The Seven Truths About Narcissistic Friendships
- Our friends don’t really like you
The people that we choose to provide our inner and outer circle of friends have all been charmed by us and roped into our sphere of influence for the purpose of providing us with fuel, traits and residual benefits. They in return are granted repeated audiences with ourselves, they are able to gaze on the Sun King and benefit from their association with such a social titan. When you are admitted to my sphere of influence as an intimate partner these friends of mine only like you because they know that this is their role and they must do so in order to remain able to attend my court. Should I give the instruction they will turn their backs on you in an instant. Never believe that you can turn to them in a moment of need. You will head straight into a brick wall. Should you be admitted into my sphere of influence as another member of the inner or outer circle then these friends are your competitors. They are all seeking my favour, either to remain in the inner circle or to achieve promotion to it, such is the allure and attraction of being friends with me. These other friends will smile and welcome you, because that is what is expected of them but they are smiling assassins who will pounce and delight in plunging the dagger of isolation and ostracising into your back should I will that to happen. You are entering a viper’s nest.
- It is a one-way street
You will benefit from your association with me as a friend and you will enjoy my company, who would not when I am charming, magnetic and interesting but you are only allowed to occupy this positon so long as you are giving. You must provide me with the fuel to keep me topped-up through your praise and admiration. I expect you to be an errand boy for me, you will carry out my machinations on my behalf when I require you to manipulate someone by proxy, you will get me things, give me things and do things for me all because you want to stay in the elevated position of my friendship. It is also highly likely that I will possess some information about you or something you want which compels your compliance also. You are the giver and I am the taker. It is one way.
- Our friends do not know what we are
The blazing brightness of our brilliance is such that it obscures what we really are. Any complaints about our behaviour will be met with rejection and a confused response. They have always been treated well by us. We let them join us and we allow them to follow in our wake which has numerous benefits. They have no idea what we actually are for if they did they would no continue to be part of our retinue. They do not want to know any different however because they have been brainwashed into thinking that the status quo is to their advantage and therefore they see no reason to entertain anybody who seeks to usurp us.
- Your friends are all targets
I have no interest in making friends with your friends. They are beneath me but I will regard them as targets. There may well be your replacement amongst them and how satisfying would that be to corrupt one of your supporters to turn against you and sit at my right hand? I will charm and ensure that your friends think well of me as this will not only make my seduction of you as my primary source far easier, it will also provide me with fuel, traits and residual benefits as well. You friends are targets to be my new primary source, members of my coterie and even lieutenants so that I have a fifth columnist in your camp willing to act on my behalf when the inevitable devaluation begins.
- Our friendships are defined by the usefulness
As I have explained the concept of friendship for us all about what we can take from it and therefore so long as someone is providing us what we require, complying with our wishes and carrying out what we want then the friendship will endure. Should one of our friends see through us, turn against us or begin to fail in their assigned role it is of little consequence to us that we may have known them for ten years or more. It is of no concern that we go drinking with them every Friday, if they do not function as a constituent appliance then they will be switched off, excluded and replaced. We make friends easily and we keep them far easier than you might think. Very few leave us. We usually do the jettisoning.
- Our friends must never outshine us
We like our friends to be beautiful and handsome but not better looking than us. We like to have a beautiful crowd around us, it signals to the world that we are special. We want the interesting folk, the talented, the successful and so forth as we are able to steal traits from all of these people to accentuate our own success and popularity so we are better able to seduce more people into our sphere of influence. We want them to achieve, look good, be fascinating so long as none of them outshine us. We benefit from the reflected glory but it must not shine brighter than our star otherwise someone will have to be exited. There is only room for one king on this throne.
- We appear to like our friends but we like their fulfilment of The Prime Aims really
The members of our inner or outer circles often appear to be liked by us. This is purely the outer manifestation of our fuel-filled selves. What we really like is that our friends are satisfying The Prime Aims. The fact we say you are a good badminton partner, really means that you provide us with fuel and the residual benefit of having someone to undertake some sporting exercise with. The fact we declare we enjoy our morning lift-share with you, really means we enjoy the fuel you provide and that you are providing the residual benefit of enabling us to save money. Remain within our control, fulfil one or more of the prime aims and as a friend, a Non Intimate Secondary Source you will appear to be liked.
