No Contact No Nos
No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.
Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.
1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and
2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.
As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.
No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.
This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.
12 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos”
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I have mentioned before that it is items of MY OWN that have ever presence attached. Clothing and lingerie that I wore on our dates for example – when I come across them, I want to tear them to shreds. But, they are some of my favorite items. Very frustrating.
Yes, I have blouses and pretty tee shirts like that. I try to wear them now when I can. These are items that I would deliberately wear when I knew he would be around my office, back when I had fooled myself into thinking that *I* was the seducer–ha !ha! Joke was on me.
Oh lisk. The joke is on me too because after I gave in to his overtures, I thought I was the one seducing HIM as well 🙄
This is very true
OMG this is the lightbulb for me. The triggers from gifts he bought me are overwhelming. It’s taken me 8 months post discard to even be able to begin to start the process of removing them.
I broke NC as well just to try and get personal items of mine back and also to give him back his things which are still here which are also massive massive triggers.
I believed he would be decent enough – who was I fooling?!? – to sort this out for me but he did the opposite. Originally he was desperate for his things back and it was the first hoovers I got but the minute I wanted to be rid of anything tying me to him and told him I was ready to sort giving him his things back lo and behold he was so busy for the next 2 months he couldn’t spare an hour of his time. He had the control back again.
What did this do? Cause me more pain, put me further back to the road to recovery, broke NC only to have to begin from scratch again and also confirmed once more just what I am dealing with.
In a normal relationship keeping momento’s isn’t a bad thing. I have things from my relationship with my ex pre ex narc and they don’t give me any triggers or cause me pain, they bring back happy memories despite the relationship never going to be a long term thing. Yet with my ex narc anything he gave me or items of his cause horrific painful triggers and bringing back confusing memories of happier times that weren’t real as well as all the awful times of psychological abuse and devaluation where I felt less than human from his constant withdrawing, his moving goal posts, then his back to the love bombing only for it to repeat all over again year in year out for over 10 years. All those emotions and pain from having simple objects in my house he has bought me etc etc. Powerful and frightening all at the same time and it’s amazing just how much of an impact simple momento’s have.
It was the last thing tying us together and I thought if I could just be rid of this one last tie it would give me the closure I needed. Realistically closure doesn’t exist and the only closure I will get is to continue NC, continue healing one day at a time and keep on coming to HG’s website as this has given me more understanding and closure than anything I would ever get from my ex narc.
I never understood how he was when I was with him, let alone when I was discarded for his new supply, so in reality nothing has changed except I’m free from him and his mindf**kery!
I don’t know if anyone else felt it tough to part with items from your time with your narcissist but I know I did and deep down I know it was because a part of me wanted to believe he wasn’t a narcissist and that he would realise I was good and he’d made a big mistake and would come back all apologetic and we could start again. I shudder when I think back to how I felt immediately post discard and how I humiliated myself trying to make him see sense. Reading HG’s posts and viewers comments makes me see I wasn’t alone and that his behaviours over the years were classic behaviours of a narcissist.
Hi HG. I have a ring from my ex narc which I wear every day however I have no desire to contact him when I look at it and tbh it strengthens my determination not to. What about the items my ex narc has kept of mine which he refuses to return, why would he do this if they are of no value and have no meaning to him?
To assert control over you.
Do narcs have “nostalgic interactions” with items? Do they save stuff?
Not in the sense you would understand Lisk, they act as hoover triggers. Yes, items will be saved, not always. It all depends on whether such retention achieves the aims of the narcissist.
But you can’t and shouldn’t return a child you have together ? Narcs view them as property. Get full custody or primary custodian .
I through out all of his stuff after my first correspondence with HG. Why should I give it back, I bought most of it. It felt Great!!
God before you say something! threw not through. Lol