Offload

offload

 

There comes a time when this must happen to everybody who has been ensnared by us. There is no hope for anything different. In the way that the world keeps on turning and the planets waltz around the sun, we will always cast you to one side. Of the many cruelties which we exact against you, this ranks as one of the worst. You might think that it is a blessing that the daily machinations and manipulations have ended but you will not see it that way when you are discarded. Indeed, you may not ever realise it.

You are given no warning that you are about to be dis-engaged from, although if you know to look for them, there are actually signs that point to what is about to happen. Invariably you are unable to see them because you cannot see or think clearly for the maelstrom that continues to rage around you. There are times when the dis-engagement takes place that it is almost as if we have vanished into thin air. Yesterday we met you for lunch as normal and today you have no idea where we are. You have telephoned but our number is no longer in service. You call our work but you are told that we are unavailable as our assigned gatekeeper keeps you at bay. You wait around trying to catch a glimpse of us in order to speak with us and find out what is going on. You see hide nor hair of us and rather than be angry you are worried and concerned both for us and our relationship, or at least what was once our relationship. This form of the dis-engagement is swift and brutal. Here yesterday and gone today. We put in place a ring of steel which we will not allow you to penetrate. When this form of dis-engagement has been effected you are actually receiving a double whammy of dis-engagement and an absent silent treatment. This is designed to reinforce like a hammer blow that you are no longer of any use to us. We do not want to see you, we do not want to hear from you and we do not want to read your e-mails, messages and texts. At least not yet. This form of dis-engagement arises because we have already replaced you. We have found a new primary source of fuel and he or she is a thousand times better than you. We have brought down the shutters, raised the drawbridge and built our castle walls thick and high as we now sit in the throne room with our new, wonderful and perfect primary source by our side. You have been struck from the record, deleted and erased. We do not want you distracting us from this most precious person that we have found.

The truth is that the memory of us being linked to you irritates and infuriates us. We thought that you were the one who would supply us with positive fuel always. Despite the other failures that had gone before you, you showed such promise and we gave you everything in order to seduce you. Now you are placed on the appliance pile and broken, of no current use to us. You let us down and we bristle at the thought that we even considered you might be of use to us. Your failure and the fact we chose you means that we feel criticised and the ignition of our fury results in a cold fury that creates this icy hinterland that we place between you and us. We want nothing more to do with you. Until we decide of course it is time to hoover you. This sudden and unexplained cessation of the relationship is only temporary. We will look to reinstate it at some point in order to extract hoover fuel from you, but you do not know this. All you know is that we were once there and no we are no longer and it hurts. Your soul has been wrenched from within you. It does not matter how badly we hurt you, you still wanted that golden period and our sudden departure has denied that from ever happening again, or at least that is what you are led to believe. Your pain is absolute, combined with the confusion and bewilderment.

Another way in which we cast you to one side is akin to being repeatedly dunked in a barrel of icy water. Each time your dunking lasts a little longer and you fear you cannot hold your breath any longer and this time this is it, you are on your way out, only for us to haul you out and that sweet and precious air fills your lungs, if only for an instance before you are thrust back into the water. During that interlude, as the water cleared from your eyes and you gulped great lungfuls of air you saw someone else stood by our side, watching you with a look of curiosity on their face. This is your replacement but we have not yet decided that they are to replace you as we are giving you the chance to prove yourself and provide some further fuel before we push you away and leave you spluttering and gasping on the ground beside the barrel. We never finish you off. That would be pointless. We always need to come back, not that you will realise that as you lie panting and shaking on the ground, cold and soaked, watching as we stroll away, our arm around the new prospect. This steady and controlled dis-engagement takes place as we lose interest in you but we have no desire to make our departure sudden and swift. We want to hedge our bets as we firm up our arrangements with your replacement, fine-tuning that seduction as we continue to extract fuel from you through this dunking. We push and pull, toying with your emotions. This is not part of the devaluation even though we exhibit a similar behaviour during that time when we denigrate you and then grant respite. No, this is different. When this is undertaken in an accelerated fashion then you know that it is a form of dis-engagement. We may give you a week of hell and then several weeks of the golden period before hell again. That is the push and pull of devaluation. When this technique is applied as discard it is disorientating as one day is fine and the next is not and then fine again. You feel like you are being figuratively bludgeoned and as you try and get your bearings you stagger across the boxing ring away from us only to meet another opponent who continues the beating and then sends you on your way to the next one.

These are just two forms of the way we will discard you. Why do we do it? As ever it is all about fuel. With the first it is because we have new and brilliant fuel and no longer wish to be reminded about your faltering and weak fuel. In the second we have not yet confirmed that the new source is as potent as we require and in the meanwhile we decide to continue to extract further fuel from you as your severance from us takes place in typical salami-slicing fashion. In every entanglement with our kind you will eventually be discarded. You won’t see it coming but it is always in the post, coming along the highway, wending its way towards you.

Don’t be too concerned though. No dis-engagement is for ever. We always come back for more.

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105 Comments

  1. HG, I know this is probably more for a consultation but is it possible to get a narcissist Dad to lend their son money, if they have plenty of money in the bank and the son is going to lose his car and needs 5k, drop in the ocean for the narcissist , it’s my cousin and his Dad is refusing ? Thank you

    1. You cannot guarantee achieving it. You can bring influence to bear. I can explain why this is and what you can try (note try) through consultation as it is detailed.

      1. Ok thanks HG, I will email you later if that’s ok, to see when you might have a slot sometime, I’ve got quite a few family problems . Thanks

  2. Love the vocabulary. I have the perfect pic of a silly little boy who fits the descriptions perfectly.

  3. Lisa,

    In your reply to FYC below,

    “I am not commenting based on what you find reasonable or balanced or whether you appreciate it or not, I’m commenting on how I feel and what I want to say.”

    You are essentially conveying that you want to reserve the right to comment on/freely say what you feel about what HG shares on Narcsite BUT that you want to share those comments without having support them or justify them – or even have them commented upon by others.
    If that is the case; we may as well all be talking to ourselves.

    1. WC, Thank you for your point of view, as always you are wise and I agree. Anyone is welcome to question my comments and I took no offense at Lisa’s response. In fairness, I can see why Lisa assumed I was arrogant in my choice of the word “balanced,” but I harbored no such feeling. I was making an argument of facts over emotions. I understood her original intent, I simply took issue with her approach and missing facts.

      1. FYC,

        “Anyone is welcome to question my comments”

        Ditto – mine as well!

        I know that I come off as opinionated sometimes but I do try offer reasons and observations to back it up – and where I don’t; I’m okay with someone pointing it out.

        I think you give measured and thoughtful responses – and research based ones even!