80 thoughts on “The Seven Truths About Narcissistic Friendships”
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This is so true l remember a particular evening sitting on the couch with my narc as he was discussing a project he was working on with his “friends” (this was towards the end of the relationship) and I thought to myself… “wow, every relationship you have is purely for you own benefit” that always sickened me too, and it was also one of those moments I realized I’m one of the people being used.
Got it, thanks HG! Invaluable as always.
15M+ hits don’t lie
Fucking A they do not!
You really don’t even like anyone?! Excellent article!
“Should I give the instruction they will turn their backs on you in an instant. Never believe that you can turn to them in a moment of need.“-absolutely true. They were friends i think for about 8 years. So i am not surprised why i was ghosted. He knew me just for 1 year. ( “u can always rely on us”-fake promise) Well, my ex friend knew that he was a hard-core player and he thought that i was narc’s cousin. ( i wasn’t his real cousin though). I was thinking of telling to my ex-friend’s girlfriend about both of them but it wouldn’t change anything. Because she is a doormat who allows a man to have a cake and eat it too. And why would she believe me? And they were in a relationship for 9 years. “
I haven’t read enough of your site to ascertain whether today’s outpouring of work is typical for you. What you are feeling is called by psychologists “Flow”. It’s where we are at our highest – when we create. Feels great doesn’t it?
I’m cogitating on some thoughts regarding the dynamics of this domain of human experience inspired by your revelations. I will share once they are mature.
Until then, I would like to offer an observation about surrounding oneself with sychopants when one is as brilliant, educated, articulate and creative as yourself. It leads to cognitive stagnation and the incorrect conclusion that you are alone in a world of weak idiots which reinforces the narcissistic defense mechanisms, perpetuating the enslaving, compulsive, chronic need to keep seeking outwardly for what’s missing. That becomes your world, but isn’t THE WORLD.
I leave you with that as I enthusiastically enter my own flow.
P.S. “Weaponized empaths” isn’t accurate. Empowered or skilled empaths are better fits. Going super nova as you label it feels disgusting, albeit a necessary evil at times to quickly excise “cancer” before it metastasizes. It’s a brutish tool in a tool bag. I prefer a multipurpose dremmel myself 😉.
Your first sentence is honest and also undermines everything else you write.
Dearest HG: Bravo. Your response is like the One Calm Blow that knocks out a twirling, swirling, tornado-like, approaching, bug-eyed, screeching banshee, in a horror movie. Then the viewers giggle and reach for more popcorn.
I am obliged PSE. We have seen them before and we will see them again and it is entertaining to see how similar they are.
Ooohh, I think someone wants to impress you, HG. She is entertaining; I did have a good laugh reading her comment. I am looking forward to reading the results of her cogitations, once they are mature.
Dem is all wanting some of da HG.
True dat
I lol’ed 😉
Dear PrincessSuperEmpath,
🌪👻🌪
I’m laughing so much my tummy hurts ! 🍿
🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles: I sort of like her*. lol. Although she makes what I believe are called backhanded compliments, She is not too proud to admit that HG Tudor is: brilliant, educated, articulate and creative. That is very good for starters. And she is not saying this as one of his sychopants or weak idiots, as she calls his readers, and she would agree, I am sure. She will be amazed that his creativity is not just a current flow, as she wonders, when she reads more of his works, as she plans to and she will see that that his creativity is part of him and has not stagnated from being around us, his readers. In fact, he is an Artist , as well, in many excellent ways, as she will soon see. She does understand his technical terms, even though she is bothered by the necessity of it all. But, she says she will think on his works as her knowledge matures, and she has wrapped her head around it all, so to speak. And she wants what is best for him, in her own way. But, if she is suggesting that he needs to change absolutely everything about himself, she has truly and alarmingly missed the mark. He no more needs to change everything about himself, than we need to change absolutely everything about ourselves. And it takes a highly cognizant person to know this and an even higher cognizant person to assist anyone to know what needs to be changed or not, in the best interest of the person at hand. Especially a highly functioning person. A lot of dibbling and dabbling that is so the rage in the mental practitioner and therapy fields these days, are hurting a lot of people. Because the practitioners are not `self aware` and most importantly and sadly, because their understanding is quick to make judgements and diagnosis without substantive evidence and relevant knowlege, which makes a lot of their work faulty and unsuccessful and even harmful to many of their clients.
