Infected
Our kind are like a virus. We attach to those where we know we can infect them. Those who might be immune to us are not selected. The risk is too great and therefore we seek out another host that is far easier to overrun and provides the ideal environment for us to flourish. Your kind are unable to defend yourselves against our viral methodology and it is far too late before you realise that not only has the infection taken a hold and spread, but you also lack the means by which to eradicate it. Yes, you may well be able to reduce its effect and fight back to some degree but just like a virus, we are never completely wiped out and instead we remain dormant, waiting to be activated once more and the nefarious effects of our presence begin to be felt once again. There are six ways in which we infest your life.
- We fill up your inboxes
The joy of technology once again serves our kind well. We are able to bombard your inboxes with our words which come so easy to us. Whether it is your text inbox, messaging applications on social media or e-mail inbox, all of these soon become full of us. The inbox becomes burgeoned with our words. The beautiful seductive messages, the declarations of love and desire, the sexual temptations, the downright filthy yet tempting, the romantic and delicate, so many letters and words which have winged their way across the airwaves to nestle in your inbox. They sit there ready to be opened by you, thousands of little gifts awaiting opening as you thrill and delight as you open each one. We dominate your phone with insults, threats and demands, blitzing you with our hatred during devaluation, the incessant ping and buzz generating a sense of fear and dread in you as another malicious missive lands. You wince as you see another insult and swiftly delete it and then when the loving text finally comes, the relief you experience is overwhelming. Even when have vanished you still scroll through those wonderful and uplifting messages that you cannot bring yourself to delete. You read those beautiful words, yearning for the sender to return and issue them again, carefully crafted passionate announcements, tender statements of intent and romantic overtures. You do not want to eradicate these memories and you allow them to remain in those inboxes. They eventually may not be as full as they once were, but their presence remains.
- We invade your relationships
It seems such a delightful way to be when we first arrive and we want to know everybody who is involved in your life. We go out of our way to be charming and accommodating to your friends, your family, your neighbours and colleagues. You are thrilled at their plaudits as we happily accompany you to dinner with friends, how wonderful to have such a delightful person on your arm at last. Family events become far more fun with us in attendance. Everybody loves us and you love us all the more for it. We touch each and every person who has some connection to you, making them delight in us. We push away those that do not dance to our tunes, like white blood cells eradicating the enemy, we sweep through your connections and remove those who stand in our way. Everyone else becomes a recruit to our cause as we bolster our coterie and our lieutenants. You will come to regret the access you gave us to everybody that you know.
- We sequestrate your resources
Yours is ours. A simple mantra and one we wholeheartedly subscribe to as we avail ourselves of all your resources. We become a fixture in your home, we eat your food, consume your drinks and spend your money. Your utilities become used by us, we camp on to your Wi-Fi and revel in taking anything that belongs to you for our use. You want to go out but you cannot as we have taken the car. You are looking forward to that delicious ham for a sandwich but we have eaten it. The issue of domestic theft does not concern us as like an invading army we march across your territory slashing and burning as we voraciously consume until when we depart, like a departing plague of locusts you are left with nothing.
- We pollute your emotions
Your emotions belong to us. They must always be for us to consume as our fuel. They must always be directed towards us. We establish a lien over them, our option is first to take hold of those emotions. At the outset we want your love, your praise, your passion and adoration. Nobody else is allowed to have these things. They must be poured over us. We commandeer them and ensure that we are the recipient of delight, joy, happiness and admiration. We take hold of your emotional construction and then we twist, stretch and warp your emotions so that you find all of the good feelings have been turned into darker emotions. We demand those too, not only have we polluted the way that you feel, we take hold and seize the anger, the fear and the upset which now pours from you. Our manipulations and machinations are designed to turn your joyful heart black with dread and anxiety. Our polluting madness sweeps across you, unchecked and unhindered.
- We infect your heart and soul
Steadily, gradually and insidiously we plant ourselves deep inside your heart. We coil our toxic tendrils around your soul as we leech from it, both taking and infecting it with our presence. Through the creation of ever presence we ensure that when we call your heart thumps with excitement and your stomach becomes filed with butterflies. Seeing us walk towards you, smile plastered across our faces causes delight to soar as your soul is uplifted by our presence. Those once feelings of elation become dark and blackened but the totality of the effect remains indisputable. We are with you all the time. You see us in different places even when we are not there, you hear our voice when certain phrases are said by others. Music, oh the music, how it returns you to those tender and intimate moments in an instant, tugging on your heart and coursing through your soul. The smells, the sensations and the sounds all combine to pulsate through your heart and soul, a permanent reminder of us. These reminders bring the tears, they bring the joy, they bring hope, they bring anxiety but they always remain.
