Three Little Empaths

3 LITTLEEMPATHS

Once upon a time, there were three little empaths who lived with a Wise Old Empath. The Wise Old Empath felt that more good needed to be done in the world, so she sent the three little empaths out in to the world and besides she wanted to be able to binge watch boxsets of Baking With Goodness without interruption. As she waved good bye to the three little empaths she called out,

“Go into the world my little empaths and spread your goodness all around, but please watch out for the narcissists. They are not easy to spot and make sure you all build a good home on the foundation of no contact. There is only one architect you should look for, he is called Hurt God.”

“We will!” chorused the three little empaths as they headed off into the world. The three little empaths soon set about commencing their good works and it was not long before pods of gay blind whales were being saved, a GoFundMe account was up and running for Oppressed Men with Beards and of Diminished Stature and  Crochet ‘Cos U Care Clubs sprang up across the land.

Yet, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth as each of the three little empaths fell foul to the lure of The Narcissist. After Glorious Golden Periods and Devilish Devaluations, the three little empaths each made an escape bid.

The first little empath was scurrying along the yellow brick road seeking to escape her narcissist as she remembered the words of the Wise Old Empath.

“I need to build a house founded on no contact. W.O.E told me to find Hurt God but that sounds like such hard work and I was hoping to bake some Gullible Tarts this afternoon, oh what am I to do?”

Just then a woman rounded the yellow brick road.

“Hello first little empath, did I hear you need to build a House of No Contact?” she asked.

“Yes, yes I do, who are you?” asked the first little empath.

“I am Hysterical Tirade, I know about no contact,” replied the woman.

“You do?” asked the first little empath with enthusiasm, “I was told to use the architect Hurt God, but that sounds like hard work finding him.”

“Oh, it is and he is not a pleasant man, you do not want to use his work. My work is really just a personal rant about the narcissist that ensnared me, but don’t let that distract you from how brilliant my advice is. Here take this book.”

“Oh, thank you so much, now I can build my House of No Contact and do some baking.” And the first little empath used the book provided by Hysterical Tirade to build a House of No Contact on the spot where she was stood.

Not much later, as the first little empath was rolling the pastry for the Gullible Tarts she heard a familiar voice.

“Little emp, little emp, let me come in!”

It was an ogre of a Lesser Narcissist!

“Shove it douchebag!” shouted the first little empath defiantly.

“Then I will shout and I will scream and I will make a huge din so I can ensure I hoover you straight back in!” cried the Lesser Narcissist.

The first little empath smiled for she was in a House of No Contact but then she paused as she felt a cold hand of dread about her throat.

“Er, how did you find me?” she asked.

“Ha ha,” laughed the Lesser Narcissist, “look next door.”

The first little empath looked out of the window and saw across the garden was the man she knew as Lou Tenant waving back at her with a sardonic grin.

“Damn!” cursed the first little empath, “Hysterical Tirade’s Guide to the House of No Contact said nothing about building next to the House of Lou Tenant.”

“What a shame,” smiled the Lesser Narcissist as he strolled up behind the first little empath, slung her over his shoulder and set off back to Narc Town, leaving the First House of No Contact to crumble behind them.

 

The second little empath was hurrying along the road paved with gold seeking to escape her narcissist as she remembered the words of the Wise Old Empath.

“I need to build a house founded on no contact. W.O.E told me to find Hurt God but that sounds like such hard work and I was hoping to knit some Hats of Eternal Hope this afternoon, oh what am I to do?”

Just then a man rounded a corner of the road paved with gold.

“Hello second little empath, did I hear you need to build a House of No Contact?” he asked as he adjusted his vest and gave a smile.

“Yes, yes I do, who are you?” asked the second little empath.

“I am Smooth Amateur, I know about no contact,” replied the man.

“You do?” asked the second little empath with enthusiasm, “I was told to use the architect Hurt God, but that sounds like hard work finding him.”

