A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 1
I invited readers to pen the letter that they would like to send to the narcissist that they entangled with. Here is the letter which ‘Cordelia’ would like to send. Does it mirror your sentiments and experience at all? How do you think the narcissist would react to receiving this?
If you would like to write a letter to the narcissist you were ensnared by, send it to me at narcissist1909@gmail.com and I shall consider it for publication here.
“There’s really nothing I need to tell you. But there are a few questions that it would be fun to have the answers to. Please tell me: how does it feel to have been out-maneuvered?
I was one of two shelf IPSSes you kept at work. After I realized what you were, I shared that knowledge with the other. I heard she had fallen from grace and you were already trying to destroy her reputation by lying and saying that she was stealing equipment. I warned her. Needless to say, she’s not talking to you anymore. You’ll never know for sure whether or not her informant was me. You didn’t know it was me who told her, did you?
Me, me, me. You seduced me. We had a little romance and you promised sex eventually but that last part never happened. My husband isn’t bothered that we had a brief fling because he had given me permission to have one. He and I opened up our relationship two years ago–don’t you remember mining me for that little detail? You started adding a romantic side to our seven year-long friendship as soon as you dragged that tidbit out of me. You later lied to me about having your wife’s consent. You also hid her pregnancy from me, and that was when I left. But this is where you think, again, that you still have power. Again you are wrong.
I have no need to tell your wife about what happened because I know her reaction will just give you the fuel you need. I know you got her pregnant as a way of binding her to you permanently. She financially can’t afford to leave and won’t want to raise another son in a single-parent household. It’s why you chose her, yes? Telling her about us will just drive her closer to you. I think you were counting on that. I won’t tell her.
It wouldn’t surprise me if you tell her, though (and blame it all on me). After all, you want a catfight. I know, honey, I know. It’s amazing how I know it all, isn’t it? How does it feel to know that I’m not falling for it? You’ll only get to have one woman screaming at you, though I know you wish it were two. But take heart. You know just how much you can abuse her emotionally and still keep her around. You almost figured it out with me. But knowledge does not equal intelligence. The fact that I escaped, and the way I escaped, proves to me that you are not as smart as I am.
Therein lies the denouement. During that tepid, one-sided relationship, you were stupid enough to try to physically force me to kiss you at the office. I refused because I don’t mix work and pleasure and I wasn’t that into you at the time. You have terrible bad breath and your desire to extract my tonsils using your tongue is rather inefficient and unromantic. After I ended it and found out what you were, I knew you would be back for more.
I let the company know about that coercive stunt you pulled. You attempted to force me to do something that I didn’t want to do and you did it on company time (I was off the clock; you weren’t!) That’s sexual intimidation, regardless of how involved we were. You thought it was funny at the time. I think it’s hilarious that HR and I have harassment paperwork ready for you if you so much as look at me again. Who’s laughing now? I would love to know: What was the expression on your face when you got the email from me informing you that you were never to so much as say hello to me at work again or you’d be faced with a harassment suit? You replied back, begging me to meet you to sort all of it out. Did your blood boil to read the word ‘no.’?
At the moment I have the last word but I know it won’t be the last word from you. It is the last one you’ll ever get from me. All I need to do to wound you is simply to do nothing. My dear, you were in the military. How is it that I became the master of strategy and you are the one who is “outflanked and outgunned”? Do tell. How does that make you feel?”
Cordelia
31 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 1”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Yes I agree , but this letter is not given to the narc so it’s purpose is to vent emotionally in a safe place .As empaths we need to do this .
,We can post our fuel laden emotionally driven letters here instead of sending to the narc .
Ask long as the narc doesn’t see it its all good
I think any letter to a narc no matter how cold and unemotional is fuel , as it screams I’m thinking of you in this moment.
Best thing vent here but never ever let the narc see it .
Kiki
True. Any of the letters if sent would be breaking no contact and the understanding is that they would not be. It is an exercise, and as you say – venting it here is safe. It also offers a view of the many different scenarios in play between narcissists and victims.
This letter does not mirror my sentiments or experience at all.
Anyone with “terrible breath” would never be able to seduce me.
As for how the narc would perceive this letter? “I still have an influence on her.” Challenge Fuel
Cordelia, a wonderful mixture of:
-logic/emotional smarts/courage (her actions were effective & efficient)
-high intelligence, with kickass intuition (2-3 steps ahead of the narcissist)
-high self-esteem (this is not someone easily changed or cowered by a narcissist)
It seems that the narcissist would (should) be more afraid of her than the other way around. She’s a force. She’d also never send such a letter to the narcissist; she’d have the wisdom to know she’s done it all correctly and wouldn’t give him the attention.
She stated she knows doing nothing is what she’ll do — and she appears to have that inner strength.
In the spirit of sharing N wrote a song and sent it to me when he located me at work about 18 months ago. In reality, I did not provide a response as I am No Contact however this is perhaps my golden opportunity to have a bit of fun….
His chorus:
“Sarah can I see you one day before I die,
I have so much to say but I am running out of time,
Sarah can I see you one time in this life?
Sarah can I see you tonight?”
