7 Sayings on Cessation
1. After everything that I have done for you.
How can you leave me after everything that I have done for you? I gave you the world and now you have thrown back in my face. I of course only gave you everything because I wanted something from you. I did not give you my all because I loved you. I gave you so much because I wanted everything from you and I was so close to taking everything from you. Now that you are trying to escape me, you are suggesting that I have failed and that I am not brilliant nor magnificent and I cannot stand for that to be the case. I want to blackmail you into staying. All that I gave you were not gifts, they were bribes and now it is time for you to earn them, so you had better damn well stay.
2. But we belong together.
We do belong together because I own you. I bought you with my false affection and dishonest love. I attached you to me and bound you in chains that are long and thick and you dare try to cast off those shackles. I do not know where you end and I begin. You thought that was romantic the first time I told it you but I was actually telling you a rare truth. You and I are one because you are subsumed into what I am, I consume you, I envelope you and I control you. You cannot walk away from me now because we are too enmeshed, too attached and too conjoined. You are tearing me in half. There is no you. You gave that up when you allowed yourself to be drawn towards me and bound so tight to me that you became part of me. What has been joined together can now not be undone.
3. I will die without you.
You cannot leave me because if you do you shall surely tear my poor heart from out of me. That is suitably dramatic and is designed to pull on your heartstrings even though I am telling you that this is how brutal and heartless you are in trying to end our relationship. I cannot allow this to happen because I have not finished my seduction of your replacement and if you go now you will take away my precious fuel before the new source has come online. This will leave me panicked, chaotic and driven into a frenzy in order to gather fuel from other sources, if I am able to that is. If I cannot I will no longer exist and it is all because of your selfish, wicked behaviour. How can you cut me down like this? How can you slay me in such a callous fashion? Heartless harpy, seditious slattern and callous crone that you are.
4. I cannot help what I do.
You cannot leave me just because of what I have done and what I have not done. How is that fair? I thought you were a fair person, open-minded and caring, are you not? I doubt it now as you are intent from getting away from me and all because of the way I have treated you. Look I am sorry, really I am, but I cannot help it. You make me that way with the things that you do. No, I am not trying to push the blame on to you, I am explaining it to you if you would at least listen to me. How can I explain that it is just something that happens when you are walking away from me? I never intended for it to happen you know, it just happens and you should be the one apologising to me because you make me lose my temper with your control and the games you play,you are doing it now you fucking bitch, I hate you, do you hear me? I hate you. It is your fault. Not mine. I can’t help it.
5. Why do you want to spoil everything?
I really do not understand you at times. I mean, what do you have to complain about? We live in a beautiful house, you have an expensive car, a platinum Amex and I let you do whatever you want but still it is never enough is it? Yes, I know I sometimes i have to lay down the law but if I didn’t you would spend us out of existence. Do you know how hard I have had to work to build all of this? It doesn’t just spring up overnight and I did it for us. You have used me. I welcome you into my life and this is how you repay me by spoiling our idyllic life. You would be nothing without me, do you know that? You have a fantastic life, all provided by me, there are hundreds of other women who would give their right arm to be with someone like me and you are going to throw it all away and leave. I knew there was something not right with you, you need help,you are insane. Ask anyone and they will agree with me.
6. Who will help me now?
You cannot leave me, who else is going to help me? I have kept you here under figurative lock and key, a virtual prisoner in your own home because not only do I need you to fuel me but I need you to mother me. That was the agreement when we got together. I would feed you false love and fraudulent gratitude and in return you would cook for me, clean this house, wash my clothes, cut my toenails and wash my hair. You would wait on me hand and foot and be at my beck and call. I cannot do all of these things on my own and I haven’t got the energy to find someone at such notice with you leaving. You are such an awful person, to leave me like this, especially when I am ill. Who on earth does that to someone? You should think of others and not just yourself you selfish cow.
7. Don’t go, I will change. I promise.
You really are going to go aren’t you? Good Lord, I didn’t see that coming. I thought you were good for another six months of abuse and mistreatment before you somehow plucked up the courage to try and escape me. I don’t like to admit it but you have caught me out and now I am concerned, I can feel the control slipping away from me and I have to get it back, I have to stop you. A crack around the face has worked in the past but something in your eyes tells me that even giving you a good hiding won’t stop you going, even if you have to crawl out of that front door. I know, I will throw myself on your mercy. You will like that. You have always been trying to save me, well here is your chance. I will change. I will get help. Just please do not go. Of course I mean it. I will do anything to stop you going and taking my precious fuel away from me and making me look a fool in front of all my adoring admirers. I cannot have that happen so yes, I will get some treatment, I know I have done wrong and this time, more than ever, I will change. I swear it on the lives of anyone who springs to mind so it seems like I really mean it. Of course I don’t, why should I change? The only thing that will change is my primary source of fuel but that is not ready yet so you need to stay. Please. I will change. Don’t go.
