But Why Did The Narcissist Do That?
I have heard this said so many times, read about it from bewildered and perplexed people and know from experience the confusion that accompanies this question.
“But how could he do this to me after everything else? But why would he behave like this? But who would do such a thing as that? He said he loved me. I know he loved me. How does someone love someone else in such a perfect way and then act as if he does not even know them?”
I have written about how the empath likes to know everything. This is not because you are big-headed or wish to boast. You like to know everything in order to allow you to help. You need to understand a situation. It has to make sense to you. You must be able to comprehend what has happened and find some logical reason for the occurrence. This is why you spend so long trying to work us out. This is why when we are doling out the silent treatment you need to ascertain why we are doing it (I think now you understand we do it because we need to, not because there is a valid (according to your reality) reason for this behaviour). It is a natural empathic reaction. If you understand why something has happened you can then consider the ways in which it can be addressed, remedied and fixed. You want everything to be alright.
Accordingly, when our devaluation is unleashed against you it comes out of nowhere. Yesterday we held hands as we walked through the park together and kissed beneath the spreading oak. Today you have been subjected to a nasty period of name-calling and blaming. You are dumbfounded. Where on earth did that come from? In your reality it makes no sense at all. One minute every is okay,nothing changes but then suddenly we are being horrible to you. It just does not add up. It makes no sense. It gets worse.Not only does it not follow in a logical sense since our response (viewed in your reality remember) seems random, how can a person who says he loves you then batter you with his fists, lock you out of your home, sleep rape you, smash up your car, spit on you and so on? Not only is it not a normal sequence of events if you love somebody then you just do not do that, do you?
This is what makes it so difficult for you to comprehend. We have conned you into thinking that we loved you. We gave you the huge seduction and dazzled you with the golden period. We know what you perceive love to be and we gave it to you in spade loads all manufactured by Narc Inc. Our production line went into over time creating these false acts and hollow declarations of love but you fell for it. You always do. Accordingly, you were duped into thinking that we loved you so that when we begin to devalue you it flies completely in the face of what you understand to be the situation.
You will sit for hours with your close friends and recite example after example of all the wonderful things that we have said and done and then ask,
“How can he hurt me when he loves me so much?”
It is utterly perplexing. Naturally there is method in this madness. If it made sense, if there was a logical reason for this volte face you are more likely to accept it and walk away. This twisted and nonsensical logic is purposefully designed to keep you with us because:-
- You must know what has happened and make sense of it
- You want to make things right
- You want the wonderful golden period again
You are empowering us as something to fall back on. We are an investment. You have invested wisely. The Empath stocks are up another 63%.
Sell sell cell. Buy buy bye.
“Remember how people would slap the side of their television to make it work or give the washing machine a kick…” Perfect analogy.
Can we perhaps put some tinfoil on you to get better reception? j/k of course.
Any of us that has been in a marriage/relationship with a narcissist, can relate to this article and all that Mr Tudor has written. Including his videos and books .
However; this article speaks to me because of my recent history. I made him leave end of December. I knew enough at that time to know I was being used as a Primary Source since he had left his wife . But, during the silent treatments and devaluing that finally came about, again .(this was the 3rd time I had let him back into my life). Something calmly came over me and I told him I thought it would be best if he was gone come morning. He was. Of course, he went back to his wife, again. Her and I actually talk on the phone once in awhile, and one day, recently, she told me he had already went back to his second primary source and had spent the day with her. His wife doesn’t want to believe it, she prefers to beleive he only got a “massage” all day. That’s her choice.
I am here, because in my research, I have found Mr Tudor. He has been INVALUABLE in my healing process. As he states, us empaths need to know why, how and what . Because of him I am FINALLY making sense of Everything I have endured from my 2 relationships with his kind . Because of him, I finally realized that in part, I was thinking and feeling that I wasn’t enough . Something was wrong with me. And because of this, I am able to not only FIND the Road to Healingfrom the inside out, but, I have learned that I am a super Empath, and when I asked him to leave, it was the Growth I have been looking for for years. I am almost able to walk it with my head held high . Almost. The pain is still sometimes, immobilizing But, everyday I am more and more finding my way ONWARD with my new Knowledge.
Anyone who implies that he is a liar, fake, etc because he is an Narcessist and he is just bullshitting us, obviously has Never had a relationship with a Narcissist . I’m am very grateful that he is sharing his knowledge and experience with us.
Thank you. You understand.