Forever On The Fake
Fakery, fabrication and lies are the bricks and mortar of our existence. They are the bread and butter that enable us to have sustenance. I know that when you look back at the golden period you always struggle to understand that it was not real. You cannot fathom out how something that felt so right, so true and so real could actually be something so false. Our behaviour seemed so genuine. Our declarations of undying love so moving and emotive, how could this be a façade? Yes you thought occasionally that we were a little over the top but you found that endearing. The reason it seemed so genuine is because our performance was so convincing. This performance was of such a high calibre owing to two things. The first because we have practised repeatedly and we possess experienced ease at mimicking the behaviour of others. We have done it so often and to so many people we do it without thinking. And there is the neat segue into the second reason. We do it without thinking because we believe it to be absolutely the right thing to do. We are not concerned that we are exhibiting a false front to you. We are not troubled by the fact that all our smiles, kisses and pleasantries are manufactured. Not only are we not burdened by this because we are not designed to be burdened by such concerns it also because we have the complete and utter conviction that behaving in this manner is the right thing to do. We need to seduce you. We need to ensnare you and what better way to do so than by this campaign of love and desire? Where is the harm in that? We get you where we want you, we receive dollops of delicious fuel and you feel loved, wanted and placed on a throne at the top of a pedestal. It is a win- win surely?
Does it really matter that your bag is a fake Louis Vuitton? It holds objects, feels the same and looks the same, so where is the problem? That Blu-ray disc is not a genuine licensed film but you can still watch it all the same with next to no deterioration in viewing pleasure, so again, what is the issue? Our fakery works for you and it works for us.
Our façade to the world of being charming, reliable and wonderful despite that particular mask being removed behind closed doors again is just a necessary device. How does it matter that friends and family are conned? They like me, they admire me and they believe me so where again is the harm in that? Yes, they may not believe what you have to say about me based on my façade but that is your fault. If you had kept up the flow of fuel this would not have to happen. Everyone else out there is in blissful ignorance and you want to change that. You want them to see what you claim is the real me. Why? All you will do is upset and alarm them. Is it not better that they remain shrouded in the illusion, content and unaware,rather than be subjected to the concern and worry that you seem intent on burdening them with? Why must you project your problems on to other people?
Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to. I have to keep you in your place, under my control and spewing out that negative fuel that I crave so much. If you had kept up the supply of decent quality fuel I would not have to say these things to you to provoke a reaction. I only do it because I must, I do not mean any of it. Even when you ignite my fury my hateful words and spiteful comments through this explosive fury is only based on a necessity to protect myself from your awful criticism of me. I do not mean it, it just has to happen. Do you understand now why it is not my fault? There is no real intent behind what I say and do, they are just merely actions which serve a purpose to ensure I get the fuel that I need.
From my seduction, through to my façade to everyone else and even my devaluing of you, it is all based on a fabrication. A necessary set of illusions required to preserve my existence. No matter who I deal with, who I interact with or who comes within my sphere of influence, I roll out the lies, the untruths and the perfidy. Everything I say or do is manufactured but I have an utter conviction in the necessity of this manufactured process so that this, couple with an absence of conscience or remorse enables me to churn out the lies and illusions like a factory production line.
I am always on the fake. And that’s the truth.
59 thoughts on “Forever On The Fake”
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I’m finding watching Russell Brand podcasts very interesting, Under the Skin and others he’s been a guest on. I’ve never been a fan of his stand up or seen his movies or been that interested in him other than finding him funny as a guest on various chat shows over the years, his honesty and seeing that he’s very intelligent. I’m thinking he could be someone you dislike HG? Maybe not. He knows he’s a narcissist and has spoken about this quite openly on many occasions and is trying to work on it. Partly through now marrying and having children , he doesn’t say he’s cured but has to work on it day by day , in the same way he uses the 12 step program for his addictions , taking it day by day. He’s very open about using this program to manage his narcissism , I find that quite interesting . I must stress he’s not saying he’s cured, quite the opposite , but is saying that he’s consciously aware on a daily basis of it and makes a choice to use the same methods he uses not to go back to addictions. Do you have any thoughts on this ?
