Isolated

 

isolated-2

 

“Hi honey I’m home!”

“Hello darling, how was your day?”

“Brilliant thank you, I kicked ass with my sales figures this month so that bonus is on its way.”

“That’s wonderful, you work so hard and you are so good at what you do.”

“I do my best, but guess who I bumped into when I call at the shops on the way home?”

“I don’t know.”

“Joanna.”

“Oh yes, how is she?”

“She looks really well, she asked after you of course. We stopped to talk for a while actually, well she did most of the talking, you know what she is like. Anyway, she mentioned your weekend away that you are organising for the ladies.”

“Ahuh, is she still coming?”

“Of course, she was very much looking forward to it but she did mention that Angela and Jill had been causing some trouble.”

“Trouble, what do you mean?”

“Well you know I have told you that they are jealous of what you have, you know, with me and they were trying to get people to cancel going on the trip. They’ve been saying that it is just an exercise in your showing off how well we are doing. Utter nonsense of course but you need to keep an eye on those two.”

“Gosh, I know you’ve made mention of it before but I didn’t think they would do something like that. They’re trying to spoil the trip?”

“That’s right. I wouldn’t say anything to them, it would put Joanna in an awkward position, you know?”

“Yes, yes, I understand. How dare they do that?”

“As I told you, it is jealousy. I would delete them from your contacts if I were you.”

“Good idea, I don’t want to be friends with people like that.”

***************

“Well that was nice to see everybody wasn’t it?”

“Yes it was darling, you were a marvellous hostess as usual.”

“Why thank you.”

“Pleasure, mind you, your brother is starting to annoy me. I had to keep from saying something.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you have noticed but he takes every opportunity to have a dig at you and put you down.”

“Oh that’s just the way he is, ignore it.”

“You see, you are just too nice. No I won’t ignore it, he is being rude and disrespectful. He cannot resist but make some sarcastic quip or supposedly funny remark about everything you do.”

“Well yes, but it doesn’t bother me, not really.”

“I suspect you’ve screened it out so you do not notice as much, but it bothers me.”

“Does it?”

“Of course it does, he is bullying you. I tell you what, let’s not invite him to the barbecue next month, that will make him think.”

“Well, if you think that’s the right thing to do.”

“I absolutely do. I am not having him treat my wonderful wife like that. Remove him from your contacts.”

***********************

“Oh hello is that Joanna? Hi, yes it is HG, yes I am very well thank you. How are you? Good, good. Well, just a quick call to tell you that Kim can’t make tonight. Yes, yes, I know she was so looking forward to it but she isn’t feeling very well. She is asleep at the moment but I thought I should let you know as I think she needs to rest and get better. Yes, I knew you would understand. Yes of course I will tell her. Thank you. Enjoy your night out.”

“Oh hello darling, that was John, Joanna’s wife. The night out is cancelled but he was a bit vague as to why. I think they might be having a few marital difficulties if you know what I mean?”

“Goodness, I had best call her and see if she is okay.”

“No, I don’t think that would help, it sounds a bit fraught over there to be honest, better leave them to it. I find it is best to give them the space to sort themselves out.”

“Yes, you are probably right. Oh what a shame, I was really looking forward to going out.”

“Well look, why don’t we go out instead.”

“Really?”

“Sure.”

“That would be great, oh, but I had better ring Josie and tell her that the night out isn’t happening.”

“Here pass me your ‘phone, I will do it, you go and run a bath and I will bring you a glass of wine up, you look like you could do with it.”

“Thank you darling, she is in my contacts, just after Joanna’s number.”

“They won’t be for much longer.”

“Sorry?”

“I said, ‘Thanks, I don’t want to ring a wrong number.”

“Yes, thank you, you are so kind.”

**************************

“Darling, we can’t go for lunch at your parents today?”

“Why what’s wrong?”

“I’m not well. Stomach upset. Not good. I wouldn’t want them to catch it.”

“Sure, sure, I will let them know.”

*****************************

“Darling, we can’t go for lunch at your parents today?”

“Why not?”

“Have you forgotten I have friends coming over for the game?”

“Have you?”

“Yes I told you about this weeks ago.”

“Really, I don’t remember.”

“I did; I know I told you because I explained how Carl was going to bring over that new book for me to borrow. “

“Oh okay, I know they will be disappointed, it is weeks since we have seen them.”

“I know but things just seem to be getting in the way at present.”

**********************

“Good evening darling, how was work?”

“Oh the usual, getting tougher, it has been a difficult week again.”

“I have noticed so that is why I have made an executive decision.”

“Oh yes and what is that?”

“I have decided that each Friday you deserve to do something special so I have organised for just you and me to do something together everything Friday for the next three months whilst this project of yours is ongoing. I am not telling you what I have organised, they are surprises. Something to look forward to and a reward of sorts.”

“Oh darling you are wonderful, that is so thoughtful. Oh but I have a few things organised with friends and families on Fridays over the coming weeks.”

“That doesn’t matter, I will take care of that for you. I want you to be relieved of having to entertain people, cook for them and so on, you do too much of that, even though you are great at it. Pass me your ‘phone and I will take them out of your contacts, I mean out of your diary and block out the time for us instead.”

“Thank you, you are so good to me, I love you so much.”

“I know.”

*******************************

“Well that was a great dinner party.”

