Poll : How Were You Seduced?
How were you seduced by the narcissist (or narcissists if more than one)? Most people will identify with this in the context of the romantic dynamic, but it also applicable to the social or work dynamics also.
What was it about the narcissist in particular which resulted in your seduction? What formed part of the love-bombing? Did you fall for those radiant good looks, perhaps their sheer charisma blew you away or their largesse through gift-giving and taking you to wonderful places drew you in? Was this how they secured your friendship, achieved your loyalty through work or caused you to fall in love with the narcissist? The focus is on what it was about the narcissist as opposed to your inherent susceptibility.
Of course if you had more than narcissist ensnare you, it may have been different hooks which you drew you in or different hooks with the same narcissist, either way you can choose up to as many options as you need, if that is the case (you need to choose them all at the same time when completing the poll by the way).
Feel free to expand in the comments on what those heart hooks were and how they impacted on you. Perhaps you were surprised to find that his mind drew you in or you were stunned to find it was their apparent kindness that secured your love.
I look forward to your answers and thank you for participating.
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Dearest HG:
A sincere question: could a narcissist have a 20 yr or longer relationship with someone who has frontal lobe damage and therefore does not respond react or give fuel?
Wouldn’t that be the ultimate challenge?
Or would it become frustrating for a narcissist of any type?
An appliance which did not provide fuel would be disengaged from.
Thank you for your insight ..
Letting go of this one will have to happen without understanding on any level.
I’m having the hardest time letting go.
My MMR ELITE: Charisma, magnetism , Entertained, amused
Sensational sex,
Kind nature, shared interests, sharp mind,
Same job as myself, made everyday things exciting,
And treated me like a queen .(post shitty relationships)
All and only the good stuff . That’s why I stayed on as shelf and DLS for 6 years .
Now the LMR narcoholic – he was a booty call rebound from the MMR not working out as a proper relationship. He had ZERO of any of those qualities except the sex was good and I did find him amusing to drink with .
HE kept me hooked by using the opposites- all the bad stuff, from day one. Intermittent moments of good stuff- but I was heartbroken by MMR and was just drinking and fucking my pain away and before I knew it I was caught in his web. He’d use my insecurities and pain against me – he had nothing to good offer so I guess he was just real good at being real bad. The triangulation was unreal. I was angry at life and it’s amazing that he didn’t even have to offer a bronze period bc I was in such a shitty place. Total Mindfuck.
So I’ve been seduced (and kept) by all the techniques – good and bad – but from different narcs
Ps this is DEMBunny – new name as I’ve ended the MMR DLS situation and gone total NC.
WokeAF
Good decision. Love the new name.
Great poll. I feel stupid reading what I chose: magnetism, sensational sex, thrilling and dangerous, and brilliant mind. If that combination doesn’t spell disaster, I don’t know what does. LOL.
OlderWN, Sounds good to me too! 🙂
The same 4 i chose😑
Dear Mr Tudor,
The “weasel” was very cunning, sly n snuck his way in (typical of his namesake)
He really wanted what Mr Bubbles had (they became mates) …. the wife the family n happy life …..he thought we were perfect! I think his objective was to try and keep Mr Bubbles seat warm ( he had Buckley’s chance ) haha
He was “almost” an extension of our family by volunteering to pick up this in that for us, build or fix things. bake goods when we entertained (we both loved cooking)
We had a mutual interest in the same war conflict and he absolutely pity played his PTSD …..his daughter had already been a part of our family prior (to this day she still struggles with mental issues, all his kids do)
He was “in” …..that was his seduction to our family !
Thank you for another fabulous poll!
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi Bubbles,
I had wondered if the Weasel had targeted you. I do not have all the story but I assume by your comment he did.
Glad he did not succeed.
Dear Lou,
Yes, absolutely, he targeted me ! (Unbeknowns to me at the time)
He made a point of telling me at the near end of the friendship
“Remember, that party, I “deliberately” positioned myself to stand next to you”
“I used to notice you, when you drove past me at ….. ….. ”
“I deliberately drove past your place to go to ……. ….. ”
Freaky deaky much !
I was the lucky one that got away because ” I ” ended it …. (he misjudged me big time)
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear Bubbles,, I guess he also told you all that because he sensed the friendship was dissolving and he was pathetically trying to “seduce” you again.
Glad you got away, Bubbles.
Dear Lou,
He may have … I’m not really sure !
I just felt he was playing the sympathy vote……again !!
He had just had a heart attack, so his ex (my close friend and the mother of his daughter) asked if I could help him and his daughter with cooking meals and cleaning their house
We were the only ones who were there in his time of need
Then his whole dynamics suddenly changed …. just like that !
It was like we were strangers !
Next thing I knew, I had been replaced (I believe it was a nurse/carer)
His ex told me they had an on/off relationship, had major rows and have since parted ways !
