The Empathic Supernova
What is the Empathic Supernova?
In order to detail this phenomenon, it is first necessary to consider when it might appear and what is behind its appearance.
The repeated application of our manipulations is deployed for the purposes of maintaining control over you. This control reinforces our notion of superiority, omnipotence and impregnability and enables us to draw fuel from our appliances and most of all you as our primary source.
I have made mention of the Empathic Group, the group which lies to the left of the empathic-narcissistic spectrum and within this group there are three schools of the empathic individual; the Co-Dependent, the Super Empath and the Empath.
The sustained application of the many and varied manipulations produces results for us. It also takes its toll on our victims. The Co-Dependent will cling on, desperate for the self-definition which manifests as a consequence of their ensnarement with us. They will soak up the abuse, the confusion and the control until they reach a point of breakdown. The cumulative effect of the silent treatments, the gas lighting, the physical abuse, the psychological trauma, financial mistreatment and sexual degradation eventually causes the limpet-like Co-Dependent to collapse into numbness, malfunction and potential hospitalisation. They gave and gave until suddenly they fell off the cliff and their fuel provision remained impressive on Monday and by Tuesday it had stopped. No longer capable of pumping out fuel, attending to our requirements and showering us with appropriate traits and residual benefits, this failure to function invariably brings about the discard of this individual. The discarded Co-Dependent, although distraught at the loss of the narcissist which they crave, is in no position to try to bring about the resumption of the relationship and thus, whilst we focus on their replacement primary source, they are allowed a period by which they can recover and once the lights switch back on again and the fuel starts to pump, the devaluation of their replacement has begun, so we come looking and hoovering for the Co-Dependent. Unable to resist, because of the nature of the hoovering and their own vulnerability, they are hoovered back in and the narcissistic cycle continues.
Whilst third parties may try to assist the Co-Dependent to see and understand what has happened to them, their own substantial need to connect with a narcissist means it is very hard to make them take notice and stay away from us. Unless physically removed and isolated, the Co-Dependent will drift back to us. If not the original narcissist, a replacement narcissist will invariably be found.
The empathic-narcissistic spectrum is a sliding scale that represents both empathic and narcissistic traits. On the far left the empathic traits are more numerous and stronger whilst the narcissistic traits are fewer and weaker. Move to the right and the empathic traits begin to lessen in number, their effects less evident and the narcissistic traits begin to increase and become more prevalent. Eventually, as one reaches the Narcissistic Group, on the right of this spectrum, the empathic traits have disappeared and all that remain are narcissistic traits which become more numerous and stronger the further right one goes within this Narcissistic Group.
Accordingly, with the Co-Dependent, he or she will have many empathic traits and they are strong in nature. Their devotion to love, their honesty, decency, excellent listening skills, positivity etc are most evident and contribute to create a highly empathic individual. The narcissistic traits are almost invisible and the few that exist are weak. Accordingly, this prevalence of empathic traits attracts and is attracted to the prevalence of extensive and strong narcissistic traits. They locked together, complementing one another and consequently the Co-Dependent is inexorably drawn to those within the Narcissistic Group, with next to nothing in terms of their own narcissistic traits to act as some kind of repellant.
The Empath may also find themselves shutting down, but more usually they are prevented from reaching a position of complete numbing though the intervention of a third party. Sure enough the toll exacted on the Empath is considerable and has damaging consequences, but, in general, they manage to avoid more often the fate of the Co-Dependent. Instead, rather than giving and giving until shut down occurs (as is the case with the Co-Dependent) the Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Empath is also discarded. Not so damaged as to be unable to function, the Empath will endeavour to re-connect with our kind, having sufficient energy and ability to do so, but they will be shunned as part of this discard until it is time to hoover them. Unaware of what they have been ensnared by and with capabilities improved after a period of respite arising from the discard, the Empath is sucked back in by the narcissist and thus the narcissistic cycle continues.
The Empath however may also realise that something is wrong, or assisted by third parties and more amenable to listening, takes notice of what these third parties are telling him or her. They have a moment of ‘awakening’ and with that realise that they must remain away from our grip, however hurtful and hard it may be and thus they eventually escape, putting distance between them and our kind.
The Empath has numerous empathic traits and they are of strength but they are not on the same scale as the Co-Dependent. The Empath will have some narcissistic traits, not many and not especially strong in nature, but they will have more narcissistic traits than the Co-Dependent. Their status as an Empath (along with the fact that there are more Empaths than Co-Dependents) means that Empaths become the bread and butter target for our kind. They too are attracted to us, not with the almost hopeless vulnerability of the Co-Dependent, but they remain not only attracted to our kind but a target.
Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect. The Co-Dependent can sustain considerable abuse until suddenly, like a light being extinguished, that is it. The Empath also can sustain our manipulations but their slide is slower and more gradual. The Super Empath, blessed with a vast capacity for empathy and goodness is also somebody who can sustain a lengthy campaign of abuse. There is no slide downwards with this individual like the Empath. There is no sudden collapse like the Co-Dependent. Instead the Super Empath goes in to Supernova mode.
The trait make-up of the Super Empath is different from their cousins in the Empathic Group. Whereas the Co-Dependent has strong and many empathic traits with little and low narcissistic traits and the Empath has few and fairly low narcissistic traits but more and quite strong empathic traits, the Super Empath has a different constitution.
The Super Empath has very strong and numerous empathic traits. He or she also has a number of narcissistic traits (more than the Co-Dependent and the Empath but not as many as the Narcissistic Group) and they are stronger in nature than those experienced by the Co-Dependent and the Empath.
This arrangement is not problematic. Liken the Super Empath’s narcissistic make-up to the light from a candle and their empathic make-up the light from a spotlight. The intensity of the spotlight is so bright that the candle light is barely noticed. Accordingly, the narcissistic element to the Super Empath does not appear. The Super Empath behaves in an empathic way and thus is a target for our kind.
There comes a time however when the sustained abuse and the awareness of the Super Empath reaches a critical point. Rather than switch off or slide into decline, the Super Empath will decide that enough is enough. In some instances, this means that the Super Empath will escape and follow a similar route to that of the Empath and distance themselves from the narcissist.
On other occasions they enter into Supernova mode. When this happens, the Super Empath will dim their empathic traits. This can only be dimming. The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna. Moreover, this dimming can only continue for a period of time and is not permanent. The naturally strong empathic nature of the Super Empath means that it will blaze bright again.
However, when this dimming takes places, the gap between empathy and narcissism in the Super Empath lessens so that the narcissistic traits are more prevalent. They do not dominate nor do they take over, but they are allowed to ‘shine’. However, whereas in our kind the application of our narcissistic traits is unfettered since we have no empathic traits and thus these traits are directed in a malevolent, harmful and destructive manner, the Super Empath uses these unleashed narcissistic traits for ‘good’.
This means that they will fight back against our kind and remain in the relationship with us. They will shut off the fuel provision, they will engage in manipulation of us, having learned how to effect it form their accompanying journey with out kind. The Super Empath will wound and wound, striking blow upon blow against the narcissist. It is worth pointing out that the Super Empath does not necessarily know that they are with a narcissist (they may only realise this later) but rather they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.
Thus when some people ask the question
“Can you become a narcissist from being with a narcissist?”
or
“Can I pick up narcissistic traits from my experience of being entangled with a narcissist?”
The answer remains no.
But, if you find that you are exhibiting such traits and you are deploying them against the narcissist, what has happened is that you are allowing your inherent narcissistic traits to have greater prominence. You keep them under control and you are not allowing them to harm or hurt innocent parties, but rather you are applying them against the narcissist in order to strike back. You always had these traits, you have not gained them by being with us, but what you have learned is how to manipulate from being with us and now you are turning those manipulations against us.
The effect against us is varied.
The Lesser Narcissist will discard immediately with a display of ignited fury as he seeks to escape the turning of the tables. He will need to get away from this empowered Super Empath and find a new primary source straight away. He wants to shrink from this blazing supernova of power which is causing him considerable difficulty through the cessation of fuel and the wounding from repeated criticism.
