Sins of the Empath : Positivity

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Positivity. Positive outlook. Optimism. The empathic individual which is the target for our kind is blessed with positivity. This ingrained positivity allows them to see the good in people, it enables them to find the silver lining in the gathered storm clouds and grants a motivating factor. By adopting a positive outlook in their life, the empathic individual is inspired to achieve more, to dispel the bad and seize on whatever goodness they can identify, even if it is the merest kernel. This trait enables the empathic individual to cast their optimistic eyes over the bleakest of scenarios and see that there is something good which can be learned from the experience, something decent which is in the pipeline and something to be cherished. In its purest form it manifests as a blind optimism and this powers the empathic individual so they are able to overcome what might be regarded as insurmountable by lesser individuals.

This empathic trait causes the relevant person to reflect on what they have learned from an experience, how the occasion was good for them in testing them, causing them to utilise their resources and to work out a way forward when faced with a problem. Whilst a normal individual might bemoan the situation that has befallen them (and indeed our kind would address it by blaming everybody else and leaving them to pick up the pieces), the empathic individual’s innate positivity causes them to see an opportunity. They see the chance to enrich their own experience, to grow as a person and to demonstrate that with positive thought, positive action and positive attitude no problem is too great, no issue is incapable of resolution and no setback is forever.

Whilst being imbued with this sense of positivity allows an empathic individual to demonstrate fortitude, pragmatism and optimism in their lives and thus they bring with them the capacity to enrich the lives of others, the trait of positivity also generates problems when dealing with our kind.

The positivity invariably blinds the empathic person to what they are actually dealing with. The false positivity which we radiated through our love bombing and the golden period convinces the empathic person that we are indeed a ‘good’ person. Thus, when the monster appears during devaluation, rather than see it for what it is, the manipulations and machinations of a twisted and abusive person, the positive empath strives to harness the good which once existed again. This creates a near indefatigable spirit which in turn causes the empathic person to remain in our grip for far longer than is good for them.

Naturally, this is of no concern to us since we want you to remain in our grip. We want you bound to us and your unrelenting belief that the goodness that you have seen can be brought to the fore again is a weakness of this positivity and invariably puts you at risk. When others would retreat in the face of the eroding and savage manipulations, the empathic individual remains positive. Not only do they wish to sweep away the darkness and find the good in us once again, they regard it as a test of their resolve and therefore increase their positive outlook in order to cater with the slings and arrows which are sent their way.

This positivity lend itself to the making of excuses. Rather than realise that they have been entangled by a deceitful, manipulative abuser, the empathic individual will look to environmental factors – such as the fact that we are tired, stressed or over-worked since that must be what it is that is clouding our innate and once seen inner goodness. If those external factors continue to fail to explain our behaviours, the empathic individual will become introspective and consider that the problem has arisen as a consequence of some failing on their part. They consider that they have not shown us enough love, not asked us how our days has gone, not been supportive enough when we have faced a challenge, not cooked our steak correctly and ever more trivial and meaningless excuses which are trotted out in order to maintain a positive outlook and not give in.

By adopting positivity, the empathic individual places stock in the fact that with the right effort and application things will be worked out and once more will be good again. When a respite period is granted by us during the devaluation, the empathic individual will seize on this as evidence of how their positive outlook has reaped rewards. By hanging in there, never giving up and remaining upbeat they have allowed their positivity to shine through and this has saved the day. Once again however, this dedication to remaining positive has caused the empathic person to fail to notice that this is all part of the ongoing manipulation and is just a brief and passing restoration of the illusion that is the golden period and is done to exploit this belief in remaining positive.

Positivity causes the empath to misguidedly believe that we can be fixed and healed. This positive outlook means that when an objective third party points out the reality of the situation to the empath, they smile and thank them for their observation but find an excuse and point to how remaining true to being positive will once again resolve the issues. The viewpoint is one of if you want something enough then the universe will provide it to you and those with a positive outlook do not waste time wondering why things do not happen as they wish, but rather they do something to bring about what they want and to change things. This attitude may be appropriate to securing a promotion at work, saving to purchase your dream home or being thought of as a kind person by your friends, but it only serves to blind you to what you have been entangled with when it comes to our kind.

It means you are enmeshed with us for longer than you ought to be. It means you suffer the devaluation and all of its awful outcomes to a greater degree than you should. It means that you remain highly susceptible to being hoovered post discard because you believe that we will ultimately see the error of our ways and that we will recognise we have done wrong so that we return to the wonderful, loving and charming person that once seduced you.

Those with this empathic trait in intense amounts will not countenance the manifestation of negativity. They will fight down their anger and replace it with concern. They will dissolve their frustration and exhibit caring instead. This sublimation of emotions only serves to encourage our devaluation as we strive to shatter the positivity and see the tears, the hurt and the despair. Your rejection of negativity means you will not hear ill spoken of us, you will not blame us for what we do and rather than take heed of the negative thoughts which will and do manifest in your mind, you try to force them to one side by engaging in your trait of positivity.

This is a dangerous path to tread. Not only does it blind you to what we are and bind us to you for longer, it means that ultimately you are setting yourself up for devastating disappointment. When the full force of our machinations have been unleashed against you and your considerable coping abilities have been stretched beyond endurance, once this all comes crashing down, the height from which you maintained your positivity means that your fall is all the harder, longer and more painful.

When that discard takes you by surprise, you plummet from your perch of positivity and crash into the dirt, bewildered, exhausted and drained. Yet, it does not take long for this positive trait to re-appear as you soon begin to apply it again, making excuses for why we disappeared, making plans for how matters can be resolved if we just sit down and have a constructive conversation together and how it was good for you to experience this despair, because now you know more than you once did and you can apply this learned experience to your and our advantage by winning us back and helping us with our problems. You can tease out that inner goodness because you will not allow yourself to think it does not exist. To do so offends your sense of positivity.

