Is He A Narcissist?
Is he or she a narcissist?
The information says yes, so why do you keep doubting it and how can you conquer this?
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66 thoughts on “Is He A Narcissist?”
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Hg, below you said,
“You do not however have to learn how to trust people, avoid the wrong people to start and trust does not become an issue”.
How does this work in a practical sense?
Avoiding the wrong person can sometimes take time as I will usually trust first. There comes a time when there’s evidence that shows otherwise. My partner chooses to reserve their judgement for a latter date and comes across more closed.
The YouTube Video explains it.
When I first listened to the utube presentation I was thinking about my business dealings. I have a small investment portfolio that has run smoothy for a decent time but since 13months ago, I now have cold feet. I encountered and was painted black by a narc, who consequently did not honour a loan contract. I have since questioned whether my judge of character is somewhat obscure (I do recall my gut instinct at the time telling me to do more research on this person).
Am I right to conclude, if in doubt, consult a narc detector test in future? Maybe I could ask them about their childhood and see how they answer before signing my name on any deed in-future! 🤣
Yes, due diligence is always sensible as this applies logic rather than emotional thinking.
I just listened to it. I’m back in serious mode at this hour and it was excellent. The lion/bunny thing is my thinking. I don’t doubt the narcissism but my continued engagement feels like the bunny lion crap. That it won’t hurt me if I engage for the “sake of the kids” because it “won’t hurt that bad..” I can take the arrogance and stinging comments etc—but it impacts me.
Oh yeah, I liked this one.. Well done.. 🦁
Amazing Hg, brilliant to reinforce the message whilst I’m cleaning my home.
I love the audios.
Kiki
You’ve missed a bit over by the bay window.
Hi HG
Just listened to this on out loud whilst cleaning my house. Wow so true you just described me but thanks to you my logical thinking is now getting much stronger and I’m comfortable with no contact real no contact.
I no longer doubt he is a narc and I feel emotionally safer and steadier being here
Thank you
Kiki
Kiki, to your point that you “feel emotionally safer and steadier being here.”
I agree. This is a “safe space,” and probably the only real safe space maintained by a narc!
The timing on this could not have been more relevant in my life.
Narcissist the Second appeared at my workplace yesterday, probably around the time this was posted. (Are you actually omniscient HG?) I was half expecting it because I knew I’d be entering the sixth sphere of influence and assumed he’d draw me into his second sphere.
I managed to follow your advice and turn and walk away but my ET is really on the attack since seeing him.
We see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear, and believe what we want to believe, be it staying ensnared or getting out. Either way – the harsh reality is that it’s still our choice and not left up to someone else. They have no magic dust or spell to cast, that allows it. Believing that is a choice also.
HG
I usually prefer your written work, but I have a new appreciation lately for the audios as it allows me to listen and learn while physically engaged with other things. Thank you for the choices offered in the delivery of information. I especially enjoyed this one and the examples given.
You are welcome. There will be more written work, but it recording allows me to get new material out faster and also so you can listen to me whilst you do the cleaning!
… or doing something else..
#Hush
Hi NA, Wen you said “I have a new appreciation lately for the audios as it allows me to listen and learn while physically engaged with other things” Given your previous humor, I immediately smiled at what might be your reply if this comment was written by someone else, ”Does he object to the headphones while you are physically engaged?” Hehehe
FYC
I almost replied to HG that I found it strange he referred to sex as cleaning rather than chores but decided against it. Haha, no headphones – Bose surround sound (the vibration is delicious).
NA, hahaha. Now that sounds more like you! Thanks for the laugh 😉
NarcAngel & FYC,
It WAS awesome…but I found it a bit..er…anticlimactic without the “Blimey!”..
Narc Angel: I only knew his audio…it took me a while to get used to the reading once I finally clicked on the Narcsite link, but now I get the bonus of the people thinking all their deep thoughts on here, as well. I have being going to sleep looping HG Tudor tapes on Youtube for months now. My emotional thinking adores his voice.