The Mid-Range Narcissist will find himself in a tormented loop as he tries to assert control. He will not comprehend truly what is happening. He will not want to lose the Super Empath owing to the fuel provision, but he is finding that his ability to manipulate and the reasonable degree of calculation that he has, is being sorely tested. He will try to assert his control through passive aggressive means, even pleading with the Super Empath to stop and ‘why can’t you be good to me again’? He will roll out the pity plays and sympathy cards in order to try to achieve superiority again. However, either the Super Empath decides to escape and leaves the Mid-Ranger in a confused and bewildered state or the Mid-Ranger slinks away and discards,unable to sustain the fight and needing a new and far more compliant primary source.
The Greater Narcissist will rail against this insurrection and fight back. He will draw on fuel from alternative sources (usually the IPSS or IPSSs he has in the wings along with fuel form those NISS who are his inner and outer circle friends). He will relish the challenge shown by the Super Empath and a real battle of wills ensues as each combatant deploys manipulation after manipulation against one another. This hammer and tongs clash of the titans sees the Super Empath applying what they have learned, similar to the apprentice turning on his or her master, as the old hand seeks to slap down the irreverent upstart. The Super Empath may withdraw and escape, satisfied that they have made their mark and scarred the Greater. The Greater may ultimately recognise that only a stalemate (for now) can ensue and breaks off, discarding the Super Empath and focusses on the acquisition of a new primary source (or more likely the promotion of an already ensnared IPSS). The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.
Thus the Empathic Supernova is when the Super Empath determines that enough is enough and he or she reduces their empathic traits, allowing the narcissistic traits to come to the fore and in so doing he or she trains their sights on making life difficult, miserable and awkward for the narcissist. This is why our kind proceed with caution with the Super Empath. Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind.
Not for me of course. I relish the challenge and the assertion of hegemonic dominance. Obviously.
119 thoughts on “The Empathic Supernova”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I thought nobody would ever understand what happened to me. I went supernova on my narc girlfriend and suddenly was behaving in ways that were mirrors of her ways. I felt like I was at war, a blazing star of justice born from my strength to show her beyond a shadow of a doubt that her ways were toxic and awful (to me and her “tribe”) by beating her at every corner, even if it meant using her tactics against her. I was miserable, but I wouldn’t leave, couldn’t escape, because my point was not yet made. The war escalated, she used every tactic she could muster, I would observe them, and after learning enough, replicate them back at her x10. I ruined other parts of my life in this en-devour and badly hurt another woman who was trying desperately and truly to be there for me, love me, give me strength, and get me to run away as fast as could from the narc, to the point where she wondered if I was a narc, and who could blame her, because suddenly I had exploded into one, and not just any narc, but a supremely intelligent, cunning, and dangerous one, but she could still see the guy she knew, glimpses of him anyway, from when we dated before, before I became entangled with the deadly beauty that was the narc that swept me up afterwards.
I was always stressed, always tired, always in deep thought, always angry, always trying to find a chink in her armor, always finding the way to show her how awful she was to me and everyone around her (except her new “prey”), always plotting what would get her to see the reality and truth of her darkness, and in doing so, bring her into the light. I became awful, but I justified it everyday because I could fix her, I could heal her, I just had to become a bigger force of nature than her, and I could, because I can endure a tremendous amount of pain and suffering and keep going on, looking for the best in people, the world, and myself, even when the lights have gone dim. That was why she choose me, because she wanted to feed off the savior, super empath she had found, and I do believe, in her own way, thought that I was the one that wouldn’t let her down, would never abandon her, had the strength to endure, the integrity and compassion to be her constant fuel source forever.
In weird ways, she said all of these things, she showed me what she was (not by name, never by name), she made it clear that I was special, because I didn’t cosign her bullshit and a compliment from me meant a thousand times more than the rest of her “tribe”, despite the pain I eventually poured down on her. She said variations of all of these things, even after my first escape for a while, but while I was still emotionally entrenched, I could see the lies more clearly, and finally found solid ground, and was learning to walk again, as an empath, not a misguided and wounded warrior of destruction by “justice”.
I do believe, in a strange way, that she was always hoping that I would accept what she was and love her anyway, to see her darkness and still wrap my arms around her, even after she would ignore me or get furious. Part of me still wishes that I could have. I wish I could have saved her. In the end, even as strong as I am, I had to muster everything of self respect, self love, and my inner strength to tear off my battered armor, treat my wounds, pull myself together and get back on my feet.
I have struggled, everyday, wondering if I could have healed her. And if not her, swoop in and save of any of her flying monkeys, most of whom are empaths who just want to be loved and treated well, but have settled for the emotional scraps she occasionally throws them. Everyday, I wonder if they can be saved, if I can save them, if I go back in with new, improved armor, made of compassion, light, and love and new weapons of logic and emotion. I wonder if I can save any of them from the destructive cycle they are in and in turn, have a joyous victory at showing her that her darkness can’t win in the end …
And then, I remind myself, that is exactly how the destructive cycles continues … forever … if you let it. Hope, in this case, is futile and hoping for change will only change you, and not for the better. It is my own narc traits and savior complex that would be looking for satisfaction (of being the savior and the victory) and that, I know, only leads to my own hell and only mine, because this is the way in which I bring my narc traits to the surface, to be the savior, to be the hand of justice.
She is already in a far worse hell than any I could bring upon her and that her chances of finding the light are slim and have nothing to do with me. All I can do is make my way back to the light, a light I let get very far away from me.
I have, since the “discard/escape” (it was complicated), worked my emotional butt off to make amends with the woman that I hurt while in this storm with the Narc and start building back trust and love with her, while I sought, fruitlessly, for answers and closure anywhere I could, until now.
Of course, my narc is still lurking nearby, suddenly becoming super close with some of my friends that I introduced her to, and making sure she is more embedded in the world thru which I travel. When she can, she tries to mess with my head again, each time has less effect.
Thank you for this article. It is ironic (and more than disturbing to me), to be set free from the downward spiral of being in the loop of searching for answers and feeling more at ease about escaping from this narcissist by the words of a supreme narcissist. Ironic, indeed.
Thank you for helping me find closure to the mystery that has plagued me since I first realized things were not right, so that I can enjoy the reward of my emotional efforts and enjoy, without nagging thoughts, the relationship I have worked so hard in rebuilding with the beautiful and amazing woman that I am back with.
You are welcome Wounded Warrior and welcome to the blog.
It’s weird for me after coming here. Listening to Hg, my emotional thinking lessened quite quickly.
Then finally I had enough.
I haven’t contacted him and a miracle occured I thought I was sexually dead after him.Lo and behold I fancy someone else.Nothing will come of it but at least I know I can feel desire again. I really thought I was ruined.
Thanks Hg
Kiki
I‘m gonna be honest and vent my spleen (that wonderful organ where they said dark humor resided, l’humour noir). This super nova thingy: do we need to be super empaths to experience it? What does it mean when people say I went supernova on him? (I’ve read this a few times in this blog). Can I experience it too, or do I need to be a super empath -which I doubt I am- to be able to do it? Could anyone please explain, from an empath’s point of view, what you mean when you say you went supernova? Thank you all for your time.
Hi SP, When I was new here and have read this Super Nova article, I thought that I did a Super Nova against my MRE sister and against my narcish stepdaughters (I’m still unsure what they are since they’re still young, early 30’s and mid 20’s). That’s because I fought back and in the many times that I did, I believe that I have scored or wounded them (although now I know that most of the time I just gave them challenge fuel although I have also wounded them a lot of times which is probably why they hate me more). I believe that there is a confusion to a lot of us about what a Super Nova really is. HG has said that only a Super Empath does a Super Nova. A lot of us believe that we had Super Nova because we fought back. But apparently not all types of fighting back qualify as a Super Nova. That is why I was shocked when HG said that very few are Super Empaths because I thought how can there be very few Super Empaths? Does that mean very few fight back? Which is hard to believe because I think it’s human nature to fight back when a certain point is reached. And I think that HG will clarify what’s the difference of a Super Nova vs a Standard or Co-D empath fighting back in a future article called ‘The Cliff’.
Correct.
Thank you, Mommypino! I don’t fight back. I simply lose interest and leave. I’m actually the master of ghosting so narc’s silent treatments were answered by my longer silent treatments, he always came back. I am not a Super Empath I guess so good bye, super powers!
