Forever on the Fake
Fakery, fabrication and lies are the bricks and mortar of our existence. They are the bread and butter that enable us to have sustenance. I know that when you look back at the golden period you always struggle to understand that it was not real. You cannot fathom out how something that felt so right, so true and so real could actually be something so false. Our behaviour seemed so genuine. Our declarations of undying love so moving and emotive, how could this be a façade? Yes you thought occasionally that we were a little over the top but you found that endearing. The reason it seemed so genuine is because our performance was so convincing. This performance was of such a high calibre owing to two things. The first because we have practised repeatedly and we possess experienced ease at mimicking the behaviour of others. We have done it so often and to so many people we do it without thinking. And there is the neat segue into the second reason. We do it without thinking because we believe it to be absolutely the right thing to do. We are not concerned that we are exhibiting a false front to you. We are not troubled by the fact that all our smiles, kisses and pleasantries are manufactured. Not only are we not burdened by this because we are not designed to be burdened by such concerns it also because we have the complete and utter conviction that behaving in this manner is the right thing to do. We need to seduce you. We need to ensnare you and what better way to do so than by this campaign of love and desire? Where is the harm in that? We get you where we want you, we receive dollops of delicious fuel and you feel loved, wanted and placed on a throne at the top of a pedestal. It is a win- win surely?
Does it really matter that your bag is a fake Louis Vuitton? It holds objects, feels the same and looks the same, so where is the problem? That Blu-ray disc is not a genuine licensed film but you can still watch it all the same with next to no deterioration in viewing pleasure, so again, what is the issue? Our fakery works for you and it works for us.
Our façade to the world of being charming, reliable and wonderful despite that particular mask being removed behind closed doors again is just a necessary device. How does it matter that friends and family are conned? They like me, they admire me and they believe me so where again is the harm in that? Yes, they may not believe what you have to say about me based on my façade but that is your fault. If you had kept up the flow of fuel this would not have to happen. Everyone else out there is in blissful ignorance and you want to change that. You want them to see what you claim is the real me. Why? All you will do is upset and alarm them. Is it not better that they remain shrouded in the illusion, content and unaware,rather than be subjected to the concern and worry that you seem intent on burdening them with? Why must you project your problems on to other people?
Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to. I have to keep you in your place, under my control and spewing out that negative fuel that I crave so much. If you had kept up the supply of decent quality fuel I would not have to say these things to you to provoke a reaction. I only do it because I must, I do not mean any of it. Even when you ignite my fury my hateful words and spiteful comments through this explosive fury is only based on a necessity to protect myself from your awful criticism of me. I do not mean it, it just has to happen. Do you understand now why it is not my fault? There is no real intent behind what I say and do, they are just merely actions which serve a purpose to ensure I get the fuel that I need.
From my seduction, through to my façade to everyone else and even my devaluing of you, it is all based on a fabrication. A necessary set of illusions required to preserve my existence. No matter who I deal with, who I interact with or who comes within my sphere of influence, I roll out the lies, the untruths and the perfidy. Everything I say or do is manufactured but I have an utter conviction in the necessity of this manufactured process so that this, couple with an absence of conscience or remorse enables me to churn out the lies and illusions like a factory production line.
I am always on the fake. And that’s the truth.
59 thoughts on “Forever on the Fake”
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HG, is naivety in an adult connected to being an empath? If so, how does one override that characteristic?
It is a high manifestation of trust. You cannot remove it but you can address it through the application of Logic Defences.
Thank you, HG, for explaining!
I am trying to picture how to apply logic at first step when the story seems plausible. I can see doing it in the middle when flags are blaring.
Is there a way to do it where you don’t learn to not trust anyone at any level?
Is it glaringly obvious to narcissist who would be naive; or is it like fishing and just seeing what is caught?
I was recently reminded of the show “Coupling” (British version). Some of the things Jane said were meant to be funny that someone could think/say that. Is that how it is for a narcissist when they find someone naive? Is it funny?
