No Contact No Nos
No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.
Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.
1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and
2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.
As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.
No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.
This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.
59 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos”
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Dearest WhoCares,
Thank you my sweet 😊
I’ll bring the cake n 🍾🍾🍾 🥂🥂🥂
and we can all be weirdos together … haha
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear Getting There,
Thank you precious one
I truly appreciate your concern n support
Religious n political conversations, I believe, always end up in chaos
Everyone comes here for a reason, I feel NarcAngel summed it up most admirably
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hugs to you, Bubbles! You have such a good heart!
Dearest Getting There ,
💋mwah
💕
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear FYC,
Thank you my lovely, you are too kind
I really appreciate your support in this situation
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear Bubbles, you are most welcome.😘 That baseless attack was merely a projection of PDs inner world, it had nothing to do with you. NA called this one perfectly.
Is it wrong that I was actually flattered that he attempted to hoover me?
I didn’t think I was important enough in his matrix and he probably wouldn’t even notice I had jumped off the shelf. Apparently I was worth more than I knew and that pleased me. #myfuelbringsalltheboystotheyard
Flattered, Really? The last time I was hoovered by my lesser narcissist, I was nearly killed last year. He stalked, stole, destroyed my cell phone, punched me repeatedly in the face, strangled me until blood came from my eye, and pulled a gun on me and pressed it into my skin until it bled and left the imprint.
Darling1, I’m so sorry that happened to you. God, that is horrible! I hope he is in prison where he belongs. Please accept my apology for triggering that. My narc situation was nothing like that. Apples and oranges different. From another planet different.
Its fine, I’m glad to hear your narcissist is not violent. Yes he’s heading to prison in July and on tether now until final sentencing. I have remained no contact since the incident last year. Wasn’t hard at all; I had no interest speaking to someone who nearly killed me or being hoovered.
Darling1, thank God he is being put away! I’m glad you’re here to tell the tale and support others in life threatening situations. May you be blessed.
Mine was a middle midrange that was 1000 miles away and I was just a shelf IPSS. Night and day from your situation. House Kitten vs. Wild and dangerous Lion!
Wow I’m so so very sorry to read this. I can’t imagine what that felt like to go through Darling1. Glad you’re still with us. <3
Thank You Survivor X for your well wishes. It hasn’t been easy, but this site, has given me some insight. I feel better every day.
Darling1
Welcome. Glad to know you are out and have found your way here.
Your milkshake MB!!
HG I understand my ex narc is still more than likely within the loved up phase with his new IPPS however I am still maintaining a strict NC regime and have done since Jan. I have had no hoover attempt yet despite being in the same social sphere most weekends. However where as normally he will skulk off when he sees me, this weekend it was different. He came and sat about 6 ft away from me and my friends like he was ‘king of the world’ where as his new squeeze remained a fair distance from him all night. In fact although they enter together they are never within talking distance ever…Would this new move to sit within my space be classed as a failed hoover attempt on his part? I didn’t acknowledge his presence or react in any way but I’m curious whether this was an attempt to push my boundaries and whether he is testing the waters for a hoover? Like I say my NC regime is solid however he does live within walking distance so I’m wondering if I need to be extra vigilant in that regard. Many thanks.
Your NC regime is not that strict if you are monitoring and/or giving thought to where he is at with the new IPPS.
I answered the point about where he sat in a different comment, FF5.
I am only checking with you for my own safety no other reason . I explained the incident to give you the relevant info. I am not monitoring him or acknowledging him in any way. I haven’t seen the other comment I don’t think. sorry
In other words. No contact, no contact, no contact, period.
Im married 25 years to narc.i need out pls.cant deal.im financially dependent on him .3kidz elders 24 youngest 14. One grandchild.help how do i escape .by reading ur emails and books is a great help.but i need out pls pls im drowning
https://narcsite.com/the-way-to-goso-get-out-and-stay-out/
Sorayah, you have shown tremendous strength by reaching out. Take the next step and consult HG. He will give you tons of information and action steps to free you. His book ‘Escape’ is a must read for you if you haven’t already done so. My thoughts are with you. You can do this.
What state do you live in? If it is a community property state, you get half, period.
Yes married in community
I ignore my narcissist and I am not interested in any kind of hoovering I cannot look at him the same way I used to things are good the way they are now he.is way to toxic I won’t be letting him back in especially now because I have got you to help me keep my thoughts in perspective knowing what he is is a blessing it makes it easier to keep an emotional distance from him you really have changed my life HG
Pretty much my never had to Hoover me. He did though, but I hovered him too. Now I have initiated the wrong no contact, but I am strong. Still, I dream about him every night, not good dreams, and I feel him thinking about me. My emotional thinking tries to trick me into contacting him all the time and gets mad when I don’t. It’s like there is some Separate me living inside me that has all of these thoughts and dreams, but I am finally running the show again.
Wow. Do you think a low grade will hoover that’s being sent to prison for 5+ years? Wouldn’t that make them not want to Hoover the person who put them there?