Spot on about the “harsh reality,” NarcAngel.
That reality really does feel harsh, especially at the very beginning, when you finally become aware and start to learn.
As time goes on, the more that HG’s work sinks in, the more responsibility I take, and the better I feel (and think).
In “seizing the power,” reality starts to feel quite delicious!
I particularly enjoyed listening to this video, HG – very informative and helpful, entertaining plus your energy is contagious. Thank you.
Thank you.
HG: “imagine you’re in a room with me and a lion”
Bruh! I’d be safer alone with the lion
Maybe, but it would be less fun.
Dear Mr Tudor,
https://youtu.be/SnXtuktNdlM
Your passionate message n deliverance was brilliant
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Love this! The energy and oomph in your voice, telling us how it is. And there’s no doubt, he IS a Narcissist. The rabbit/lion story was lovely to listen to – did you have to spoil it?! :/
I’ve been feeling like I’m constantly at the funeral of a dear loved one for months. The sadness, the lump in the throat, the held-back tears, the paranoia of attention from so many pairs of eyes. It is only now that I realise the funeral is mine.
What if a Narcissist found out (or was told directly by the Empath via letter before-hand) that they were the cause of someone’s incredible illness or death? And were told to think about the prime feelings they themselves then had, regarding that, so that they could determine whether or not something was ‘off’ with them when they finally knew they felt nothing.
Does anyone know of someone who has been hospitalised or died from traumatic abuse, over a long period of time?
I have been ensnared by a narcissist. You know what this means. HG’s work describes the suffering of an empath ensnared by a narcissist very well. I did not know that he was a narcissist. I knew nothing about narcissists. After months of suffering on my own (almost losing my head), talking to friends and going to therapy, my therapist (a good one but without the experience of having been ensnared by a narcissist and its wild consequences for the victim) mentioned the word “narcissism”. I googled and found different sites with information. Initially, I only paid attention to those providing from psychology or psychiatry sources. At that time (October/November 2018) I thought that they were ok and started to think that he was a narcissist because he met some “official” parameters, but no one was analysing in depth the effects on the victim due to the narc dynamic (which to me appears to be unknown in official sources). One day, I do not remember how, I found Narcsite.com. I could not believe that this man, HG, defining himself as a narcissist, was actually describing me and him in his articles. I could recognise myself and lots of my own situations, reactions and feelings in his words. At last, someone who could truly understand. I spent hours and hours reading and listening to HG’s work. It took me some time to get familiar with all the concepts used by him. One day, in December 2018, reading the article “In the end, it has to hurt”, I reached two conclusions: (i) I was 90% sure he was a narcissist (I daily apply logic thinking in my profession and it was very difficult, in light of HG’s work, to deny it in this case allowing my ET to flow); and (ii) because the particularities of my case (known today by HG), it was worth to book the narc-detector and a consultation with HG to confirm. I did it in January this year.
As explained in this video, HG confirmed that he is a narcissist (elite upper UMR) and provided me with the reasons and detailed explanation and insight of why he is a narcissist (school and cadre). I was overwhelmed by the details he provided me with. Since that day, I ACCEPTED the truth. Since then, I have never allowed my ET to make me doubt about it (I am trying to understand and obtain insight regarding his own dynamic vis-à-vis me, but I have never doubted that he is a narcissist). I encourage those of you that have doubts about whether he or she in your life is a narcissist to consult with him and to be strong to face the outcome of the consultation. One of the best decisions ever for the sake of my health and well-being. After listening to his answer to my narc-detector consultation I felt relieved. I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believed that there was a way out. I had a difficult way (an ocean, using HG’s words) ahead to heal (not over yet), but at least I knew who he is and that the chaos I was living had nothing to do with me but with his need to control me. I had the firm conviction after HG confirming that he is a narcissist that the relationship with him could not be a successful and healthy one, irrespective of my feelings for him. So, once you know, you go.
