when-narcissistscollide

What is the dynamic when a Lesser Narcissist and a Mid-Range Narcissist become entangled with one another? Briefly, the Lesser is categorised by a lower level of cognitive function, low control threshold on the ignited fury, reduced levels of charm, a narrower stable of manipulations, an often chaotic life in terms of relationships,work, addictions and finance and a greater propensity for physical violence. The Mid-Range Narcissist is passive-aggressive, with increased charm and cognitive function compared to the Lesser, less likely to use physical violence but instead rely on silent treatments and sulking, makes use of pity plays and seeks sympathy, turns to others for assistance in manipulating individuals and has a wider array of manipulations to rely on. Again, neither of these individuals know what they are nor do they recognise their kind. How do these two types of narcissist interact with one another?

As an overarching philosophy, the interaction of the Lesser and the Mid-Ranger is one of cat and mouse. Both are in the fight for fuel but have different tools to hand to achieve this. The Lesser will be the agent provocateur, with the Mid-Ranger playing the hard done to individual although he or she will unleash their passive aggressive manipulations as they fight for fuel from one another.

Within the familial narcissistic dynamic, there is no seduction between the two as a consequence of the two individuals being brought together by reason of being related. Let us take the example of two adult sisters. The Lesser will look to draw fuel from the Mid-Range narcissist by competing. The Lesser is likely to be jealous of the Mid-Range who may well be perceived as more accomplished and successful, in terms of job, quality of home, social circle and such like. The Lesser will regard this success as an inherent criticism of the Lesser which will ignite her fury. She cannot help but lash out at her sister and will do so by accusing her of having her nose stuck in the air, being Lady Muck, suggesting her achievements are not her own but those of other people and so forth. Anything in order to achieve the upper hand in the dynamic between the two. The aggression exhibited by the Lesser Sister towards the Mid-Range Sister will provide the Mid-Range Sister with fuel but the nature of the challenge will mean that she will also look to draw fuel from other people by way of pity play and seeking sympathy. Thus one can expect in the context of say a family gathering, the Lesser will feel the need to verbally attack the Mid-Ranger, often with ad hominem insults such as “You’ve put on more weight since the last time I saw you” or “I have a dress like that, it does not suit me either.”

If the Lesser makes these comments in an angry or savage fashion, the Mid-Ranger gains fuel. If the Lesser (which is less likely) states them in a fuel free way, then this will wound the Mid-Ranger who will either retreat from the Lesser with a silent treatment and/or seek sympathy fuel from non-narcissist third parties. The Mid-Ranger’s hurt response will provide fuel to the Lesser. Thus when the Mid-Ranger bleats, “Why are you always picking on me?” or “Leave me alone, why do you have to be so hateful?” the Lesser gains fuel. Should the Mid-Range respond with a silent treatment then this does not provide the Lesser Sister with fuel, so she will pursue the Mid-Ranger trying to break the silent treatment. This pursuit is likely to give the Mid-Ranger more fuel as the Lesser Sister becomes more and more annoyed and frustrated by the silence. The Mid-Range will maintain the silent treatment until she receives sufficient fuel to heal the wound and will then speak again or the Lesser, deprived of fuel and furious because of the criticism which arises from silence, is forced to seek fuel elsewhere.

If the two sisters are in isolation, any interaction will soon descend into an argument and the Mid-Ranger implementing a silent treatment in order to defend herself. The Lesser will keep goading the Mid-Ranger until she provides fuel again or will break off and storm away to lash out at somebody else, cursing the baby-like behaviour of her sister as she has her own temper tantrum.

If the two sisters are with other family members, the Mid-Ranger will first turn to them for sympathy and help in halting the attack of the Lesser. This is likely to descend into allegation counter allegation and all manner of manipulations as there is triangulation, blame-shifting, projection and such like on an industrial scale. Either the Mid-Ranger will sit in sulking silence or slink away, with the Lesser continuing to goad. If this provoking behaviour does not yield results then the Lesser sister will turn to the other members of the family for the fuel that ought to have been provided by the Mid-Range sister.

Where the two narcissists are friends, an interesting dynamic will occur. The Lesser will see the more successful Mid-Ranger as not only a fuel source but also someone who can provide residual benefits and character traits. Thus, the Lesser will be keen to seduce the Mid-Ranger as an inner circle friend.

The Mid-Ranger will see the aggression of the Lesser as useful in terms of securing this person as a Lieutenant and will aim to seduce the Lesser to become an inner circle friend who is then used for the purposes of carrying out the dirty work of the Mid-Ranger.

