The Desire To Destroy the Narcissist
I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you on that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.
You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull your hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you so deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need.
All you will do by obsessing over trying to bring me down is remain ensnared. True, we may no longer be in a Formal Relationship as husband and wife any longer, but you are continuing to engage with me. You are thinking about how to bring me down, you are discussing how hateful I am with your friends, you are stalking my online activity, you drive past where I work and where I live to see what I am doing as you plot and hatch. All you are doing is keeping me alive in your mind, making it easier and easier for me to stay there. Your emotional thinking was too high to begin with as a consequence of the ensnarement and then the unanswered questions when I disengaged from you. You failed to drain your emotional thinking. You failed to allow your logic to gain any kind of foothold. You have read, watched and listened but there is no room for it to sink in because your emotional thinking was too high and furthermore it remains too high. It remains too high because your desire to destroy me, to exact revenge and see me suffer keeps feeding that emotional thinking.
Round and round your thoughts go. You think you are feeling better, no longer sad, no longer hurting, but the anger that has replaced those feelings (or perhaps has temporarily overridden them) means that you have lost insight. Your emotional thinking has you in its grip. It, in its usual cunning way, has conned you into thinking that you have moved forward by causing you to think that this anger, this planning, this desire to destroy is evidence of progress and recovery.
It is not.
It is too soon. Too soon from your disengagement. Too soon from your escape. Too soon from the hoovering.
All you are doing is engaging with me once more. My reactions may seem one of anger and irritation, but that is just my self-defence mechanism responding in order to assert my superiority once again as I draw on your Challenge Fuel. You are not wounding me. I repeat, you are not wounding me.
Your attacks against me are surrounded by venom, anger and annoyance. Thus it is Challenge Fuel. This just fuels me and my responses cause you to think you are getting to me, you are not, those reactions are designed, an instinctive response by my narcissism, to make you think you are getting somewhere, to make you give me more fuel and to allow me to assert my superiority over you as that must always be done.
Your desire for revenge is premature. You must reduce your emotional thinking through a robust no contact, you must build your Logic Defences and allow them to gain a foothold and then bring that reduced emotional thinking under control. This takes time, many months, to achieve.
Yet once done, with that emotional thinking at a far lower level and with logic prevailing, any remaining desire to destroy (and often it has now faded with the diminution of emotional thinking) means that it will be deployed from a distance, with cool, hard calculation and if you do so in accordance with the steps set out in my work Revenge then you will avoid being ensnared, you will avoid messing up the revenge campaign and you are far, far more likely to meet with success.
But if you fail to heed these wise words and think you know better. If you think you are ready now to effect revenge, with ill-preparation and rampant emotional thinking then please do seek it.
You will not get it.
27 thoughts on “The Desire To Destroy the Narcissist”
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He was the one who tried to destroy me. He took my kindness for weakness. Little does he know that i am invincible. If i were an ordinary human-being i wouldn’t have survived after all the shit i had been through. I hate the fact that I was weak and powerless at the time when i was abandoned as i had a lot on my plate. But yes i won’t deny the fact that i want him to suffer for leading me on, making me feel like a crap and abandoning me when i needed him the most. I didn’t know that i am capable of hating someone as deeply as i hate him.
He betrayed me when least expected and i will do the same. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
AR, don’t waste anymore energy on him. You’re already the victor being rid of him. I’m sorry you were hurt when you needed someone. You have us. We’re always here to support your freedom, and calm peace of mind.
Thank you Kelly. I am still living and working abroad. It wasn’t hard to establish no contact as we were in a long distance. But i am going back to my home country because of my relative’s wedding. To be honest, i don’t want to go back as my family home will remind me of the past that i am struggling to let go of. I went through dark night of the soul after disengagement. Thanks to this blog and videos of HG, i finally felt understood.
P. S Talking about the revenge, i understand your point. Who knows my desire to get revenge might fade away before i go back. But if i find out that i was smeared, nothing will stop me from getting it.
The more you know and learn about narcissists, the less you want to destroy them. Knowledge leads to logic and logic leads to the end of emotional reactions or attachments. You literally stop caring. You start to become indifferent.
Now, I have very little anger or resentment when I think about narcs. I don’t want to destroy them. The main things I feel now (after a few years of awareness) are:
1. Annoyance that the predatory nature of narcissists means having to be on constant guard against manipulative people. It’s irritating that narcissists and their manipulative, controlling and offensive ways are tolerated in normal day to day life. Once you have awareness, it sometimes feels like having to tolerate attention-seeking or ignorant children trapped in adult bodies. It does make you have more tolerance and emotional control though.
2. Sadness that the personality disorder has distorted the potential of what the person could have been if they didn’t develop NPD. I sometimes try to imagine what kind of person they’d be without the NPD. Empathy and conscience go a long way in terms of what a person is like and how they behave, but they don’t make up the entire person. Sometimes, I find it sad that the narcissism overshadows the person’s other characteristics.
Nah, I won’t bother further with any further revenge except No Contact. I don’t want to waste my time and my energy drifting back in the past . I don’t feel any satisfaction doing harm intentionally or being malice.
