The Saviour Empath
There are four schools of empath (Co-Dependent, Standard, Super and Contagion). There are many cadres of empath which layer on to those schools. These cadres include the Carrier, the Magnet and the Geyser, about which I have written previously. A further cadre is that of the Saviour Empath.
The Saviour Empath’s mission is to heal and to save, to ensure that good prevails. They are the archetypal believer in the idea that there is some good in everybody. With regard to our kind, the Saviour Empath does not consider that we are intrinsically ‘evil’ or ‘bad’. They prefer to adopt the view that there is good locked away inside of us and that it just has to be discovered, unlocked and set free. This notion of course and the desire to address this apparent goodness is a very strong binder which enables us to keep a hold on the Saviour Empath. Indeed, there are those of our kind who will play on this concept and this is addressed below.
The Saviour Empath feels an overriding need to save the world. They wish to right the wrongs, heal the sick, tend to the injured and ensure that injustices are overturned. It is this desire which is at the very heart of the Saviour Empath. The Saviour Empath is often someone who subscribes to a belief system (whether it is organised religion, karma, paganism or similar) although the absence of such a belief does not discount the person as being a Saviour Empath, but a reliance on a belief system is a hallmark of the Saviour Empath. How does this manifest with regard to each school of empath?
Standard Empath – the Saviour Standard Empath regards it as imperative that he or she comes to the aid of people. They will donate to charity, help out voluntary organisations and are giving of their time. With regard to the narcissist, this manifests as adopting a sympathetic and compassionate approach to the unusual behaviours (when the empath is not aware they are ensnared by a narcissist) of the narcissist. Accordingly, they regard the narcissist as a ‘good’ person (supported by the narcissist’s illusory behaviour during the golden period) and therefore when devaluation occurs they will ascribe the behaviour to arising from a third party event rather than seeing it as the behaviour of the narcissist at work. The Standard Empath wants to assist the narcissist and does so by trying to understand and offer solutions linked to the aberrant behaviour that is being witnessed. The Saviour Standard Empath whilst wanting to save the narcissist from whatever terrible third party event or influence that is causing the behaviour (for example, is the narcissist struggling at work, is he stressed, has he got problems with money or drink?). The Saviour Standard Empath will put themselves in the firing line when trying to assist, but they do not tend to regard the problem as much to do with them but rather another factor which they want to tackle and overcome.
Super Empath – the Saviour Super Empath is akin to a caped crusader who fires into action whenever he or she witnesses injustice. They cannot help but interfere when really it is not their business (this is the narcissistic trait of selfishness coming to the fore momentarily). The Saviour Super Empath will not turn a blind eye to someone in trouble, they will help the injured person and then look to tackle the perpetrator (or at least bring them to account through formal channels). Thus is the Saviour Super Empath sees someone being attacked, they will help the victim, look to fight off the attacker and/or chase them down, either themselves or enlisting help. They cannot let any kind of injustice go unaddressed. The Saviour Super Empath has a very strong moral compass and therefore when they see something that is wrong, it very much boils their piss so they spring into action. Whilst they always look to help people, what really matters to the Saviour Super Empath is bringing people to account for their actions. If they see a person cutting into a queue (line) they will upbraid the offender. If they witness a person stealing, they will look to stop them or report them. The Saviour Super Empath is a firm believer in the need for good to prevail, whether this is in a situation or in a person. With regard to the narcissist that a Saviour Super Empath is embroiled with, the Saviour Super Empath knows that this person has a kernel of goodness and if they only tried to embrace it, let it shine etc then such a difference will appear. They believe the narcissist has it inside of them to make adjustments, amend their behaviour and harness the intrinsic goodness inside of them. The Saviour Super Empath knows that they are a force for good and they believe that the narcissist can do the same. The Saviour Super Empath recognises that they themselves are good people but that they have some degree of edge to them (their narcissistic traits appearing from time to time) and they often regard the narcissist in the same light – a person who has edge but is intrinsically good – and this fools the Saviour Super Empath in to wanting to assist and save the narcissist.
