of corporate officers. Would you do it HG if invited to speak to an audience like that?
Yes. Appropriate measures could be put in place viz a viz my identity and over time this may not be an issue.
HG I liked the part in this comment where you write, “ over time this may not be an issue.” That would be wonderful for you!
Appropriate measures as in using a hologram obscuring your face? Can you expand on what those measures would be please?