        I have no problem with someone having strong opinions but if someone is going to outright object to something that HG shares on his own blog and state that he is out of line for doing so – in a public forum – you should be able to give reasons why you feel that way (because, yes indeed, someone may disagree with you.) Sure, one can argue that given our education here on narcissistic entanglement; we can expect the worst outcome. Or we can look to other evidence as well, such as the reality that HG is able to interact in a prosocial manner (we have the evidence on this blog – yes, it is with tertiary sources but it’s still evidence, plus other examples he has provided.)

        Also, people can express concern for the SM without the final judgement that the relationship is doomed to fail and people should be able to express support for it (like you have) *without* it being assumed that you are romanticizing it and with the understanding (because you have provided it) that you’ve carefully considered that stance.

        (Sorry; this comment with likely go to the top of the thread – which doesn’t help matters in the discussion – but my both my phone and WordPress are being ornery.)

        1. Hello WhoCares, I deleted my old WordPress account, so for 30 days I will not be getting notifications. I apologize any delays.

          I’m going to sound like a broken record, but, once again, I agree with you 😉 Thank you so much for your viewpoint. You come across as caring and authentic and I admire these qualities. I appreciate you. We all contribute to this public forum. I have been enriched by the commentary here by some very intelligent, kind and funny people (yourself included).

          I have also been surprised by the name calling and judgements and venom of some commenters toward HG as if he were not human, does not deserve to live or is unaware of his behavior. He is human, he is aware and he is making an effort to adjust his behavior. That appears to be a good direction. I am definitely not romanticizing anything! I support prosocial change.

          I do not know either HG or the SM. Their relationship is their choice and their business. I do not want to see any one hurt. Yet if we are being honest, even non-disordered people hurt each other when it comes to love. I have yet to meet the ‘perfect’ couple. I do wish HG well because his works are invaluable. I guess in the future I will pass on commenting because it is not worth all these keystrokes! 😉

          Thank you again, WC for your support and valuable insight.

          1. Hello FYC,

            Just read this.

            “I deleted my old WordPress account, so for 30 days I will not be getting notifications. I apologize any delays.”

            No problem…no need to apologize – I’m sure I’ve left more than one conversation hanging! I don’t get/use notifications lately.
            Actually, I took the WordPress App off of my phone to, sort of, wean myself off Narcsite a bit – haha! Not working, is it?
            Actually I do need to be here (to vent etc. since my outlets for venting elsewhere are severely limited.) Anyway, I get drawn into all the great discussions here lately…and there’s a lot of drama, as of late, it seems?
            I’ll be reading along I suppose but won’t be commenting much…

            Truthfully, I need to focus on finding a place to rest my head at night – that’s actually *mine* to keep!
            I’ll be following along when I can.

            Thank-you for all your support and understanding FYC – take care!

          2. WhoCares
            Finding a place to rest your head at night that is finally yours to keep is a very important step, and the peace and empowerment can work wonders in healing. Such a powerful thing that is sometimes taken for granted and often overlooked. I wish for you to find and experience that soon and to celebrate it with you when you do.
            NA

          3. WhoCares, good luck in finding your own place. I want to thank you for helping me several times here on the blog. You have been a light to me on several occasions. I really appreciate your kind heart. I will still look forward to reading your comments even if they are not made as often as before.

          4. WhoCares, I wish you the very best in finding your home. I do hope you will continue to comment when you can. I value you and would love to hear about your progress. To clarify my earlier comment, I meant I am going to refrain from responding to the negative types of comments. I will still comment here from time to time to try and give back.

            If you go, you will be missed, I certainly want all the very best for you and you know best. Thank you so much for all you have shared💞 you are a beautiful soul in a tough situation, but you are strong and will have a great life with your son! (Be good to you. I know how draining VMRNs can be!). Thank you so much for your support and kindness.

          5. “Finding a place to rest your head at night that is finally yours to keep is a very important step, and the peace and empowerment can work wonders in healing”

            Thank-you NA for your support…I’ll be checking in with you – and FYC – when I can.

          6. WhoCares
            Goodbyes make me feel sad, so I will see you again when you get hoovered back in with a new article/poll.

          7. FYC, NarcAngel, K , Mommypino, Lou,

            Thank-you for your caring comments…you all made me emotional…
            After having things fall through – like 3 times – in the last 3 months, and beginning to despair…I have officially secured a new apartment! It is not exactly where I originally wanted to live, buuuttt I think it will be for the best…in the end. Not going to celebrate until I’m actually sitting in it with a glass of…something…in my hand!.. However, I just came back from seeing it again today and it cannot get anymore ‘official’ – or if, at this point, something falls through; I can take an official course of action to address it.

            I’m still in a bit of disbelief.
            I think I’ve gone through 2 or 3 narc landlords in searching for the right place – and I kept ending up in limbo land with them (related: I have a story about one of those ‘handyman’ type guys for Mercy; the ones she was meeting at the local hardware store on another thread…but will follow up wherever that was).

            Anyway; somebody pinch me…

          8. K,

            “Goodbyes make me feel sad, so I will see you again when you get hoovered back in with a new article/poll.”

            Ironically, you’re way of ‘not’ saying goodbye made me cry – lol. But that is because I was thinking back to some early conversations here when I was still feeling very sensitive and extremely defensive and you, K, reached out and supported me – it meant a lot. And then NarcAngel stepped in, in her calm way, making sense of all the upset.
            Even though I was so upset by that particular thread; I was still able to break into giggle fits due to the comical nature of the follow up comments between you and NA…So thank-you K (in addition to being helpful; which we all acknowledge) for being perceptive, strong, fair – and funny!

            And I don’t really want to go anywhere – or say goodbye – however I’ll likely be without regular internet during the extended transition time…so it seemed the safest thing to say for now…because I hate to not follow up with people…but I’ll check in from time to time..I’m too attached to you all and this place that HG has created.

          9. Hi WhoCares, I just saw your reply on the Poll thread and came here to find the details on your new home. Congratulations!!! So happy to know you will soon be celebrating in your own safe space. I know how draining a move can be (In addition to all of your other recent changes) so I hope you can take some time off after you are done. I also hope the transition will not be too stressful. Since I cannot send you a gift, i’ll write a little poem:

            Start fresh, it’s never too late

            When trust is broken and love denied,
            And struggles surround you on every side,
            When you feel too weary to face the day,
            Breathe deep, fear not, you’ll make your way.

            You left behind, in the darkened mist,
            An illusion, a fraud, a narcissist.
            You will not miss a single thing,
            From his false words to controlling cling.

            It might, at first, feel strange to be,
            So in control, yet so carefree.
            Yet day by day, you’ll grow and thrive,
            With each new step you’ll come alive.

            A Hoover may arrive one day,
            You may feel pulled in some strange way,
            Just remember the words of wise HG,
            If you ever resist, you will always be F.R.E.E.

            Welcome to your new life in your new home, WhoCares!
            Can’t wait to hear all about it when you return.😘

          10. FYC,

            Thank for your sweet poem…the first day I saw it I could not respond, as it just made me emotional and I had much to focus on. I haven’t really checked in with you (and others) as I’m still in limbo-land.