You’re welcome SP! I think that the best way to find out is through an Empath Detector. I think that Super Empaths leave or ghost but fight back when due to circumstances they are unable to leave. I don’t know what school I am in but I also would ghost if I had a choice but with my circumstances it was hard or not possible. With my MRE sister I was new in the country and didn’t have a lot of money so I took advantage of the free rent by living at our deceased father’s house with her where she also didn’t pay for rent. The second time was I felt that I had to help her because she was homeless and I was the only one that was willing to house her and I helped her to honor our dad. With my stepdaughters I got sucked in the cycle back whenever my husband said that none of us cared about him because we cannot get along so I resumed the connection with them even without them apologizing because I was the one who cared more for their dad. Although no I’m complete GOSO because the way they treat my toddlers glaring at them or ignoring them and implying that my kids are not as beautiful as them are just unacceptable and also because I overcame the guilt with the help of HG’s articles and books.
Μommy Pino, I don’t fight because I lose interest. When I notice he doesn’t adore me like I adore him, I lose excitement instead of feeling eager to fight. Now, if he had a sadistic streak or tried to hurt me or my own, I am ready to die. And he knows I would and would take him down with me. I am also very vain and have a strong self-esteem so when he started his attempts to gaslight I simply laughed and shut down the computer, I know what I’m worth, and he also knows I am not insecure unlike his wife who is very co-dependent. But I totally doubt I’m a Super Empath at all and honestly, I don’t care about it, I just feel curious about the super nova Mode because it sounds like a power ranger transformation and it’s cool.
Hi SP, I am the same with romantic relationships. I need a guy to be really in love with me or I will lose interest. That vanity and love devotee trait makes us susceptible to love bombing. We are not parto al human beings like some Normals that I know who have been happily married for forever but their union turned from romantic to friendship and yet they are both happy because they are not love devotees but practical people. That’s also how narcs can seduce an empath away from a Normal husband who may not be showering the empath with adoration. In my opinion it doesn’t really matter if we are Standard or Super Empaths because both have a stronger ability to disengage from the narc. I think if someone is worried that they may have co-dependent traits, it does help for them to understand their vulnerabilities because they are the ones who have a hard time with removing themselves from the unhealthy dynamic.
I had a typo, I meant to say *we are not practical human beings like some Normals that I know.
No worries, Mommypino! I don’t know if it was my jet lag or unconscious filling of info but I read it alright 😊
I forgot to comment: “implying that my kids are not as beautiful as them” WTF. I would be like a mom lioness. You are way too kind, Mommypino.
Thank you Sweetest Perfection. It did get me so angry and that’s why I went GOSO although I was sucked back again and went GOSO again but now for good. When my first child was born, they visited (out of obligation) the hospital to see him. They had a very bad reaction to my pregnancy although they only voiced it out to their dad and only gave me present silent treatments in person. First thing my older stepdaughter said was that my son is not as long as my stepson who is now 6 ft tall. Their dad is 6’1” and I’m 5’3. Both stepdaughters are tall, older one is 5’11” and younger one is 5’9”. Their mom is 5’4”. They have made such a big deal of me being short since they met me like it’s a disability or unattractive. My son was born 21 inches and she said that her brother (my stepson) was 22 inches. So she said that my son will be a shortie. Right now though he’s predicted to be 6’ on his 18th birthday based on his percentile. The birth length doesn’t automatically predict adult height because babies from short moms tend to be born shorter and just catch up later on based on their genetic predisposition. Then when they visited when he was one month old, my husband said isn’t he cute? My older stepdaughter said, “he doesn’t look like us. He has Filipino nose.” I said of course because he has a different mom. Your mom is Italian and I’m half Filipino. Then she was looking at him like he was gross. I wasn’t sure what her problem was and I was taken aback by the Filipino nose comment. What does that even mean? Is that a bad thing? Then after that she and her younger sister talked to their dad in private in our backyard and he came back looking angry and exhausted. When they left he told me the horrible things that they said about him and me. That he was replacing them with me and my son and that I only married him for his money and I’m a gold digger etc. So since I wasn’t there to defend myself, I emailed them confronting them about the things that they said and that I did not appreciate them implying that my baby is not good looking like them. They replied with a long horrible email including a statement, “I’m sorry that you think that we find your baby ugly. We actually think that he’s kinda cute.” And the horrible email war went on with the two of them ganging up on me while I breastfeed my one month old. And unfortunately we didn’t have that email war on Facebook so none of us had the ability to end it by blocking each other like we used to do. We all wanted to have the last word. The youngest stepdaughter forwarded my email to her to her dad so he intervened and ended it by telling his youngest to not read my email to her and delete it right away and telling me to not read my oldest stepdaughter’s email to me and delete it right away. Then the next day while I was so angry and disheveled from that fight those two stepdaughters posted some selfies of their brunch looking so fresh and happier than normal. Now I know that it’s because I gave those energy suckers tons of challenge and pure fuel. Although the succeeding things that I did wounded them pretty bad. I notice that when I REACT I do not wound them but only give challenge and/or pure fuel but when I slow my anger down and punish them in a calm and calculating manner is when I did things that according to how HG described wounding, wounded them.
Oh and after that I reconciled with the stepdaughters because my older stepdaughter got pregnant and my husband really want us to be one family so that our son could play with his granddaughter etc. Then I gave birth to a girl and she happened to be really beautiful even to the conventional Caucasian standard of beauty and she’s blonde unlike my stepdaughter who spends so much money to maintain her fake blonde. My daughter was four months old and my husband was carrying our baby when he told his oldest daughter with a smile, “she reminds me of you when you were just this small and I was carrying you like this.” And he meant it in a sweet way but for some weird reason she got mad like she was insulted and blurted out, “I was never that fat! We have different body types. I was never obese. I was slender since I was born.” I said, “you have no way of finding out a person’s body type at four months old. She’s 60th percentile in weight and 97th percentile in height. She’s far from far. But then my husband joked, “yes she is! She’s my little chubby wubby!” Which I ended up straightening him up about that when it was just me and him because that really annoyed me. But yeah, they have this habit of always comparing everybody else’s looks to them. I don’t want my kids to develop a complex so I’m maintaining my No Contact with them. I agree with WhoCares when she said we shouldn’t carry other people’s burdens. They are my husband’s burdens so he gets to deal with them and accept the bad treatment from them. As for me, I’m focusing on my little ones because they are the innocent ones.
Mommypino, I hate people that call babies fat. What are they supposed to do, run for the New York Fashion Week? Idiots. I was a fat baby and I kept my chubby rolls with pride. Nobody believes me until I show them pictures. I was a fat baby. So what. What that woman shows is a very strong inferiority complex, even against a baby!
Lol I agree SP! It’s not like babies have an option to eat salads instead of milk! But she is weird. She actually controlled the milk intake of her own baby because she didn’t want to over feed her baby. I can’t understand that. From both of my kids, they just stop drinking milk when they are full but none of them became obese. Her dad was so angry at her for that because we saw her baby always cranky and crying like she was starving. My husband thinks that could be the reason her daughter is slightly delayed with stuff.
Mommypino, I’m not gonna say what I think about your stepdaughter but it’s not nice and it starts with a b. Being Filipino is beautiful and no one has a right to make you feel inferior or worse because of your ethnicity or origin. Reading this made me really sad. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
Thank you Sweetest Perfection. 💕
Walang anuman/De nada, querida Mommypino 😘
Aww you’re so sweet! Your name is so apt for you. ❤️ One time I explained to my husband that the closest direct translation of de nada and wallang ano man in English is ‘it’s nothing’ and not ‘you’re welcome’ even though they are both being used as a response to thank you. He thought that it’s weird and not polite and you’re welcome is more polite. Which is an interesting difference in the outlooks of different culture. Both the Spanish and Filipino culture’s outlook says there is nothing to be thankful for or it was not a big thing or not an inconvenience at all whereas the English says ‘you’re welcome’ with a mindset acknowledging what was done but it was done or given with pleasure. Both are actually gracious and polite but just coming from different outlooks or cultures. 😊
A few remarks, MommyPino.
One – HG wrote somewhere (don’t remember where) that he does not need much sleep, and also that night is like a reset – all good and rosy after sleep, due to compartmentalization. I noticed the same in your post related to your stepdaughters. And I noticed the same in my Nex – morning, she was a different/new person.
