The Golden Period

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The Golden Period is that period when all is wonderful between us and our victims. This is the illusory mask that is donned in order to draw you in, bind you to us, embed you and then continue to savour the positive fuel that you pump out. Of course most people recognise that this is relevant with regards to the romantic relationship between the narcissist and the Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”). Certainly, this is the most intense, most intoxicating and most addictive of the golden periods, but the golden period applies to all appliances that we interact with. How does that manifest and how long are these golden periods?
Let us commence with the tertiary source. There are essentially two types of tertiary source. There is the Sporadic Tertiary Source (“STS”) and the Frequent Tertiary Source (“FTS”). The STS is somebody that we interact with just the once or perhaps more than once but not very often. So that could be somebody who we get in a lift with or who occasionally serves us when we go to a particular restaurant every few months. We do not know one another and therefore this person is a Tertiary Source however our engagement with them is always benign. They smile at us, do something helpful for us, compliment us, speak to us in an interested way and so forth. In that instant, the interaction may only be for thirty seconds or so, but that is a golden period. It is brief, very brief but nevertheless because we have engaged with that person in a benign way and drawn positive fuel from them they have had a golden period. We may not have charmed them but we have certainly been pleasant to them, we have impressed them, engaged with them in a way which has caused them to provide us with positive fuel. This means that they have not suffered in any way and we have drawn positive fuel.
The FTS is someone we may see several times a week but they remain a stranger to us. This might be somebody who we buy a daily newspaper from, or a ticket inspector on the train. We engage with the individual repeatedly and always do so in pleasant terms and thus we gain positive fuel from this person who greets us with a smile and compliments our choice of tie or fragrance, but there is no more to the relationship. We see them repeatedly and this positive engagement means there is a protracted Golden Period but the manner of the engagement remains brief, seconds or minutes at most.
A golden period for the STS or FTS will be brought to an abrupt end if they criticise us in some way and wound us or we see that drawing a reaction from them by way provocation and the provision of negative fuel would serve our purposes in another way, for instance in terms of triangulating them with someone who is a higher ranked source who we wish to impress or appear authoritative in front of.
With regard to the secondary sources, there are those who are Non Intimate Secondary Sources (friends, family and colleagues) and then Intimate Partner Secondary Sources (someone we are seducing who is likely to become the IPPS, someone who is a booty call or a friend with benefits).
Those who are NISSs nearly always have golden periods and those golden periods last for a long time. This is because we exhibit our attractive qualities, we charm, we are polite, good-natured, interesting and so on in order to attract this person to us and once designated as a NISS we keep them in place for a considerable period of time. The golden period for a NISS can last a long time because we only draw on their positive fuel now and again. Thus we may see a friend once a week or once a month and therefore there is no extensive reliance in terms of frequency and quantity from this person which threatens the potency. We may meet for an hour for a coffee or an evening out together and we draw positive fuel (plus other benefits) from them. Unless they challenge us, criticise us, stop fuel provision and such like, this golden period will continue unabated. We will not suddenly find their fuel stale (as happens with the IPPS) and therefore the golden period lasts.
With the IPSS the golden period is similarly extensive. There are three types of IPSS:-
The Candidate IPSS. This is someone who is likely to become the IPPS and is on that trajectory towards being crowned;
The Shelf IPSS. This person is not an immediate candidate for becoming IPPS (but that might change in the future) but they are used for fuel on an intermittent basis. Whilst the IPPS is devalued we will spend time with the Shelf IPSS even though we know they are not going to be the new IPPS, but their fuel etc remains of considerable use and interest to us, they may be used to triangulate with the IPPS (or other IPSSs);
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS. See more here  Dirty Little Secret