I told him a long time ago, he would die a lonely old man …my curse is working …. I haven’t been known to be wrong yet …..mwahahaha!!
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Regarding romantic relationships in the past, I chose:
– charisma and magnetism
– kind nature
– entertained and amused
– job, status, achievements
Regarding friend or family relationships, I chose:
– felt sorry for him/her
– existing familial relationship
Romantically, when I think about it more closely now, it was usually them that approached me and started to chat and be friendly. Mostly, I was flattered by the attention and thought that their efforts in trying to be charming or persistent meant they were genuinely interested. LOL, yes, they were interested but not in the way I believed them to be!
It’s quite strange to me though when I think back on it. Generally, the narcs who seemed interested were also *interesting* to me. They stood out and there was a kind of ‘buzz’ in the air even before they said anything. There was a mysterious pull or magnetism there – like a kind of recognition – that was missing when it came to ‘normals’.
At the end of the day I just want to be loved in a unique fashion that shows someone cares about me for me.
I’ve never experienced this in this life.
There’s something broken in me that I continue to trust people who dk the first thing about how to treat another human being.
Until I figure out what’s broken…I can’t allow myself in another relationship.
That’s all.
Hi sq….dont feel alone in that many find it hard to find someone who accepts them completely and treats them well. Youre right it starts with you and how you feel about yourself. Self love is about protecting yourself and having boundaries that respect who you are. Its a skill self love and one that needs to be practiced daily. It doesnt come naturally to those that never grew up with it from a nurturing parent.
Just curious.
Why do you conduct these Polls?
To give you a voice.
Dear Mr Tudor,
https://youtu.be/lkbP5OPQhdQ
“Our voice” 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bloody hell, that was quick !!! 😱🤣
Bubbles, I wanted to tell you that I recently streamed a film off the Criterion called ‘Dance Girl, Dance.’ It has both Maureen O’Hara and Lucille Ball when they were young and Lucille is playing a character named Bubbles!
Upon watching it, I thought of you. There’s Bubbles!
Dear Bibi,
Aw, how sweet … thank you !
I luv old movies
I haven’t seen that movie for yonks, I’ll watch it again
Funny thing is…. I actually did a hula dance on stage, grass skirt n all …🌺🏝
I saw a video today and someone’s cat was named “Mr Bubbles” …there you go
One thing is for sure …there is no angry way to say “Bubbles”.. hahhaha
Thank you again lovely Bibi ….nice to know you can relate ..hehe
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Kind of like the letters… we get to tell our story. I appreciate having an avenue to do so as I would completely tire those in my personal life trying to explain what abuse feels like. I find unless someone has experienced something they rarely care if someone else had. I also find our society puts up with more and more poor behaviour and just accepts it as normal.
With that said, I do find it contributes to emotional thinking… as it takes me back to a time and place I’m trying to forget. With me the rumination is quite severe just on its own. I’m often a prisoner of my own thoughts. I’ve read your explanations many times on how here we receive constructive feedback… so therefore it doesnt go against no contact. But I still think it contributes to ET regardless.
I’m interested in getting out of my ET. And dealing with my cyclical thoughts, which is the best source for this?
I never really understood that one but I think it was the fact that he was really present and available – I could count on him. Felt supported and secured . Funny when I think about it now. Today I feel totally left out and not trust him one bit.
I was seduced across the Atlantic with music. Along with his good looks, charming personality and sense of humor. I still remember the first romantic love song he sent me. I was in love when I heard it and watched the video . A few years into the relationship , after we had moved in together, I sent him the same song, it meant a lot to me. He didn’t even remember sending it to me!
Helped me when I was going through a rough time. With the flowers and all the gifts. Trips we went on the very expensive dinners And the sex was unbelievable..He was well educated and a military officer. He was a good looking guy. Looked so nice looking in his military uniform. Came across as a nice guy. The mid ranger narcissists are so slick. He had me hook line and sinker.
Bastard has lied to me from the very beginning.
He gave me this idea that he has been waiting for me…that I’m “the one” and like a desperate sheep I followed the shepherd right into the slaughterhouse.
My desperation sickens me.
Our sex and affection was top notch in the beginning until we moved in together…then it disappeared like a fart in the wind. He swept me away and kept me at arms length.
He promised he would be here for me no matter what. I’m working on how not to be raging angry (sounds similar to the last relationship with a narcissist I had – medicate me into not feeling my feelings)…I didn’t know why I was reacting so hard. His compassion was so great he broke up with me saying what a relief it was to not have the burden of me anymore.
I begged him to take me back…one more chance and all that…see I really have feelings for this person…idiot I am…he laughed in my face and then retracted saying it was some knee-jerk reaction of genetics. Nothing but lies from day one.
There aren’t words bad enough for me to feel satisfied saying them as an insult to him.
Ive stopped talking to him since mothers day when he broke up with me.
I’ve committed myself to being the parent my inner child always needed. And the process of moving away from him emotionally and every other way is my ultimate goal now.