            I think ‘transition’ is becoming my new comfort zone – lol.
            However, I do have intermittent internet access and I have been reading here and there, now and then – but not following any threads fully.

            I’m sure I’ve missed much…and will have catching up to do…

            Take care!

  4. PrincessSuperEmpath,

    “…honestly, I do not know if I loved the Mid Ranger more than I loved my devotion to the love of my fantasy of him.”

    The truth of this statement hits home: I loved *my devotion* to the love of my fantasy of him.

    Thank-you for expressing that.

  5. Thank-you FYC for your observations.

    “My hope is that he will maintain his prosocial efforts with this relationship”

    I’m all for the prosocial aspect!

  6. HG,

    “And such an approach is one I advocate in all instances when assessing matters, follow the evidence, well done”

    Thank-you HG.
    Constantly, in the back of my mind, is always the thought that I’m grateful for your work and what you share here – because I have personally benefited from it…But *especially* that you are not forcible compelled to do any of it – whatsoever. You are forthright about who you are, knowing full well what that means – and therefore open yourself to criticism and judgement (and people certainly don’t hesitate to criticize and judge, do they?) – to me that is brave. Even if you are not actually ‘hurt’ by such criticisms and labels the way that we would be as empaths and they just become a tiny bit of fuel for you – the intent to *hurt* or judge behind such statements is understood, cognitively, by all.
    To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about another person (the SM) brought into that arena – who is seemingly unknowingly observed, judged and possibly criticized (by observers) all without her full awareness. (And I have expressed my view on social media sharing already).
    If your relationship with her benefits you in a way that allows you to keep doing what your doing here – I think that is commendable. If, in turn, it benefits the Shieldmaiden in equal measure…well, that would be fabulous!

  7. Thank you to the people that have left comments for me, my comment had absolutely nothing to do with what people do or don’t do on social media , anonymously or otherwise, I think that’s up to the individual and I have no judgement or thoughts on it either way.
    It’s very simple I just won’t follow or read HG’s Instagram, I’ve only looked at a small amount of it twice anyway, but that was enough for me to feel so upset and uncomfortable with it.

    If you don’t understand my point that’s fine you don’t need to, I don’t feel the need to explain it or justify how I feel about it other than to explain it’s not about social media posting. Nor do I think he’s particularly exploiting the relationship for the purposes of promoting his narcissist information it’s just another avenue and platform for the work.

    HG knows what I mean and I’ve made my point, (and no I haven’t spoke to him about it) not that what I think is relevant to him one way or another.
    He just allows people to express their views and only corrects if its information that is wrong in terms of educationing correctly about NPD.

  8. HG
    It’s sort of amusing that many of us empaths initially or even now ( myself included) have expressed such concern for SM not knowing about what you are posting or what you are doing when a lot of us didn’t think twice about being involved with a married man. Where was our concern for our narc’s SM (so to speak) when we were under or atop him? Oh that’s right-there wasn’t any concern about her. At that point anyway.

    #aren’twetheconcernedsaints
    #doublestandardmuch?

    1. Any time I felt concern for her, I made it go away by reminding myself all the things he said about her. It did eat at me, but from the perspective I’d been given, she was the villain, I was the hero, and he was completely helpless without me to lead him to safety. Yes, I’m very gullible. I tend to project my own empathic trait of honesty onto others.

    2. Narc Angel: So many women want to “dethrone“ the primary woman, even if the male does not tell disparaging stories about her. And, even if he does not tell the secondary or other primary women that he plans to do so. Like a competition sometimes. Some women are so caught up in the competition, and they know it, so that when they finally have this competitive need met, and “`win,“ they leave the man immediately afterwards. They never wanted all the 24/7 responsibility entailed in an one-on-one relationship, in the first place. Intentional Marriage breakers. For the ego. We all have to be so careful. Men can be intentional marriage breakers as well. People have “fun“ in so many different ways.

    3. Hi NarcAngel, there must be another Lisa on the blog. I personally have not cheated on anyone and my narc was single as far as I ever knew. If there were ipss I didn’t know about it. My concern is not just for this woman it’s for anyone in that situation in general. There’s nothing I can do about it other than spread HG’s work, but I don’t have to watch a golden period like some kind of soap opera for my amusement at the expense of maybe another woman’s pain in the future. I have read enough of HG’s work to understand the stages , I don’t need one played out in real time for me to grasp the process.
      I think one thing you and I agree on very clearly is the line between HG Tudors work and the man behind HG Tudor that fortunately we do not deal with.

      1. Hi. I am the other Lisa. I’m fairly new here. I have been the other woman. I’ve given myself a profile picture to help others tell us apart.

      2. Lisa
        That wasn’t directed at you or anyone specific at all. I made a comment myself at the beginning of the Instagram/SM introduction about not knowing how I felt about it, but then decided after some consideration to take a watch and see approach. It just reminded me that many of us have made comments of concern about SM being deceived/harmed and yet we had no such concerns while engaged with someone else’s partner as long as we were getting what we wanted. I was reminded of that as I read these exchanges, that was all. I understand that the I.G posts will affect people differently and I absolutely respect that you have decided it is not for you and that you have opted out. I appreciate that different avenues are offered and we can decide individually.

        1. Thanks NarcAngel
          It’s bloody exhausting having to justify every comment you make on here sometimes. I promise myself I’m not going to do it, then feel rude if I don’t respond to people. I know you weren’t aiming it at me as such and I totally get your point, there’s plenty of hypocrisy amongst empaths that’s for sure.
          There’s some hypocrisy in my comment as I’ve read about all the disgusting cruel treatment women have received from HG and learnt from it and asked questions about it and probably not cared enough about what those women went through , I was too stuck probably trying to work out my own mess that I was in at the time . So maybe it’s the place that I’m at now but I find this being played out now and not in the past very hard to stomach at times. I’m also way past the point of will they change , is this one different , is this the exception to all the others , bullshit !! HG has taught me well my emotional thinking over narcissists has gone but you can’t help feeling for people that maybe don’t know what they could be dealing with.

        2. Good point NarcAngel
          I am an ex other woman and you know you are right.
          I’m not going to make excuses .
          I think the Instagram is ok , as long as HG plays safe there.
          This is what he does he is a narc ,what did we expect ,a knight in shining armour.He does this to many women .I hope no one forgets that fact.
          I think it gives us a nice sharp reality check that HG will do what he does , it’s not always going to be nice .
          Just don’t romantise him and let him do what he does SM will have to deal with it in her own way .That sounds harsh but it’s reality.
          A tiger is still a tiger if we put a bow around his neck .