If the person is a clear prospect for IPPS then this candidate will experience the full effect of the illusory seduction as they are drawn into our world and treated like a king or queen. The various seductive manipulations will be deployed to create this magical wonderland where the most perfect love resides. This is the intoxicating, whirlwind seduction where the love-bombing abounds. Once this candidate IPSS is embedded as the IPPS the golden period continues.
Sometimes the IPSS does not secure the promotion but as I have written elsewhere there is no need to devalue this person. This person is a Shelf IPSS. Their fuel remains excellent but they are not quite right. This may  change and they are promoted in the future, or it may not and they remain an IPSS for a long time, picked up and put down when we decide. Thus if an IPSS accepts this role they will experience a long golden period. Yes, there will be periods when they will not hear from us and they have been placed on the shelf but this is not devaluation.
The fuel from an IPSS similarly does not become stale because they are engaged with intermittently by us. The pattern of engagement may be a weekend together and then nothing for a fortnight. It might be a week away together and then nothing for a month.
With the Dirty Little Secret IPSS the engagement is likely to be an hour in the evening or the occasional afternoon but usually once a week, sometimes more. The time together is not long but there is a greater frequency than that of the Shelf IPSS.
With all three of these IPSSs they experience significant golden periods.
The Candidate IPSS has an intense golden period which may be a number of weeks before they then become an IPPS and the golden period for that appliance is applicable;
The Shelf IPSS can have a golden period for years and years;
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS can have a golden period for years and years.
The Golden Periods for the Shelf and Dirty Little Secret IPSS is not as intense as that for the Candidate (nor the IPPS see below) but it remains addictive. The victim is treated well, future-faked a lot, given comfort crumbs, taken places, confided in, bought gifts and so forth.The narcissist recognises the value of these type of IPSSs and wishes to maintain them. If the IPSS challenges the narcissist, for instance wants the narcissist to spend more time with them, or threatens to expose their affair to the IPPS, the narcissist will devalue but does so in order to bring that person back into line. If they respond then the golden period is restored immediately. If not, the malfunctioning IPSS will be dis-engaged with and somebody else sought for the role.
The Golden Period for the IPPS is that which most people are familiar with. The Golden Period for the IPPS commences when they are a Candidates IPSS and once they have been embedded they continue to enjoy the fruits of the narcissist’s largesse. The golden period for the IPPS is the one which creates the truly magical connections, the dizzying delight and wondrous magnificence which becomes addictive. The Golden Period for the IPPS will last from months to years dependent on how long their positive fuel is potent enough, frequent enough and supplied in the desired quantities. A typical golden period will be 6-24 months.
The Golden Period for an IPPS ends because the appliance fails us. This is because the appliance has reduced the potency, frequency and/or quantity of the fuel so that it is no longer sufficient for us and thus devaluation must commence by way of altering the fuel provided and punishing the malfunctioning IPPS. Or the positive fuel no longer is regarded as potent by us because it feels stale. Again, devaluation follows for the reasons just explained. This determination is entirely down to us and there is nothing you can do about it. Devaluation always occurs with the IPPS because this person is who we rely on the most for our fuel provision and is the most important supplier. We thus engage with this person frequently, often live with this person, certainly see them almost every day, talk every day, do much together so we can draw on the positive fuel. The fuel is extremely potent to us and of critical consequence. However, this frequent reliance means that the risk of it becoming stale is very high and therefore devaluation follows. Unlike a NISS or IPSS, devaluation is not a foregone conclusion because of the lower demand placed on these secondary sources for their fuel provision.
Some people who are the IPPS do not experience the fireworks and magic of the Golden Period. Instead, they experience the Bronze Period. This is when the narcissist (usually a Lower or Middle Lesser or  a Lower Mid-Ranger) does not treat them especially magnificently but what they do do is keep the beast in check so that what is seen is not going to cause the newly targeted victim to retreat. The Golden Period and the Bronze Period both serve the function of hiding the true nature of the narcissist from the victim. The full horror is kept from them. The Golden Period goes further and binds the victim especially to the narcissist, it heightens the addiction of the victim, it creates a place which the victim strives to return to (and which the narcissist will reinstate if he or she sees fit) during devaluation. The Bronze Period merely keeps the horror under wraps and there will be some favourable treatment but nothing amazing.
The Golden Period for all appliances is an artifice which is designed to enable us to secure our Prime Aims (see The Prime Aims ) chief of which is the provision of fuel. Whether this illusion  is used for 30 seconds or years, it is still that; an illusion.

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28 Comments

  1. Tutor,
    Is that “you” wearing that mask in the pic? Those eyes are horribly creepy.

    1. That mask reminds me of the mask and costume my narc showed me from the movie eyes wide shut. He loved that movie. The mask was custom made. Its ironic what that same mask now symbolizes.

    1. Believer, your sentiment is very sweet and I love FM1T hugs (adorable I love hugs too) but ladies… no golden period in ANY relationship, with a normal, empath or narc…
      Could ever last forever. That’s impossible.

      What IS possible is for two people to love and respect each other and build a life together. But for the long term… that takes commitment and hard work.

      There are a lot of “normal” couples who have facade to the world as well.

      They fall into a rut not communicating with one another anymore which is a lot different then abuse.. but my point is to say for most couples to be happy long term, they have to actively work at that (or feel completely comfortable with complacency)

      Don’t wish for the GP to last forever for SM. Wish her the strength to love herself enough to not put up with abuse. Wish her the strength to care for herself when the time comes. Wish for her to not forget about all the amazing qualities HG has told us she has and to use them when she needs them.

      1. Empath007,

        Your comment is beautiful. ♥️ I thought the Golden Phase could last forever if it lasts for years and years, and then SM dies for some reason and she dies in the Golden Phase.

        1. Thanks.

          I can’t say for myself personally that being in the “golden phase” with my narc was the best thing in my life. I also would have had no desire to die having thought it was real. As much as this process has hurt… I’d much rather know the truth and live through it because I have a life full of lots of wonderful things the narc could never measure up too if he tried.

          As for SM I think she can likely do better then being abused. I’m
          Not envious of anyone’s GP with an abuser … but that’s just me.

          I hope she can eventually GOSO… that’s what I hope for her.

