Your Contentment
Granting you contentment is part of our design when we seduce you and grant you the golden period. The provision of your contentment at that juncture in our entanglement provides the luscious positive fuel to flow in our direction and all is well. We truly do delight in seeing you content with the illusion that we have woven for you. It is when you and us move into the stages of devaluation and discard that we regard your state of contentment in a wholly different manner,
During devaluation if we witness you appearing content, we are overcome with jealousy. Why should you be allowed to sit there satisfied, happy and relaxed? Why do you not suffer the repeated unease of the desire to gain fuel when those supplies become low? We look across the room at you, your features composed in an expression of peace. The envy rises and we despise the fact that you are sat in pleasant repose, seemingly all at ease with the world. We invariably associate that your composed appearance is achieved in order to annoy and frustrate us. You know don’t you? You know that we have this churning fury inside us which shifts and slides. You know that we have the growing hunger for fuel and how this creates a restlessness in us. You know all of this and yet you sit there, revelling in our discomfort. If you cared you would not be enjoying that book, talking on the ‘phone to a friend or watching your favourite television programme. No, if you loved us properly then you would be ensuring that this restlessness was banished and that our sense of power and might was reinstated. Your content state is being bandied about in front of us, teasing and provoking. You are mocking us because you are achieving something that is denied to us at that time. How dare you behave in this manner? How dare you forget about our needs? This is symptomatic of the selfishness we knew you possessed and now you wave it in our faces suggesting that somehow we are inferior to you. This will not do.
Your contentment at this stage amounts to a provocation and is tantamount to a criticism of us. You have achieved contentment whilst we experience restlessness and you know this don’t you? Oh, we know that you will pretend to be unaware of what you are doing, but we know your game. We are not fooled by these protestations of innocence so when we fling the dinner plate to the floor, shattering the plate and silence, causing you to jump up in fright, you knew it was coming. The plate lies broken and your contentment in one swift move is similarly smashed. You are not allowed to be content unless it is by our say so. We want you on tenterhooks, your nervous eyes looking to us for approval and consent. Exhibit any sign of being relaxed, at ease or content and we will take action to destroy that state in an instant. We will pick a fight, create an argument, call you a name, break something, interrupt you with an insult walk out and slam the door and so many other actions all designed to remove you from your contented position. When we see you like that, you remind us of what we cannot achieve at that time and we hate you for it.
It becomes worse when the relationship has ended. Whether you escaped us or we discarded you, there will come a point when we turn our sights on you again in order to extract that wonderful hoover fuel. It may be weeks or months later but we will have been undertaking observations in order to determine the most effective way of hoovering you. If we see you getting on with your life, radiating happiness and an air of contentment it infuriates us hugely. How dare you seem happy without us? You are meant to be broken and distraught, that is how the aftermath is supposed to be. Admittedly, it usually is, but every so often we may find that one of our victims has seized the power and advanced his or her position, forging through the emotion and formulating their recovery. It may be the case that we have seen you on one of the few good days, the bad days taking place where the world cannot see, but that does not matter to us. Should we witness you looking well, smiling, having lost weight, or looking fitter, dressing elegantly, meeting friends with laughter and smiles it wounds us considerably. You seem to have forgotten us. You are bound to us, forever, have you forgotten that this is the case? You are at our beck and call until the day either of us breathes our last, yet here you are striding across the street, hair glossy and styled, posture confident and uplifted and meeting somebody with a kiss and a broad smile. This was not meant to happen. You exude contentment, a confidence that we thought was shattered and unlikely to be rebuilt for some time. How did this happen? Who has caused this transformation from the sobbing wretch we left without so much as a goodbye to the contented person we now look at from the shadows? It may be a one-off, it may be a glimpse of something that is a work in progress, but such considerations do not matter when we see it. We are wounded by this display. You appear to no longer need us. Where is the stooped figure? The haunted individual with dark-circled eyes and pallid skin? Where is the comfort-eater that we mocked so horribly? Where has the lank-haired, nervous shuffling person we tormented gone to? This was not meant to happen. Ever.