          Kiki

      3. Lisa. “Amusement?“ I dare say, that I do not take much about what goes on with what we are calling disorders, basically amusing. But, to be maudlin and dejected 24/7 and to never again smile or laugh or find humor and irony in reality, is not a sustainable or healthy solution to many. Even the best classical tragedies, have moments of respite and comedy, so as to not Overload the audience. I have a friend that writes plays, and she explained this to me (later when I went out with her and her husband) when I thought humor was out of line in one scene, during a reading she had and she wanted comments from us throughout the reading of the play. I had to agree with her, after I watched the entire play, and found that I enjoyed it in its fullness. It was a take on Romeo and Juliet and how the feud began. And one of the character`s that had more humorous lines was actually the character that endured the most tragedy, at the end of the play: Juliet`s mother.

      4. I hear you, Lisa. I would not want to be SM, if SM does not know about her starring role in HG’s Instagram.

        It’s one of the reasons I do not use Facebook, Instagram, etc.

        Plus, doesn’t HG tell us to lay off the social media if we expect to meet a non-narc?

    4. NarcAngel,

      I think it’s interesting, regardless of the nature of our past entanglements, how different empaths react to HG’s sharing of his relationship with the Shieldmaiden. Some wish them the best, some expect it to fail, some fear for her – and some (like me) are attempting to reserve judgement until further knowledge is available.

      I think this reflects on the way we were affected by our past entanglements and the type of empath we are. Personally, it seems I still like to give the benefit of the doubt – that is similar to how I was with my narcsissist.

      I didn’t even want to get drawn into the discussion on Shieldmaiden (I know: I did) because I actually don’t feel like it’s my business. Naturally, I’m curious like others and I like having the visuals to add context to what we know about HG. And I did create an IG specifically for following HG there. I posted one comment but don’t expect to post more because I don’t enjoy the discussion there like I do here.

      Anyway, I clearly do have an opinion on HG sharing about his relationship but I tried to base it on facts, observation and opinion – without simply jumping to conclusions.

      1. And such an approach is one I advocate in all instances when assessing matters, follow the evidence, well done

      2. WhoCares I agree with you and HG. I also agree it is none of my business. I do not comment on IG, but I do look at it from time to time because it is referenced here. I admit I have vacillated between hoping for the best and having concern for the outcome, but my post was based upon the facts presented thus far and HG’s stated intent, as well as the SM’s implied level of intelligence. I also think HG would lose his following if we actually saw real-time inappropriate behavior (versus fearing it) and especially if he pursues negative fuel. My hope is that he will maintain his prosocial efforts with this relationship and if he does not get his needs met, in this rare instance, he will depart without adding her to the asylum of the grotesque.

        1. “My hope is that he will maintain his prosocial efforts with this relationship and if he does not get his needs met, in this rare instance, he will depart without adding her to the asylum of the grotesque.”
          I second this.

        2. FYC: People`s belief system but them in that Asylum. It is a collection of various “Love“ Devotees. HG just curated it. Beliefs like, Love Conquers All, and for me, I was stuck with: Winners Never Quit. Well, that was the belief system that I utilized to anchor my devotion to my love of the fantasy of the Mid Ranger. And, There are so many love beliefs, such as, All is fair in love and war, and What is good for the Goose is good for the Gander. And, Love heals all wounds. The list of beliefs that can be followed to lead someone to be an artifact in that asylum of Devotees of Love is long. And honestly, I do not know if I loved the Mid Ranger more than I loved my devotion to the love of my fantasy of him. I was playing, Winners Never Quit with the Mid Ranger, to keep my addiction fed, and therefore I even had to suffer the likes of his 4 envious lieutenants, to satisfy my belief system that could place me or placed me in an asylum of the grotesque. I have removed myself from my love belief that Winners Never Quit. I quit! Am I still in an Asylum of the Grotesque? I do not know. I do not want to know the answer, if no way is provided on how to be removed. I do not want to be in there, for someone to look at me and discuss whether I am or am not a fine work of art, according to their tastes, as they walk around touring the collection.

          1. Dearest HG: I sure hope you are writing, or will write a book of “Anti“-Fairy Tales for Little Girls. For example, I would love to see what happens when: Sleeping Beauty awakens early, Snow White gets a tan, Alice in Wonderland buys her own Real Estate, Little Red Riding hood learns how to hunt and shoot, Beauty (of Beauty and the Beast) starts aging, and on and on. It Would be mesmerizing and exciting to read these short stories, with your writing style and wit and humor! Plus, you would select the best stimulating photos and/or artistic renderings. PSE

          2. I love this idea, PSE. Brilliant! I hope HG takes you up on it. He is so good with the fairy tales.

          3. PSE that would be a great idea for HG to rewrite fairy tales for little girls. I can already imagine myself giving that to my daughter someday as I send her off to college.

          4. Hello PSE, I appreciate your sentiment and hope you have healed from that relationship. No need to worry about any ‘asylum’ as it only exists in the mind of the narc. Nothing in his mind can define you. You simply gave love to someone you thought was genuine and remained because you did not want to lose what you thought you found long ago (cognitive dissonance).

            I am not much given to cliches. If love could conquer all, I would be able to cure cancer in my loved ones. That does’t work. I am a highly logical and empathetic person. I feel deeply but rely on logic. When I use the word hope, it is a positive nod of respect to HG based upon current facts as presented. We will see what unfolds. I appreciate under different circumstances the Vegas odds would be poor indeed.

          5. mommypino and SMH: I could see that it. I would love them for myself as well!

          6. PSE and Mommypino, They would be very empowering! Little Match Girl was the one that always got to me as a kid. The girl could burn her father’s house down rather than freezing to death.

        3. FYC. HG Tudor did define my actions to me on a different post though and it was the truth. My Emotional Thinking found the persuasive cliche to help me preserver to continue in the entanglement to feed my addiction to the mid ranger. To be a Love Devotee: Winners Never Quit equalling Love Never Quits. So, I quit! However, I am glad that you do not and did not live by cliches. I was raised on them. And, in the Midwest, in the United States. Good old middle America, where we were stuffed on them growing up as children, in the heartlands. We had to say them and sing them and write about them in poems and contests and essays. We sung songs in school to corporations, such as to Wells Fargo. And to C & H pure cane sugar, and other companies. It`s Unbelievable, when I think about it now. We were constantly told how lucky we are and how safe we were and how good we and our families were. The best on the entire earth. My mother did some work on the Board of Education in my State, when I was a teenager, and she learned a lot and informed me about reality: Basically, we were steeped in cliches as we grew up there, so that we had no desire to leave and would stay and be satisfied to work in the factories and industries and production plants, etc. To never quit. To never give up. To stay put. All drawn up on a physical map of the United States. Probably happens in a lot of similar locations in many countries. I hate that type of mental management and socialized education now. I wish I had not grown up with all that stuff. But, families stayed together more and for a long time in the Midwest. And marriages lasted. No longer. And, I wonder how long will many that could not put together their own relationships continue to tell HG Tudor how to maintain his, according to what they wish for themselves. I think we all are doing the best we can with what we know, and for what we need, and we all are trying to learn more, because there just have to be more to it all, yes? I hope so and hope to find it if possible. If not, I can survive that as well, at this point. And, no cliche comes to my mind right now, for once, FYC. And that is a good thing.