The Lesser, once having seduced the Mid-Ranger will look to use the passive Mid-Ranger for the purposes of borrowing money, being available when nobody else might be to go out and generally extort the Mid-Ranger’s assets. The Mid-Ranger will comply initially as part of his or her own seduction of the Lesser. It is when then Mid-Ranger expects to “cash in” on their generosity that the problems begin. The Mid-Ranger will seek to manipulate the Lesser to do things for him or her. The Lesser may do so at first but after a while, his sense of entitlement means that he expects to be given things by the Mid-Ranger and need not do anything in return. He will reject this attempt at control and do so in a manner which will give the Mid-Ranger fuel. The Mid-Ranger, pushed by his own sense of entitlement expects the Lesser to carry out his wishes, based on past favours and will react in a feigned hurtful manner to the Lesser lashing out. With both expecting the other to do something based on either entitlement and/or past investment and not gaining the required response, there will be a clash. The Lesser will demand and the Mid-Range will back off. The likely withdrawal of the Mid-Range will cause the Lesser to break off in a fury and cause a temporary cessation of the connection as he seeks out other “friends” to give him what he is entitled to, non-narcissistic ones. The Mid-Ranger, hurt by this betrayal of friendship will retreat and bemoan the selfishness of the Lesser to anybody who will listen.

They will however not discard one another because they perceive a useful need in one another. The Lesser sees the more successful Mid-Ranger as a provider of bounty, bounty to which he is entitled. The Mid-Ranger sees the Lesser as a useful blunt instrument Lieutenant, one to which he is entitled. Unfortunately for them, their sense of entitlement will lead to them clashing, not bothering with one another after a flare-up and then seeking one another out again drawn by the lure of usefulness to one another. Of course there is fuel to be gathered into the bargain but it is not as extensive as when dealing with an empathic individual and therefore it is actually the residual benefits and character traits that are the main draw between the Lesser and the Mid-Range in a social setting.

Third parties will be dragged into their fallings out. The Lesser will name call the Mid-Range and attack verbally any other party who stands up for the Mid-Ranger. The Mid-Ranger will play the hard done to party to anybody who will listen and will manipulate them into trying to build a bridge again with the annoyed Lesser.

What about the situation where a Lesser and a Mid-Range Narcissist are drawn together through work.? Again, this is an non-intimate scenario where there is a pre-existing connection between the two narcissists. Similar to the social setting described above,  the two narcissists will be looking to the other for fuel but moreover the sequestration of residual benefits. The Lesser will expect the Mid-Ranger to be doing him favours, such as lessening his workload, supporting him for promotion or a pay rise, doling out favourable work and such like since the Mid-Ranger is likely to hold a slightly superior position. The Mid-Ranger will expect to lord it over the Lesser and have him or her at the Mid-Ranger’s beck and call. Thus the Lesser will regard any failure of the Mid-Ranger to show him or her favouritism as a criticism. The Lesser’s fury will be ignited and unable to keep it under control, he will lash out at the Mid-Ranger (and others) causing disruption and potentially disciplinary action as the “hurt” Mid-Ranger goes running to HR.

If the Lesser holds the superior role in the workplace, then he will expect the Mid-Ranger to be his lackey. He will delegate considerable amounts of work to the Mid-Ranger who will consider himself being picked on and singled out. He will not dare to complain direct to the Lesser but instead will gossip to peers, complain to a different boss and potentially raise matter via a grievance. The Lesser demands subservience from the Mid-Range narcissist as part of this ideal of control and omnipotence. The Mid-Ranger, considering himself above menial activity and accountable believes he is entitled to highlight the “mean and unfair” behaviour of the Lesser Narcissist. The two will continue to churn out fuel for one another with the Lesser’s scathing attacks against the Mid-Ranger for daring to defy him and with the Mid-Ranger responding by pleading with the Lesser to leave him alone, or asking why he is insists on making his life a misery. The two of them will certainly provide something a show to other employees whilst causing consternation to those who have to work alongside them or regulate their behaviours. They will effectively fight with one another, blaming and counter-blaming neither ever being at fault and it always being the fault of the other.

In terms of tertiary source reaction, a Mid-Ranger is mainly likely to be pleasant to a Lesser tertiary source and provide positive fuel which the Lesser will accept. A Lesser however is more likely to be aggressive towards a Mid-Ranger or offend their readily offended sense of importance by pointing out that the Mid-Ranger tertiary source has done something wrong which will result in the imposition of the withdrawal of services which will in turn cause a sudden explosion from the Lesser. Any interaction will be short-lived and will either be the provision of positive fuel (Mid-Ranger to Lesser) or a burst of negative fuel (Lesser to Mid-Ranger).

