Audio Consultation

KTN Audio Consultation

For an immersive, enlightening and detailed discussion of your situation you can book a one hour private audio consultation with me for US $ 150 (or 30 minutes for US $ 100).

My audio consultations have been described as ‘total life savers’ , ‘hugely helpful and eye opening’ and ‘far more effective and far less expensive than therapy’. To learn more about what clients state, please see the testimonials here

  1. To effect payment, do so via the relevant PayPal button BELOW.
  2. Once I receive notification of payment I shall e-mail you using the address on your PayPal notification.

If you would rather use a different e-mail for contact please e-mail me at narcissist1909@gmail.com BEFORE you effect payment to advise of which e-mail address I should contact you at.

3. I will e-mail you a short common sense protocol for you to read and accept.

4. We will then arrange a time and date which is mutually convenient. I am usually based in the United Kingdom so please factor the time difference into your times. I have considerable flexibility to suit times and I am willing to undertake consultations at weekends.

5. The consultation will take place by telephone or Skype (audio only)

6. This consultation is especially useful if you have many questions and wish to be able to take advantage of addressing points as they arise in real-time.

7. The process is entirely confidential.


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175 Comments

  1. MommyP
    Completely off topic, but congratulations on the addition of that sweet pup to your home. May you all enjoy a loving and healthy interaction for years to come.

  2. Hey guys, I just wanted to share this with ya’ll.. I believe Forgiveness is a choice, just like a hate is. I choose to love you all and wish you all the best whether you believe me or not! ❤️ Sorry HG ❤️with all the respect for you and your extensive knowledge I don’t agree/ believe that people are born evil, because I was raised as a Christian… I love this quote by Christine Caine! I think we can all relate to it:
    “When shame has been pumping through a heart, over time the heart itself grows toxic. When we are wounded, we leak toxic waste, and that waste poisons us and the people around us—even when we are completely unaware of it.
    • Hurt people hurt people, but helped people help people.• Broken people break people, but rebuilt people rebuild people.• shattered people shatter people, but whole people restore people.• Damaged people damage people, but loved people love people.• Wounded people wound people, but healed people bind up wounds.• Bound people, bind people, but freed people lead others to freedom.”

      1. Hello HG, i’ve heard it in one of your interviews you said that narcissists are born with evil characteristics of narcissist. Did I misunderstand that? And ok i’ll Look into that.

        1. “Hurt people hurt people, but helped people help people.• Broken people break people, but rebuilt people rebuild people.• shattered people shatter people, but whole people restore people.• Damaged people damage people, but loved people love people.• Wounded people wound people, but healed people bind up wounds.• Bound people, bind people, but freed people lead others to freedom.”

          Hurt people do not necessarily hurt people. Hurt empaths invariably do not. Broken people do not necessarily break people. They are broken and in no condition to do anything else. Rebuilt people do not necessarily rebuild people, they may have to focus on themselves and cannot assist anybody else. Shattered people do not necessarily shatter people (see comment re broken). Whole people restore people, not necessarily the case. Damaged people do not tend always damage people, some do (say narcissists) others (say co-dependents) help others and harm themselves. Loved people do not necessarily love people, I am loved, but I do not love. Wounded people do not necessarily would people, empaths do not tend too. I need not keep going.

          It is this kind of meaningless platitude which is misleading. It is comments such as these which perpetuate misunderstanding and cause people to ignore logic.

          1. Thank you for pointing out how pointless platitudes are.
            Cleaver would be proud of you 😉

          2. Haha
            I concur with Mr Greens position on the use of that term.
            It’s one of many instances of social commentary that makes Rake so watchable, so good.

      1. Thank you for pointing that out HG. And I don’t think we need to hear any more platitudes about love and forgiveness. Comments like hers pollute the atmosphere of this blog.
        She should go preach somewhere else.

  3. I see a Seduction Hoover (we were painted white at that moment). These are some of the manipulations in the hoover.

    1. Triangulation
    2. Grandiosity
    3. Facade Maintenance
    4. Charm and Flattery (benign control)
    5. False Contrition
    6. Blame Shifting (blatant)
    7. Pity Plays (numerous)
    8. justification
    9. Minimal Effort MMRM coupled with False Contrition directed at the bloggers
    10. Martyrdom
    11. Exploiting the empaths trait of doing no harm/decency/compassion/guilt
    12. Operating in the NOW/at that moment
    13. Contradictory and Hypocritical behavior
    14. Projection

    It is patently clear that there is a disturbance in the force.

      1. NarcAngel
        This is a Red Flag. Do you remember that conversation re: perceived hierarchy and Super Empaths on Everpresense? Pay attention to the contradiction.

        https://narcsite.com/2019/02/22/everpresence-2/#comment-265531

        K says:
        June 1, 2019 at 16:18
        mommypino
        Have you read Sitting Target? That explains the schools very well. I think you are definitely an empath. The schools are not a hierarchy; they are just schools, nothing more nothing less.

        mommypino says:
        June 1, 2019 at 17:27
        Thank you K. I have read the book a few times.

        Notice the contradiction is this comment on this thread:
        https://narcsite.com/2019/07/14/why-we-target-you-10/#comment-278872

        MommyPino says:
        July 16, 2019 at 00:15
        Hi, this is for anyone who knows the answer. Does anyone know where the other five out of ten traits are if they have been published?