          1. PSE, What an amazing and thoughtful background you provide! Thank you. I now understand your earlier post clearly. My experience was very different growing up, both geographically and educationally. I am so sorry this was your experience. You are clearly wise to be aware of these influences, gain knowledge and make different choices.

            Your statement:

            “I think we all are doing the best we can with what we know, and for what we need, and we all are trying to learn more, because there just have to be more to it all, yes?”

            I agree and yes there is so much more in life.

            PSE, I think there are many positives that can emerge from limiting or negative experiences. Challenges and pain can make us stronger if we don’t give up. I wish I could reach through the ether give you encouragement and empowerment. Instead I will offer a different perspective:

            Failure in any form is not a negative, it is our teacher. When something does not work (in thought or in actions), we are afforded a new opportunity to learn, adjust, and take a better approach. Failure in no way defines us. Nor can another define us. If we choose to define ourselves, we seize the power. You have lost nothing. You have gained a world of understanding and are starting anew with the same beautiful heart you always had, but now you are armored with knowledge. I would say your future is bright.

            Thank you for sharing your story, PSE. You have given me new insight and I am grateful.

          2. FYC. I mean malice as in revenge. The word revenge has taken on a more negative connotation, but there is a thin line between revenge and justice. On your other point, politics, economics, war, etc. spills over to what happens in our lives and how people behave towards one another, and thus spills over into our households and can cause things to not go as expected in our personal lives, because it impacts our decision making. One can not always cleanly separate it all. And some timeframes call for such to be pulled into the discussions more than other time frames. One woman acquaintance of mine has been given an ultimatum by her long distance boyfriend to move in with him from London to Switzerland, because of Brexit. She wants advice. Another friend of mine from college days is back from London and into the States, leaving his ex wife over there and his children and his girlfriend, because his job transferred him back because of Brexit. The girlfriend can not get papers to come here. She barely could stay in London with the papers she had. She wants him to marry her. They all are unhappy. I have no advice for any of them. Politics and interpersonal decisions colliding.

        4. FYC: I agree that we learn and grow from negative experiences, and failure, whether they are psychological, physical or even economical experiences. However, when too much negative of any type is suffered by certain people, whether or not the negative experiences were intentional or not, malice can develop within that person. The affliction was forwarded too much into that person. And any type of affliction that is light to one person can destroy another. I live in the United States. And so many people do not understand why so many secretly voted for Donald Trump. (I do not vote). It is because you have so many regions of this country that feel malice because the industries and plants and factories closed and this has been going on for decades. People that never expected to do so are quietly going into deep economic hardship that they do not know how to and did not expect to endure, with no foreseeable way out. Donald spoke to the malice these people feel. The media loves to say that he spoke to their prejudices and lower natures. Sure, but that is a small percentage, of what he talked to them about. The media harps on his lower nature because, it keeps attention away from how all this economic destruction started in the first place. So, yes, the lower narc nature he has is good to stir them up to get admiration and fuel from them, by giving them a laugh and boost their spirits. But, his upper lower narc side really spoke to their economic hardships more, implying to them that he could save them. He can not. That is why he is really having so many problems now. He has not saved. And so now both sides of the political divide are upset with him. Too much negativity and failure and affliction is not good. And gives birth to malice. And, people will attempt to be delivered from it, one way or the other.

          1. Interesting perspective, PSE. Do you mean anger and frustration? Malice is a desire to harm others or to see others suffer. Just want to be clear on your perspective.

            Also I was speaking to things that don’t go as expected in our personal lives. I was not speaking to the US political environment and the reasonable frustrations that exist.

    5. NA, that’s the power of emotional thinking. Because we want something, we rationalize over it. I can also imagine a narc demonizing his IPPS to the IPSS yo helps the IPSS rationalize what they are doing.

  9. My narc does this all the time. I think I am only a dirty little secret, so there is not much drama.

  10. We should be concerned though – we don’t want any hoovers. I used to pray for a hoover. Now, I dread them – because even knowing what I now know, my ET still forces me to mull the words over. To think where he was and what he was doing when he sends them. I know I’m not the villain, but I always feel like one when I’m NC and ignoring. Grrr.

      1. The reason I ask is because there seems to be some comments on your Instagram of people thinking she knows. I created an Instagram account just to follow yours, as I try to support the HG work wherever possible and I guess every follower counts. I do not go on there much or use it. I occasionally get a notification to see updates and have briefly scrolled through your Instagram once or twice and read a few comments but I have not looked at it or read it extensively. I support anything that HG Tudor does in terms of educating regarding NPD, but I totally disagree with what you are doing by putting information on this narcsite about this relationship your in , it’s just wrong and you shouldn’t be doing it . It’s not necessary and has no relevance to educating about NPD. If I was this woman I would be horrified. You should stop doing it. This information if you want to share it should be on your personal Instagram if you have one and for your girlfriend to see. It should not be on a narcsite in reference to helping with NPD awareness. It’s the first thing that I’m aware of that HG Tudor has done that is just wrong.

        1. Lisa,

          “This information if you want to share it should be on your personal Instagram if you have one and for your girlfriend to see. It should not be on a narcsite in reference to helping with NPD awareness.”

          I’m not saying the SM posts on Instagram are right or wrong…but before judgement; do you post about yourself and your loved ones on social media? Do other people here post about the intimate other in their life on social media? Do other people who have a business or online learning social media presence post about their personal life and the people in them? In all cases mentioned so far; did anyone ask the other people for permission to do so? I bet not. And usually that person’s identity is not protected as the SM’s is on IG.

          Also, do you know if HG has a personal IG account? Maybe he does and he posts there with her knowledge…it is a possibility.

          1. Hi WhoCares
            I knew when I sent the comment to HG that there would be readers that disagree and they are entitled to their opinion as am I . It’s to HG’s credit that he posted my comment. I am not going to get into arguments with other followers regarding this. I think it’s perfectly obvious why this is a different situation from someone’s work or business Instagram and I didn’t state that he did or didn’t post on his private Instagram if he has one , what I said was that a narcissist site is not the place for it. This woman is not an experiment she’s a person and a person not armed with information that we are privileged to. I can only speak for myself when I say I would not want to be in that position that she is in without knowing about it. I hardly think HG is going to lose any sleep over my opinion but I can have an opinion.

          2. Lisa,

            I forgot to address your main concern; that a narcissist site is not the place for sharing HG’s relationship, whatever the motive, with the Shieldmaiden.

            IF he was strictly doing it to maximize attention to Narcsite – and therefore the sharing was ultimately gratuitous and opportunistic – then I would take issue with it.
            But we don’t know his intent – AND I think that there are worse internet crimes done under a cover of innocent sharing – without considering the future repercussions of those involved.