Due to certain circumstances not relevant for the purposes of this comment, I have the evidence that all what HG detailed to me regarding my elite Upper MRN and me being his IPPS (now former) is true and extremely accurate. It is not that I doubted it or that I had the need to double-check HG’s conclusions. Not at all. It just happened this way. After listening to this video, I thought I would share my experience with you in case you are doubting about the relevance that HG’s advice will have on your particular case and the effect of applying logic thinking. Now there are minutes in my day where I do not care about him anymore and it feels really good. I hope that in the future these minutes will become hours, days, weeks, months…
Thanks, HG.
You are most welcome.
“I concur with regard to trusting your own judgement. You do not however have to learn how to trust people, avoid the wrong people to start and trust does not become an issue.”
Maybe I’m being nitpicky and we’re on the same page really, not just literally (boom ching!). But if you cannot trust your own judgement you have trust issues. Fulstop. It’s as simple as that. I have to say however that I’m plagued by self doubt in all sorts of areas of my life; my inner voice is constantly berating me for not being good enough. Well it used to. This has improved a lot. I am / used to be more on the co-dependent end of the spectrum, now not anymore.
Trust is a major issue generally for relationship dependency. You don’t realise though, you think you trust when you don’t. I found it quite fascinating to learn. It’s a bit like MRnarcs don’t know they need fuel whereas greaters do (except MR can never consciously ‘feel’ it’s fuel they need) , there comes a point in your development as empathic (serial offender) when you realise that you cannot trust the right people enough. You think you do but you can’t. You can trust narcs, not normals. This is because you need to torpedo the normal relationship. If you did not need to torpedo it, you could trust. Again: this is not true for people who run into a narc once. Only for people who have a long series of narcs in their bio. This is why you need to learn to trust (understand that you don’t) AND be able to tell who is a narcissist. As long as you don’t manage the trust issues you will override your judgement because you want to trust the narc instead. Make sense?
This recording, for me, as an awakened serial offender (having more than one narcissist in my relationship bio) is one of the best pieces of info here on the narcissistic dynamic. Thank you, HG!
tldr: I follow a simple rule now: If gut says no, and head yes, it means no. If gut says yes and head no, it means no. If gut and head both say no, it stays no. If both they yes, it means yes, we’ll stay engaged with the person we like, until, see above. Seems also very logical to me.
But the problem is, it’s not quite as simple as that. The problem is, if one of us says “yes please!” and the other “I don’t know”. And they like doing that. How do I go about teaching them clear nos and yeses.
—–And here the long read — 🙂
katebd19:
your comment resonates with me a lot. I have (like many) a somewhat similar story, have similar questions and perhaps some answers – and I have drawn them from HGs recording. Here goes.
“I knew nothing about narcissists.”
Me neither, just the stuff “everyone knows”.
“..my therapist (a good one….) mentioned the word “narcissism”. I googled and found different sites with information. Initially, I only paid attention to those providing from psychology or psychiatry sources. At that time (October/November 2018) I thought that they were ok.”
Me too. Except my therapist told me not to google this kind of stuff because it wouldn’t help me. (She was right there). She explicitly said if you could stop googling/reading we might be a lot further. However, as a “truth seeker” (and I am also a researcher by profession) I couldn’t help myself and kept googling.
“One day, I do not remember how, I found Narcsite.com. I could not believe that this man, HG, defining himself as a narcissist, was actually describing me and him in his articles. I could recognise myself and lots of my own situations, reactions and feelings in his words. At last, someone who could truly understand. I spent hours and hours reading and listening to HG’s work.”
Me too.
“I daily apply logic thinking in my profession and it was very difficult, in light of HG’s work, to deny [that he was a narcissist] in this case allowing my ET to flow)”
Me too. I didn’t take the Narc Detector (I was convinced by the texts alone and I had no reason to doubt my therapist on this either) but I too “was overwhelmed by the details” of his insight he provided me with.
