Nothing´s Impossible
There are times when even my charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch. This often happens when I have subjected a victim to a fierce period of devaluation so that they have been pushed to their limits and they are at breaking point. Something stirs inside of them which causes them to decide that they need to escape me. They may not fully understand why but they know that they need to depart. It may be the case that an external influence is interfering in my carefully laid plans of denigration and this meddling threatens to puncture or even sever my supply of delicious negative fuel. It is at these moments when I am staring at the potential loss of a succulent supply of fuel that I make a particular play in order to prevent the cessation of supply. In such circumstances I will ensure that there is only you and I and that the potential for external interference is at a minimum. I need to ensure that I have your undivided attention and there will not be somebody else seeking to throw a spanner into the works. I want them excluded and banished so that I can concentrate entirely on you and make my last throw of the dice.
“I know that this time I will have to change,” I will begin as I fix you with my most earnest of looks. You stop what you are doing and look at me and already I can see the indecision in your eyes as I start with this sentence. It is always a good opening gambit. You and your like love to think that we can change, that there is some goodness deep within us that can be harnessed and used to get us back on track. You are great believers in redemption.
“I need a miracle to help me this time, “ I continue as I underline the gravity of the task that I am faced with. By according such gravitas to your stated intention to depart, I demonstrate just how seriously I am taking your threat. Inside I am exploding with rage at your audacity in daring to even to suggest that you will leave me. Me, of all people, me who has done so much for you. It is everything I can do to contain the fury but I know I must do so for an explosion now will be what finally pushes you away.
“How did we come to be this far apart?” I ask fixing you with a pleading look. By underlining that we were once so close, nay inseparable, I am appealing to your desire to bring us back to that closeness once again. This also allows you a chance to talk and talk is something you like to do. I let you trot out all the perceived injustices that you have supposedly suffered at my hands. I hear little of it because I know that you are mistaken and this is all based on your incorrect perceptions of me. This time I just have to let it wash over me in order to allow my influence to exert itself over you. I cannot stand to be criticised and inside I am dying but I am taking this blow for the greater good, the greater good of ensuring this precious fuel supply remains intact.
“Just tell me what you need me to do and I will do it,” I trot out next, conning you into thinking that you have some vestige of power and authority over me, when of course you have none. Again in order to serve my own purposes I am content to allow you to think that you can bring some influence to bear over me. Again this will give you a chance to detail all of the changes and remedial behaviours you expect me to engage in. I will nod and make the appropriate noises as you ramble on about the changes you want me to effect. I pluck the lines which I have heard others use on so many occasions to enable me to continue my con. You are suckered by it on every occasion. I know it works and this is why I do it.
“I know we can get through this, nothing’s impossible,” I add as I take your hands and stare into your eyes. Invariably this line secures you giving me yet another chance and your relief eclipses my own as I know that I have you once again. Your joy at not parting provides me with even further fuel and I can allow you a brief golden period by way of reward. After all, you may as well enjoy it because it is not going to last for long is it?
215 thoughts on “Nothing´s Impossible”
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Hg Ihad the most vivid dream last night about you.
You were going to reveal your true identity to me through a series of codes , letters , and catch me if you can .Finally you were going to meet at a secret place and reveal and I woke up . Ahhhh
Oh it was such a real dream I was so disappointed to wake up and realise it was only a dream.
I am everywhere.
Fuel Fuel and more fuel they want it, crave it ,a need for survival! They will get it from anyone they can . Primacy source,secondary soures, and t sources ( brain fog forget the spelling )
The book Fuel covers all.that ! H.G. thank you so much for educating me I felt like I have taken a course in college. You have great expertise in what you do . The good doctors saw the talent in you so it was a good thing you went into therapy because it made you famous ,
You are most welcome Pati.
HG, why do many MRs express that they feel nervous of new situations or situations where they are having to engage with a new group of people? Are they feigning this? or do they actually feel it?
Pity Play and the anxiety is a manifestation of their perceived threat to control.
Life changer! I am going to have sooooooooooo much fun with this piece of information! You’re the best HG!
Forgot to hit receive comments. 🙃
Lorelei
You said you thought you responded to me? I have never in my life gone by HG!
Foolme—I took a little nap and when I woke up I was confused!
HG prior to silent treatment/discard would the narc manipulate the context of his verbal assault to control your behavior while they’re not around?
See House of Discards.
Thank you HG that explains a lot. He knows me too well after 8 years, and I know his routine as well. He knows exactly what to say to get his desired response. I go back every time thinking I need to make him see how wrong he was about me. If he believed these horrible things he would never be with me in the first place. I have realized reading here that I am the mask he needs though, I am the one that wears when he needs respect, credibility, class, intelligence and a list of all the things he loses when he discards me. I am so thankful to you for the information here. I had no words to put to the behaviors, now I do. I will continue my isolation (which is what I do and he knows it) reading and learning. You are doing a wonderful thing HG thank you so much!
Quote Of The Day: [ `I can compare HG only with a unique surgeon who can perform the most complicated surgery whilst other surgeons can just assist him passing the scalpel or a sterile gauze,`] ~~Claire
Top quote and accurate.
Dearest HG: Delightfully Picturesque, as well.
HG What happens if the hoovering doesn’t work ?
I take a lot and forgive a lot but I won’t be controlled and if I get to breaking point they have gone to far and sometimes there’s no return with breaking point
If the hoover fails to draw fuel, we are wounded and either try harder or break off and try elsewhere. It will push the hoover bar higher (for a time) meaning (all else being equal) a reduced risk of a hoover thereafter.