You must first reduce your emotional thinking so that when you come across narcissist thereafter, the Red Flags are not only obvious but you take notice of them. I recommend you organise a consultation with me and I will guide you as to how this can be achieved.
Thank you, HG! I will arrange to learn more from you to help in the future.
I used to be naive, but I … I don’t know. I thought I wasn’t, anymore.
With makeup correctly placed, I can make myself look more sophisticated, worldly, and like I know completely what is going on. But, when I take the makeup off, I look confused, again. It’s amazing what makeup can do. I usually don’t wear it much, but my niece has been using my face as a canvas to experiment on. Ugh. LOL… but, she’s so cute!
Hello, Tamara. I feel the same about being naive. I also thought I was “cured.”
That’s nice of you to be the canvas for your niece! I wear make up only when I think I need to. You’re right about make up and what it can do. I also notice a difference in how I come across with make up than my normal look.
Me, too, GT. I actually do not normally wear makeup often, at all. Yes, my niece is just going through a phase, I think.
I wonder when this phase will be over? 😊 lol. You should see what she does with my hair. 😳
I am “getting there”, too. I am less naive, I think, than I used to be. I am less taken-in by the changing moods of others because now I see their changing moods as a sign to Get Out.
Before, I “could not see the forest thru the trees”, and when their moods went back to being “kind”, I took them as being “kind people”, forgetting about all their past toxic behavior.
But, it never fails; each and every time, toxic people will always return to their abusive behavior of Projection, not being accountable, doing the same things in which they excuse us, switch and bait, deflecting, Stonewalling, Delusions, and so forth. It never fails. It is their core structure.
It is the fruit they bear that helps us to know what kind of tree they actually are, despite their words, or which mood they are in at any given time.
But, not everything is so “cut & dry” as toxic people would have the others believe. I am referring to Reactive Abuse, here (when one has been around Toxic people all their lives and is experiencing Cognitive Dissonance, and in a state of chronic confusion).
Toxic individuals are rigid, and judge others in a “cut & dry” fashion because it fits their accusations.
I am sorry about this long response.
Hello, Tamara.
Please don’t apologize for the length of what you share. It was great to read, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
LOL how fun for both of you! If it is a phase, hopefully the next one will be as much fun.
That’s great that you are getting there and feeling less naive! Recognizing the signs and learning to allow yourself to walk away is such an important step! I have learned that toxicity doesn’t only come from narcissists. My tolerance for toxicity is higher for myself than for my child.
You are correct about toxic people not changing. What is interesting to me is the idea that there may be non narcissists around toxic behaviors so much and not able to recognize that they are adapting to the environment or learned behavior. Please do not take my thought as me thinking someone should stay around and try to polish to see if there is beauty below when it comes to toxic behavior of another.
GT, I understand. Thank you for your reply as it is very helpful. ♥️ I do appreciate it!
People say I’m genuine a lot and I never understand what that means, but it must be an empath thing
I’d be wary of those who say they’re genuine.
I meant they tell me I am, me! 😊 Sorry for poor wording and thanks for that advice.
I have noted to myself I need to listen to your advice and I’ll save myself a lot of tears.
You listen. You need to apply it.
True HG 🌷 I listen because you are a world leading expert not only on narcissism but on human psychology in general. You are a Great thinker using your genius to ease human suffering, you are a humanitarian. 🙌
Yes I still run off emotions 100%. I’m starting to learn what logic actually means. It means using real evidence, not my emotional interpretation.
I am always nervous when someone says, “trust me”.
HG sometimes I get really angry reading your emails how you justify perverting love and using it as a weapon , I know that you are just being honest about what your kind think and do but having been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment love bombed then devaluation and discard then rinse and repeat I have learned to escape and expose when Needed .
I know you would probably say like a baby but I really don’t know how you sleep at night or any of your kind lies infuriating me
Most of our kind do not see the lies, it is our truth. I know I sometimes lie in my private world but it does not concern me.
