Shiny, New and Improved
You messed up. I gave you the world, I really did. I truly gave you everything you ever wanted from someone. I know I did because this is what I always do. I always deliver. You did not though and you let me down. Despite everything I said, everything that I did you failed. Oh I hear you bleat on about how you loved me like nobody else. You protest about all the things you sacrificed for me, all the things you did for me and how you put me ahead of everything else in order to please me, to make me happy. Stop going on about yourself will you? It is not very becoming. This hysteria surrounding how you pulled out all the stops, gave your all and did everything that I ever asked of you, even doing some things you did not like is pathetic. Ah I see, you complain about it now, but you did not at the time did you, you charlatan? You disgust me.
I am well rid of you and in a way I suppose I must thank you because if you had not failed you would not have made me realise how we did not belong together. I did everything I could to make it work but you let me down. Thank goodness I woke up and saw it otherwise I would still be trapped by you. You at least enabled me to realise how flawed you actually are and I won’t be making that mistake again. Not a chance of that happening. In fact, as testament to just how wonderful I am and how brilliantly I treat you I have someone else. What do you mean I wasted no time in moving on? Why should I? I am not going to sit around and bemoan how you let me down. That will not serve any purpose and besides I cannot help it if people want to be with me, it is only natural.
Yes I am with Lauren now. She is wonderful. She is everything I have ever wanted and I am her soul mate. I know that we are going to be very happy together now. She is the one. I know I thought that of you, but you misled me. Lauren is not like that. I am moving in with her next week. It makes perfect sense. I want to be with her all of the time. She is beautiful, just look at her, perfectly put together. She is so shiny and new. I am head over heels in love with her, I cannot be apart from her. Take a look. If you had been more like her then I would not have had to punish you the way I did. That is not going to happen with Lauren. No way. I can only see a bright and beautiful future for us. I hope she falls pregnant soon as our child will be such a wonder to behold. Thank God I did not have a child with you. Imagine that? Good God that would have been terrible having to share a child with a monster like you. Lauren will be a first class mother, we have already talked about it and I can tell that she is keen. She adores me and always will. Not like you. You had your chance but you messed it up. You only have yourself to blame. Oh I know what you are like, you will try and make out that it was me that was the problem but I know it was you. So do all my friends and yours. Yes I have already spoken to them and they agree that I am better off without you and that Lauren and I are the perfect couple. She always knows what to say you see. She understands me like nobody else does. She gets me. She is the only one. I bought a new ‘phone with an increased megapixel camera because there will be so many photographs I have to take of Lauren and I. I want all those perfect moments captured so I can show the world how happy we are together. I know other relationships have not worked out but that is what happens when you get duped by harpies. Lauren is not like them. She is not like you. We have booked a holiday away already. Two weeks in the sunshine. We are going to have such a brilliant time being together in paradise. You can expect plenty of postings on Facebook so feel free to look in on them, I know you will. You can expect all my friends to be talking about us. We are the golden couple. Thank goodness I found her. This is it. This is the one for me. We just fit together. It is as if she knows what I am thinking. She listens and learns and then always knows the right thing to say and to do. It is marvellous and just shows why we belong together. I know you will need to know all of this because, well, I deserve to be happy after what you did to me. You should be happy for me, you should, that is if you really do love me. You tell me you do but that does not matter now. I have a perfect love with Lauren and this is the one that will last.I imagine we will be married by the summer. It will be a glorious ceremony and she will look absolutely stunning, polished and gleaming, stood just the way I want and looking at me with rapturous adoration.
I could not be happier, I really could not. I have my soul mate, I am her angel sent from heaven to make her happy and I will do that because I am so good at doing that for people. Everything is going to be just wonderful and you had your chance but you blew it. I get so excited when I find someone new and when I know they will be better than you. Someone who puts me first rather than themselves. Someone who deserves me. Someone who is not you. Someone who is new and improved.
29 thoughts on “Shiny, New and Improved”
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That’s it. I’m done.
Wow
Wait
Sorry. Keyboard thi ngf
Kiujj gtffh hhgggh H g gf hygro hg hnhh
Just the other day, my ex presented a girlfriend with pictures of her and our child together. I knew it was to make me jealous. I wasn’t jealous, I knew it wasn’t a real relationship. Plus, she looked so much like me, and the girlfriend before me, but this girl was much younger. I knew she would suffer his denigration soon, if not already. He asked me what I thought.
I said, “The nanny looks like she does well with our daughter.”
He was like, “that’s not the nanny!”
I was like, “whoever this person is, advise her to get our child to bed please.”
He was expecting me to ask questions about who the shiny new toy was. If I really wanted to know, I would not ask. I have other ways to gather information around the narcissist.
