The Revision of History
You are no doubt familiar with the quotation
“History is written by the victors”
to explain that those who triumph then re-write what has happen to accord with their new-found supremacy. We bastardise that quotation. We re-write history in order to ensure that we are the victors. We love to win. We hate to lose. It goes further than that. It is not just about wanting to win, loving the fact that we are winners but we need to win. It is imperative. This need to win manifests in numerous ways, which include:-
Always being in receipt of fuel;
Being the centre of attention;
Having our say first and for longest;
Making sure we are heard above all others;
Getting the latest gadget or piece of technology ahead of our friends, family and neighbours;
Having the most attractive spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, partner amongst our social groups;
Having the best suit and tie;
Being the most senior at a meeting;
Earning the most out of our peers;
Having secured the best career out of those we went to school with;
Being the best at running, football, archery, chess;
Knowing the most about a particular subject;
Offering the best wine at a dinner party;
Securing the best seats at a theatre or a restaurant;
Being acknowledged first in a group;
Bench pressing the heaviest weight in the gym;
Having the best sound system;
Knowing more famous people than our friends;
Securing tickets to a sold-out performance;
Winning the argument with anybody who tries to challenge us;
Ensuring our partner puts our needs ahead of theirs;
Getting served before anybody else;
Being able to drink the most at a party;
Ensuring everybody respects our “quiet time” when we are watching a film;
Having the most exuberant birthday bashes.
There are of course so many more. Not all of these are always applicable as for instance a Cerebral Narcissist will have little interest in ensuring that he can bench press the most weight at the gym and the Somatic Narcissist is not at all bothered about being the local expert on the history of the town in which he lives, but each and everyone one of our kind will want to and need to, secure the win.
This need manifests in the lengths we will go to so that we achieve the win. We will boast, brag, manipulate, blackmail, coerce, cajole, sabotage, nobble and bribe our way to the win. Nothing is off limits. If I can emotionally blackmail a friend into ensuring I sit in the lead funeral car with the family ahead of any other friend of the family, then I will do it. If I need to delete the files from a competitor’s computer at work, so be it. If I need to ensure that I have control over you in our relationship, so I win repeatedly, then I will unleash all manner of manipulations form my Devil’s Toolkit in order to make sure I win, win and win again.
The revision of history is one such tool that our kind deploys on a regular basis to bring about the win. Let’s look at some examples of how that appears.
Imagine I am at the bar with some of my inner circle friends. One of my friends, someone who has served a purpose from school, brings up the occasion of the 100 metre sprint from the school athletics championships.
“Hey HG, you ran a great time that day and you were only just pipped to the gold medal by that dude from LRG weren’t you?”
“I think, Michael, you will find that I pipped him to the title.”
“Really? Are you sure? I thought he beat you.”
“No, I beat him.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely, I was actually looking back through my results at the weekend when I was clearing some boxes from the loft and I was remembering how close the race had been but how I had overtaken that dude and beat him, narrowly true, but I beat him all the same.”
“I could have sworn it was the other way around.”
“No, you are wrong. I checked the times. I beat him by 0.2 of a second.”
“Oh I see.”
“Yes, he was gracious in defeat but I suppose you have to be when you don’t win, eh Michael?”
Michael nods and accepts my point since it was said with authority and the backing of a recent review of the result.
I actually did come second but I am not going to allow Michael to point that out in front of these inner circle friends. I rewrote history to ensure that I proved a point to him and ensured that I was held in the proper regard by those listening which in turn provided me with fuel.
2. Now consider a conversation between a primary source and me.
“Where have you been?” asks the primary source.
“What do you mean, where have I been? You know where I have been.”
“No I don’t.”
“Yes you do, I told you last week.”
“No you did not. I have been wondering where you have been, I was getting worried.”
“Well that is your own fault, I told you last week that I was going out this evening.”
“No you did not.”
