What Your Smile Means To The Narcissist
I just love that special smile of yours. I know that the first time I saw you displaying it that I wanted it for myself. I wanted to be the recipient of that smile and I wanted it so badly, oh so very badly that I went for you with ferocious determination. I watched as it slowly formed, your delectable lips twisting upwards and then parted to allow your teeth to be seen. Many animals bare their teeth as a warning to others to stay back, but not you. As you revealed your teeth and your smile widened into a grin I watched transfixed. I could see the effect it had on those near you. I could see how they felt happier for seeing your smile. I detected it in their faces, in their reactions and if I had been close enough I have little doubt that I would have been able to hear their pleasure and joy as you allowed them to bask in the warmth of your smile. It was inclusive. You showed it to everyone sat around that table and nobody was missed out. You did not break into laughter. That would almost have been vulgar and spoilt scintillating effect of the way you conveyed such emotion to others near you. I continued to watch from my position across the bar as the words of whoever it was I was with that night, I cannot recall now, became nothing but white noise. I only allowed myself to hear her expressions of irritation at how I was distracted by you.
I made my excuses, feigning illness and dispatched whoever it was I was with, I cannot recall now, in a taxi with an already broken promise to call whoever it was, I cannot recall now and once that person who I cannot now recall had gone I returned to the restaurant. I positioned myself next to your table, sat at the bar and allowed myself to eavesdrop on the conversation that you were engaged in as I allowed myself a closer examination of your smile. It appeared frequently and never diminished in its brilliance. It was engaging, captivating and I had to have it. With customary ease I allowed myself to join your table once the dining had been concluded on the pretext of making a point arising from something you had said. I had already established from the body language around the table that none of the attending men were accompanying you and the behaviour of the other women indicated they were no more than friends. No ring rested on your wedding finger and you responded to my polite intrusion with a brief flash of that smile. I knew the drawbridge was down and the portcullis was up.
Accordingly, I made your smile mine and how I revelled in those perfect lips as they moved into that glorious smile. I had known fuller lips but yours were certainly not what I would call thin. Your left cheek dimpled when you smiled broadly and thereafter I knew that your smile was only truly for me. Yes, you smiled for others and I was proud of you for doing so, allowing them to experience it but only at a fraction of what was reserved for me. I was the sole recipient of the full magnitude of that smile and its amazing effect. You conveyed so much to me with your smile. The times you smiled at me in supportive admiration as I held forth at dinner parties, your appreciative smile when I did something for you, the sensual smile when you knew that our sexual congress was looming, the amazed smile when I stunned you with yet another example of my brilliance, your satisfied smile when you lookedat me across the living room from where you were reading a book, safe and content in our world where your smile was mine and nobody else’s. I relished seeing your sleepy smile when I turned to you in the morning and gently kissed you on the nose. I delighted when you contacted me using your video capability on your ‘phone and you deliberately showed only your smiling mouth. Countless times I would record you doing so and play the footage back when I sat alone and relished the sensation which washed over me as I watched.
What made your smile so special was the fact that you gave it willingly to me. You told me that nobody had made you smile as much as I had. I took no issue with that for I knew it was something that I was entirely capable of. Your sweet, illuminating smile belonged to me, was engaged for me and existed just for me. I worked so hard to ensure that your mouth gave me that smile again and again and again. It sustained me and invigorated me, turning a moment of weakness into one of edifying strength in but a moment. I can truly say that nobody else has had a smile which has such an effect on me as yours. I saw what it did for other people and I knew that they were only experiencing a small percentage of what I felt because the true power and radiance of that smile was kept just for me because you understood me, you knew how I needed it and you were content and delighted to provide it to me. It was a beautiful smile, a beguiling smile, an admiring smile, a playful smile, an engaging smile, an enticing smile, an uplifting smile and so much more but above all else it was your special smile. Special for me.
Most of all though I cherished your smile because better than anyone else you knew how to hide everything behind that smile. I knew this is what you did and I knew he began teaching you to do so all that time ago. I made sure that you continued to use your smile in this way. I completed your learning. Now it cloaked everything that the world did not need to know about. I made your smile extra-special didn’t I?
16 thoughts on “What Your Smile Means To The Narcissist”
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Dear Mr Tudor,
A dear friend of ours nicknamed me “smiley face” over 40 years ago
Even if I’m not smiling, I’ve been told I have “smiling” eyes
I smile and treat EVERYONE the same (including the weasel)…. it’s amusing to think he made it “personally” about himself ….what a self deluded nit wit
I’m seriously doomed for all eternity …haha
Thank you for another great interesting “awareness” article
😶
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Caroline to ex-N John (cardiologist, who she’d worked with for some months before he asked her out):
“What was it that you liked about me when we first met?”
Ex-N “you were always smiling”.
(Thinks “that’s all?”)
