A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 75

 

KDB LETTER

So, I noticed that you posted an article on writing a letter to your narcissist. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to get out my angry monologue on my ex-narc since stabbing is illegal. I originally started writing one to him but I decided to write one to you instead as you’ve recently been quite an influence on my personal life and recovery for these past four to six months. Seems more relevant.

You see, the letter kind of evolved into talking to you about Trumps miraculous hair. So, I figured, fuck it, this would work just fine and you’ll see why. Bear with me.

I started interacting on your blog many months ago and even had a small consultation with you. I’m not sure if you remember but you answered a lot of questions for me as I had quite an extensive past with narcissists and narcissistic abuse. (I seem attracted heavily to them and the fighting/mind games is some of the overly addictive qualities about it to me.) You were quite patient and I sat to attention.

Anyway, the truth is, when I found your blogs and videos I dove in head first. Not only has reading your posts kept me lucid, but they had more than one effect on me.

During my diligent, albeit painful reading, (my eyes almost bled) my life changed and I even fell into obsession with you. But through this experience I came to an understanding of what plagued me my entire life. (Therapy coming soon I’m sure. Do I get to hit a couch and scream at my mom and beg for daddy to come home?)

There was a point I even sent you an email under a different alias that was very personal and was produced wholeheartedly in obsession with you. I’m admitting to you that I took a trip down the rabbit hole and let it happen, fully, and I needed it more than you realize. (Honesty, what I need more of in my life please.)

My first love was a narcissist. To top it off I grew up in a very abusive household with a narcissistic mother and golden child brother. Religious abuse abounded. That shit stays with you. The Devil’s Toolkit answered a lot of questions that haunted me for decades about his behaviour and my familial upbringing. I already knew they were fucking bastards I cared about that ruined my life, but you showed me the whole picture.

I won’t go too far into a history lesson here, this is after all a letter to you and should be short like you asked.

My original basis for love was built around this kind of dynamic. It’s tempting, addictive, and I’ve attracted narcs to my life more than once, and even have some traits myself. To me, you are far too tempting. (You have laser eyes of seduction I’d wager.) But reading your words was and has been the fire I needed lit under my ass to realize the illusion I’d placed on myself about love. The truth stings but I needed it so much. After a lifetime of denial, wandering, destructive behaviours and a marriage that’s falling off a cliff very very slowly: I learned a lot about my own repeating cycles and also my strengths. Time has proven that I’m a survivor and a fighter. I don’t give up easily, but I suppose there are times for that as well. This was an arena I needed to step in to see my own lies and the way I closed my heart off to feeling anything. There is only so much denial, spanking and wandering around the world can do for the heart.

HG, your words piss me off but also enlighten me. They make me laugh and make me seethe. Yet it turned my heart back on and taught me how to feel again. By turning that obsession around from my ex-narc into the truth from you, I was able to confront him after all this time instead of playing games with him two decades later. He fucked off, go figures. Was probably barking up the wrong tree for honesty, am I right? You restored my shattered lifeline and gave me the chance to recover what I’d lost decades ago; me.

I’m under no illusion as to what I need to do to keep finding myself and you were the catalyst I needed to burn everything I believed about myself into flames. In the past six months I’ve learned to cry again, laugh, dance, get angry, be happy, be open, and recover the strength and boundaries taken from my heart. (Instead of wandering around in a labyrinth of mind fuck, even if I love it sometimes.) Seeing your capability to admit and share has encouraged and inspired me to do what I need to do for myself for once. It ripped apart everything inside of me, especially after speaking directly and feeling the shadow around your own heart. My god the pain. There is more to it but I think you get what I’m saying and now I’m over word count. Maybe talking about Trump would’ve been shorter?

You are a sick son of a bitch and I fucking care about what happens to you, you bastard. To me you’ll always be the narc that cured my silent heart. Take that how you want. I wonder if I should have told him I love you but fuck off?

Later and keep writing.
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202 Comments

  1. It is easy to tell SM is tall I commented on her feet on instagram
    Nothing wrong with her feet by the way but I could tell she is bigger in the foot size hence tall
    I’ve spent years studying feet due to ballet it almost foot fetish for arches and banana feet as we call them .there are 2 hour workouts for feet alone that must be adhered to to develop this look
    Not that my feet are nice their fucked up big time from dance hate wearing sandals nowadays

    Kiki

  2. Yes, I’m nearly always learning something new. Oh, I see so they argue with you because their experiences in their view do not align with the literature that you’re putting forth. Perhaps they find it threatening that your writings challenge their inherent uniqueness and self-proclaimed superiority. If they all act as you say, I suppose that is a big loss to their control if you are providing detailed outlines of their patterns of behavior.

    1. No, they argue with me because when I point out that they are wrong I am wounding them (in some instances Challenge Fuel but I try to avoid that) and therefore this makes them feel as if they do not have control. They instinctively then have to argue with me (or slope off as that is another way of asserting control). Unfortunately for them, their do not have the intellect, self-control or awareness to do so and therefore their attempts to exert control fail, show them for what they are and make them look inept for instance :-
      1. Resorting to an ad hominem attack because they have nothing upstairs to even try to generate a coherent response;
      2. Talking in broad and amorphous terms because they cannot point to any evidence to support what they are stating as it does not exist, or if they do try to raise some evidence it is invalid or nonsensical;
      3. Deflecting by failing to address points advanced to them and responding on a different basis altogether.
      It has been seen numerous times and serves as a series of useful case studies to enable readers to advance their learning and understanding.