Yes. He isn’t making any attempt whatsoever to address it and is using as part of his facade. Brand the multi-millionaire who claims solidarity with the homeless, bangs on about politics and what should be done, but that is all he ever does is talk. Do not be fooled.
He knows he’s a narcissist and has spoken about this quite openly on many occasions and is trying to work on it.”
Whaaaaaat! Ok so this is a mid ranger who’s utilizing the label of narcissist as a type of pity play /“working on it” gathering positive fuel?
We have a guy in AA who’s supposedly a diagnosed narc and also “working on it”
. He’s mid range and displays the pillars albeit I can tell he suppresses his fury and will sulk rather than show heated fury. Or sometimes he’s just blank. No facial affect, doesn’t talk, energetically he’s a blank space
He’s grandiose on his good days (which are the majority) shows up early to make baked goods , always the big shot, and just blasts through boundaries but few can see it , everyone thinks he’s such a nice guy.
RB is a MR not a G, HG?
He does not accept that he is a narcissist, he merely states this as part of a manipulation. He does not actually believe it.
Yup I see that
2013 Russell confessed to being a “ sex narcissist” with Richard Herring.
I’m not sure Brand even regularly bathes. He is the scruffiest man.. Yuck. No amount of money.
I see it almost as his latest thing so to speak , reinventing himself kind of !! Yes he does say he’s a narcissist but then says , he might not be because he loves people. Of course as a narcissist he will display all the contradictions of one, and the hypocrisy of a narc.
I think spirituality is his new addiction and obsession. I still like the podcast though he has some interesting guests on there. He’s an intelligent guy. Would you say he’s both somatic and cerebral HG ?
As for his working on narcissism being a facade , well of course because it’s not curable or changeable, as per your teachings HG. However he may think he’s working on it as narcissists are deluded and have blind spots. His grandiosity may trick him into believing he’s managing his behaviour differently.
Of course he can’t change it , just interesting that someone famous is actually talking about it and acknowledging it. Every little helps with public awareness
HG, I cannot even watch Russell Brand on tv, ugh! He gives me the heebies jeebies!
Understandable.
Haha, AspEmp. Have never been a fan, but more recently (though not in the last several months) I was fascinated to see him putting up some interesting videos on YT. With his finger on the pulse of the ‘everyman’, he attempts to offer insights, but ultimately it is an empty promise. His rhetoric might meet certain people’s needs, though my sense is he just uses the comments to mine their thoughts for his own purposes.
LET, RBrand is not the only one I got those ‘vibes’ from when I see them on the TV.
I’d love to know when he confessed to being a narcissist. I had no idea.
That he’d confessed.
LET, a narcissist may “admit” to being a narcissist but they do not believe they are a narcissist (HG has said similar in a comment that I read previously). I think sometimes, a narcissist says something like that when they sense they are being “scrutinised” – their control being threatened and their ‘fear’ of exposure, if you can understand? I was “informed” as a means of deflection of my attention when I was communicating with someone in person, they told me they had Aspergers but not diagnosed. There were other behaviours that she displayed that made me think, at that time, she does not have Aspergers, but there was ‘something’. Hahahaha, now I know 🙂
Search: Forever on the Fake October 2019.
Many thanks for that heads up, NA.
Haha, NA, just realised we are on that thread now!
The person who mentioned Brand’s ‘confession’ did not provide any further detail around that. Perhaps Google will point me in the right direction.
Ha! I didn’t look and thought we were on a newer posting of the article. I don’t know of his confession anywhere, I just knew there was a discussion about him here that might shed some light on his behaviour.
NA, still getting around to Googling … I’ll get there!
Well, here’s Russell Brand making some kind of mumbo jumbo (word salady) ‘confession’ to being a narcissist, well, no, being narcissistic, then somehow coming to the conclusion that “love is the answer.”
All you need is love.