“Oh, it is and he is a psychopath you know so he is a pathological liar, you do not want to use his work. My work is really just a collection of some fairly good ideas to essentially make me look like a hero whilst not really conveying the reality, but don’t let that distract you from how brilliant my advice is. Here take this book.”

“Oh, thank you so much, now I can build my House of No Contact and do some knitting.” And the second little empath used the book provided by Smooth Amateur to build a House of No Contact on the spot where she was stood.

Not much later, as the second little empath was knitting busily in her parlour she heard a familiar voice.

“Little emp, little emp, let me come in!”

It was a cowardly Mid-Range Narcissist!

“Beat it loser!” shouted the second little empath defiantly.

“Then I will plead and I will cajole and I will smear you with sin, so I can ensure I hoover you straight back in!” cried the Mid-Range Narcissist.

The second little empath smiled for she was in a House of No Contact but then she paused as she felt a cold hand of dread about her throat.

“Wait how did you know I would be here?” she asked

“You’ve been plastering yourself all over BaseFuck, Twatter, NarcMagnet and Plenty of Narcs, you gave plenty of detail about what you are doing and where and you did not block me,” smiled the Mid Range Narcissist with an oily grin.

“Damn!” cursed the second little empath, “Smooth Amateur’s Guide to the House of No Contact said nothing about staying off social media and blocking you.”

“What a shame,” smiled the Mid-Range Narcissist, “but it’s not all bad, after all, you should be looking after me now,” as he strolled up behind the second little empath, took her by the hand and set off back to Narc Town, leaving the Second House of No Contact to crumble behind them.

 

The third little empath was scurrying along the road to hell paved with good intentions seeking to escape her narcissist as she remembered the words of the Wise Old Empath.

“I need to build a house founded on no contact. W.O.E told me to find Hurt God and by the lack of hairs on my smooth chinny chinny chin chin I will find this mysterious Hurt God” she declared with resolve.

So the third little empath walked the road to hell paved with good intentions and was repeatedly offered books, videos and seminars on how to build the Ultimate House of No Contact by many people. She ignored various providers, such as Miss Unsupported Bonkers Theory, Unduly Esoteric Explanation Man, Hopelessly Rambling Victim, Mr Nice But Narc, Miss Tie Twenty Crystals Around Your Forehead and other well-meaning but ultimately ineffective purveyors of advice.

The third little empath grew weary and as the sun began to set, she feared that she would not be able to build a House of No Contact on Hurt God’s foundation before her narcissist caught up with her.

Just then the third empath turned a corner of the road and there was a tall, slim man who immediately exuded an air of malevolent menace. She could not see his features against the brightness of the sinking sun but the darkness which flowed from him made her feel wary and unsettled.

“Hello third little empath, did I hear you need to build a House of No Contact?” he asked in a voice which was authoritative and beguiling.

“Yes, yes I do, but I should not talk to strangers and certainly not ones as magnetic as you,” said the third little empath.

“Very sensible,” laughed the mysterious stranger and the third little empath was both aroused and repulsed, “but you need not worry, you are but a tertiary source and I have more proximate empaths to toy with. Here, take this, it will serve you excellent well,” and with that the stranger pressed a book into the shaking hands of the third little empath before he strode away whistling “A Hunting We Will Go” to himself.

The third little empath looked at the book and saw the title “Hurt God’s Ultimate House of No Contact” and she promptly fainted.

Some time later the third little empath came to and recalled her brief encounter with Hurt God. She saw the book still nearby and snatched it up and immediately set about digesting its content.

Even more time later, the third little empath was settling down to watch an episode of ‘Narcland’s Got Empaths’ when there was chime from her mobile phone. She saw a notification from her NarcCam and opened up the application. She watched transfixed as she saw a shadowy figure moving towards a house, caught on a concealed NarcCam.

“Goodness, it is the Greater Narcissist!” declared the third little empath. She sat in her comfortable armchair and watched remotely as the figure strolled with complete confidence up to a well-appointed house.