Because of HG, like you, “I ACCEPTED the truth.” Especially the one that he couldn’t change even though he claimed he wanted to.
So: I could leave the (U?)MR. This was in early November. A really “great” guy, family doctor, interested in the arts and philosophy, into nature etc etc you name it and we REALLY shared those interests which is why I still pine for the good times we had. It’s getting better. And I still keep looking at narc.com which I take as a sign of being addicted to him (the ex-narc) still. I just can’t stop looking at this website even though I don’t really want to anymore, because really: I’ve got the message.
And related to this: Since discovering HGs work I have been struggling to understand why I could take it from HG, but not myself and the therapist who really is a good one.
An explanation along the lines of ‘his stuff is just the best out there’ is too simple in my eyes – even if/though it is. But there is also something not quite right with the view that a therapist must have “the experience of having been ensnared by a narcissist and its wild consequences for the victim”.
Good therapists (and you say yours is good – which is one of the reasons why I am drawn to your comment) have tonnes of empathy and they HAVE seen the consequences of the narcissistic dynamic (a phrase also my analyst uses) – they see it daily. They also know it is ubiquitous. Mine told me when questions of self-worth play a role it unvariably unfolds. And we know from HG also that this is what narcissists do: they sustain their sense of self-worth by claiming superiority at your expense.
The question for me is what is different about HGs approach that he reached me on a different level, one where I could listen and CHOOSE to ACCEPT.
I saw many of the flags (as in: “I should probably not get involved further”). And whatever I did not see was pointed out to me in therapy, yet I still CHOSE to override it.
My therapist also said all the right things when I was getting to know the MR, for example: “I would distance myself very quickly from a man who speaks like this” (check: the ex club rules).
And this is actually blunt coming from a psychoanalyst – because they usually do not interfere in the sense that they tell you what to do or not to do. Psychoanalysis is about working out why you REALLY do what you do (rather than lie to yourself about it) so that you can decide yourself to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing that is bad for you. It is about realising why you override your instinct e.g. by allowing self-doubt to creep in, why you do not interpret your own feelings the right way (and without self-doubt) so that you can make good relationship choices in the present and future.
And anyone who has read until here, please forget all the crap about psychoanalysis that is out there (mostly stereotypical preconceptions) because it is just as rubbish as most info on narcissism.
People who are drawn to narcissists make bad choices in picking the person they want to fall in love with. They keep doing it again and again (as explained also by HG), and at the root of this is self-doubt and a lack of trust. A lack of trust in your own gut instinct, and instinct that is usually quite good (something HG also confirms).
To become and stay a serial offender you MUST distrust yourself – and others – so you CAN keep falling into the trap that is the narcissistic dynamic.
My therapist told me this (her words) and many more things that I have found on HGs site. The point I am trying to make is that HGs info reached me. Why though?
I usually trust the wrong people (a particular brand of narcissist) very quickly. And the right ones (myself for example, or the good therapist) I do not trust enough.
The paradox is maddening. I can trust HG, the narcissist, because he is open about it, he is also spot on, and it is HIS language that will reach me because I WANT narcissism. I want it. Obviously not consciously or deliberately and I honestly don’t like it, but I am drawn to it like a moth to the flame. It is the narcissism that oozes from this site, that I still want, and I am thankful it won’t burn me. But I keep returning, and thus I also sustain my addiction to narcissism.
So: It is this issue here, that has been nagging me too:
“Since then, I have never allowed my ET to make me doubt about it (I am trying to understand and obtain insight regarding his own dynamic vis-à-vis me, but I have never doubted that he is a narcissist).”