- We tarnish your trust
The extent of our infection is such that even when you have might have sought to banish us, relegate us to the back of your mind and try to drive us from your life, we still linger, the effects of our tortuous torment of you still very much real and alive. Your ability to trust has become tainted. You dare not trust again for fear of lightning strike twice. You find yourself hypervigilant, second-guessing, assessing and scrutinising and through this heightened state of awareness we remain inside you. Each action or word of another, whether friend of someone potentially even more special awakens the memory of what we once said and did to you. The eradication of your trust has succumbed to the disease of our presence and thus this works to hinder and prevent your recovery.
53 thoughts on “Infected”
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Science nerd alert:
That pic is not a virus but actually bacteria, which can survive on its own. It has its own kingdom–Monera. My personal fave is the circular, double-stranded e-coli. (Everyone should have a fave bacteria.)
A virus is not living–it needs a host, or cell to infect, which in this case a narcissist needs a host in order to thrive. Without it, they don’t exist.
Viruses are always mutating while bacteria are gaining strength in their ability to defy immunity.
I love studying things that make us sick. It can encompass this microbial world, fungi, radiation. It is all fascinating to me.
Just being a nerd. HG, I work with fucking nerds who play Dungeons and Dragons.
I like when I can interject my literary knowledge into their otherwise nerdism.
Example:
Nerd: “Forbidden Planet was way ahead of Star Wars blah blah…”
Me: “You know that Forbidden Planet is based off the play The Tempest, right?”
Nerd: “Really? Who wrote that?”
Me: “Um just a guy named William Shakespeare.”
Nerd: “Really? Thank you for that info.”
Me: “I am filled with lots of factoids. You’re welcome.”
Just another day at my workplace. Nerds are the best.
Well thank you for the Nerd Injection Bibi! I have just made the minion responsible kneel on some frozen peas whilst offering me repeated prayers for forgiveness and absolution.
Nothing wrong with Dungeons and Dragons either.
Something very telling happened to me last weekend. As my Narc was away with another IPSS, I went on vacations for a couple days. A guy that has been talking to me on messenger for two years saw I was I that beach house hotel and he said he was in the same city, asking if I would like to go for tea. We ended up having sex and the thing that surprised me the most, was me. I was so gentle, so nice, so soft, so romantic, all the things I no longer permit myself with my Narc because I keep my defenses with him. I realised that my Narc infected the feminine part of me … But maybe I am healing somehow, because when in security or with a normy I was really able to be myself again. That felt really good to feel that soft and gentle woman in me again. Really good. Now, I don’t really want to have sex with my Narc, whom I declined twice now with makeshift excuses. Maybe maybe… I am getting over him.
Omj, I have a few things to say about your comment.
1. Get it girl! I wish I could get over my sexual hangups with the ex N long enough to enjoy a night of passion with an attractive man.
2. Good for you for being selfish and taking what you wanted and needed. Sex with a narcissist is always about their needs. It can make us forget we have needs as well
3. Be careful. Getting under someone to get over someone is rarely the answer. Make sure you are looking at this experience clearly and not just trying to distract yourself.
3 is never the answer – it brings with it a high risk of ensnarement by a new Narcissist
HG, you are right of course.
Indeed – I will be expanding on this risk, why it happens and what you can do about it.
HG, I look forward to reading your insight on the subject. Could I ask your opinion? Some empaths can experiment with sex after a narc relationship and others cannot. Is this a result of the type of manipulation the narcissist used or is this a difference in the schools of empaths.
Hello Mercy, could you be more specific? Do you mean that post a relation ship with a narcissist, is it the case that a victim can embark on a relationship with a non-narcissist and be more experimental sexually in that relationship and others cannot? Is that what you mean?
HG, yes why can some empaths explore sex with a partner that is not the narcissist and others cannot.
1. Some are more sexually adventurous than others ;
2. The effect of the sexual behaviour of the narcissist has caused a resultant trauma to the victim which means that their capacity for sexual experimentation is removed or reduced ; or
3. The emotional thinking of the victim means they feel that they can only ever be sexually experimental with a narcissist (because the non-narcissist is (wrongly) percieved as boring).
HG, thank you for taking the time to explain. Trauma makes sense to me. Number 1 does not apply to me at all and 3 well, sex is never boring as long as I’m involved haha. I just hope that the desire to experiment has been reduced, not removed.