“He has come to hoover me!” announced the third little empath. The camera had sound and vision and she could hear the Greater Narcissist saying smoothly,

“Little emp, little emp, let me come in.”

“No way buster,” said the third little empath.

The Greater strode up the steps on to the porch in full view of the camera and turned and looked straight into the lens. He gave a radiant smile and said,

“Oh don’t be like that, I’ve come to repair the rift, I’ll hoover you with an expensive gift,” and then he extended a manicured forefinger and pressed the door bell.

Suddenly a trapdoor opened and the Greater dropped out of sight.

“Let’s see how a period of fuel free isolation suits you Mr Narcissist,” said the third little empath. She set down her ‘phone and picked up the television remote control. The third little empath patted the book that rested on the arm of her chair.

“Great work Hurts God, thanks to you I set up a robust House of No Contact and created a diversionary house with a false trail which the narcissist went to instead and now he is reflecting on what on earth has just happened from within a sealed drum of isolation.”

Just then a text arrived on the third little empath’s phone and she gave a short gasp.

“HG approves,” read the text.

 

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93 Comments

  1. MB omg how lucky you are!! NC is a beautiful state from start to finish. I hope one day you go to TopSail, Surf City, Sneeds Ferry…you’d fall in love!
    Ironic you live in my favorite state!! I’ll land there one day but for now my son lives there which is good enough!
    We should probably ask HG to join us…that would be the polite thing plus Twisted H – am sure she too would love it!!
    I’m so glad we started chatting! HUGS!!

    1. I don’t know about an empath support group besides this one. I have recently read The Empath’s Survival Guide and that helped me a lot. It’s nice to finally understand why I am the way I am.
      I’ve been on this blog for almost a year and I have had the most personal growth and healing of my whole life.
      It’s priceless. Thank You HG.

  2. Please don’t send me to the Dungeon, but there is indeed 1 YT channel that provides very useful and helpful information, that is to say, only if you have the knowledge of this website, than it is a very helpful additional source. Although not everything is correct, since he lacks of course the insight in a narcissist because only Mr Tudor can deliver this, but his insights and help for empaths are correct. Ok, how many stairs down is it?

  3. Thank you, Hurt God! You made me laughing loudly while reading this tale:).
    Hmm, doesn’t H.G. stand for His Greatness. I am serious, I was associating the letters that way, similar to His Highness. And why not? How many of us had wasted precious time on Mr Nice but Narc before we discovered the truth in this blog . Thank you again, HG .

  4. Ha ha ha.

    She ignored various providers, such as Miss Unsupported Bonkers Theory, Unduly Esoteric Explanation Man, Hopelessly Rambling Victim, Mr Nice But Narc, Miss Tie Twenty Crystals Around Your Forehead and other well-meaning but ultimately ineffective purveyors of advice.

    No doubt that you are world’s number 1 source about narcissism. I watched various videos in different channels on youtube but i wasn’t satisfied with their answers as they don’t give a full picture as you do. Also i should admit that you are deep thinker HG Tudor.

    1. AR I agree with you – his videos are the absolute best!! I attempted to watch one video and the man actually mentioned HG hence I stopped that video and went back to HG’s….

        1. AR I’d LOVE to have him tell me what I am but afraid I’d scare him! HG changed my life via giving me knowledge hence I am forever grateful to him. HUGS!

          1. Oh Denise you should know that nothing scares HG. Lol.
            If you haven’t yet had the empath detector consult you should really consider purchasing it. It seriously answered a lot of questions about myself and behaviors that I have. This is my favorite consult simply because it helped me to learn who I am. 🙃

          2. Can you please explain what it entails? I’m not a normal – always been told “God broke the mode with me” and I still hear that to this day. How did you benefit from it regarding your behavior? Please share your experience! THANKS AND HUGS!!