You mean a Lesser Narcissist. It depends on whether there is a Hoover Trigger and whether the Hoover Execution Criteria are met. If you want to know the possibility viz a viz your own situation, I need far more information. You should organise a consultation
https://narcsite.com/private-e-mail-consultation/
Undercover cops do this everyday.
You are doing yourself a disservice talking about yourself as an animal like hunter – cause you are talking like you are hunting humans. Humans are intelligent beings. They can learn a predator’s behavior and if that predator follows a rather predictable pattern and is continuing to “hunt”, that predator can be “trapped”.
Just food for thought. Not all people are toneless and unable of managing a sick person.
You evade the predator, you never try to trap the predator. That is emotional thinking. You cannot Control something which is designed to reject control.
I beg to differ. By the way, i keep getting notices and email for every single comment. How do I turn this off? I don’t want anything sent to me from this site.
REAL WORLD – let me be quite honest with you, if you acted this way down south or some other places in the world, you’d get shot. So think about that. Hard to control people when you’re dead. This is why we have laws on behavior.
I have been to far more dangerous places that you. I am still here. Think about that.
Down south? Do you mean Slough, I know it is a concrete hell hole but it’s not that bad really, after all it is near Windsor.
Seagull in the tower!!!!!!!
Umbrellas up everyone! The screeching and squawking while flying about slamming into walls and shitting on everything is tiring but as we know – can do no real damage. Poor things are of such limited intelligence that they can’t reason that if the territory they’re in is not comfortable for them that they have the rest of the sky. They mistake themselves for peacocks and are to be pitied.
Indeed, NA, excellent points. 👏
“then you”
Have you ever thought that someone could be using themselves as bait to trap you?
No.
1. Nearly all people do not know they are ensnared by a narcissist the first time around.
2. Once knowledge is acquired, very few would try to trap the narcissist.
3. Any that try will fail because they are being led by emotional thinking. Any actions designed to try and trap a narcissist are doomed to failure owing to the lack of ability to trap (empaths are not very good at manipulating and if you think you are good at manipulating you are again being led by emotional thinking), the fact that the ET obscures logic (logic dictates GOSO) and furthermore you are trying to control something which is specifically designed, created and operates to always assert control and reject any attempt to control it.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Powerful comment …. wow !
You put common sense into a whole new category above
Thank you
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
You are most welcome.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Just for clarification and interpretation purposes, my comments addressed to YOU pertained to having a “new” category of common sense placed “ABOVE” the already existing “standard” common sense and was not directed to any one individual or in way personal ….it was purely in relation to your point 3 paragraph
I sincerely and most humbly thank you for your clarity, clear logic responses and your support back up (which, unknowingly and surprisingly, involved me)
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
It’s not a powerful comment. He’s saying cause he’s a narcissist, he feels like he’s above the law to stalk a person. Common sense dictates not doing things or acting a certain way to be arrested for something illegal.
You are a pathetic weirdo who needs online emotional validation from a sick person who’s tricked you into worshipping him – making him feel better about actively doing sick things. He has no intention of changing, he’s just drawing a pool of subjects to abuse if he ever needs one.
You are entitled to your opinion, but it is ill-founded and you failed to produce evidence in support of it :-
1. Bubbles is entitled to express her opinion about the comment. Doing so does not make her a pathetic weirdo. Are you to be labelled the same because you expressed your opinion?
2. You dismissed her opinion because her comment approved of my response to you. You did not like my response to you because I both disagreed with you and did so in a logical fashion. You failed to address my points and instead attacked Bubbles.
3. Bubbles is not a pathetic weirdo. She is a long-standing and constructive contributor in this place. You have arrived recently (your recent comments supporting the conclusion of a recent arrival and the content of those comments also supporting that conclusion) and therefore have reached a premature and erroneous conclusion about Bubbles based on one comment of hers (your conclusion ignoring the copious evidence here and instead being driven by the fact she agreed with my comment which disagreed with you).
4. Where is there evidence of me tricking Bubbles into worshipping me? Where is the evidence of worship? Where is the evidence of trickery? There is none.
5. Where is the evidence that I am drawing a pool of subjects to abuse if I ever need one? There is none.
You are welcome to express your views but do understand that when you advance ill-founded ones, you will be corrected. Should you be moved to respond, do so with evidence.
PD, Sounds like jealousy, bullying, pathetic insults and a lot of projection to me. We see you for what you are.
Bubbles is one of the kindest and most gracious souls here. You could learn much from her. Sadly, it appears you have already entirely missed the wisdom HG imparts.
Pamela Dianne,
My comments to Mr Tudor, were “my own” thoughts and I acknowledged how “powerful” his message was ….. for me !!