HG, have you ever heard of Sam Vaknin?
Who?
Sam Vaknin is a Psychopath Narcissist who teaches a therapy method and treats Narcs successfully with “Cold Therapy”. At 9 years old, his IQ was 185.
I know who he is, it was a joke. Cold therapy does not work.
Slight clarification, I don’t think Vaknin “treats NPD successfully.” He says it is not curable. His therapy theory is aimed at controlling symptoms/behaviors. Since no behavior modification is possible without acknowledgement of the behavior, I’m assuming only the rare self-aware narc would be in the position to even try these methods. I dunno anything about folks who have tried it & whether they had any success though.
Thank you for the clarification. That makes more sense. A handful of people have stated it is seems as a cure so either it has been touted as such (wrongly) or been read as such (wrongly).
In the videos I watched, Sam presented Cold Therapy as a successful treatment that takes 2-3 months to complete and taught it to professionals at a seminar beginning in 2017. Being as that is fairly recent, I was inquiring as to whether you knew about it and what you thought of it, since you are an expert on the subject. New discoveries are made every day. For me, personally, I live in an ever changing world due to the Mandela Effect (it’s a Quantum phenomenon), which is like living in the Twilight Zone. It’s completely real and millions of us are affected. Even professionals have come forward about it. Our realities keep changing. History keeps changing. Things happen that are supernatural and otherwise impossible. What does the M.E. have to do with NPD? Today there is no treatment for NPD, but tomorrow there may be. That’s how it works. There were always 4 people in JFK’s car in Dallas in 1963, the car was a 4-seater convertible, the Zapruder film was in black and white,…until one day there were 6 people in the car, now a stretched limousine, the Zapruder film is now in color and everything happened differently. That’s how the M.E. works. Those of us affected didn’t dream it up, we’re not nuts, and we’re not misremembering. We’re from different realities. I only mention it here, because as I said, things in our realities keep changing, so I had to ask what you knew about Sam Vaknin and the Cold Therapy he claims is successful. Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it.
I do not see how it can work given the nature of narcissism as the defence mechanism and the fact you cannot replicate what happened in the past to the same extent as now.
Hi HG, Thanks very for the reply. Your articles are fascinating and so helpful. I’ve been reading them as you post them. I wish we could speak to the professionals who attended Sam’s seminar to see if they tried his method and what outcome resulted. Is the method a disaster or helpful? I’m very curious about it. Unrelated: What results have hypnotherapy sessions had on Narcs? I guess I should research it. I’m just curious. I posted a comment/question to you on your July (?) post about Sex and the Narcissist! OMG, your book on it is powerful! (As are all of your writings on Narcs!) Amazing and enlightening! You’re our Moses! 🙂
Dearest HG: Thank you for your gracious response regarding the work of Sam V. And your tact is appreciated. I found much knowledge in his work. However, I personally need the more accessible and dynamic and personal approach that you bring to the field, and I appreciate all the accuracy and breakthroughs that you are bringing, of course. And, HG, you verily personify Noblesse Oblige with your deportment in the field, throughout all your many mediums that reach out to multitudes of readers from all walks of life, and thus your great reach combined with your great accessibility is also part of your great legacy.
Thank you
HG—which would be more hilarious—a date with Sam or “truck boy?” I’m thinking the after party would be disappointing for either character. Sam wouldn’t talk to me, “truck boy”’would want a hand job!
Knowing you, you would go for the three way!
No I would not! I don’t want to sleep with women! I tried and was horrible at it! Omg. And two men—no! Dirty!
Once again Lorelei, if you don’t want to do it, why keep talking about it? 🙃
I do want sex. I don’t want a boyfriend. I will inevitably be stuck with an alien in a human body suit if I attempt a casual relationship though—it’s annoying. You know how hot these few men are? Christ. It’s impossible! One is absolutely stunning and tall and perfect. The other is brilliant.
Just remember if these men are not Greaters, you will be doing all of the work anyhow. Best to stay with your toy, besides batteries are much cheaper and you don’t have the mind fucking afterwards!
Lorelei, forget about sex. I just found out I’m going to London. Tate Gallery is preparing a fabulous exhibition of the printed illustrations of one of my all-time favorite poets, William Blake! I just called my friend, it’s a plan. Wanna join us?
Sure, when?
The exhibition is between September and February of next year. I must not miss this, in fact I was super tired after last night but got the alert from Tate and got crazy awake all of a sudden. I’m looking for dates and flights.
I can’t swing one more excursion until April. I scheduled a ski trip in Feb just last night and I’m depleted on time away. (I haven’t gone skiing but will be now..)
I bought it already. London calling! Blake, here I go, wait for me! Skiing<London.
I’m in London next spring. (And Paris) China/Thailand/Phuket upcoming, California/Lake Tahoe, Michigan, my Louisville retreat, Chicago event just before Xmas. My boss will kill me.
Why? You’re not taking 80 days off, right?
Are you planning on 80’days Sweetest?! I am attempting to be off all of June next year!
Haha no! I was thinking of Jules Verne after I read your previous comment.
“Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained”
…”and the restrainer or reason usurps its place & governs the unwilling.” The Marriage of Heaven and Hell. Though I love Songs of Innocence and Songs of Experience. “Tyger, tyger, burning bright…” Blake was a visionary and people called him crazy.