I’ve forgiven myself and I’ve forgiven my ex narc. I didn’t think I was going to make it out alive, did I really love him? Absolutely, did he really love me? How could he? He has the brain of a 9 year old, Me! Me! Me! is all he ever knew. He told me about his new shiny toy… “she” made him want to be a better man… “she” deserved a good man and he was going to be that for her I MESSED UP! I LOST A GOOD MAN! He gave his life to God (laughing), see, I had the kind of narc that wanted to make you feel like the gum on the bottom of his shoe, and it worked at first but I woke up! No more looking at his new supply, no more looking on facebook I’m free! I’ve expressed to all my friends not to share any information with me regarding his new life or toy. One of them did and I blocked her! I’ve changed, no more second chances when I make myself clear, I expect for my wishes to be respected, period. I’m serious when it comes to my healing… it took me awhile to get here I had to fight to get here and nothing will come between me and my healing. I feel like a new woman, I’ve set boundaries and have standards (something I’ve never had before) and it feels so so good!
You know, I hope he has changed, God healed my broken heart surely he can heal a narcissist. Maybe he has met his soulmate, maybe she is the very thing he needed to see the light. She will get the ring that I once wanted, she will have the children that he refused to have with me and I can honestly say… I no longer care God bless them, because he has surely blessed me 🙂
Narcfree4ever
Good for you. Hold to that resolve. He hasn’t changed and never will, so remember that when she too fails him (in his mind) and he reappears.
Enjoy your new life.
But, might you be starting to bore her? Unless you are with S&M 24/7, I imagine that in her boredom, her eyes are wandering to new, shiny and improved men that are endlessly finding their way to tease her desirous appetite that you might not be able to satiate as well as you think you do. Of course, you think you are The Only One, but if so, it would be your Narcissism speaking; truthfully, there are many fish out there in the big, wide ocean.
This is the Ultimate Triangulation.
This is what I am struggling with in my progress: I keep going back to the shiny, new, and improved woman’s Instagram account.
Narcx had been grooming her for a long time and I ignored the red flags.
UGH. This is where my emotional thinking runs high, which results in my spirit and motivation dipping down.
If I could just get over this, I think I could make it out of this whole mess home-free. I do not know why I torture myself.
lisk,
Is there any improvement you see, though? Do you do it less often? Is there some other account you’ve been stalking that you quit in the meanwhile? Does it affect you less each time?
You don’t need to reply here, you can just think about it.
Celebrate each little step forward. There will be a point when you’ll just laugh and say this is enough and quit. Ideally, that point is now, but nothing is ever ideal… that’s the beauty of it. 🙂
Hi Abe,
Yes, there has been improvement. I do look less often, but that’s mostly because she hasn’t been posting much lately anyway (I suspect that’s because she’s been fully installed in Narcx’s life. Now she doesn’t need to send him messages and photos since she’s most probably living with him now).
Anyway, I have been caring less. I just wish to not care at all. Maybe a consult with HG would help me yank them both out of my life for good. I have been seriously considering it.
List
Consulting with HG would be the best possible thing you could do! I honestly am telling you this from the bottom of my heart. He is truly that good and always has come through for me with the best answers to any of my questions.
Haha, I wanted to reply here with: “Just wait for FM1T, she’s surely gonna reply and convince you to consult with HG!” 🙂
But then I considered it again and decided not to do it…
Where have you been, FM1T? Long time no see… 🙂
Abe
Haha you made me laugh. I can’t help when someone is struggling with a situation that is hurting them in their healing process to tell them to consult with HG. It is because I have been in those same situations and know how he has always helped me.
Abe, I have been here on and off because of a few personal issues I have been dealing with recently.
You know when I read your comments to others, it always brings a smile to my face to think how you thought yourself to be a narcissist. Do you have narcissistic traits, of course you do we all do, but when I read the way you offer good sound advice to people on here that need help the way you do, it warms my heart. 😊
Good luck, foolme1time, with your personal issues.
Thank you for your kind comment.
As for the advice I give, you know how it is… Advice is easy to give. I wish I’d also follow my own advice sometimes, heheh. 🙂
Take care!
Thank you Abe, I will get through this time as I have done many times before, the difference now is that I know for a fact I will get through it, as before, I thought the world was going to end.
I certainly do know how it is with advice! Lol, that is another reason I push for people to consult with HG! Hee hee. 🙃
Adiós,
Cuídate! 😊
Lovely post Abe
Abe
You always give such wonderful advice. I am glad that you are still on here with us. Thank you. 😊
Hi Lisk
I did that in the beginning too looking for answers. I joined Facebook only to find the truth about him when he was cheating on me with someone he claimed was married. She was once but that broke up.
Anyways deleted Facebook after but I got a friend of mine to have a look while I was there and it was torture. Set me back so much in my recovery and hurt me so so much.
I don’t look now I haven’t for months but I get mutual friends telling me everything which I really wish they wouldn’t do but every now and then someone despite me telling them not to tells me about stuff that my ex narc and the new supply are posting. This happened last week.
It’s mainly pictures of them together, lots of love gushing etc etc and to begin with it hurt but now I really don’t care because logic tells me a normal person cannot just jump into a new relationship instantly and then post about it all over Facebook. That’s what hurt the most at first. Not only did I put up with years of rages, years of withdrawing of affection both emotional and physical, years of silent treatments, years of phone games (not replying to texts not returning calls despite being glued to his phone), years of gaslighting, years of mindf**kery, years of constantly trying to change to make him ‘love’ me again only for him to change the goal posts when I did what he asked – nothing I did was ever enough once the idealising stage ended, years of being told I’m going crazy, the he’s a good guy how can I doubt him rubbish and the years of pathological lies but what really finished me off was the humiliation of him declaring love for someone else 24 hours after telling me he loved me posting it for all the world to see.
