Sex : How The Narcissist Views Sex and the Role It Plays In Your Entanglement

H.G Tudor - Sex And The Narcissist e-book cover.jpg

No holds barred and no strings attached

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform

Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

AUS e-book here

Also available in paperback on Amazon

This is classified as adult material and search filters may need adjustment.

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60 Comments

  1. Dearest HG: There was a knock on my apartment door-I opened and my book arrived: Sex and the Narcissist! The Book Cover and its Artistry and Color and Smoothness is absolutely Beautiful. The cover has that Traditional and Classical symmetry that I appreciate, along with its Esoteric topic and Cool overall presentation. Of course it would. I did like the original cover as well. I could not restrain myself, and I am already reading it, and I admire how brave you are to be so truthful about this topic, even telling us about yourself, as well. Thank you. It is just amazing to look inside the minds of other people in such a manner. I do not find the book as frightening or alarming, as some fear, rather it is more like: if one landed on another world, of course one would desire an information session and an orientation course, so to speak, to understand how people think and feel and operate on this different world, yes? The more one learns about this new world, the better life one can live. The world of the Narcissist. HG, one day, in the fullness of time, will you plan to have a question and answer session on Narcsite, or elsewhere where we can ask some questions about what we are reading in this book, and perhaps some of your other books, also? This book is a dazzling read. What a peek inside. How incredibly illuminating. I took a break from reading it to congratulate you. And, HG, I do not know how you manage it, but the book reads with that same familiar intimacy as your audios sound. BRAVO.

  2. Dearest HG: Do you sing like Tom Jones on Karaoke, HG? In Japan they have males working as platonic Sheep Boys and platonic Weeping Boys to help single women enjoy their lives better, and now I have a great idea: they can have platonic Karaoke Boys. Too bad I can not market this idea. I bet the profession Karaoke Boys would bring in a fortune. They have to be nice looking and smell good and come to your house and sing maybe 5 of your preselected favorite songs via Karaoke to a female or a female and her friends and cook dinner for the woman or women, before the performance, and then tell the women about their lives, and answer questions about themselves after the performance: Karaoke Boys. $2000.00 minimum per evening.

        1. My voice is ridiculous I hate listening to myself, not to mention the strong accent that I’m not aware of having until I hear myself. I was just interviewed for a podcast and I don’t even want to listen to the final recording. I love karaoke but that’s because I don’t have any shame after a couple of drinks.

          1. My 11 year old is the one with the voice of an angel—truly. It’s a gift. She is a soprano with a beautiful tone. All of the children have had forced piano lessons—the only one that likes it is my son. Music education is not optional—all children need some form of torture.

      1. Dearest HG: Wow. I placed my order: One: Karaoke Boy. Date: 2 weeks from now, Thursday afternoon/evening. Karaoke Request: 5 Tom Jones songs. Karaoke Boy Cologne Brand: Creed. Karaoke Boy Dress: Traditional-Esoteric-Cool. Menu: Whatever the Karaoke Boy can cook well (bypassing my and my guests` dietary restrictions per your request): Drink: Per preference of The Karaoke Boy. Number in Party. Myself and two bests friends (3). Fee agreed upon: $2,5OO.OO. —Princess Super Empath, please know that we are much honored and we thank you for your gracious order and we are very sure that you will have a most enjoyable afternoon and evening with our most in demand and most impressive Karaoke Boy. You are a valued first time customer and we appreciate your business and patronage. And, kindly inform us of your experience at your convenience as we continue to improve our quality at the highest level for our highly respected and valuable customers. Enjoy your evening Princess Super Empath and your 2 best friends.

          1. MB: You are of course welcome to attend our Karaoke Boy evening. Please let me know if you are able to attend, at your earliest convenience, so that I can register you as my guest. MB, this Karaoke Boy is very much in demand and is very advanced, and will not be available to us for another year at the earliest, because of his bookings. So please attend if possible.

          2. Thank you for the invite PSE. I must decline though. I learned my lesson the hard way referring to HG as “boy”. No,
            No, no, I don’t want any part of this. You do know HG is the demander and not the demandee right? Y’all have fun with that. I’ll look forward to hearing about it from a safe distance!

