Perfect Sense To Us

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“Why do you spend so much time looking at porn?”

“I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do. I know you do.”

“No you don’t know, you don’t know me at all, that’s part of the problem, if you took some time to know me, you would understand.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh that’s right, pretend you do not know what I am talking about. Absolutely typical. It is any wonder I get so pissed off with you?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“There you go again.”

“What are you on about?”

“Look, repeating it won’t make it any different. You always do this when you are in the wrong.”

“Hang on, me in the wrong? We were talking about you and your massive porn addiction.”

“Only because you are trying to deflect from what is really going on.”

“No I am not.”

“You just did it again.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did. Every time I try and point something out to you, you do this, you will never accept you are at fault. You always try to blame me. It is unfair and quite frankly troubling.”

“Wait, wait, this is all wrong.”

“You’re telling me.”


“At last an apology.”

“No, I wasn’t apologising.”

“No I should have known shouldn’t I? You don’t do apologies do you, you are so holier than thou, always so bloody right. Jesus, I suppose your crap doesn’t stink either does it?”

“There’s no need to be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like that, crude and vulgar.”

“I was just expressing myself.”

“You don’t have to do it like that.”

“Oh so now I am not allowed to voice an opinion.”

“I didn’t say that. Stop twisting things.”

“Ha, you have some cheek haven’t you, accusing me of twisting things? You do it all the time.”

“When? When have I ever done that?”

“Last week, you tried to make to make out that I was at fault for staying out.”

“Staying out when?”

“Last week.”

“I know, but which day?”

“It was night.”

“Sorry, I mean which night?”

“Blimey, another sorry, mind you, you probably didn’t mean that one either did you?”

“Will you stop doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Twisting things around, making out I am saying things when I am not.”

“But you are.”

“No I am not; you are putting words in my mouth.”

“You did say sorry just then.”

“Yes I know, but it wasn’t an apology….”

“Oh I know that; I have learned better than to expect you to be sorry for the way you treat me.”

“Why are you saying that? Look, please, just stop for a minute, I want to talk to you, have a sensible conversation.”

“Are you saying I cannot have a sensible conversation? Oh that is just charming. I am not the one getting worked up and…”

“Please stop it.”

“Have you heard yourself? You keep cutting across me and now you are telling me when I can and cannot speak.”

“No I am not.”

“Another denial. I swear you forget what you have just said or are you doing it on purpose? Trying to mess with my head are you? That is just sick.”

“Me mess with your head. Jesus Christs! You are the king of the head fuckers!”

“Here she goes, it is all coming out now, she cannot have a normal conversation, oh no, she has to be always right, always high and mighty, she cannot do anything wrong can she?”

“Look, let’s stop this.”

“Well you started it and now when I defend myself you cannot hack it.”

“You are making this about something else.”

“No that’s your tactic.”

“No it is not.”

“It is, you start talking about something and then you turn it into an attack against me.”

“I just wanted to discuss your porn addiction.”

“No you didn’t, you want to wind me up, make me angry and when it doesn’t work you keep on and on at me.”

“No, please, I am just trying to talk to you about something important, I cannot stand it when this happens.”

“When what happens?”


“What are you on about?”

“Oh God, it is so frustrating, why won’t you just shut up for five minutes and listen to me, is that too much to ask?”

“Why on earth should I when you talk to me like that?”

“Sorry, sorry, I am just….look, please,”

“Now you are not making any sense.”

“It is just impossible to talk to you.”

“There you go again, always blaming me when you are the one that cannot even form a sentence properly. I am sick of you treating me like this, telling me when I can and cannot speak, accusing me of things that I haven’t done, it isn’t right or fair.”

“I am not doing those things, please, stop saying I do.”

“But you do, there is something wrong with you, you cannot seem to see it.”

“What do you mean?”

“All this, the endless accusations, the going around in circles and it is not just me that thinks it.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Other people have noticed it.”

“Like who?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to say.”

“You can’t do that. You can’t accuse me of doing something but not tell me who said it.”

“There you go again, telling me what I can and cannot do.”

“Christ you are so infuriating.”

“And now the insults, nothing changes. You always do this.”

“No I don’t.”

“Oh yes you do. You never listen to me, you always try to pin the blame on me, I can list so many times in the past when you have done it.”

“No I haven’t, have I?”

“Not so sure now are you?”

“It is you, you are messing with my head, I cannot think straight when you play these games.”

“I am not playing games, you do. You started this. I was just watching television on my own and you start up with your usual evening attack on me. It is outrageous the way you treat me. You have the audacity to suggest that I am messing with your head, good Lord, your head is already messed up.”

“No it is not.”