Two – I also agree with you that being an empath or a super empath is not something to be very concerned about. I think that’s more interesting for the narcissist. For us, GOSO is the answer, and that’s the same for both classes.
Three – I hope you’ll be able to deal with your predilection to get so annoyed by remarks about physical appearance… I think that’s one of your vulnerabilities, quite obvious even now, from your writing. They found it and pressed on it, and no doubt they enjoyed this immensely… Your husband was right – that was the correct answer about your little daughter, full of love and joy and pride – and if he agreed with your later “straightening him up”, he only did it because he loves you!
Hi Abe Moline, Thank you for your observations. I don’t have a predilection to get annoyed with comments regarding appearance. The annoyance that can be read from my comments were not just coming from the remarks regarding my children’s appearance but also from everything else that they have done. I have a very long history with them. I started dating their dad in early 2008 and throughout that period until last year that I went completely N.C. with zero chance of being sucked back in, they have done so many things that have caused me to have a not very good perception of them. My sensitivity to their remarks is heightened from the accumulation of all of the previous things said and done towards me and all of them were done by them to assert their superiority over me. And also, I have no doubt now that they enjoyed my emotional reactions but they didn’t insult my and my kids’ appearances because they saw that as my weakness. It is something that they did regularly to everybody. My younger stepdaughter’s roommate was short and average looking and also got insulted and made fun about her appearance. They both comment on how they are the only beautiful girls in our county. My older stepdaughter have always made fun of her best friends’ looks although she did it behind their backs. They are both very obsessed with their looks and they rank people based on appearance or income. And the remarks on appearance is just one that they targeted about me, they also criticized my parenting, heritage, not putting enough make up, and pretty much anything that they can think of.
Also just to clarify on the “straightening him up”, maybe I didn’t use the best words since English is my second language. When it was just me and my husband, I talked to him that he disagreed with me in front of his daughter when I was defending our baby. I know it probably sounds ridiculous that I am defending a baby that doesn’t understand that she was being called obese or fat at 4 months old but it was not the point for me. I felt that my husband’s oldest daughter is already laying down the brickwork on establishing her superiority over my newborn in terms of appearance at that time, eventually it will also be about intelligence, behavior, achievements etc. I was nipping the bud. I saw her do it to her younger sister who worships her which is why I’m not sure if my youngest SD is a Lesser or a Co-D. But ever since I have met them, they have been operating on this permanent mindset that is not allowed to be challenged that the oldest daughter is the most beautiful and smart and the youngest is not as beautiful and is dumb.
I’m looking forward to the release of The Cliff also, and am sure it will clear about a lot of confusion about fighting back vs SuperNova. That is if people actually read to understand the article. I say that because there are so many who still refer to themselves as SuperNova empaths and not the event that it is. That could be another drinking game.
Haha NA! I know Super nova is a reaction or experience vs. Super Empath which is a type of Empath. But I don’t understand any of the two. I’m also looking forward to The Cliff.
Lol NA so true! Super Nova is indeed a great name for a drinking game. I really think that HG should trademark that name and Super Empath. I saw a survivor on YouTube with a channel for supporting narcissist victims referring to herself as a Super Nova.
Yeah NA, why ARE there so many people who call themselves supernovas? HG is very clear on how he describes the SE.
I think I went Supernova a couple of years ago (I’d love an HG example). I lost my mind. But it was so extreme because I was processing an incredible series of losses that set my soul on fire. I’m afraid sometimes that it will happen again, possibly worse (because there are people in my life that I care about even more than that). It probably won’t.
I felt what the narc did was so inherently and fundamentally wrong and that he must understand that somewhere in him. I felt that the universe would not allow this, the very laws of physics would correct this, the truth would prevail and that ultimately he would understand. What I mostly did was…I knew he was still using me. He still does, I believe, pursues the pieces that he wants with no regard to the ways I tried to forgive that ultimate failure. It is my fault too because I feel I can’t cut the burden from me (it has dissipated some), I see it as my weakness. He will never admit it, he is a parasite. So I lost control and moved into complete intuition, some other force was guiding me. I kept drawing him closer with the thing he wanted, like the undertow of a wave, and then slamming him forcefully, out of anger, pain and a feeling of wanting to fix. I knew enough about his insides (that’s being generous, read: ego), even though he tried to hide them from me while I did not ever do that, that every blow was meant to land. And I did it continuously for a long time. I felt that saving him meant killing every part of him that was hollow and so sure of cheating death, but I still was dealing with a pain and sadness that he refused to face.
There will never be any love in my heart for him. Not in a thousand years, there is no saving. I will never get tired of knowing he is wrong and to me there will never be any change for eternity.
The thing that he wants, he says it’s just a little nothing, sub-par coming from me, in fact. I know that’s not true or he’d fuck off (for real, not in denial). I’m probably not any better, because that thing I want is for him to have a revelation. Probably just to tell him it’s not good enough. And for him to amend something that is bigger than me that I always felt.
Disclosure: we were never lovers. I don’t need reminded. We were never friends either.
I still didn’t break any of my real rules though. No lying, no privacy violations, no smearing. To me it was his own self causing the damage and I reflected it… and also my stupidity. Initially I thought that “right” would prevail and of course he “loves” so sanity would easily be the default, it’s a life lesson dealing with narcs.
Btw, SP, I know what you mean about silent treatments, I do have the ability to walk away from people and mostly have no problem doing so.
This being a non-romantic interaction and having some other things going on severely complicated things for me.
I still don’t fully understand all the school/cadre stuff, I’d love to read more and usually want to quiz HG.
Thank you, NB. Wow, that’s a very intense description, I guess you need to experience it to fully understand what you’re talking about. As for silent treatments, I know a lot about silence for reasons I can’t explain here so he will never beat me on that one. Something funny I wanted to share though: he’s hoovering me as we speak. Here we go! Spam spam.
Ha, SP, resist the hoover! Thank you for reading, it was a bit cathartic for me actually, but I will now have to dissipate the intensity (won’t be difficult).
Silent treatments used to get me very shaky and upset because my mother could do them for a long time. I have some neuroses in life, I mostly like my job because it allows me to manage my energy levels easier than some.
Nunya biz. Some fully understand the technical terms, but miss the entire heart of the matter. No worries. HG says more is coming! Cheers!
When, PSE, when???
: D
Nunya Biz. Why, `in the fulness of time.` of course!` All in due time.` In the meantime, HG will straighten all of this out. And still dance the snake dance when his team wins. I wish I knew what the snake dance was though. Maybe it is British thing…or, perhaps I don`t want to know… lol
In a few years, if only you could have some patience Nunya 😀
PSE, I love that “in the fullness of time”. I googled “snake dance”, I don’t know what it’s referring to, but some weird things came up.
shesaw, ha, I don’t feel like I’m being toooooo impatient, right?
Nunya, that’s a matter of perception, off course 😀
NB, Thank you for an illustration of a Super Nova. It sounds very intense. That has never happened to me. Although I have never met anyone that has done enough that I felt the universe would not allow. The closest experience that I have where I felt that it was so fundamentally wrong and the universe would not allow was not against a narc but against the US Embassy in Manila when they have denied me thrice a visa to visit and meet my dad who was dying of cancer. Lawyers both here in the US and Manila that my dad paid said that I do not have a chance to see my dad in person before he dies and that he can start the process of me getting the US citizenship but it will take about 15 years before I can come over to the US. I believed that our Creator will not allow such an injustice to happen to me so I did some Yahoo and Google research and gathered the pieces of evidence that I needed to get my US citizenship which I got within months. I took the route that the lawyers didn’t think of which is to prove that I was legitimized before I turned 18 because my dad sent financial support and signed my birth certificate. I felt that God guided me and that was one of the times where my Tenacity brought me something
valuable and a great victory. With my MRE sister, all that I did when I thought that I went Super Nova the first time was noncompliance in every opportunity that I saw. She said that she doesn’t want me to inherit anything from her mother which was understandable so at first out of kindness I complied. But when I realized that she was doing it to put me under her power and she was ungrateful of my consideration for her feelings, I asked my brother to add a few items of their mom to my list of items to inherit. Also since there was the three of us as heirs, I was the tie breaker with voting so whenever she and our brother wanted the same item or could not agree with something about the estate like whether to repaint the house etc. I always voted with my brother so she would lose. I also did little manipulative things like make a face when her friend praises her to me to give them a hint that they don’t know her that well and also whenever she was going to introduce somebody to me or show me something I always acted like I have zero interest.