Even though I know he’s a narcissist I’d be lying if I didn’t often think maybe he’s not maybe it is me maybe he’s right maybe I made him the way he was towards me, he’s so nice to everyone else he always said I made him angry etc etc.
However after reading HG’s blogs I can see a lot clearer now and realise that my ET was in overdrive causing me to feel this way. All the blogs I read also confirmed that he was a narcissist and everything is wonderful with the new supply because he’s love bombing her.
I carried on trying to get him to pick me, but he carried on torturing me with his awful mind games and triangulation and I told him no. When I did that he went into the worst rage I’ve encountered and threatened to kill me in his car and acted on it before slamming the brakes on last minute so he didn’t hit the car in front.
That’s who he is. He isn’t this wonderful person who is posting all these great things on Facebook. He hasn’t miraculously changed into the best boyfriend material 24 hours after the car incident.
What this is all about is fuel. He had nothing else so he had to work on brainwashing her into believing he wasn’t a cheater (apparently I was his friend for over 12 years) and also he had to save face. His image is so important to him. He has to be seen as a good guy. He’d been lying and cheating and not only that he had abused me and now I was a threat. Damage limitation.
Post how happy I am on Facebook, new love, she loves me we are soul mates, she trusts me, look everyone it’s justified my ex was awful look how wonderful new supply is.
That’s all this is about and also he knows just how much posting everything on Facebook would make me feel, he knows it would cause me intense humiliation, hurt and pain and so he has done that.
It’s all smoke and mirrors. People who are really happy don’t need to tell the world on social media how happy they are. It is just a facade one which gives him fuel, thought fuel indirectly from me as he will know how much it hurts me and also positive fuel from all his followers who big the new relationship up. Doesn’t matter what I say about him no one would ever believe me.
They see what he wants them to see. What he lets them see. He hasn’t changed overnight. Logic tells me that.
Stay strong sweetie we’ve all been through this sheer hell and we will get our happy ending one day x
HG
Put simply – aren’t the declarations of love and content with the new supply on Facebook twofold? Highlighting to everyone the Golden Period while also smearing the ex? You are efficient creatures after all.
Looking at Facebook will cause an emotional response either way. It will have you sad and upset that this person is enjoying now what you had and cause upset and comparison, or it will make you pissed that they are flaunting it in your face and smearing you by showing that you were the problem. For my money, pissed is better because it reminds you why you’re no longer with someone who is low, and childish enough to pull this shit, but neither should net a response because then he wins. That is why it is imperative not to look. There is no gain for you. You are hampering your own healing. It’s like taking just enough poison to not kill you but make you very sick. Just say NO to fake news.
Indeed, that is correct. It is about asserting control over those in the fuel matrix and garnering fuel.
His greatness do you actually say this to people or is this just what you think ? honestly if someone said that to me I think I switch off halfway through it I don’t have a jealous bone in my body and to me this seems like fishing for a reaction which I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of
I have actually had guys say similar stuff to me in the past I just congratulating them didn’t want them any more so to me there was no care factor of who they were with , also you still haven’t answered my question either do you think I’m a narcissist ? A lot of what you say about narcissistic thinking I find disgusting there would be nothing that would make me do a lot of that but I do have the ability to completely switch off it’s my coping mechanism’s against the abuse that way it doesn’t matter what they do they can’t hurt me I don’t play games or fish for reactions something just dies inside of me towards them and there’s no recovering it Once my trust is broken there’s no turning back In I used to but not any more It’s like I can’t not won’t I’ve given people too many chances in life and it always turns out bad for me
VJ,
Sorry, don’t want to sound weird or anything… could you please use some more punctuation? It’s hard to follow what you write because of this, I’ve noticed it in your other comments too. I’m sure everybody would find it easier to understand and reply to your comments and questions.
Just a suggestion… Thank you.
What about if the new shiny object never stops admiring and giving all the positive fuel the narc ever needs. Could this be ever after then?
Also my ex’s parents mentioned when he was a young kid he would often sleep with a new toy he would get because he never wanted to be apart from the new shiny toy. Would that be considered a narc thing?
That results in the fuel becoming stale and thus devaluation follows.
The toy – no.
May I ask HG, if it’s not too personal a question, how is SM’s ‘fuel’ holding up. Any ‘twinges’ yet that you feel you can share with us at this stage. All good I hope x
Hello A383, you may ask anything you like but thank you for your courtesy. SM’s fuel is pristine.
Great. Glad to hear it HG xx
What’s messed up is that my ex narc probably did this to his ex wife when he got with me. They were already divorced, but I think he was doing that thing lessers do to her where they dip in periodically for fuel but don’t resume the relationship. Then I came along and he used me to drive the nails in deeper. Poor girl. She was the opposite of everything he told me she was. She didn’t deserve that.
He will try it with me, too. He is going to have to work really hard to find someone to impress me, but it will still hurt when he does. I’m preparing myself for it.