      1. HG
        They all seem to be mid range as well, it sort of reminds me of middle child syndrome. I understand why Greaters would not come on here, but why do we not see lower narcissists?

        1. Greaters have no need to be here and anybody coming here and claiming they are a Greater, is a Mid Range Narcissist.
          Most who come here are Mid Range – why? They think they are empathic people who are victims of narcissists. They also have a higher cognitive function compared to Lessers and therefore are more likely to access this intelligent written material.
          Occasionally Lesser have appeared here. They are less likely to appear because they do not see themselves as empathic not as a victim of a narcissist and therefore narcissism as a subject is far less likely to appear on their radar.

          1. I think that was the point I was missing about Mid Range, they honestly do think they are victims and especially for myself being a care giver I get sucked in every time. Thanks HG.

          2. I’m thinking a few “empathic people” could be actual narcissists because they truly believe they are good people and conversations align as such on the blog. I’m curious—I’m telling you, a few women I work with could come on here and be so insightful, have a great empath result because you go by what they say.. I’m just curious. The passive aggressive shit I’m aware of.. Yet it’s not blatant here or elsewhere for often long time periods..

      2. Thanks for clarifying, HG. Wow, here I am hoping that I’m wrong much of the time because if I’m right, it’s not just me that’s in trouble.How do you think they are finding you? Are they targeting experts on narcissism solely, or do think that they know you IRL? Again, lol sorry curious like a cat over here.

          1. HG have you written anything to help us identify the differences between MRNs and actual victims of narcissists?

            A lot of us probably run a pretty significant risk of getting caught up by this. It’s how I ended up a white knight DEMB

  3. Great letter.

    I am kind of in between understanding the infatuation thing. I’d be interested in a full article on how/why you believe readers become infatuated with you HG.

    1. Some are narcissists and they are seeking to control me.
      Some are victims whose emotional thinking is trigger sensitive and they plunge into infatuation owing to their inherent addiction.

      1. I’ll send you a dirty picture of my toe that lost its toenail under a grocery cart wheel! It’s really hot!

          1. It is the big toe! It hurt really bad and it’s still not right. I was going to have a colleague remove the remaining piece just a little while ago but I chickened out.

          2. Get a grip. Sort yourself out. Get some backbone. Get some balls. Shape up.

          3. You know PSE, put your big girl panties on! I don’t blame you at all Lorelei. Loose teeth and loose toenails give me the skeeves too!

          4. The biggest toe is not necessarily the best of the toes. Also, rather than ‘grip up’, I prefer PUSSY UP because balls are and always have been lacking in strength and integrity.

          5. Feel free to say’pussy up’. Nobody will understand what you are referring to. If you were looking for a direct substitution you ought to have written ‘Grow some pussies’ but again that won’t work. You see the problem you have is the recognised phrase is ‘don’t be a pussy.’ Oh dear.

          6. lolol I guess. I can’t compete with ignorance.
            Pussies are freakishly strong, whichever way you would like to refer to it. It’s a failure in logic and understanding of human anatomy to tell someone to not to be a pussy and liken that to cowardice.

          7. Absolutely. Anything that has the strength to push out a live human like a champagne cork is definitely not weak!

            I think what the saying “don’t be a pussy” means is “don’t be girl”. But “don’t be a dick” has a totally different meaning. It doesn’t correlate. I’m not sure why I’m using my attention units on this!

          8. I can’t even look at a vagina without being fairly grossed out because I look at so many yucky ones.

          9. Dearest HG: I have heard: Grow a pair of Ovaries. Does that work?

          10. Ha ha, indeed it does, although doesn’t that result in a bloody mess on a regular basis?

          11. Only if one has a uterus as well as ovaries. Not bragging or anything ladies, but bloody free is a great place to be! (After you’re done with pushing out live humans of course.)

          12. Not if you have an IUD. Although, it’s a worthless asset at the current time!

          13. Dearest HG: I am absolutely stunned…..a moment of silence please…. I know for a fact, that I have NEVER received a HG Tudor: Haha. I will quietly take a little break right now and enjoy this awesome occurrence, quietly, and without any further distractions and diversions. This one’s for me. Cheers! wow.

          14. I can’t reply below—Wordpress drives me nuts. My balls are in order. Podiatry is going to have to remove it and I’ll have to whine inwardly because I can dish it out and then can’t take it when I’m the patient. I also have patellofemoral pain and I can’t hike (up hills) until it’s rehabilitated so I’m ready to cry. I also shrunk an inch for sure. Fuck.

          15. I’m sick of reading how you ruin everyone’s birthday! Just read another birthday story you posted. I hope you are behaving these days and I’m an Oompa Loompa yes. My BMI just shot through the roof because I’ve shrunk. That is the only reason I’m upset about it and then I see “Oompa Loompa” and I was already feeling this way.