Also just to note, I didn’t keep any of their mom’s items that I inherited. I sold them as I didn’t really want those items and to have something that belonged to their mom felt wrong. I just claimed them to show her that I can do what I want.
I just found this, MP.
That all sounds very strong.
I am getting better. I have had to work more on training myself not to respond with support or affirmations to things that are not in my interest in order to make someone else feel better because they seem distressed. Making small changes has had an overall positive impact on my every day life, often times just keeping my mouth shut, like how you describe making a face, or like when you voted against her- just being hardline and not talking myself out of doing things I should do that are clearly right, but lately I have decided only to speak to people willingly who are not manipulative and otherwise just keep it to necessity and it has been good so far. My new employer finally told me that she greatly appreciates me and wants me there (she seems to appreciate balanced positive energy and constructive relationships), and my three older female clients all in a row today seemed to be unable to stop themselves from spontaneously hugging me before they left, the last one told me that I am a blessing.
This has been very positive. A lot because of eliminating as much negative forces as I can I think, but it has been a developing process of small steps. The blog has made me understand what is the source so I can maneuver better and I have hard core cut out several people.
I have been reading some of your stories and it is of course obvious your step daughter is a narc and you have your sister. I’m sorry you had to go through so much alienation and hatred. I have some alienation with my in-laws that has been frustrating and for the most part people just seem to act like it’s not happening or pile on, so I’ve just come to accept it. But I really like how you keep your step daughter away from your kids, I am a firm believer that is the right thing to do. My sister in law made that choice with my other sister in law and I thought she was doing the right thing. With some people you just have no choice. Your step daughter is nuts and your kids’ development is too precious and usually pressures to deal with that stuff instead of GOSO come from things like your husband’s desire for the kids to play together. I was heartbroken to have to give up so many of those family dynamics that are cherished in some families, truly heartbroken, but life isn’t fair and I’ve just had to accept that.
I liked what you said about normal people being able to be practical. I’ll come back and read more of the conversation.
I was just now remembering your flip flops story : )
I have been thinking about you, btw. I’ve been very very busy with work and had temporarily turned off some of my notifications a few weeks ago because I needed a break, and now I’ve got to figure out what click combination I did to turn them on originally.
Thank you NunyaBiz your message was so timely as I have been having a difficult time regarding my matrinarc and it’s always nice to hear from a friend who understands narcissism.
Yes the flip flops story. I remembered it too when you described your Super Nova and said that you don’t break your personal rules like you still didn’t lie. I did lie in the flip flops story as I falsely accused the pervert predator of stealing from us in order to punish him for watching me take a shower through the small window of our bathroom. Before that his maid told me that I should be careful of him because he’s a pervert and he actually molested her and he has molested other women too. I remember being so furious when I caught him and repeatedly telling myself, “he had no right.” I reacted the way my Lesser matrinarc did where I stabbed their screen door with a knife and threw the flip flops outside the hollow block fence but they just ignored me so I decided to help my matrinarc in framing him up by making her statements stronger and using our old jewelry receipts as corroborative evidence. It was one of those moments when the half narc in me surfaced and I had no empathy for him who was a pile of garbage in my mind and his wife who was clearly an enabler. That’s why I asked HG if lying is a dirty streak because I did lie but still feels no guilt for it. I also lied a lot to my matrinarc when I was still living with her in order to experience some life like go on dates which I was not allowed. Although when the flip flops story happened I was only 15 and I was in my last year of my high school and didn’t even know if I will have money to go to college and I remember that I hated my life at that time. I have changed so much now so I don’t think that I can testify falsely against someone now. Also I don’t live in the slum area anymore so I don’t encounter low life people like that anymore which is a really wonderful thing.
NunyaBiz I’m so happy about your work experience. I’m so happy that they recognize that you are a blessing because you really are. It is wonderful that you picked the right place to work and you are being valued. It is very important and you definitely deserve it. It is wonderful that this blog has helped us recognize red flags to stay away from people that are harmful to us.
And also Happy Mother’s Day to you by the way!!!
I just love that story, MP. I lied a ton as a teen, for the same reason. My mom was mean and wouldn’t let me live so I lied constantly. I probably only got caught 25% of the time I’d guess (no clue now). But she’d watch me like a hawk.
I bet you could testify falsely, haha. I wouldn’t cross you.
JK, : D
But actually I could do a lot of “wrong” things in the right circumstances.
Love and happy Mother’s Day to you. I hope you are doing OK with matrinarc things. What is happening?
*hugs*
Thank you NunyaBiz!
The matrinarc things is beyond my control, I’m just dealing with it with an attitude of acceptance of what will be will be. She has tuberculosis, she had it a little over a month ago. She was found and taken to the hospital by my relatives whom she smears and cuss out all the time. She was prescribed a medication that she has to continue taking for six month. She was taken to the hospital again by her relatives because she couldn’t breathe. She said that she started to feel better after the first bottle that she took for one month was finished so she didn’t get a new bottle of medicine because she thought that she was already ok. So water accumulated in her lungs and they took the water out in the hospital. My relatives felt so bad for her and have been emailing me on Facebook that my mom needs me. My mom said that they have been wondering why I turned out to be such a bad daughter. And she said that she told all of them to just understand me that I have an American blood and Americans are not very loving to their parents so it’s just in my nature and not my fault. The whole thing is so frustrating with me not knowing who to trust and not knowing what’s going on. I can’t go home there because I have two little kids and I don’t want to expose them to the sickness there at such a young age. It’s crazy. 😖
Hi NunyaBiz, I just talked to my cousins through Skype and everything is better now because my mom is already better and ready to leave the hospital. Yesterday was really hard because I was on the phone with my mom and she was starting to tell me that she knows that she did a lot of wrong to me and she was asking for forgiveness and I had to hang up because I was getting overwhelmed with what she was saying and I didn’t want her to notice that I was crying on the phone. Too much craziness. But I’m glad that she’s ok now and I don’t need to go home there. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. 😊
Geez, mommypino, you just get it from all sides, I’m so sorry. Well I support your decision whatever it is. And I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that you are not a bad daughter.
My mother has said much similar to me, mainly things like
“I don’t know why you can’t take responsibility for anything.”
(responsibility for her happiness is what she means)
“I don’t know where you got your nastiness from.”
(apparently has a poor memory, and did tell me she never hit me)
I do appreciate HG’s narcspeak article, it took awhile to sink in precisely so that I could actually hear it when people talk and I am often able to now.
For example a girl got hired at work same day as me. I had been frustrated after my interview because I could tell the business owner was a fair and decent person, it was obvious to me. I could also tell she had some narcissistic employees in the past who had caused her difficulty (no surprise at all). I also could tell that she couldn’t tell if I was one or not and that she didn’t know exactly what was up. So I went home frustrated because I wanted the job with a non-narc employer, it meant I could instantly get relief in my life from several problems at once and I didn’t even want to interview anywhere else. She would be handling all clients essentially and no one would have my direct contact information or be able to sense that I was alone. I can actually just do my job, imagine. Wth is wrong with narcs, they take every good thing you try to do and turn it into some unnecessary twisted hell game of misery. Like I think “oh everything’s normal” and they’re like “NO THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY, let me see how I can fuck you, myself, and everyone else by randomly choosing who to treat like shit.”
Anyhow, the other new employee I immediately suspected was a narc. I went home again and told my husband how I knew she couldn’t tell and that this woman was going to be out of a job very soon. One of the first times I met her we had already spoken a couple of times and then she was complaining about something and I’d expressed a desire to help and she looked at me and said suddenly, laser focused on me,
“OH, you are just *sooo* sweet.”
No I’m not. And all I saw on her face were fangs.
I’ve thought about what to do, mommypino, when my mother is dying. I truly might do nothing. Her golden child daughter will likely take over and also covet the proof that I was always the problem. It’s a tough thing, I hope you can handle it in a way that is healthy for yourself.