        1. K, since you’re going to talk about me where I can read it, why don’t you just talk to me? What are you trying to say about me? Stop being so passive aggressive. Be direct. Red flag on what?

        2. K and NA, back in my school days I’d lost a very dear friend of mine to the bullycide. People like you were the reason for her death. What have you done to help victims of abuse feel welcome and safe on this blog? Surely HG didn’t teach you to treat people this way…

          1. Try reading and you will see how much they have done for many of the commenters here. It is called evidence. In the meanwhile, I will let them respond as they are entitled to do so, just as you have done so.

          2. Dear HG, if you say so then surely it must be true. I’ll read and look for that evidence as you suggested.

          3. Esther
            Funny that you should address K and I since many people made comments about your behaviour but I can guess why that is. Were you having another bad day on Oct 15th on the Zero Impact Bonus Donation thread when you suggested HG do free consults and implied the fund may be used for his own benefit and that the testimonials were not real? A commenter then confirmed that a friend had been assisted and you responded with your perspectives vs HG’s perspectives (not an apology or acknowledgment that you may have been wrong). You also stated “freedom of speech. Ya know?” . Does that not extend to others? On this thread you ask HG’s recommendation audio or email. Why would you ask if you had trouble understanding him? It seemed a set up to make further comments about his speech (not just to me). When called on it, you claim losing interest and withdrawal of interest in services and in helping others because you do not want to be in a place that reminds you of your narc. Yet here you still are. You suggested people here (the majority) do not have their own minds and opinions and will agree with HG. That is insulting on your part. So in short – you debuted being antagonistic and rude in the eyes of some. We responded. Not bullied. RESPONDED TO you with our observations. Just as you have made observations. Even your apology was not just that, but portrayed you as the victim where you implore us to understand and be nice to new people. Wouldn’t that apply to you as well entering a new arena?

            I’m sorry you lost a friend early to what you believe was bullying. You know now as an adult how important tolerance is. It goes both ways.

            Freedom of speech. Yes. For ALL.

          4. NarcAngel
            Excellent observations. Notice how their behavior doesn’t sync with their words; they are consistently inconsistent and they will accuse you of behavior that they themselves are engaging in (projection).

            Their lack of insight and awareness is notable, as well as, their lack of emotional empathy and object constancy.

          5. NA, take note of the use of plural pronouns:

            – their behavior
            – they are consistently inconsistent
            – their lack of insight
            – their lack of emotional empathy

            And she says she’s only referring to Esther. Ahh big Red Flag on K’s inconsistency and contradictory statements! 🚩 Big red flag on passive aggressiveness! 🚩

          6. Probably so HG, but K has also said that there’s a Red Flag regarding my previous comments which is amazing to me how she came up with that. Was she stalking my comments here and keeping track of the things that I have said for inconsistencies? Is she doing it for control or does she really just have some serious drive on hunting for narcissists and I happened to be on her radar? This is the advantage of being passive aggressive and vague, one can infer and then deny later on if challenged. She has said to NarcAngel that there were two narcissists on that thread, one is either a Lesser or a LMR and the other is a MMR. If she isn’t passive aggressive then why is she not naming those? So that she can attack without being challenged.

          7. I did HG, and she hasn’t responded. She just likes to attack me in a passive aggressive way.

          8. I just want to clarify before I get called a Liar again by K, I asked her about the Red Flag but I don’t remember asking her the other questions and that’s what I was referring to when I said that I did. But she’s not responding anyway. She’s giving me a silent treatment under the guise of not providing fuel to the narcissist (me).

          9. MommyP
            I don’t believe K is referring to you with this comment. “They” and “their” is being used as in “that other person” and not as a plural. My feeling is that ET has been unleashed on both sides. I am not taking sides. This is what I saw.

            K noted some behaviours that are usually consistent with those who are identified as being a “disturbance in the force”. It is a caution rather than an outright accusation. I thought it was clear that she was not speaking of you.

            You then made the comment that you sensed bullshit passive aggressive in the force. This seemed clear to me to be pointed at K. It appeared that you were discounting her observations here because you had unresolved issues with her from a previous thread and not because you had actually considered what she presented as incorrect.

            Blue touch paper lit.

            You and she were brought back to that unresolved issue. She responded and now the dialogue has continued.

            I know you have commented previously that you believe there are those who stick together, and “attack” others (although I’m not sure that everyone’s definition of “attack” is the same). By the same token, there are those who have been lead to misunderstanding and read into things because of ET. I think you would agree that this has happened to you. I say this because I want it to be clear that am not taking any side in this. I am telling you exactly what I saw in this instance from my perspective. I did not weigh in on the previous interaction between you two on BLL (that I believe has caused this) because I did not understand the positions taken there or why and I believe I speak for many when I say we do not want to revisit it. I just saw it as an episode of ET spiralled out of control on all sides.

          10. Thank you NA for your kind response. I agree with most of your observations however I would like to ask questions to K because it is with her that I needed some resolution. I do respect that in that time that we had a disagreement you have remained gracious to me and I did not forget that. And I also remember how quickly we both apologized to each other.

