A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 79

 

A LETTER TO THE j

Dear Narcissist,
Something was always off but I couldn’t for the life of me figure it out. For years I tried to improve myself and to prove to you what real love is about. No matter how much I did and no matter how much we had you could never be happy. There was always this vast inner void that could never be filled.
You were wonderful and charming in the beginning. Everything a single mother and woman would want. Helpful and caring a father figure who wanted a family. You were the easy and most obvious choice for me. My friends thought I was living a Cinderella story.
Everything was an illusion, it fell apart quickly. Since this was my second marriage I was determined to keep this mess of a marriage going. This was the biggest lie and mistake of my life. You do not comprehend love.  You did do some grand gestures along the way that kept me hanging on.
In the end you all but tore apart a family and all that I held sacred. It took me years to figure out this mess. All that is Holy meant nothing. You are loyal to no one not even yourself.
Even though I feel nothing now your greatest impact on me is that I don’t trust myself and my feelings. I second guess things over think things . I’m terrified of meeting another monster such as yourself.  Narcissists are the living breathing monsters that walk amongst us looking for their next empath to feed on.
J
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6 Comments

  1. This could be written by me, except it was my third marriage. All of the behaviors I had with him were behaviors I already had, though. I didn’t do anything new for him, it just brought it forward into my consciousness in a very real way. Not that anything he did is my fault, but I’m thinking some part of me brought him into my life so I could clear away the festering from old wounds. I just want to have fun, man, I don’t want to have to deal with this old crap, but here it is, and here I go, thank you narcissist for bringing it to a head.

    Get this…I was at the resort where I married narc enjoying their free tequila toast with the new bf, and my dad texts me asking what I’m doing there, if I’m getting married again. Nice little dig there out of the blue from the mid-ranger I’m related to. I couldn’t stop myself, I sent him a dig back. The next day he sent my brother some texts blasting him for his choices in a group family chat. Way to go, Dad. We’re all just over him by now.

  2. Pinkolas Estes says you were on a journey – a destination- to which you never arrived. There’s a lot to be said for pinning these things down to your life map. Lay them to rest. Keep moving forward.
    Trust your intuition, your gut, your knowledge. You’ll figure it out.

    1. I try to look at it all as a crazy adventure. I own my part in it for staying so long and making excuses for inexcusable behavior. I’ve learned so much. I just wish I’d have figured it out long ago. This should have ended in the second year not year 21.

  3. The narc gives just the smallest amount of something “good” to keep you there, and only when absolutely necessary for the cycle to continue. I’m glad she made it out.

  4. I trust myself more than ever !! Now that I now , that “they ” exist !! First time, I was unaware! Something like that , happen only once …( My opinion !!) . I’m warned now…👍🏻

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