The Mid Range Narcissist’s Seduction Mindset (And What Is Really Happening)
I do so enjoy being kind. I want to shower you with acts of generosity, concern and kindness when I first meet you. You are so special and only I can really see that that is the case. Other people have tried to crush the warmth and love inside you, trampling on your like some rare and delicate flower. Not me. I want to pick you and place you inside a jar, shielded from the toxicity of the world. I can nourish you, water you and let you enjoy the warmth from the light than shines from me. I can sense that you have been let down and hurt before. You do not deserve that. Someone as wonderful as you, someone as delicate and giving as you deserves far better. You can rest now though. The search is over. You have found me. I will take care of you now. Nothing will ever trouble you again. I will do so much for you and why not? I am blessed to have found you, but do you know what? We deserve one another. I have been looking for someone like you all my life, someone who I can dedicate myself to. A person I can protect, love and make happy. That is all I have ever wanted. I know I am surrounded by these trappings of success, that I am in demand from many people who want to be involved with me and share my radiance. It is flattering and humbling at the same time. I am not interested in any of that however. I just want to share my life with someone who I can cherish and worship. Now I can.
(The Mid Range Narcissist thinks he cares and has sufficient cognitive empathy to use the words and gestures to convey what appears to be a caring, protective mindset. Note the repeated returns to self (glimpses of grandiosity) as the MRN appears as some kind of white knight, a saviour, a shielding angel, but then that is waved away by supposed humility, although this is false humility. The MRN instinctively recognises that the victim has most likely suffered before (thus this target is easier to seduce) and can select the right words to appear compassionate, caring and decent. There is no reference to partnership, to equality – the MRN truly thinks he is the saviour and is a decent individual. He believes he cares (although he does not) and he sees an opportunity to continue his ‘good works’ but the victim is just a project in the grand scheme of the MRN, an object which is being brought under control through words and supposed compassion. The MRN is infatuated with the victim because he believes he has found someone he can invest in and that his needs (although he does not know what they truly are) will now be met. He has high hopes indeed for this person.
I know you have walked a hard and winding road. Those scuffed boots you wear, with holes and the sole hanging off bear testament to that. Not once have you complained of course. That is not your way. You need not take another step though because I will carry you. I will lift you up and with one firm foot planted in front of the other I will carry you away and onwards towards our joint destination. It is a wonderful place. I will whisper in your ear as I carry you and tell you all about how I have made this beautiful paradise. I have created it just for you and I. It is our sanctuary where nobody can find us and nobody can harm us. Sounds idyllic doesn’t it?
(The MRN continues his extension of gallant knight. He instinctively recognises the dedicated nature of this victim, someone who puts other before themselves and instinctively this appeals to his need to take, take, take – however he does not recognise this and believes that he is being a good, kind person by offering to take the burden away from the victim. This however is control. The victim is being denied the choice to struggle on, to make their own decisions. Though the gesture appears noble, it is actually placing the victim in chains. Further, the whispers of a promised land a sanctuary again reaffirms in the MRN’s mind that he is doing a good deed when actually he is spinning the illusion to ensnare the victim and it shows how the victim is about to be isolated from support networks and indeed their own self-reliance ‘You don’t need anybody but me, I have a sanctuary just for us.’ It sounds special but it is actually a prison.)
I want to soothe your fevered brow, I want to hold your hand when you are frightened and I want to see you smile because of me. I want to be the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you fall asleep. I want to love you, care for you, hold you and protect you. I will fetch and carry for you, I will crawl over broken glass just to hand you a cup of water to quench your thirst.
(More poetic gallantry designed to overwhelm the victim who can finally give up the last vestiges of control conned by this supposed saviour. Note the repeated use of want – this shows the MRN’s absolute slavish dedication to having his needs met, but it is obscured behind a sheen of apparent care and compassion. Once again this shows the absolute need and desire (unconsciously) for control and isolation of the victim. The narcissist wants to do everything for the victim (easy to say now, but won’t be maintained through actions beyond the golden period) which is actually about making the victim reliant on the narcissist and isolated from any potential external interferences that will eradicate the control the narcissist needs.)
I want you to feel bombarded by my innate kindness, swamped by my good nature and overwhelmed by my fair intentions. I want to deliver to you every minute of every day my warmth and kindness so that it becomes all you know.