My narc always made fun of me for liking Blake. But now I know he is a lesser. Of course lessers will never get Blake’s brilliant mind.
HG—I thought Foolme was the respondent and thought I replied to her! (I took a brief nap and woke up discombobulated) Ok. The bond would be so special with truck boy I could never invade the bed of the truck with Sam. Just imagine. A six pack of half warm Busch beer in the truck and a few gas station hot dogs.. A warm embrace.. The magic is too special for cerebral Sam. Sam 1:1 would not be worthy of my effort because he probably is “done” before his pants are unbuckled.
Hi FYC, Thanks for the reply. My post was just an inquiry to HG about SV since SV is new to me. I’m only interested in the outcome of his research. I believe in that saying, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. 🙂
Samantha,I have studied philosophy and psychology as core subject during my tertiary studies. I had read numerous articles about the office psychopaths due to the specific of my job . I am able to spot false accomplishments in one’s resume or non existent degree/ qualification, when the candidate cheats about their experience during a job interview instantly. Yet I was not able to realise to whom I have been married until I discovered HG Tudor’s blog.
HG Tudor is a unique mastermind; such a tremendous intellect that cannot be compared. This is not a flattery whatsoever. I can compare HG only with a unique surgeon who can preform the most complicated surgery whilst other surgeons can just assist him passing the scalpel or a sterile gauze.
My respect to Sam Vaknin but HG is the champion.
I can’t describe how much I have learnt from HG’s books, articles, audio, etc .
This is the best place to learn about narcissism.
Thank you Claire.
I wish we wouldn’t trash SV here just because we like HG more. His work is good, it’s analytical not a personality site, but a resource, and it’s where i first discovered narcissism before being astounded by HG’s YouTube and finding my way here. HG’s on a whole different level of help, and comparing what they offer is like apples to oranges. I don’t have to like S to respect his work. What HG does for the world with his work is mind boggling amazing, it’s personal, it’s a verb, it’s real life action, it’s been therapy for me. He counsels us, debates with us, reads every post, and makes sure there isn’t anything that needs correcting. I guess he’s right when he says he’s an ultra, I can’t imagine any other narcissist giving us so much respect as he does. We’re very lucky to have him.
Thank you Kel. People are expressing their opinions as they do of me, either here or elsewhere. SV and i have different approaches as he is a Cerebral Greater. He is, like I, honest about what we are and we should be and are regarded as reliable resources from our kind, but conveying it differently and with differing levels of accessibility and effectiveness.
Kel, I agree with you (and with your adorable puppy avatar). I think HG’s success resides on his extraordinary ability to connect with his Empath audience. As Empaths, we do need connection, interaction, communication. Plus HG is incredible creative and his mixing of intermedial venues and diverse educational tools (podcasts, polls, articles, graphic designs, detector consultations) keep us always entertained. SV’s method is too self-centered and his information is too denotative. He lacks HG’s inventive and resourceful genius.
SP, I agree. I’m just saying the two aren’t comparisons, they’re completely different. I find SV’s writing helpful and I respect it. HG is so beyond that, it’s personal, serious, humorous, life saving. I don’t think you have to choose between them. I don’t remember the last time I read SV, but it’s been helpful to me so I appreciate his work. HG’s work goes far beyond, it’s creative and illustrative and he’s present, he comments, consults and takes interest in each of us.
Bingo!
Kel2day
I didn’t trash S.V because I like HG more. I gave my opinion of him which I formed before I found HG. I found S.V boring, condescending, confusing, and that he did not represent the narcs that I had encountered and therefore I did not trust the information he was giving and he had me just about give up looking for any more if he was supposed to be the real deal. Since then, he has done nothing to change my mind about him. He’s been rude to people in Q & As and he acted like a baby in pulling out of one of the tele summit or forums that HG and other speakers were slated to guest on. Points for admitting what he is but he is not a good rep or spokesperson for bringing narcissism into the mainstream and educating people about it unless he finds a way to do that subliminally while you sleep through his monotone monologues. I flatlined a couple times while listening to him and he made me want to run straight into the arms of a narcissist to breathe life back into me.
Just to be clear: I don’t like him.
When will you be getting off that fence NA?!
HG
Haha. I really should work on not waffling. It’s just that I’m shy you see.
NA—he did have quite a pity party on IG recently as well. I don’t follow him but peaked and it was a huge pity party re, how he empowers the abused women and he isn’t given credit. It was drenched in a
lack of awareness as to the extent of behaviors he demonstrates.
Lorelei
See? He’s a complete leather cheerio.
A leather Cheerio!
Lorelei, yes. His posts are pity party diatribes. They are for him to decree and for his followers to “listen”. He is not to be questioned or challenged regarding the content. That is the way he wants his IG platform. I think he’s confused as to what IG is for. Although, he does demonstrate textbook narcissistic behavior so it is educational. I don’t like or dislike him. I feel sorry for the abuse he endured. I find it interesting that a man of his intelligence cannot “see” himself. That’s the difference in he and HG.