Finally, what is the dynamic between a Lesser Narcissist and a Mid-Range Narcissist in the context of a romantic relationship? The Lesser, being the least cognitive able, may well seek to seduce a Mid-Range Narcissist. The Mid-Range will evidence some charm towards the Lesser which will certainly appeal to the Lesser who will press the seduction in order to try and secure the Mid-Range. The Mid-Range however is likely to regard the Lesser as not fulfilling the requisite empathic traits. Whilst the Mid-Ranger is not aware of specifically what he or she wants, he does have an instinctive awareness of the traits in a prospective romantic partner which make him feel “better”. These will be absent in the Lesser because not only are the empathic traits absent, the Lesser lacks the cunning and guile (and the energy and inclination) to feign them to the degree which would satisfy the Mid-Ranger.

Thus, unless the Mid-Ranger is desperate for a primary source he or she is unlikely to complete the seduction of a Lesser as a IPPS. They will look elsewhere and reject the overtures of the Lesser deeming them to not “tick the right boxes”. The Lesser will not try to press the seduction since this rejection by the Mid-Ranger will cause his fury to ignite as a consequence of this low control threshold. He will lash out at the Mid-Ranger and be forced to find a different primary source instead rather than selecting another narcissist. Thus in most cases the Lesser will flare up as his seduction is derailed and the Mid-Range will train his or her sights elsewhere.

Even if the Lesser is in desperate straits to secure a primary source, he will not be able to ensnare the Mid-Ranger who will find his or her own needs unmet. However, if the Mid-Ranger is the party which is desperate to find a primary source, they may settle for the Lesser in such circumstances. Of course, the Lesser will be content for this to happen, the increased level of charm and complimentary behaviour of the Mid-Ranger satisfying, at least to begin with, the Lesser’s need for fuel. There are also likely to be character traits and residual benefits which will suit the needs of the Lesser. Thus, if the Lesser is the desperate party, but the Mid Ranger is not, then the Lesser will be denied. If the Mid-Ranger is the desperate party and the Lesser is or is not, then it is more likely that the two will form a romantic couple securing the other as the IPPS.

In this scenario, the absence of sufficient positive fuel provision will soon surface. The Bronze Period behaviour of the Lesser will not suit the Mid-Range at all for his fuel needs. The selfishness and self-centredness of the Mid-Ranger will not suit the Lesser and therefore devaluation will soon follow after seduction. However, this is where an interesting dynamic will occur because it is actually in devaluation that the pair will meet one another’s needs for far longer than they did in seduction.

The Lesser, disappointed and indeed infuriated with the Mid-Ranger’s poor positive fuel provision will commence the devaluation. Being on the attack, her angry words, her fury, her nastiness will all be excellent fuel to the Mid-Ranger. He of course will not welcome the challenges made to him by the pointing finger of the Lesser but he cannot resist the tasty fuel which accompanies it. He will lap up the fuel provided by her whilst responding with his own manipulations to keep the fuel flowing. He will blame-shift, deny and deflect and refuse to co-operate. He will roll out the pity plays, beg with the Lesser to stop the hurtful behaviour and so forth, all of which will be excellent fuel to the Lesser, so she will continue with the machinations. Back and forth they will go, cat playing with mouse, mouse evading cat in a scenario which causes them to provide sufficient negative fuel to one another. The Mid-Ranger will turn to the third parties, as is his want, pointing out the horrible behaviour of the Lesser. Such actions will be perceived as criticism by the Lesser and she will respond by further nasty behaviours and also seeking out a new primary source since devaluation is well on foot. Should the Lesser locate this potential new primary source, news of her behaviour will reach the Mid Ranger (either from third parties or from the less than subtle Lesser herself) and this will wound the Mid-Ranger. He will flounce off in a silent treatment and look to find his own replacement primary source. The Lesser will not respond to the silent treatment but instead focus on the new primary source. The Mid-Range seeing that the silent treatment has had no effect will establish contact again with the Lesser. This appeals to the Lesser as she believes she has the upper hand again, although the Mid-Ranger will believe that he has because he has caused the Lesser to engage again. Thus, they are brought together again for a brief Respite Period. Of course, neither will provide sufficient positive fuel during this Respite Period and therefore the devaluation begins again.

The death knell for the intimate relationship between the Lesser and Mid-Range narcissist is when they both commence their search for a new primary source and find a suitable prospect. Up until that point, the negative fuel provided through devaluation is maintaining their required fuel levels because of the contrast (something as you know which always required by our kind) between their respective styles. The aggressive Lesser and the passive aggressive Mid-Ranger. Thus their devaluation can go on for some time but once one or both of these narcissists turns their attention to a new primary source then the end of the relationship will arrive promptly. Either one or both will ensnare a non-narcissist and the fuel provision from this individual (as an empathic individual) will cause the narcissist to focus on that person and discard either the Lesser or the Mid-Range narcissist they have erroneously installed as a primary source.