          3. It is really a quite easy process D.
            HG will send questions for you to answer and send back to him.
            After he does his magic you will receive the results of your test which he breaks down into your percentages of different schools and cadres from strongest majorities and weakest minorities. You also receive a brief audio from him adding to these results.
            The benefit was in finding out I was a Co- dependent with a strong majority of Contagion. Also as far as Cadres I am a geyser, with strong minority carrier. My benefits briefly include the Co-Dependency which HG always suspected but didn’t confirm until after this consult. Finding out has led me in a direction of consults with HG to help me with this and other issues I cannot discuss. The bottom line is this man continues after four years to help me in ways no one else would be able to do. My loyalty to this man is undying. As I said I would highly recommend this consult to everyone. Take care.

          4. FM1T, I didn’t get any audio with my ED, but I was one of the first when it was rolled out. You had to bring it into my sphere of influence! Yep, it’s still there, stuck in my craw. Has a kinda salty taste.

          5. MB,
            I shared some of it yes. I am pretty sure you were still away MB. I’m a Co- dependent, with a strong majority of Contagion. My Cadre is Geyser, with a strong minority of carrier.

          6. Interesting FM1T. Thank you for sharing it again with me. I’ve given up on trying to search for anything on this site. I miss a lot by not subscribing to all comments and that bothers me. I really don’t know how HG has time to do anything else!

          7. MB
            I agree with you, I don’t know how he does it either! I don’t subscribe to all comments it would be to much and I would go into overdrive with my emotions. Lol. Plus having the time to read everything! I’d never get anything else done!

          8. FM1T, it does take a lot of time and I’m glad you said that about emotions. So it’s not just me! I find that spending too much time on the blog actually makes me feel worse. It’s a delicate balance and changes over time. Sometimes it’s affirming and positive. Other times it makes me want to jump from the nearest bridge.

          9. MB, There are times that I want to delete my WP account and never have anything to do with any of this ever again. But within minutes of thinking that way I think of the people on here that are new and the hurt that they are feeling is new and raw and I’d like to support them and let them know that they are not alone in all of this. There are people on here that over the years I have become very close to and they mean a lot to me, not just old but newer people as well, I would miss them terribly! Of course there is HG who I have grown to love as if he were a part of my family, even though he can be a pain in the ass sometimes and gets my blood boiling when he gets in the mood to start teasing me, I would ( I can’t believe I’m going to actually write this ) miss him very much and feel horrible for not being here supporting the man who literally saved my life! So no sweetie you are not the only one that gets overloaded by emotion. 😘😘

          10. Hi Denise,
            The Empath Detector really helps you to understand those traits about yourself that make you vulnerable to narcissists and how they could keep you stuck in that dynamic. I also found that it made me value myself more because being an empath is a gift and not everyone is worthy of our goodness especially the narcs. Self awareness is key!

          11. THAT is exactly what I need! Seems I have COME ALL NARCS stamped on my forehead – being around a lot of ppl is draining on me hence I have to have alone time which most ppl do not understand but I stand firm on getting that time. Does that make sense?
            Also, and the biggest thing, is I somehow have an ability to FEEL if something bad is happening to my sons and ppl I love – it’s a black heavy feeling in my gut and every time this occurs I call and see what’s wrong. It creeps my oldest son out but he has the same ability and fights it whereas I don’t. However, let me state I cannot point out a narc (covert) and this confuses me. Last one was definitely a greater and after a few times with him I felt his evil and then he showed it! Thank God he lives on the east coast and far from me!
            Sorry so long but I greatly appreciate you for explaining! HUGS!!

          12. Denise😊
            First of all don’t apologize for writing long messages. We all do it from time to time and where else can you talk about this stuff right?!
            I have been stamped with the same words on my forehead but I had no idea (must have been special ink that only narcs could see😉) until HG opened my eyes. I agree he is intimidating but you don’t have to be scared of him. He is truly here to help us. I still struggle to understand why sometimes but I just trust the process and like you said you finally get the answers you’ve always wanted.