          16. I look sick at the right BMI weight to be honest. But it still upsets me.

          17. Lorelei
            Podiatry is going to remove your balls? And who complains about not being able to hike UP hills? I see nothing that Hagen Dazs and Nutella can’t fix. Pull yourself together woman!

          18. I’m literally in tears NA. I hike all the time. I was supposed to go on a 4 mile night hike tonight (a metro park thing) and it’s very hilly and I can’t do it. It’s been getting worse. My toe is ugly and screws up summer feet. Now it needs removed. (Just the nail—totally ugly) They told me (swore to me) I’m 5’8” not 5’9”—this is the onset old old age. I’m shrinking. I need PT. I am fit to be tied but my whining shall cease now except I have sun damage on my forehead I never had until this year. My boobs look like a National Geographic photo op and my feet look fat in sandals.

          19. Since you’re 5’ 8” you’re above average height. Don’t wear sandals – nothing good comes of sandals.

          20. Must be a narc thing! I’ve heard it before. “Those aren’t the style I like.”

          21. You wear heels HG. Screw that unless it’s a special event. I used to sleep with a guy who had a heel fetish and he was such a narcissist and wanted heels on during sex. I was like whatever floats your boat—it wasn’t the worst thing to do but if someone asked for that now I’d do it without a bra just to punish them. Stupid fucks.

          22. I don’t know what your view looks like of our stuff/gravatar. It is indeed now your punishment though. I have to walk around this way and be publicly ridiculed and now I’m short which raises my BMI so be traumatized. Soon I won’t even have a stub left to polish.

          23. Lorelei, I thought wearing heels during sex was just a fantasy type thing. In reality, it seems it would be a bit awkward. I can see wearing them standing up or bent over. But actually IN bed? Is that a thing? Educate me.

          24. Oh my.. This is slightly embarrassing but it’s an over 20 year old story so the statute of limitations on my behavior has expired. I was 22. My roommate worked as a bartender in the strip club scene. Joe was a bouncer, huge good looking Purdue drop out. He had a great sense of humor and was a brief boyfriend. I loved being treated like a princess—who doesn’t? I even danced one night for him because I was young and did things I’d beat my daughters for doing. (I also had sex on the pool table after closing one night lol) He bought me a pair of black heels. He told me why he bought them. It wasn’t honestly a big deal—he did like light bondage though but nothing ridiculous. He always left the bondage shit on his bed though and his roommate (Mark) was like wtf! Mark and I are still friends! Embarrassing. I let him tie me up a few times—whatever. The heels weren’t clumsy at all. He wasn’t really that vigorous in bed so they weren’t getting knocked off. He was more dynamic in his mind. He cheated on me with Rachel—a bona fide stripper. I didn’t really care—she was drop dead gorgeous and could dance to Frank Sinatra like a coy classy whore. I’d have slept with her. The true end was when I was doing lines of cocaine with a stripper’s boyfriend. He hated drugs. He wanted a whore (drug free) in bed. Whatever. I loved cocaine and was introduced to it by a narcissist boyfriend I had on the side (mutual dirty secrets) and it was just a stage where I was doing stupid stuff. Sex games with cocaine was crazy hot though. Ultimately, the moral of the story—heels don’t fall off when you are tied down! Would I do this stuff now? NO.

          25. This sounds like film noir! And for some strange reason, I think of that Rachel and imagine Jessica Rabbit.

          26. Yes! Rachel was a narcissist. She was simply drop dead beautiful. Saw her some years after that—she wouldn’t acknowledge me. My quest next is to message Mark’s wife (he’s not on Facebook) and find out Rachel’s last known last name. I’ll have a photo by tomorrow if I’m lucky. She became a nurse eventually and worked in a different health system thank goodness.

          27. Lorelei, “slightly embarrassing”. Good Lord woman! No judgement. Sounds like you had tons of fun. Maybe this is some of the stuff I missed by being betrothed at 16. I have had sex on a pool table multiple times though. So there is that. I’ve never gone anywhere near drugs. I’m afraid I would like them and get hooked. AW had a thing for shiny black heels. I bought a pair and he received many pics to his delight. (I’m a well functioning, compliant appliance.) I was never with him IRL. Hopefully, it’s not necessary information now since I’m NC and likely to die never having the experience of being with another man. But naive as I am, I wouldn’t want to make a fool of myself if it ever did happen. Thank you for the info. You are much more worldly than I!

          28. It was all dumb MB. I was looking to fill a void of my own. Fun? Not really and he sucked at sex anyway! Never tried drugs other than this short time frame thankfully. (Tried Ecstasy once with the cocaine sex narc but it’s just basically a stimulant as well.)
            Stupid dangerous behavior. I have wine glasses Joe’s mother gave me. She was a class act—he was the douche bag of the family. I was a pretty messed up young woman at that age. Many reasons for this of course. Well I’m still a mess but I have insights and maturity now!

          29. Thank you for sharing Lorelei. Makes me feel a little better about missing out. The grass really isn’t always greener. Why is it the human condition to want the opposite of what we have? I just want to be content with no want. I do feel myself moving in that direction the older I get. I’m hoping it will continue to improve with age.

