The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 4
You are never immune to our kind. You will ALWAYS be susceptible to us because of your innate addiction to our kind. You cannot remove it and thus you will not achieve immunity. You must therefore always be resisting.
You can don the armour to protect yourself as fashioned through my works, but that armour does not give you permanent invulnerability. All armour must be updated, maintained and checked otherwise the shield splits, the chainmail links weaken and the breastplate shatters more readily.
If you think that you are immune to us, you are succumbing to emotional thinking. It wants you to think that you are immune because if that is what you think, then guess what you will do? You will either want to test your immunity or you will believe that you can engage with us in some way and therefore you are doing precisely what your emotional thinking wants you to do. It wants you to engage with us and it will find whatever way it can to make you do that.
You are not immune. You may very well be able to take a telephone call from us and not react to what we say you may even feel nothing for us – no pity, no love or no hate. That time. You may be able to take that second telephone call from us and feel the same way, but because you are not immune, the more you engage with us – whether this is thinking about us, talking about us, spending time with us – you will eventually fall prey to your emotional thinking to a greater extent.
The very fact you are engaging with us when you think that you are immune, means that your emotional thinking is working, because of course logic would tell you that you have no need to engage with us. Why then are you doing it? Because I want to show myself I will not react, I will not get drawn back in. That is emotional thinking. You are engaging with us and several things arise from this which are problematic. They may not appear problematic to you, because during that telephone call you feel in control, you did not get upset, you do not feel anxious any more, you do not feel anything for us, but you are creating problems.
- You will be providing us with fuel. It may be minimal but it will be there because you will not be able to maintain a neutral and flat tone throughout a conversation. Yes, you may be able to achieve this for a very short time and yes, you may not be giving much fuel, but it is there all the same. Thus, we are getting something we want.
- You are not rejecting us. By speaking to us you have signalled that you will answer the phone and engage. You may not be enthusiastic but you answered nevertheless. This provides us with encouragement.
- You are feeding your addiction and therefore your emotional thinking will want more and in its insidious way it will con you by telling you that you handled the call without any difficulty (it feels like this of course but it is not the case) and thus it will encourage you to do so again or encourage you to attend that social event where you know we will be there because you remain confident of being able to handle the situation. All you are doing is allowing the addiction to be fed and for the emotional thinking to surge until it overwhelms you (and it will) at a future point.
- You may well be feeding us useful information in the course of the conversation which we can use to our advantage.
Accordingly, by thinking you are immune and therefore thinking you can engage safely with us, you are creating risks and problems.
You have no need to engage with us.
You have no need to test your immunity because you are not immune. Understand this.
Instead, you can build your resistance. You are resistant but not immune. Some of you have a very low resistance, others far higher, but whichever it is, this resistance, just like the functioning of your own resistance to disease, can erode and weaken. The easiest way for this to happen is by repeatedly exposing yourself to engaging with us. The more you do so, you do not build your resistance but you weaken it. Of course, as I have explained above, you think you are becoming more resistant because you have an encounter with us and you walk away head held high thinking you handled it well. Superficially, yes, but beneath the surface, the problems I have detailed above are forming, waiting and growing ready to ensnare you.
By obeying this golden rule, you will avoid the complacency and risk which comes with thinking you are immune. Instead you will recognise you have resistance, you will understand that his resistance can be made stronger and can also be made weaker, so that with that logic defence established in your mind, you will work harder to avoid complacency and the problems that come with that.
Some of your resistance will be innate, but the majority of resistance is that which is learned and applied. You increase your resistance through reading and understanding, through the imposition of a solid no contact regime, by applying a rigorous purging of the emotional infection so it is driven to the lowest level and by the building of Logic Defences. Combining all of those elements will heighten your resistance, minimise weakening it, reduce the risk of using your resistance unnecessarily (which is of course a consequence of the impact of emotional thinking) and means that when a hoover happens to get through unexpectedly, that when you have those ‘bad days’ when you pine for us, your resistance will not be found wanting and you will repel the hoover, you will reject the emotional thinking which is straining to make you contact us and you will ensure that your resistance remains intact. Do not voluntarily test it, that is giving in to emotional thinking and taking an unnecessary risk – save its strength for when it is really needed because those moments will indeed come.