          3. MB: No worries!!! This is a platonic event, as you see above where I mentioned Sheep Boys and Weeping Boys and now Karaoke Boys. I believe the Japanese use the word `Boy` in these cases to impress the fact that these are platonic events, so they defer from saying `Man` for that reason in a cultural sort of implication. And, it is not at all derogatory. Just like saying someone is my boyfriend or girlfriend is not derogatory for adults to say in the U.S. Sort of like in America there is a difference in saying this is my boyfriend, than saying this is my male friend. However, conversely in this example, it is actually the boy in in the intimate relationship, the boyfriend. And the male friend is usually not. And I never actually said the Karoke Boy was HG. hahaha. And such professions really go on in Japan. I saw one time on a documentary, that you could hire a rock star like date, as well. With a man that was much more hip than the traditional Japanese man, and he would go somewhere with you and your girlfriends, and speak with the hosts and hostesses and Maitre D`s on your behalf, all evening, and he would know what wine and drinks and food to order and how to carry himself on behalf of your group, in a more interesting and stylized manner. And he would keep the conversation going in a lively manner so that you could feel less self conscious and conspicuous in public and also so that any of the women that are shy in your group, could enjoy themselves more. And he would be a male addition to your entourage in clubs and such places. I forgot what the profession was called, in this case. Sort of like a hip cool patron, for you and your girlfriends to go out with and set the scene for you. And he is paid for that. Very well paid. I seem to remember around $3,000.00 for the evening/night outing. Sometimes you would hire more than one as well, for your group for your evening out, but it starts becoming very very expensive. One or 2 is the average that is hired. They have to be very well dressed, but sort of cool, and very suave, and socially skilled and aware of the social scene in their city, and good conversationalists so that you and your girlfriends can feel comfortable and protected and lively in a public entertainment or dinner environment. And take truly happy selfies, if one desires. One such `Boy` was saying it was expensive to stay at the top in this profession. And that he was tired a lot of the times for going out so much, because that sort of scene is draining. But, he said he still loved it better than any other job he could find and it paid well. All Platonic. Platonic and non-Platonic is emphasized strongly in these professions in Japan. For each company’s reputation. And to not receive the ire and backlash and legal suits of the families of some of these women.

          4. PSE, no need to hire these knowledgeable and outgoing men, just take a narc along for the evening and pay in fuel! They turn the fun up to 11 so I hear and I believe it.

      1. strongerwendyme

        I’m not sure if your comment was made to me, but if it was, you seem to have taken my comment to mean something that I didn’t say.

        My main point was the marketability of this book in HG’s voice in audiobook format, with a view to bringing all of his books out on audio.

        I have his insightful and informative YouTube videos on a playlist, and I have always enjoyed audiobooks.
        My point was to bring these two things together.

        “Ch-ching!” for HG. $$$ £££

        I don’t have any of the videos that depress me on my playlist (like ‘crazed’, or ‘sins of the empath’, ‘you wear guilt’, ‘asylum of the grotesque’ or ‘you should’) or any that trigger memories of violence or that emotionally hurt me.
        I don’t listen to any that describe the exploitation of the target in a way that makes me sad or angry, with the exception of ‘in the end it has to hurt’.
        Actually SATN makes me sad too, because I’m reminded that it never is and never will be about bonding, closeness or love with a N in a romantic relationship.
        What a waste of a sexy man!

        I don’t listen to any of HG’s videos with salacious intentions.
        They’re for the benefit of my intellect, my career, and for healing.

        HG is favoured with many natural gifts, and he’s put them to good use.
        His well-modulated voice and writing ability are two such gifts.

        I have always loved being read to.
        I enjoy the intellectual stimulation of being read material that takes time to assimilate, that gives me good food for thought, and that with subsequent ‘readings’ (listenings), brings new aspects of the topic to light for further consideration.

        I prefer it when the author is the narrator, as he/she reads with conviction and with the right inflection; it really ‘makes’ the listening experience.
        The talented author plus his/her attractive, evocative voice gives it impact.