          30. Yeah the grass wasn’t green, it was fun at times but it was dumb really.

          31. I’ve never done anything apart from smoking weed and hash, and involuntarily eating a bunch of “spiced” cookies at a party. I didn’t know! They were looking at me like “Eat me! Eat me!” And I went all Alice in Wonderland and ate a bunch, they tasted like butter and something weird but they were tasty. My husband (then boyfriend) got alarmed when he knew how many I had eaten. That night at home was the most surreal experience I ever had. Time stopped and things were happening in slow motion, like cinema shots. And my synesthesia got super enhanced, they were showing a concert by Enya on TV and I saw the whole rainbow moving around in the living room. But I didn’t feel good, I felt quite sick actually.

          32. Ugh—I wouldn’t touch any of it now! I like Enya—haven’t thought of her in years.

          33. I’ve always liked her but every time I hear Orinoco Flow now I see my living room in rainbow colors, like a Pride parade.

          34. How funny. I hate pot and I only did the other stuff like less than 10 times. It was a very brief period of nonsense. How ridiculous!

          35. “Heels MB, always heels.”

            I thought this wasn’t a fashion blog.

          36. Ah, I see.

            But I understand that the SM wore flats? (I ‘heard’ but haven’t seen for myself on IG) Does that mean that control doesn’t apply in the new dynamic?

          37. Lorelei, The Shieldmaiden wears them too. Did you see them on IG? She doesn’t need the wedges of course because she is tall. But sandals nonetheless and I’ll bet he loves them! Hell, he’s probably even bought some for her.

          38. MB—I’ve trotted around with my toe throbbing all evening! This happened awhile ago—it’s just that it’s painful now. I am a crippled shrinking shriveled up saggy boobed tired mess. 💕

          39. Lorelei, that looks at yucky vaginas all day!

            I’m sorry your toe hurts. We’ve gotten quite a bit of comedic mileage out of it, but anybody that’s had any type of foot pain knows it’s no laughing matter.

            Hang in there, wear your sandals, see the podiatrist and invest in a good bra. All will be well in the world of Lorelei again soon. You’ll be hiking up those hills before you know it!

          40. MB—you know.. I’m on a roll. No disrespect to my colleagues but this is why my primary care doctor is a MD. The NP friend/co-worker really should never have offered to remove the nail. It’s a clear cut podiatry issue. The knee? We wrote is off as arthritis a few weeks ago. My friend (the MD) knew enough to know he had to look this up—he has a more extensive knowledge base and did some research so I then saw my actual doctor. Nurses can overstep not knowing what they don’t know if not careful or being overly confident when they are in the role of a prescriber. MD’s have the epitome of education so generally are more reliable. I’m great for general knowledge and know what I don’t know—and can function more effectively in crisis (better than a primary care doctor because of the hands on practice) but overall—see the doctor ok!

          41. I just stated the obvious / I didn’t mention wedges / when if not in the summer would one wear sandals? Ok no more sandal conversation.

          42. Pretty sure I saw the Shieldmaiden wear Sandals in that picture you posted?

          43. Lorelei, I’m sure you look bloody gorgeous.

            But here’s a strategy I use since learning about Ns, particularly the somatics of the world. Most of them think they’re totally hot when they’re not in the slightest but we find them attractive in how they conduct themselves and therefore perceive them to be more attractive than they really are.

            So if I’m not liking how I look one day, I just think to myself, how would an N be perceiving themselves right now if they were me. Yup, they’d beleive they were hot. And so I conduct myself as if I am and everyone believes it. Then I do too Hahahah

            It’s like having the power of an N, without being an N!

            Give it a whirl

          44. Nice and thought provoking Alexis. He was way hot though! Like super do-able.

          45. MB, she seems to like bright nail polish on her fingernails and it looked like they might be gel, so she would probably go for something complementary on her toes, though not necessarily the same colour.
            As for shoes, not a fan of wedges personally, but if Kate Middleton wears them all the time, I am not above that. You can wear flats anytime you like. My last boyfriend was 6’3 and I am 5’4. He liked both heels or flats so I don’t think it has to do with height. When we went hiking I would just offer to climb on a tree for him so he wouldn’t have to crane his neck. Maybe I could have just jumped from one tree to another while I was up there, would have been much more fun than just walking on the track.

          46. That’s good advice, Alexis. I’m hating this sandal conversation. I’m going to go wear whatever I want and pretend I’m a narc. I.e. be ridiculous.

      2. HG, Narcissists are seeking to control you? What are they trying to get you to do? I’m guessing it’s not fun control like making you compulsively bake a homemade pizza pie every evening for dinner, or sing a little ditty every morning out of your bedroom window. All joking aside, I didn’t realize that narcissists attempt to deal with other narcissists or control them or whatever unless they had to.

          1. I read that already. I get the control freakery, but I didn’t know it was extended to people that are like you. I learned something new today. Yay?

          2. Yes because a narcissist comes within the environment of another narcissist and thus must also be subjected to control. You see some of this on the blog when one wanders in here. They keep trying to argue with me when proven repeatedly incorrect because they are driven to try to control the situation involving me and other readers and cannot help themselves. Of course they are blinded to this by the narcissism. I am pleased you learned something new.