          11. Hi NarcAngel, I appreciate you being open and direct. Do you know what a bipolar disorder is? That’s something i’ve Been struggling with.if you look into it, you might get a better understanding.
            NA, When I first came on this blog I had a difficult time trusting HG( in reference to you ZE comment)since he is a narcissist. You know, after being used and abused by several narcs in my life( most of my life) I’ve had enough… so yeah it was a struggle for me. But I had to come to an understanding that he is not just any narc that is here to manipulate and abuse the victims, he is here to help and empower us to deal with real narcs in the world. Thank you for being honest with me, I prefer people talking directly to me vs behind my back. Yes of course you have the right to express how you feel and i respect that. I am sorry my comments offended you again.

        3. K
          My comment of volte face was in regard to the apology issued. I believed that was what you were referring to as the seduction hoover and disturbance in the force when I made it. Was I mistaken?

        4. Also K, I have indeed read the book Sitting Target a few times. I borrowed it from Kindle Unlimited when it was available to be borrowed for free. I loved the book and have read it a few times. I wrote several five star reviews about it on different sites. Then I returned it. I don’t remember everything in it although I remember a lot of what was in the book. I tried to borrow it again to refresh my memory but it’s not available anymore on Kindle Unlimited. So I did lie at all. You just didn’t have all of the facts. This is a humble pie for you. Don’t make harsh assumptions unless you know the whole story.

          1. Correction on a typo: I did NOT lie at all.

            Those old comments from me that K pulled up does not have an inconsistency and I gave the explanation above. I would like K to be direct and say what Red Flag it was that I have.

        5. I have to say though that I never pay that close attention to any comments made by anyone here on the blog so that I can nitpick and use it against them in the future.

      1. MommyP
        Do you think that saying “I’m sensing passive aggressive bullshit is in the force” after K saying that she sensed “a disturbance in the force” could be viewed as being passive aggressive toward K? Because now you state to K to stop being so passive aggressive and to be direct. It’s a bit confusing.

        1. Hi NA, I can see that it can be validly seen as passive aggressive although I have directed it towards ‘her’ and not to someone else as I was talking ‘about her’ or insinuating ‘someone’s’ behaviors were narcissistic to the general readers when it is very vague who that ‘someone’ is. Most people who have read my comment would know that I was referring to K and I have replied directly to her. She has also told you at the Bare Necessities thread when you asked HG is our comments can be indicative of our cadres and schools, K told you that there were two narcissists in that thread, one Lesser or LMR and one MMR. But she didn’t name who they were. That was passive aggressive too in my book.

          1. K, so you’re saying I did a malign hoover on you. You are purposely using narcissist terms regarding my actions like ‘red flag’ and ‘malign hoover’, it is quite obvious that you are still insinuating that I am a narcissist. I did an Empath Detector from HG and he said that I am a Geyser Empath. I paid him for that (I paid the reader back who bought it for me) because I know that he is an expert. Are you saying that you know better than HG?

            I’ll give you a very honest reason since I’m actually a very honest person. Too honest sometimes in fact. What you call as my ‘malign hoover’ goes beyond Esther. I will have to write it later when I have time again because I have to compose my thoughts first.

          2. MP,
            Of course you’re an Empath, and I would really hope this would stop coming up as a discussion point; as tough as I can be about some things, that would get to me as well. Seriously, I’d be like this:😭

            HG says you are a Geyser Empath, no matter if anyone thinks others are “missing” the truth of you – HG’s test & his on-site observations should be good enough for us all.

            Ok, I’m leaving the building for awhile. I can get overwhelmed by seeing stuff I don’t want to see.

          3. Hi Caroline is fine, thank you. ❤️ I will write to you on the other thread. I have unfinished business that I need to address because it has been bothering me for a while now. I do not feel that I have gotten a decent closure.

          4. K, as promised, I will give you an honest reason why I made that comment which you call as my ‘malign hoover’.

            I disagree with your series of behaviors on the blog where you inaccurately and unfairly dissect a commenter’s behavior or cite their actions and attach a narcissistic manipulation to that action when you disagree or dislike that commenter in order to paint that commenter as a narcissist. You didn’t only do that to Esther, you have done that to me and to Empath007 as well. I was in the receiving end of your behavior once, you falsely accused me of manipulative behaviors such as lying and manipulating someone which God knows I never did. I’m not saying that I never lie but in that thread I did NOT lie or manipulate anybody. You did the same thing with Empath007. You never apologized to any of that, instead you gaslighted her and you blame shifted me that I engineered my own Victimhood. On both occasions, both Empath007 and myself were going through something. I lost my mom just a few days before we had the debacle. Empath007 just found out that someone that she thought was a decent person abused little kids. And yet you ran with judgment against us. I disagree with your behavior in your post that I made a comment because it was vicious against someone that you don’t know. You don’t have any evidence that Esther was lying about having a bipolar dad or that she wasn’t having a tough time or going through something. You simply do not know her enough.

            Why isn’t it enough to just disagree? Foolme1time did a great job without being vicious to Esther. Why is there a need to go for the jugular?

          5. Recognize gas lighting when you see it.

            Narcissists are projectors and will accuse you of behaviors that they themselves engage in because they reject culpability and ignore their contribution to the situation by insisting that someone else is to blame.