“I did, I remember specifically. I was searching for my shirt that I wanted to wear, you know the blue one which I bought recently, but you wouldn’t help me look as you were watching some television programme. You asked why I wanted the shirt and I said I wanted to make sure it was clean and ironed because I was going out with Nathan and Paul.”
“I dont remember that.”
“Well I do.”
“I really do not remember you telling me you were going out.”
“You probably didn’t take it in, after all you were pretty engrossed in your programme.”
“Hmmm.”
“Anyway, what’s to eat, I am famished.”
I never said anything about going out but I will re-write history to make it appear that I did so because this frustrates you, avoids your attempt to blame me and allows me to maintain superiority by being right.
3. I am sat with a primary source in a restaurant.
“Isn’t that that woman who was obsessed with you?”
“Where?” I answer.
“There, coming through the doors, what is her name again, beings with an A I am sure.”
“Who? The lady with the short brown bob?”
“No, next to her, the one with long blonde hair.”
“Never seen her before.”
“Are you sure, she looks like that woman you pointed out to me.”
“No, I don’t know her.”
“It is a damn good likeness if it is not her. It is her, she is coming over.”
The blonde woman comes to our table.
“Hello,” she smiles at me ignoring the primary source, “fancy seeing you here.”
“Sorry are you talking to me?”
“Yes, hi HG, how are you?”
“I am sorry do I know you?”
“Yes we worked together.”
“No I am sorry, I don’t remember you.”
Her downcast expression provides me with fuel.
“I was in the team that worked alongside yours. We went to Singapore, do you not remember?”
“You might have worked where I worked but I don’t know you, sorry, but if you wouldn’t mind, we are about to order. Waiter!?”
Puzzled and upset she slowly walks away and I savour her fuel.
“She definitely knew you,” presses the primary source.
“Seems that way, but then I am well known aren’t I?” I answer with a self-congratulatory grin. I am pleased to have rebuffed Samantha who I know full well but it suited my purpose to rebuff her. I know she will try and contact me again to prove she knows me and then I just may re-write history again to confirm that I do. Of course, when I do, I may re-write that I had forgotten who she was.
We engage in this manipulation in order to exert control. It allows us to confuse, bewilder, upset, brag and thus maintain fuel. We will re-write history so that we avoid blame, gain kudos, claim achievements that are not our own, make us sound better at what we have accomplished, to evade liability and ensure you are confused and puzzled. It comes within gas-lighting as you start to find your memory is fallible. We have no hesitation in confirming something happened when it did not, we will change events, add things and take them away so long as it suits our purposes. If you present us with some independent evidence that contradicts us we will not shift our position in terms of maintaining history is how we decree it. Instead, we will unleash an alternative manipulation in order to deflect and deny your attempt to challenge our version.
Even the most obvious of events will be erased, amended and added to. Nothing is safe from our treatment of how things were. If it serves a purpose for us to alter history one way or another then we shall do so.
How do you deal with this?
As ever, state you position the once so you know you have stated it and then move on. The re-writing of history is designed to draw you in to an argument, make you try to convince us that you are right and we are wrong (although you will fail), to make you erupt in frustration or anger or tears, to bewilder you so that you keep accepting we are correct, so little by little you eventually always accept what we say and submit to this particular mind game.
Conversations will be recalled in a different manner. People who did not attend will have attended whilst others vanish. Events play out in a different manner once they have been subjected to this treatment.
It is all part of securing the win.
We change history. That’s how powerful we consider ourselves to be.
10 thoughts on “The Revision of History”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Picking up child support this week my kids dad had promised some birthday $ for our youngest.
He actually gave it to me, but flat out denied he’d said for sure he would. Just INSISTED he remembers the conversation and he’s said “maybe” not for sure
I slipped up and laughed and said “that’s right – I forgot you actually believe what you say”
LMFAO he got sooooo mad and that made it even funnier . He was just in livid consternation at my giggling at him but it IS funny, NOW
I kinda pity him
It’s the worst! An N’s attitude towards time.
