The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 2
It is only over when you die or we die. Death is the only release from our grip.
I repeatedly explain this. I am not advocating that you kill yourself, but rather, I am reinforcing to you, that owing to the Narcissistic Perspective we regard you as our property. You belong to us and that ownership lasts until either you die or we die.
I know some people regard such a comment as grandiosity on my part, “Oh HG,” they say “That’s just you wanting so sound powerful.”
No, it isn’t. True, it is a manifestation of power, but it is a fact and if you fail to abide by this golden rule then you will not achieve and maintain your freedom from our kind.
If you think such a comment is just a manifestation of grandiosity and that your entanglement with the narcissist is over and will never be resurrected, then you are falling prey to your emotional thinking. You will lower your guard, you will engage with us again and you will be ensnared in some form. I have seen it happen repeatedly with my victims. Further, I have lost track of the number of times honest readers have stated
“You were right HG. He came back.”
Of course he or she did. We always will, if the opportunity arises because you are our property, our appliance and we have invested in you. We want to capitalise on that investment time and time again.
You may state with conviction that this was the ‘final discard’ (such a phrase makes me roll my eyes) because there is no such thing. Those that declare that it was the final discard, invariably state it from one of two perspectives – firstly, that they have done something so terrible to the narcissist that he or she would never dare to darken their doorstep again or secondly it is said because they want the twisted confirmation that it isn’t the “final discard” and the narcissist will return because the addicted victim wants the narcissist to return again.
Such conviction is dangerous. It breeds complacency. It makes you vulnerable. I will not deny that there are certain acts which are committed against that result in massive wounding. These acts invariably lead to your disengagement and our kind may well skulk away tail between legs and not be seen or heard of for some time. But it is only a temporary state of affairs.
There is always a risk we will return. It may be a very low risk or a very high risk, but the risk remains and a lot of the time, owing to naivety and ineffective (supposed) no contact regimes the risk is higher than you realise. Owing to the innate addiction you have to our kind and your inherent susceptibility to the fraudulent effects of emotional thinking, the risk is higher than you realise.
By understanding that it is never over until you die or we die ensures you avoid the complacency which results in ensnarement. I do not mean you have to live your life thereafter always looking over your shoulder, but ensuring that you do not adopt the mantle of arrogance that we are gone for good. By maintaining the mindset that there is always a risk, you will create a Logic Defence so that you, over time and with the adoption of additional techniques I can detail to you, automatically maintain your vigilance so that it does not feel like a burden.
Every one of my romantic victims has been hoovered by me. I do not draw them back into the Formal Relationship as I have a nomadic approach, but they have all been hoovered. One was hoovered after a 12 year gap.
Do not regard this golden rule as one of inducing fear and despair, but instead apply it so that you maintain your awareness and your guard is now lowered. By understanding and applying this rule, you are far less likely to commit the elementary errors that those disregarding this rule will do.
Our mindset says it is never over until death comes. Our need for fuel and other elements of the Prime Aims means that it is never over until death comes. Our ability to return in so many different ways means that it is never over until death comes.
By combining this golden rule with my material however you can ensure that it may as well be over because your education and application of your education means the risk of our return has been reduced and maintained at a very low level indeed.
Disregard this golden rule and your risk increases.
12 thoughts on “The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 2”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Yes, his demise ended his hold over me. 😃
I wonder sometimes about our fuel, the N victim’s fuel. I think sometimes I reach out for that sip of excitement and pain the way other people ride rollercoasters or skydive. After a year of no contact, sometimes I think about how my life feels (good, even, positive, perhaps a bit boring?) and I unblock him and wait. The waiting is a rush. After a year of being completely blocked I wonder how attentive he was to that block and how often he checks my defenses. I make a private bet with myself. Sometimes within 24 hours of unblocking after a full year, there’s the hoover. It’s amazing, it’s like it’s his full time job to monitor all of his supplies. And the hoover feels so familiar and good. It’s such a rush. I know there’s pain coming in the future and I dread it, but the adrenaline rush of knowing that pain is out there but knowing before it comes I’ll get the mix of lovebomb and conflict… I don’t know, if the N gets fuel from that, I guess I get my own kind of fuel at the same time. So I don’t begrudge him his. He can win. I can win. It’s not a permanent state of affairs, because as you said, the cycle will never end.
I have read what you have written but I honestly, truly believe my husband- soon to be ex will never ever Hoover me- whether it be through different methods and/or himself. Whether it be up close or from a distance (and if it is- who cares. If I don’t see it- it never existed.)
I have always had this belief, once he left me (he ended our relationship) that it would be done forever. My husband has been “trying” to leave me for over 15 years and really made it known over the past ten years. He would constantly complain to me about how much he hated me, hated being married to me, hated being married. He would tell me how much I made him miserable- truly miserable. He would give different excuses for not leaving me during that 10 year period- our church, the kids (he didn’t want to pay child support), I kept getting sick or hurt and how would that make him look to others if he left me in that state, or he thought “I” would change. (Lose weight or possible other things- the only one he emphasized was the weight.)
My husbands Pride is to great to Hoover or to come back- to him it would mean, I won. That I would think “he was wrong” “he made a mistake in leaving me” and just like he won’t admit to the many affairs, hook ups he has had (even when caught), he would never want to give me that “satisfaction” or have me believe such a thing.