      3. “Some are victims whose emotional thinking is trigger sensitive…”

        Not gonna lie… it’s why I stopped reading for a while. 🤷‍♀️

  4. This letter is brave and I see strength.
    Emotional Thinking is soooo powerful. Overwhelming. It’s like wearing a suicide vest (i would imagine), it’s strapped to you, part of you, you know it is crazy, but you know no other way, it’s uncomfortable and yet it’s your protection.

    I can’t explain it, but like the suicide vest.. when the time comes, you ignore the red flags and pull the trigger to self destruction and blowing yourself up!! Death caused by yourself and before you know it you’ve splatted all over the narc!! I relate!

    HG diffuses the bomb, delicately and with expert precision.
    Your gratitude is welcomed by him I’m sure.

  5. It’s very easy to fall in infatuation with HG well he does have a very sexy voice and a very interesting intelligent mind I think we saw his lower legs also but that’s all
    To fall in love no because we don’t know him in real terms in reality ahem on second though maybe we know him more than his real life friends
    I do love reading his comments though some days you are chatty and in good form HG others you are a bit grumpy 😊
    As long as no one gets weirdly obsessed with him it’s all good

    1. Kiki—the ability for the writer to admit a weird obsession was interesting and brave wasn’t it? HG—did you envision some of this sort of thing ahead of time when planning the blog?

        1. I’m glad—it’s just so honest for someone to express it that I think I’ll refrain from saying “weird” in the future because it’s not “weird” but someone’s truth and a known phenomenon. It’s the concept of transference really. (In a way)
          Maybe looking at everyone’s value on here and not further devaluation is a good trajectory overall. Even the occasional narcissist.

          1. Hi Lotelei I didn’t mean to say weird in derogatory way
            It is just an expression used in the wrong context I Just meant to stay that becoming extremely obsessed with anyone is not good
            Yes this letter was very poignant and brave

            Kiki

          2. Kiki—I didn’t notice! I know I used the term initially though.. Just trying to be more open minded.

    2. I noticed some of the slightly more educated Envious are accusing other commenters of “feeding their narcissistic addiction” by engaging with HG. In my mind, this further proved their lack of knowledge. An alcoholic cannot feed his addiction by talking to a bottle of wine. In order to feed our addiction, we need to be engaged in either the seduction or devaluation/disengagement phase of a relationship with a narcissist, neither of which happens here. Also, by that line of reasoning, an audio consultation would cause our emotional thinking to go through the roof, making it pointless to engage in. But the opposite is the case. Whenever I’ve hung up after a conversation with HG, I felt more calm and steadfast than ever, like he had just lend me a piece of his sanity. My emotional thinking is crying in the corner after that.

      1. Correct. Talking to me or reading my work does not increase your ET. Talking to me ABOUT your narcissist will increase your ET slightly BUT you also get a massive dose of logic too which outweighs that.

        1. My ET is usually high before and then at times during, but never after. Afterwards there is always thought of everything you have said and trying to implement it into my unique situation. Oh and of course gratitude to you kind Sir. 🙃

          1. Wow! Things are looking up, I went from being sent to the dungeon to an HG approval! Are you sure you replied to the right person with this approval HG? 🙃

          2. 😀 foolme1time we need a lifeline like on ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’

          3. Survivor we have two life lines, HG and the other commentators on the blog! Now if only I could remember that. 🤦🏼‍♀️

        2. Hm. I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you on that HG.

          When people go through traumatic incidents and then they re read similar events to the incident. It triggers the emotional thinking. Because a lot of us re cap events that have happened.

          With that said. I can’t disagree that this is a constructive place to do it. Because we will be given good advice from you as to how to properly handle it.

          1. No Empath007, there is a very important distinction here.

            1. Reading my work does not increase the emotional thinking.
            2. If you read my work and then think about the narcissist, then that increases the emotional thinking.
            You can see the difference between the two sentences.
            Yes the reading can (and often does) cause a trigger BUT it is the thinking that increases the ET. You have to learn to halt the thinking. Admittedly that can be difficult, but look at it this way:-
            1. You can think about the narcissist and not read here (because of course people will do that thinking) ; or
            2. You can think about the narcissist and read here.
            The former increases ET without any benefit at all.
            The latter increases ET with counteracting logic and knowledge.

          2. Fair enough HG I would probably be not only still thinking of him… but still caught in the cycle with him if I hadn’t found your works. If I hadn’t come here and read I don’t know if I would have ever broken that cycle with him. I’m so happy I have come this far.

            I’m just excited for the day I achieve “zero impact”

            I’m sick of thinking about him 🤣

            Thanks for weaponizing us HG.