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Narc Tales

The Three Little Pigs? They’re bacon now.

Rapunzel? Had a nightmare and all her hair fell out.

Sleeping Beauty? Overslept and missed her appointment with her plastic surgeon.

 

You may be familiar with fairy tales but prepare yourself for Narc Tales, a collection of dark, entertaining but most of all instructive and educational tales written by the creative and insightful HG Tudor.

What better way to equip yourself with unique information about narcissists, empaths and the dynamic between them than to do so through the medium of story telling. Yet, these are no ordinary tales, no fluffy yarns with a happy ever after. No, these are Narc Tales and you will find fantastic knowledge wrapped up in amusement, intrigue, beguilement and shock. Where Prince Ultra Charming roams, The Very Wicked MatriNarc schemes and The Super Empath Strikes Back – a delicious read from the most delicious of dark minds.

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the-princess-empath

There once was an Upper Mid Range Narcissist who called himself Prince (not the deceased pop star) but rather because he decided he was a Prince amongst men. He decided it was time to find a Princess. He had plenty of these Princesses before, after all, with his good looks and keen mind, he was something of a catch and it was not difficult for him to ride out to a hunting ground and ensnare a fresh one. He found, however, that after a period of time, he grew tired of their fawning and praise and realised he needed something more, something better, something substantial and long-lasting from his Princesses but since he was not a Greater, he did not quite know what.

Accordingly, he sauntered over to a mirror that he had found which talked back to him. Well, when he says found, he stole it, but then again everything was his to take because after all he was a prince.

“Mirror, mirror I have nicked, tell me who I need who will get royally dicked?”

“Oh hello Conker Bollocks,” yawned the face in the mirror, “You need a Princess Empath matey boy. Since this is a fairy tale I am sure one will come along soon.”

Later that night there was a terrible storm and there came a knocking at the castle door. Somewhat improbably the old King himself went to open the door, although as a Carrier Empath he found himself running around doing all the chores for the royal family, and found a bedraggled young lady.

She was in a terrible state from the rain and the storm. The water streamed out of her hair and her clothes; it ran in at the top of her shoes and out the heel, but the production of her tiara atop a Salvation Army hat marked her down as clearly an empathic lady of royal distinction.

“Deary me, “ declared the old king, “do come in, do you need shelter?”

“Yes please,” replied the Princess Empath, “I gave up my room at the Sally Army to a homeless unicorn so I have nowhere to stay.”

Just then the Prince Narc appeared and in an instant felt that this bedraggled and soaking lady had significant potential. He sidled up to here and as she stood dripping asked her twenty questions ascertaining her empathic, class and special traits. Fair quivering with excitement, Prince Narc called out to the Queen.

“Oh mama, I have a new friend. Well I say new, we have known each other for ten years and I have been in love with her for 8 of those years, but just never got around to telling her. May she stay over?”

The Queen Narc swept into view.

“Royal chambers are for royalty only,” she said with a sneer.

“Oh I am a Princess, Princess Empath, your majesty,” replied the girl politely as she curtsied.

“Looking like that? I think not.”

The Queen Narc sensed competition for the affections of Prince Narc and did not welcome this intrusion. She however sensed an opportunity for triangulation and potential negative fuel.

“Since you are say you are a Princess and an empathic one at that, then we shall soon if that is true,” declared the Queen Narc.

She flounced away and snapped her fingers for the entourage of seven little men (who were engaged on a Communtiy Payback scheme after certain felonies and crimes in the Forest of Empaths) to trot after her.

“Can she stay mama or not?”

“She may,” declared the Queen Narc, “I shall arrange for the Bitter Suite to be turned down for her.”

The Queen Narc headed to the Bitter Suite, seven little men in tow. She ordered them to remove the bedclothes and then from a box she produced a dark hard stone which seemed to absorb all the light from the gas lights dotted around the room.

“This concentrated hurt will soon determine whether she is indeed a Princess Empath. If she is the delicate and sensitive empath she claims to be, then she will feel this hurt through anything,” muttered the Narc Queen to herself.

She placed the hurt on the bed and then snapped at the seven little men to haul twenty mattresses on top of it. She then commanded them to place twenty feather beds on top of the mattresses. Once done a ladder was placed besides the gargantuan bed just as the Princess Empath arrived.