I tried to be a third with him and his wife. His wife thinks after he dumped me I’m going to continue spending time with her. I don’t get how either of them think. Sincerely fucked up.
Her sensitivity level is nil. How can she not see all she could ever be is a reminder of all the pain I endured in these fucked up relationships?
And in letting go of the pain I have to release the fun stuff, the cute stuff and the warm stuff too. I’m in so much pain. The suffering has brought me close to suicide on more than one occasion and even the desire to drink. (I’m a sober person for over 20yrs)
I kept in touch with my friends. I’m rekindling some other friendships.. I’ve given up on relationships of the intimate nature…no sex…using counselling as a way to be validated & shown my worth…I may never be in another relationship but I’m not going to lose myself to another person ever again. This way I win.
Fuck them!
Brilliant mind (wit, knowledge) + I was sorry for him. It was all albout him and his problems and my wants to cure him, bring him light, be his saviour. Also he was very persistent in his seduction.
Bluewave
I get this. I felt sorry for him for the sob stories he fed me about his evil ex. I just wanted to love his hurt away 🙄🙄 He was also very persistent in the beginning as well 😞
Wow, seems a lot of us were entertained and amused. The sensational sex actually did not happen until after I was already hooked. That took only about 45 minutes, but obviously it was something else. It was his intelligence and wit. He had me from the word go.
SMH, he seduced you in 45mins?!
😭😁
What took him so long?
lol HG. He was that mesmerizing.
Actually, now that I understand more I do see how that happened. We met for a drink for about 45 minutes and then he was away for two weeks. I wasn’t hooked per se but he left a long silence while he was travelling – I was already shelved before we’d even started!! When he returned the seduction happened within 15 minutes of us seeing each other again.
It was actually pretty stupid of me, I know. I had to go to a party and I was too tired to go out to meet him, return, and leave again, so I let him come over.
Sort of, Narc Noob. As I was just explaining to HG, we had a first date for a quick drink that lasted about 45 minutes. He was on his way to the airport and was then gone for about 2 weeks. During that time, there was dead silence (he did email after we saw each other but then went silent), so of course the intermittent reinforcement had already started. I just did not realize it at the time. When he returned, he contacted me from the airport (no warning of course). I was going to a party that evening and didn’t want to go out to meet him (lazy) and then have to return to where the party was, which was very close to where I live, so I let him come over. My fault completely!! It’s not something that I would normally do but we had a lot in common (it was not mirroring) and I felt comfortable with him.
Well …he seduced me by making me feel special . He helped put a window unit in my apartment which was an old brick historical place I was living in . I was newly divorced, and going back to school for art . I think he was attracted to artistic types . I met him in a bar while I was living with a massage therapist girl friend. He was an alcoholic . He would show up drunk and I would convince him to get in my car for a ride and I would dump him many miles away near his parents house.
He eventually stopped showing up drunk and would help me with some large assignments for art school. He was a talented woodworker . He had access to a wood shop and he would make me furniture …a desk , an armoire, eventually two dressers ….these are items I would pick out of a magazine and he would reproduce items for me with any kind of wood I choose .
I got pregnant …and I was put in the hospital (because of contractions not stopping), with twins and one didn’t have a heart . I was there for a whole month everyday in bed ..I wasn’t able to get up or shower , nothing . He stayed with me night and day by my side …in a cot . I was given heavy doses of magnesium to reduce the contractions …I was not able to move my arms or legs and barely my head they had over dosed me on the mag……if he wasn’t right there for me in the middle of the night I would have drowned in my own vomit . I remember it like yesterday . It was 22 years ago. This all ounces very romantic …I look back on it emotionally . Our twins were born from an emergency c-section. Of course only one was going to be able to live . She didn’t make it. It was long ago. We have two pretty teens now . I could write a book on all the negative . It would be shocking to some.
Brilliant mind, similar interests, great sex, good looks, the right touch etc. I am not a materialistic woman and gifts are never a factor in hooking me in or cementing a relationship. What hooks me in is chemistry and a man’s persistence in winning me over for the long term. After forming a romantic and intimate relationship he should convince me in subtle ways that we should stay together, then the next phase would be to work on the same goals in life, pulling in the very same direction. Not because I say so but because he wants to naturally. That will hook me in.
The midrangers were charming, dinners, gifts, compliments, one helped me through a difficult time.
The two greaters were more about brilliance, me feeling awe and turned to chasing them. They did buy gifts too, admitted. One feels so lousy/tired next to a greater. Not realizing that what they concentrate on is draining ppl of energy.
Great poll!