When my sister just arrives on me with her psychopathic children and wants to treat my home like hers. It’s not.
If I had a normal sister, what’s mine would be hers but she isn’t, so it’s not. I have developed clear boundaries re that now.
At present I have to at least accept when she descends on me in order to achieve the ultimate goal. I’m almost at the final destination where I will no longer have to deal with this. I may just have a little party to celebrate!
Is it gaslighting or denial?
Infuriating. But, important to accept. Once I accepted the fact that he had to rewrite history, I knew attempting to gain ANY closure was completely futile.
HG-
May I ask an off topic question ?
Do u think narcissists may (depending on school) have a different outlook regarding “time”?
I know one of my issues has been impatience. Like – I’ve attempted to like, worry and push things, feel that my time or opportunities are running out.
I get the feeling that narcissists never rush- or feel that someone will “ get away “ or they’ll “ lose an opportunity “ – because they usually don’t really care and have options lined up.
Thoughts?
Thank you in advance.
Kathleen
Yes we do.
Our attitude towards time is governed by a sense of entitlement (turning up when we deem we should, expecting a window of opportunity to be held open because we are who we are), a lack of accountability (sometimes not doing things or turning up at all, doing so late, doing so without valid explanation), the lack of emotional empathy (not realising or caring that you would be upset by non-attendance, choosing a “better” option so not adhering to a pre-existing commitment), haughtiness (operating to our timetable because you are not important) grandiosity (I am important, let them wait)
Thank you for your reply HG.
Yes- MB- to me I think that was part of the early allure-to mine in the past. My need to “ be seen” was my weakness . my ex could appear disinterested in beginning- i feel played that game of….interested in me -won’t look at me – interested- not interested. Like I had to get closer to figure out and then I got hooked.
Both of us were in other relationships at the time. What a mistake… Oh well. I met with her four times last year. One of the times…” I’m not going anywhere. “ – When I said something like well I feel like I really can’t talk to you. Call because of the new person… I found that kind of an odd like what did that mean- Anyways they’re a trip… No doubt
Hg but do you actually experience time differently than the average adult who experiences psychological time?
A childhood lasts forever because we are in the Now and rarely think abt the past or future . Teenage years go faster, as psychological time has begun, and time goes faster and faster with each passing decade, it seems.
An alcoholic or an addict has a warped experience of time because they use the drug to blog out psychological time- the days and weeks blur together . Also the alcoholic and addict often run a hamster wheel of use/work/use/sleep or something similar, so there’s little differentiation in daily experience which also adds to the experience of time being warped from the average experience of time.
My kids dad is both a narc (I believe) and an addict. He hasn’t called or asked to see his kid in six months , : but if I bring it up, he’d always say it was “maybe a month” or “the other week”
This same expression would be used – then months could go by without him contacting the kid- only did him to once again insist it was “a month ago”
I wonder is this the actual experience? Or narc denial?
Thanks HG- It seems most of that comes up related to wanting control. Or rebelling against other people trying to control them.
My mid ranger ex did not like being told what to do by bosses for instance.
Things would not be completed when asked. Things would be going down a track and then set “swirling” -Halfway plausible word salad would be offered by the narc… And people just don’t understand what’s going on. They offer fuel by becoming irritated and flummoxed-
I never quite understood it but now it’s easy to spot at work. there are several in management positions where I work who constantly sideline and swirl things. They just have to get their controlling hands on to everything.It’s amazing anything ever gets done. ( it barely does) because Nobody knows what they’re dealing with and doesn’t stand up to them. Ugh.
Great question Kathleen. I have the same anxious feeling to grab an opportunity while the door is open. You wonder why the narcissist is pissing away theirs. They seem so patient and nonchalant about time (until you try to pin them down!) all of which is thoroughly explained by HG in his answer. Another stellar representation of the differing world views.