            Narcissists rewrite the narrative by inserting themselves into the situation and casting themselves as the victim, as well as, arguing in bad faith, twisting the truth and mischaracterizing others to distort the truth and cause the victim to question their reality. They will smear the victim by throwing in additional story lines to distract from their behavior.

            Narcissists will also tell you how you think or feel or what you need or want. That is verbal abuse AND gas lighting, recognize it.

            Narcissists are prone to delusional thinking and the two most common types of delusions are delusions of grandeur or persecutory delusions, for example, they will accuse you of stalking them when there is no evidence to support the accusation.

            Narcissists will wear The Victim’s Cloak and then demand apologies from the True Victims for perceived attacks and that is gas lighting’; recognize it.

            Due to the altered perspectives, facts are challenge fuel which makes the narcissist feel a lack of control and results in a manipulative response.

            I see a malign hoover: split thinking, projection, lies, pity plays, gas lighting, triangulation, playing the victim, hypocritical and contradictory behavior, facade maintenance (whiter than white behavior) and blame shifting (no surprise there).

          6. I understand what you’re doing here K. You are passive aggressively using me as an exhibit of a narcissist engaging in narcissistic behaviors.

            And of course, as expected from you, you are great at it. People here, including myself in the past have told you how talented you are at dissecting narcissistic behaviors and how eloquently you do it.

            But there are two big loopholes:

            1. HG has found me to be a Geyser Empath with some Carrier, Savior and Martyr. And by the way he did clarify to me that Martyr as an empath cadre which is not the same as the martyr or victim complex. So he did not at all diagnosed me to have a victim complex. He also said that I’m a Standard empath with some Super Empath.

            2. I am not manipulating but I’m just trying to have you to understand that you also engage in narcissistic behaviors and try to make you see that you are guilty of the same narcissistic behaviors that you accuse us of.

            So your assessment of me above is completely inaccurate.

          7. K, I will be sending you a few questions but here’s the first one:

            1. Do you believe that HG was inaccurate or made a mistake when he figured out from my Empath Detector that I’m not a narcissist?

          8. K,

            2. Who were the two narcissists that you were implying in thy w Bare Necessity thread?

            NarcAngel says:
            October 4, 2019 at 14:21
            HG
            Do you see the differing responses to this thread (good/bad/idiocy) as being affected by the types (schools and cadres) of empaths involved? That was one of my thoughts.

            K says:
            October 6, 2019 at 09:00
            NarcAngel
            Based on their comments, one is a MMRN and the other is a LMRN or ULN.

            https://narcsite.com/2019/10/01/the-bare-necessity-3/#comment-304405

          9. K,
            3. If you weren’t stalking my comments, how did you come up with those two separate comments that I have made from separate threads and matched them together with what you (incorrectly) thought was an inconsistency? I remember you told a commenter that you keep apple notes on comments and they are even alphabetized with titles. Do you then keep notes on my comments that you think are inconsistent? Are you on some type of narcissist witch hunt here? Are you spending all of that time and effort to have control?

            4. And lastly, why is it that you have zero empathy for me, WokeAF, empath007 and Esther? What did we do to anyone to not deserve any grace from you? How come you were not able to give us the benefit of the doubt when we explained ourselves that we were not being manipulative (not it the case of WokeAF, you did not accuse her of being manipulative). Why are you above saying sorry for hurting our feelings? I don’t get it.

            My last remark would be regarding my first question. I find it interesting that you declare your belief in HG and yet you disbelieve his assessment of me as an empath. It is actually a big inconsistency itself. If you really support him as much as you say here on the blog then you should be able to humble yourself enough to defer to his expertise. There’s a reason why we all hire him to do detectors and not you. Because he is the expert. He knows what he’s doing. What are you going to do when another commenter here that you accused of being a narcissist gets an Empath Detector and results to being an empath? The fact that you have known for a while now about my Empath Detector results and you still insinuate that I’m a narcissist show that you could care less about the truth and about accuracy. I am not demanding an apology from you but I want to take note of your inability to do so and your tendency to gaslight and blame shift in order to avoid issuing anything close to an apology. You will most likely deflect, avoid or blame shift once again. I don’t care. I have said my piece. And thank HG for allowing me to do so.

        2. NA, you have to see the context of why I responded in that way. She was passive aggressively insinuating that somebody here is a narcissist. So in retort, I wrote that remark.

          1. hey MommyPino, I remember when you were on the receiving end, and you were apologising. You did nothing wrong but you were questioning yourself. The semantics over trivialities continued even after you said you just lost your mother. I’m so sorry for that experience. I was shocked and startled by that. Of course you’d be resentful.

          2. It is ok MommyPino 💝 it must be overwhelming to receive huge wordsalads, with dozens of indirect and confusing accusations

          3. K( or KKK), there is no need for further reading when your behavior speaks for itself. MP’s straight forward honest, clearly empathic behavior speaks in a mark contrast to yours. It’s very obvious even to someone like myself who hasn’t been here long.

          4. Dear Reader,
            My comments are Hoover Triggers and the HEC were met; I am painted black so I received a malign hoover to provoke a response.

            The manipulations used in this hoover are: projection, smearing, gas lighting, split thinking and triangulation.

          5. K, which commenters on this thread do you think are narcissists, and what school and cadre do you think they belong to?

          6. I’ll go first.

            HG Tudor.

            Ultra Elite.

            God.