The Co-Dependent – the Co-Dependent who is of the Saviour Cadre finds the world to be a terrible place and wishes to administer succour to the downtrodden, to assist the hurt, and to heal the wounds of the injured. They are less concerned about bringing the offender to justice and more about attending to the people who are left cowering and broken in the wake of oppression and violence. The Saviour Co-Dependent is a person who is extremely caring and compassionate – the type of person who would join Medicins Sans Frontieres and arriving at the scene of a humanitarian disaster would work themselves into the ground to try and ease the suffering of each and every person even though it is an impossible task. They are often overwhelmed by the cruelty of the world and despair at its evil ways, but this will not stop them from trying to save each and every person who is in need of help. This applies to the way they engage with the narcissist. The Saviour Co-Dependent (“SCD”) knows and is absolutely convinced that the narcissist is at heart a good person and with the right application of guidance, support, compassion and tolerance the narcissist will change, will improve and let that goodness shine. The SCD will not give up on the narcissist, even to personal cost to themselves. They know that redemption is just around the corner, that improvement is on the horizon and they will, with a zeal bordering on delusion, grasp at any sign of improvement or alteration in the narcissist’s behaviour as evidence that their faith has not proven incorrect.
The SCD will flagellate themselves in the pursuit of trying to help and heal the narcissist, their emotional thinking and innate desire to do good, plus their own need to achieve validation through their giving of themselves means he or she will continue to try to achieve the impossible. They will not wish to give up, they will see glimmers of hope, slivers of optimism and fragments of possibility in order to achieve their aim of saving the narcissist.
The Contagion – the Saviour Contagion Empath (“SCE”) will manifest their desire to assist as a consequence of the severe impact felt by them of the negative energy, suffering and misery that accompanies the human condition. The desire to save and resolve, to eradicate the diseased and bring about the healing is different to that of the other schools of empath. The SCE needs to achieve this in order to secure balance, which is their primary aim. By redressing the bad, through their saving good works then balance is restored and the polluting impact upon them of the negative energy which they feel – the manifestation of the woe, misery and hurt that others feel – is removed and no longer (albeit temporarily) ceases to be a burden upon them. With regard to the narcissist, the removal of the dark energy surrounding and flowing from the narcissist’s behaviours has a considerable impact on the finely-tuned SCE. In order to alleviate their own pain, in order to prevent themselves from being consumed by the darkness which they acutely feel, the SCE seeks to save the narcissist from their dark self. They similarly wish to achieve balance with their own personal narcissist or narcissists.
How are these various schools of Saviour Empath regarded by our brethren? As you might expect, the SE is naturally desired by narcissists for their empathic traits, class and special traits too. Accordingly, no narcissist will ever shy away from the ensnaring of the SE. There are certain schools and cadres of narcissist however that desire the SE in particular.
Victim Narcissists desire the Saviour Empath owing to their need to be mothered, looked after and saved from their various ailments (real or imagined). The SE’s desire to bring about healing and resolution is savoured by this cadre of narcissist. Lesser Narcissists will not turn away a Saviour Empath, but they are not favoured (unless the Lesser is of the Victim Cadre) since the Lesser has no truck with the idea of being healed or saved. From what? Will be the mocking response as their complete lack of self-awareness means that they have no comprehension or need to be saved in that manner.
Mid Range Narcissists treasure Saviour Empaths because of the fact that some Mid Range Narcissists like to play the ‘troubled soul’ or ‘personal demons’ approach. Whilst unaware of what they are, their awareness that there is something not quite right, coupled with their passive behaviours and need for attention, means that the Mid Range Narcissist truly sees the Saviour Empath as the one who will save him from himself, even though this is just part of the manipulation to keep the Saviour Empath hooked. The Mid Range will revel in becoming the pet project for the Saviour Empath and will instinctively play along by tossing a bone of apparent awareness or improvement in order to maintain the hoped for glorious redemption that the Saviour Empath craves.
The Greater Narcissist is likely to prefer other cadres but again is not going to kick the Saviour Empath out of bed for eating crisps. The Greater may find tormenting the Saviour Empath a delightful machination by increasing the visibility of their dark side so that the Saviour Empath sees a challenge which has to be surmounted. Of course, the Saviour Empath is blind to the fact that the Greater cannot be healed or saved, but that will not stop the Saviour Empath from trying time and time again.
9 thoughts on “The Saviour Empath”
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Nadia I understand how hard it is to get people to believe you when we are trying to explain all of this to them. At times it is so frustrating! Sometimes just getting them to read a post or two from the site is enough. For others such as your Aunt, maybe one of HGs books would help you get the message across? All we can do is keep trying to get the word out there. It is not your fault if people are not yet ready to listen to you.