Exactly MB. He’s aware to an extent but not a particularly useful extent. He’s not able to call out his own behavior. Example—somewhere HG wrote he (himself) was (I’m paraphrasing) bordering on a victim stance due to suggesting his treatment was forced on him. I know I read this—like HG was able to recognize stating being forced was maybe a bit off-kilter because he knew he ultimately participated in his own life choices and how these were perceived by family. I only looked at his page because someone active in the narcissism circuit was passive aggressive and didn’t send me something I asked for twice. She did it because she doesn’t like HG so was punishing me by proxy of her disgust toward him. I was curious to see who she followed on the “narcissist circuit” on IG and ironically Mr. Sam popped up. Essentially HG disgusts her and Sam is ok?? Interesting. I then clicked on Sam’s pity party and had enough education from HG to see the behavior. I’m even aware of my own behavior from this trajectory. I’ll call out my own. 1.—I need to stop my push/pull with narcissistic men. (It is an addiction and will get me no where) 2. My emotional thinking is high by relishing in the nonsense of my ex’s life. 3. I am arrogant enough I need to look at more humility myself. 4. I need to throw boundaries out like crazy and it is improving on an interpersonal level but there is tons to do. 5. I over schedule out of perfectionist tendencies that correlate with my improved energy levels. **I lack self care. It’s a boundary problem within myself that is an issue. 6. I fail to give myself any credit often enough. Sweetest said awhile back that this situation opened up a portal
of self discovery and I relate 100%.
Lorelei, I mean this in the most loving way, but I suspect you’re manic or hypomanic. Maybe from shift work? I’m not kidding in my usual MB way. I really am concerned for your well being.
I’m sufficiently reasonably funded due to a family matter and hard (sometimes!) work and I’ve been shopping my entire life. No dips in packages to coincide with depressive episodes. Sleep is rough—but not when I’m off. Appreciate you! I’m well aware of how a parallel could be perceived so get the concern—it’s just me. I over extend due to perfectionism and get exhausted. A lack of balance—not a mood disorder. I also work days/nights/evenings.. I would love to work in the day only but there are reasons mainly involving the kids well being that come into play. I recognize over scheduling as a huge issue. Each child also has several activities weekly—it’s inherently exhausting without my social life added to the mix.
NA, Didn’t mean to get your fur up, and I didn’t even know you commented on him. I don’t feel that emotional about it, but I do appreciate his input. I’m unceasingly grateful to HG for the real work he’s put into helping me. The two don’t compare as one is a reference book and the other is alive and real.
Kel2day
Haha. No fur up here Kel, that’s just me giving my personal opinion of S.V in my language. It does not take away anything of value that you or anyone else gets from his work while he prattles on. It probably speaks more to my attention span as I felt like I was wading through another medical journal while reading his stuff as opposed to HG’s writing which I have described as little clouds to nestle my brain in while I am entertained, awed, and educated.
Don’t read me in angry font ALL the time lol. It’s more like sarcastica font for my humour.
NA, “sarcastica font” 🤣 Love it!
NA I did not trash anyone either, and I agree with your observations. My issues with that resource is that he takes creative license with data and reports it inaccurately to serve his purposes (he is not the first or only to do this) and accuracy, evidence and truth matter. If HG did the same I would highlight that as well, but I have never seen evidence of that with him.
NA I also hope you and HG continue to freely express your humor as I so enjoy it. In fact so much so, and so frequently, I will make a dollar donation to the Angel Fund for every funny comment I read here. I am away a lot now for reasons beyond my control, but already I owe a few dollars within an hour today. Win win.
The collecting tin is jingling FYC!
“The collecting tin is jingling FYC!”
It certainly is, and I’m most grateful for the laughs!
I’ll trash SV a little bit because I have personal experience. I started following SV on IG when HG came into his own on IG. His articles demonstrated his disorder in living color. I posted a question to him one time and he mocked me in a belittling fashion and dismissed my question. I continued to follow him but didn’t ask any more questions as I am not a masochist. I would watch the comments. They would appear and then disappear! He deleted the ones he didn’t like. The ones with glowing accolades would remain. So I made a comment like does anybody else notice comments sometimes disappear? He deleted my comment. I stopped following him. I respect his work and his awareness, but he is a narcissist with a capital N. He treats his followers like crap and then whines about not getting recognition for all he has done. He can’t see HE is the reason people don’t like him. He may be a Greater, but he is definitely not self aware. Or rather, I should say, he is unwilling to see that it is he that needs to make changes. His narc blindness is plain to see if you follow his IG. (If he still even has it.)
HG
When you google sam vaknin, directly below the first link it says: people also search for……and there is a picture of Sam with the name H G Tudor under it.
This must be rectified.
Indeed it must, I am sure our web savvy Tudorites will have Google brought to heel.
Hello Claire, Yes, HG is brilliant and an excellent teacher on the subject of NPD, absolutely! That’s why I’m here, to learn. HG has rescued many of us, certainly me! Sam Vaknin is on a different path. His motives are to find a treatment to relieve himself and others of NPD. One is a teacher, the other is searching for a break through. It’s not a competition. It’s about sharing information and new discoveries on NPD.
For what it’s worth, I much prefer your delivery to his, HG. Your work is engrossing, enlightening and entertaining. Triple E threat!
Thank you.
And yes, Google will be brought to heel. 😉
Hi Samantha, IQ has greatest variance in childhood. Having worked with many high IQ people, I believe I can fairly guess that HG is well north of 185 (not that it matters) and further HG is far more self/other aware, affording him greater EQ even as a N.
With regard to cold therapy (cryotherapy used to re-traumatize a narcissistic in an effort to approximate their original trauma to effect a resolution of the original injury) not only does this seem far fetched, it is also seems at odds with published neuroscience studies. That said, it is neither inconsistent, nor surprising, for a narcissist to claim success where there is little or no scientific evidence to support such a statement of ‘fact.