ET – and I am glad this was spelt out without further ado in HGs recording – is another word for “relationship addiction”, and it is incredibly hard to accept that one is afflicted by it. It’s nothing that is codified in one of the professional manuals either. It is also incredibly hard to get rid of because we have to have relationships like we have to eat and sleep. ET is not really the opposite of logical thinking, because I for example, am a very logical person. I use logic to sustain ET (e.g. ‘but you don’t have all the facts etc…..’). ET is the opposite of self-trust.
My solution is to continue with psychoanalysis until I have really learnt selftrust and choosing and knowing the right people to trust.
I would love to read more about HG s therapy. Isn’t there a recent shift that one of the doctors turned out to be a narcisisst?
Because it really is not a good idea to have a narcissist as a therapist guiding one to learn self trust or anything else really. Because a narcissist-therapist will need you to depend on him/her (for fuel not money), meaning you cannot ever make progress or become independent of their guidance. This blog has helped me tremendously though to see that mine isn’t a narcissist but knows a hell of a lot about narcissism. That she is actually very competent at what she does.
And for the time being I remain grateful to HG for keeping me in a safe loop as long as I need it.
Best, LC
You are welcome.
Great comments, LC. I will only address one: “I keep returning, and thus I also sustain my addiction to narcissism.”
I keep returning because I am still “addicted” to my narc, because I can’t quite let go of what I thought was once reality.
I keep returning when I feel especially vulnerable.
I keep returning in order to immunize myself against any further narcissism in my life.
But the MAIN reason I keep returning: Because HG is helping me train myself to really trust my gut. HG basically confesses to ALL the things of which I accused my Narc Ex, all the things I knew the WHOLE time, all the things which were never verified by Narc Ex.
Narc Ex lied. HG does not.
I keep returning because I LOVE the TRUTH!
And now I’d much rather be a Truth Devotee than a Love Devotee.
Less Confused. Therapy and coaching from a Narcissist can be very beneficial, such as all that H.G. Tudor does that has benefited so very many men and women, especially when the Narcissist in discussion takes great Pride in the Quality and Accuracy of his work that is providing such beneficial results for his readers/subscribers/clients. H.G. is a Greater Elite Narcissist that finds it beneficial for his needs to provide the absolute best advice on the planet on this topic. So, it is not the case that a Narcissist can not assist an entangled or ensnared person, rather it is the case that the wrong Narcissist can not assist. You found the best Narcissist on this topic who great takes pride in his work that benefits us so much. Congratulations!
Hi PSE, where did I say that HG couldn’t assist and wasn’t helpful? Selective reading? He is NOT a therapist though. Coaching is not therapy. There is a huge difference. While I agree that a consult with HG might beat years of therapy with the wrong therapist, I doubt that he can help with underlying issues such as trust issues, because this needs time to learn and is best done in a face to face setting. Most people have their very specific backgrounds why they developed their attraction to narcissistic settings and you need to know a bit more about the workings of the psyche to unravel these. We’re people not machines. (Apart from that I don’t like the “best on the planet” lingo, that’s gurufication – narctopia lingo – but that’s just my opinion.) What works for me is a very good therapist and checking this site if I feel like it, the combination. People need to figure out what works best for them, but yeah : HG is not a therapist. A very good and effective coach, yes.
You do not need to address trust issues, you need to avoid narcissists. This is explained in a YouTube video which should be available today or tomorrow.
“you do not need to address trust issues, you need to avoid narcissists.” Don’t quite agree.
To avoid narcissists you need to know them, yes, and you need to learn to trust. Your own judgement, the right people. Falling for narcissism cannot be avoided by knowing them alone, my case proves this…. I’m talking more serious serial offenders here. I am aware that there are people for whom narc s are a one off thing
I concur with regard to trusting your own judgement. You do not however have to learn how to trust people, avoid the wrong people to start and trust does not become an issue.