If they don’t see it and don’t understand that the truth it is twisted and perverted by unjustifiable reasoning then they really need help I look at your story and I feel sad that you’ve turned Out the way you have you really are missing out on so much yes love can hurt but it can also be the most pleasurable experience you’ll ever have it can also make your whole and that’s not just for empathic people that’s for everybody
When the “real” reveals itself it’s so ugly.
Yes, and soooo scary.
I see someone’s wish for the arm came true! 😂
HG are you a pilot??
I can fly planes.
Just thinking about all that power and thrusting beneath you is exciting.
Although, if I’m going to spread my wings I’d rather fly a pilot.
Ahhhh….
So poetically penned…
I think, too, you can play every instrument imaginable, have been to the moon, are a Hollywood stuntman, and might even be able to sing opera.
“I only do it because I must, I do not mean any of it. Even when you ignite my fury my hateful words and spiteful comments through this explosive fury is only based on a necessity to protect myself from your awful criticism of me. I do not mean it, it just has to happen. Do you understand now why it is not my fault?”
Yes, I actually understand from your point of view why it is not your fault.
And it’s nice to know, you would never mean it.
But here is what I don’t get: why do I feel that you would actually mean what you said precisely in some occasions – and I mean pointedly? I don’t even feel a flinch when I tune in to an emotional reaction! (although not always accurate, but pretty reliable).
But then why do I also feel there is truth based on what is written that you don’t mean what you say when it is hurtful?
Is this the difference between Lesser/Mid-range and a Greater? If so, is the Greater the one one who would say pointedly the hurtful things and actually mean them or is it the opposite?
I’m getting more of the fake. You can’t decieve me anymore. Woohoo!! I’ve read HGs posts and had a one on one conversation with HG. I recommend paying for a one hour consultation. It is beyond worth it.
Thank you.
I agree. Consulting with HG can halt years of anguish and confusion, it’s like the first beacon of light when therapists failed. HG understands the Narcissist and he understands you.
And that’s unfortunate, because underneath the facade is the real you, and I’d like to know him.
He will never know the real him. That is how the facade works.
You* you will never know the real him. That’s what I meant to say.
Nonsense! You’re only saying that because no one ever has.
And now I have quoted my favorite movie three times in the comments of HG’s blog.
Seriously, though, I’m not the one who will know him (HG). I only hope someday someone will. I know my ex narc, for real. Can’t deal with the beast, so I just go visit the boy, who is called “The Creature.” The boy is about 9, and I’m an experienced mother, so I am mothering him. We actually went out of his dark room and the beast found us, so I turned into a T-Rex and ate him. I let the boy drive his own ship for a while as me and the girl watched his back.
Magical thinking? Sure. Doesn’t matter, though, it helps. This is how you overcome a nightmare–you return to the movie and give it a different outcome, and this dispels its negative power. Something heinous was done to us because of who we are and using who we are. I won’t accept bitterness or hate, and I won’t pretend like it wasn’t real for me. He is fake. I am not. I will get through this with my ability to love intact. I am not afraid.
That dirty bastard WAS like a fake Louis Vuitton!! I had a fake one when I was younger. It looked like a LV but it didn’t feel like one. It didn’t smell like one and the handles frayed and one eventually broke. Didn’t last long before it was obvious that I did not purchase a quality handbag. Yes, that is a perfect example of my ex narcs fakery.
“Always on the fake” is a catchy one-liner HG. It must be an original because I googled and nothing came up. Ironic considering the article but not surprising considering your talent.
That fake stuff is really “in” now with young ppl. I wonder why… jk. I always thought it was ugly, especially stuff with the logo plastered over it. it’s too funny, though. I remember my sisters wearing these items. Additionally I’m obsessed with this guy’s show. He and his “homies” buy fake and real items from the 80s for his store and resell it.. LV, Armani, Polo, Air Jordan’s, etc. His nickname is from one of the Garbage Pail Kids.. Here’s a link to local news talking to him: https://www.kgun9.com/news/local-news/a-look-inside-slobbys-world-the-local-store-on-netflix
I literally read your entire blog over the past 24 hours. It was mesmerizing for someone like me who has finally been able to make sense of all the lies, pain and manipulation… After realizing it was all some cold, calculated plan of my ex narc I still couldn’t wrap my heart around the “why” but hearing it from your view taught me the truth. And I know I didn’t deserve any of the abuse and I know it wasn’t my fault. He really was just an emotionless, soul-sucking parrasite and I will no longer let him take up space in my head .. let alone my heart!