It behooves me to conclude that if Russell Brand is a narcissist, he is an unaware narcissist who is aware his narcissistic tendencies place him in that category while at the same time being able to avoid labelling himself as such due to his ability to furnish his audience with a platitude.
AspEmp,
I get the same feeling from him….something about him, just makes me go, ewww, get away from me! I can’t watch his movies, I just feel violated just seeing him laugh.
Yes, I understand exactly, Rebecca. So very interesting that RB is one person and people not knowing for a fact until recent news why some people have an instant reaction of ‘ugh’ as soon as he appears on the screen. I as right about Saville. I was right about Brand. And that is without hearing their voices!
Your comment has aged well, HG.
I find Brand to absolutely repellent, and as a victim of abuse myself in my mid-teens I have developed a reliable radar for creeps. Brand gave me the absolute heebeegeebees, my skin literally crawls.
Plenty more about Brand very soon indeed.
HG,
I found him to be creepy too, looking forward to your analysis on him. Another thing, he looks a lot like one of my stepdaughter’s on and off boyfriends, probably about the same age too…he was closer to my age, than her age….so many indicators I see now with him and Brand. Both make my skin crawl.
He came into my work a few times, wanting my responses to him dissing my stepdaughter. The last time, I knew to ignore him and he hasn’t been back in since the last time. The threats and slander he was dishing out to me, I had to get management and security involved. Terrible experience and I wasn’t even an IPPS, or an IPSS with him. I just had the misfortune of knowing my stepdaughter and going out with them on more than a few occasions. I would have been, I’m figuring, a NISS for him, because he’d stay over sometimes with her, when she lived with me and her dad…..before I knew what I was dealing with, with her and him and her dad.
Interesting he got married in 2017 when #metoo started although he got sober in 2002. Katie Perry states she knows the “ truth” about him. Not a Vanessa Paradis is she?
Brand says love is the answer to narcissism.
Same here. Creepy as hell. Like a character from an old gothic horror film.
I met Russell with his then wife Katy Perry and a grandmother ( not sure which one) he was very caring to the grandmother. But he flirted with me. I knew he probably did this with every woman as a sex addict, alcoholic and drug addict. I was surprised he became a Christian, joined AA and became a father and husband. He remains narcisstic but his messages have been liberal about ending diversiveness in religion, with people and the world. I get that as a narcissist he wants fuel. But why go this direction? He was unite able to get fuel in other ways? Was it to reach a larger audience? All fake?
That is actually the only think a hate in narcissists, the untrustmorthines ( fakery, treachery, lying and cheating). Not only do i absolutely not minde the coldness and the lake of emotional empathy, but they are actually traits i value ,and wish i had, it allows one to take appropriate decisions.
The ideal human being in my opinion is the Man according to Rudyard Kipling’s poem If.
It takes a lot of energy from what I’ve read for narcissists to keep up their facade.
Do they need to take off the mask to relax and recharge?
No. To do so would mean that the narcissist knows what he is and the vast majority do not. The narcissist believes the mask is him or her, because the narcissist has him believe that. Fuel is required to maintain the construct but the narcissist does not think of it in such terms, nor does the narcissist perceive it as exhausting to do it.
Hi HG, my name is S. 9 oct. 2019
For a month now I know and recognise I have been in a relationship with a NP.
I have non stop in an obsesed way learning about all there is from the perspective of víctimas, survivers and specialists. By books, YouTube, videos and even an event about the subject.
In the beginning your book crossed my path and I only for now read the part of you writing a day of your life with your, at that time fuel delivery…
Almost vomited…. That was the pointbreak ( that s the correct Word in English?) in seeing and starting to understand with whom I have been for Almost 3 years!…
You descibed my day. Amazing how it looks that every body who is a NP went to the same school to learn…. 😉
I am Dutch, living in Spain. A very empatic loving person, something you already know.! 🤷🏼♀️😄
I have been doing a lot of self inner work for many years and that makes me walk through it like this, for now…!
Though its horrifying terrible and it s having some considerable consequences in my life and environment….