What were your thoughts?
FYC, HGs official IQ is somewhere on the blog. K could tell you what it is. EQ is the most important factor to the ability to live in society in my opinion.
I respect SVs work in the field, but he’s an utter asshole and has no idea how to relate to human beings. HG is charming and relatable and his books are written in a form that the people who need the information can actually use.
Hi MB & thank you. SV is not worthy of comparison to HG. His work is highly questionable and I agree with your assessment on personality vs. the lack thereof. HG is so far beyond on every scale. My fave quote on SV belongs to Narc Angel. Very funny and spot on.
MB
Astute assessment of Sam V.
Another wanker.
MB and FYC
HG mentions his IQ in one of the 2017 Q & As, if I remember correctly, it’s 134 and he scored a 1 on the HSP test.
I find that score hard to believe as accurate given what HG clearly demonstrates. If he took the authentic test, he may wish to retake it if he cares about a number, as any score is affected by a variety of elements and all scores are also given a range due to this variance. Lastly, scores are not static and vary over time. That said, regardless of number, HG’s combo of IQ and EQ provide him a superior set of skills that he uses quite effectively.
FYC
His EQ is exceptional.
It certainly is.
Mb and FYC
https://narcsite.com/2017/09/08/ask-the-question-2/ (located on older comments)
Narcaddict says:
July 2, 2016 at 21:14
HG, I’m curious if your doctors have administered an IQ test and if so, results?
HG Tudor says:
July 3, 2016 at 09:46
Hello Narcaddict, no they have not done so. They know they are dealing with someone intelligent who won’t behave like some goggle-eyed epsilon semi-moron and I understand they had access (thanks to my sister) to a test I took a little while ago.
Carrier Empath January 2018
Caroline says:
January 15, 2018 at 13:45
I was curious what “HSP” was, so went online to see… found the test, took it – got a 24 too.
HG Tudor says:
January 15, 2018 at 14:19
I scored 1.
Hi K, Hope all is wonderful in K-land. Thank you for the posts. HG was funny with his purported HSP score—but if that test were adjusted for N sensitivity, he would do very well since he is keenly aware of everyone and everything in his surroundings.
My pleasure FYC
Everything is well in K-land, thank you. Ha ha ha…I agree; he would do very well. Better than most people, I think.
Cold Therapy? They could put S.V in an iceberg and he’d still come out the dry prick asshat that he is.
Lol NA, Just another reason why you are so loved by all…your wonderful way with words. I would think the iceberg would actually warm his character a bit.
No, he’s Rainman. I think SV is tedious and confusing. Sometimes he contradicts himself. And he definitely doesn’t have any sense of humor which to me is essential if you want my attention. NA, that’s funny btw.
Hello SP, Agreed. I also take issue with his loose application of other data to serve his assertions.
Hello FYC, Sam is a Narcissistic Psychopath who has studied NPR for years in an attempt to find a successful treatment so he himself can be treated, which I’m sure you already know. His motives are reasonable, and given he has a very high IQ, someday he might accomplish it. What seems impossible today may be possible tomorrow. I didn’t mention Sam’s IQ in comparison to HG. I only mentioned it in case HG hadn’t heard of him. And if that were the case, it was my way of saying, he’s smart, he’s not an idiot. Maybe there’s something to his claims. Who better to ask about it than HG? Although HG is absolutely brilliant and a top expert on NPDs, someday someone else might discover a break through. In the future, if anyone else claims to have discovered a successful treatment for NPD, I will ask HG if he’s heard of it. New discoveries are made every day. I’m a researcher, and I happened to stumble onto Sam’s videos while I was researching something related. You never know what’s just around the corner. 🙂
Hello Samantha, I appreciate and applaud your efforts to research NPD. I also appreciate you and others would like to find a cure for NPD. I was uncertain why you brought up an IQ number in general and thought you may be making a comparison and my response reflects that assumption. What I am primarily taking issue with in regard to SV, is his approach and his assertions because they are not consistent with a very large amount of data in numerous fields. I am not judging SV’s “trying” at all, I am commenting on his theories, approach/methods (especially in contrast to extant data) and his conclusions. If others find his work helpful I am genuinely happy for them to the extent that they are not lead towards misinformation or false hope, and as a result possibly remain in an abusive situation.
I haven’t read Sam Vankin but we must remember that HG is not connecting with us .
He doesn’t do connections unless it suits his purpose.
We are the ones connecting with him,
I adore this blog but we must be careful not see HG as the caring one .Its weird though because sometimes
I feel HG has some sort of care for his posters , but that cannot be can it .He doesn’t feel these emotions.
Kiki
Kiki, when I said “connect” I meant he totally gets us and knows how to convey his message in a way it’s useful and efficient for us. I wasn’t talking about emotional connection for obvious reasons. I am not delusional about that and have never idealized HG in that manner. He is pretty straightforward and I believe him. I agree with you that is important to remember. All the time.
SP, for the record, I got that and never thought otherwise of you (though I have seen it in others, so it is a worthy caution for some).
Hi Kiki, I am not implying HG cares or does not care. I am stating he has obvious aptitudes that serve him well. EQ is not about empathy, it is a skill set/ability to recognize ones own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately. HG demonstrates this skill regularly. Inferring any personal caring or emotional empathy by a N would be projecting my own view and experience and I do not do that since reading HG’s illuminating works.