          3. WhoCares sorry I forgot to answer your other question , no I don’t really post about personal things too much on social media but that’s just me, I’m certainly not against people doing it in general. That has nothing to do with my point.

          4. Lisa,

            I think a lot about the repercussions of posting on social media; especially with regard to information about – and images of – other people. I have an online professional presence but I changed my settings (mostly) to private (or simply let my accounts sit inactive) after the fall out of my entanglement because my ex started following some of the same organizations, that I work with, on his twitter account – and because I don’t want to share where I will be when present in the community at a particular event (even though it hinders my ability to promote myself in my profession). I also work with community art projects that sometimes have children involved; so, as always, I’m sensitive to the issues of weighing the desire to promote and share a project with others against the protection of privacy of the child participants. Of course, none of the children’s info or pics are shared if his or her parent has not signed a consent form.

            I have a child myself who you will never see an image of (or see his name) on my social media accounts (personal or professional). Why? Because when I had a baby, despite wanting to share with world how friggin’ cute he is – I made the conscious decision to not share pics of him online because I do not want him to have a social media presence until he is able to understand what a ‘social media presence’ is. I may have shot myself in the foot with that choice but I take his privacy more serious than my ability to make money through my career using his images to gain more attention or promote myself as an ‘artist AND a mom’. I know many colleagues who do the latter – do they do it intentionally – I’m not the judge of that – does it get them more attention to their work? Maybe. Are they able to put more food on the table for their children as a result? Perhaps. Or maybe they simply take joy in presenting themselves as an actual human being – and not just someone who has an online ‘business.’

            Personally, through making this choice, I may have actually damaged my ability to provide for my child – I recognize that I have protected his identity and post- narcissistic entanglement, you can bet I’m glad I made that choice. And because on social media once images are out there; they cannot be taken back.

            Further, I weigh all that I share here with the knowledge that if someone followed my posts close enough – AND knew me personally – they could piece together who I am. In turn, they would also know who my ex is; as I’ve shared a fair amount of specifics about him.

            But I feel that if my posts will help someone avoid what I went through or help another understand the mind fuck that is narcissistic abuse – then I’m okay with it.

            A lot of people here have shared specifics here regarding their narcissist that could damage that narcissist if paired with their identity – are they not also allowed protection? Good thing that HG sees to that here.

            As for the Shieldmaiden, and her portrayal on IG, I actually did not disagree with you – I only presented other considerations. Similar to you; I’m not sure how I would feel as a woman if I found out that someone was sharing about me in the way that HG is sharing about the SM. However, in this day and age, social media presence is a given – especially in business etc…Perhaps even SM has a social media presence where she shares pics of HG or aspects of their relationship. We don’t know.

            Also, I’m assuming SM uses the internet? So, how did we all stumble here – by accident mostly – because some people are still hung up over at other, useless, narcissistic abuse sites. She has just as much chance as us to stumble upon HG’s site…it’s not like he’s actually hiding his site under a rock. And if he wanted to hide it – he could. Actually, if the SM found him – and didn’t make the connection between his online persona and the person she is with in real life; she could just go one believing that they are two different people. If you think about it; with all the information that HG leaves on Instagram he is actually leaving a trail – she could piece it together if she’s smart. How would she feel about it – if she did piece it together? How can we know that? I don’t know how I would feel about it – but, as long as my identity was protected (and SM’s is protected) my reaction may be solely dependent on the *intent* behind the sharing of such information.

          5. Good point, WhoCares,
            But like Lisa mentioned, it’s a whole different set of circumstances. I don’t post a picture (on Facebook/IG) of me sitting on a bench in the park, with my dad’s arm in the background and then proceed to post ‘You could cut the atmosphere with a knife and there’s the narcissistic cunts arm”. Neither do I post a picture myself with a friend (on a site hidden from her) of us having dinner in a restaurant with the caption ‘My friend snugglewump had the fish’.

            It’s about deceit and control.

          6. And I don’t plan on gaslighting her or starting an argument when we leave.

            It just isn’t done in our world. Therefore, look for the ‘motive’, WhoCares.

          7. I have no social media accounts through which I post about myself or anyone else. I comment, on sites like these, but that’s as far as it goes. I’m totally respectful of everyone’s privacy.

          8. My stuff is all Fort Knox private as far as social media.. I’m more careless here obviously. I’d never say stuff about my ex on social media!

        2. Lisa: I talk to people on here about people in my life, all the time, because I feel anonymous and I do not give their names. I hope that is okay. I do not know another way to do this without discussing them. And, I want to discuss them. I need to discuss them. I do not give their actual names, nor my actual name on here. If one of them finds their way on here and somehow they figure out who I am and know the people I am discussing, including themselves, and call me out on it, I guess I would deny it and say it was similar circumstances from elsewhere, or say I was using some info in a sort of combined persons prototype with artistic license embedded in the scenarios, or something like that, I guess. I am sure at some point, I will not discuss them. It would not be necessary for me. Nor, no longer beneficial to me. That phase would be over in my learning and healing and development purposes, going forward. But, now, it strongly benefits my healing and learning. Even fiction writers are called out by their acquaintances, saying, that was me, or you wrote about us, even with the fiction disclaimer at the beginning of the book. I guess it is the cost of doing business, so to speak. At least, for a while.

          1. PrincessSuperEmpath, don’t worry about talking about your life on here we all do it, your safe to do it and as you say if anyone recognised anything you can deny if need be . This site is like therapy you have to open up to move forward. HG’s work has been like nearly 4 years of very cheap/free therapy with the best expert on the subject. My post was not about posting things about yourself or people in your life anonymously or otherwise.

        3. Lisa,

          I totally agree with you. It is the only thing that HG has done that I find very disturbing. The only questions I asked him about SM were does she know about your NPD and that you are posting about her. He hasn’t answered yet as I believe they are all for a separate blog post he will write, but at least maybe he is thinking about what it means to objectify someone in this way.

          I worry not just that what he is doing is exploitative of her, but also that things will go well, but she will find out and leave him as it could be seen as a huge betrayal of trust. HG, I know you think she will never find out but she might, unless you are making the whole thing up for various instructional purposes (which is also a possibility).

          1. SMH: Whatever the case, in a world where there is so very little intimacy, “normal“ or `cognitive,“` and in a world where there is so little empathy, “ “normal or `cognitive,` “I am deeply appreciative to feel that I know and have learned a little about at least one person, (HG Tudor), even if what I think I know is not even the tip of the iceberg, of the personality of that person, when compared to the vast arena of that person’s personality that is housed within the totality of that person’s entire existence on this planet. One day this site may run differently, as Society in general has grown more careful and hyper-vigilant and closed. More people will become thus, as well. I appreciate all the closeness and secrets and exposed vulnerabilities, I am privy to on here. I find it nowhere else. Thank you, HG, for all that you told us and all that you will ever tell us about yourself and your life. The sacrifice, if that is what we shall call it, has been extremely therapeutic and healing in my case. PSE.