Thank you NunyaBiz. I feel better now after talking to my sane cousins. Only one person was judging me and she’s not even blood, she’s just the daughter in law of my favorite aunt. She was getting annoyed that her husband had to drive my mom to the hospital to the city which was an hour away. But my cousins and aunts were more than happy to help. My mom just exaggerated it to me I guess so that I would try harder to prove that I’m a good daughter using imaginary cousins for triangulation. Well the bad daughter and her husband are the ones paying for the hospital bill because she doesn’t have insurance and she didn’t take her free medicine supplies by the government like she was supposed to. The bad daughter is also the only one paying for her financial support including rent, food and everything else. Oh well, it’s not fun but no one else will do it and she will not survive. I just think that is my charity work. I do care about her but I have to admit that I was trying not to be emotional and be like a Carrier Empath to focus on solution so that it doesn’t hit me very hard emotionally. I am planning to also not let myself get emotional if she dies, I will try my best to take it in a logical manner. I have given up long ago on that dream of having a real motherly relationship from her. The best I can do is accept all of this as a fact of life and just pray for her.
And I agree, her grandiosity made her think she didn’t need the medicine anymore. Too much craziness coming from her too. My cousin offered to have my mom stay at her house so they can all help wash her clothes, cook her food and remind her to take her medicines and my mom was telling me in front of all of them on the phone that they will just slowly kill her with misery if she lives with them. I can hear my cousins voice telling her that they will not kill her. Just so much craziness. She’s a Lower Lesser, what can I say. My poor cousin.
“Wth is wrong with narcs, they take every good thing you try to do and turn it into some unnecessary twisted hell game of misery. Like I think “oh everything’s normal” and they’re like “NO THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY, let me see how I can fuck you, myself, and everyone else by randomly choosing who to treat like shit.”
Lol NunyaBiz that is so perfectly said. They have to make everything so complicated and full of drama. Every month that I send money to my mom, it always becomes so hard, so frustrating and so complicated. Just giving her the Moneygram remittance claim number has to always be so cumbersome when it’s just an 8 digit number. Nothing is ever simple with them.
Be careful with that narc coworker. I wouldn’t trust her. She sounds very territorial and insecure. Maybe you could ask her some questions from the flushing out the narcissist articles.
And it’s narcissistic of her not to take her meds.
Wow, mp, I’m glad to hear that she apologized to you. I hope it is cathartic. I’m also glad she is feeling better.
Thank you NunyaBiz, it wasn’t cathartic for me because I don’t want to put any stock in it. I’m just at a point where whatever she says is whatever she says and nothing else. I am just focusing on her being taken care of. It caught me off guard though because I wasn’t expecting it. It was making me emotional and tears were coming out nonstop and I didn’t want her to notice it so I hung up. It was starting to feel good which I cannot allow because this is the same person whom I knew for so many years have no care on my feelings when she was strong and didn’t need my help. I have forgiven her on my own and accepted that she has a disorder and I don’t need her apologies. But I am really happy that she is feeling better now.
Yes, mp, it is exactly because of where you are that you are able to help her and she is asking you to be super woman as an appliance, so keep your head separate like you are or she’ll drain you, she can’t help it. I would be so grateful for someone to take care of financial things like that I would cry.
I’m sadly amused at the idea of someone telling someone they will kill them with misery by helping them.
Ugh…my daughter is a pill this week so far. And I get worried about it, we are in major eye-roll territory. She is 11 and I’m calling hormones, but still we will be having ongoing conversations about being proactive, autonomous, and accountable and not passive-aggressive.
Ah, the old triangulation. I’m glad to hear she was exaggerating and the cousins weren’t actually narc-ing out on you, because that just makes things way more difficult.
As far as the coworker, I’d guess she’s not the brightest and another reason I wanted this job is because I could tell the owner is pretty no-nonsense and not an emotional reactor, which very much helps me out. I don’t need the emotional reaction at work, so it’s not a negative to me (and compliments are sincere), and a narc won’t get very far, all of the current employees are nice. I think her experience has taught her to just be logical and she very much is. So I’m pretty sure the woman is already gone, I had initially clocked her as wanting to manipulate herself out of her own job (victim?), so I stepped in by taking all the hours so there would be no issue or need and she already cancelled a few people including a client that could have been given to me instead, so I showed up in 15 minutes to cover it. That was my little, subtle, wordless handling of the situation. There is no issue.
Where are the “flushing out the narcissist” articles? I vaguely remember seeing, but I really think I should reread what there is and I searched but don’t know the right keywords, do you remember any?
Hi NunyaBiz,
Here are the links for the articles:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/narcsite.com/2017/04/29/exposure-5-ways-to-flush-out-the-narcissist/amp/
https://www.google.com/amp/s/narcsite.com/2017/04/30/exposed-5-further-tips-to-flush-out-the-narcissist/amp/
I love this blog so much because of all of these info that HG is giving us. I really felt like finding the Mother Lode when I found this site.
It’s so true about your observation regarding your narc coworker. They do seem to sabotage themselves when they feel that their way out is coming. Instead of trying harder to stay or achieve something like tenacious empaths like us would do, they do more things that will sabotage themselves so that they have other reasons to blame (blame shifting) aside from themselves (lack of accountability) or their real inadequacy (inability to self reflect). This makes me feel lucky and proud that we are empaths. Especially since I know that if I turned out to be a narc I would have been a Mid-Ranger or maybe a Lesser with my temper but not a Greater. I would rather be an Empath thank you.
Yeah, I was getting paranoid because I got several emails from cousins saying that my mom needs me and one of them from my cousin’s wife has a tone like she was talking to a dead beat daughter which I ended up having a fight with the other night. I told her I help people too but I don’t talk to them the way you’re talking to me. I told her if she’s resentful just don’t help. Then my mom also told me lies that my cousins were wondering why I have become a bad daughter. But thankfully my cousins clarified it to me that they understand my situation. So I am very happy now that everything turned out just fine. Thank you so much NunyaBiz for helping me get it out. 😘💕🙏
Oh and NunyaBiz, it’s absolutely brilliant the way you have been dealing with your narc coworker. I love that you don’t even let her have her victim hood. I Love it. 👏
That is smart, mp. My more detailed post I made along with the other one crossed with yours.
You are doing great, imo, I admire it : )
Thank you for the links, mp!
You’re welcome!!
SP, how did you fare with the Hoover yesterday?
I was reading yours and SMH exchanges on another thread and noticed you mentioned that drama brings life when things get boring. I don’t think we intend to go looking for it but when the void shows up or things get hard, sometimes it’s a welcomed distraction – until we know what it really is. My partner says that life is always interesting (aka unknown) with me and why can’t I just be steady and predictable like others. I’m not sure if he’s normal or co-dep, I think you said yours is an E?
Narc noob, I physically refused to react because I think of HG looking down on me and saying tsk tsk. But emotionally I’m all over the place. I secretly want so badly to have an email from him making me feel beautiful and wanted again. Then I go back to my logical thinking, which I have personally renamed as “party pooper” thinking, and realize that he is probably bored of dealing with his old IPSS who happened to be the new IPSS when I was the old one and so and so forth and then I feel super mad and recover my dignity and feel calmed again. It’s a lot of work, it’s a lot of work. In order to create stimulating novelties, which I so need, I reserved a week on the beach with my husband as soon as I go back home which is this week. Yes, I agree with you: I am not aware of liking drama and I don’t actually look for it; I think I am a drama magnet. My husband says life is never boring with me😎
SP sure!
Of course I had been doing this before I understood. When I first read it, it clicked. First off, it’s not the red mist descending, it’s far far more controlled than that. It is a sudden sharp burst of brilliant clarity where details that I would have normally missed are right there in front of me.
Since weaponisation, I believe I’ve only entered it once. I was being sexually hassled by a guy who was not taking no for an answer. On the 6th time he did this, I had a good few seconds where I consciously decided to either accept or reject the SN. I chose the former and he got it. Not anger; I calmly threatened him. It felt awesome and very empowering.
He never bothered me again. Contrast that to others who were in his group who asked me once and with a polite’ no thanks’ they never bothered me again. Normal behaviour.
I call it running the ‘narc-lite’ program. Of course, you cannot stay that way and then I experience the emotional ‘howlback’ where I need time to sob uncontrollably and in private. Of course the guy was a lesser. The first time he approached me, I knew it immediately AND I knew he was going to be trouble.
Which reminds me, a question to HG.