By applying the cornerstone elements from the paragraph above, their maintenance becomes easier, more natural and more instinctive and thus less arduous for you. You do not need to maintain a state of heightened vigilance, for that becomes draining, you will create a more-readily maintained defensive regime. Doing so little and often becomes far easier than a sudden overhaul when it is too late, which is invariably when complacency has already become the traitor who is unlocking the castle gates.
You are not immune.
You are always resisting.
Remember this and that resistance will achieve freedom and maintain it.
29 thoughts on “The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 4”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Hi, Please let me know does this rule apply to someone who is normal. I’m done the empath detector and know that I must have a no contact regime. What about my child (a normal) who’s father is an upper lessor type B. must my child also adopt a no contact regime. thanks!
How old is the child?
Reading your words on your ‘Achieving NoFuC’ article, HG, reminded me of the words ‘always resisting’ on this article and your ‘Zero Impact’ article. Thank you, HG, for your continued dedication, to assisting people to achieve freedom.
There’s a rehab for every addict. I’m in one now. Your forum! 👍
santaann1964, yes! I’ve heard commenters refer to this as narcoholics anonymous.
Mr.H give us 12 steps! Another article you can write. Again idc if you capitalize off of me. My opinion of you is you a God Send.
I’m akin to relating an empath’s attraction to an emotionally unavailable person or narcissist to alcoholism:
Alcoholism = a physical & physiological disorder that stems in the mind & drastically affects the body once ingested.
Attraction to narcissism & the emotionally unavailable = an emotional & neurological disorder that stems in the mind & drastically affects one’s responses once engaged.
This article has been revolutionary for me in the way I can combat both types.
HG …you’re a genius!!!!!
I agree and you’re welcome. I’m pleased you’re seizing the power.
An Eternal Student: Don’t you just love the motto: Always Resisting!! I do so. It is a fine fail-safe. I sort of lived by that dictum anyway, but if some people notice that you have that tendency to be careful, oh my goodness, they mock you and say you are too careful and not spontaneous enough , and not adventurous enough, etc, etc. But, then, where are they when you are in a predicament. But, now I have complete confidence in the validity of that stalwart strategy, to be: Always Resting.
Good morning HG. HELP PLEASE! I thought it was time to come out of my shell and was I ever wrong. Meant a gentleman who was engaging, witty, kind and successful – we had some good times. He’s a plant manager and in total control of himself and is use to people “obeying” him. A few weeks after seeing him he decided to discuss what he likes pertaining to the bedroom – I was shocked and my look didn’t get past him. At first he seemed to accept my disgust and I thought we would just go out time to time and he could go elsewhere for his “pleasures” – wrong again.
He then sent me a text describing his fantasy which I had no reply – I didn’t ask for that!! I thought he understood my total disagreement for things such as that so WHY did he do that and then get OFFENDED when I gave no response.
My feelings are hurt and I am embarrassed as I do NOT carry myself to even give anyone the idea of “being an easy woman” much less a pervert. He is conveying strongly to me he is not happy with me hence I avoid him. This man has GOT to be a greater narcissist and have no idea how to handle him minus avoiding him. He’s hell bent on “taming me” which honestly I do not understand that – does he mean my bluntness or my avoiding him?
He approached me – did not love bomb me – showed the utmost respect and then this. Can you please explain? If I were a whore I suppose I’d be flattered and game – but I’m not so this is very shaming. Sorry this is such a tacky question but my gut is telling me I walked into the devil’s den.
DID, https://narcsite.com/private-audio-consultation/
Thank you! My son and family are here from CA for 10 days – after they leave I’ll certainly do this – I need total privacy and do not have this currently with my grandchildren. Your reply makes me nervous and confirms in my gut I’m not safe – Again after son and family leaves and I have total privacy I will be reaching back out for our talk. Thank you so much!!!