HG certainly has a range of feelings, just not those of emotional empathy (per his own words).
With Ns, think of affinity more in terms of usefulness or appreciation for meeting their prime aims versus caring.
There is also the inconvenient and often unmentioned fact that many of high intelligence do not score well on I.Q. tests, because they see the many flaws within the test. A national test creator informed me of this during a private conversation I had with him at a private club that I am a member. Also, many do not take tests well as a personality. However, I would rather `test the test` when it came to H.G. Tudor. For example, I would rather see HG, hypothetically, take many I.Q. tests, and any establishment`s I.Q. test that did not score HG at the highest level, should be immediately trashed. The test cannot determine the person. Many Universities also award Honorary Degrees with the mindset, also, that reality in life, trumps a certificate or exam score. There is great controversy regarding such testing behind closed doors, because the Universities are churning out great test takers, rather than great innovations during the past few decades. Whatever HG Tudor scores on any exam, cannot alter or highlight the fact that to me that he is a bonafide Genius. Regarding his Genius: The evidence is before me (this sounds like a phrase that would sound better in Latin than in English).
Kel
Apologies if my Sam V. = wanker comment offended you and I agree with you regarding like and respect of an author (whether academic or not) but I stand by my original statement.
I haven’t seen or read much of his work in recent years though I did read an early edition of Malignant Self Love- about 10 years ago. I couldn’t extrapolate his work to my Narc at the time, no surprise as he’s a midranger, in fact, it made me doubt my intuition about my ex. The only thing I came away with from reading his book was maintaining distance as a management tactic. At that point in time, I came to the conclusion, along with a psychologist, that my ex was definitely narcissistic but not the morose, supply draining entity Sam portrayed in that book. I’m sure there are many readers who were led up the garden path to further confusion and continued entanglement by Sam AND psychologists/therapists.
Does Sam advocate no contact these days?
Hi Tappi
Thank you for your comment. I don’t really want to go into this subject more. I’m not promoting SV, but as HG said they are both honest about what they are. S is older and so was on the scene earlier and his work was the first of its kind. He’s a cerebral so it’s an encyclopedia of information, not entertaining. To answer your question, yes he does say to goso in his own more formal wording. Readers may not have read much of his work as you said you haven’t or they might find it too painstakingly drab to get through, but then attack the good work he did because they don’t like the man. I tried to find him on IG yesterday after reading your other comment but couldn’t find him. There were a lot of others using his name along with narcissism. Anyway S taught me about narcissism and I poured through his writings as best as I could, and I still from time to time will go back to read what he says about something. Since HG arrived on the scene, he has taken narcissism to new levels and presented it in an illustrative way that everyone can relate to by writing it as short stories and then allowing us to comment and ask questions. He’s given us therapy and actually escorts each of us across the emotional sea. There’s no comparison of the two. I respect both of them for revealing what narcissism is. I’m in awe of HG, there’s no comparison, no need to defend him against another or disrespect the good work of another.
It’s hilarious how the spartan life coach (honestly can’t remember his name) has latched onto Sam V. The spartan guy is dubious. Brannon? Grannon? Both have Steve as a first name? Either way they’re both wankers.
Forgot again
✅ Done and done
Bloody hell, I didn’t select it-again.
Time for bed. Goodnight!
Sappi, Pappi, whatever your name is… (does it matter really)…. well done on your in-depth research which led to your “wanker” conclusion.
FYI Richard Grannon is a QUALIFIED psychologist who works out of University of Liverpool specialising in CPTSD (amongst other thing) specifically dealing with people who have suffered at the hands of narcissists (himself included) and has helped many, MANY people, much like HG, in overcoming narcissistic abuse.
HG…. you seem to be on the blog 24/7 these days.. new articles, fabulous new graphic.. Thank God we have you…a million thanks to you and all you do HG ….xx
Yes A123
A QUALIFIED psychologist couldn’t possibly be dubious.
Pfft to you.
Tappi, like I say, you should do your research before you start calling people you clearly know nothing about “wankers” or you might end up being called one yourself.
You have a great day.
Z321
How do you know what research I’ve done? Or what I do and don’t know?
Try not assuming. Seems I’ve touched a sore spot for you.
It’s my opinion. Goading me for answers will make me dig my heels in. I won’t be divulging what ‘research’ I’ve done on him. A university posting is no indicator of intelligence or benevolence. Especially at present. I know this because I have worked in academia. For several years.
Tappi,
Referring to someone as Steve Brannon when their name is Richard Grannon is the big giveaway here.
To me it was a throw away comment, a pathetic attempt at humour to discredit both men and when called out on it you simply don’t like it.
Yes, you are entitled to your opinion, as we all are, and in my short interaction with you I have formed the opinion that you are indeed what you claim others to be – a wanker – regardless of where you have worked.
Hi A383
I apologise for offending you with my Grannon wanker comment. It was thoughtless and flippant. He may very well be helping people and if so, that’s great. I watched many of his YouTube videos a couple of years ago, before discovering HG. I personally found him disorganised and meandering in style and in one video he stated he thought he could be a narcissist, in an almost confessional whisper. It reminded me of the times when my ex had similar confessions. HG has a post about this- sorry HG, the name of it escapes me at the moment.
Please know I’ve got myself into trouble with my offhand remarks regarding another narcissistic abuse expert a few months back. Again, I had watched many of her videos and read a couple of her publications, and again, most of her info and her style wasn’t for me. Likewise, before discovering HG. My bannon/grannon remark was genuinely off the cuff. I like to think I have a highly tuned bullshit detector but maybe I’m deluding myself.