Dear PrincessSuperEmpath,
Explained beautifully
Thank you lovely
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Thank you, Bubbles. The one time I spoke to a mental practitioner around 2 and a 1/2 years ago, a therapist, and confided to her that my feelings were disportionately high and odd, in my workplace interactions with the narcissist, and that I was feeling ill, when he was around and even more ill when he was around, and therefore had no peace in my life any longer, her advice to me was to go around him more. So I added more of his locations into my schedule to be around him more. That was the beginning of my demise in the entanglement, and I went into a deep malaise, until I found HG. That therapist set me back majorly. I needed to do the opposite of her advice. She is a very pleasant and intelligent person, and she gave me the most horrible advice.
Bubbles: correction= ill when he was around and even more ill when he was NOT* around, and therefore had no peace in my life anymore..
Dear PrincessSuperEmpath,
I understand what your saying precious and sad you endured the same
My GP suggested I see a psychologist (Mr Bubbles came for the ride) to discuss the weasel being a narc and all I had been subjected to (I was also horrendously bullied in the workplace, by two incredibly evil women as well, they singled me out, I think, because I was liked by everyone …. others were bullied, but I copped the worst)
No empathy whatsoever from the psych, no advice given, basically, see you next week and just give me your money! I ended up far worse when I left her …..I never went back and I too discovered Mr Tudor
Never did I envisage receiving advice from a narc !
I’ve never looked back
So glad you made it here Princess
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Thank you, Bubbles.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Has “Anonymous Pamela” been reincarnated
The only “flo” I know is in Finding Nemo”…Hi Flo! 🎣
🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
No, this is not AnonPam.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Thankyou
Dear Madame Bubbles, you are welcome.
It seems that this is becoming a weekly occurrence HG, it is sort of funny the way they make fools of themselves simply to get your attention. Lol.
It is less than every week FM1T although one understands the perception of it seeming weekly.
Oh someone is on their “flow” alright.
NarcAngel, your humour kills me everyime, I love it.
Dear NarcAngel,
You’ve now given me stitches ….😂 😭
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
NA
Ha ha ha! Thanks for my morning laugh!
Once You Flow You Go.
She reminds me of Mary Louise wRight
KellyD. Yes! All sycophants and weak idiots need to be on survival alert. I am scared!
Fellow bird watchers, this is a not so rare example of the phylum sans-chordata, of the family of Laridae. Often seen skimming and dumping. These bird are opportunistic and highly aggressive when they spot a potential feeding ground. As we have learned, it is wise not to feed the birds as it may attract more of its kind.
FYC, comments like yours are why I love these comment sections.
Thank you Desiree. It was fun to write and credit must be given to the original birdwatcher who first identified the species most effectively: NA. Gotta love her!
FYC, I didn’t know NA was the first to coin this term, she truly is one of a kind!
She certainly is.
For now FYC, but I cannot guarantee or promise you anything.
FM1T. If you venture out, you may want to borrow HG’s Hunters for stepping through that dumping field–seems this bird may have quite a load.
Hahaha FYC. I was thinking that very same thing, although HG can keep his, I have my own in a different color. 😘😘
FM1T, Always an added bonus to be color coordinated and fashionable while avoiding the piles left behind by the swooping birds.
That is so true FYC, so very very true. Besides I really wouldn’t want to wear HG’s hunters! Ewww
Seeing HGs Hunters reminded me that that brand exists, that I don’t have any good raining boots in my closet and now an oxblood red pair of theirs is on it’s way to me. As far as I’m concerned, HG should consider an additional stream of income as an influencer. He could have made a nice comission off of this.
I’ve never heard this type of boots called “hunters” Must be an overseas thing. Either that, or I live under a rock. (which is highly possible) I just call them rubber boots.