I was very happily married, and quite honestly at the happiest time in my young adult life. He was a much younger, recently married man, who worked at the same place as me where I worked part-time evenings. I ‘recognized’ him when I first saw him but didn’t take it too seriously as he was very charming and charismatic and I just didn’t take him seriously. He became obsessed with me, and I would overhear him saying he thought I was perfect and he was following me home when I drove, calling me at home and then hanging up, staring obsessively at me, and other crazy things. I felt watched constantly. I was warned to steer clear of him from other people he worked with and was told about his numerous infidelities and indiscretions, and he talked openly about the terrible things he did to women from strip clubs and other places. The prior showroom receptionist left suddenly and was said to have had a mental breakdown. He would talk within earshot about how he was able to do many things to women and talked about Ted Bundy and Charles Manson and freedom of choice. Then things got really strange. I was woken up every night at 1:00 am and I knew it was him, and then things just got stranger and stranger from there on. It was a horrible cat and mouse game. He was able to do things that I never knew possible. Call it a seduction, which in some ways it was, but what he did, and what he is capable of doing defies description with his ‘friends’ it was all something completely out of this world. I had no idea people were even capable doing of what he did and continues to do to me. I dreamed about him several times over the years before I met him (dreams complete with smells like cigarette smoke even though I was not a smoker) and I had met many of the people I worked with during that four month job many years ago in numerous dreams. I even remember seeing what he could do but it never made sense to me at all. In one dream, about 10 years prior, I told a man in an office that it wasn’t real and that he must be an alien. I left that job abruptly just as the young woman did before me, and with no notice, and never reported him. What he was able to do turned my life upside down. I ended up going through a horrible divorce. I was threatened by him that he would kill me, my husband and my three year old daughter if I ever told. I will never understand what he is capable of doing. He is still married, has two young girls of his own, and his Facebook pages show that his façade continues, and I know he seduces other women. I have done everything to empower myself. It makes me physically sick that there are people like this out there. He has always called it love and the power he has is truly satanic. I have my own masks I wear and nobody knows what I endure 365/7/24 hours a day. He has made our minds and bodies one, and yet we live separate lives. I know he will never change, and this has been going on for over 22 years. I am a sane women and I am thankful to H.G. Tudor for explaining what goes on in their minds, because while my life is so much better, and my spirit is strong, and I will admit that he has matured and changed through the years, and thankfully lets me sleep more at night and doesn’t make me cry as much as he used to, and he has stopped devaluing me, and he has become more of a ‘background noise’ but sometimes he strongly makes himself heard. I know there are others like him out there. I am sorry this is so long! Thank you for your writing and your blog. While I hate what you are it is helping me understand people like him. Some days I swear I am not going to read anymore but then I think, maybe he is learning something too. Yes, a part of me never gives up hoping he will just finally leave me alone. I have been living over 2000 miles away from him for almost 15 years now. How is that even possible? Thank you!
So I’m not the only one who has those dreams? Glad to know, because I was thinking I was imagining stuff. I have vivid dreams frequently, and lucid dreams sometimes. Immediately after escaping the narc -although not having gone NC yet – I started having very vivid dreams in which the narc and I interacted, almost every night. One day I spied his social media and he had posted a picture of himself saying: “Dream a little dream of me.” I got goosebumps. I haven’t had any more dreams after going NC.
I suppose some of them go for the satanic type harassment. That stuff is real, but it is easy enough to fight it off. I will go for two weeks without talking to him, then I get really sad and panicky and that’s when he usually sends me a text. Yes, I have established the wrong no contact. I have dreamed of him three nights in a row, too. I don’t ascribe it to him, though. We are all energy, and I haven’t gotten rid of the deep longing I have yet for him. And I am a very powerful person, spiritually speaking. I’ve never doubted what I saw when I looked at him with my eyes closed. That’s partly why I got with him. He didn’t give me that image. he doesn’t even believe in it. I walk in dreams and when speaking will lapse into metaphorical descriptions, which whips the bees in his head into a frenzy. So you can imagine how well it went over when I told my ex ULSN that he had a very fierce purpose from God. This is the guy who likes to sign up to hook up with strangers, can’t hold a thought in his head for 30 seconds, brags about cheating on his wives, is a brute, etc. The disgustingness he hides…that he thinks damns him…won’t change God’s purpose.
Don’t be afraid of your dreams, and don’t think it is all the narc’s doing. You are energy, too.
I’m not afraid of my dreams, Caron. I have been having lucid dreams way before I met the narc. I sometimes prefer to be sleeping, in my dreams I can control better than in real life. That’s why I think I was dreaming about him, to gain some answers or get closure. I haven’t had those dreams again and I don’t need any closure or any conversation with him anymore either. I don’t long for him at all. And I value my sleep, because that motherfucker kept me awake until ungodly hours with his sexting shenanigans and his word salads. He can keep that to himself and whoever is victim of the month, I prefer to be sleeping.