      2. Desiree. Also, if they become addicted to H.G., at least it is cyberspace. I wish them good luck in ever encountering a Narcissist even similar to his school and cadre, offline, at random, here and there. HG will have ruined it for the other Narcissists that are running around and about here and there, that they encounter. And, that is a good thing. So they will be safer, after all. So H.G. just may be a cure within a cure within a cure. I once had this friend that managed to date for 4 years a magnificent man, and super wealthy (I am not exaggerating-an heir to a great known fortune, and the oldest son) and actually handsome, and around her same age instead of being 20 years older and all that, and easy natured, and somewhat charming, but she ruined it, but it was not really her fault that she ruined it-she just made a misjudgement about something, and I did warn her she was misjudging a certain idea. And I went out with the 2 of them a lot, all expenses paid, but my point is, she even told me after the breakup, no one else could ever compare to him for her. I believed her, so I never said to her, oh yes, somebody better will come along. I would just stay silent. Because men like that, easy-going and heirs to a great fortune are not a common commodity. I should have tried to ensnare him, after she lost him, but it did not even cross my mind as I, her best friend, was dealing with her heartbreak after, the best that I could, and she still ended up on psychiatric care and medication over losing him, for a few years. He was not a Narcissist. He friended me, or whatever it is called on Linkedin, a few years ago, but he is way out of my league, so I just never posted anything to him, thereafter, after the initial acceptance of the friend request, and I ended up closing that Linkedin account (I think it is closed now, but who knows). So, the cyber crush on HG just may be quite therapeutic for many.

      3. Yes Desiree, the slope away from the emotional thinking is occurring and any therapist has been essentially useless. I don’t see a connection at all between feeding an addiction and interacting with HG, it is more the exact opposite. Learning what has happened and is happening is essential to not remaining confused and stuck in the endless quagmire I see a few friends totally stuck living within.

    3. 🥺🥺🥺😱🤯 ew ew ew ew pls nooooooooooooo
      no offense to HG, but that really grossed me out. Maybe it’s bc I’ve so much family with these dark triad behaviors and it’s like creepycrawlycrushing on your older brother, or something. Blech. I need a ginger ale.

      1. Survivor I don’t see why becoming infatuated with HG would be a eew thing
        To become infatuated is fine and quite normal but becoming obsessed and possibly believing in a fantasy relationship is where it starts to be worrying
        I have been guilty of this a LOT in my life
        It is easy and secure but NOT real
        I think we do this to feel safe even my narc relationship a lot of it was fantasy also via phone etc
        The kicker is a fantasy relationship can hurt just as much if not more than the real thing
        Jeez I sound nuts 🤔

        Kiki

        1. I completely understand and I’ve been there, Kiki. I guess there’s an ew factor for me in this instance just because he literally seems ‘familiar’ to me. I feel like if I played you back my late father’s voicemail for instance, who to me sounded like a haughty funeral director and then played HG’s voice back, the similarities in cadence and tone would be remarkable.

          1. Suvivor X: Empaths can be quite expansive, as you know, yes? I am more so on some days than others, . And on some posts more than others. And some times more than other times. It is very cyclical on here, and perhaps it is my time now, and it has been others` time before me, and it will probably be still some others` time after me. And after many of us achieve a certain level of catharsis on here, I am sure we all calm down after a while. I perceive you can see I have not reached the tipping point of my catharsis where I just relax a bit more, like some of the more seasoned readers on here. And we `get` each other and we `get` all the different stages of the journey in this dynamic. And over time we `get` who is whom on here. No one has either complained to me or pointed it out except one other person who even included me in a little poem that she wrote on here, and now you. And I am enjoying myself tremendously and immensely and learning so much about people and, I am even laughing, something I had not done in 3 years due to my Narcissistic entanglement, when I wondered if I even wanted to live on planet earth any longer, before I found Narcsite. Plus, and Most Importantly, it is HG Tudor`s Blog for Him to moderate, based on His Ownership of His Own blog. That is under His Control. So, I have no worries, about it all. At all.

          2. Well, I’m glad you are feeling better. I am not complaining about it. It actually makes me happy to see this much writing in the comments because of how stunted humanity has become with the 143 some character limitations on responses. It has been proven to incite aggression on social media.

          1. The problem is PSE that it was Queen Gertrude who said this line and she was seeking to deflect from the fact that the play Hamlet had organised demonstrated he knew what she (Gertrude – his mother) had been complicit in. Accordingly, whilst Gertrude is trying to cast doubt on the integrity of the actor in the play, she only serves to underscore her own guilt.

          2. Dearest HG: Thank you, HG. I understand that I should have said, I am reminded of a line in a certain Shakespearean play: “ The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

          3. PSE, I really admire the sheer volume of verbiage you are putting forth on here. Do we have a blog? I’m curious to hear more of our thoughts on things. 🙂

          4. The play was to organized to lay a trap to his uncle, Claudius, but Gertrude also got revealed by commenting on the performance of the actor that supposedly played her part. Double mousetrap. Sorry for the nerdy impromptu. I felt obliged.

        2. Honestly, Kiki I re-read your response, and I feel that also. Narcissistic relationships often feel excrutiating even when you’re comparing it to real heartbreak. I notice, however, once they are out of your life and you’ve had some time to heal, there is peace and often I’m hard-pressed to even visualize them in your mind’s eye.

        3. Kiki

          You don’t sound nuts at all. What you wrote is true, people can hurt just as much if not more from a fantasy relationship as they do a real relationship. To these people, these relationships are real and there feelings are very real. Some might be hurting from a failed relationship and they find this cyber relationship helps ease that hurt, as they keep corresponding there feelings for this person continues to grow and before they know they have slipped into not knowing what is real and what is fantasy.

        4. When you become obsessed, Kiki, you enter the dangerous zone of suffering from hybristophilia, which I saw in this letter.