            There’s nothing I love more than my downtime. I used to feel guilty about it but now I know it is necessary as an empath and we need more than most people. None of your experiences sound crazy to me. I can feel their darkness too, but sometimes my emotional thinking overrides my intuition and that is when I get into trouble. So that’s why the Empath Detector is so helpful. With practice, I can now recognize certain traits that keep me stuck.

            For example, “oh maybe if we just sit down and talk and come up with a practical solution…” those are my carrier traits.

            Or “I know he is suffering, if I can just teach him what helped me when I was in pain…” those are my saviour traits

            “I’ll just tell him exactly how I’m feeling and be authentic and follow my heart” those are my geyser traits.

            You can see how this makes you vulnerable and keeps you on the hook. Now I’ve learned to hold my cards a little closer and not give it all away. It feels very unnatural to go against the grain but I am at peace for the first time in my adult life. My friends have even noticed it and say they haven’t seen me this grounded in 5 years.

            I’m still a love devotee but am holding out for someone that is truly worthy and will only share these traits with people that make me feel safe so that I’m not exploited.

            Having the ability to sense energy is an incredible gift and has become one of my new favourite hobbies now. You can play with energy in a positive way and manipulate things in a good way for yourself and those you love.

            You won’t regret any time or money you invest with HG.

            Glad you are here💕

          13. Thank you very much!! I am so relieved you understood what I was talking about….thank you!
            Yes I agree it is a gift and thank God for it! I always try to use it for the better but if I am wronged or lied to my niceness almost disappears and I can be as nasty or hateful to that person and I HATE that in me. No I don’t go crazy (😜) with screaming or cussing but I will strike back – immediately or whenever I feel is the best time that that person will feel it the most. I am sooo sorry for that comment but I’m just being honest. Seriously I’ve been praying HG doesn’t ban me from his site…seems this past week I’ve been so drawn to come here – I read and comment – the pull to visit here is strong. Have you experienced that?
            I’m also relieved that you too have to have alone time – isn’t it wonderful!! What also helps me tremendously is water – either in my pool and going to NC to the ocean – are you like that? What are some of the things you do to destress and find your center?
            Yes…I will do that empath test as now I’m curious. There has to be a reason for attaching such awful men – but honestly when I first meet them they really excite me, I love their energy, wit, sense of humor etc – it’s like their energy is magnetic to me. Please tell me what you feel upon first meeting them.
            Can HG, after doing the test, decide someone doesn’t belong in this group? That weighs on me heavily….
            On a positive note HG suggested I listen to The Stepford Devaluation which I did twice and it was like this past year finally made sense! I now understand what happened to me!
            Thank you again for chatting and giving your fabulous advice!! Greatly appreciated!! Please keep in touch too….HUGS!!!

          14. DID, water gives me life too. Floating weightless in the waves is one of my most favorite things in life. I only wish I lived closer to the water. (And I wasn’t shark food!) But even soaking in the tub rejuvenates my soul. Floating in a pool is a close third. I find that warm water is more healing.

          15. Thank you for telling me that – so nice to know others get the pleasure and peace of the water!! Now how I find my center while simply floating I don’t know but I do 😂
            The ocean is my favorite water – I love the air, sounds, sand, etc… the change I have in the inside is amazing – more at ease! No…I agree not interested in being shark food thus I don’t go out far. My son did try to teach me to boogie board but I failed…wasn’t focused on the waves – too busy looking for fins!
            Do you have any others suggestions on what you do to find your center? I love to plant flowers and yard work! 😂😂😂.
            Thank you for your time and it was nice talking with you!! HUGS!

          16. Hugs back at you DID. Plants and flowers die if I try to tend to them so I just leave them to their own devices. Yard work? FSSH! I enjoy sitting outside on my patio, generally with a beverage, listening and observing. I have a fire bowl that I quite enjoy also. Actually, I will do a bit of yard work by picking up sticks, leaves, and other debris to get my fire started. 😂 I can stare into flames for hours. It is quite therapeutic.