Thank you Caron! Your responses have helped me gain perspective. I know it all sounds unbelievable, even to me, but it is all very real. For him it was a do or die connection and I was seduced to succumb to his wavelength. What is more enchanting to a narc than to find his image in another woman’s memories? My first dream of him was when I got my first period and I met him when I was 38. I have always had premonitions. There is telepathy between us. I dreamt of him before he was even born. If you knew me you would believe me because I am an honest soul. Thank you and good luck with your no contact. I am often not able to like or comment on this website and I was blaming our work filters. I will see if this works.
scareemaree
WOW! That’s a crazy story!
We are all made of energy. Have you considered that this is your power as much as his? That he can only do this because of who you are and what you are capable of? Also, there is no distance in spirit.
That, I believe. The satanic story, not that much.
Hi scareemaree…im confused you had dreams about him before youd met him? Like premonitions?
So you werent involved with him but he was stalking you for all these years? Thays crazy hed not give up especially if youd never been involved. He sounds like a psychopath. Why didnt you get a restraining order? Im sorry to hear you divorced.
Over the ten years we have known each other, we shared interests: Art, reading, music, cities where we would live, the ocean, wine… I always was made believed that we were very similar in tastes and personality. I didn’t understand why he married his wife. He also looks good but I was not so attracted to his body, I wanted the person I thought was behind that. He seduced me slowly, for ten years, and without even seeming to do it. And when the time was perfect, he love bombed me with messages declaring his crush on me and excessive flattery: you are a goddess, my heart starts pumping when I am close, I absolutely have fantasies of you etc. I didn’t put up any resistance.
How did it end, SP?
That’s a good question, NB. Considering he is a narc, the answer to the question is already in it. It cannot end in any other manner with them. No Contact. That’s how I ended it. One year now.
Ah, yes, that makes sense. Just wondering what weird crap he did, but yes you’ve answered my question! I’m sure I can intuit it, very true.
From the moment I heard his voice over the phone it began.
I chose:
• Charisma and magnetism
• A brilliant mind
• Treated me well post terrible relationship
• Entertained and amused
• Good looks
• Shared interests
My daughter (and unborn baby’s) father is extremely extraverted and full of life with just about everybody he meets.. He is very attractive to me, standing at 6’3″ tall and having a figure of a model, I used to tell him.. Not only that, but he is exceptionally intelligent and left other guys I had dated in the past in the dust when it came to intellect and how to verbally express himself in spoken words and especially writing.. He is a talented spoken word artist, and delivers his creations in the form of poetry and rap (with no music).. This is a shared interest of ours and was a very strong bond between us throughout all of our 13 years of knowing each other.. When we first met in high school, we would literally sit beside each other in class and come up with lines together.. And in the most recent years of being engaged with him in this dynamic, I’ve come to realize he relied on this heavily as a part of his hoovering tactics with me.. He knew I believed in him and his talent so much that even while he was dating other sources, or if we hadn’t talked to each other in weeks because of me being devalued, when he had a performance coming up, he would always say he wanted me to be there.. (and so I’d show up).. He is really funny.. He and I had a gazillion inside jokes over these years that we would always effortlessly come back to after having spats.. We called it “recall”–the simple recollection of funny things we encountered in our day to day lives together.. I mean, we could literally make jokes about anything and have hearty laughs about them forever and always.. Our senses of humor are basically the same and we both have child-like spirits–not to mention we met each other while we were basically still children…well, minors.. That was another thing he appealed to me with in all of his hoover attempts: just going back to being kids and goofy with each other.. And last but not least, I had two prior relationships where I had been physically assaulted by my boyfriends.. My daughter’s father promised to never hurt me like that.. At first he was very attentive to my desires and needs, checking in on what I was thinking, and always looking for ways to help me practically in day to day life–all of the things my boyfriend before him didn’t do.. I really appreciated my daughter’s father back then and I miss those days.. But now they are *very* distant memories that I’ll never be in touch with ever again.. I am at 8 full months of disengagement; 96 days of no contact/communication with him at all; and I have 19 more days till my due date with our son.. It’s been a long hard road, but I can truly say that I have finally arrived.. All I’m anticipating now is the birth of my baby boy and I feel more or less indifferent towards the fact that his father will not be around when that time comes.. His loss..
Bekah
96 days is amazing! Well done 👍🏼👍🏼
Thank you, Joanne.. The downside to it is that he hasn’t seen or even attempted to have seen his daughter in all of these days, plus some.. He literally has not laid eyes on her since last year in 2018..
Bekah
That’s really sad and I’m sure it’s something you struggle with as a mom. But as you know, you can’t make him be a decent person, even as a father. That is on him. So the only way to look at it is that it’s for the best – for you and your daughter. How are you feeling? When is the baby coming?!
Thank you, Joanne.. I really do appreciate your kind words.. You are absolutely correct!
I am doing okay.. Kinda restless, but still trucking along, working, just awaiting the day of labor.. My baby is due in exactly two weeks.. July 15th..