          2. PSE, For me too. I don’t need the IG for that. I do look at it though, so maybe it’s the images that bother me rather than the words. I don’t know.

            At any rate, how are things going for you? Did you get your work stuff sorted out with your friend and your narc?

          3. Hi SMH
            Thanks for your comment. HG is not making her up for tutorial reasons and things won’t work out well, it will be different story same outcome.
            Hope your having a nice Easter and hope you are also having a nice Easter HG.

          4. Hi Lisa, Thanks. Hope you had a nice Easter too. I don’t know how it is going to all shake out and I don’t really think HG is making her up, but I believe in transparency and in adults making their own decisions about their lives with as much information and resources as possible. Maybe it is because my narc lied to me as well as to IPPS but transparency became my mantra. One day I asked him to be transparent about a very simple thing – if he would be over and at what time so I wasn’t waiting around for him – and he accused me of monitoring him. Of course I had no idea where he was – it was all electronic – and that wasn’t the point. I then utterly failed in my attempts to explain the difference between transparency and monitoring, though he did apologize later. I did not realize at the time that it was a control issue with him. I just thought he was under a lot of pressure. I imagine the lack of transparency is also a control thing with HG. She might not mind and he isn’t posting any nastiness about her, but the point is that she does not know. I can’t help that it bugs me! But not my circus, not my monkeys.

          5. Hi SMH
            I think the posting on Instagram is the least of her concerns in the grand scheme of what she may be dealing with.
            It’s more concerning that people are still romantising a possible psychopath / narcissist despite everything we know.
            I believe in HG’s teachings and I believe what he tells me, unfortunately she can’t have a consultation with him.

          6. Lisa, I was just reading the comments in IG instead of looking at the images and thinking those folks are in la la land. So different from here.

          7. Hi SMH, nice to see you again. 🖐

            Excuse me for butting in, I do concur with the sentiment here.

            I don’t feel it is that respectful towards SM and have wondered what she might think had she been privy to all the details up front. This is only a small part of the whole dynamic, so I’m sure there are other bigger things she could worry about.

            I don’t actually visit IG anymore, it’s a little too emotional and I feel uneasy, a bit like when I’m watching a tv series and I just need to watch it in full so I don’t feel like I’m in limbo wondering!! The reason I won’t have Netflix or watch reality TV. 😆

            HG, what would happen to the New Dynamic should SM stumble across this blog or find your KTN Insta page and recognise herself? Is this live or are we talking about some past event? Cheers!

          8. Narc Noob, Nice to see you too, and you are welcome to butt in anytime.

            You are right that the IG might be minor in the scheme of things for SM. She might not mind at all.

            I think I have trouble reconciling the HG I see there with the one I see here and I am not sure what his goal is with the IG. I don’t use it and I guess I associate it with the facade because of MRN and IPPS, so that is how I see it with HG too – that he is deep here and shallow there.

            Then I understand him to sort of be parading SM around – she is part of his posh life, the material things that he likes to have around him, his travels, what he eats, his good taste, etc. That is why it feels objectifying to me – that she is just another prop. Eeks, I hope this doesn’t get me in trouble!! It is just the way I see it!!

          9. SMH. Thank you for asking. I still have not returned to work! I plan on returning not before Mid May, for good reasons. I was just so exhausted. Once I figured out what was happening, I just could not look at him, nor look at his 4 lieutenants. I believe that is why I just shut down, and did not go back to work: I do not know definitively, if it is my emotional thinking or logical thinking in control, or perhaps I am in some type of “gap.“ I just had to remove myself from the scene of the crime, so to speak. I do understand now why I am/was so extremely exhausted: HG Tudor posted an article recently about the Minions of Darkness. From that article, I realized I had also been battling the Mid Ranger`s 4 lieutenants`s and their constant Malign Hoovers by proxy on behalf of the Mid Ranger, all along. Whew!! UNBELIEVABLE. And that battle had been constant for over 3 years. So, it was actually 5 against 1! No wonder I felt blindfolded and like I was swinging at a pinata: So, I will have been out since mid March going on until Mid May, I think. About 2 months. I need it. They probably think I am dying or something. That is good, since HG said that Narcissists do not like dealing with the inconveniences of someone else`s illness. In fact, He, himself, only hoovered me once. I have a perfect Alibi, by saying I am ill (not true..I am not sick). Hopefully they all have moved on from me, like how one moves on from an inconveniently malfunctioning pencil sharpener or can-opener. I am so much better now, SMH. Knowledge is power, mentally and emotionally and physically.

          10. PSE, Sort of like grey rock only grey faced (ill). It certainly sounds like you needed the break. I hope you can keep your mental strength intact so it won’t be that difficult when you go back. I can’t imagine being in a work situation with MRN. It was hard enough being in the same city as him!

          11. SMH. I can just imagine. The world seems so small some times, especially after some of the matters and situations that we really need a whole lot of space away from, to really breathe better. I just have to forget about my friend. I know how great she is feeling about him. Been there. She is only visually the same person. My friend is gone for now, emotionally. I understand. So, I just said, no, to being around all of them for a while. As long as I can get away with it. I pulled the emergency breaks on that runaway train and I jumped off and left them all on the rough ride together. Hitting the ground hurt me, but it is far less painful than crashing with them would have been. Plus, they knew what type of train it was and had protective gear on. I did not. I would have been pure and simple collateral damage. Nothing they had not seen before. My friend is not in the danger zone. She should be fine. She is merely hypnotized. A new shiny administrative appliance. She loves her husband, and I doubt she would do anything destructive to her family. She means no malice towards me. She does not know of the entanglement., nor that I am actually dis-engaging from the N. and have been doing so since December. What a mess it all is. SMH, I sure hope I have learned my lesson. I hope you are doing better each day and week and month, as well!

        4. Lisa,

          Of course you are entitled to your opinion on HG’s IG; I respect HG’s invitation to “vent your spleen.” That said, you sure had a lot of “should-ing” going on.

          I am curious why you made the statement: “If I was this woman I would be horrified.” Why?

          HG is clearly proud of the SM. They are a couple. HG is having a bit of fun with his readers, about his travels with the SM. I have seen nothing disrespectful, derogatory, or inappropriate. HG is applying a new prosocial dynamic with her in their relationship. He keeps in touch with his psychologist on travel.

          Technically, travel content could be seen as off-topic, yet HG is a narcissist so no matter what he posts he is on topic.

          I can appreciate you may be concerned for the SM’ future. But if you are uncomfortable you can unfollow on IG. If not, let’s give HG the benefit of the doubt: Prosocial until proven guilty. Fair enough?

          WhoCares,

          Excellent, logical post. Thank you.

          1. Thank-you FYC.

            Actually I was less logical in a longer, yet-to-be-moderated comment, because I do hold strong opinions about social media sharing.