          1. Goddamn that’s a million dollar word, Sweetest Perfection. Yea there’s definitely some weirdness on here that I’m not entirely understanding. Don’t get me wrong, I’m weird af, but I think it’s like when people wanted to date my dad, and I was like initially like, are you cray-cray? I guess he paid for dinner and had basic understanding of decorum if he was out and about. He had his ways, in particular with women with particular abandonment issues. I don’t believe myself to be superior in my dysfunction, at all, although I’ve daddy issues that manifest differently, as my father was “around” being a chronic homebody, often friendless as well as extremely overbearing and a control freak.
            These letters, also..where do they come from? Are they sent to HG and then he posts them? Where do these pictures come from? Do they come from him, also? Sorry I am probably asking the wrong person this. Aye aye aye.

          2. Survivor X, I like you! You’re funny. I think the letters come from victims that use this venue to express their feelings without really sending them to the narcs in their lives, so they send them to HG instead and they work as great examples and reference points for other survivors. I believe the pictures are picked by HG himself, he usually nails it at picking the right image to go with the content although I hate when he uses dolls. Just a little phobia I have, here’s another big word for today: pediophobia.

          3. Dolls are creepy AF, Sweetest Perfection.
            Ja feel.
            Lol thank you! I think my sense of humor-even if I’m the only one who knows wtf I’m talking about (Inside jokes with myself) has saved me from a lot of further trauma from a lot of very sad occurrences in my life.

          4. Sweetest! That photo of the dolls that HG demonstrates how they are moved around in the fuel matrix, is one of my favorites ever. I never had a doll growing up, so I sort of wanted to play the game the doll fuel matrix game when I saw the photo and accompanying explanations. …. the IPPS goes here…..the Shelved DLS goes here…. the CIPPS goes here, wait….. this one is labeled as bad, so she goes way down here. Wow!!! Now that is playing with dolls. Maybe I would have wanted one, growing up, if I had known about this doll game.

          5. PSE, you never had a doll? DO YOU WANT MY MOTHER IN LAW’S COLLECTION?????

          6. I used to collect bus passes for the pretty holograms and rocks.. 🤓

          7. Sweetest P. I was the only girl with brothers and my male cousins and my father, all I thought were more fun than my mom, although I loved her dearly. So, growing up, I had to struggle to keep up, so I wanted toys such as a baseball glove and bats and my own basketball and fishing rods, and rifle, and bows and arrows and bicycles, and slingshots, and a tree house, and a dog and a cat and a live horse, etc. I received all. Big Fun. As the song goes, `Don`t cry for me, Argentina.`

          8. Oh, that sounds like way more fun than dolls to me, “Evita” 😃

          9. I didn’t have dolls either. I didn’t want them. I wanted to be a boy! Life was so unfair.

          10. You still can! I’ve never wanted to be a boy but my dad surely wanted me to be a boy instead. In fact, nobody was happy I was a girl when I was born.

          11. Sweet P, I don’t want to be a boy now. I did until I started school though. My parents thought I was going to be a boy. Maybe it was a subconscious desire to please them? I would pray before I went to sleep that I would wake up as a boy. I always pretended I was a boy when playing too. It all stopped when I started school and I became ok with my “girlyness” I love being feminine now and all glittery. I guess it was just a phase, not a legit gender identity issue.

          12. This is not politically correct but my middle girls (11 & 12) keep calling each other “lesbian trannies.” I’m not supposed to laugh and I told them it’s not nice—in fact my mother yelled at them too. What is funny is that they think it’s so funny to say and strike me dead but even my gay cousin thinks it’s funny. We are all bound for ACLU sensitivity training.

        5. Kiki—I just hated on relationships one hour ago on here until I saw this specimen at my doctors office! Haha! It was way reciprocated so I’m sure it’s best to keep my head down. They still look good. 🤷🏼‍♀️

          1. Lorelei: The book, Sitting Target, keeps coming to mind. To make sure we are completely Topped Up and Have a Grip in a forewarned type of way, much ahead of time.

          2. Hi Princess! It’s on my nightstand! If he was flirting from across the room he’s a narcissist.. But it was a nice specimen!

          3. Lorelei: Hmmm….reading HG at Bedtime. Now, that would be the final frontier for me. Maybe, I will order tomorrow. Does he sign them. I want a signed one in the future. A real signature, not those mechanical faux handwriting ones. In the fullness of time, of course. And I want him to write: To Princess Super Empath, indeed one of my favorite readers, from The Artist also known as H.G. Tudor. Enjoy your read. HG approves! (well…in the movies one is allowed to request what the author writes when they sign your book). I have seen, Murder She Wrote, episodes, you know.

          4. Most everything is on kindle and I should have bought actual books so they could be autographed! I’m a reader and always have my phone so it’s my preference, although I like your line of thinking!

          5. Dearest HG: I plan to order Sitting Target. Will you please pick out one of your other books for me as well. It is too much for me to decide. I would be very much obliged. Thank you.

          6. Dearest HG: Marvelous. Thank you for your book recommendation. ~~PSE

          7. Dearest HG: Outnumbered but not Outgunned is not in paperback on Amazon. Darn. I just checked. Is it in paperback anywhere else, or is it Kindle only. Please recommend another one, if not. I want to order Sitting Target today, but one other book as well. Thank you.