Less Confused. Good day. Therapists and Psychiatrists and other Practitioners in the field consult with HG Tudor, study his works to learn, and admit publicly that they do so, as you probably know. They use his technical terms, and admire the incredible depth of knowledge that he brought and still brings forward to the field, that has opened the doors of this pathology to the benefit of their own careers and ability to offer substantive treatment to their own clients, as well as refer their own clients to him. ~~~~~I apologize if I selectively read or misunderstand your post, but I did read all of it. And I stand by my statement that he is the Best. I do not give such praise lightly, especially on such a serious matter as someone`s mental and psychological and physical safety, including my own well-being. I may have sounded overly exuberant, but I was not being irrational. I am glad that you are here, and, I wish you all success in your growth, going forward. HG has helped me so much and I feel so much better, that I may have to tone my happiness about this at some point. I was literally at deaths door, before I found my way on here. The battle may be forever in the background, but I believe I will prevail now.
A therapist is generally a waste of time if you have a pattern/track record like mine. I disagree. Therapy is akin to frittering away my interests at this juncture and many others and I also went while with my spouse and almost lost my mind. Oh—I went to the decorated best of course. Useless. I just inquired about a post masters academic track yesterday and hilariously I could do this program and actually complete it and hang up a sign and be legally/ethically qualified to provide and bill for therapy. I’m very good at my current job—certainly I will be snatched up promptly and have a ton of clients. (Not trying to be arrogant—it is what it is) I could say I specialize in treating hoarding and be sent all hoarders and not know a damn real thing other than a Wikipedia explanation. I wouldn’t dream of pretending to be a guru and buy into my own bullshit. Therapists are generally soundboards and that’s it.
@PSE
“~I apologize if I selectively read or misunderstand your post, but I did read all of it.”
No offence taken.
I really honestly value HGs work. Totally. And that it saved your life when you were at death’s door I didn’t know but I can believe it. If you perhaps feel my posts belittle your experience then perhaps it’s just a misunderstanding. Btw I was 16 when I met my first narc boyfriend. I barely survived the experience. If this info here had been available to me at the time my relationship bio would have developed differently I’m sure! My point is not that his info isn’t valid or therapeutic. I for myself know that reading this stuff here is not enough to make me relationship-independent but it has definitely supported me on the way. All the best to you at any rate.
@Claire
“… and hilariously I could do this program and actually complete it and hang up a sign and be legally/ethically qualified to provide and bill for therapy. ”
That’s interesting, thanks for this insight. This actually explains a lot ! I was totally bewildered why so many people here post about never wanting to set foot into a therapist’s office ever again after having found this site.
I hadn’t considered that health systems differ considerably.
Where I am based (Germany) the kind of thing you describe can’t happen within the state health system. The term coach is not protected, anyone can call themselves that (before anyone gets upset, I’m not saying there aren’t good coaches).
“Psychotherapist” is protected and you need a full masters in psychology (5yrs) plus training as a therapist (2+x yrs) depending on your area of expertise.
To be able to bill within the state health system the regulations are very strict and you do need to know your stuff to earn a licence.
At the same time there are also a lot of charlatans within and outside – as there are in any profession, because people will be people.
Psychoanalysis, at least the kind I’m doing (it also varies hugely from country to country), means that your analyst has a full masters (5 yrs) degree in psychology, plus the training as psychoanalyst. It includes several years on the couch. The training is tough.
As far as I am aware it is only psychoanalysts that have to complete a therapy themselves (several years, often longer than their patients) before being let loose on clients. In my eyes this is a very good thing.
Ok so after reading your comment Claire I’m kind of relieved and upset at the same time. It does explain why people tend to not get anywhere with their therapies. Wish it were different.
I also know that I myself have been very lucky. I also know though that sometimes it takes a while to have found the right match. If anyone is thinking about looking into therapy I would always recommend psychoanalysis first (obviously it doesn’t work for everyone ).
Just an afterthought : it is not surprising that the best research on the subject of how narcissism develops in early infancy (actually prenatally in some cases) is from psychoanalysts.