HG. I see the narc ex most weekends as we frequent the same bar however I treat him as invisible. There is absolutely zero recognition on my part internally or externally. Nothing, nada, zip. My NC regime has been solid since January.He invariably sees me and skulks away which is exactly what I want him to do and so far no hoover attempt which to me is a result. Is that not the desired outcome of disengagement?
HG 🌷 why do I have an inherent addiction to narcissists? Why am I drawn to them even when I don’t consciously know they are narcissistic? How do I find them
Hi Whitney,
These questions are answered in detail through this
https://narcsite.com/the-way-to-goso-get-out-and-stay-out/
Thank you HG I don’t want to right now because of my addiction.
Will you tell me this next week? I don’t fully understand it. (The psychological drive)
One of my questions for Consultation is “Why are we addicted to Narcissists?” I am anxious to find out. I know the answer must be right in front of me, but somehow, I have missed it, and I am not understanding why we have such a dangerous and unhealthy addiction. I know we do, but I don’t know why we do.
https://narcsite.com/the-way-to-goso-get-out-and-stay-out/
Thank you
I don’t know…
I don’t feel the need to go no contact with most narcissists, because they don’t come directly to me for harassment/hoovering (a few exceptions). The ones related to me by family don’t strike directly. They smear. They triangulate. And the injured 3rd party is the one who calls crying. As far as friends, colleagues, IPPSs and IPSSs: there are rarely hoovers. There have been a few exceptions in my life with romantic interests. Looking back, I’ve wanted to re-explore those roads because they are stimulating. Entertaining. Risky. Interaction triggers a “brain tickle” that I can’t find elsewhere. I want to spar with it, challenge it, hurt it, play with it, titillate it, see it get frustrated, watch it implode and lash out, and be satisfied when it comes back for more. Narcs rarely do. The more intelligent ones may hold a grudge, if rejected, and come back to try to retaliate by breaking hearts later. I’ve had some lessers come back, but if they weren’t fun I am not tempted.
I’m curious how a narc can go back to the same person over and over and beg forgiveness? And how the empath finds it possible to keep re-accepting a moocher in their lives? The narc will keep cheating. The target will keep forgiving. But why with each other, and not the gazillion IPSSs? 🤷♀️
1. The narcissists need for control, the achievement of the Prime Aims, the sense of ownership and the blinding effect of the narcissism. See also The Four Classes.
2. The victim’s addiction to the narcissist and the impact of emotional thinking.
It is not addiction to the person or even narcissists.
It is the human need for being given to and cared for and cared about that the narcissist hooks into. Narcs have perfected the great fake of this.
By following your advice HG, what we do is learn to identify the red flags of fakery in order to see through the devastating ruse and prevent ourselves from being sucked into hell….or escaping from it.
We learn the importance of boundaries, confronting emotional thinking with brutal reality checks, straightening out our self talk and interpretation of events, and cleaning up damage from our past that creates vulnerabilities.
It is possible to get to a point where the narc and whatever he/she does stops mattering. It’s when you really matter to yourself, when you’ve adopted the healthy mental framework, and you don’t waste your mental or emotional time on them or their efforts to entangle anymore.
Zero impact.
1. The addiction does not arise from the human need to care and/or be cared for, but that is one trait behind the addiction of many.
2. Correct re red flags.
3. Boundaries are actually not necessary. Evasion is.
4. Emotional Thinking is the Enemy Within and must be conquered.
5. yes it is entirely possible and this gets you there https://narcsite.com/zero-impact/
My boundaries are getting better in general though. This is important. Example—no reciprocated flirting with obviously problematic men. That is a boundary. I can’t evade entirely that it happens in the first place.
HG
Apropos of the concepts and comments here on this thread, and also in relation to the upcoming presentation of yours about R Kelly, have you seen the excellent documentary about human trafficking “Red Light, Green Light”?