I will endeavour to be more thoughtful in my comments in future.
I have watched a couple of SVs videos as well and his pomposity turned me off and, as mentioned earlier, malignant self love was of little use or application to my particular situation.
Tappi,
Apology accepted.
It always takes guts to say sorry and I admire you for it and of course you’re not a wanker. This post more than proves it.
I realise Richard isn’t for everyone and you’re right, some of his earlier work was meandering and disorganised. Absolutely it was. But he has evolved and his teaming up with Vaknin is/was only a small part of his work.
He would be the only other person I would listen to other than HG and even then I’d still pick HG over him each and every time. No question.
But I believe him to be a genuine person – all scousers are – and he makes me laugh.
It’s my birthday today so I’ll make another wee donation to HG’s Angel fund in your honour Tappi and look forward to reading all your future posts.
Take care and best wishes to you. x
Happy Birthday A383
Best birthday wishes to you. May it be an enjoyable one!
I’m really chuffed I inspired you to make a donation to angel assistance xo
I still believe in love at first sight.
Even the stars look brighter tonight.
I hope everyone knows this is a Depeche Mode song. I’m not trying to flirt with HG. Not my style.
Yes you are you big flirt!!
How many times have you seen theming concert HG?
Sorry should specify. How many times have you seen depeche mode live in concert?
A lot, I will have to tot it up.
Me???? I’m an angel! Or I play to be…
***another DM reference guys, still no flirting here.
SP, you certainly know your DM.
FYC, you bet I do. I’ve been a huge fan since I was “Little 15.” Plus, no one has ever been able to pull off white jeans as sexily as Dave Gahan 🖤
I agree on the white jeans!!! 🔥
I’ll flirt with you Sweetest! It’s the closest thing I am allowed these days!
Hahaha but I don’t want to flirt!!! With anyone in this blog! Though your hair looks so silky these days, Lorelei.
You just cannot resist Sweetest! Just imagine running your fingers through it! Haha. Omg
Seriously? What does it feel like? Tell me more. Ok stop I said I wouldn’t.
You can’t stop yourself can you? I’ll do a Tawny Kitaen car hood rendition and you’ll be a mess!
Do you really think with all of the time she puts into it she would let you touch it SP? Not a chance! Lol
I don’t use hairspray Foolme—it’s a free for all! It’s funny hair even came up—I think the culprit was the photo last week. (We don’t show our entire faces here most of the time so the hair was a good way of covering my face yet having some personal touch remaining..) You can run your fingers through it anytime.
When a picture is filtered it doesn’t matter how much of you is shown silly goose, it’s not really you anyhow.
I’m sorry Lorelei, I already promised my fingers to SP! However thank you for the offer. 🥰
Sweetest has your fingers?
There had best not be a response to this.
Hahaha no worries, HG.
Oh yes! She’ll probably be upset that I told!
I mean, it’s not classy, but whatever. Let the world know!
🥰💃
Not required.
?
FM1T, he was letting you know you didn’t need to answer the finger question. Which you did nonetheless. Lol.
I didn’t mean to SP. I wasn’t reading the thread, I was just looking at comments that came into me. I didn’t see the one that he replied not to respond. I usually pretty good at angering him, without even trying! 🤦🏼♀️
I’m not sure what you mean by this statement sir?
HG
I didn’t see your comment that read, there better not be a response to this. I’m sorry!
No problem FM1T
Thanks HG.
The filters only remove gross imperfections Foolme! Ghastly wrinkles and such..
Stop!!
That’s not what you told me Sweetest?
Shhh, don’t kiss and tell, FM1T!
I couldn’t help myself Sweetest! 😍
No you’re not!!!!!!! May 2020! No men or women! 😘
I don’t really want any women Foolme! Ugh to be honest! Like who would take out the trash? How is that issue decided? I swear it’s a conspiracy of roadblocks keeping me chaste. A plot. Now HG up and announces that sex only takes place between healthy people in a relationship. (Somewhere on here) Who wants to go to all that trouble? Who wants someone around more than once a week for 2.35 hours?
Hahaha! I couldn’t tell you that Lorelei because I sure don’t. You should probably stop even thinking about until next year anyhow. Lol
I can’t help it. They are everywhere!
Stop looking for them.
I am not looking! They are crawling out of garbage cans.
Lorelei,
It’s like when you buy something new because you’ve never seen anyone have anything like it before, color, size, etc. after you purchase it, you see that same item everywhere!
I bought periwinkle and French blue earrings last night.
Ground breaking.
Remember—I wear pajamas to my work. Something has to make it exciting. I can at least wear earrings with the pajamas.
Of course you did! Hahaha 😘
I actually love to hear when you buy new earrings Lorelei. 🤗
HG
Does Electric shock work? Not for the narcissist, for the addicted empath? Probably not. I think a lobotomy is the only answer!
I had never decided my relationships based on who takes the trash out, but now that you mention it, I will start taking that angle into consideration. Ah, perspectives perspectives…
I do agree that Dave Gahan has mesmerizing bottom 🙂
How did I miss this high-priority comment? Let’s talk about Dave Gahan’s derrière, si’l vous plait!!! I’m sure HG would approve.
No I would not.
Understood.
Censorship.
Relevance.