            It’s all downhill thereafter so just gaze at my brilliance instead!

          7. Hehehe yes HG 😁🙏🙌

            I just wanted to know what K means. I don’t argue here as much as I want because it’s your blog and you’re a God!

          8. Thank you HG that’s nice of you to say 🙏 I care about you and your magnificent community

  4. Hello Dear HG and dear bloggers! Wow, who would’ve thought my comments would cause this turmoil. I couldn’t be more surprised!
    The comments were meant for our dear mr Tudor only by since others had shown an interest in the conversation I guess I will respond to all.
    Let me start off by saying that my comments weren’t meant to offend. I love ❤️ the brilliant author of this blog! I think the books/ articles are amazing and insightful!
    So, I personally have nothing against you HG as others might’ve Stated. I absolutely love your work as it speaks to me personally! I think you are a very talented writer as well and definitely the best when it comes to understanding everything about narcissism!❤️
    The comment in reference to having trouble understanding your accent was a general statement. I should’ve made it more clear I guess.. my bad.. I actually love your voice, I think it has a pleasant tone to it, I just have trouble understanding British accent in general, not just you specifically. And I am not the only one who struggles with that, there is other people who do as well. By that I don’t mean that there is others on the blog, I mean there are some other people who are not Britts that have difficulty understanding British accent.
    I am sorry about the confusion. I speak several languages and don’t always state things clearly when I write. In addition to that I have ADD so that doesnt make my situation easier.
    And sorry guys I haven’t read all of your comments, but i got a general idea what that was all about . Despite what your impressions might’ve been, my desire to seek for help( via consultation) was genuine. I came to this blog searching for healing. But I consider my case pretty hopeless( going thru parental abuse as a kid, then being in relationships with narcs and being married and divorced to a narc., suffering from severe depression since 12 y.o. And recently being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and dealing with suicidal thoughts on a regular basis.), I am surprised i’ve Made it this far. If it wasn’t for God, I would’ve probably been gone a while ago. Anyway, I did invite my friend to this blog who’s been going thru the narc abuse, so please be kind to her, Please be kind to the new comers.
    I’ve personally only been here for a couple of weeks. I find this blog to be an extremely useful tool for “knowing the narcissist”, and my donation comment was made in reference to supporting the work Mr HG has been doing to promote narc awareness. Though I said i’d Lost interest at that moment, I still believe it’s important to support his work( narc or not) to help spread the word to other victims of abuse.
    Yesterday was one of those days when things weren’t going well for me. I had many flashback coming back in a flood. It happened to be the anniversary day of the relationship with my ex so everything was reminding me of him. It was one of those days…
    the point here being, guys please try to understand when someone is going thru the struggle, don’t beat a person up for making a mistake, instead try to understand and help, ask questions maybe instead of making conclusions right away!? We’ve all been through the hell of the abuse, and we all need support wether we realize it or not. Anyway thank you all! Sorry for giving the wrong idea and if I’d offended anyone with my comments! Once again, I Had no intention to offend. Love ya all.

    1. Hi Esther, so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse, and your struggle with depression. My dad has bipolar disorder too. I am crying for your struggle. You are self aware and clear minded. Don’t worry about small matters. Only thing that matters is you are safe now and on a journey to having your best life ❤ love to you too

      1. Thank you Whitney! Thank you so much for your kind encouraging words,❤️ it means a lot to me!!! I wish the best for your father as well!❤️ Thanks again!

    2. Hi Esther, I appreciate you making a clarification. I wish you the best on your recovery. And I hope that you will always feel welcome to read HG’s works and benefit from them and use his services when you need them and comment here whenever you want. I think that a lot of us can relate to what you are going through.

      1. Thank you very much Mommy Pino! It means more than you know and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to write this. I needed it today… thank you for being a compassionate and understanding person that you are. I haven’t felt safe here due personal attacks coming from a few people , but I will do my best to ignore the negative and will definitely use the services that HG so graciously provides for us. Again, thank you so much for your kind worlds ❤️

        1. Esther,
          ” I haven’t felt safe here due personal attacks coming from a few people”
          Perhaps you should make note of your own meandering tone. If the “bullying” that happens to you comes from the comments on a blog you do not even need to converse on in order to reap its benefits, then I would consider that a fortunate position to be in. But, since you are the one stoking the fire by assigning the who is good and who is bad narrative, crossing boundaries by sharing personal information not required, or telling anyone on this blog how to behave, seems to me you are looking for attention. I think your comments were inflammatory, purposefully or not, don’t care. My reaction to your comments simply reveals to me the unfinished work I need to do to achieve ZERO IMPACT! Silence and resolute disregard from me towards all provocateurs!!!

      2. MP,
        You have a really good heart, but I’d gently/protectively advise you to be extra cautious in this particular case. There are copying/mirroring qualities going on (some of your own traits/exact words were copied/you’ll see it), and I’ve experienced it personally (I’d call it attempted trait acquisition), from a poster who *had* disappeared for awhile (comes & goes). I figured out what was going on because of massive inconsistencies in their “history sharing” and their overall personality instability (the person could not keep track of their own lies & pulled specific elements from my own history/mirrored some very specific things about me – until they couldn’t keep up with it!), & I kept track, because it was really obvious…so I came forth in a few of my posts to others with a few more specific things about myself, to see if the other person would again alter themselves…I actually have been waiting to see if the person would recycle back on site, with new tidbits that I would notice, while still having a core that was not personality-stable & be recognizable…and I do see it. It actually really upsets me, as fraud on trusting, caring people is particularly gross to me. So there is *no* misunderstanding in what I’m saying, I’d look to HG for what he is seeing here, on this thread.