You’d find it engrossing, as it describes the N-targeting of (mostly) women who are at the bottom rung of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and are therefore vulnerable to being scammed/seduced.
Their basic needs and more are promised to be met, then comes the coercive control, the random reinforcement, and….. endgame achieved…..
Trauma bonded victim!
N-perpetrators sit, power-tripping, and count their growing pile of cash from exploiting their human appliances.
Your thorough work “Sitting Target” supports the research findings presented in “Red Light Green Light”.
I support anti-human trafficking work, and so it’s a subject that is close to my heart.
Having your information and insights as part of my perspective on life, I now find that watching documentaries such as this is an enriched experience.
Your thoughts about it would be welcome, as always.
It would be an interesting topic of discussion among your readers here too, if they’re able to access it online, as it encompasses the whole N/E dynamic.
No, I have not seen it Caroline R. I shall have to look into it and add it to the list.
HG
Lovely! Thank you!
Leslie
Good points!
Since I heard it explained that we are hardwired for our ‘Agreeableness’ and ‘Conscientiousness’ traits, and that we are designed to derive great pleasure and fulfilment from closeness, love, deep connection and intimacy, it was the heretofore missing piece of the puzzle as to why things are as they are in my life, and everything fell into place.
Sandra L Brown and Rhonda Freeman (WNAAD Survivors’ Empowerment Telesummit 2019) explained that we who are supertraited for these characteristics, are biologically driven to seek the rewards that come from the attainment of these things.
We aren’t addicted per se, when we have yet to experience them, or even if we have experienced them, but we are deeply motivated to seek them.
It’s an inherent human behaviour, and operates at a subconscious level.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs shows us that our first requirements as humans are physiological. Until we meet those primary needs, we cannot meet the next level needs in the Hierarchy.
The next tier is ‘safety and protection’.
This again is not part of an addictive process, but the hardwiring of a normal human being, child or adult.
Healthy, straight women particularly require this need to be met with a long-term partner. The female orgasm is a relaxation response, after all.
Being made to feel safe and protected by a man is part of our hardwiring for what creates sexual attraction, especially those of us ‘Negotiator’ personality type women who are irresistible to, and irresistibly drawn to, ‘Director’ personality type men (Dr Helen Fisher’s research findings).
Which brings me to my next point, the one closest to my heart: ‘love and belonging’ are the next requirements for an individual to flourish.
This need comes before ‘esteem’ needs, and before the apex of ‘self’ actualization’.
So, what of love and belonging as a basic human need?
Through the process of trial and error, we have learned what stimulates the reward/pleasure centres of our brains. It starts from the time that the newborn baby is first put on the breast. It continues until our last breath.
It’s what produces powerful neuroplastic changes in our brains, essential for human development and achievement.
This is the same feedback mechanism that shapes N-brains and drives N-behaviour.
Anticipation of reward is a powerful, and the preferred, driver of behaviour.
Avoidance of pain and punishment is also powerful, but isn’t the main topic of this short discussion.
I felt pleased and relieved to have my supertraited personality described in positive terms by the WNAAD panellists.
HG has listed many of these ‘Agreeableness’ and ‘Conscientiousness’ character traits, but because it’s presented as ‘the sins of the empath’, (negative, critical, belittling) I have a natural aversion to reading those articles that he’s written, as they are the very traits by which Ns have mistreated me. They have been trampled on and abused, and have been hijacked for my enslavement and downfall.
I’ve had a lifetime of being made to feel ‘not good enough’ by Ns, and I’m intolerant of it in HG’s writing, though I’m fairly well persuaded (on the sum of his work and from his interactions with us) that he didn’t intend it to be belittling, but enlightening.
Until HG retitles those ‘sins of the empath’ articles and videos, they will provoke indignant feelings in me, and I’ll avoid them. Fortunately I have ‘Sitting Target’ in my library. I’m not given cause to feel indignant reading that.
Thank you again for your interesting thoughts.