7 Sorrows of the Narcissist
1. I am sorry I went away.
You probably said something that I did not like, you may not have said anything at all, but you did something which criticised me and I wanted to punish you so I disappeared. I am not going to tell you what I was doing whilst I was gone but I only thought about you when I looked at your pleading texts and missed calls. The rest of the time I spent it with your predecessor who I wanted to be with because, well, she hadn’t criticised me. Of course, she spoilt it and that is why I have come back to you pretending to be sorry. I need your fuel again, so here I am with my false remorse.
2. I am sorry I didn’t listen.
I didn’t listen to you because you have nothing of importance to say. Ever. That is compared to me. You should listen to me more because I do not like it when you do not. In fact I hate it. I rarely hear the words you say anyway, you are actually wasting your breath. I am far too focussed on the emotion that is spewing from you, your hurt, your frustration, your anger and your hatred. That is what I want to listen to. That gives me the fuel that I crave. I will pretend I will listen to you in the future so you provide me with some positive fuel for a while and then I will become deaf to what you have to say once again.
3. I am sorry that I hit you.
You made me do it because you will not do what I want and you will not give me what I need. I am torn between needing you and being disgusted by the fact that I am bound to someone as pathetic as you, when I am so brilliant. I am concerned that what I did may be detected by others and consequently the façade that I have created and maintained to everyone outside these four walls will be damaged. I am concerned I may have to spend some of my precious time charming law enforcement if you are treacherous enough to report me.
4. I am sorry I was unfaithful.
If you paid me more attention I would not have to do it, or at least, perhaps not as often. It was your fault that I went elsewhere because you do not admire me like you used to do. You should do so. Everyone admires me and you should be no different. I am irritated that I got caught because I thought I had covered my tracks and been cleverer than you. I am annoyed because you have scared off the other woman with your histrionics and now I am going to have to use my time and energy to find someone else now. I had a great little set-up there and you have ruined it with your interference. Just as you always spoil everything.
5. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you.
I really cannot be bothered having to support you when you are unwell. I find it a waste of my time because everything should be about me, not you. I do not like to be reminded of weakness. I see too much of myself when I do. I need my energies and time to carry out my machinations and gather fuel, not to play nurse maid to you. I do not care that you have looked after me, that is your role. I am too great to tend to you, it is beneath me. I am concerned that my lack of caring and attentiveness has proven the last straw however and my false contrition is purely designed to stop you leaving me.
6. I am sorry I am not a better person.
I am better, way better than you and everyone else, but I know you are fixated with the idea of making me better, changing me and healing me, so I say this to make you feel sorry for me and to hint at the fact that I want to change and become someone better. I am never going to change but I do love to keep you hanging on thinking that I will as this stops you leaving me and deserting me when I need my fuel. I will keep mentioning this so you stick around until such time as I have lined up someone else and I have drained you, then you disappear for all I care. In the meanwhile I will continue to insinuate that I am capable of change and improvement so that you do not go anywhere else. I need my fuel after all.
7. I am sorry for myself.
At least this one is true. I feel very sorry for myself and with good reason. I am just trying to get through life and deal with the jealous people, the envious people and the horrible people who are trying to hurt me. I know there are hundreds of them and I have done nothing to them, yet they insist on trying to hurt me. It is a terrible burden to carry, knowing that there are so many people out there against you, especially when you are as a wonderful and as brilliant as I am. I need your pity, your sympathy and your empathy. Give it to me. It is all fuel. I do not deserve to be treated like this do I? I am human too you know.
7 thoughts on “7 Sorrows of the Narcissist”
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When he got caught cheating, he denied it, naturally. After a few mos after we broke up he told me he broke and is still broken. He broke? He almost broke me! What the heck does that mean?
He broke? Do you mean he said ‘he is broken’ if he did and he is a narcissist, then that is a pity play designed to manipulate you.
Love this article, made my night reading it
Do you think all targets of narcs feel the urge to manipulate back, push back, and pay back the narcs, once they are IDd?
Some Ns are smarter than others, and I try to rationalize situations.
One coworker insisted that I called him a predator publicly, on FB, which was absolutely untrue. He inferred this himself (the shoe fit?). When he couldn’t prove it, he swore he had multiple screenshots, which he “couldn’t produce bc he blocked me” (makes no sense, doesn’t matter). Then accused me of “playing psychologist” and “deflecting” by putting words in his mouth (which is what he did).
This was the director of a film I contributed greatly to, and my daughter’s first film role. How do I act at the premiere? Do we skip it? That will hurt my daughter, I think, but she’s too stoic to say so.
No, not all victims feel that way, some are combative, some want to herald the ‘truth’, others want to help, others want to try to get the narcissist to see the error of their ways. There are lots of different ways your ET seeks to promote the continuance of your engagement with the narcissist.
With regard to how you address matters moving forward, I need more information and therefore recommend that you organise a consultation.
Hello, H.G.Tudor.
In relation to the book love and loathed, the bomb launch. I loved it, because last Sunday my mother threw one of these bombs when we were all at home. Quite a show…
Now everything is much clearer, for me. And well, nothing is enchanted by the book.
My eyes itch from reading books and blogs but this is healthy addictive… So revealing.
If you want to know what is the bomb launch, you know, buy the book love and loathed.
Hello, H.G.Tudor.
Seven excuses just to get more and more fuel from us. But now, we know the truth. These lies no longer have such an effect. Because the empathic one that to understood will make Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu like the cat. and will leave running. Better not even make Fuuuuuuuuuuu, which is fuel and just run away and stay out. G.O.S.O