        This makes it tough for me personally, as I always feel we should be kind to newcomers, but I’ve learned to wait it out some, which is a shame (guess it’s that “life disappointments”/balance trust & wisdom thing we were talking about on the other thread)…I’m more leery now on the site, in this regard…but I think it becomes really clear who’s not authentic, with a little time. Time shows if something is more at play than someone going through a rough time with a narc involvement – and more than other conditions they battle, which can also be used, which is most unfortunate.

        I’m also being as conscientious as I can be, as I am not infallible. But I feel pretty overwhelming convinced, for what it’s worth. I also just personally ask there be no attacks toward someone who may be “off”…it would be a sad thing (if also aggravating!), so I hope we can just ignore the behavior. But everyone has to decide themselves, and I respect that.

        1. An excellent post CIF. I am pleased with how you are applying what you have been taught, you are using logic to assess the evidence and you have formed the correct outcome. Your explanation and the method of conveying to MP is admirable. I am always interested to observe how people who are empathic repeatedly get caught out by such behaviour and it has happened to a handful of people. You are not one of them which shows excellent work on your part. it also demonstrates how hard it is for certain people to see what is actually happening because their empathic traits are corrupted and they are blinded.

          1. [Sorry if this posted to another thread first – I was reading comments on two threads!]

            Thank you for your very giving words, HG. I do appreciate what I’ve learned from you – much thanks to you.

            One of the best qualities of an Empath is their kindness/compassion, and I have to say, it’s very hard for me to see it being taken advantage of, like with how kind MP is, which is why she was being so gracious & generous to the person on this thread, who was playacting (as were other dear Empaths, being kind to the fraudster)…speaking for myself, I have to say I don’t especially like being able to see it when someone is up to no good like this — a fake persona lying to very good people. But it is what it is — I can’t pretend otherwise. I’ve noticed I will speak up *for* someone else (like MP, who’s a gem), as it actually pains me to see the other person’s treachery, so I will say something – but then I will let it go, as everyone has to decide for themselves.

            However, if the fake persona is doing things *to* or about me, as in specific trait acquisition/mirroring of me (which this person on this thread has done, quite a lot/coming & going on the site & reinventing themselves) — I will just ignore it. I do that partly because I know who I am, so if someone is going to mirror me & pick out some of my traits & play a game of pretend…well, it’s irritating to know/see that they are lying like that, as a kind of cheap imitation of another very real human being — but I also feel like, “Oh, who really cares? I know who I am — so copy me, whatever.” I mean, you’ll kind of have your hands full with that – I’m not that simple! LOL.

            Who can BE another Empath? Nobody. We’re too complex/multi-faceted. We’re all unique, which is a very beautiful thing.

        2. Caroline is Fine
          Good advice to wait. I noticed possible mimicking as well. Also what could be blame shifting and pity play/victimization. I usually observe for a bit and let them make their observations. Then I make mine. How they respond to that is usually very telling. Empaths are eager to quickly accept an apology, but a better gauge is time. The more they talk and the more time passes gives a better picture of authenticity and intent.

        3. Thank you CIF. I understand what you are saying. I think that time will tell. I did see though that she mentioned that she speaks several languages. I speak English as a second language and I know for a fact that I do pick up exact English expressions from native English speakers and recycle those phrases, expressions and figures of speech for my own use to other people. For example I have picked up ‘okie dokie’ from my former coworker who used it in a really funny way or ‘ya think?!’ from my husband. I want to sound natural with my English which isn’t natural for me so I pick up phrases and words from people. And sometimes I catch myself copying a whole sentence that was said previously by another person because it happened to be in my current bank of English in my head. It is possible that it is the same with her. I do not know. Only time will tell. But I understand your point and thank you for pointing that out to me. I did see what you are saying.

          1. Thanks, MP. I appreciate your openness to what I’m saying, and I hope you know I would not do so lightly, ever. I think she may be gone now, as the gig is up…that’s also a pattern of hers.

            But she’ll likely return again, recycled. Oh joy. If she comes back as the *last* persona she was, I’ll think about outing her.

          2. You’re welcome Caroline is fine and thank you as well. I know that I have copied English expressions but not personalities or identities. I know that you are very conscientious and you wouldn’t put red flags lightly. I just want to wait more because I also have a lot of red flags and have been/ is being accused of being a narcissist or having my behaviors spinned unfairly and inaccurately so I can relate to people being judged in a personal level.