Emotional thinking is a very personal process and varies with each individual
I am very well aware Mr Tudor is a narcissist, however I personally cannot comment on how he feels as I do not know how he feels or whether in fact he stalks people
Common sense is basically sound practical judgemment “derived from experience”, not necessarily a necessity to stop one for being arrested or for something illegal
Hmmm … pathetic you say …… sad, weak, helpless n pitiful
Hmmm …weirdo you say …. behaviour is odd, eccentric or extraordinarily strange (I didn’t realise my simple comment could be interpreted that way)
I do not need “online emotional validation” … I’m here for advice educational learning and contributing to the sharing of advice, experiences and stories
I do not believe Mr Tudor is “sick” as you put it … if that’s the case we are all a bit sick in our own “pathetic weirdo ” way
He has not “tricked” me into worshipping him at all …. I give credit where credit is due
I respect him for what he doing …. helping and educationing others
Mr Tudor is an extremely articulate, highly educated and highly
successful man in numerous facets of his life
He is an author, a master of the English word and has expert knowledge of the law, a world traveller, a marksman and has a masterful knowledge of human behaviour …. just to name a few
Mr Tudor has mentioned many many times, he receives a low dose of fuel from his blog
I cannot comment on him changing but I do know he is not an abuser on his own blog and is highly respectful and extremely considerate to everyone
I have yet to see his “pool of subjects” drawing …. I believe he is an excellent artist
Bubbles
Pamela, you are correct that a narcissist does believe to be above the law. I’m not sure if that was the message of the moment, but it is one that is made clear in what HG writes as well as experiences provided by readers (examples of a narcissist saying or doing something to illustrate that thought).
I agree that Solomon was a wise man; I would conclude Jesus was a bit more wise but I understand not all believe in Him. Historical examples of wise men does not preclude wisdom amongst people nowadays. I am not saying that HG is equal to Jesus; but I would say that he has been given a gift of observing what he has seen or done and sharing his observations in a way that hits home and helps others. Is he wrong in what he is saying? If so, please share how. There are things HG has said that have not matched my experiences. I understand people are different, experiences are different; this site helps me learn the basics to hopefully apply in situations with another narcissist. Of the comments I have read of yours, though, it appears to me that you are not seeing that he is wrong. Is that the case?
As for your comment regarding Bubbles, why? What was your purpose in attacking her? Why did it impact you so much that she appreciated an answer HG gave to a question you asked?
I like to believe I think and act logically at all times. I am starting to realize that when asked why I do what I do, if my answer is that I don’t have one or is connected to emotions, then I recognize it is emotional thinking.
Pamela Dianne,
I know I’ve missed a lot on the blog lately – but… I’ll be the first to say that if Bubbles is a “weirdo”, well, she’s my kind of weirdo!
In fact, she can be an honorary member; I think Windstorm and I both said, in the past, that we’re “weirdos”…how many members do we need to start an official club anyway!?
PD: you’re amusing.
Dear Bubbles, What a lovely example of your gracious character.😘
I’ve only noticed your name while catching up on here tonight. You are a bitch, you have a personality disorder, and your diction sucks for a PhD candidate/student.
Dearest Bubbles,
You are not a pathetic weirdo! You are kind, funny, gentle, brave and intelligent!
Luv K xoxo
Dearest K,
Thank you precious K for your kind endearing words
I’m at a loss as to why this situation has even occurred
I really do appreciate your support
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dearest Bubbles,
My pleasure! It may just be a tiny disturbance in the force. We will just have to wait and see. No worries! Keep calm and keep reading.
Luv K xoxo
Are you sure it’s emotional thinking? Sounds like you are guessing to me. Do you think I am emotional talking to you right now? Do you need to feel like you engage my emotions and soul every single time we converse, cause that’s not the case and many people think online interactions are just like real life interactions. It’s not.
Everyone makes mistakes, even geniuses. Even Solomon in Proverbs that pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. He was the only wealthiest, most intelligent, brilliant, genius man ever to have lived too. If he made mistakes, darling, then you will too.
1. No, I am not sure. I am certain. I am certain because I recognise emotional thinking in individuals because I witness it on a daily basis and from my objective, dispassionate position I am able to see it very readily.
2. Explain why I am guessing.
3. You have misunderstood what emotional thinking is. It is not about engaging ’emotions and soul’ but it is allowing emotions to guide thinking (that results in poor decisions) rather than using logic to arrive at a decision.
4. Your response also demonstrates emotional thinking. Rather than review the logic of what I have written, you are stung because I have disagreed with you and pointed out that your approach is not a good one. Your response is based on feeling stung and ignores the logic of what I have written.
PD. If you have come to this sight, I can only assume it is because you have been ensnared by a narcissist at some point in your life in some capacity. That is probably one of the most hurtful things anyone can go through in terms of mental health, and how it can affect it, and I am sorry you went through that experience.
Anger is a normal part of the healing process. It can be extremely triggering to read HGs works at times because it can (or at least does for me) bring up a lot of past regressions. I clearly do not know you at all, but your anger sounds like it wants to gain some of the control back you feel you lost with the narcissist. So there is some name calling and some hope that people will do one over as it were on the narcissit.
I agree that narcs are not above the law.
If you are here to read, its OK if you don’t agree with every word HG says. You don’t have too.
You will in time, work through that anger. I wish you all the best on your healing journey.
Why would someone want to trap a narcissist anyway? Makes no sense.
Precisely
Haha—while cleaning my garage yesterday my house helper and I were throwing chemicals away from a shelf. Antifreeze right there.. We both had the same thought at the same time. What a waste.. If only he could’ve lapped it up like an animal.
Or wanting a hoover