“Yes it was, thank you for being such an accommodating hostess.”

“My pleasure. Mind you, it was mainly your friends, mine don’t seem to bother with me as much these days.”

“Well people have their own lives to lead, they get busy you know? But they should try to make some time for you otherwise how can you consider them to be friends of yours?”

“Yes I suppose you are right.”

“Besides, my friends think you are wonderful.”

“Do they? Well I always try to make them welcome.”

“Oh you do, that’s why those so called friends of yours do not deserve you. You know it does not harm to have a purge of those people who claim to be your friends but don’t live up to the title. Clear them out. Besides you have me and my friends and you are very popular with them.”

“You know you are right, I am going to go through my contact list and have a clear out.”

“You do that my love, you will feel better afterwards, believe me.”

*************************

“Hi darling, I have just run into your best friend on the way out of the nail bar.”

“Who, Andy?”

“Yes, he was ever so pleasant. Mind you he was telling me that Sarah has been gossiping about me again.”

“She is always letting her mouth flap; I have to say I don’t like her.”

“Well I am inclined to agree with you so she’s another one who is getting struck off my contact list. I don’t see much of her anyway and besides I have always got you haven’t I?”

“Of course you have my love and you always will have. Which reminds me to ask you where you fancy going away next weekend, I think we deserve a few days together, just you and me, the best way to be.”

*****************************

“Oh my God, he has left me, he has finally done it, after all those months of horrible behaviour he has just walked out on me, why, why has he done this? Why do that to me after everything I have done for him? I don’t understand. I feel sick. I feel dizzy. I need to ring somebody; this just doesn’t make sense. Where is my ‘phone. Here it is. I need support I will just ring someone to come over, I can’t be alone, not after what he’s done. Jesus, I am shaking, this is awful. Wait, what’s this, I can’t call anybody, my contacts list is empty. When did that happen?”

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12 Comments

  1. I’m sorry but I have trouble feeling sympathy for people who stay in relationships like these with no threat of violence or some other substantial consequence preventing them from leaving. I feel like if I can cut off my own (Narc) father, you can cut off your dick supply

    1. Most likely you were a completely different and most likely secondary source of supply with your narc father. You don’t build an adult life with your father. As a teenager you would have began seperating from your parents and relying on them less and less. You obviously do not comprehend the strength of the trauma bond. I have a narc father i separated from easily, my narc husband on the other hand is a totally different ballgame. Hope it never happens to you. I hope that noone in this situation ever tries to look to you for support.

    2. So you know what it’s like to feel defeated at times? You understand the emotional toll can lead you into shock. You can lose yourself and forget how to do anything anymore. At times coming up with your own thoughts can be a struggle nevermind planning an exit route out of hell. Financial issues can deter us from doing anything as well. Sometimes it isn’t so easy to just up and leave when you’ve built your life around the relationship with such person and having the rig pulled from underneath you is not always so easy to recover from, especially if you don’t have friends. Family or anyone to help you get back up. This person has been slowly making sure you will have nothing or nobody when shit hits the fan. 5hey want you to have to look to them for everything, so even if they have wronged you, you “need” them so you accept what you know is wrong out of desperation. IT becomes a cycle and you lose yourself along the way. To add insult to injury, you’ve been isolated for so long, you forget how to do anything as you slip into a state of numbness. Being numb as a way to protect yourself instinctively from being destroyed. Since you are numb, its its hard to know how deep into this vicious cycle you really are and what you think you are overcoming is actually killing you. I am glad and always happy for people who are blessed and get away but there are lots of us who don’t have it that way and the situation is more complex. Oh and who gives a shit about dick supply at this point in such a relationship. Sex isn’t even on my mind most times.

      1. Desiree
        This feels weird now because I feel like I am adressing myself, but you’re making an excellent point.
        People who have not been ensnared by a narcissist as a romantic partner don’t seem to understand that fear and isolation are essential aspects to keep the victim on the leash. It’s not the same as with narcissistic parents, in part because you distance yourself from your parents as you grow older anyway and develop an independent support system. But what if another narcissist manages to sneak into that support system because the can smell your fuel from a mile away? You won’t know until the nightmare commences. It has nothing to do with sex, and to write the abuse of as the victim being unwilling to give up “dick supply” is frankly a bit sexist.

    3. Wendy Rhoades

      I can’t remember from your previous appearance here your specific title (therapist?,counsellor?), but one would assume that you would know there are differences in familial vs romantic or intimate ensnarements that make this unfathomable to some but relevant all the same. Was there seriously no provision for this in your education/training leading to your current position? I’m asking because it would highlight a major flaw in the preparation for people in your field and the subsequent effects on their clients. In short – perhaps the attitude you have shown in your comment is the reason many have not found therapy, counselling, etc helpful.

      One might expect a comment like that from me, but not from someone licensed to practice mental health.

  2. You make it so clear how it happens.. this directness is very much appreciated!

    I remember him always wanting me to himself, I got sucked up in his fake love. Every scenario described I can take a piece from and relate it to my own experience.

    I will never allow this to happen again. I’ll heed these red flags!

  3. I self isolate. I, like you, abuse myself emotionally. But more importantly cause I know how evil people really are, including family.

  4. I went through this the only people who we socialised with was his family and his ex’s family and friends I always felt uncomfortable my friends were not being good though I am starting to meet new people now that are more just for me

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