I could make a list of the million things that people talk about that are irrelevant but I won’t in favor of something better: brevity.
I am all for brevity, hence I enforced what I stated previously and exercised brevity with regard to your comment.
I know. But I ended up talking about what I wanted.
Mr Gahan has asked me to object to him being objectified.
I am pleased you managed to state what you wanted to state and I am pleased it went no further. You see, this is a place of benign dictatorship.
Hahaha you got me there, Tudor. No more objectification on my part.
HG approves.
HG, focusing on narc matters now: I just learned that my narc suggested to his boss the idea of opening a position in my area of expertise, which they have done. We actually talked about this idea when we were entangled but I never thought he would act on it, especially post-escape. The position has been taken by another person, I could not really apply for it due to a lot of professional reasons, and I’m glad I don’t have to work with him in the end. However, this is sending my ET above the sky, and as much as I want to keep my feet on the ground, I can’t stop thinking about it. I need a figurative slap in the face to wake me up from this temporary -I hope- state of stupidity, please.
Understood SP. Arrange to speak with me and I will give you the logic to slap figuratively the ET out of your mind.
I certainly will, HG. I actually had to fight my ET yesterday against driving around his workplace. Not proud of my ET, but proud of myself for not doing it in the end.
Well done
SP,
Nothing changed for you in the meanwhile, you had no contact with him. It’s just a change in his workplace configuration which has nothing to do with you. Your ET has no reason to start messing around. Kick it back in its place.
Working there would have only made things worse for you. Celebrate being free and away from there.
You did not drive around his workplace. Celebrate this and be proud of yourself. You’ve already won a fight against your ET.
You are smart, logical, optimistic and tenacious. You’ll manage this for sure.
I admire your sense of humor, I can’t wait to hear you joking about this in a few days from now, when you’ll be over this little bump. 🙂
Aw thank you so much, Abe! I always say I am really stubborn but tenacious sounds so much better! And yes I’m very optimistic. As I was driving yesterday a couple of tears made an attempt to show up, but I talked to my stupid ET and said: “You are gonna cry for this idiot? Who are you, fucking Adele now? Put yourself together, woman!” And I went to buy some clothes, which always helps. Narc is a narc is a narc is a narc (I love Gertrude Stein). And always will be, that’s the real logic! Thanks for your encouragement, Abe! 💕
…and I like the oxymoron, despite my disbelief in that form of regime.
I meant to say: I do agree that Dave Gahan has a mesmerizing bottom, an amazing ass, glutes to gaze upon. Apologies my 6% geyser cadre took over…
I’m not very aware of their music Sweetest—I only recognize some of it.
Lorelei
They are amazing!
I’ll check this out more in depth but I’m not overwhelmed. I’ve done one hour of work in nine so I have time.
I love Depeche Mode but haven’t listened to them in a while. HG, you should add a higher tier to your consultations called “Your own personal Jesus” 😉
Very good fox! 🙃
Fox, he has an article: https://narcsite.com/2019/04/01/a-personal-jesus-9/
If you are a DM fan you can find a lot of references to their songs/albums in HG’s work. Which I enjoy enormously.
Oh, ha! I missed that one. Thanks SP!
Man, oh, man… You hit the nail on my day ……😶
I really dislike some 80s music including Depeche mode , I particularly hate the Cure though . Eeekk
Sorry HG .
I’m no fan of The Cure. Grown man wearing make up.
Grown man wearing make up is a very heteronormative statement, HG. Men wear make up these days. Dave Gahan wears eyeliner, for the record.
I know but it’s subtle, Robert Smith’s is not. I don’t wear make up. But I do apply it liberally.
Haha Robert Smith looks like me the morning after partying hard and forgetting to remove mine. Blue eyes look remarkably intense with a little bit of eyeliner, HG, in case you want to try new things. I think I opened Pandora’s box here, hope this doesn’t start a makeup tutorial. Gotta go, I’m going for cocktails. Let’s hope I don’t wake up tomorrow with my lipstick over my lip lines, unlike some dude we know… happy Friday everyone!
Am I the only one that got this HG? Or is my mind going in another direction once again? Lol
You’ll have to be explicit, FM1T
It’s ok HG, just from your comment I can tell that I was on the wrong page.
FM1T you were not the only one but I’m a lady so I ignored it.
Thank goodness!
Sweetest—I’ve nearly given formal eyeliner products up in favor of using a narrow width brush and applying tarte brand charcoal eyeshadow in the eyeliner place and it doesn’t smudge—it’s buildable and set it with primer and setting spray and it’s a win win. Urban decay primer.
Yes I don’t know but their music upsets me ,
I also have a real phobia about clowns , dolls , puppets and the cure always remind me of these creepy carnival type things.
Eeeww
I guess I like mostly light feel good music , love classical, some dance trance / deep house and a cheeky bit of sexy RnB
Kiki❤️
I love The Cure. Disintegration is a masterpiece. But hey, that’s why different people have different tastes.
***Friday, I’m in Love. Sorry everyone, I had to… 💋
This is why I love you SP! We enjoy the same taste in music. 🙃
Hahaha we both just have our own cadre, FM1T: the Emo Empath.
Emo Empath, I like that SP. 😘
SP
How about Emode Empath? 🤣
Depeche Mode is pre Emo. More a combination of industrial/electronic/synth pop/goth. IMHO
Correct.
I said it in reference to The Cure, though. And it was just a joke.
Tiesto silence delirium now that was a tune in the day
Kiki