          8. Lorelei. So, I decided upon Sitting Target and Sex and The Narcissist. However, Sex and the Narcissist is arriving first, of course. Boy! Does Amazon push heavily for one to join their Prime Service. I kept ordering my 2 books through the process and they kept asking in different ways, if I wanted to Join Prime, and I kept responding, no thanks, and then when I reached the final phase to commit to the order, and was prepared to hit the send button, they told me that for $1.99, I could have Prime for one week and cancel at anytime and my shipping would be free, but I looked at my shipping and handling cost, and it was only around $5.00 for both books, and I thought if I make some mistake in cancelling the Prime offer, or misunderstand some fine print about the Prime contract, they will win monetarily somehow, and I will have the headache of reaching and interacting with their customer service, so for only a $3.00 difference, and for my peace of mind, with no fear of being subjected to any form of Amazon`s gaslighting, I said NO to Prime, and now my order is complete. I read, very late last night, HG`s article: The Devil’s Pitchfork, and was amazed regarding his breakdown of that pitchfork and those prongs. I successfully evaded the 3 pronged pitchfork and the Hoovers of Amazon and its Prime service. A most excellent and timely read. ~PSE. The Devil’s Pitchfork: https://i0.wp.com/narcsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/THE-DEVILS-PITCHFORK.png?resize=768%2C768&ssl=1

          9. I like prime and do subscribe. I love Amazon!! I would totally have Jeff Bezos over for dinner. (Yeah I know..)
            I have serious ADD for books but need to read what I have on kindle. I did read the sex book yes—twice. My take away was different after the second read. I understand it much more now after a generalized immersion in the material. I felt less disgusted and it was more clinical. It did create some initial suck it up in terms of talking to HG—being honest. I was upset over the garden plot girl. Angry for her almost but I got over it because I need the honest truth/assistance.

          10. Lorelei: I was Love Bombed quite a few years ago, by Amazon Prime and finally succumbed and used the service for that year. And then I cancelled the contract and I successfully resisted their Initial Grand Hoover that promised me 1/2 price for an additional year, if I would continue, but I stayed strong and pushed through the cancellation. And, I managed to escape. I was hoovered constantly with random ads appearing all over the place after that, for years, on my computer, but I always resisted. Finally the Hoovers paused, but today I guess I was noticed when I entered Amazon`s Sphere of Influence with my book order and the Hoover Bar was very low and sufficient Hoover Execution Criterias were met, and BAM!! What a face off. But, I do not need Amazon Prime right now, and I have ordered my books, and once again I have escaped. Will there be follow up Hoovers? Will I order more books and products from them? Will I once again become an Amazon Prime Customer? Probably. Stay tuned….

          1. Wait, are you a narcissist Narcangel? LOL sorry I totally missed this. durp.
            Gdmmit, I want a catwoman mask. 😀

          2. Survivor
            No. I’m just a little bit cunty and a little bit rock and roll.

            Not a typo.

          3. LMAO NarcAngel me too! 😀 (Not really, but I ask a lot of questions, am very direct much of the time and some ppl don’t like it.)

          4. Survivor X
            I’m not really either. I’m mostly just misunderstood by over emotionals who prefer their words with a side of diabetes.

          5. I can be emotional about some things..other things not as much? I often felt that I wasn’t emoting enough for family members, especially. Now, I’m wondering if they needed ‘fuel’ from me as some were narcissistic, and I didn’t have a unemotional problem, at all.

          6. “A little bit cunty a little bit rock and roll!!!”
            I hope that’s a NA original!
            💯

          7. NA,
            Erica Jane…check her out! She wears a necklace that says “Cunty”…it is a compliment, absolutely!

          8. Survivor X
            The Ns in my family wanted the emotional dial set to 10 as well.
            I found your comment interesting.
            My Lesser N-Mother tried to groom me and my normal brother to be geyser empaths, but we both resisted.
            She wanted fuel pumps to match her own over-the-top histrionics and drama. If not geysers, then borderlines.
            Do you think it was similar for you?

  6. Raises hand for love hate thotz about Senor Tudor! That said – wading through the groupies’ comments on here makes me want to dry heave. The content is too valuable to let that be a deterrent.

    1. You are right BO-TATO SALAD, don’t waste this invaluable information afforded by the great HG Tudor. And, like all kind people attempting to mitigate the suffering of a retching addict (i.e. the drunk puking in the loo after a binge), we will be here to support you too.

    2. It creeps me out too. Thank you for saying this BO-TATO 🌟 My god your handle is amazeballs.

  7. “After a lifetime of denial, wandering, destructive behaviors . . . ”

    it’s tough to wake up from all that. It’s so easy to go back on Automatic, to fall back into the illusions that we made up in order to survive and/or to try to make a life of some king of meaning, even if we did so unconsciously.

    I am not in love with HG, but I do appreciate his illusion-busting abilities, which are sort of like cloudbusting.

    I just know that something good is going to happen.

  8. jejejeje
    Reading Mr. Tudor at first caused me a lot of anger, it’s like reading my own abuser, but just that overwhelming honesty fell like ice water to help my recovery.
    Thank you

  9. Very honest expression of how someone can feel something “unhealthy” for you and push through it in their process. Kudos to the writer.

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