“You should sleep well with that degree of comfort,” said the Queen Narc as she swept away followed by the seven little men.

Cold and tired, the Princess Empath began to ascend the ladder to bed…..

The next morning the Princess Empath arrived at the royal dining room to find the Prince Narc and Queen Narc dining on hard cheese and sour grapes served by the seven little men. The Queen Narc had let the Prince Narc in on her scheme as she saw great benefits to ensnaring the Princess Empath through her son and engaging in rampant triangulation thereafter.

“Good morning,” said the Princess Empath brightly. The two narcs eyed her suspiciously.

“How did you sleep?” asked the Prince Narc barely able to contain his excitement.

“Oh terribly,” sighed the Princess Empath.

The Prince grinned.

“I have hardly closed my eyes the whole night. Heaven knows what was in the bed. I seemed to be lying upon some hard thing and my body is black and blue this morning. It is terrible,” continued the Princess Empath.

“Nobody but a real Princess Empath would have such an ability to feel the hurt in such a way,” said the Queen Narc as her forked tongue brushed over her sharp teeth.

“Indeed I am a Princess Empath, Princess Sue Per Empath actually. Oh I felt the hurt alright, but that wasn’t what kept me awake!” said the Princess Empath suddenly.

“What?” said the Prince Narc.

“No, it was this!” cried the Princess Empath and from behind her back she produced a large gold strap on with the words “Prince’s BIG Helper” emblazoned along it.

“Er oh er mama!” muttered the Prince as his eyes fell on the weapon of anal intrusion.

“It had been left in the bed. Looks like you will be needing this to sort out Little Prince Pissy Knickers here,” smiled Princess as she lobbed the strap on towards the fuming Queen Narc and turned on her heel.

“Mama!” wailed Prince Narc as the shame of the discovery threatened his construct and he fell to the floor curled into a ball.

“I’m not your mother,” hissed Queen Narc as she stormed from the dining room leaving the bewildered seven little men behind.

“Does this mean we can go back to Snow White now?” asked one.

“I don’t know but I am going to hang with his Princess Empath for a while, she is kick ass,” answered the other and trotted after the departing Princess Empath.

And so some people lived happily ever after.the-princess-empath

YOUTUBE INFATUATION.jpg
I have never known anybody like you. You are amazing. You are so loving, so kind and so gentle. Everything you do makes me happy. I didn’t think that was possible, not after the last person I was involved with. I don’t want to go on about that person for too long, why spoil this wonderful moment eh? Suffice to say they were not what I thought they were, a con-artist and a charlatan who made me think that they were something else and they took advantage of my good nature. I know you will not do that. I know you are too good a person. It is written all over you. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found you. I wasn’t really looking but I am sure glad that I have found you. You are amazing. Have I told you that already? I can see you nodding. Sorry, I am just so excited to have finally found you and I am just so excited about all the adventures and fun we are going to have together. You really are everything that I have ever wanted in a person. There are not enough wonderful adjectives available to describe, there really aren’t.
My friends think I am nuts, but in a good way, because all I do is go on about you. I tell them the places we go to, the marvellous days we spend together and just hat a special, precious and loving person that you are. It restores your faith in human nature after all of the terrible things that have happened, sorry I am mentioning them again, I must stop doing that. I am all over the place, in the good way, this is what you do to me. Anyway, I tell my friends all about you, all of the time and I know that they are delighted to see me so deliriously happy because they have not seen me like this for some time. I have such plans for you and I. Wonderful, momentous and special plans. I want to tell you all about them now because they are that good, but I am not going to. I don’t want to spoil the surprises. This feels like my birthday, Christmas, a promotion and a wedding day all rolled into one. I know you might think I am going over the top but this is how happy you make me feel. I feel like I am on fire, fizzing with anticipation and joy. It is truly sensational and it is all down to you. You have brought this out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would have done. You rescued me and made me smile. You are my world. I mean that. I want to be with you all of the time and forever because you are so giving, so warm, so loving, so considerate, so funny, so attractive and well, just the very, very best. I have told my family about you, naturally and they cannot wait to meet you. I think they are nearly as excited as me. I think of you as soon as I wake up and you are in my thoughts all through the day and as I lie down at night I think of you again and wonder what you are doing and wish I was with you right at that moment.
You move me to the extent that I want to do great things for you and I and everyone else. You inspire me, you drive me and you motivate me. I feel completed now I have you, like nothing can ever hurt me and I know I will never let anything hurt you. That can never happen. I need you and I hope that you need me, we are a partnership and cannot be torn asunder, no matter what the world throws at us.
You will probably have seen my Facebook page littered with all those comments about you. I just feel them welling up inside of me and I have to let them out, give birth to them if you will and let them be shared with the world. It is the right thing to do, to allow such joy and happiness to be shared all around. Why shouldn’t other people be happy as well because we are? I want you. I want you more than anything I have ever wanted before I will do anything with you. I want us to be together, I want us to be one. I want us to grow old together and still be in love in sixty years as we are now. I know what we have is so special that we can achieve that.
I know I am babbling on but it is all good isn’t it? It is right to be this enthusiastic and excited and I know this is always going to be the case. That gives me so much comfort but again it is all because I know that we can rely on one another, trust one another and support one another. We are made for one another. Your hands fit mine perfectly, we coil together at night, fitting perfectly around one another. You finished my sentences and I know what you are going to say right before you say it. It is as if we have been forged from the same thing all those years ago, then separated and finally we have been put back together again in order to be happy and why not, we deserve to be happy. You make me happy and I will do the same for you. I want to tell the world how wonderful you make me feel. I want to take out advertisements in newspapers, on YouTube and on television. I want to shout if from the highest mountain and from the rooftops that I love you.
Am I infatuated? Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be so infatuated when being with someone as gloriously brilliant as me. Now, say that all again to me.