“Oh yes it is, you should see somebody. I don’t even think you realise what you are saying half the time.”

“Yes I do; I am sure I do.”

“You see, you are not sure, you perhaps don’t mean to do it, but you do, you keep accusing me of doing the things that you do and it is unfair. There must be something wrong with you. You need to see a doctor before this gets out of hand.”

“I don’t need a doctor.”

“I think it is for the best.”

“Honestly, no I am fine, I just feel like I am wading through treacle at times.”

“I suppose that is what it is like when you have a mental condition.”

“I don’t have one.”

“You know people who have usually think they do not, that is part of the condition as well. I can tell by the look on your face that this is surprising you but it shouldn’t, I have put up with this for months, you are lucky I have not left you.”

“Left me?”

“Yes, you are intolerable at times.”

“Me? But, but….”

“Sssh, don’t make it any worse, we will get you some help.”

“I don’t need any help.”

“It’s okay, we will see a doctor for you, I will explain everything to him. You need some help and then maybe we can get through this.”

“There is nothing wrong with me.”

“That is what they always say.”

“No, there isn’t anything wrong with me.”

“Look, there is, there is no point denying it.”

“No it is you, not me.”

“Oh here we go again, I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought you might be seeing some sense at last. I am not sitting around listening to you blaming me for your shortcomings. I am going out for a few hours, use the time to sort yourself out. I will be back when I am back.”

“What on earth just happened? That was nonsense.”

“Made perfect sense to me. Bye.”



  1. Talking to a regular guy will proceed in this way, too. It seems like denial is the go-to strategy, no matter who is being asked. The difference in my experience is that in the end a regular person will concede to what you are saying, recognize it and you can reach a compromise or apologize, depending on what the couple decides. I’m all about moderation. Porn itself isn’t an issue, but it becomes an issue when your mate can’t get it up, or they are running through your funds and unable to pay rent, like my friend’s exnarc. He would go through thousands of dollars paying webcam models. Unbelievable.

  2. The porn thing.. Hilariously (maybe not to some but I’m somewhat of a jerk) is that there is software you can put on your “partners” devices to alert you or an “accountability buddy” when they access porn! It is all over Facebook—all these “religious” people tout its “life saving” aspects and of course there are random smart asses snickering and commenting.. They even have a super hero cartoon promoting it! I almost peed my pants watching it. Funny aside though—I guarantee there are tons of baffled women signing up their husbands and I can only hope they make it here. Sooner than later. It’s called Covenant Eyes if you are inclined to be amused. If not brush aside but I still think a “panic alarm” is sidesplitting. It’s an ongoing joke at work because it’s such an inappropriate atmosphere. I’ll grow up tomorrow!

  3. and to a logical person, they would not find this humorous or confusing,,,logic always prevails that conversation wouldn’t do well with me..sure ok projection through your comments eh, that’ won’t work..round of applause to somebody who clearly knows he’s lying .

  4. Thank you for posting that. Had similar. The worse was that it was my fault that he was on a dating site the day I had a double mastectomy. Obvs Im well done with him. I feel very sad that narcs never get to let go and really enjoy being loved. I wish you well

  5. Dearest HG: I have a question, and I do not know where to ask you, so I will try here: I remember reading somewhere you mentioned: low cognitive function. It reminds me of magical thinking, but I am not sure if they are similar, or if low cognitive function is permanent and magical thinking is a product of episodes of mania and/or high levels of emotional thinking, afterwhich, the magical thinking goes away?. Do both Narcissists and empaths have moments of low cognitive function? Or, does low cognitive function mean low intelligence? And what is magical thinking? Also, I have question on this post: This article brought gaslighting to mind, and I wonder why gaslighting is effective. I was gaslighted only twice by the midranger. The first time, I gave him a pass, although I was disappointed in the occurrence. The second time, I realized for sure that he pulled a shenanigan. But, I never asked him about it, nor showed him how the shenanigan had failed, after I looked into it: I was on this site at the time, and knew not to bother. And I made my full decision to disengage, afterwards.

    1. Low cognitive function and magical thinking are separate matters.
      Narcissists and empaths can both have low cognitive function.
      Narcissists have magical thinking.

      1. Dearest HG: Thank you. What is magical thinking? And is there something that empaths do that is similar, or that is mistaken for magical thinking?

        1. The narcissist thinking that every person fancies her. The narcissist believing that they are good friends with someone famous.

        2. PrincessSuperEmpath
          One of my narcissists claimed she knew Todd English (celebrity chef) and spoke about him as if they were good friends. At the time, I was very baffled by her claim.