And also I am the savior. It’s called an Angel of Light! Is much rather be who I am.
There is no way to explain this warped type of behavior unless you actually live it. It’s my opinion but I will say Thank you Mr. H because I understand now how I was being treated was just a sick story going on in my narcissist head. To me a nightmare. There isn’t any explanation that can be understood. I keep moving forward and with each day like an addiction the memories just fade away. His life to me is just so predictable, cruel, horrifying and boring. He is getting old and looks so stupid and ugly with a dark soul that just wanted what I have. Peaceful mind!
Luckily, I don’t think I am a co-dependant now, or Saviour Empath now. I was when I met my ex-Narc, I was in a very bad place emotionally, spiritually, however I took a lot of time, I saw the “good doctors” went to yoga, I changed careers & without medication I just evolved, I do that! My interest remains only as long someone/something is interesting my ex Narc did not evolve at all, I dunno…his games were boring after a while, predictable in his chaos. If I am honest he was exhausting..the more I healed the more tired of him I grew, then I had a very bad accident, but even before the accident, I was moving toward independence and health. Many of the tricks that my ex-Narc used to ensnare me…would never have worked on me today. I would be disgusted by “love bombing” please don’t text me every two minutes! And get angry when I don’t reply…I am at work!!!! I loved the romance, not the volatility, I found my-self saying keep the domination and control in the bedroom! We can role play there! But when my self-esteem was low, and I was weak, guess what I thought? That’s right I mistook his need to control how quickly I responded with “he must really think I am hot” also, I am Canadian …and he had a Yorkshire accent. Insert eye roll here, for being so cliché. Many of the behaviours that I saw in him at first, I chalked up to mean something else, or what I really mistook as he “loved” me…was not love, those behaviours were in fact, red flags & with the help of HG almost exclusively, I have now discovered, his inner working machinations as a mid-range were not love at all. (Not the way I thought it to mean) I am not ready to throw all Narcs out, only him! While I think Narcs are very dangerous creatures…& still fascinate me (I enjoy the Greater’s ability to know himself) someone knowing who they are and what makes them tick, is really attractive. My mind would say, my need for love, and the perimeters of what a relationship is has changed, I would only even consider a Greater. Here is why: if they in fact are interested in making me react positively even if it’s for their own end…well no wonder sex is off the charts! Because they are taking care and special attention to me, in ways that many others couldn’t even begin to….that’s a win win. If they are self aware enough to say look, if I make her react badly to get a little bit “fuel” I could hold off….try and play the long game and wait, perhaps I can garner more potent “fuel” another way….meanwhile getting some extra bits from tertiary, or if agreed upon prior to, a second intimate source….than I would like to think it can work? Not because I am a simp. Or super empath (which I may very well be rather empathic, even after I have healed I often feel the room) I think it could work because, anybody who knows who they are, and what makes themselves tick…is a a head of the game. Plenty of non-Narc’s are equally frustrating with there inability to define themselves, there lack of understanding and introspection. In my view (now) The only person worth being involved with is someone who knows themselves, because that person can define what you mean to them….as long as people are wandering around wondering who they are, or blaming others for there failings (SE victims included) we will lose at a life of happiness.
Hello 🙂
I have a question to all readers of this site.
Mr Tudor says that we should share information with people we like or love to protect them.
But how to explain to someone something that he or she can not understand?
The biggest problem is that people do not believe that there is narcissism, psychopathy and sociopathy in the world.
They think that all Psychopaths are in prison for murder.
People make fun of me when I talk about narcissism. They don’t understand.
Have you had similar experience?
My aunt is 70-year-old woman. She’s a widow. She met a man who was very controlling. They were together all the time. He checked her phone and eavesdropped on every phone call. When a man, a friend wanted to ask something or talk, he was aggressive in a moment and threatened this man. The guy set her against the whole family.
She stopped contacting her family and friends. She stopped doing all the things that once made her happy.
She did not understand when I said that this guy’s behavior is not normal. She thought he was good and caring.She was happy when he was jealous and threatened other men.she said that he was jealous because he loved and he cared.
In the end, I started to have doubts maybe he really fell in love??
Another thought appeared in a moment – really? 70-year-old man fell in love? Does he have any hormones at all? It is impossible!
they broke up many times and then they were together again.
he broke up contact with her a few months ago and he has not appeared yet.