Seeing you so content post escape or post discard is a massive criticism to us. The lesser or mid-range of our kind will most likely slink away, regarding this show of strength (temporary even though it may be) as evidencing somebody with defences high and radar warily sensitive. Any hoover would be doomed to failure and might even result in further injurious harm. No, the lesser or mid-range will retreat and return to the new prospect that has been acquired and other sources of fuel and make a mental note that a hoover at this juncture is unlikely to meet with success. The Greater of our kind will seethe and glower, dismayed and wounded by this peacock performance. Unseen, we will send baleful glares your way as we formulate a way to pierce this shield of contentment. Schemes will be concocted once again in order to hammer this contentment into nothingness. The Greater may, if sufficiently motivated, spring forward and unless malign actions for the purpose of drawing negative fuel, preferring to adopt such a tactic rather than seek to draw the target back in. It is time to lash out and destroy rather than capture. Our fury is ignited and our calculating minds will ascertain that this can only be a veneer. It is far too soon for you to appear to content again, no matter how much it appears genuine. We want to halt the recovery before it gathers any more momentum and thus the Greater will unleash a savage malign hoover, smearing and hurling insults, dredging up those historic vulnerabilities in order to break the contentment again, just as we did those many months ago during devaluation. The ignited fury drives the Greater forward to shatter, break and destroy and if successful, then he or she knows that further malign assaults can be rolled out to cripple the recovery. Once the recovery has been derailed, the contentment eradicated and the veneer of confidence stripped, then the golden period can be dangled again before the quivering victim.
It never does to see you contented. This is why when we see it during devaluation you will suffer an adverse reaction. Following the cessation of the relationship it wounds us considerably and will generate a certain response dependent on the type of our kind that you were entangled with. The maintenance of contentment is indeed a blow against us.
26 thoughts on “Your Contentment”
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If there is an ongoing smear campaign and contrary to what they expected, the narcissist sees their victim looking radiant and at peace, will that have an effect on their current smearing e.g. smearing them more to make up for the wounding or change the content of their smear campaign?
Likely to cause the smearing to increase.
Dear HG: if we have implemented robust NC then surely our contentment cannot affect/wound exN, no?
In principle you are correct. If the no contact is absolute then the narcissist cannot know about your contentment. There are two positions ‘beneath this’
A. You do not hear from the narcissist (thus believe no contact is solid) but the narcissist learns about your contentment without you realising, such examples might include
1. The narcissist drives past you as you are walking with a new partner. You do not realise the narcissist has seen you. The narcissist sees your contentment and thus is wounded.
2. The narcissist may browse your social media (through a false profile, looking through a profile of someone you are friends with) even though you have locked it down and sees posts which show your contentment.
3. Friends, family, colleagues tell the narcissist about your contentment without you knowing they have done this.
B. The no contact is not as robust as people think it is, so the narcissist learns about the contentment.
Thank you HG for a very thorough clarification. I know I cannot possibly know if exN has seen me while driving past for example. I have him blocked on social media and do not post anything that is public, and have severed ties with mutual friends, thus the chances of obtaining info about me are hopefully smaller. Guess he could still ambush me at my workplace – so remaining vigilant!
If I’m painted coal black why is he always asking the kids questions about what I’m doing or who so and so is?
Knowledge is power.
I have too much class to take random men around my kids so he can suck my toe as there will be no knowledge to acquire! Those are the things he wants to know.. What/who I’m doing..
“You have achieved contentment whilst we experience restlessness and you know this don’t you?”
Yup LOL
I love those moments when I know he’s watching my contentment, racking his brain to figure that out. Often with that sinister, yet unsure/insecure smirk.
So true. Greaters will not stop punishing their targets using malignant actions over a long period of time until they destroy them and/or their loved ones.
This is one of my favourites. As it explains a particular summers evening I always felt perplexed about…. until now.
I can relate to this so much.
Another great informative post as always HG.
I remember when I went on a healthy eating kick to lose weight last year. At first he was all weird about it saying I love you the way you are, do this for you if you want to but you know you always say you’ll go on a diet and you always seem to never start.
Anyways I did start and he was encouraging at first but as it became apparent I was sticking to it and doing something for myself and doing well at it I then got the little digs such as the diet is making you crazy, you’re becoming more sensitive since you’ve been on a diet, you’re becoming more insecure and paranoid etc etc. Then each weigh day id tell him how I’d got on and he wouldn’t reply (don’t I know just how busy he is at work) to my message or he would be really non plused about it leaving my high of an achievement becoming something that wasn’t nice as I’d be wondering why he wasn’t happy for me and why he wasn’t encouraging etc. Sort of like someone throwing a bucket of ice water over your head. Only way to describe how it made me feel 🙁
Through being healthy I decided to do a walk marathon for charity and the narcissist decided to do it too. At first he joined in the training and then all of a sudden he withdrew again around about the same time I’d dropped a few dress sizes from the diet and was becoming physically fit – too hot, too cold, looks like rain, I’m tired, plenty of time to train we don’t have to do it everyday, you’re taking it to extremes etc etc.