          17. MB I can understand watching the flames too! I love the crackling sound also. 😁. Oh the ways we center ourselves are so simply yet so important. It’s a beautiful day here in the south – bathing suit on – hair in ponytail – and going to my favorite place! Enjoy your day and thank you for sharing!! HUGS!

          18. Oh, guys guys… how I totally identify with all that you said, especially the water connection. MB, that’s my dream too, being able to one day move near the ocean. Sharks are my biggest fear though! Have you noticed that more and more sharks are being seen in the US East coasts?

          19. SP, I can’t say sharks are my biggest fear but I do respect the fact that I’m in their territory when I dare to float. I’m wondering if there are actually more sharks on the East Coast or if there is just more media. A shark attack is like a plane crash. Every one will be reported. The number of attacks vs the number of people that go into the ocean has got to extremely low. Of course, that statistic doesn’t matter to the person that was attacked! Anyway, I take my chances. I try to keep my mind from going there, else it takes away from my enjoyment. If my mind starts to imagine that I look like a seal, and I’m being stalked by predators, I’m done. Back to the beach I go.

          20. MB, I take my risks too. I also like to try surfing every now and then even though I’m awful at it, but my brother is a great surfer and we both share the passion for the ocean. I feel empowered when I’m near the beach because I have everything I need. Plus my hair looks gorgeous after a day in salty water and sun highlights!

          21. SP

            Ha ha Jon thought I was out of my mind when we went to Haterrias……full moon and I went into the water. He told me there could be sharks in the water my response was I am just as safe in the water as I am with you.

            Not much scares me as falling in love.

          22. Twilight, that’s very wise. Who’s scared of sharks when you have survived a narcissist, right?

          23. DID, I live in NC, but further from the coast than I would like. I’ve never been to Topsail! Believe it or not!

          24. Hi Denise,

            Yes I feel the pull to come to this site. At first I was worried I was addicted (I was). I’m addicted to THE TRUTH. And that’s what HG provides us. And all the other bloggers provide support, kindness and understanding. It’s a broken empath’s dream.

            So this site is one of the things that ground me (in moderation) because knowing the truth gives me peace of mind. When I read HG’s articles before bed, it puts me right to sleep😜
            Hahah! Not in a boring way HG, I can just feel my brain go okay so that’s why that happened or I’m not alone in this, then it makes sense and I can drift off into la la land.

            I teach yoga and my practice has been an essential part of my life for 20 years so that keeps me centered. But also any kind of movement, running, dancing, walking just helps me to feel more present. Singing (even though I can’t sing), eating good food and wine. I just like to tap into all my senses. Even hand washing the dishes centers me if I do it with intention.

            Water is so healing. I grew up by the ocean and I miss it so much. I take salt baths daily! And naps are vital!

            You are more than welcome to share your stuff here. It’s another good way of processing it all. We all get it and I don’t think HG would kick you off the site though you never know, he is a narcissist😉

          25. Hello TW! Hope your day is going well – I took another vacation day so I can get some more pool time. Beautiful here!

            I understand what you mean about what HG gives – first time I listened to him I was shocked and hooked – couldn’t (still can’t) get enough knowledge. I work in the medical field and thankfully my job allows us to listen to our music/HG so I’m wearing YT out!

            I believe I’ve found a source for my NEED to come here so much – I belong to a Narc Support Group and I feel as if some ppl “thrive” off the drama – I simply cannot. I try to write positive, encouraging and uplifting replies but damn some ppl have 1000 excuses (don’t use dating apps) hence I feel I’m banging my head against a wall! I direct them to HG and 100 negative responses following. I tried but I think it’s time I leave that mess!

            I like your thought process after reading his work! I’m not there yet but striving to be. I’m stuck in the “are you kidding me phase” 😂. Seems I learn something new daily…they are so complicated!!

            Feeling and hearing are my two main senses – they can give me much peace and pleasure or even pure hell. Alone time for me is paradise – LOVE my back yard and I have 6 animals! 😂. I prefer them over humans most days 😜

            Thank you for letting me share – greatly appreciated! BTW I’d love to try yoga! That’s amazing!!!!