But my aunt still does not understand that there are people who have the pleasure of hurting others.
She says she likes everyone and you do not have to be angry with anyone.
It is sad how much people are closed to learning.
And what’s your opinion on this subject?
Hi Kasia,
I think that elderly people can still fall in love. I have seen stories of them falling in love but it’s not sexual but more about finding a perfect companion that you adore.
I was in a discussion like this before here and I got a good advice from Anm to not use the word narcissist or narcissism and just focus on the toxic behaviors or red flags. People can get immediately defensive and dismissive when you put a pathological label on someone that they care about. But also ultimately we have to recognize that we only disseminate information and people have the right to accept or reject it and make their own choices. We’re all allowed to make mistakes in our lives too. As long as we stay always available for the people that we care about so that if they realize they made a mistake, we can also guide them in getting out of that mistake. It is especially harder with senior citizens. Most elderly people are not very open when it comes to learning new things.
Yes, Kasia… it is disappointing how many people are unaware of narcissism/NPD. IRL, when someone opens his/her soul to me and shares a dysfunctional relationship, I might begin with, “It sounds as if he/she might be a narcissist.” I usually get a response along the lines of, “Oh, no – he’s not conceited.” I once spoke to a fellow about the abusive relationship he had with his stepfather. When I offered that the stepfather seemed to present as a narcissist, the fellow didn’t see that as a possibility since his stepfather “never cared about his appearance.”
There are a lot of ill-informed folks out there. I think that’s what drives HG, in part… knowing that there is a greater need… that his teachings are vital and needed at an even farther reach.
I first studied narcissism in high school, then college and on/off over the past 25 years. I still don’t understand it. I contend that no one truly does unless he/she has been raised by one or until we have been discarded (disengaged or devalued or whatever you want to call shit upon) by one. But I do believe that HG offers the most honest information on this matter. His teachings have helped me tremendously.
It is disheartening to watch a loved one suffer a difficult relationship. If you are unable to lead your aunt to here, perhaps you could print off a few of HG’s articles, if he will allow, or maybe purchase your aunt a Tudor book for her birthday… whatever it takes to get the word to her in a form she will accept. I am hoping that she is able to be enlightened. I wish you the best in helping her, Kasia.
Oh, and I forgot to add Kasia, IMHO, it seems more difficult to tell about narcissism in the older population because so many of our narcissistic traits seem to pop out as we age. Grandmother always said that the bible says once a man, twice a child. And with dementias and other aging issues, it is more difficult to know for sure what you are dealing with unless you knew of this man before he aged. (HG would say that a consultation would prove beneficial. 🙂)
Your aunt’s man definitely has issues! I hate to know that your aunt has suffered because of him. Still, I have worked with the elderly before, and while the hormones ain’t what they used to be, there’s enough there that I often considered some seniors to be quite horny. (Pardon the forwardness, but it’s an easier word to use than heightened sexual awareness or whatever you want to call all that excitement.) And while it might seem unusual now, I’ve seen folks fall in love in their 90’s.
There are just some things that never age.
Dear Kasia,
Thank you for your comment and concern for your dear aunt
You speak of hormones …. which ones are you referring to my lovely ….I’m thinking sexual
I have friends in their late 80s (mainly males) who still feel very sexual and would love to have sex with a willing participant (they can and still masterbate)
The women are more into compliments, being cared for, being loved having loving feelings and to have someone for companionship ….they’re certainly up for a bit of slap n tickle
It’s basically, as long as you both can … you still keep doing it
70 is not that old really
This chaps behaviour is not acceptable, checking her phone, eavesdropping or being aggressive towards others
Some people unfortunately are out to manipulate gullible widows or widowers out of their money
Sadly, when we get older, a lot of us don’t like being told what to do
You can by all means caution your aunt, but it all depends if she’s willing to listen ….. it’s amazing what people will do for love, attention and company …..desperation takes over
She sounds a bit sheltered and naive …. you have a delicate task at hand my precious
No matter how much talking, if she doesn’t listen to your advice, she will definitely be wounded (he sounds like a predator)
Being in love has no age barrier, but sadly neither do emotions and that’s when we make our biggest mistakes
She’s very lucky to have you and I hope she heeds your advice and warning …. you have no control over someone who wont change
A consultation with Mr Tudor would be your best avenue for accurate advice
Best of luck my lovely and heartfelt best wishes
Luv Bubbles xx 😘