        I found ‘SATN’ rivetting, and in some parts nauseating and utterly repulsive, but it’s a highly valuable work in its own right.
        It’s ground breaking, and a world-first for explaining clearly and exactly what sex and sexual behaviour mean to a N with regard to his victims/relationships/behaviour.

        It’s a book whose meaning and value is only enhanced when the reader considers it along with the content of ‘Fuel’, ‘Sitting Target’, ‘Fury’, and ‘Manipulated’.
        They’re different facets of the same diamond.

        My most recent reading of it was done from the perspective of gaining a sense of detachment while healing from sexual assault, both from childhood and adulthood.
        With counselling, and by seeing the behavioural motivations as fuel-based from the personality disordered, I can work through the pain, shame and the sublimated anger.

        Some days the sadness of so many failed N-romances washes over me, but I know now that they were all doomed from the outset. I now know why I felt objectified.

        Finally, my thoughts today have been that if I was wealthy, I would love to get a copy of SATN into the hands of every person rescued from sex trafficking. SATN, ‘Sitting Target’, ‘Fury’, ‘Fuel’, and ‘Manipulated’ would be a good start.
        These cover the whole Narcissistic Abuse cycle, the N/E doomed dynamic, and explain the process of trauma bonding like nothing else.

        There are a few other respected authors I’d add, but don’t need to mention now.
        It would add value to the lives of those shattered individuals, while they’re healing and rebuilding.
        It would help relieve the burden of pain and shame that they feel post escape.

        1. Well stated Caroline. I like being read to as well! Sometimes, when I need a bedtime story, I look up HG. Strongerwendy suffers from the same affliction I do. HG voice infatuation. I can’t wait for the audiobooks to happen.

          1. HG
            I’ll bet your Sex Bomb annihilates. I’d also bet Tom Jones is a raging narc despite staying with the same woman for 60 yrs. If that’s correct, it just solidifies that they can stay in a relationship long term if their prime aims are being met and they have a good fuel matrix (not that it’s good for the partner). Lot of flags in that relationship if you can believe what you read.

          2. HG
            I bet your Sex Bomb is off the charts. I’d also bet Tom Jones is one of yours and was with his wife 59 yrs. If it’s true that he is, it confirms they can stay in a long term relationship if the Prime Aims are fulfilled and their fuel matrix is sufficient. Lot of red flags flapping there.

          3. A little Tom Jones huh.. Just think of all the eyes on you singing HG!

          4. I imagine it’s quite the night out with HG! I’m still holding out for our narcsite convention.

          5. Caroline R, I think he does sing which would be entertaining. I’m well satisfied by the reading though.

          6. I forgot to mention that I love good podcasts too.

            I love it when my boyfriend reads me something from the book he’s reading, or from the newspaper when we’re out for breakfast.
            Such a turn on!

            One of my earliest ‘being read to’ experiences was in grade 4. We were read ‘The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe’.
            I was in auditory HEAVEN!

            Next memory is our family holiday, we went by luxury sleeper train interstate to the tropical north. Think the ‘.Orient Express’.
            But without the murder.

            N-Mother was always well-fueled on holidays, so no screaming. Probably because she had Dad and us three littlies for constant fuel-flow 24/7.

            So.
            About the story….

            We had an early dinner in the dining car after we’d settled in, and navigated our way back to the rooms we had booked via a swaying train passageway.
            Exciting!

            Dad produced Dickens’ ‘A Christmas Carol’, and started reading….
            “Marley was dead to begin with. There was no doubt about that”

            I was rivetted!
            Tingles of anticipation made every cell in my body sit on the edge of its seat.
            What was this?
            I love it!

            My first ‘adult’ story!

            It was now deliciously sealed in my mind with explosive power, much as when you first see the awesome spectacle of fireworks bursting into the night sky for the first time.

            Dad read the whole book during the journey. We sat on either side of him, cuddled into him quietly, hanging on every word.

            Then it was time to clamber into those bunks that fold out from the wall.
            I slept soundly, rocked by the swaying carriage. Shortly after it seemed I was awakened by the fragrance of toast, and seeing clear morning sunshine streaming through the window. I looked out at vast stretches of farmland, dotted with tiny sheep and cows.

            Childhood magic!