          1. I have a lot to figure out from past trauma. I guess I’m a bit confused, still. I never went to therapy, yet. It was difficult finding someone who could understand this type of abuse. Though I didn’t know the name of the abuse, I knew the therapist didn’t get it.

          2. That’s usually the case T’mara. Which is why a lot of us end up here. It’s a clear description of the abuse and why it happens. I also had a therapist that re traumatized me… she suggested I forgive the narc and that he meant what he said, even tried to make it seem I was too hard on him.

            So I went to do my own research and it lead me down this path.

            I’m sorry about your past traumas. I hope you can heal from whatever that person did to you.

          3. Thank you, Empath007. ♥️ I wish to heal, too, with HG’s help because there is no one else to guide or assist me even though I am blessed with very good insurance.

            I wish I could get a TAR for my insurance company to pay HG for monthly, or weekly Consultations. I was under the coverage of Victim’s Witness, for a long time, and there is simply no one who is educated on NPD Abuse in my area, or even the other states I visit.

            So, maybe I could get a referral from my doctor to have Mr. Tudor help me. I will have to figure out how to ask my doctor, without mentioning that HG is a Sociopath because I don’t think doctor would understand, and might say, “No.” But, if I can word it right, then maybe…

  2. The golden period for the Ipps can last for months and even years.

    This article you should post on Instagram HG, you have some on there that have been waiting since the first week of the start of your golden period with SM, for you to start devaluation. I have never seen such a thing, I think it’s horrible of them!

      1. I know you don’t like these HG, but after an answer like, I can’t help myself! Come here big boy! 🤗 🤗 🤗 haha!

      2. HG
        I want you to succeed, and then to have to write a new chapter at the end of ‘Fuel’.
        It’ll be entitled:
        “I’m the first one to ever succeed in this endeavour, and here’s how I did it”….or words to that effect.

        FM1T and I have the champagne on chill as we speak…

        1. Caroline, plus a paragraph at the end of the book from SM.
          I am the Shield Maiden! I am the one that brought HG to his knees!
          Bwahahahaha! Just teasing HG! 🙃

          1. FM1T
            Yes!
            It would be good to see SM write her thoughts about the relationship too, and about herself.
            That might take a couple of chapters.
            It’d be a best-seller!

          2. Caroline,
            We must remember it cannot come out before HGs book, we must also make sure her book does not sell more then his! 🙃🤣

  3. I don’t post on here much and apologies in advance for the long post, and did have a consultation with HG at the beginnig of the year, which was really useful. I don’t care what school of narc he is, but if there was one he would graduate with a masters from the school of the bat shit crazies.

    I did armed with knowledge stop seeing him at the beginning of the year, and stupidly went back a couple of months later – hell hath no fury like a narcissist you have dropped and then gone back to – it was horrendous. He enlightned me about his other friends, I got spat on during one encounter, not too mention he looked like a complete fruitcake during the act.

    I was always kept away from friends and family, but strangely him being a restaurant owner, had no problem with me going there to start with, but when he became even more manipulative I was told to text first.
    I was always told to text (not call), which someimes I did ignore, and he did fail to control me, I did not see him when he demanded, I orchestrated it so that it was conveninent for me, I told him about my past relationships (not many), told him of the amazing weekends and holidays that I go on, and how successful business was.

    I knew from day one he was after my money / assets and my inheritance from the moment I met him. He never asked for money, but conversations were always aimed that I should go and enjoy it with someone else. He never future faked, said that he did not want a relation ship yet was separated / working with his much older wife.

    Yet after all of this the ‘Golden Period’ was short but then I suspected his BS from the beginning, yet this went on and off for about a year. I saw him for the evening and night about every 2 or 3 weeks, yet at the beginning of the year when he was short of money this was about 2 times a week, I never spent a penny on him to this day.

    The narc was an acquaintance / family friend for years, and tried to hook up with me a couple of years ago, but I was not interested perhaps this is why the golden period was so short.

    We are now no contact after a huge falling out a couple of months ago, yet I dont want to see him, I just feel sorry for him – I received a malign text hoover last week, and did not respond, he is now blocked.

    My question is HG if I may would the narc hide a ‘candidate IPSS’, and would he spend the whole night if just a DSL just every few weeks?

      1. A massive thanks HG, your site no only offers clarity to the extent of what we are dealing with, it give an honest outlook to the way we are treated and perceived by these individuals. I can honestly say the fog is lifting, I have not reacted to the nasty message, just blocked and am truly the happiest I have been in a year, not to mention this blog / consultation has stopped me becoming manipulated even more but I was too savvy to get ripped off by this idiot, it is now job done!

  4. Mine lasted 12 months – last time he said that he was really hooked for a year and he added that I have been lucky they rarely make it more than 3 months …
    I was thinking to myself – because they saw through way before me …

  5. “it creates a place which the victim strives to return to (and which the narcissist will reinstate if he or she sees fit)”

    You can flip a switch and bring it back in an instant if you want to. So frustrating!

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