You? Me? Them?

youmethem

 

Once upon a time. The Princess and the Pea. Prince Charming. Snow White. Pretty Woman. Barbie and Ken. The Waltons. Hug you from behind. Breakfast in bed. Picking you up in the rain. Glimpsing you from a train and running after you. The Fabulous Baker Boys. Roman Holiday. Bouquets. Surrounded by your loving family as you pass away. Snow at Christmas. Remembered birthdays. The Little House on the Prairie. Beauty and the Beast. A Room With a View. City breaks. Walking in the foam. Holding hands. Growing old together. Gone With the Wind. The white knight. Crazy For You. The Passion. Spooning in bed. Monogamy. Rosanna. Love Me Tender. Truly Madly Deeply. A candlelit bath. The Best. Gift on the pillow. Save the Best For Last. Impromptu lunch. Dancing cheek to cheek. Someday my prince will come. Red roses. White roses. Opening doors. Up Where We Belong. Romeo and Juliet. Holding your hair. You’re the First, My Last, My Everything. Writing ‘I Love You’ in the steamed up mirror. Endless Love. I Think I Love You. Dedicating a song on the radio. Father Figure. The Power of Love. Fairytale wedding. Carved initials on a tree inside a heart. Giving you the last Rolo. Love conquers all. Love will save the day. Love’s young dream. Love is a many splendored thing. Writing poems. Love notes in a lunch box. A message in the sand. Till death do us part. Together forever. Bright young things. Never Tear Us Apart. Soulmate. Other half. My Heart Will Go On. Bridget Jones’ Diary. I’ll Stand By You. Children. A Whole New World. Paris in the spring time. Lazing in a hammock together. A log cabin by the lake. The Notebook. The Spider man kiss. Notting Hill. Rose and Jack. Letting you sleep in. Bella and Edward. Latika and Jamal. Dirty Dancing. Leading the dancing. Remembering anniversaries. In sickness and in health. When Harry Met Sally. Synchronised orgasms. Sex in the morning. Sex in the evening. Still having sex after all these years. Fidelity. Eyes only for you. An Officer and a Gentleman. Isla and Rick. Letting you first. Knowing you hate spiders. Viola and William. Stardust. Walking in the snow together. Walking through leaves together. Edward Scissorhands. Just the Way You Are. My Girl. Annie’s Song. Matching tattoos. Wearing a wedding band. I Will Always Love You. When a Man Loves a Woman. I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. Love is blind. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The perfect match. Our love is predestined. It was written in the stars above. Love at first sight. Mr/Mrs Right, “My one and only,” “man/woman of my dreams,” “match made in heaven,” “love of my life,” “my true love,” “made for each,” “my perfect match,” “I met the love of my life,” “I knew this was the one.”  “We were meant for each other.” “instant connection,” “clicked right away,” “chemistry at first sight,” “hit it off right away,” “experienced immediate attraction,” “instant rapport,” “completely hit it off,” “it was magical,” “you put a spell on me” . Love is a river that drowns the tender reed. The perfect house. The country idyll. Home is where the heart is. Wuthering Heights. Jayne Eyre. Twilight. The Hunger Games. Gabriel’s Inferno. Water for Elephants. Warming the bed first. Investigating a bump in the night. Holding you during a storm. Never being taken for granted. Perfection. Having it all. The Happy Ever After.

False promises and unrealistic ideals created by them.

A gateway to the false promised land, to the unrealistic ideal life offered and exploited by us.

Resorting to self-destructive and addictive behaviours in order to compensate for these failings and disappointments by becoming entangled with us again and again and again. That’s you.

Who is to blame?

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18 Comments

  1. Synchronised orgasms!? Only for control, right? I thought with your kind this kind of orgasm was very rare, if not at all.

  2. I love the love story in Waterboy. I love the chemistry between Bobby Boucher and Vicki Vallencourt. How they are both so imperfect but they found each other and are just as happy as can be. I love when Bobby had his Super Nova moment from his Lesser matrinarc:

    “”Well I like school… and I like football… and I’m gonna keep doin’ ’em both because they make me feel good.
    And by the way, Mama… alligators are ornery because of their medulla oblongata.
    And I like Vicki and she likes me back. And she showed me her boobies and I like them too.”

  3. This is an interesting one.

    Both the narcissist and empath enjoy the romance but for totally different reasons, the narc because they need to victim to attach to them and they prefer someone to provide fuel for them rather the “use” them and not really care. And the empath likes to feel attached.

    Finding a “happily ever after” is far more complicated then that. I only know of 2 couples that TRULY are in love and enjoy each other and there is no narc involved.

    I am giving up on all fairy tales. I think I want to focus more on being happy in the here and now, and accepting things the way they are. I don’t think I will find love, at least not the kind of romantic love I have longed for. I have love from many different people in my life in other ways. But there is no “prince” I won’t find him… and I’m done looking.

  4. Actually, I have been realizing that what hooked me the strongest to the narcissistic relationship was not so much the fairy tale, the conjured up image of perfect love. Because never mind however skilled the narcissist is, there are always indicators that the conjured “love” is clumsy, awkward and mechanical, in other words not authentic.
    So what hooked me the most was not the deception but what was real and genuine in the behavior of the narcissist: his undivided attention for me, his curiosity and deep interest in my world, in everything that I do, the effort he put into learning about my views, my likes and dislikes, the fact that he paid close attention to everything I said and remembered it. If you see someone being so truly into you, putting so much time and energy in getting to know you, that has to come from loving someone dearly right, because why else would you do all that? I often used to think: He works so hard, I can see that he really loves me, but he doesn’t quite know how to express it. I thought it was kind of endearing his clumsy, awkward, mechanical attempt to express love. I know now what it is really that he is working for like a slave.