            MB, HG, strongerwendyme, Chi’mum, anyone else who wants to participate….
            What was your first happy memory of being read to?

            Do you have favourite podcasts?
            HG’s interviews are like a one-off podcast.

            What do you listen to on audiobook?

            I need to get to sleep now, it’s after midnight here, but I’ll respond again tomorrow.

            I want to hear your thoughts.

          7. Caroline R, what a wonderful story! I almost felt like I was there on the train with you. Sounds like so much fun. I’ve been thinking about booking a long train trip for myself.

            Anyway, I DO have a story about being read to. Some nights, (it doesn’t seem like anywhere near every night), our father would come in and “tuck us in” which was really more like “settle down in here and go to sleep!” I never remember my mother coming in at bedtime. I’m sure she did, but maybe not memorable? We had a record player in our room and he would turn on the music that we could go to sleep to. There were probably ten different 33 records we could choose from. We “voted” on which we wanted. There were four of us, so sometimes he would have to break the tie. I would often wake up to hear the sound of the needle scratching at the label at the end of the record. The only times I ever remember him reading to us (although surely he did?) was Edgar Allan Poe! He read ‘The Raven’ goodness knows how many times. But what scared the pee out of me was ‘The Tell-Tale Heart”. I really only remember him reading it once and I was terrified! I was probably around 7. He had no where near the voice of HG, but the anticipation! Hanging on every word. Scared to death. How is a little girl to go to sleep after that! Who reads Poe to their little girls at bedtime? It was creepy, but believe it or not, it was a good memory. Our father’s attention was rare. That must be why it made such an impression. I haven’t thought of that in years. I’m going to see if I can find ‘Tell-Tale Heart’ recorded somewhere on YT. If not, I may ask HG to read it to me ❤️

          8. Caroline R
            My mother loved to read and still does, but never read to me. No one ever did. I did develop a love for reading though at an early. I’ve mentioned here before about going to a toy store in town and running my hands over the books. I saved up my paper route money for books – not toys. I have moved to ebooks but not yet audio. I’m happy you had that magical experience and that your enjoyment of being read to has stayed with you. I think Im going to give audio a try because of it, so thank you for raising it. HG was born to do oral…errr…I mean audio, so I look forward to his books in that format.

          9. HG, I need you to do a cover of “I’m too sexy for my shirt” …Please. I even volunteer to do the harmonies. I’ll play the piano as well. Please!

          10. MB
            Thank you for your reply!
            My thought processes are all intense at the moment.
            I appreciate our opportunities to laugh, here.

            I read with interest your comments about ‘Leaving Neverland’ on another thread, and had similar feelings when I viewed that documentary.
            I was rivetted by the Oprah interview too. So many men in the audience that are survivors of assault! It brought tears to my eyes.

            I’m glad that MJ is dead.

            I’m glad that he can’t hurt anyone else now. I agree with you.

            I’m glad that his facade is shattered.
            They could build a sewerage plant over Neverland, and public toilet on MJ’s grave.

            His ‘Off’ the Wall’ and ‘Thriller’ albums are still on my iPod. I didn’t like anything he did after those albums.
            It seems like the man that made those died, and the later creation made in his skin-bleached, perverted ‘likeness’ was another person entirely: a predatory monster.
            And yet it was him too.

            I feel very much for Wade and James. Their story and their courage touches my heart too.

        2. Carlolyn R: HG Tudor recommended a book for me called Outnumbered but Not Outgunned. But, I only ordered his other 2 recommendations, Including the one on this post, because Outnumbered is on Kindle only. I do not have Kindle and I have never bought an Audiobook before. This morning Amazon emailed me, because, I guess when Amazon`a computer saw that I just ordered the 2 other paperbacks, and only looked at Outnumbered but not Outgunned, their logrhythm probably predicts that I do not have a Kindle, so they sent me a free app to purchase and download the book Outnumbered but not Outgunned, but I do not understand this process. And does it work on everyone’s` computer? Have you Carolyn R, or anyone on here ever downloaded and app and then paid for an audiobook to read on an app?

          1. Dearest HG: Ok. Thank you. I plan to attempt this free app from Amazon process soon and then purchase that book. And then I an can proudly inform FYC that I have put another toe in the waters of technology.