THE NARCISSIST AND THE THE POWER OF PAIN

 

My mind has always applied itself to how I can exert control over other people. I understand now that it commenced doing this unconsciously, that is the very nature of narcissism. However, I also gained an awareness of how fundamental power is to me, how I need it, how I want it and how I can use it. I recognised that having power made me feel powerful, immense, gargantuan in presence and application and that I could not stand to be without it. Of course this all stemmed from my utter need (like all of my kind) for control at all times. I did not know of this particular need initially.

It is clear I developed an unconscious need for control and power. Unlike most of my kind, this then evolved into a conscious need for control and power and thus allied with a natural lack of empathy, immense intelligence and sadistic streak I took notice of the ways in which I could actively and purposefully achieve control and power.

This control had to be over everything – the environment around me and of course that meant the people within that environment.

I had to control people. I absolutely had to.

By applying control I get them to do what I want and this will enable me to obtain fuel from them. I witnessed at an early stage the power of pain and this formed in my mind an indelible reason to utilise it in order to gain and maintain control.

I do not recall precisely how old I was but I do recall that I had not yet started secondary school so I must have been under the age of twelve. There was a group of us children that played together and it was during a particular summer that we had been engaged in some kind of game in the fields near to where we all lived. The fields and the small river which ran through them with the occasional copse made for an exciting environment in which we could play out invented games. From battles between armies, to tales of fantasy involving orcs and elves through to pretending to be astronauts on an undiscovered planet, we made full use of the space that we were afforded.

I recall that one hot afternoon we had been engaged in a game which involved a battle and one of our group, a boy called Jonathan had been the general. He was not very good and he had made a series of stupid decisions that meant our side lost the battle. I was determined not to lose the war and I proposed that I should now be the general and it should be me who organised our troops. He was a whiny child who began to bleat about how I was often the general and it was his turn today. He explained his turn was to last all day. I grew irritated by his desire to remain in place as the general and a calamitous one at that. How dare he assume the mantle of greatness when it was patently clear that he was not up to the task? How dare he lead us to slaughter and defeat? I was not happy but despite my protests he would not stand down. The other side had long since departed across the other side of the fields and were awaiting the shot for battle to be joined. Our troops had been dispatched to various locations leaving just Jonathan and I at the rear. I was furious with him. My rage at his idiocy was burning inside of me and as he stood on the rock from which the general always directed our troops, since it afforded a good view across the meadow I moved besides him. With a violent shove I pushed him from the rock and he fell into a clump of stinging nettles that had grown next to the rock. He howled in pain as the first stings took effect and wearing a t-shirt and shorts, his exposed limbs and face fell prey to the vicious stings of the nettles. He cried out and jumped up trying to move free of the nettles but as he neared the edge I gave him another shove and sent him tumbling back into the midst of them causing him to cry out again. With tears streaming down his face and arms showing the welts from the repeated stings he tried to emerge again and once more I pushed him back into the stinging nettles. I did this again and then once again until with face red and swollen he decided against trying to get past me and stumbled through the nettles, wincing and whimpering as he took another route. I watched him leave until all that could be heard was his juddering sobbing. I climbed onto the rock and from there took control of our troops and directed them to a stunning victory.