          3. I completely understand, MP💚 I would want nothing less for you (or anyone) — than for you to walk your walk. I also believe things will (in whatever time needed) work out, with you & K, as you both are good people, and we ALL have things to still learn from and/or to let go…like, for instance, I should let go of ever being seen in public again with that maniac Chris. Just a little levity.😉 But seriously…

            I learned something important today – that it was ok to speak up, even though my heart is always so soft that I hesitate 100 times over, and I do know *why* that is, which is important…it was a personal triumph for me, to know nobody would know what I am referring to, but it’s okay, as I know…and that really is enough – staying true to yourself, in that way, when you’re led. Even though my bent is always peace (gawd I love peace!!!) & to give benefit of doubt, it’s not always possible, or right. I see my “peace at all costs” weak point. Yes, peace is fabulous…but I can’t continue to have full inner peace & joy if I skirt issues that are not okay for me, within my own spirit. And that’s maybe what you’re saying too, with your “unfinished business.” I am done with my issue on this thread & joyfully moving on!🤸‍♀️

            [P.S. I’m also almost done shortening the “‘last section” — I did not forget — but I’m off work today & helping a friend out with something that’s taken all day, so I don’t know if I’ll finish my chop job until the weekend…but I look forward to catching you on the other thread – later gator.]💚

          4. MP, English happens to be my second language as well. I do use different phrases from others as I am still learning myself. I loved what you said so I had to use it cause I couldn’t agree more with your comment. I didn’t think it’d be used against me as well. Not a mirroring technique guys! Get out of the box and try to see that it is possible to learn from others without using some narc techniques as you’ve been suggesting. Why so eager to accuse? What have I done to some of ya to make you hate me so much? It’s obvious…

    3. I’m so glad you are here, Esther! I’m glad you are alive and sharing with us and sharing HG with your friend! Please continue to share with us. If or when you are ready, a consultation with HG will give you such insight to help for further improvement.
      It took great strength and courage to write what you did in explaining where you were coming from! You didn’t have to explain but it was great to understand more as there are a lot of background data missing when communication is in writing only. Thank you!

      1. Echoing others. Thank you very much for the clarification. If any of my words have offended you then I do apologise.

        Very pleased you have come back and welcome to our Merry Gang!

        1. Thank you Renarde! It’s the least I could do. They did not! It’s my fault for not making things clear and giving the wrong impression. So I guess I deserved it :)
          Thank you! It means a lot!

      2. Thank you so much Getting There! I haven’t been doing very well, but I will share more when I am better. Yes, I believe HG is amazing and his consultations will be of great help to me. Thank you! Yes, It wasn’t easy, but I had to do it to help people understand what i’ve been dealing with and how it affects my behavior pattern.
        I wanted people to see that anyone on the blog could be going through something and s specific pattern of behavior observed in a few comments written may not be indicative of a person’s complete character.
        Thank you very much for your support GT, I appreciate it! ❤️

          1. Mary Robinson, I just read your comments: “Please don’t throw up HG. Have an orange”- made me laugh lol

  5. Hi HG,
    My time with the suspected narc ended two years ago with last direct contact a year ago. Since then I have failed to maintain no contact in other ways – through anonymous social media stalking and spying to try and see who he is seeing, all to my great shame and guilt. Not in my wildest dreams could i have envisaged ever behaving and feeling as i have for the last year. I’ve only been able to envisage accepting that he is an unchangeable narc recently after reading your blog – I saw some red flags mid-relationship but ignored/refused to credit them as I did not understand what a narc is/does in reality. In your blog articles I think I recognise my own ongoing ET and it seems I begin to understand my inability to move forward. For the first time I feel hopefuI that I will make sense of how I was treated. And not only this, I can begin to make sense of my own reactions and how I got to a place of zero self esteem without realising how, let alone why.

    But I have lost all trust in myself.I have made no concerted effort to move on and have succumbed to the tortures of ET again and again, I have simply been unable and also up to this point unwilling to comprehend what the hell happened to me and make the shift to help myself.

    We were together for only a year and the discard which ended my role as IPPS happened about two years ago, I experienced a quick and devastating devaluation and repeat mini-discard again a year ago when I tried to talk to him. We have not spoken/emailed/text messaged and he has not [ to my knowledge] seen me or heard anything about me at all since but my torture continues unabated via ET and EA – emotional action I guess – looking at his social media, spying at times – all of which makes me hate myself.. It seems from what readers say here that Narc detector has been catalyst for acceptance and moving on. Do you think you can help me in my circumstnces?

    1. Hello Annebol, yes I can help you. You have been honest with regard to your situation and that provides you with a good start. Arrange a consultation with me forthwith and I shall ensure that you conquer this.

      1. Thank you H.G. I believe that you will ensure I conquer this. I will arrange for a Narc Detector consult tomorrow AM. My ET has had me spinning in endless feedback cycles of grief, despair, anger and obsessive thought/behaviour…it has to stop and I have to accept help and allow myself to be helped. I have not spoken to anyone about what I have become [my inner experience and my actions] in the aftermath of the N.

  6. I haven’t had chance to listen to the interview yet, but from the other recordings I’ve listened to so far, I’ve had zero problems understanding you HG.

    For what it’s worth I find your voice very pleasant, smooth and easy to listen to.

      1. It wasn’t your cadence Esther or whatever her name is couldn’t understand. She probably had a challenging time understanding your vocabulary!

        1. Lorelei
          I must be improving? I did not have to google any words that HG used in that interview. Now if only I could do the same for a very dear friend that I hold close to my heart………😉

          1. My vocabulary does not reach the depths of HG’s use of words, but I do write nice recommendations for people I like! I also enjoy professional writing.