I have more questions about this subject. I look forward to reading your forthcoming article.
You are welcome.
If there is one place where I do have control over me Narc or not it is sex. I feel like now I am holding back but I could let go for a moment and get back to normal rapidely. Many guys told me I have an on-off switch with sex- and I decide!
That last adventure I guess got me by surprise because I had not allowed myself in the “ on” switch with Narc to be tender and romantic as with this guy I instinctively was.. hope that makes sense! I have a compartimented sex forever – and I get off it and on it at the light speed !
You are right HG so I did not stay over and went back to my room and may take him as a lover but no more.
Not sure he is a Narc but he is a heck of an engagement freak. Lol !!!
“3 is never the answer – it brings with it a high risk of ensnarement by a new Narcissist”
I agree HG. One reason why I took the time I needed before entering another relationship (no i am single, i know what I want and won’t settle for less) I never have one night stands….learned the first damn time pregnant and forced to marry a ULN. As you put it fuck that sky high!!!!!!!
Indeed Twilight. A sensible and constructive approach. The forthcoming article will expand on this.
HG
I look forward to reading the article on this. As you know much of my decisions when it comes to sex has to do with my beliefs and energy now, never has been due to the trauma I have suffered at the hands of your kind.
I do mean I won’t be ensnared again, if I entered another it would be one where we both are aware of the other and that has the same chance of a snowball surviving in hell due to the rarity of Greaters and the fact one would have an extremely near impossible time to find me, much less recognized what I am (a contagion and not one of a different school). Society has not only made it close to impossible to spot a Greater it has made it close to impossible to recognize a Contagion, only that I am mistaken to only be empathetic/empathic.
At the moment a glowing red Empath is what I am…..sunburns suck!!!!!
“3. The emotional thinking of the victim means they feel that they can only ever be sexually experimental with a narcissist (because the non-narcissist is (wrongly) percieved as boring).”
I had this happen to me with that dummy Lesser Somatic. He was completely NOT my type and yet managed to get me to long for him, etc.
I had convinced myself that he was the only one I could ever have true enjoyable sex with (which of course never took place).
Even though he repulses me because he is a boring, lazy bum (he lied about his ambitions, job and accomplishments when I knew him–last when I looked him up he had to foreclose on his house. I guess his truck driving job didn’t pay enough for his mortgage and tattoos) I still found myself envious of his later prospects and it only had to do with the sex act.
He was definitely not shy when it came to bragging about his dick and what he could do with it. I am so embarrassed I allowed myself to sick to that level in longing. I felt a lot of shame as result.
Looking forward to your sex book, however. I anticipate it will be one of your best and most insightful reads thus far.
Bibi—I am appallingly embarrassed that I married a total ass wipe. I sent his picture to H.G. because I was curious if he could tell from looking at his smug dumb ass if he was highly suspicious to appear as a narcissist! He has an entire essence of somatic douche’ism. He’s not as smart as I fancied him to be at first either. He said something about his GPA once and I remember saying something like WTF and he was taken by surprise. It wasn’t awful, low 3’s’ish. I just assumed he would have been more competitive in college. So many assumptions and so many repercussions..
Wise of you Twilight. Time takes time also.
HG has effectively completely removed casual encounters from my range of possibilities. It’s truly ok—the risk of emotional issues and/or narcissistic entanglement is just so substantial. I am increasingly returning to a state of who I am fundamentally and this person simply doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth for it. When previously in survival mode I could do it quite easily—I just can’t now. Who would think it?? Yet on the divorce support site I abandoned it was frequently lauded to be on the dating sites, endless chatter of women embarrassing themselves (unknowingly) with banter of ridiculous dating scenarios. I think one of the final straws was the woman relishing in the attention a 20’something was giving her. She was in her 50’s. I was disgusted as it felt (my intent isn’t to judge) really depraved despite being legal. This is just my experience and thoughts. I know the original post referenced a nice and lovely time. I’m glad it was nice and wish her the best. I almost wish I could, but I cannot—even in the early stages with a normal person I am just incapable.
Claire, this is a comment from Sara on the article Own. I dont know if you had a chance to read it yet.
“I have learned that authentic men move into the more masculine space over time, it is a natural progression but it is not instant. They see no need to compete, they take their time; they have nothing to prove.”
We’ve talked about dating normal guys or sex with normals in the past. After reading this my thought was “that actually sounds kind of sexy”. A man that is naturally confident in himself (not confidence in his ability to conquer) is so attractive to me. It oozes masculinity, and that is sexy.