Negative thoughts however can serve a positive purpose for you, if only you would listen to them. Negative thoughts such as fear manifest to tell you to protect yourself, to defend yourself and to get away from the danger. You however remain in the firing line because you reject the negative and embrace the positive. A negative thought such as feeling unappreciated, lonely or hurt should be recognised as a warning and acted upon, however, the strength of your positivity will invariably override this until it is too late. Indeed, there are those whose degree of positivity is so great that they have become deluded as to what we are and how dangerous we are to you. They are blinded and no matter how often we dole out our cruel treatments, no matter how often others point out the harm that is being caused, they cannot see it because of the effect of their innate positivity.

To do so is indeed a sin in the context of being ensnared with our kind.

The positivity which you should embrace ought to be applied to yourself; that your encounter with us should cause you to learn what we are and how to avoid and evade us in the future.

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13 Comments

  1. Thank you 🙏 HG
    I am grateful for the lessons because of the involvement with the narcissist in my life
    You can’t change history so no point on dwelling on it I’m not sure if it’s the same for all empathic people but if I carry anger or hurt I become almost obsessive and over think about it when the truth is I still cate very much about them and don’t want to accept what they are
    Forgiving and an letting all the negativity go gives me the ability to move on because I am not triggered by pain anymore I have no expectations of them I don’t even feel the need for closure anymore so anything they do had no effect on me
    One of my biggest lessons was to let go of the outcome and attachment it takes away the ability for anyone to control me if they hate me that is their issue not mine

  2. HG, have you encountered any normals here and what was their response to your work? Perhaps it was a partner or friend of an empath who was pointed in your direction.

      1. HG—this is in response to a question about whether normals occasionally make it here and you said yes. What would reading “Sins of the empath” be like for a normal? It feels like you really know me when I read it— it’s me absolutely. What would it feel like to read for someone with damper traits? How would a narcissist who doesn’t know they are one feel reading this?

        1. Some would recognise it to an element but not to the fullest extent Lorelei.
          A narcissist who does not know what they are would respond as follows (broadbrush response – one would finesse it by sub school)
          Lesser – load of nonsense, doesn’t apply to me, I am not a slave to anybody
          Mid Ranger – that is so me, I am always trying to be positive and look where it gets me

          1. Interesting. I swear I was nearly convinced I was a narcissist but it seems quite the contrary. (I’ve recognized this for a bit now.)
            It’s almost rather concerning that these sorts of posts hit so close to home because these “traits” haven’t served me well in many instances. (Hence your framing of these traits as “sins” is an almost accurate depiction.) This sort of trait profile sounds really good but are roadblocks when compiled in such a strong fashion. I’m not sure where to take it—I’m not wishing to cater to an almost “deficient self-default” because it really isn’t as effective as just having less of this. It sounds like I’m rambling but I’m really making sense in my head.

  3. Yes, this blog has changed me. I no longer need/seek external validation. Validation of myself comes from within. My character and behavior affect this change.

    This site helped me and made me aware via its owner, who lays down the FACTS in a straightforward and entertaining fashion.

    That’s all from me. That’s as much as I will answer any reporter.

    You can do the rest of the work yourself by reading the plethora of comments below the many articles posted here.

  4. I have a question to readers of this blog.
    Has reading this blog changed you in any way? In the sense of your character or behavior? How did this site help you and make you aware?

    1. I have made adjustments to my behaviors. Admittedly this has been difficult as I do many things instinctively as a magnetic empath.

      One of my biggest issues is being very reactive, and responding quickly. I am making large efforts to sit back and think before responding.

      Another thing I have been working on is saying No. Every time I say no I am expecting some sort of negative response but it has not been like that at all so far.

      Keeping things to myself… I am an open book, tell all kind of person. I used to post personal things on social media, put my trust in people quickly and tell them all my plans etc. I am not doing this anymore. It feels foreign but very exciting and even powerful.

      I am also working on telling white lies when it is necessary to protect myself. My empathetic trait of honesty is really hurtful to me sometimes and I am learning that sometimes it is necessary for me to make something up in order to protect myself.

      How did this site help?

      I consider myself an intelligent educated person but I had no idea WHY when I came in contact with a narc I would get so worked up… now I know why. What causes it and why they behave in a way I consider wrong. Reading HGs works took away some of my naivety. It also gave me a clear indication of what to expect, there fore I have been able to handle indirect hoovers a lot better. It made me feel really powerful to say as little about the situation as possible to people instead of spill my inner emotions in hopes of being validated and understood.

      I don’t feel the need for others to validate me about the situation anymore. I receive it here, through reading.

      I still don’t feel very equipped to react well to a narcissist face to face… but I am sure life will give me many more chances to practice lol.

    2. Yes Kasia—I just read this for the first time. It is me absolutely and I can’t believe a positive trait/value system was attributable to my long-standing relationship that was essentially an abusive feeding frenzy. I saw a photo toward the end of my decline just today. Unrecognizable. I
      looked dead. I absolutely cannot believe it sometimes. In fact, I actually recall thinking I would never come back from whatever was happening—-although I was utterly perplexed what was happening. I couldn’t put my finger on it and just hoped that maybe tomorrow would be different.

    3. Kasia,
      When I found out what narcissism was, and realized I was stuck with a narcissist, I spent a good year binging on videos and trying to understand what happend to me. The problem with this phase, is the focus is still on narcissism, and not about healing. HG’s work focuses on moving on, and using logic over emotional thinking. It has helped me with “coparenting” and dealing with the narcissist in court, and narcissistic attorneys.

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