      2. I’ve finally listened to the interview. No trouble understanding you at all.

        Mind you I’m British so I suppose that always helps, but I don’t really think your accent ought to be particularly difficult for any overseas listeners to understand you. Your diction is fine and you’re pretty much a Queen’s English speaker (I’m guessing down south?) so I can’t really see why Esther had a problem to be honest.

        If you had a broad Liverpudlian accent I’d have struggled I must admit. I went to Liverpool once and I stared at a cafe owner as though he had two heads when he spoke to me. I couldn’t understand a word he’d said. And don’t get me started on Glaswegian!!

        Your accent and speed of speaking are fine. As you were!

        1. Thank you.

          I speak Received Pronunciation and nobody has every stated that they have trouble understanding what I say, even people who have English as a second language. I have always been complimented on speaking clearly, distinctly and effectively.

          1. Indeed. I’m inclined to disbelieve that Esther struggled to understand you.

            As for the interview itself it was very enjoyable to listen to in terms of content on your part.

          2. Oh god! I recall saying to a mid who thinks he’s a greater that he speaks with received pronounciation just to ‘big him up’ a little (in my favour), his reply “I’m old enough to know you mean the kings english”. My response, ‘“how old are you again?”

  7. Esther,
    I disagreed with you not because this is HGs blog ( there has been more then one time that I have not agreed with him ) but because your comments came across as if you were waiting for the opportunity to once again bring up the fact that you could not understand him, which reminded me of my ex narc just waiting for the opportunity to start an argument. Also an empathetic person would not use a wonderful cause like the angel assistance fund for there on agenda as you just did when you made it sound like HGs fault you were not now going to donate! As far as others not understanding HG in that interview, yes there was one other besides yourself that said anything at all about it, however that person has not continued to bring it up every chance she gets. You would know that if you would have done like HG suggested and went back and reread that thread instead of disagreeing and trying to prove a point without accurate information and evidence to do so. HG is not on here to argue with his readers, there is no point in him doing so. I am assuming your ET is still very high which is causing you to act this way, and I honestly hope you can gain control of it at some point. Perhaps you are just not ready to learn the truth about yourself and the relationship you had with your narcissist at this time, or perhaps there are other reasons you act this way? As HG said, no one here is forcing you to read, listen, or comment.

      1. Thank you HG. It only took four years of you working with me to get me to be able to use logic instead of ET! Congratulations HG, you are the only one that has had the knowledge and patience to do so! 👏👏👏🙇‍♀️

      1. Sounds good, but i’ll Go with the email one instead. It’d be more clear for me given my trouble understanding you when you speak :)

        1. I welcome assisting you.

          Given the comments elsewhere, I think the issue with understanding lies with you as opposed to my delivery, but let’s not labour that.

          1. There are others who feel same as myself, but sure like you said let’s not labour that )

          2. You just did labour it. Re-read the comments and you will see where the prevailing view lies.

          3. You know Up to this moment I’d been debating on either doing a consultation or giving a donation, but I think I just lost interest in doing either due to your comments( it reminds me too much of my ex’ behavior). Take care

          4. Entirely upto you. You are not forced to be here.

            It is unfortunate that you keep making comments which do not correspond with the actual evidence of what people had stated. Part of the process of understanding and moving forward is to proceed with regard to the evidence and not keep trying to be clever. You stated an opinion based on the interview. You are entitled to do so. More people disagreed with you than agreed with you. I pointed this out to you. I did so politely. Rather than re-read (as I invited you to do so) and see the point that I was making and that you were incorrect, you instead just flounce. Tell me, why not just re-read and state, “Yes, I see more people found it fine to listen to than did not, HG.” I am not denying you are able to state your opinion on it, but expect that your opinion may well be disagreed with (as it was) and I merely pointed out that more people found it fine to listen to. Why do you feel the need to have to flounce off? What do you think is behind your behaviour?

          5. HG,
            I am not 💯 sure but it seems to me that Esther already had her mind made up about which consultation she was going to purchase before she wrote her first comment. In fact I don’t believe she intended on purchasing any, in my opinion it was brought up once again so that she could remark about not understanding you! Did you not just mention in the interview how most people on here would not have thought twice about rereading something and then coming back to you and saying, I’m sorry HG I must have read that wrong, or I apologize HG you are correct, there were more comments from people who have no trouble understanding you, then people who could not. But then as you said there are many types of people that come to the blog. I guess time will tell what type she is?

            I personally thought that was by far the best interview you have given, although her voice bothered me at first, once I got use to it everything was fine. I liked the fact that she ask you more personal questions about yourself then just about narcissism, I also liked that she was posting your books for her readers to look over.
            There is nothing wrong with your voice HG, it sounded as beautiful and calming as always. Thank you for sharing that interview with us. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and your time. Always remember that there are more on here that truly appreciate all that you do.

          6. Thank you FM1T. I’m pleased you enjoyed the interview. You also make sound and well reasoned observations. The exhibited behaviour speaks for itself.

          7. I really do pay attention to what you teach us HG. I like to stand back and observe HG, this today however was to easy to not comment on, especially after just listening to you on the interview explaining about this exact same thing. Have a good weekend HG.

          8. FM1T
            That was my feeling as well. There was no intent to consult or donate. That was just a parting shot intended to make us feel there was lost opportunity where there likely was none. The choice