(Further apparent beautiful intentions but this is actually demonstrating how the narcissist wishes to absorb, conquer and overwhelm the victim. The victim becomes paralysed by apparent kindness only to surrender any notion of free will. From this point onwards there would be nothing more said by the MRN in this seductive speech which represents his or her overall mindset. The words that follow are what the narcissist is unconsciously thinking and if said out loud would likely generate concern as they are red flags, of course, emotional thinking would likely be so high the red flags would be ignored.)
I want you to become dependent on my charity, my largesse and my generosity.
(Your dependence makes you easier to control. I own you. You are an object. This is what the MRN unconsciously thinks.)
I want you to become hopelessly addicted to my love, my desire and my presence.
(Your addiction imprisons you.)
I want to see myself in your eyes and nothing else.
(Control and grandiosity through omnipotence)
I want to hear my words spoken by your tongue. I want you to mimic everything that I do so that when I point, you point and when I nod, you nod.
(You are my puppet now.)
I want my campaign of kindness to obliterate every semblance of what you once were. I want to destroy what once existed and replace it with my design and my desires.
(You are mine now. The old you is gone.)
I want to murder who you were and resurrect my creation in your place. I want to kill you with kindness.
20 thoughts on “The Mid Range Narcissist’s Seduction Mindset (And What Is Really Happening)”
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HG
again i am commenting here the possibility of this one here being a Mid Ranger, because of his gradiose promises and fantastical love declarations.
In facts he wasc able to keep me hang on in limbo with just words for the last 4 years… he is a words wizard.. he has always been…
of course after the original devaluation he can also use vile cruel words now to wound when he rages.
He calls himself the Magnificient Exaulted Great ****** ( his name)
This is so dead on. Of course we didn’t make it out of the first paragraph phase but now it’s so easy to see how the stage was being set. He identified my “suffering” as lack of attention at home. He even pointed out how pleased he was by my positive reactions to all his praise and flattery and commented on how he can TELL I’m not hearing these things at home, and I should be.
Also the false humility was a huge hook. That worked like a charm on me. Here was this “tough” handsome man who had this brash exterior, often boasted…showing me his belly – showing me his softer, humble side. LOL!! 🤦♀️ Right.
I also noticed the “repeated returns to self” very early on, but ignored that flag. I also had a hard time putting that into words. I would say/think, he doesn’t seem at all bothered or concerned by how I think or what I want, I seem to fit his need and that is all that matters.
Not my first time with this one but great piece, HG. I’ll say it again, you really need a recurring segment in a women’s publication. Do you not have an agent?!
Yes I do need such a place and in a national newspaper also. I am considering the issue of an agent however I need to address some PR material that has been prepared for me separately.
Would you want to be tied down to the obligation of a weekly article, HG? I would love to see your work mainstream, but I wouldn’t want to see it at the cost of your creativity.
That sounds like a prison sentence to me. I despise deadlines and rebel against them. It’s the irony of being me. I am impatient with everybody but myself. I let myself get away with all kinds of shit. I really should work on giving me a swift kick in the ass.
I have hundreds available already, probably 10 years’ worth of weekly articles.
I didn’t even think of that HG. I was imagining an ‘Ask HG’ column or a column discussing narcissism as it relates to current events. I really don’t know where my brain has been this week! Thank you for answering my stupid question.
Not a stupid question MB! Stop beating yourself up this week sweetie, you’re beginning to sound like me! 😉🥰
Oh HG you should go for the gusto!! Get an agent and take the world by storm!!! It’s your time!!
Thank you FM1T.
You are welcome HG. As much as I want you to take the world by storm HG, It also saddens me because I know the demand of your time and knowledge will change all that you do now, which probably means the blog. So it’s bittersweet but still what I want for you my friend!! Give em hell HG!! 🥰
‘Boris Johnson was re-employed by the Daily Telegraph on a salary of £275,000 a year for his weekly column, it has been revealed’.
HG, do it now. You are worth a trillion pounds compared to this buffoon xxx
MB and FM1T
I noticed that bit of negative self-talk of MB’s too.
Excellent work FM1T with your kind words and gentle perspective-reset for MB.
Well done!
I had to work hard on doing that for myself.
It’s part of deconstructing the gaslighting that we were subjected to.