            Bless HG’s heart – I’ve been commenting quite a bit it seems so I’ll taper that off and should be good!

            Lastly, is there a support group or web site dedicated to empaths that you know of? If so I wonder would that be too draining or positive?!

            Enjoy and HUGS!!!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it, want more? Of course you do
      amazon.com/Narc-Tales-HG-Tudor-ebook/dp/B07K3RT8GX

    2. Deniseisdone,
      This is one of my favorite books of HGs. It’s so cleverly written and funny but it also has various lessons on the behavior of narcissists. I absolutely recommend this book, I guarantee you will love it!

      1. FoolMe1Time you are 100% correct – it is now one of my favorites!! Wished it was on video too- you know his voice would only add to it all!! First time I can honestly say I found the whole narc mindfuckery fun!! HUGS!

  5. I apologize, Mr. Tudor. I guess I have been posting comments unrelated to narcissism. I was just…remembering.

      1. Thank you. I was so wrapped up in my own memories I forgot to mention how creative your article was. You are the best!

        1. NJFilly I found your reply intriguing and so much honestly – you took me back with you – I could feel your defiance yet your excitement when he gently showed you control. I am so very sorry for you loss and sorry you still feel the intense pain! HUGS!!

          1. Denise,

            Thank you for your feedback and your kind thoughts. I appreciate them.

      1. HG—you don’t allow yourself the enjoyment of picking your own fruit in the grocery? How do you know the common prole will ensure your bananas are not bruised?

  6. I relate to the line ‘slung her over his shoulder’. It’s funny how I can read an entire article but a minute detail is what resonates with me. I write this just to vent about some memories that have returned to me because of that line. I dated a big, burly, biker dude in mid to late 1990’s. He was 6’4″ about 250 lbs. He was a ‘managing member’ of some biker ‘clubs’. I was his girlfriend and in this environment, you were considered ‘property’ of the man. I was okay with this arrangement. Except when I was not. For whatever reason I would occasionally become defiant and attempt to assert my autonomy from him and the ‘club’. Michael was never violent or abusive toward me, but he did have his way of handling me during these times. Where ever we were, if I became defiant and he wanted me removed from the situation, he would just come over to me, bend down and grab me around my upper thighs and pick me up and throw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and haul my ass out of there. He would then take me to a secluded spot where he would undress me, hold me down, and have sex with me. So I guess you could say he was raping me. There was always tenderness and kissing involved. There was no way I could fight back physically, and usually after it was over, we were reconnected (in our dysfunctional way) and I was his again. He having reasserted his control and dominance over me. I’m not sure how this reflects on me to anybody who might read this. Being in that environment is where I obtained much of the strength I have now. It was difficult and if you were weak, you would be eaten alive. Women were very competitive with each other and illegal activity was rampant. I was a coveted member of the group by the other men because I was beautiful, but also because I would treat Michael with the utmost respect in public. He never disrespected me in public either. Michael died in a motorcycle accident and I was with him. I was relatively unhurt. When I heard him pronounced dead at the scene my heart exploded in a physical sensation and I felt it bleeding. I also felt something in my head physically snap, like a guitar string breaking. I passed out and woke up in the hospital. When I woke up and realized they removed me from Michael I became enraged. That rage has never left me and I still feel the pain in my heart and the broken string scratching at the inside of my head. It is what continues to drive me insane. Thank you for the opportunity to vent this bad memory from my mind.

    1. NJFilly,
      I would recommend talking it through with a sexual assault counsellor, and giving yourself time to process it a bit more.
      It’s an intense memory, and was a big part of your life. He was physically overpowering, and you were young and vulnerable.
      Our thoughts when we’re older are not always the same as those of our younger selves.
      If you had nobody to process it with then, maybe now would be a good time.
      His sudden death, your being part of the accident, and your survival, are very intense and life-changing experiences. Add to that the abuse of power in the relationship….
      It deeply affects us.
      I’m seeing a counsellor myself, and she is worth her weight in gold.