Today I have been listening to you all morning and still am and will be doing for the time to come.
I have been listening many information from my perspective(victim and surviver,)
now it s turn to understand even deeper, from the perspective of you kind of sort how I hear you call yourself and the ones who are like you in an intervieuw.
In the last intervieuw I finded out about your Facebook page and your blog page.
You mencioned that YOU READ EVERYTHING, so that is what encoureged me to write you….
I am preparing myself for to acompany other women who are stuck in there Life…
Because of this experience, now I found my niche… I like to specialize to the women who are still in or just left a NP relationship and are in such BIG need for some understanding and somebody telling them they are NOT crazy nore loosing there mind
And I like to help, as many others already do and you, for your reasons, to spread the Word into the world about this subject.
I have a page in Facebook. More then 150.000 people, Spanish side, not about this subject in particular but….
About self love.
Many many women get there stories out of there, it s full of, “blancos perfectos ”
Perfect victim perfils for the NP.
I recognise so many who are in a relationship with a NP just reading there stories it is amazing!!!
And they don t know….
I love to do something to kind of wake them up!
Though I also am aware very much that I personally need some time to recover and heal myself…
I was just Wondering what it needs
For you to share or do an intervieuw.
I am curious about so many things, like you said we like to know “The whys”
How is for example your life now, knowing what you do and understanding yourself, you still do what you do best?
You still hoover people but even better then ever? Did you write about that?
And I like to know if it s allowed to use youre publications take stuff out and translate that in Spanish or Dutch….
Finally I do have a doubt about what you wrote, because I had a same thought as the person who made the comment :
” To do so would mean that the narcissist knows what he is and the vast majority do not. The narcissist believes the mask is him or her, because the narcissist has him believe that. Fuel is required to maintain the construct but the narcissist does not think of it in such terms, nor does the narcissist perceive it as exhausting to do it.”
So what will happen if you let the NP know what he/she is. What could happen if for X reason he or she dives Into what you sent him/her?….. Sending like links where people explain about the behaviour of the NP or links where you explain???
HG. I appreciate what you do, though your reasons why you do it I don t like but who cares about what I think or feel, I know you don t care. Even so I in a kind of a way I do feel gratitud,
you opened my eyes from the other perspective and that is hard to find, I like aswell your voice to listen to and you keep on eye opening me with what you share and what I am listening and reading.
So thanks for that I Defenidly know that I am responsible for my recovery and your sharing helps me and that s why I use it
This is me Saying hi from Spain, a curious recovering surviver of a narsistic psicopath reaforcing herself to do something with what overcome her.
Turning around the pancake (dando la vuelta a la tortilla, in Spanish)
And instead of loosing myself, using this to do something with it….. To grow and to be able to acompany other women, obvious that s the way I am and always will be. Never more in my life I learned to be loyal to myself and my esesence my innerself. Trusting and listening now more then ever to my innervoice and INTUITION!!!! SHE ALWAYS KNEW THINGS WERE NOT RIGHT WITH HIM!
I hope in future there will be the posibility to talk to you again.
Bye for now….
S.
Welcome to the blog S and thank you for sharing your experience.
HG, did you watch the documentary about Mark Aklom ?
No, I didn’t, Lisa.
I think it’s you 🤔
No denial
Isn’t Mark Aklom in prison?
Hi NarcAngel, how are you ? I’m not sure if he’s still in prison or out again now. Note that HG is not denying it 😜
I have no idea who you are referring to.
I remember really liking this article last time I read it but this time I had an “aha” moment. Why has it taken me so long to realize that the horrible ugly words that he said to me were just as fake as the sweet loving words. I so easily accepted that the love was fake, but for years I have been weighed down by the hurtful things he said as if they are the truth.
The delay in gaining acceptance is because your ET would not allow you to apply understanding. Over time, by following my work, your ET has fallen, which has allowed you to the apply the understanding and thus the “aha” moment. This is (in part) why I repeat articles, so that they will come to people´s attention again and it allows them to find something new and/or apply the understanding to achieve a new outcome.