I chose a few. Shared interests, kindness, entertaining, mind blowing sex… its funny tho bc its like it started off as these but the core of it was his always having been there. He 95% of the time is on time and always there for me. I see that this was the real seduction. I feel like i can depend on him. He has been a constant and for someone who struggles with abandonment issues and codependancy that is the ultimate seduction. The easy part has been learning about his npd and the not so easy part has been learning about myself and facing certain truths. The real work is owning why you were seduced and possible work needed from within.
I try not to play the blame game. Ive stepped out and looked at the broad picture. I dont regret meeting him. I do have regrets about being involved bc of my marriage. Its taken away in a lot of ways but ive also grown as a person learning about npd and people in general. Im no longer naive and see things a lot more clearly. Im also less judgemental as a result of what ive experienced and learned. More forgiving as well. Itd be a waste to cry and rant about all ive been thru instead im taking what i can from it and growing from it in a useful positive way.
Charisma and magnetism
Good looks
Entertained and amused
Helped me through a difficult time
It took a while before I allowed myself to be seduced by him. I’ve known him forever and knew was he was about so I never thought of him in this way. But, once he began his pursuit, he was very charismatic. He’s a great story teller. He has a boyish charm which comes across as slightly awkward but with an air of confidence.
He is not a GQ model but he is very good looking, especially for someone approaching middle age. He is also the opposite of what my usual “type” is, so that somehow increased his appeal.
I was entertained and amused in our interactions and conversations. And the love bombing…
He “helped me through a difficult time.” – I was feeling low on myself, in somewhat of a rut in my marriage and felt tired, and overworked all around. This was when he really placed himself on my radar and was just the remedy. Little did I know at that point that my “difficult time” was about to be made worse a hundred times over.
I didn’t select “kind nature,” but in a way that was part of the seduction as well. I had always known him to be a jerk, yet he was so sweet with me. And his whole show of being a great father and family man and just “all around good guy” routine really had me fooled.
Hi joanne…isnt it so convenient how they inject themselves into our lives during a low point.
For a MMRN, it was good looks and lots of shared interests/mirroring.
For a LMRN, it was treated well post-disengagement/shelving with the MMRN (within 6 months of disengagement) and entertaining. The signs were there, but I overlooked them. I remember on our 2nd date, the LMRN made a bizarre comment and I thought, “That’s something the MMRN would have said.” Unfortunately, my emotional thinking flicked the thought away and down the rabbit hole I went.
What fresh hell am I in. Haven’t been able to use likes for ages and now not getting comments. Haven’t changed a thing. Just mentioning in case anyone wonders why I haven’t responded to them. Not sure if it’s WordPress or email. It’s getting to be too much.
NA, I just happened to say yesterday that WordPress is entitled like a narc with no sense of accountability for anything ever. I wondered where you were these last days …
SweetP
I’ve received the articles and a few comments by email today (which is where I always receive them -not in wordpress app), but when I go to the article there are tons more comments I never got. All I did was flick the notifications off then back on on Wpress to get the few comments that I did. Sigh. Maybe this is why some people have disappeared and I wonder where they’ve gone.
Oh wow, I also get everything by email, maybe I’ve been missing comments too! That sucks.
Hi NA, FYI: When you make a WP change it can take 30 days to get back to normal, it did for me (around 35). Lame, but it will come back. WP can be annoying. Glad to see you posting though! I guess I’ll save any comments for you (beyond this one) for the end of July! 🤣
NA, I was wondering where you’d been! Turn about is fair play after all.
Hi NA, how long has your WP not been working for? Some of my comments don’t even show up, but that’s been happening for a while.
It must have been going on for awhile NA, I thought I did something to offend you, but then I did get your comment the other day. I was having problems a month or so ago and got in touch with them at word press about it. Hasn’t happened since.
FM1T
I have never been upset with you and can’t imagine that ever being the case. Also – I would tell you. No silent treatments here lol.
That I was missing many comments may have been happening longer than I thought. This time I got the articles for a few days but no comments so I just assumed HG was away. Then I hit read all comments and saw many. I hadn’t changed anything on WordPress but I went there anyway and all was the same. Thought I’d try the old I.T thing of turning it off and back on, so I did that under managing my subscriptions. Just after, I got about 15 comments and now I’m receiving a substantial number again but not sure if I’m getting them all until I check the articles individually. Like button still doesn’t work though. Turns colour when I hit it but just bounces me out of the comments and then back with the like not registered. I haven’t been able to fix that.
Long story short – If you’re having issues getting comments, going to WordPress under manage my subscriptions and toggling the button off and back on for receive all comments may help.
If anyone has a fix for the likes please share.
I can’t always see everyone’s comments. I try but if I miss it is nothing personal. I also can’t like anything, so there have been plenty I would have loved to like but can’t.
I had a best friend in elementary school who likely grew into a manipulative person/narcissist. She used to give me the silent treatment all of a sudden. We would be best friends one week and then she would refuse to sit by me at lunch, etc.
This crushed me b/c she was my best friend and i remember how sad and lonely I felt. Never understood why she did that.