We’ve internalized the messages:
that our thoughts and opinions are invalid,
that our questions and concerns are a source of conflict with the N-parent, and therefore are invalid, that we deserve poor treatment and disrespect,
that we deserve to be belittled and put down, so the N-parent feels better about themselves.
The N-parent exacts retribution on us to gain control, by witholding affection or lashing out in sudden rage (I HATE this! Just because a child asks a question?!)
We become conditioned, just like a gentle little dog will do with an aggressive bigger dog…they get down and assume the submissive posture…the “don’t bite me! I’m no threat to you” posture.
These messages are now felt at a subconscious level, and we react to them without thinking.
The shame is triggered, and to reduce the tension of it, and to deflect further retribution and emotional pain from the N-parent, we put ourselves down.
This happens even when the N-parent isn’t here.
Even when they’re dead!
For myself, I needed to become aware of it, as a starting point to overcome it.
I needed to notice when I spoke negatively about myself, and also what were its triggers.
I realised that it was inappropriate to treat myself with disrespect, even though that was normalised behaviour in my family.
Why should I do the N’s dirty work for them?
What’s the narcsite acronym?
You can FTSSH?
There’s no such thing as a “stupid question”.
All questions show intelligence, and are to be welcomed, not seen as a threat or a criticism.
They are a means of clarifying, and increasing understanding.
For myself, I decided to act in accordance with my convictions: that I deserved kindness and respect. I was the adult in charge of me now, and it was great!
I could trust me.
It brings us peace when we behave in harmony with our convictions.
I did have to wrestle with the loud constant noise of critical N-Mother’s voice that was on continuous loop in my head.
I’d do this when I was alone.
For the better part of two years I actively dismantled that monstrosity that had been installed in my thoughts.
With every criticism, every angry attack etc, that would come to my mind, I’d say out loud “No!”, “You’re a liar!”, “That’s utter BS!”, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”, “That’s inappropriate!”, “That’s illogical nonsense!”, and even the calm but forcefully said “F**K off!”
Hence my term for it: “N-Mother Tourette’s”
Let’s have only kind words to ourselves now.
Let’s speak to ourselves as we would to someone else that we love.
It’s what we deserve: kindness and respect.
Caroline R, thank you. I like what you said about being the adult in charge of me now and I can trust me. That resonated.
Caroline R, Excellent comment. Well done on talking back to your critical inner voice. Outside of reading about this in some research, yours is the first account I’ve seen of someone who worked that out. I’m very happy for you that you purged that toxic crap from your thoughts.
Yup, that’s a spot on breakdown from the onset of the mid range narc experience. They will be the one to be the best thing for you; friend, lover, protector… soon enough the facade cracks. And how dare you ask for the person he presented himself as… you emotional, mad, rubbish-spewing woman 😂. That person you first met and grew to love never existed. There’s only the equivalent of a bag of cold stones now where he once stood. There will be no comfort, no friendship, no love.
Of all the narcs….I’m still in love with the MR. When he mirrored me there was no looking away. There was nothing like it. When stranger mode came he was gone and I can’t even describe what took his place. The “Why does he seem so odd?” article explains it but the title is diff now.
I read diligently everything about the MR so as to not forget what he really is. He’s boot stomped my No Contact with pitiful episodes of “self reflection.” I still miss him even though I hate it and I know better. Bollocks.
The ULN and the LGN were cold and entitled fucks. They were easy to get over and No Contact brought instant relief. A MR can get close to you and they are more difficult to spot. It was like drug withdrawal when I realized I couldn’t see the MR. Much more difficult. Just my thoughts.
jessnnny: Addiction Symptoms. A couple of nights, my teeth actually chartered during the first stage of my disengagement from the midranger. I lay in bed wondering if teeth chattering were symptomatic of having a heart attack, but I was too exhausted to even think of going to the hospital. The double bind. When morning arrived, I looked up the symptoms regarding teeth chattering on the Internet and found it is a symptom of extreme stress. I was relieved. Many say one can not be addicted to the Narcissist. Really? My goodness.
It’s a shocking state of anxiety. You know you’re in trouble.
I hadnt noticed all of the slices he took out of me.
This is eerily spot on and was a cold haunt….I mean jaunt through it all again. It was a good time for this article to pop up. I’m grateful for this blog.
Very good point awarded to hg yet again