The phenomenon of people crying after orgasm and especially women is noted and it’s something that I have experienced since my mid-ish 20’s.. I never know where it will happen or what triggers it. It just does. When it happens, it hits you like a ton of bricks. I immediately turn away, I do not wish to be touched or held (unusual). I will again, sob uncontrollably, as if my heart is breaking. I feel pain, grief, sadness magnified to a level as if someone very close to me had died. The trouble is; they are not MY emotions! There is no context to them! I may cry like this for 30 s or so before it subsides.
Then I am completely back to normal.
Tell me if you can HG, what do you think has gone on here? Could it be allied to the SN do you think? Is it something peculiar to the SE or do others schools experience it to?
Man of the world that you are, I’d be incredibly surprised if you haven’t witnessed this HG yourself. Have you?
Hi Twilight—I’m starting to recognize your posts/name.. I’m sorry you are having a hard time. I don’t like it either—I’m assuming you had a difficult work scenario? Are you a nurse? I swear these people often get called out eventually. A travel nurse with poorly proportioned pig tails (no distinct “part”—very unattractive) threw code drugs at the trash hurling them histrionically near me this weekend. I got an apology via FB messenger the next day:
Omg. I’ve been thinking about you since work last night. I need to apologise for being a dick to you. I’ve been thinking about you since stop even when I woke up. You have too much going on and don’t deserve me being a dick to you just because I was having a difficult time adjusting to coming back. I’m sorry. Did you feel me thinking about you?? Geez.
Genuine? Seems like blame shifting on “coming back” (she likes it where we are.. bullshit) Basically what I’m getting to—HG is teaching us to think logically and take emotion out of it. It seems to be helping tremendously. Your “mid ranger” when “dissected” is behaving as a automaton of sorts based on needs related to their defense mechanism. Pathetic. Please look at it like a machine—it’s not a person with a full range of possibilities that can be of genuine benefit to you. Seeing it/the for what it is is freeing, enlightenment.. This poorly constructed apology is not genuine by the way. It’s facade management based on her being called out by another peer of mine.. The shenanigans are not so baffling these days. Best of luck and I don’t know the whole situation of course but looking at them like toasters (how they view us) is helpful.
Kate: Do not look at it that way. It is said that there are over 7 billion people on this planet. If by chance you can spot the bad ones early, you have a shot of a more fulfilling life, and will bypass many land mines that could blow you to pieces. You are actually ahead of the game. That is not a bad thing! Hold on to any good people you find, for dear life. I just lost a good person who is ensnared recently by a narcissist. Now, that is truly sad.
I am in a bit of a bitch mood today….Midranger made a fatal mistake with me, I don’t fight….
Long story short she decided to project her anger and inability to deal with it onto me. Falsely accusing me of of making her look foolish, no I know my job and can communicate and get what needs to be done, done. That was the first day she was here. She got pissed off at one of our doctors and blamed it on me and what I had done. I have sat back for the last month observing…..you leave me with 4 patients to your one and then pile your stuff for me to have to clean just to use it, the switch was flipped and now she is gone.
I provided the evidence to push her beyond her threshold and lose control and let the insults fly.
I can not stand to be around midrangers and lessors.
Twilight you did what you had to, when you had to do it! She’s gone now, forget her and enjoy your Sunday. I realize you are in a bitch mood, however you don’t know how happy it made me to see you are still here, bitch mode or not!🤗 I have been saying your prayer every night and holding you in my thoughts and in my heart!! 😘🙃
FM1T
You made me smile.
I haven’t left completely, yet. I still walk in the shadows.
I know in my heart once I close this door I won’t be back. I am being pulled in a direction that will serve a higher purpose then staying here and once I commit fully to it my energy will be directed towards building that up.
Twilight I understand the purpose you need to fulfill, I don’t have to like it however! That is just me being very selfish and not wanted to loose the person who after all of
FM1T
I don’t see you as being selfish, remember we are all connected and never really lose another it is only our perception of loss that triggers the emotion we have associated when separated from something we have become attached to be it a person, an item, a place or thing.
Twilight
The two words that I have the most trouble with, triggers and emotion! But I will try to remember it this way. I don’t think it is going to work though! I can’t see my phone screen through all of the tears! 🙃😘
FM1T
Your going to be fine, besides I am still here for the moment.
Your got me all teary eyed.
Twilight I think that is only fair since you caused my floodgates to open!! 😝😘🙃🐺
FM1T
Well then you best hand the tissues. This may take a while.
Oh Twilight! Hahaha! 😘😘🐺
Sometimes I hate WordPress! Twilight, As I was saying, that is just me being very selfish and not wanting to loose you. I have spent so many years thinking there was something so very wrong with me, and that I was the only one that felt this way. When I finally discovered last week that it wasn’t, and I had finally found someone who not only felt the same, she also understood it, to simply put it into words I cannot do. But I don’t want to dwell on that now, you are still here and I want to enjoy the happiness and tears that I felt when I seen your comment this morning! Yeah!🥰😘 A’ Ho 🐺
Twilight you’ve changed you gravatar. The flowers are quite beautiful!
FM1T
I did.
They are gorgeous. I was surprised and a little overwhelmed when I received them.
They made you happy! You deserve that! 😘
Twilight are going tell me who the flowers were from? Or must I guess? 😉😘
FM1T
No I won’t. I am sorry. I thought the flowers were pretty why I changed my picture.
I will say for a moment someone made me feel special to them. I don’t believe I am on their mind much and they were just being nice via sending the flowers.
Thank you Twilight, You must of been on there mind when they sent those flowers! 😘😘😘
Twilight: ~~There`s no place like home~~ I am sort of new here, but it is good to see that people still come back and visit, even when they are off to new things. PSE
And here I thought for years that my ability to drop abusers without a single grievance made me a bad person.
Agreed.
I can break things off in a rather swift and sometimes ruthless fashion. I have often wondered if I was actually the jerk? I really don’t think so, but has crossed my mind. Once I see you for what you are, I am pretty decisive without too much emotional back and forth. Or at least I won’t ever let you see it. I typically don’t say much initially when the mask starts to slip. Just stay relatively quiet and observe you until you reveal yourself. I may bring up a behavior that has made me feel uncomfortable. But by then, i am already starting to disengage and lose interest. Ultimately, if I don’t like what I see, hear or feel – you get zero access.
Life is too short for so much unnecessary drama.
Hi HG,
It truly is overwhelming at times reading your insights. You seem to tie together every loose end and make sense of what I can never articulate. It is as if you hand me the right piece of the puzzle everytime.
Is your knowledge of the super empath based on your own experience with themand therefore you created the idea/title of the super empath or Is it common knowledge amongst psychologist etc..?
Are narcissistic behaviours such as infedelity and promiscuity then seen predominantly in the super empath as opposed to the empath or co-dependant as a subconscious need to feed their inherit narcissim?
Cheers!
It is based on my experience. It is not a term in common usage and not in the way I use it.
Infidelity is a narcissistic trait and can be found in any empath. The strength will vary between schools of empath.
Dearest HG: Where is all this talk about infidelity and promiscuity with the Empath coming from? Is this common when their Narcissist trait comes out, this trait takes the forefront? There are so many traits to choose from, why is this one being mentioned.
See the Dirty Empath articles re infidelity. There are other Dirty Empaths also but I have yet to write about those, but I shall.
Dearest HG: Fascinating! I know of the Dirty Empath Marriage Breaker: I loved that info. you provided on this topic. It is wonderful that you could explain to them what happened. Some readers, I noticed, were so confused about how they could do, or anticipate doing certain things, that they previously thought were not in their character. I feel happy to see that some readers on here escaped with their marriages still intact. And that now they will be “always resisting.` I am eager to read about the other Dirty Empaths. On another note, also speaking of what I am awaiting, please do not forget that you were going to utilize, the Thread of Ariadne at some point in your writings. Just a reminder for your list. Of course, all “in the fullness of time.“ 🙂
Infidelity can not be found within the Contagion,
The trait is there for all empaths, whether it turns into a streak is a different matter entirely.
We will have to agree to disagree on this HG.
Fuel Factory I myself am a Co-Dependent and can honestly tell you that infidelity and promiscuity have been with me since I was a child.