I Am Destroyed
Looks like it’s time for a name change then.
Welcome, IaD.
You did not deserve any of the abuse and it was not your fault. Abuse is a choice. There are healthy, constructive ways to deal with conflict.
Remember what is healthy for you is not healthy for us and vice versa. You do not resolve conflict with a Narcissist through a constructive engagement as you would with a non narcissist. You GOSO and/or use the enforcement of a legal system (if available) . Thinking there is a healthy constructive way to resolve conflict with a Narcissist is emotional thinking.
That’s what keeps me in no contact HG. Those constant logical reminders. Thank you.
You’re welcome.
Hello HG
You are right. I apologize for not expressing myself clearly. By no means did I imply it is possible to resolve conflict with a narcissist in a constructive way.
I meant that all of us have a choice as to how we want to handle conflict and to abuse someone is (sadly) an option that some people choose.
As for narcissists, MRNs also choose what they want to do, while Lessers are more instinctive.
There are different reasons why MRN choose to abuse an individual in certain occasions only but not in others. They will verbally abuse an IPPS in devaluation behind closed doors but not in public, for instance. MRNs may verbally abuse their IPPS in devaluation for being served last but he will choose not to do it to a friend/NISS who did exactly the same. Parents will abuse the scapegoat who cannot do anything right but will choose not to abuse the golden child when confronted with the very same situation.
No need to apologise EB.
I know a lesser victim somatic narcissist. I asked him if he was a malign narcissist or sociopath early on, since I attract them. He looked like a deer in the headlights; said that his ex-wife insisted that he was a sociopath, but he didn’t know for sure.
I do not understand how he can NOT see what he is. He often said he felt no guilt, liked hurting people, justified his poor choices thinly at best, was a pathological liar, ad nauseum…
When his 2nd wife broke up with him, he vacillated between indignation, bravado, and misery. She was his financial support, so he couldn’t afford to lose her. He told himself that this must be what love is, bc he had never felt it before. It was loss: loss of control, financial freedom, his facade, everything.
He slept with many women, felt no guilt, knew to keep it secret from the wife. Even convinced her to keep the marriage secret.
Yet he still can not see what he is. Why? It’s so stupid: if he’d open his eyes and consider the strengths afforded by an unhindered conscience, he could harness his “power”. Why do lessers refuse to see what they are? He knows that he isn’t normal.
They do not refuse, that suggests choice. The Lesser does not know what he or she is and cannot know. The narcissism will not allow it. It must be that way for the narcissism to work as a self-defence mechanism.
Sorry, I don’t understand this.
You say “abuse was not your fault” and then “abuse is a choice”.
If you’re implying that she chose abuse, then it’s her fault, she chose wrong.
If you’re implying that abuse is really not her fault, I don’t see how it can be her choice.
Please explain a bit.
Abe
I could be wrong but I thought EB meant to abuse is the choice of the narc and that they could choose a different way. I hope EB can clarify, but I raise this as a possibility because she is not always here commenting.
Thank you, NA, this is what I had meant.
EB
No problem. I don’t presume to speak for anyone but I didn’t know if you would see the question and I felt I had interacted with you enough to hazard a guess.
NA, glad you did it. Thank you!
That was how I read it.
I just noticed how nice and sparkling white the teeth are in the featured photo.
Hello Abe Moline,
I implied that abuse was not her fault and that it was the perpetrator’s (the narcissist’s) choice to abuse her (instead of choosing another way to deal with conflict).
Thank you, E. B.
I guess I just wanted this cleared, it was a bit misleading even for HG 😀…
You are welcome, Abe Moline. I am sorry I did not make myself clear. English is not my first language.