Jonathan’s father later attended at our house. I saw him striding up the path with Jonathan in tow, his father incandescent with anger. I stood at the top of the stairs and listened as he thundered and shouted but he did not breach our porch. My mother barred his way and I could not hear her voice but I knew that she would be keeping him in his place with her steely tones and flinty looks. Eventually Jonathan and his father walked away back down the path and I watched their family retreat for the second time that day.

There was no punishment from my mother. Nothing was said to me at all. In her usual fashion she had dealt with the matter. I know not what she said but she made no mention of it to me. This was her way of dealing with such matters.

I continued to play with the group and with Jonathan. Every time he looked at me I could see the pain in his eyes just as I had that day when I had pushed him repeatedly into the stinging nettles. He never asked to be general again and was always the first to suggest that I be appointed as leader of our troops. He had experienced pain doled out by me and he knew what to do thereafter. I also knew what power could be derived from such pain. It was a lesson in learning an instrument of manipulation.

I was learning. Pain equalled power.

I was finally righting the wrongs and power was THE instrument by which this would be achieved.

A LETTER TO THE NARCISSISTBE'S LETTER

 

You were the brightest and darkest time of my life.  It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times.  Yes I know this is from Dickens.

This makes me laugh now.  I believed we were on an adventure; on an unknown path.  I laugh at how ordinary and predictable it all was. A forgone conclusion.  Nothing I did or said or believed would have changed my outcome.  One lie, promise, and other woman at a time I spent 13 years in the maze.
 In the last year I’ve finally realized the ways you live; all the things I knew about you could be be brought together to define what you ARE.  The thoughts you had and systems you deployed are no longer spokes of a wheel with no axle.  You are not unique;  we weren’t the one in a thousand.  Now I have axles and the story hangs together.
As I read about your kind I am overwhelmed with memories of all the things I said.  The hilarious insightful quotes I thought I was offering you… Gifts of insight for you.  I said them out loud.  You were in the room.  I remember.  But now I know I was telling myself.  I ALWAYS KNEW you weren’t just quirky or misunderstood.  I just didn’t know what the reams of information meant.  But I know now…  Below are just a few of the truths spoken during those long years.
Oh my god, were you the genetic wastebasket for your entire family.
You have the longest learning curve of anyone I’ve ever met.
I really want the fake Rich today. Can you please pretend you’re the person you were when we met?
You know how fucked up you are.  That’s why you pretend to be someone decent in the beginning.
The only time you know I’m in the room is when I’m sitting on your dick.
Why am I the only person you can say no to?
I think you have a call.  I heard precious ring.
I wish you treated me as well as your cell phone.
You try to act like your some big sugar daddy.  What no one else realizes is you’re really a Splenda daddy.
I know how to get what I want from you.  Ask for the opposite…  Then I am guaranteed delivery.
Is this Dicky time or real people time?
You do realize when you say “I’m working on it” I know you really mean “it will never happen as long as I live and then I have clarified in my will that you will not have it after I am gone”?
Uh, I know how incredible you think you are but if I could wake up tomorrow and be you I wouldn’t.
Your always promising to do and get things.  I know you will never get a (insert any item) hot tub.  If you actually get the hot tub I will blow you while you are drinking a beer and watching sports.  Yeah, never had to keep that promise did I?
Wow, how can you stand being surrounded by morons, mere humans all the time?  You are brilliant… we are dim.  Why not end the pain and put yourself down?  They shoot horses don’t they?
Wait a minute. Is that Dicky speak or are you using a language I know?
Your world is an alternate universe.  I call it DickyLand.  Its a place where I pay to get on rides that make me want to throw up afterwards.
So you’re saying I should ask you about cheating when you aren’t so busy?
I get to fight with you about cheating on me the same amount of time it took you to convince her to sleep with you.
She referred a big job 6 years ago?  How many years of sex do you owe her for the referral?
For someone who lies as much as you, I thought you’d be much better at it.
Hey 007 you don’t actually have pens that shoot bullets and you aren’t having sex with women in every European capital.
I assumed if she can give you a hand job on company time she can take my phone call on company time.
Its not as though you’re a picnic on the lawn every day.  The blue birds of happiness don’t circle and wrap me in gauze when you walk in the room.
You are so high maintenance I will need to make an instructional video for the next whore du juor.
1st secret trip –  why would I call your family to find out where you were?  Why would I advertise to them how little respect you have for me?  I can tell you, honestly, I hope it was the most exciting trip you’ve ever had.  I hope you were laid by scores of beautiful women.  I truly hope the secret was worth the relationship you lost.
2nd secret trip – wow thanks for the 10 hour notice.  On second thought I WILL drive you to the airport for your trip to Ireland.  I want to make you as miserable as I can make you for as long as possible before you leave.
Today any space up to 12 inches from my person is a no crap zone.
Why are you willing to spend $250 on a bra but won’t spend $20 on jeans for me?
I know you slept with her because there are only 2 things you would drive 2 hours to get.  One of those things is money.
Yeah….  I’m still invested in being pissed off at you.  Try your fake apology later.
You are disgusted because I am soft-hearted and kind?  YOU, more than anyone, depend on that kindness.
I KNOW you were flirting with her.  The only time you listen to anything a woman has to say is when you are trying to get her into bed.
You have never once said you were wrong.  Averages would suggest I was right at least once in the past 13 years.
All you think about is what you don’t have.
Why do you ask me what I want to do?  We both know you only pretend to consider it.  In reality you already planned the weekend.  Just tell me where you’re going and I will decide if I want to go.
Why is it officially sleeping when and only when you wake up in the recliner and go to bed.
One day, as you shuffle down the hall of your assisted living facility with your colostomy bag and portable IV you will remember me.
This is the best breakup you’ve ever had.  Don’t fuck it up.