She also used other pals to triangulate. Once when she and I were hanging out, she said, ‘I wish Laura were here.’
Then I asked the dread question, fearing the worst, ‘You mean, you, me and Laura?’
Wherein she said, ‘No, just me and Laura.’
Somehow I knew she would say that. She also used to be very condescending/belittling as a 9 yr old.
So mean! She and I stopped being friends in 5th grade. She also had to refer to my new friends as ‘nerds.’
Just had a memory after reading about re: silent treatment. Glad she is not my friend anymore!
Bibi, All of your comments seem lovely, funny, strong or kind, so this sad little manipulative ‘friend’ missed out and I hope you don’t give time to anyone that makes you feel that way ever again. Sorry for your disappointment, but good riddance!
NA and others, I was having the “like” issue also. It worked in the app, but not when I clicked on the comment from my email and was directed to narcsite. I found the fix though. Open another tab in your phone and log in to your wordpress account. I just leave that tab open in the background and it’s worked so far. Once I tried to like a comment and got the whole bouncey bounce thing NA described. I checked and had somehow gotten logged out of WordPress. Logged back in and like a charm, let the liking begin!
Dear NarcAngel,
I’m not even on WordPress and I can’t find some comments …. I thought I’d lost my marbles looking for them…….l still havent found them, or my marbles 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi NA,
If you created a filter to receive emails from WP o added WP to your safe senders list, then it is WP – not email. I am using the WP desktop app. The latest version (v4.2.0) doesn’t work on my system. I had to reinstall v4.0.0.
EB
Thank you. I did add Wpress to my safe list because I had an issue previously not getting them and it was email. Can’t win – always one or the other but usually Wpress. I’ll just keep plodding along until something happens that trips a Supernova. You will know because there will be an unexplained but spectacular explosion over Canada followed by a Polar Vortex and radio silence.
Bigger than HGs fireworks, NA?
NA, Ha ha Looking forward to watching that incredible SN explosion ! 😂
E.B.
I’m hoping WPress behaves and it doesn’t come to that.
We need K. She helped me figure this out.
Claire
Ha ha ha…I can’t get my “like” button to work consistently so I have stopped using it but I do get notifications.
Actually it’s not that easy to seduce me my last narcissist took 12 months I don’t fall for the love bombing, gifts Money titles they have to be reasonably good looking but it’s more my mind , ,kindness ,humility ,the broken narcissist victim has been a weakness for me just want to fix them but I guess it’s more feeling that you connect with someone On a mental level I am very different from most people one of the first things my last narcissist said to me was that he thought I was a misfit and it’s very true and I felt like he understood me but the one thing that made me completely trust him was he showed what I thought was humility I think he thought it was kindness or compassion He did something for me which did show those things but it was a job of someone beneath him in rank way beneath him and I know that narcissists don’t do that not even in the loving stage getting into my heart is like walking through a maze it’s not easy But once someone’s and I can never get them out
Oh god where do I start!
It was not looks, that is for sure.
This guy’s mind was incredible and I mean amazing!
Totally artistic in terms of prose and poetry, he would sing and dedicate songs to me, he was tortured, expressive, dangerous, unpredictable, exciting and hungry for my attention.
He was definitely a tortured soul, deep, mysterious, addictive.
His voice, his eyes, his smile became the most attractive man i’d ever known.
There was just something about him, an edge, a danger, a darkness – I could feel it. It was a vibration, a current and I was (over a year of seduction) crazy for him.
He’d always keep me wanting, delivering just enough….. it was a drip drip drip effect to being utterly submerged in him.
His intelligence, like a tortured mastermind, drew me in. I had to know who he was – who he really was.
Sexually i’d done things with him i’d never done before, at times, he was sadistic, very. It excited me. Curiosity peaked. At other times I was petrified. The contrast was addictive.
It was never about the sex, it was the mindfuck getting there.
He made me feel safe and protected, that was important especially during some sexual situations.
The nex blew my fucking mind! 100% blew my mind.
It’s made me think that someone else is now getting this 🙁
I will not relapse!!
He was handsome and did boast about his fancy toys and supposed achievements, but what actually drew me to him was that I regarded him as a good and giving man. How he was so kind and generous to people and they take from him without ever giving back. The irony.
Hi Desiree,
When I hear someone say that they are ‘givers’ and that other people are ‘takers’, I consider it a red flag. I had MRN friend who used to say ‘I am a giver’. Actually, she was a passive-aggressive MRN who ruined her friends’ relationships, including my friendship with a mutual friend.
E.B., yeah, my narc said he was more of a giver too. What he failed to say is that he was a giver of lies, of BS, of future faking, of triangulation, of gaslight, of silent treatments and very probably, of STDs.
I felt drawn to him. A connection. Like minded. A kindred spirit. We had fun, I loved how he laughed (hate it now). And I loved his looks.