          1. K. It was not true? Magical Thinking. K I realized that a male friend of mine is a Narcissist. I knew he was odd, but it was only today that I realized he is a Narc. Upper Mid Ranger I have known him since University days, and wondered a lot about his ways. And, his best friend is even a bigger Narc. They competed with each other about everything. They do not really like each other, but have a male long “friendship.“ The friend does not like me, because I would not date him in those days, and he could not believe it. It was so minor a thing. Not really personal. Yet he was upset. He was a club person and I was not. That was just about it. A definite somatic narc. A poser. Now, successful. With magical thinking. I was insulted that he was upset that I would not date him. It made no sense to me. Plus, if it did not work out, he was a friend of my friend, and I did not want the breach. Now, I know: No boundaries. Plus, he felt Everyone fancies him. Unbelievable!

          2. PrincessSuperEmpath
            She did not know Todd English but spoke as if they were friends and she frequently used his first name in conversations, which led people to think that she knew him personally.

            My narcissists do not always “like” their NPD friends and often talk trash about each other behind their backs. One minute they hate each other than the next they appear to be thick as thieves. It is all about the Prime Aims even when it is N v N. Everyone is an opponent from their POV.

            Re: the somatic friend, in his world, your rejection wasn’t minor; it was probably challenge fuel/wounding and it looks like he painted you black and he may have even smeared you to your friend. Ha ha ha…how dare you assert a boundary! It didn’t make sense then but it does now. They really do think they are better looking, smarter, funnier and cooler than everyone else. Such magical thinkers.

          3. K. The friend thought that he was the coolest being ever. He always had the latests this or that, went to the latest this or that, dressed in the latest this or that. but, he was dull. I liked when I went out sometimes with my friend and with the somatic person, because he put on a show in a way. He knew everyone, etc, but one could spot him coming a mile away, when he was social climbing. But, I had absolutley no desire to be in his company alone. So, I do not think he had the skills of a greater. And the people he really wanted to be with could spot him, but he never gave up. The last I heard, he is in London now, with a girlfriend that is a model, is doing well financially and is still a big dull sulk and coward. My friend and I use to joke about him in University. I had no malice in the joking–I did not dislike the somatic at all, but maybe my friend did, I know now. I would ask my friend, why do you keep seeing him, if he irritates you so much. My friend would say, oh, for this reason or for that reason. I can not even remember the blurry reasons. We would joke about the somatic in a sort of game we played, and we would say things like : if he had a mansion, he would rather have an Abbey, if he had a girlfriend from Germany he would be upset that she was not from France. If he married a Royal, at his own wedding he would see her cousin, and think, I am marrying the wrong one. If he received a knighthood, he would be upset he was not King, and if he were King, he would be upset he was not the Creator. We played this game all the time, about the somatic. lol

  6. You son of a bitch hg…lmao that scenario actually happened to my aunt she was married to a narc she is divorced now from him and he is remarried to another i.p.p.s. she actually went to dr and got prescribed prozac because she always was mad at him about something but she realized 25 yrs later what she was entangled with very sad

  7. Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    This post reminds me how well you live without a narcissist. These absurd discussions without end, only for the obtaining and supply of fuels. Okay, okay are your need.
    But they are so exhausting. UFFFFFFFFFFF tired.
    That rest, to live calmly and without problems, discussions. Peace and peace of mind.
    Rational thinking must crush and exterminate emotional thinking the true enemy of the empathic.
    It’s all in your head
    and that’s a great narcissistic truth.

      1. Claire: I just space out with that sort of thing. It used to bother me that I felt exhausted trying to keep up when people did this sort of thing, and my mind sort of glazed over. Now, I have no worries. I`m good. Even when someone did this in a group conversation, I would take a time out and go to the rest room and powder my nose. I never asked, if I`d miss anything, when I returned.

          1. Claire. I am a red wine person. Although, hanging around HG Tudor, so to speak, is inspiring me to check out some wine tastings. Investigate my palate. These Greater Elite Narcissists do influence a person. It1s Unbelievable.

          2. It’s funny how my appetite for alcohol is almost gone not living daily with a behaviorally foul narcissist! When I have had a drink it’s like “dessert” so it’s totally different. I do enjoy sampling though! I swear I am almost driven to get out and walk—go places, etc. I’ve had beer in my refrigerator for like 3-4 months! I’m not sure it’s even good to drink now. That is improvement.

          3. Claire. Wow! I used to buy a small bottle for myself for the weekends. Now that I have been away from work, going on at least 4 or more weeks now, I may have bought only 2 in total. Wow. I had not really thought about it, until I read your post. I guess a little liquor helps out when dealing with it all. Unbelievable.

          4. Yep! I just don’t want it. I did drink a milkshake after working out yesterday though—useless logic but I’m not passed out on a couch!

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