It’s about even more than a
non-narcissist. I’m admittedly just not able to engage in something at all of a casual nature. It creates a visceral repulsion—obviously I’m done with being a toaster, but I’m unable to be a casual anything and it’s a good thing. I’m jokingly annoyed with HG for it—but it’s a much healthier place to be.
Claire I get it. I’m right where you’re at. I’ve been there for awhile so when I read that comment and went “oh” I was a little surprised. Makes me feel like there’s a future where before I felt stuck and destined to be alone (my choice). I just wanted to share it with you. As far as anything casual, I’m probably done with that for good too. Casual non commitment sex in my experience is a open invite for trouble.
I actually love being alone. I have a blast. I have trouble even seeing my friends because of course I work a lot and have busy kids. How could I possibly add a dynamic which has potential to take more time away from, 1. Me, (I got lost for a long time)
2. Kids (I have horrible regrets for time lost)
3. Professional pursuits I am thirsty for..
Just for sex? To compromise something? I’m not lonely and I don’t need fuel. Risk being hurt by even a “normal” person. No thanks. But if Idris Elba showed up naked on the front door I would make a concession for tea time, absolutely.
Funny … my therapist encouraged me to write my list of needs and sex is not there. It’s not a need anymore – although I can enjoy it –
But affection is. I found narcs can give affection but the real test is the cuddling in bed while sleeping – none of them are able to stand it …
Omj
The cuddling would have to be factored in with many other signs as there are non Narcs that do not cuddle either. I am one of them. I was not used to physical contact in an affectionate way as a child and this is one of the ways it has affected me as an adult. I do not crave affection such as cuddling etc. It is foreign to me and makes me feel restrained and seek escape.
Ditto—and I actually dated a narcissist that did want this sort of thing. I was the stick in the mud. Not sure what his motivation was but he was clearly a narcissist.
Mercy,
“A man that is naturally confident in himself (not confidence in his ability to conquer) is so attractive to me. It oozes masculinity, and that is sexy.”
That’s the whole thing for me. Narcissists are not even my version of masculine. They just fake it for awhile, they aren’t what I consider manly at all. I’ve met men I consider manly (and have been extremely attracted to), they aren’t narcissists. The trick is you can’t convince a narcissist of that, they will point to the fact that you found them interesting before you discovered what they lack. They will never point to the failure.
I had a conversation several years ago where someone asked me what I considered masculine and I said “to be satisfied”. That certainly isn’t a narcissist. But it bears some truth for me anyway, I consider it masculine to be able to build a genuinely satisfying relationship, life, experience for one’s self as a man. Not forever trying to fill a void with things that don’t exist and devaluing things around you (things that don’t reflect what you need to be seen as). It very much contains appreciation, deep appreciation for ANYTHING good and life affirming and loving. And all the other beautiful things male spring from that core.
I feel I am more attracted to empath men than narcissists, I just also have some issue with narcissists (male and female) that causes me attraction and imbalance or something, I don’t know.
And another thing I was thinking about that, I think a man with healthy empathy will encourage strength, where a narcissist will attempt to tear it down or make you feel bad for your boundaries with guilt trips, criticisms, gaslighting, name-calling, which only indicates a lack of strength in the narcissist. I can be susceptible to some of those things when subtle or creep in, but obviously those things indicate weakness in the man, not strength.
Nunya biz, those are very good points. I don’t think I’ve ever been unattracted to normal men. Its just been a long time since I’ve thought about what is attractive to me. The ex narc kept me so confused I didn’t have time to consider it.
It sounds like you have a good idea of what is attractive to you. That is a good thing to know
OMJ, please be careful of making the not cuddling in bed your criteria. My ex husband wanted to cuddle when we were sleeping sometimes.
You are right … we can’t have absolute criteria – that has been only 3 samples :))
NA, I relate to what you are saying, because while I love cuddling, I need most acts of emotional intimacy to be initiated by a man because I also have some fears of it I think, even though I crave it. It is ironically what I think draws me to narcissists.
Yes, Mercy, I feel I just have to be conscious about it. I can see equal masculine traits in men who don’t manipulate, I think I am drawn and attracted to the reduced emotion and logical confusion in the narcissist in some way because I am drawn to interact and be helpful? And also because it balances my emotions probably. I’m not sure, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about. And also because of what I said in response to NA’s comment about affection, intimacy can be iffy for me and narcissists are more assertive about it often. But I have met men who are more assertive about it while having empathy and I guess I have a lot of Carrier traits. But the unusual guys I have the most respect for while being attracted have empathy, I just have to not get involved with certain types of people I think (they I have a natural affinity for anyway it seems).