I bought today the book Revenge because I treasure HG Tudor’s work. As usual ( reading his books) I was hooked up. But I won’t implement it because I will fall and I am going to explain why:
During my marriage I adopted some Narc’s tactics like silent treatment, criticism and ignoring him as a coping mechanism during the devaluation periods . And being a former athlete I am able to wear my poker face if I have to.
But I often failed giving a silent treatment and putting a poker face when I was a subject to the Narc’s anger and venomous verbal attacks . I soon learned to hide my tears so instead crying I was going outside the house saying nothing and I was lighting a cigarette. He would followed me up and would sitting next to me, smiling and looking at me with sarcasm and disgust .
Invariably my poker face mask would fail down and I would beg him do not stay near me whilst I was smoking.
Due to a health reason the Narcs didn’t smoke and I never wanted to expose him to the smoke.
So even when I wanted to play cool, my heart would betray me and would still care for the Narc’s health!
Even if I decide to seek a revenge, I would feel guilt and remorse after that I won’t celebrate the victory.
God give everyone what they deserve and soon or later you reap what you sow.
Honest and a useful example, alongside your exhibition of knowledge with regard to the question of revenge. Well done.
I don’t hate him , I don’t give him that pleasure !! I see him now as what he is : a worthless, evil individual !! Nothing more and nothing less.. Thank you H.G. you did a good job on me !
You are welcome.
It is the other way round in my case. The narcissist wants to destroy me.
EB, why does he/she, they, want you destroyed? Do you know more than what HG tells us here for your situation?
Narc noob,
Re: “why does he/she, they, want you destroyed? “
I can find more than one reason but the main one seems to be that I am the only individual she cannot control. I have observed how other people end up doing what she wants, even if this is contrary to their best interests and their families, their children. I like to help and to cooperate but what this individual wants is out of proportion. Also, I have been ignoring her and her malignant hoovers, including those of her Lieutenants (both malign and benign). I showed that I am not scared of the authorities (her Lieutenants) who have threatened and intimidated me for years, even though I find myself in a vulnerable position. She has been on a malign campaign against me for years. She has destroyed part of my life. She is one of those who will not stop until I either kill myself or end up in an institution.
I have met many narcissists in my life before but nobody like her, except for another narcissist I am able to avoid.
All other narcissists I have met are quite ‘benign’ in comparison.
Re: “Do you know more than what HG tells us here for your situation?”
I don’t, NarcNoob. The only way out would be to move but I can’t. I have already done it twice to get away from narcissists before. If I could, it would be to a similar place which means it is highly likely I will be targeted by a narcissist again.
Although there are safe places where people are more respectful to each other and it would be beneath them to behave in certain ways, I cannot afford living there anymore.
My anger has faded. I don’t hate you. I hated what you did, but I never hated you. I have no desire for revenge. I believe that you are possessed by some type of evil spirit that entered you as a child when you were abused and/or when you were put you on a pedestal. It prevents you from loving others, even from loving yourself. It gives you a constant thirst that you try to fill with FUEL, but your thirst is never quenched by Fuel for long, it never lasts. God created a void in everyone’s heart, so they would seek Him out. Only Jesus can fill that void. His love overflows and is everlasting. You want power? LOVE is more powerful than anything in heaven or on earth! Nothing compares to it. Love is from God and Jesus. Hate is from Satan. The power that you feel is temporary, constantly needing to be FUELED. You have been tricked by Satan into believing that’s what will fill the void in your heart. Now that I know what’s wrong with you, I pray daily that Jesus heals you, delivers you from the evil that possesses you. He casts out demons from those who are possessed. His miracles are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. In the end, good will always triumph over evil. I will continue to pray for your deliverance. I believe in Miracles.I’ve experienced and seen many Miracles first hand. They happen through prayer. In the meantime, I will maintain No Contact.
I agree, the void from disconnection from your Source make you seek out fuel. We need to pray for everyone to be connected again!
Thanks Anna Slama, “when two or more agree”…and we are! 🙂
Anna Slama, how do we personalize our thumbnail picture? The thumbnail showing now doesn’t let me click on it to change it.
Yes we do want to destroy our narcs but we know we shouldn’t so we just go no contact
That is logic.
Actually if one waits long enough they destroy themselves any way. Currently watching from afar my ex MRN’s empire crumble all due to his own destructive behaviour.
HG,
Why is Challenge Fuel and Negative Fuel so appealing to the narcissist, rather than pure Positive Fuel?
Challenge Fuel is invariably negative fuel.
There are three interactions with the narcissist
1. Pure fuel – positive or negative.
2. Challenge Fuel – usually negative
3. Wounding – no fuel.
Why is negative fuel more appealing than positive? Read “Fuel” the answer lies there.
Does wounding solicit a less thrustful
response HG? Like challenge fuel compels behavior—almost like an equation that must be completed. When a narcissist is wounded is the downfall for me less of a kick?
See “Fury”.
Back in November, when I first found KTN, I was REALLY desiring to destroy my Narcx. There were many ways that I could have done it. However, I followed the advice of HG and waited a certain amount of time before I considered exacting revenge.
Many months later, I have no desire to destroy or seek vengeance. I have no desire to reenter Narcx’s life at all.
Well done. That is logic and you abide by it because you have reduced your emotional thinking. HG approves.
Once again great job on the art work HG!
Thank you.