In The Picture



I love the first picture that I ever saw of you. It was not one taken by me although there will be hundreds of those in due course. A multiplicity of snapshots which have been taken to show the world how wonderful you and me are together. Each one carefully configured on my part to send a message. See who I am now taking to your favourite restaurant? Look how we went to Rome when you always wanted to go? How about that? I have gone to the theatre when I told you I hated watching plays. See how we get on with my family? Go on, look at how happy she is making me, far more than you ever did. No, those pictures, whilst valuable to me and my machinations do not come close to how I marvel over that first picture of you.

Was it instead a picture you sent me? One of the hundreds I asked for, begged for and demanded? At first I wanted them to show to you how you were always in my mind ( thus ensuring I became a fixture in your mind). I also wanted those racier photographs that I persuaded you to take for me. Initially I used them for titillation although the real motive was to store them away and use them as a method of forceful coercion further down the line. You know me, always thinking of the next move. Later I requested you send me photos under the guise of wanting to look on your beauty when the reality was that I wanted to ensure you were where you said you were (you never really noticed how I asked for you to stand under the sign of the bars you went in or the name of the store you were shopping in or next to the friends you had told me you had gone to visit)

No, the first picture of you, the one I love the most is the one I first came upon when I searched for you online. It might have been your profile picture from an internet dating sight, your twitter banner picture or one you posted on Facebook. It could have been in the local press or a still from a youtube video. Either way, it was not one I had taken and it was not one that I had requested you take for me. I love that picture as I look on your engaging smile, the radiance emanating from it like solar flares from the sun, illuminating and bringing warmth all around you. Your skin is flawless and healthy, blooming with effervescence. Those long tresses of hair swinging to one side, or the bounce of your bob, or the neat rigidity of that fringe, all conveying that message of freedom and having been chosen by you. Your eyes shine, happiness exploding from them, the colour vibrant and elation searing from your gaze. I look on that picture that is burgeoning with potential, laden with possibility and exuding hope. You are a beacon of purity, decency and affection. Your caring nature cascades from that picture. You are that virgin empath, unsullied by my toxicity and untouched by my polluting influence.

Whenever I look on that first picture of you as the surge begins inside me and soars fast and fierce. I must have you. I remember again why I had to have you.

I see fresh prey.



  1. Reading this, I thought about how narcissits are experts at imitating the emotions they dont feel and had a very random realization.
    Coyotes will imitate the barking of domesticated dogs to lure them away from humans so they can corner them and eat them.
    Coyotes are narcissists.
    Same is true for the shrike, a beautiful bird of prey. They imitate the singing of other birds e.g. robins so that the robin thinks there’s a cool bird in the neighbourtree. He’ll fly over and get killed by whiplash before he knows whats up.
    The shrike then curcifies it’s dead prey on nearby thorns and barbwire fences to both feed from it and attract potential shrike mating partners.
    Nature is beautiful.

  2. oh, what a pity. My first picture was black and white, my face looked young, pure and clean but there was no smile – strong, piercing eyes, gazing straight in the camera. I didn’t look like a naive joyfull child, a fountain of emotions. Rather like someone a little bit mysterious, strong and reserved.

  3. Question.
    Would you feel this way looking at a former partner who was also a narc? Or would the effect not be the same? Because you do not see them As “ a virgin empath” as you put it.

      1. I know you’ve written about what a narc-on-narc relationship looks like. I haven’t been able to find it using the search feature on your blog (maybe it was in one of your books). Could you please point me in the right direction?

          1. HG, when you describe the fuel matrices of Ns and how greaters have numerous IPSSs, is that true of both male and females?

          2. I can’t find part two, it keeps taking me to the POTUS post. Could it be called something else?

          3. Because you are that much cleverer than I…

            Thank you! 😊

      2. Right but is there a difference between appliances and how you feel about them? I suppose that’s a pretty detailed question. But from what I can tell… we are basically all treated the same just the IPPS has it the worst because they are subjected to the abuse at a much higher level.

        So when you look at a picture of an narc who gives you fuel…
        Would it exude the same feeling? Or no because you realize you wouldn’t have the same “power” over them?

        1. Fuel is the emotional response. Looking at a picture may cause two fuel outcomes

          1. The expression in the picture. If that picture was taken by us and the victim is smiling at us, we gain fuel from that because we caused that emotional response which is captured in the picture.
          2. Thought Fuel, thinking about the response of the individual in that picture – e.g. that they are missing us right now and therefore feel sad because of us.

        1. No need to be sorry.

          It means Intimate Partner Primary Source, (husband,wife,spouse, partner, co-hab, boyfriend, girlfriend). The main provider of The Prime Aims (see article of same name as to what those are.)

          1. Thank you! I am still very much learning here. I sure wish I had you as a teacher when I was younger!

          2. Understandable, but you did not, so do not focus on the past, it cannot be changed, learn here and address the now so you move forward.

  4. The perfect partner for a narcissist is the new partner bc theyre a clean slate and dont know anything about the narc. Theyre fresh clay ready to form into what the narc wants. Once theyve been around the block a few narc cycles they know too much and the narc needs to start fresh with a new unsuspecting prey. Also the narc sees our flaws and imperfections and that goes against their idealized version of us so we become betrayers for ruining this initial picture in their mind. We lied to them.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing all you do. It amazes me how completely differently we think. You have a gift for writing and I am thankful that you are being so honest about what is really going on inside of you. I even feel like I know you, as do many of us, but am thankful I do not. I have all the narciness in my life I can handle. You empower us with knowledge.

    1. You are most welcome SM and do continue to read and bolster your education and empowerment here.

  6. Can normal people successfully gaslight narcissists? Is it something you recommend?

    How do each of the various levels/cadres/schools respond to gaslighting?

    If you have written on this already, can you please point me in the right direction?

    Thank you! 😊

    1. 1. It can be done but not particularly successfully because normal people are not designed to manipulate.
      2. No, I do not recommend it, it contravenes the first golden rule of freedom.
      3. The act is an act of purported control by the victim and therefore the response of the narcissist will be one of manipulation to assert control again over the victim. The act will either be wounding or Challenge Fuel.

      1. If it’s a lesser, does it confuse them? Make them stumble? Do they recognize gaslighting?

        If it were an elite, would it amuse them (in an “alright then, let’s play” kind of way)?

        Midrangers: They become hysterical.

        Your kind are unavoidably everywhere. There is need to fine-tune my “narc handling” skills. The ones I’m dealing with are not IPs, but coworkers, customers, social network, family.

        Thank you

        1. Hello Becoming Observant,

          Does what confuse them? Do you mean, do they know they are gas lighting (answer – no) or do they recognise it when it is being done to them (they will be unlikely to call it gas lighting, they will feel it as a form of control over them and label it as such in a rudimentary fashion).

          Elite is a cadre, not a school.

          If you want guidance and assistance on your ‘narc handling’ skills for the networks you describe, do organise a consult with me and I will help you.

  7. This almost exact thing was said to me about a few pictures. “I remember the first time I saw this picture” “this picture just says it all to me, I look at it still”

    Sometimes this is so accurate I think you are him.

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