The thing is, all the Narcissists I’ve been in contact with have all had their own amazing smiles, complete with dimples, which they used extensively to charm and manipulate.
He told me he had to find out who this woman was who always smiled.
I wish I hadn’t smiled.
Wow
My smile was near permanently worn for the longest of times.
It’s reflection filled me, made me feel SO intensely known and connected. That was the juice of it all… For me.
Then came the wilderness years post discard…
Without that reflection, the initial absence of the mirror, the mask, occured like death… Of them… Of us.
It took the longest time… even after stumbling upon the knowledge of the lie.
It also took in my case, a few very special humans who held all my pieces together while I healed them. Without that, I don’t know where I’d now be.
But now… healed… I see and be that I am already complete and enough. There is nothing missing, there is no role to compulsively provide.
I can and do connect with others.. More if anything, but with no attachment or necessity to provide an end.
As for my smile…
I know I am wearing it now, I can feel it.
There is no one here but me.
My world is beautiful.
Mine spoke of my smile all the time. This is incredibly accurate. He would speak of it much like you do in here. What’s so amazing is all of the facts are here on this sight… right down to the smallest of details… like a picture or a smile and why he reacted the way he did.
You needed that smile. You had a need sated by an almost effortless gesture, and that gush of happiness which could whitewash a room with pure joy was directed entirely to you. It was the spotlight which warmed your face. In that smile, you saw pure affirmation of approval and love, appreciation, and it was unconditional. It was probably freely given, like a parent’s love upon their child. And you were sated. Fulfilled for a time. How does that change?
Another question nags: if narcissists feel no guilt, why do they need to lie? They don’t care what other ppl think, so why bother lying?
Because the vast majority of narcissists don’t know they are lying.
HG,
I believe my daughter’s father is an Upper Lesser. His whole reality is wack, and he is very deep in black and white thinking. Example, one minute he will testify in court that I am broke and unable to support myself, then next he will claim I make $300/hr. So in situations like this, I believe he doesn’t realize he is lying, and I always have to try to strategize what reality will suit his narrative at the moment. However, there is also the “duping smile” that narcissist do. They straight up know they are lying, and enjoy it so much, that you can see the look on their face as they try to hold back the smile they make when they feel they duped someone. My daughter’s father is very sociopathic, I think it’s when you get further down the spectrum this is more common. Thoughts?
No, that is the reaction to being fuelled. People are fooled into thinking it is a smirk of recognition (because you are looking at it from your worldview).
Come to think of it, HG. You are correct on that. I live in a one person consent state here in US. I follow your advice, and wont take phone calls from either of my children’s fathers. One is a midranger, and the other is an upper lesser. I have a program on my phone that starts recording their calls if I do have to answer a call from them.
If I ever have someone listen to a call, they always comment on what was said. I can’t help but notice the inappropriate laughter that subtle in the calls.
The Midranger will laugh over making a call to me. He will claim it is an important arrangement that needs discussed over the phone, and he doesnt have time to write over email. I have learned from your work, that’s a trap because he wants more potent fuel from a phone call. While we are discussing arrangements, he will do something stupid, like drop the ball that he took money from me or something, to hear my reaction, then he will laugh.
The Lesser, will laugh at more evil stuff. Our daughter’s nanny just died 7 min after leaving his house last weekend. She babysat our daughter, left the driveway, and crash and died. It was very bizarre, and I am looking into it more. He called me to let me know what happened, he sounded concerned at first. I knew this was facade, and didnt say anything. He then said he will probably be investigated for murder and started laughing.
Narcissist have the most evil laughs. It sounds like a school kid laughing at a child getting bullied.
Correct.
How is that possible? I don’t get that part. Is it just part of the defense mechanism?
How is what possible TH, I do not see previous comments in my moderation pane.
Mindblown. Really? “I am not having an affair” (they are having several concurrently); “I delete every photo you send” (no he hides them in a locker app); “I am a single father” (no he’s been married to wife #2 for years)… They don’t know that this is lying?
They don’t feel remorse, or care who gets hurt, so why not say “You are not meeting my needs, I need backup”; or “I am married to someone who does not meet my needs, and I want backup.” or “You delete every photo I send you, or at least hide them in a locker app.” Why exert effort into concocting a lie, and spend energy trying to cover it?
It was always a special smile. We know that. The fact that you got it is in recognition of YOUR specialness.
You think we give this to you out of weakness and insecurity. We see those parts of you because we know everyone has them, especially ourselves.
We smile at the other parts – the unique combination of talents, skills, and history. We see the beauty IN the cracks much like the Japanese honor the cracks in pottery by painting them gold. We inherently know the false persona is a facade because it lacks behavioral and affective constancy.
We both study patterns. The difference lies in what we do with the knowledge gained 😉.
I must turn my attention to worldly matters, but will be back with my thoughts on labels and archetypes. Have an inspired day.
Big ass smile in my soul! Thank you.