I have also done something that has also made it so he will never Hoover me- I had him a arrested and so did his four children. He is now facing criminal charges of three counts of assault and one count of uttering threats. There is a very good chance he will be going to jail and/or if he doesn’t go to jail, he will at minimum be under house arrest, have a criminal record etc which will affect his career, and his future careers. (He is in the military, a volunteer firefighter and an emergency medical responder- he wants to be a paramedic when he retires from the military in two years.) – if you have a criminal record you can’t be those things. Also there may be a chance if he does go to jail, he will be dishonourable discharged from the military- which will infuriate him- which would cause him to “never forgive me for such treachery”. Plus, even though our youngest two children are 17 and 18, he will most likely have to pay child support for them for quite some time (something he thought he wouldn’t have to pay and that is why he choose now to leave me- but he was mistaken.) He will also have to pay spousal support/ and will lose half his pension and CPP. These are all things he was trying to avoid or thought he could get away from if he waited to leave me until now. (We have been together for 23 years and married for21.5 years during that time.)
Yes, he will “always” somewhat be a part of my life because he is the father to our four children (who wants nothing to do with him.) but he will never hover me. To him I have done the unspeakable to him.
Do I secretly wish he would Hoover me- and when I say that- I mean actually tries to come back into my life and go through the entire love bombing stage with me again -sweeping me off my feet- I would be lying if I didn’t say yes- because to “me”, psychologically it would mean he did care about me and still does. It would mean I wasn’t worthless, that I actually existed in this world. I actually existed to him. I love him, and will always love him. Am I in love with him, no. It is hard to be in love with someone you can not trust, who has hurt you and betrayed you in so many ways (verbal, psychologically, emotional, sexually and physically.); who constantly lied to me, cheated on me, manipulated and gas lighted me, who treated me like a slave – who treated me like I was nothing to the point I tried to kill myself on a February 26.l, 2019.
I know what my husband is now (I learned what he was a Month after he left me but I always somewhat suspected there was something wrong with him) and I think he knows that too. I don’t think my husband truly knows what he is though- which makes him either a lesser narcissist or mid-range narcissist. But he is a narcissist and psychopath. I feel sorry for him. (Which I know would irritate him that I think that about him because it would make him think I thought he was weak.)
As for the woman he is with now, I only look at her as a supply, an appliance- she is not human- at least not to him. She is just a toy he plays with. To amuse himself with until he gets bored and moves on to the next. I feel no real jealousy for this person who thinks she may be better than I because he left me for her. The only thing that bothers me about this woman, and any other woman who enters his life is everything he ever complained about with me or he refused to do with me, he has no issue with her, or he is doing it with her- which hurts- but I constantly remind myself none of it is real- it is all an illusion and she or them will eventually find themselves in the same place I currently am sitting in right now- discarded. What I do know or believe though, he won’t stay with them as long as he did me. He won’t make that same mistake twice, and he will never share his money with them again. His pay cheque will be his pay cheque.
I do not truly believe he will “Hoover” me. Not in 2 years, 5 years or 20 years. My husband is done with me.
Your belief is misplaced. This is common. He will hoover you in accordance with the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being met. If you want to discuss this with regard to your own circumstances and why your emotional thinking is blinding you to this Kimberly, I advocate that you organise a consultation with me and I can explain this for you in detail.
What would I need to do to arrange this.
I am very interested in you explaining this to me in detail.
Please see this link
https://narcsite.com/private-audio-consultation/
You will find it of necessary and substantial assistance at this time.
Kimberly
Welcome!
What an enormous amount of heartache you’ve experienced!
You’re in the best place to help you to process everything, and to feel understood.
You’re among friends here.
Do as HG advises, even if it seems counterintuitive.
Lean on him for support and practical counsel about your situation.
Your husband’s great drama of “I’m leaving you/I hate you/I’m not cheating on you/I’m sorry/It’s all your fault” is ALL about him getting fuel from you.
You’re a wonderful source of fuel, character traits and residual benefits for him, and I don’t think that he’ll ever leave you be.
Not for long, anyway.
He has years of smear campaigns ahead of him!
Hoovering from jail.
Triangulating…
He knows you too well, but most importantly, he’s an fuel addict, and it’ll drive all of his future behaviour.
It’s so great to hear that he’s been charged and may do jail time. We need more of that sort of good news!
You didn’t deserve any of his BS and abuse.
Not one tiny bit of it!
I’m saddened to hear that you were brought to breaking point by him. I well understand coming to a point of despair, and wanting to be free of the pain.
I’m glad that you’re here with us.
You’re a precious person.
What a morning read this is! This information clarified that no contact with anyone he knows which includes mutual friends must be on no contact list as well and my power with my highest power must be extremely enforced. Because if you seriously think your kind in not in this world in the form of the devil is truly an understatement. Mr,H believe it or not God has entered your body for awareness in which in my opinion is an clear statement. You are living your life as a advocate to “help” the light workers “Empaths” on this earth. I truly believe this since this is not my 1st rodeo with a Narcissist. Again, thank you for all of your awareness because knowledge is power! My opinion in my situation is believed as follows. God is not ready for my narcissist and the devil doesn’t want him!
But one of them will soon one day. Ta-ta for now my teacher.
God bless
HG… A question that has recently come to mind regarding hoover’s, when the narcissist has such skill at ensnaring new victims, why would they ever want to go back to a fuel source that let them down and had to be discarded?
Because you belong to us.
Furthermore, this invariably occurs when the new IPPS (for instance) enters devaluation and thus they are painted black, which may result in the Former IPPS becoming painted white and therefore the narcissism erases the disloyalty of the Former IPPS (which of course can always be reinstated as and when the narcissism requires it) and thus your risk of being hoovered increases. This is once of the reasons why you remain always at risk of a hoover.
I suppose when the milk sours, the nearest flowing nipple will do.
Ha ha.