They discovered and described narcissism in the first place, they are the ones who have the best insight into treatment plans. Applying HGs terminology, Freud was a greater narcissist.
Dear LC: Thank you for your response! In fact, I am glad we talked. I have been entangled for over 3 years. I felt as if I were walking through mud, or quicksand, or heavy snow, or against a riptide. I was so very extremely exhausted. I found HG Tudor last December. And I know myself pretty well. And if anyone would have told me that by April I would be able to smile or laugh again, and just go for a walk or shopping without doing so out of necessity, I would not have believed it. The side of me that wanted to feed better is so happy to be unlocked that it has swamped my emotional thinking and has overwhelmed my logical thinking to not be sensitive to others, but to just enjoy being able to feel better. How quickly we forget, as the saying goes! Now, I have reminded myself that we all are not on the same page of feeling good or bad, as we seek to grow, and I need to be more sensitive, especially if I have not spoken to a person on here. It is a privilege for me to be here, and not a right. It may not always be so assessable to be on here, nor to so easily be able to interact with H.G. Tudor. I say this, as I watch so many injured people and so many professionals and radio personalities make requests for their own respective interactions with H.G. Tudor, according to his available schedule. Plus, these days, the community of mental practitioners are practically in an unanimus concensus that everyone, even normal people on the spectrum, have various degrees of narcissistic traits. So they seek him out also, because they believe if they can learn from the Master of the Extreme end of the spectrum, it will help them succeed more with all of their clients. So, I am glad that at this current time he is so accessible, and I do not want to get in the way of anyone`s growth and journey, nor offend anyone. I hope to see you posting, and I wish you great growth as well. PSE
Less Confused. I live in the United States in NYC. I live in what could be called a psychotic city. And there is a plethora of Psychologists and Sociologist and Social workers for so many people that have problems that have nothing to do with those professions. These people need available jobs with living wages and housing, but end up with these practitioners. There are less Psychiatrists, because of the intense schooling and costs, but because of the way the health care system works, for some reason, these Psychiatrists are mostly drug dispensers. As ar as psychoanalysis goes. It came and then went out of vogue. It is still very expensive and as you can understand, the people that could probably benefit from it can not afford it, and those that can afford, basically do not need it. And this is the case if one believes that psychoanalysis works. I am not a fan of it. I do not believe it works for those that do not need it, and not overly much for those that do. Also, the stigma involved is still in full force. And many are cautious also because with the debate over the computerization of health care records, that can also impact on employment and gun carry rights and credit scores, etc. many will not go for treatment that think of doing so. And after all this, one has to think of going, first as a solution, and then navigate what type of practitioner they really need, if they even know exactly what their problem is. I did not really understand what I was suffering from, and pushed around with some questions on the internet. And that is only probably because I went to a research oriented University to even think to do that. So, I am happy to be where I am, and I am actually at the forefront of learning about a topic that I find explains a lot of people throughout my entire life, and I was not even looking for all that. Hence my great enthusiasm and respect for H.G. Tudor. And, I am exponentially better.
HG, this one was brilliant. You are so right. It’s easy to grasp onto the smallest hope to keep from dealing with the loss of a narc. But just like the fable of the frog and the scorpion, your point is well taken. Thank you for doing more audio posts lately!
Thank you for this excellent recording. I have been doing exactly what you have said and it has helped me recover out of anger and resentments. I have completely moved on and I am grateful to you for that.
I love your lion analogy. I remember seeing a viral video years ago which bothered me so much. It was from an Asian country where somebody recorded a video of a snake performer who got bit by the cobra that she was singing and dancing to on stage and it showed that she still carried on with her performance until she started having a seizure from the venom on the stage. She was a single mom and that was her way of making a loving for her child. They said that the trainer of the cobra told her that he removed the venom which he regularly does. So she trusted him that even though the cobra had bitten her, there was no venom so she didn’t ask for an anti-venom and just continued performing on stage. I was so angry with that and was thinking is it worth risking your life and the future of your child over someone’s words? Your analogy was so spot on. When we listen to our emotional thinking and charm that cobra or lion, we are gambling with our lives and also with the lives of the people who depend on us and care about us. That woman is already dead and she can’t go back to the cobra trainer and hold him accountable for lying to her because she’s dead. She will never get her life back and her son is now an orphan.