      1. Caroline,

        Thank you for your recommendation and thoughts. I know many people on this blog are in pain, including me. There are many parts of my life I don’t remember, although I haven’t actually forgotten them. I don’t know the technical psychological term for this, if there is one, so I just call it ‘refusal to remember’. I’m not yet ready to remember everything. The articles and comments on this blog are actually helping me. It is forcing me to remember and accept some things. Being able to ‘vent my spleen’ about certain thoughts and memories gives me relief. I give my sincerest gratitude to Mr. HG Tudor. He’s “The Man”. (No man should ever dare try to rape me, by the way. Unless I wanted him to).

    1. So that’s what HG stands for? Hurt God? Wowie!

      I love how you had the empaths baking. So funny!

      And thanks for reinforcing that staying off social media is a good thing. I was feeling a little narcy for cutting people off just like that.

      1. HG Stands for hurt God? On my goodness. I can’t stand that. I really feel like crying for him now. I guess he has really been hurt. I assumed that he was but I have to read more of his books and find out. So sad I can’t even stand it.

          1. Dear Mr. HG Tudor,

            I hate to ask you to repeat yourself. Have you mentioned somewhere the numerous things it stands for? May I ask you to list them all here now for me?

          2. I always thought it would be Henry Or Harold George Tudor or something nice and posh like that😋

            Kiki

        1. NJFilly
          Re: What does HG stand for
          I remember HG stating that Hurt God means he IS the Hurt God, the God of inflicting pain. He also likes Holy Grail, but I refuse to call him that because he said it first instead of letting me figure it out myself so now I am salty about it. As for other options, I like to be creative with it:
          His Greatness, Healing Granter, Hunter Gatherer, Haunting Ghost, Handsome Greater and in reference to recent instagram posts, Heightened Gorilla.

          1. Interesting answers. They all apply. I don’t understand the Heightened Gorilla reference. I don’t follow instagram. Other than Hurt God, what other options has he said it stands for? As to hurt God, that can be defined in three ways. A direction to cause harm to God, that he is the God of inflicting pain, or that he is God and he is hurt. I assumed it to be the last option.

          2. Desiree & njfilly,

            There have been many discussions (at minimum, three) surrounding the fact that HG also stands for mercury…and further associations.
            I’m not as good as K at finding stuff, but I might be able to turn up something.

          3. NA, I miss K too. But I’m more concerned for how she is feeling. I’m sad and worried when I think of her. This place is not the same. The energy shift is palpable.

          4. Thank you for that, HG. I am unable to follow ALL of the comments as it interferes with my work. K is an asset and I have no doubt you are attending to her in a most HG way.

            K, just know I am thinking of you and I can’t help but get knots in my stomach when I do. I’m not sure why that is.

          5. MB
            K is strong and a survivor so she will be fine. She is likely taking a much needed break as she has been here a long time. We all wear many hats irl and can lose our focus in taking on too much emotion from others (here and in real life). I have been there too. Besides – she either has to move or paint over those charts all over her walls at some point lol.

          6. NA, I understand. It can certainly be emotionally draining being here at times. She certainly is a survivor. And you’re right, she may be painting!

          7. njfilly
            You may find this comment helpful.

            HG Tudor says:
            December 8, 2016 at 17:48
            No, HG are my initials. Tudor is a familial link but not (obviously) by actual surname.

            https://narcsite.com/2016/12/08/the-narcissistic-truths-no-70/

            NarcAngel
            Ha ha ha….you were right; I was painting the war room!

            The final colors: gray (middling), black and white (split thinking). It wasn’t planned either; it just happened and, after I finished, I thought: Holy shit, I just painted the narcissistic/empathic dynamic onto the walls, trim and doors.

        2. Thank you Who Cares for the links! We miss K but you did an excellent replacement in re to searching relevant posted comments!

Vent Your Spleen!

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