    I am curious how this was / is for others: did you actually fell for the fairy tale hook line and sinkers or did you noticed the clumsy cracks in the “perfect love” image but, being ignorant about NPD, explained it erroneously based on your own context?

  5. There you narcissists go thinking everything’s about you or includes you guys. We can still have happily ever-after’s with our own kind. You said they’re out there and that we will find them once we stop being screwed up with ET. I’m counting on it because I’m looking forward to a sweet forever romance with a real guy.

  6. I’d never seen this post before. Not sure how I missed it. Interesting Pretty Woman is mentioned considering all the talk about that at narcsite of late.

    1. MB,
      I was surprised to see pretty women there also? I know I’ve read this before but I don’t remember seeing it. Actually I don’t remember it being written quite this way, perhaps HG freshened it up a bit? 🤷‍♀️

      1. FM1T, No. I went back and looked at the older postings. This one went way back and hasn’t changed. I gave myself some demerits for missing it previously.

    2. MB: There she is, our old friend, Pretty Woman. What a farce, MB. I am so glad I looked up the original tragic and believable ending. What a farce society makes of us. They must laugh all the way to the bank as they infect us with so much nonsense. If HG is in NYC, the last I heard, Pretty Woman is still playing. If for some reason I had to see that play, I would definitely wear a disguise!! [8 `Review: ‘Pretty Woman’ on Broadway is great fun, starring Samantha Barks with a heart of gold
      From: Chicago Tribune | By: Chris Jones | Date: 08/16/2018
      In essence, “Pretty Woman” has found a smart sweet spot somewhere between nostalgic retro romanticism – unlike at the Chicago tryout, the show now fully and wisely embraces its original era, big hair and all – and the current necessity for heroines to take charge of their fumbling Prince Charmings and self-actualize their tickets to happiness.`

      8 `Pretty Woman, Broadway, review: a middling romcom transformed into a musical hit
      From: Telegraph | By: Diane Snyder | Date: 08/16/2018
      The purest prostitute on Hollywood Boulevard is plying her trade on Broadway in Pretty Woman: The Musical. The romcom that catapulted Julia Roberts to stardom in 1990 has been repurposed for the stage in a joyous production that should do the same for the career of British actress Samantha Barks. Despite the movie’s enduring popularity, its appeal has always eluded me, not so much because of its sanitised depiction of streetwalking as its hazy characters and sluggish pacing`}

      1. PSE, If I were visiting NYC, I would opt for a different production to see. Like you, I’m done with that story.

  7. I would like to comment (for me) it is not about blame.
    Instead of blame something inside begs to ask the questions:
    What is it in me that is drawn to a person like you?
    What is the attraction to being with someone without substance, without depth, who is emotionally bereft, and compassionless?
    The attraction is not doing my own work. The attraction a hunger to satiate my need via someone else in the guise of romance or love.

    NOT through the empty promises of lifelong romance but through the inner quality of substance will I find my needs met.
    I am enough. I can meet my own needs. I don’t NEED you.
    Even though the wiring in me is tripped and I’m triggered to NEED just by saying those very words.
    What is “love” without “need”?
    Beige. Passionless. A sigh of having settled rather than the butterflies of hope. There has to be somewhere that contentment can coexist with a little excitement….maybe? Or am I just lying to myself again?
    Is there a difference between fear and excitement? Contentment and fear cannot coexist.
    Grief is what I now face as I walk through the hallway of transition. I will find comfort in being alone. Enjoy who i am without you. I will structure boundaries: and breed an endless well of self contentment.

  8. Love the black and white HG, but not as much as I like those legs at the top of the page! 🙃

      1. Is it a suspicious sign to be asked if like bondage (jokingly?) and then be invited to zip line? Is there a narcissistic parallel?!!

        1. Joanne: I do not know this guy, but I do not like him. He sounds like he takes out his aggressions in life on a female body. Does he work out? Maybe he needs to take up boxing or learn jiu jitsu or something? Do a test. Tell him you enjoy 5 Star dining, and long beautiful Operas, and spa and wellness vacations, and things like that, etc. See if he frowns, Joann. If he does, he has no desire to preserve and pamper you. He just wants to be rough with you. That type usually has an IPPS and other women are to be used to be worn out. I see it all the time and these secondary women usually age quicker, as well. I am reading HG`s book: Sitting Target. It is amazing how much a Narcissist will investigate and test a candidate before making the decision to make them a Partner/source. We can learn from Narcissists and investigate these men much much more and in much more concrete detail. You reminded me of a book that HG wrote that I have on my list to purchase. I believe it is titled: 50 Things Not to Do with a Narcissist. Whatever Zipline is, Joanne, please tell him that you are just not that into Ziplining, and any of that sort of stuff. Let him get his “kicks` and aggravations off elsewhere and on some other female. You are just too good for that, and tell him that. If this is workplace proximity, please be careful. HG Tudor conducted a Poll about where the ensnarement occured, and the last time I checked, The Workplace was the number one answer!!!

  9. It’s THEM! THEY started the cycle. You and I just perpetuated it. I want it because THEY planted the seed that anything less is unsatisfactory. THEY tenderized me. I want the dream, the fairytale, the happily ever after. And I will kill myself trying to achieve the nirvana that was promised. (Until I found you, HG.)

    Btw: Water for Elephants 😍

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