            Ultimately, HG and SM are adults. HG has shared that he takes pictures with the Shieldmaiden’s knowledge.
            The IG posts don’t share his identity or hers. We don’t know much more than that. But to instantly assume (because he is a Narcissist and runs Narcsite) that the IG posts are an exploitation of their relationship isn’t fair. (It certainly does spark some interesting debate…)

            Also, as with anyone else HG is certainly entitled to share about a relationship that he clearly values.

            My own issues with social media sharing come out in my other post – but they are just that: my issues. And I don’t have to look at the IG feed if I don’t want to.

          2. Thank you for adding that comment as well, WhoCares. I could not agree more. I look forward to your post.

          3. I would be horrified as well. I don’t think someone doing something they or others thinks is “positive” defines how I or someone else would take it or feel about it. “Pride” can be objectifying. That seems pretty straight forward to me.

            But the fact is I couldn’t know if it would bother her or if she would change her mind and it’s none of my business. I don’t even know if I would change my mind if I were in that situation. There is a good chance I wouldn’t. And all I try to do as best as I can is to not be a hypocrite.

            But yes, I could see someone being very unhappy with it and even though it looks like it isn’t disrespectful to one person, someone else could think it is. I don’t see why someone has to be “fair” about it. It’s just not my business, there is no crime committed, I can’t know her reaction, but I don’t see why the opinion needs to be mediated further than that into giving benefit of the doubt.

          4. I don’t care about his personal life at all—I do like the food pictures! I’m sure she will be just fine.

          5. Everyone is certainly welcome to their own opinion. For me, I use the word terrified for things that actually induce terror. The photos on IG (thus far) would not come close, nor would the posting of such material to date. I also do not subscribe to telling others what they “should” do (Lisa’s later posts were far more reasonable and balanced and that is appreciated).

            I understand people’s reasonable fears. I understand people taking issue with HG withholding information about himself and surreptitiously posting comments publicly. I take no issue with these concerns.

            What I know is only HG and the SM possess all the pertinent information regarding their relationship and personal requirements. The reader base is not privy to all pertinent information. If the SM found out, it might be a deal breaker or it might be she would take it in stride. We have no idea. We only know how we would feel.

            Finally, I am suggesting we acknowledge HG is working with a psychologist on prosocial change. He has stated many positive differences with the SM. I choose to afford him support on these worthy endeavors. (And to avoid further commentary, I am not suggesting there will be wholesale change.)

          6. FYC
            It’s very good of you to comment that my comments were much more reasonable and balanced at another stage in my comments and that you appreciated that. I am not commenting based on what you find reasonable or balanced or whether you appreciate it or not, I’m commenting on how I feel and what I want to say. HG decides what comments go on and what don’t, you don’t have to agree or like them just as I don’t have to agree with everything you say, I don’t then proceed to let you know whether I think your comments are balanced or reasonable , To Who ?
            You don’t control how I feel or what I comment about and how I do it.
            I’m not looking for approval from you or anyone else about what I think nor am I wondering whether you will find it reasonable. My comments are directed at HG and he’s not said a word , then there’s others deciding they will start defending him arguing the point , questioning my view on it. Just have your opinion and let others have theirs.

          7. Lisa, I would never suggest you seek anyone’s approval. As I have stated, we all have a right to our opinions. While I understand why you took issue with my statement on balance, and can appreciate your inference, that was not what I was communicating. I was commenting on fact over emotion.

    1. Lisa,
      Can you imagine having a relationship where you both make enough money to where you don’t calculate how each penny is coming and going. Low and behold, your boyfriend secretly writes popular self help books, interacts with a forum of mostly female readers, and does consultations just on the side… probably one of his many secret sides to him.
      I hope HG is also writing a movie script about his personal life.

  11. 3 years of my descrate already, this Sunday his father passed away, I sent him a sms of the dead man’s sin, because in whatsapp I am still blocked, 3 years, he unblocked me to thank me and he came back to block me, that resentment lasts a lot? do not ? , do you think that hatred and that grudge is devido to what? . Thank you

  12. Hello. H.G. Tudor.
    I’m not waiting for him, nor am I looking for revenge, because I understand his pathology and why not say mine. I also understand my share of guilt in this game or dance.
    You can see yourself and feel like a victim or on the contrary, work on it and throw the label in the garbage can and overcome the narcissistic wound he left in your soul.
    In my case, I doubt that he’ll come close, because he’s never done it before.
    His level of narcissism prevents him from making this movement of approach. He feels so superior, that his own narcissism plays against him and prevents him from approaching. He also uses this, as a form of punishment, which happens that he does not know that this has had no effect for years. Let him believe it as long as possible.
    In that case, it should be me, the one who approaches me or initiates the contact as I always did. Narcissists are usually quite traditionalists, jajajajja.
    The contact on my part will never occur and less knowing their manipulations. My zero contact is complete and this prevents you from having contact through friends or acquaintances, because it eliminates them all. So alone, you could do it directly and this form is not possible because of your own narcissistic pathology.
    But anyway I am prepared enough to recognize hoovers, if you decide to approach I will know very well how to act.
    Although nowadays I prefer to live a quiet and normal life. You have to be prepared and armed against the enemy. With the finger on the trigger, because whoever shoots first, shoots twice.

  13. Hello. H.G. Tudor.
    I’m not waiting for him, nor am I looking for revenge, because I understand his pathology and why not say mine. I also understand my share of guilt in this game.
    You can see yourself and feel like a victim or on the contrary, work on it and throw the label into the garbage can and overcome the narcissistic wound.
    In my case, I doubt that he’ll come close, because he’s never done it before. His
    level of narcissism prevents him from making this movement of approach. He feels so superior that his own narcissism plays against him and prevents him from doing so. In such a case, it should be me who approaches or initiates the contact. But this will never happen on my part, and even less if I know their manipulations. My complete zero contact prevents him from having contact through friends or acquaintances. So alone, you could do it directly and this form is not possible by your own narcissism.
    Anyway, I am prepared enough to recognize hoovers, if I decide to approach I will know very well how to act.
    Although nowadays I prefer to live a quiet and normal life. You have to be prepared and armed against the enemy. With the finger on the trigger, the one who shoots first, shoots twice. Metaphorically speaking.

  14. lol, vent my spleen….well, my spleen is not available. lol. But I do want to ask a question. I just got stalked by some asshole, on a dating website, who guessed what street I live on, amongst other things. I have a strong sense this is from my ex narco loser, who hasn’t got anything better to do , than to play little petty games in the shadows. But, hey, I could be wrong. So, to protect myself, I changed my number and filled out a police report. Told my friends. Other than that, do you have any suggestions? I also shut down most of my social media. The fucker listed his name as c me looking. So fucking immature…but I am not naive enough to think the loose cannon won’t blow one day, and I need to be careful. A gun in the hands of a child, can be a dangerous thing. He has access.

Vent Your Spleen!

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