12 thoughts on “7 Sayings on Cessation”
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I am having a terrible time today with ET, feeling hurt. and second guessing myself. I feel so crappy about this whole relationship. I know I’m not getting what I want out of it. It’s getting to be perpetual misery. Why can’t I just walk away?
What are you telling yourself, Kelly, that keeps you in place?
I’m sorry if I got too personal and if you are not comfortable to share! There are many classes of reasons we choose to stay. I understand those high ET days, and the reasons were different on different days. The good news is you came here to help yourself!
No,not too personal at all. We’re all revealing here. I had to think about your question. I’d have to say fear keeps me in place. Fear of so much. Not physical harm though. There’s a small part of him that I love. But logical thinking is dimming that. Then emotional thinking rushes in… I appreciate your words, and of course all HG offers. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing, Kelly! HG and this site help so much! Have you tried a consultation with HG?
Fear is so powerful. I’m glad to hear that physical safety is not one of your concerns. I have heard many times that the natural inclination to fear is “fight or flight.” Only once, during a class, did I hear it is actually “fight, flight, or freeze.” I understand the freeze part when it comes to the fear of the non-physical areas (mental, emotional, etc.). Personally I tend to fight or freeze. Sometimes we don’t know our strength and what we are able to handle until we are finish walking through the fire and look back. I experienced it myself and truly it took blind steps, with faith and hope, to move forward.
That small amount of love will play a significant role when emotional thinking takes hold. It is good that you are working on the logic part of it. Whether you stop the small amount of love or not, how do you feel about you? Is that small amount of love for him more than the love you feel for yourself?
Kelly, you answer your own question with your first sentence. ET is why you can’t walk away. When you say “why can’t I just walk away” I get the feeling that’s not the first time you’ve said those words. I know that feeling of misery and the dreaded feeling that you’ll never find the strength walk away from it. Try something new. Escape. Commit to giving it a real try. Once you escape learn all you can, strengthen your logical thinking, talk through the pain. You can recover from the pain of leaving the narcissist. You can’t recover if you stay. Staying is terminal.
I would guess it is because you tied your dreams to this person when you fell in love with him. You may mistakenly believe if you leave you lose someone you love and your dreams too. You do not. You lose only someone who cannot love you or share your dreams. He did not choose to be as he is, but he cannot change it either. Let go and take care of you. Choose you and your happiness. All your dreams go with you and you will have a new opportunity to find someone who can and will happily share them. Take care.
Getting There, FYC and Mercy… Thank you! I appreciate the thoughts and advice you offer! It gives me things to think about.
Truly
Cont. Ted Bundy: (1) “When you work hard to do something right,” he told Hagmaier, “you don’t want to forget it.”[125] Consumption of large quantities of alcohol was an “essential component”, he told Keppel, and later Michaud; he needed to be “extremely drunk” while on the prowl[309][310] in order to “significantly diminish” his inhibitions and to “sedate” the “dominant personality” that he feared might prevent his inner “entity” from acting on his impulses.[311] ~~Wikipedia. (2) In the end, Lewis agreed with the majority: “I always tell my graduate students that if they can find me a real, true psychopath, I’ll buy them dinner”, she told Nelson. “I never thought they existed … but I think Ted may have been one, a true psychopath, without any remorse or empathy at all.”[329] Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has been proposed as an alternative diagnosis in at least one subsequent retrospective analysis.[330]~~Wikipedia.
Dearest HG: I watched the 2002 Ted Bundy movie on Youtube, and then I read about him on Wikipedia. What a guy! As late he has also been diagnosed as also having NPD. Watching that movie and reading about him, it seems almost 100% accurate, but, one thing bothers me, and I would like to hear your thoughts on this: Ted Bundy said that he would drink copious amounts of alcohol so that his inner self would be suppressed and then his inner self would not stop his other self from committing his horrific urges. He drank to set free his horrific self. So he drank so as to suppress his inner self and to allow his other self to do the horrific acts he committed. This sounds in reverse from what I understand of NPD.
Hello, H.G.Tudor.
By the way, learning and understanding your toxic logic is fundamental. I will have to work on it. Always H.G. so brilliant in all his writings.
You want to learn the toxic logic, because you know, buy his book Love and Loathed
Hello, H.G.Tudor.
You mean in points 3 and 7 that we Ipps, by supplying the negative fuel for your need for contrast we facilitate the seduction of the new Ipps, right.
Seduction could not occur so easily as they are not embedded and if they are mistreated and vexed they will quickly run away from the narcissist. As these also have to supply the negative fuel. They are not embedded, nor hooked and therefore they are not prepared for the mistreatment that ensues, if the current IPPS decide to do GOSO, they would need the fuel of the IPPS or IPSS or NISS?