Indeed and you are welcome.
HG I’m loving these videos lately, it really helps me to hear your intonation and emphatic way of drilling these things into our heads!
I’m going to try and adopt your way of viewing ET as a sort of separate being. Like it’s not part of me, it’s something I can cast out, or push away, out of myself when it’s causing me harm.
HG approves.
Why do people you classify as “normal” seem
less troubled by emotional thinking? Or do they suffer the same degree of it but are less frequently targeted for other reasons?
They have emotional thinking also but it is not as ‘rampant’ when it comes to narcissists because they do not have an addiction to the narcissist to the same extent that an empath has.
HG, what causes ET? I don’t mean what it is triggered by.
The addiction.
Driving you nuts maybe but why would someone (me and many) have such a thing as an addiction?! It’s insane.
I am so lost. I think I must be a hybrid of some sort.
HG : ah ok, I’ve come to regard ET as synonymous with “relationship addiction” (not a term used in any of the psych manuals but some literature exists).
@Claire: probably similar reason why narcissists need fuel. They are addicted to consuming fuel we provide, we to providing it. Vice versa applies as well. It only usually works with a lot of self deception involved. Both on the parts of the narcissist (Lesser and midrange) and empath. If you were self aware it wouldn’t be so easy. Once you are aware it is still hard work because unlike an alcoholic you can’t stay away from people like you can from a bottle. While you interact with people, ET clouds your judgement. Knowing narcissists alone is not enough because ET lets you override the judgment you usually have. Some override it fastest some less fast . That’s why you must learn self trust. And understand that you don’t if you think you do. Am repeating myself here, I know…..
I’ll stick to that point unless HG or anyone convinces me otherwise….
Super Novs DE
How are you? I know this months old but I don’t come here as often anymore. Are yoj still dealing with Nary Narc?
Hey Lori,
I’m doing really well. I’ve had some hoovers (mostly indirect, one direct through email), but nothing major. I’m so busy these days he doesn’t cross my mind hardly at all, which is nice.
How about you? Still on the shelf? Or NC?
Hello, H.G.Tudor.
I loved the examples of the lion… especially when you say put your head in the lion’s mouth. I laughed a lot. Very funny and very instructive as always.
I am pleased you found it both entertaining and instructive.
It is really hard after breaking no contact, feels like going without some drug you have been addicted to.
I kept giving him «chances», doubting my insight and all that I had learned, just to find that I was treated just the same. He kept me on a loop of hoovering, being nice, taking me out, even giving me money, and then suddenly switched to act indifferent, doling out scilent treatments, and not interested in meeting me (or in having sex)- even blocking me from time to time. He was also smearing me, because I kept calling or asking why. Guess I really proved to be the «crazy ex».
Was I then «reduced» to a secondary source, or was this treatment to punish me for my escape, trying to regain his control? Does the former IPPS get a Worse treatment in / after the hoovering process or is this how he probably treats all his «sources»?
(I mean, it is really hard to REGAIN no contact after breaking it)
It is but not impossible
If you were the IPPS, you forever remain the Former IPPS (unless you become the IPPS again).
The Former IPPS can be treated benignly or malignly dependent on a variety of factors which determine whether you are painted white or black.
So insane is this game! I am so acutely aware (now). I knew after the first time (after discovering you & your knowledge) and oh, of course… I had to try it again. You know your kind and we are ‘silly’ not to listen to you.
Thank you for your honesty!
You are welcome.
Yes! And I must say… for the first time I listened to an audio version of your writings. Very impactful.