My response:
I would rather die first than see you one day before it,
You have so much to say but I am tired and bored of it,
If I had one time to give I would rather see James Corden,
So maybe you can yank the shank or go and see a whore then?
Ha!
Sarah
Haha. Good for you in staying no contact and getting it out here.
I like the idea of this – especially if the Empath has escaped or been NC for so long that, after reflection and knowledge from this blog, they could send it to Mr Tudor as a kind of closure and/or to vent to someone who understands everything but cannot be offended by it. Whether or not it gets published here, it’s a release. It’s flew off ‘out there’ after the click of a button.
You can do this any way, on your own, and then burn it or something – but if Mr Tudor gets something out of it, why not?
It’s a great idea to write such a letter. But maybe I should not decide to write because I am not fluent in English so people could have problem with understanding me.
I’ve always wondered why I’m being picked up by bad men. I’ve thought that the reason is I’m not good enough.
Now I know that the problem is that I’m empathic, calm, introvert, polite, friendly, loyal, moral, trustworthy, decent, modest, emotional, shy, fearful, silent and cowardly person. I am the ideal target aren’t I?
Good, polite and introvert man prefer to be in a relationship with someone who is more bubbly and vivacious person than he. So he would choose more narcissistic person or extrovert. He wouldn’t choose me (introvert) because he would have a boring life with me. That is the reason why I will always attract narcissists or I’ll be single forever.
Mr Tudor do you agree what I’ve just written?
Kasia the letter is real just meant for you to say things to the narc that maybe you have held onto and never expressed. As long as you know what it says. I gave no problem following your story
You attract narcissist for the reasons set out in the book Sitting Target.
Ha! Watch out for the “good, polite, introvert” man who could very well mirror you and be his covert narcissist self at the same time.
Spectacular! I love the last paragraph. Thank you Cordelia!
My apologies Kasia, the comment I wrote was for the author.
For the record writing a letter and sending it to HG is stunningly therapeutic. I wouldn’t worry about a language barrier because the letter isn’t about the readers. Its about you and giving yourself a voice.
Good and kind people are often targets for many types including narcissists. Stay true to who you are and learn to discern the bad apples.
Gggwwwaannnn Cordelia! You are a boss, yes girl!
F IT UP!!!
Hello, H.G.Tudor.
I have nothing to say to my narcissist, I will not fall back into emotional thought. I stopped practicing necromancy some time ago.
I buried these emotional thoughts under three meters of earth. Place a Cross and R.I.P. “requiescat in pace”.
You can consider me now, as the merry widow. Hahahahah.
Good for you JG the One Merry Widow.
I was so “not in love” with him for so long I am kinda like whatever douchebag. That’s my letter.
Claire
Succinct but you can do better than that. Entertain us lol.
That’s all I got! “Douche bag” is entirely fitting. I do wonder though.. (seriously—I truly wondered and almost googled it)
What are you supposed to do with a nipple ring anyway? Twist it? Pull on it? And if so when during “the act” do these things occur from an etiquette perspective? Does one flip their hair in a coy maneuver while admiring it? I really don’t know. It is purely for aesthetic quality?
Ouch, Claire!
Maybe it gives him reactions from people around him, like your children and you. He cannot see your reaction to the ring but can certainly imagine it, which is thought fuel.
And the ring has you already wondering about his sexual life.
I don’t know, but seems like a fuel extraction technique to me. Lol.
Haha Lou! Funny thing about his sex life is that I’m certain the PE remains. There isn’t a lot of imagination to be had for 20 seconds.. He most certainly does it to be provocative, although I love HG’s assertion they act instinctively because he can’t even know why he is shirtless. He just blindly trudges through life with mammary jewels!
Lol, Claire. You’re funny.
Maybe he wants to pull the ring every 20 seconds to last a little longer.
(Oh yes, ouch,, oh yes, ouch)
Hindsight is incredible isn’t it?!
Later Boner.
I enjoyed this letter but don’t recommend sending it to the narc. If out of control makes you send it, then send the last end of the venting.
“My dear, you were in the military. How is it that I became the master of strategy and you are the one who is “outflanked and outgunned”?
This statement is priceless.
I thought you said you were going to post your responses to these letters.
I did state as such. Armageddon has not yet been given a due date, therefore I remain in time for doing so.
HG
I have always been curious to what you have to say to my letter….
Interesting as to your use of Armageddon, made me think of the second letter no one but you have read.
I’m not sure why, but, somehow, I don’t like this letter.
I feel the writer is way too cocky, assuming all sorts of (convenient, for her) reactions from the narc.
I feel that there’s just too much out of her control in all this. Like she’s just learned a bit about narcissism and thinks she’s already figured everything out.
Too much pride maybe?
I don’t know… maybe it’s just a wrong impression on my side…
I think that the narcissist would gain fuel from this. The letter writer has gone to great lengths to give opinion to/about the narc. Some of it is quite funny – however it’s all about the narc and contains emotional response and details of the effect that the narcissist has had on this person. Whether positive or negative fuel, there’s probably alot of it in there. Maybe the writer still doesn’t fully understand how narcs work, or they would just have said nothing…