They are quite poplar all over the world in very rainy climates. I nabbed this off their website:
Founded in 1856, Hunter is a progressive British heritage brand renowned for its iconic Original boot and holds two Royal Warrants of Appointment to HM The Queen and HRH The Duke of Edinburgh.
And to TPOD HG of Tudor.
The Prince Of Darkness?
Got it in one,NA.
HG
Oh good. My first thought was The Prickly Old Dodger.
Its the moat for me this time isn’t it? You know I can’t swim!
Wing clipping and a plunge in the Moat of Stench (just been filled by our recent seagulls) – off you go!
HG & NA, Love you guys. Thanks for the laughs!
NA, you can’t swim? I’ll teach you swimming if you’ll teach me bad-assing. Deal?
Duelly noted. Shall I notify their webmaster as well?
Indeed.
Desiree, HG certainly is a born influencer! And yes, he could generate revenue by being a paid influencer, especially when his identity is known.
MB, haha yeah they are essentially rubber boots…but fancy ones! I always see them in England but not at all in Germany. Although it might be due to the fact that we don’t have much rain where I live. Usually, I just wear Timberland Boots and hope for the best. Might be a british thing, then?
FYC well, he got me to get the boots and now I’m contemplating if I judged Tesla too soon and should take one to a testdrive on the Autobahn. The potential comissions I am smelling here would make for a substantial down payment on that new Roadster they got coming out.
I say go for it Desiree! I’ve been on the Autobahn and enjoyed it for both speed and the sensibility of the drivers. Tesla rates 0-100 km/h in 2.6 seconds, just a tenth of a second behind your formerly beloved Porsche. It’s not built for long distances without a charge though, just in case a long road trip is in your future (sad because it has massive trunk space).
Desiree, re: The Autobahn. I can feel my jealousy rising!
Lol. I love this place.
FYC I guess you did not know that one of my favorite pastimes is bird watching. 🐦 👀, 🤣🤣🙃
FYC
Haha. You so fancy you flatter. I’m going with the common and easily identified Shithawk.
It is a well established fact that I am a big fan of your humor and direct style. Google is my friend and I do hope you got the little buried treasure in the sans bastardization. Is the Shithawk related to to the screech owl?
FYC: Thanks for the info. on the Hunter Boots. I like knowing what is HG Approved. Makes life so much easier to have standards. There is so much product out there, that one does need influencers, reputable ones that is. Many influencers sell out very quickly these days pressured by the economy. Many are being called out and bad products are being thrown at them, so to speak, that they have recommended.
PSE, You do not need an influencer. You are quite capable of determining wonderful quality or beauty or anything that you enjoy. HG does have excellent taste, and I hope he enjoys his choices for his own delight. It is more about your experience and expression than anything else.
10 likes for this comment
Thank you, Lou, 10x.
10 more from me.
Thank you 10x, NA.
Dear FYC,
Birds n the bees …. classic
🤣
This frivolity is hilarious
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Thank you dear Bubbles.😘
FYC
I loved your narration btw. It reminded me of a hilarious previous offering from WiserNow in the tone of Jim from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.
Lol NA, I am going to have to search for that one! Thank you.
NA, thank you for the reminder! HG hinted that he may do a Wild Kingdom style voice over about the seduction tactics of the mid ranger. Do you have an update on how that project is coming along, HG?
Hush, I am waiting quietly by this charity event for some empaths to come wandering by……
The ol’ wildebeests at the watering hole trick, eh?
Be careful saying the word “hush”. On second thought, nah, thanks for the reminder HG. Where are my headphones?
Beatrize. I prefer weaponized. Because it is truthful. There is a war going on. And it is not touchy-feely and huggy and cuddly and politically correct. Words have Power. One can soften the notion of this battle with safe sounding and political correct wording, at one’s own risk. I will not. . It is a battlefield. HG Tudor has accurately identified the battle in my own circumstances, and now I am winning. It is a painful war, but the weapons he has given me and has counseled and instructed me on how to use, are making me surprisingly victorious over 5 strong people, simultaneously. it is unbelievable. I am a kind person by nature, and that can make me a prey. So, yes. I needed weapons, because they are using weapons. And they are way more advanced in this war, that I knew little about.
Seizing the power.
This is one of the most disturbing things to me really.