Ultimate gut punch and ultimate discard while I was losing weight he was cheating and I found out about his cheating (wasn’t the first just the only one I could prove) when I’d got to my goal and shortly before we were due to do the marathon walk together – a big important thing for me. I found out on holiday the depth of his lies and got more lies and a lot of triangulation before I finally got the truth from his a lot younger than him new supplies ex husband. Then the slap in the face when his new supply contacted me and sent me all his messages all his pictures.
Did I forget to say that id also got the confidence to get a new job and when I found the truth about my ex narc it was the night before I started said new job. I got no sleep and walked all night in pure shock but also because I realised now I knew. That nagging feeling in my gut for years was right. I don’t remember much of that night or the weeks following it I was literally like a functioning zombie.
As you can imagine my work is a painful reminder of what happened and finding out that I was with a narcissist and over 10 years of hell finally hit me and I realised I never knew this person.
The ultimate mind f**ck the new supply is a big girl and it made me feel for so long that if only I hadn’t gone on a diet he would still be here and it was my fault as it all happened during this time.
HG is it a coincidence that my worst devaluation and the actual discard came about at a time when for the first time in years I was doing something positive for me? It just all seems so awful that at a time of what should’ve been something good turned out to be the worst pain I have ever experienced?
No, it is called being Jealous Of Your Contentment, see the article of the same name.
I love writing. I love the relaxing feeling of forgetting one’s reality, it’s just a way to play pretend as when me and few other kids at my house would play “A-team”.
It’s different for you though. You are a slave to write or to make videos cause you can’t look people in the eye and talk about YOU and your pain and past cause that’s what you did, build a life around your pain. It lives with you everyday, might as well make money off it.
I wish I could tell everything your eyes have told me in the last few years. But even you deserve your privacy.
You’ve never seen my eyes so as usual you are writing nonsense.
Nonsense must be what she “loves” to write!
Nonsense must be the type of writing that gives her “the relaxing feeling of forgetting one’s reality.”
Nonsense must be what goes through her head at all times so there’s no point in trying to produce anything of structure or significance.
Are you implying that you know HG , you don’t and there is something of a veiled threat in that final statement .
If you hate HG so much why are you here ?
For fuel, Kiki, why else?
Do you think her thinly veiled threat to “expose” your true identity, even though she does not know you, is due to her subconcious fear of having her mask ripped of and being dismantled; an unconcious projection?
It’s grandiosity, threat and deflection.
There are some who think they know who I am , I.e. a real person with a name but they are always wrong. So they tell me I am Robert Huntingdon for example and there is a Robert Huntingdon but I’m not him. That’s magical thinking. Usually they claim to know me but don’t even offer any evidence and that’s grandiosity.
Nice new picture. We always knew you are highflying, now we have proof!
Hey Pamela, do I sense a tall poppy syndrome ? I know very well that H.G. doesn’t need a lawyer. But guess what – the genuine, authentic readers of this blog have a great respect for H.G. Led me shred the light on you why – because of his Honesty. I applaud his strength and courage to reveal so many details from his life in his articles, books, audio files, etc, etc. in order to raise awareness about the narcissism and moreover, to help the victims of his fellows narcissists ! HG had hurt people in the past but I don’t think he is a devil. The fact that he is providing so much information; the fact that he is approachable via his blog, consultations and so on ; the fact that he always answers all the questions from his readers – all those facts speak volumes!
I never came across such an open and honest adviser. I truly respect his privacy and his will to remain anonymous and not showing his face to the mainstream audience or to his readers.
And please allow me to remind you that the envy is one of the seven deadly sins- in case you are a Christian. And if it so – there in Angel Assistance button at the menu of this site . Who has implemented this assistance package the “ devil H.G. “ of course .
P.S. Apologies for the misspelling , please read ‘ Let me shed a light ..’ instead ‘ Led me shred a light’
“We”?
What was done to you as a kid was not your fault and you deserve better. You yourself deserve inner contentment.