I invited readers to pen the letter that they would like to send to the narcissist that they entangled with. Here is the letter which ‘Cordelia’ would like to send. Does it mirror your sentiments and experience at all? How do you think the narcissist would react to receiving this?
If you would like to write a letter to the narcissist you were ensnared by, send it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I shall consider it for publication here.
“There’s really nothing I need to tell you. But there are a few questions that it would be fun to have the answers to. Please tell me: how does it feel to have been out-maneuvered?
I was one of two shelf IPSSes you kept at work. After I realized what you were, I shared that knowledge with the other. I heard she had fallen from grace and you were already trying to destroy her reputation by lying and saying that she was stealing equipment. I warned her. Needless to say, she’s not talking to you anymore. You’ll never know for sure whether or not her informant was me. You didn’t know it was me who told her, did you?
Me, me, me. You seduced me. We had a little romance and you promised sex eventually but that last part never happened. My husband isn’t bothered that we had a brief fling because he had given me permission to have one. He and I opened up our relationship two years ago–don’t you remember mining me for that little detail? You started adding a romantic side to our seven year-long friendship as soon as you dragged that tidbit out of me. You later lied to me about having your wife’s consent. You also hid her pregnancy from me, and that was when I left. But this is where you think, again, that you still have power. Again you are wrong.
I have no need to tell your wife about what happened because I know her reaction will just give you the fuel you need. I know you got her pregnant as a way of binding her to you permanently. She financially can’t afford to leave and won’t want to raise another son in a single-parent household. It’s why you chose her, yes? Telling her about us will just drive her closer to you. I think you were counting on that. I won’t tell her.
It wouldn’t surprise me if you tell her, though (and blame it all on me). After all, you want a catfight. I know, honey, I know. It’s amazing how I know it all, isn’t it? How does it feel to know that I’m not falling for it? You’ll only get to have one woman screaming at you, though I know you wish it were two. But take heart. You know just how much you can abuse her emotionally and still keep her around. You almost figured it out with me. But knowledge does not equal intelligence. The fact that I escaped, and the way I escaped, proves to me that you are not as smart as I am.
Therein lies the denouement. During that tepid, one-sided relationship, you were stupid enough to try to physically force me to kiss you at the office. I refused because I don’t mix work and pleasure and I wasn’t that into you at the time. You have terrible bad breath and your desire to extract my tonsils using your tongue is rather inefficient and unromantic. After I ended it and found out what you were, I knew you would be back for more.
I let the company know about that coercive stunt you pulled. You attempted to force me to do something that I didn’t want to do and you did it on company time (I was off the clock; you weren’t!) That’s sexual intimidation, regardless of how involved we were. You thought it was funny at the time. I think it’s hilarious that HR and I have harassment paperwork ready for you if you so much as look at me again. Who’s laughing now? I would love to know: What was the expression on your face when you got the email from me informing you that you were never to so much as say hello to me at work again or you’d be faced with a harassment suit? You replied back, begging me to meet you to sort all of it out. Did your blood boil to read the word ‘no.’?
At the moment I have the last word but I know it won’t be the last word from you. It is the last one you’ll ever get from me. All I need to do to wound you is simply to do nothing. My dear, you were in the military. How is it that I became the master of strategy and you are the one who is “outflanked and outgunned”? Do tell. How does that make you feel?”