This one really tripped me up on not being a narcissist and it seemed impossible to be “empathic.” Me too. Although, despite lots of silly banter in regard to such activity I’ve basically lost the gumption for “casual encounters.” It kinda makes me nauseated and it’s just too potentially disastrous. The emotional quagmire is too disproportionate to what I can stomach right now. I’d honestly even kick Bradley Cooper out of the house right now. Ugh.
So you should as he is one of ours.
He’s so hot though.. Yeah the infatuation with Lady GaGa is strange. But yeah—I do not have the capacity for any of it. The mister ex is actually equally attractive but I’m finding the veneer repulsive.
Say whut!? I’m gonna tell my mom immediately, she loves Bradley Cooper.
Claire. A person I am acquainted with said that Bradley Cooper is very skinny in person, almost fragile looking and that he hides his thin frame with his clothing, and that he has almost a feminine physique, almost feminine in build, and that he is “all nose“ facially. So…….there`s that. Some people, I guess, look better on film than in real life. She said he looks better on film. So, it seems that he was not her taste in men. I hope this description did not make him even more attractive to you. 🙂
Ugh. Not really into women.. And a half version is certainly not appealing. I’m not saying Jennifer Garner isn’t cute for instance—but I don’t want to have sex with her.
I sent this to HG after reading his comment and decided to plug it here. Her description
of how made her feel tells so much more than saying he is a prick..
https://dlisted.com/2014/05/11/jennifer-esposito-slaps-at-ex-husband-bradley-cooper-by-calling-him-a-master-manipulator/
Claire: I read the article and this line really caught m attention, especially the last 2 words here: `Before Suki Tapwaterhouse and Squinty Zellweger, Jennifer Esposito was Bradley Cooper’s original beard…` I wonder what the reporter means by `original beard`?
I’m not sure if you are pretending not to know PSE, so if you really do not know, it means that they are suggesting he is gay and the women are just a cover. Was also known as a lavender marriage.
Dearest HG: But, couldn`t that be interpreted as defamation, by Bradley Cooper? The beard comment? Some actors still sue when there gender intimate preference are mis-represented in their opinion. Or, if they are not `Out?` They believe it would hurt their career, especially if they are fortunate enough to be cast as as a leading man. So, I was surprised the phrase was used in print, unless it is not always what I would have thought it meant. I was surprised to see, `his beard,` the 2 words, published, HG. And, that is why I wanted to know if by chance the phrase could have any other possible meaning whatsoever. Lavender marriage: That`a good one. This line of discussion is all Claire`s fault. With fans like Claire, Bradley Cooper does not need any enemies. 🙂
Many celebrities are used to such speculation, it is of course fuel and the rumours are often used to the celebrities advantage.
Dearest HG: Okay. So, there is a lot of possible, at least some low level, fuel for Mr. Cooper if he peeks on here: He has been (1) branded a pathological Narcissist, (2) and he has been kicked out of Claire`s bed, (3) and he has been called a half woman (4) and feminine in manner and physique (5) and a man who has at least 3 women to have been his beards (5) and he is a possible unsatisfactory, short time at most, boy toy for Gaga, (6) and he is called not good looking off film (7) and called big nosed (8), and now (9) called not appealing by one of his fans as she thinks about him a bit more and (10), all this finally alluding to the fact that he will probably end his days in a Lavender marriage, if that would be best for his celebrity brand. Not bad. lol.
I just saw this! Yeah—he is indeed kicked out of bed!
Claire, it could be the case that Bradley Cooper has feminine traits and lady gaga has masculine traits, so it is sort of a face-off? I heard he was a bit feminine in real life. Just like Matt Damon. I was horrified when Matt Damon was cast in the Bourne movies. I had read the books and it was a terrible miscast. I felt better when Matt Damon also said he was not masculine enough to play Jason Bourne, but he took the part anyway. At least he was honest about it. Cooper would definitely be Gaga`s toy until she breaks him or becomes bored and discards him, or he runs away with his life in his hands.. She has a big appetite for stuff. However, I am biased, because I lean more towards disliking her than liking her. That meat suit was the turning point for me. Calling her fans monsters was too mocking for my taste as well, but the meat suit closed the door. I liked Bradley Cooper in the movie, Limitless. I have not seen Cooper`s other movies. He is probably a mid ranger. He seems whiny.
The link I posted confirmed HG’s assertion. Why? His ex could have said a bunch of lies, sure. Oh no—much better. She described how he made her feel. Read it—it’s spot on. She did get slammed in some of the comments of course but I know she knows:)
He would be a mid ranger because he isn’t dripping with intellect.
It has always been apart of me also! I don’t really identify with many of the other narcissistic traits so it was a little confusing until I read this.
Fuel Factory it has only been recently that I have begun to understand that we posses both empath and narcissistic traits. So I am just now learning how to decipher which one is taking hold of me at any given time. I am finding out that the over abundance of emotion and feelings that I sense are all part of a survival mechanism that has been in place since childhood. I’m hoping to learn more about the possibility of this being the case in a consult with HG. I wish you luck in finding the answers that you need.
FM1T, when I was in first grade my mom told me to make a list of ten kids in my class to invite to my little house birthday party. So I sat down and wrote the list thinking of each person I wanted to come. I gave it to my mom and she told me that I could not invite ten boys to my party. She eventually convinced me to replace two with girls (I think I remember it was two so they wouldn’t be the only girl), but I resisted at first. It wasn’t a plan, it was just who I wanted there.
No, I just thought about it again. I’m pretty sure I argued it down to one.
Nunya I would always much rather be with the boys then the girls! 😂. In fact I am going through some changes in my life right now, and the one change I thought I was so sure about, I’m not so sure about now. I have been approached with a different offer, one that is something different then what people would expect me to do, but now I think it might be time for me to do what I want and not what others expect me to do? Have a wonderful day sweetie! 😘🙃
Do what you want to do FM1T! I hope things are good for you.
XO
Things are getting better nunya, I think it’s about time I started doing what I want. Thank you! 😘😘🙃
It is very difficult to be an empathic person.
Thanks to this website I’m learning to recognize the threat.
But the more I know, the more it seems to me that every human being may want to hurt me.
When I was small in kindergarten other children sometimes spoiled toys.
I felt a great sadness then. It seemed to me that these toys suffered.
I did not want toys to suffer and feel pain.
I think I have been empathetic since birth.
I read your articles and I avoid contact with other people more and more. I see this falsehood, lies, manipulations.
The worst thing is that people do not even want to get to know me better. In the center of attention is always someone who speaks the loudest, who praises the most, no one wants to deal with a shy person.
After unpleasant experiences with my ex-boy I had the impression that only I knew his real face although I did not know him too long.
I wondered why his friends do not see what a bad person he is, I wonder if they’ll ever find out. I know I have to avoid narcissists and psychopaths but I have the impression that I am paranoid and I can see narcissistic features in the majority of people I know.
I can not get rid of unpleasant memories of people who have hurt me.
What hurts most is that someone only met with me to humiliate me. It would be easier if it was just about sex I would think after all is a healthy young man who has sexual needs and wants to satisfy them.
But it was only about control and humiliation. I did not even excite him.
“I felt a great sadness then. It seemed to me that these toys suffered. I did not want toys to suffer and feel pain.” Kate, I’m the same way. I remember every time my parents got rid of an old sofa to buy a new one, I kissed the sofa goodbye. Same when my dad said he was gonna trade his old car for a new one, I kissed it goodbye and said “you were a good car.” Now I know I was not alone ☺️
Wait, I am the anti-narc! Instead of treating people like appliances, I treat appliances like people! I don’t think either extreme is very normal…
SP
That made me laugh, the anti-narc. Fwiw I have had goodbye moments with cars and furniture and other objects. Definitely with the toys too when I was a child.
Yay!!! I’m not crazy!
Kate: Do not look at it as if you did not excite him. You did. Just not the way you wanted to. You could provide him with fuel, and to him, that is a great compliment, according to his value system. They do not find fuel from just anyone that drags by, ok? So, in his own way, you had value. You had the type of fuel that he energizes himself with. Just not the value you want to have with a person. Just, take it slow in the future to make sure that you and other individuals have the SAME OR COMPATIBLE value system. HG says the Golden Period can not last forever, because it takes energy. So go slow. Time, will be your Guardian.
Well said, PSE.