          2. A tip—purchasing books on the app can be a cluster. You may need to log in via your browser. I do—customer service confirmed by Amazon. Not sure why but..

          3. PSE, The answer to your question is, yes, the Kindle app will work for you on a computer, tablet and phone (you may need to download the free app on each device if you read on all of them). I have a feeling you will end up loving it. It is very user friendly and adjustable for your reading pleasure. You can even highlight passages (in different colors) and bookmark pages. Best of all, you can have your personal library with you anywhere you go.

          4. PSE
            I also have Amazon’s ‘Audible’ app on my phone/PC for audiobook downloads. I’m waiting for them to increase the number of titles in their vault as I don’t really read novels, except Connelly’s Bosch novels. They’re my favourite beach holiday read.

        3. Carolyn: I posted on this site somewhere a while back, that I would listen to HG Tudor, when I first found him on youtube, for months, in the evening when I took a bath. I would have my iphone propped up on a chair next to the tub while HG explained to me all the thinking of the big bad wolves. It was all so cozy. Good learning. I was shocked when I came over to Narcsite a few months later and saw him talking to all these people on here! I thought he was all `mine.` Hahaha.

          1. PSE
            I totally understand your experience! And I love a bubble bath too.
            So therapeutic!

            I heard psychologist Abdul Saad (Vital Mind Psychology YouTube videos) discussing a particular trait of empaths that they have an easily activated ‘Attachment System’.
            When someone acts to protect us, to care about us, and makes us feel ‘looked after’, as HG does in his YouTube videos, we feel a bonding, a care for, a loyalty to, and a bond with that person.
            Our gratitude easily triggers love and positive caring feelings for that person.

            I’ve become aware of this in myself, and so his insights resonated with me.

            I’ve also become aware of the fact that I’ve been emotionally alone in my family, and so wanting to feel like I belong with another is a source of great vulnerability for me. It’s something that my Empath Inner Warrior stands guard over.

            When I was 24 to 28 years old, I went through a period of N-relationships where I was left with a great deal of emotional pain and confusing longing, disappointed expectations, was strung along, assaulted, stalked, smeared, manipulated, seeing a man that I didn’t want just to get over the man that I did have feelings for, but who suddenly announced his engagement to another woman.
            I realised that my inner vixen HATES oxytocin withdrawal…… it’s a bitch! I decided that I need to give her respect and guard her. I couldn’t allow myself to go through that pain over and over.
            It hurts like hell.

            Since then, I’ve been cautious and not allowed myself to develop feelings for anyone that I don’t have a commitment from. I don’t intentionally stoke the flames of passion either, unless I have a commitment. It makes me feel so deeply lonely otherwise, because it’s not based on reality.

            I decided that I needed to be able to sleep well at night so that I could get up for work the next day, and so that I could pursue my life goals, and that lying awake at 3 in the morning, with heartache that I’ve inflicted on myself was not in my best interests.

            The thought that your comment sparked was that it’s in our best interests to keep a healthy detachment with HG, and to protect our vulnerable hearts, while reaping the benefits of his ‘company’ here at narcsite, on IG, and on YouTube. It’s an undeniable challenge though, as we are so grateful to him.
            He is as you say, our “Dearest HG”.

            He’s familiar, and yet a stranger that we’ve never met. An intriguing dichotomy.

        4. Carolyn: I appreciate how you understand how thereuepitc it all was and is, especially when I had no one to talk to about my work entanglement and all the people that were involved in the entanglement that was comprised of 5 people non stop for 3 years. I should receive a medal in diplomacy, because I earned it. I not once lost my cool externally with any of them. Re: HG Tudor: I believe it is called transference and it occurs plenty in situations with authority figures. They are used to it and do not usually hold it against us. And it usually wanes in time, if not it is a problem. And I am currently isolated because I dropped them all, and I had not realized how many people I actually had to drop to remove myself from that scene. And I thank you for your beautiful insight and reminder: to not let my emotions reach the tipping point unawares of my logic and cause me more duress and distress. And to keep an eye on any runaway emotional thinking, in my life, utilizing step by step and day by day monitoring. Thank you, Carolyn.

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