i 

What goes through the mind of the Greater Narcissist when he has decided that he must unleash his malice against some transgressor, some traitor, some disloyal appliance which has affronted him in some way? What does he want when the harsh and cruel machinations are about to be deployed against his or her victim? What are his thoughts as he bears down on the one who now represents everything that he despises? Whether they have escaped him, exposed him, challenged him or some other capital crime against the nation-state of narcissism, the Greater Narcissist’s dark mind goes into overdrive. This is a glimpse inside to understand what he wants.

I want you to know that only I know. I want you to know that your wounds are self-inflicted. I want you to feel the ice coldness of your bed at midnight. I want you to hear my voice everywhere that you go. I want a controlling interest in you.  I want my face to appear even when you close your eyes.

I want you to walk in heavy chains each and every day. I want you to touch the scar so you remember me. I want you to always understand how hungry I am for your fuel. I want you to always feel my baleful gaze on you. I want you to glance my reflection in the window and feel that knot of fear in your stomach. I want you to feel my hand on your shoulder even though there is nobody there.

I want you to scream and realise that nobody is coming. I want your world to implode. I want to know how much you hate me. I want to know how much you love me. I want you to know only that which I want you to know. I want you to learn the cost of loving me. I want you to know that my malevolence is just a way to win.

I want you to see me broadcast your secrets far and wide. I want you to understand that the sweetest condition is to be with me. I want you to be knocked to the ground by my thunder. I want you to be shackled to me by the sound of my voice. I want you to realise that compassion is over-rated. I want you to come begging for me to stop.

I want you to know that evil can be so handsome, I want you to feel what it is like to have the grasping hands come from nowhere in order to pull you apart. I want you to watch the light disappear.

I want you try and lift you head, but all I shall see is you exposing your neck I want your world to implode. I want to see you isolated. I want to see the hope in your eyes so I can extinguish it. I want you alive because then there always remains future possibilities. I want you to run but then realise that you cannot.

I want you to now know the true meaning of hurt. I want you to grasp what you have done to me. I want you to experience betrayal. I want you to feel the earth giving way beneath your feet. I want everything you once knew to mean nothing anymore.

I want you dazed. I want you confused. I want you not knowing left from right. I want you stumbling in my footsteps. I want you blundering in the fog that I breathe around you. I want you calling for help and hearing just an echo.

I want you to understand that dreams can be crushed. I want you to never know the truth. I want you to be buried alive by my lies. I want the heavy, dead weight of your guilt to pin you down.

I want you to confront me and fail to understand how you are just giving me what I need. I want to watch your defences crumble. I want you to find that everything is black or white. I want everything to taste like ash to you. I want you to understand what it feels like to be controlled by another. I want you to pray for salvation from me. I want you to seek salvation at my hand.

I want you to hide just so I can come and find you. I want you to try and wipe away the smears and to watch the panic as you find nothing is removing them. I want to see you swallow your own lies about me. I want to hear your terror down the phone line. I want you to shout for me to just make it stop. I want you to give me what belongs to me.

I want you to understand that the darkness is everywhere. I want you to pay the price for your treachery. I want you to find what you once had and give it to me again, for one last time. I want to see that smile vanish when you know it was me. I want your day to begin with me and end with me.

I want the clouds to cover your moon. I want the steady drum of rain drops to mask my approach until I suddenly appear besides you. I want to know where you are, all of the time. I want your dreams to dissipate and for me to rule your nightmares. I want your thoughts to be about me and me alone.

I want you to understand I will not stop. I want you to realise I am unstoppable.

I want to watch you lose control.

I want you to lose.