Re: 3 is never the answer
HG I always appreciate your thoughtful and logical advices to us. It is the advantage of having a logical psychopath who is on our side because you really tell us what is the best course of actions without E.T. polluting it. It really is a clear voice of reason that you provide to us.
Exactly and the fact that you and many others realise that evidences the correct approach to my work.
Dear Mercy … thank you for your comments.
I was also surprised about how easy I felt into this gent arms just for the moment.
I might see him and take him as a lover but I am as you aware that replacing one trouble by another person is often replacing one trouble by another one !!
The Healing was was to feel how soft and gentle and Butiful I am when I feel I don’t have to guard myself.
Sex with my Narc is good- he always satisfies me first and in quantity and quality.
But lately I have less pleasure because I have been more guarded.
Omj, I’m glad you were reminded of your beauty and I hope you keep that inside of you and never let another person make you doubt it again.
And some of you will spread actual diseases, too! -grateful that I didn’t go as far as to test that, but with a somatic, there’s a huge chance of catching something more than a cold.
Sweetest—I was actually drawing blood for syphilis/HIV yesterday on a guy and I kid you not.. “You smell good” (indeed—visit Ambre blends via google) and then asked if I had a boyfriend.. His significant other had just stepped out. He was there for penile discharge. He then asked me how many years were in a decade and how many in a century. I was generally dismissive but did answer his question about the decade not the boyfriend. He then got shitty and almost physically intimidating. Talk about a meager attempt to seduce, low cognitive function and wounding all in 10 minutes.. I don’t think he was a greater.
Claire, obviously he was a lesser and an idiot. My narc would be super charming and would later repost the incident on Facebook as the medical practitioner having been flirting with him or having given him a reward for being such a good patient etc. On another note, now that you mention perfumes, coincidentally one of my two absolute favorite ones -and the one I’m using now- is Narciso for her. Maybe it’s time to switch to another fragrance.
He was a low low lesser. I ignored his threatening demeanor. The golden period was commenting on the perfume! I’m not familiar with Narcisco. Look up Ambre blends. My favorite is “Ambre” and it’s so good I’m unlikely to ever switch. It’s an oil out of a small Indianapolis company. I hear how nice it is multiple times in a day.
Narciso, it’s made by Cuban-American designer Narciso Rodriguez who created the dress Michele Obama was wearing on Obama’s first victory. The name is Spanish for Narcissus, thereon my comment on changing brands… I have a very strong sense of smell too and love oils, will check your suggestion, thanks!
Brilliant.
They offer a sample pack too! It’s heaven on earth. H.G.—a good stocking stuffer for your lady.. Or your sister? Sweetest—another lovely body oil is FHF Agave Nectar body oil. Amazon is out of it but google is kind enough to find alternate stores for you. Nice scent on application with no interference with perfume. My hair requires two separate oils which is another story. Haha
Agave oil? I prefer the distilled version. Lol!
I love “stuff.”
Claire, I forgot to ask: how does someone dare to be such an idiot to the lady that literally has him by the balls (or dick in this case)?
I never examined his penis. No need to—unless there were lesion and a herpes swab needed done. (For instance) The blood work is a new initiative because our patients simply were not following up with the health dept. We used to only test for syphilis in the presentation of certain rashes or suspected brain involvement. Data suggest we are in a highly infectious zip code so combating this on the ground is essential. We even have a person meet with addicted and/or overdosed folks at the bedside now to entice treatment—almost around the clock. I know I’m expanding more than the original comment but these issues are real. How effective is the addiction stuff we do? Very limited. STD treatment—huge.
SP so true! The one who tried to ensnare me was a Somatic too. Glad I didn’t go that far either. Sometimes I doubt if he uses condoms. But his FB has many red flags that he sleeps around. I have an instinct feeling based on his demeanors and vibe that he doesn’t always use condoms.
Mommypino, I did tell mine that if we went any further we needed to use a condom. He said it was OK. We never had the chance to so I don’t know about that, but by his Facebook, I’m completely sure he was engaged with other people, men included. For some strange reason, he was not that explicit or sexually bold on social media before our entanglement but after I escaped, he totally lost it. He has continued to make very bad decisions on what to post or comment publicly as some people told me some time ago, which I don’t give a shit about anymore anyway. If I regret everything that happened between us now, I at least am relieved we never had intercourse.