Ah, we’re all so superficial. ;D Not many chose “Status, job”, etc. — that’s so typical of us. Not thinking at all of the practical side or basic framework of a working relationship.
Well we both do have the same job and the same status, that wouldn’t do it! Of course he thinks he’s smarter than me, but we all know that’s his narcissism speaking…
Correct, he isn’t smarter because he isn’t well rounded enough to understand he is an emotionally stunted child!
And because he isn’t. The only reason why he fooled me at first was because he lied and I didn’t know what he was. I modify my behavior and adjust accordingly after learning from my mistakes. He doesn’t. He’s not smarter.
Exactly.
I wasn’t innocently seduced—I was extremely reciprocal except maybe once.
Same Claire, I wasn’t very subtle either. I was spellbound from the first moment. Although, I wasn’t “innocently” seduced; to be fair, I had no idea who I was dealing with. Resistance was futile.
Very true—I didn’t know either but the attraction/lure—me me me. I have anxiety around normal men at times. Or I’m just not interested.
Claire, I’m married to a normal. The thrill is not there. But neither is all the other shit that comes along with narcs. Life is peaceful and I have the freedom to do what I want. Home is not a dreaded place to be and I have no anxiety around what to expect from him. He’s the same all the time. Steady. Easy going. I can’t imagine living with a man I feared.
Ava101, if you’re reading this…give the baby swan guy a chance 🙂
MB, I’m married to another Empath, we cry together while watching movies a lot hahaha. Life is not easy with an Empath either, but at least he does not get overwhelmed by my over emotional attitude and he is very good-hearted, and would never gaslight me or triangulate me or any of that shit. Ava101, give swan boy a chance! -unless his plans for the weekend consist of going to the pond to throw some bread crumbs to said swans-.
SP, my husband has few empathic traits. He laughs if I cry at a movie. He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t like babies or puppies either. He’s DEFINITELY not a narcissist, but if HG’s scale was divided into fourths with empaths on the left and narcs on the right. I put him at the 75% mark. It works for us (most of the time).
Feeding the swans would be enjoyable. (If they weren’t so damn mean!) And by the lake is a good place for a romantic picnic and whatever else you might want to do on the blanket.
MB—I recall us talking about your husband being normal. I was previously Kathy in here but you were gone awhile and I changed my name. Now we need to resume on our talks of keeping our kids safe:)
Claire/Kathy, Ohhhh, ok. Yes! My 17 year old son has just starting dating his first serious girlfriend. She is very sweet and considerate. I observed behaviors that are quite sensitive to the needs of another. She may not be an empath, but she is 100% non-narc.
Yes Ohhhhhh ok lol. Hint hint! Goofball. It’s a concern. We have to keep our kids safe. I’m in the thick of it with my daughter—she has an allure to these sorts of people.
SP I’m jealous you’re mArried to an empath (I realize we’re not perfect and all that) but I’ve only ever had relationships with normals or narcs. I’ve found it difficult being with men who just do not understand me at all. MP I’ve had normals lAugn at me crying at TV shows too 🤣 the narc would cry at tv shows but I think that’s just because he knew that was one of my things haha. What an actor 🤣 what a jerk.
I just want someone Who values integrity As much as I do. Where are
They?!!!
Empath007, this relationship with a normal is the only one I’ve ever had. I work with a man that is an empath and it is interesting to see the difference. I have two sons. A normal and an empath. I’m proud of them both, but there is something super special about being male AND empathic. They are out there but few and far between I’m afraid. Hang in there.
Empath007
Haha. You can’t find them out there because they’re all here on the blog busy commenting.
Empath007, I think I’ve never dated a normal. I go from one extreme to the other, either narcs or extremely empathic people (Empaths I suppose I’m not very savvy). My husband is definitely an Empath, I would ask him to take the detector but I’m not really too interested in knowing his school. He understands me better than I understand myself sometimes and that infuriated me in the past, I felt like he could read my mind. Now it brings me comfort to know he gets me. I know he knows something happened between narc and me but he prefers to trust me. On the other hand I understand what you say about the “actor.” Mine was an actor too, albeit a very bad one. When he told me he had a crush on me he feigned to be crying. The context was not appropriate, the tears were too forced, and the whole thing was very overacted so I stared at him like what the fuck is wrong with you?
My narc is the Jim Carrey of narcland. He’s not gonna win an Oscar anytime soon.
I found the baby swans today on my own. So cuuuute and fluffy!
Be careful ava101! The mama swans are not cute or fluffy.
But that’s being innocently seduced … you didn’t know you weren’t supposed to enjoy being with that man …
Claire and MB,
I feel the same way. Most times if I reflect on it, I feel like I seduced him more than the other way around (at least sexually). I was the exact OPPOSITE of subtle haha.
No shame in that Supernova!
Add another vote for familial, I missed it, so I reflected on a past relationship with a narcissist. Charming/good sense of humor would be a good one too for that past relationship.