I have read/listened to all of your articles/videos SO many times. And it’s true more and more A-Ha’s happen over time. I reread your books too and as with all great works of Truth-more is seen each time .
Very liberating but also I dig the expansion of awareness.
WokeAF
I really like your gravatar 😊
WAF
Same here. I bookmarked some parts of the books as well and now when I go back and reread (for the umpteenth time) it all seems like a complete no-brainer. Having said that, however, there are times when I’ll still slip back to “confusion land,” but all I need to do is revisit the articles and I can reset.
Thank you HG, I appreciate this! It crazy he can say I’m pretty and I think “stop lying”. He says I’m ugly and I think “omg he thinks I’m ugly”. ET is a trickster.
Yes, it is.
Repeating is so important in everything we learn..
Mercy
That is a great realization to come to and perhaps even more important. Realizing that they didn’t/couldnt love you puts it back on them, but then people are left with: but what about those horrible things he said about me? Am I really those things? No. They were all lies and part of their game as well. NONE of it was true. I agree that reading the articles again over time allows different thoughts and is most beneficial. You are lovely as you are and always were. He lied.
NarcAngel, thank you again for your support. This realization has opened a new line of thinking for me. I’m sure it’s the same way with others too but for me the process of healing is like a very complicated puzzle with many layers. The thing is that if this was happening to one of my daughters or a close friend it would be so complicated. I see how our ET is so powerful in relationship to ourselves.
The Midranger *believes* the ever-flowing positive fuel acquired & the addiction to it, IS ACTUALLY “love” and “devotion “ to the appliance, though, right? (In the seduction and golden period)?
As he believes his discontent and disgust with the stale fuel is caused by the appliance not loving him as much as in the beginning?
(Or even feels like him “falling out of love”?)
I find it hard to convey to others that only the Greater may be aware he doesn’t “love” and that the seduction gestures are calculated to ensnare, but that the MR feels a sense of some urgency to ensnare and embed- but thinks this is love
Have I summed this up?
In essence, yes.
So, somebody, who admits to his IPSS (being trapped in the push-and-pull-shelf for four years) in a “weak” moment “I think, I generally don’ t know what love feels like and we can’t have a relationship, because I’m a kind of commitment phobe after my ex-wife had left me” and starts a “relationship” with a close friend of her four weeks later (all three of them teachers in the same school, so no chance to hide or escape) is rather a Greater Narcissist, isn’t he?
HG, I can go working only because of your blog. Get it?
No, he is not.
My MMR after his wife left him ”I Don’t know if I know what Iove IS anymore”
A) Pity play – mid ranger
B) he never knew , …and he never knew he never knew
Yes, thank you, HG and WokeAF.
I learn how hard it is to believe that he isn’t meaning anything sincerely. It is, as if somebody told me, the earth was flat, although I have learned it is a sphere in my entire life before.
You just can’t imagine that anyone can ignore basic conversational structures like that.
So, since unfortunately I can’t quit communication completely, I’ll have to learn his language with those different word meanings.
At least I can see the truth now.
I should add that yes, I am now indulging in memories, but I can do so without tears or pain.
I can do so with no emotion at all except for compassion and joy.
What a precious thing to remember and to feel such love without the hurt.
I’m not obsessing over every little detail anymore and I can just let myself accept that it is ok not to be able to understand him. I can sleep again (thanks to phenergan) which has taken away the fog and the endless questions and just replaced it with loving and warm memories of what I had. (note I didnt say “we”).
I love remembering the way that I felt.
It may be false from the narc.
But for me it was the most romantic and beautiful time of my entire life. I never knew love could feel so immense.
I know he didn’t mean any of it. But I also know how it made me feel.
What I felt was genuine absolute joy and whether he cares or not, he did give that to me.
That is all I care about anymore, that I was actually lucky enough to feel SO MUCH.
That is mine to keep and to remember and that is what I am taking with me now.
The memory of the perfect love that I felt for another. It was spectacular.
I’m grateful for it regardless of anything and everything.