The Fuel Matrix – Part Two

THE FUEL MATRIX - PART TWO

As explained in Part One, understanding the fuel matrix for the relevant school of narcissist (with appropriate adjustments relevant to the cadre) allows you to understand how a particular narcissist is likely to respond to your imposition of no contact, dependent on how you fit into that matrix. It also allows you to understand what other competing interests you can expect within this fuel matrix and how the narcissist is likely to interact with these other sources. This part of the series considers the fuel matrix of the Mid-Range School of narcissist.

  1. The Lower Mid-Range Narcissist (“LMRN”)

The LMRN is of reasonable cognitive function. He has no awareness as to what he is. Whilst passive aggressive features are the forte of the Mid Ranger Narcissist, as a lower, he does gravitate towards the aggression of the Lesser Narcissist. This means that when there is an ignition of fury, the relevant victim may well experience the manifestation of physical violence. There is not the blunt fury of the Lesser, but the risk of being punched or kicked is there. The LMRN, when heated fury is ignited, will respond at times by throttling the victim.  There are potential substance abuse issues evident with the LMRN also. He or she will work and have a reasonable job albeit it is unremarkable.

The LMRN relies heavily on people feeling sorry for him or her and this arises either through the manifestation of cold fury, through silent treatments et al or having a temper tantrum as heated fury is exhibited. Unlike the Lesser who will erupt in a volcanic fashion or the Greater who will erupt with a frenzied malice, a calculated application of antipathy which will hurt his or victim, the LMRN is petulant.

Of all the schools and their divisions, the LMRN is most likely to become The Incredible Sulk . He has a fairly low threshold of control on his fury and can either erupt with heated or cold fury and pretty much does so in equal measure, something which is different from the other divisions of schools.

The LMRN has a small fuel matrix. He has little charm, if any, he will have limited financial power and relies on people feeling sorry for him and wanting to help him. The LMRN who is of the Victim Cadre is a pathetic creature indeed. In terms of the fuel matrix, it is as follows

a. The primary source will usually be intimate in nature. There may be occasions where the LMRN will skulk back to his or her parents and place them as primary source but most of the time the primary source will be intimate in nature and is often someone who is a The Carrier Empathto put up with the fairly low energy level of the LMRN and his or her propensity to sulk. The primary source is expected to work and run the house and will be denied much opportunity to socialise as the LMRN will not want that person being away from them.

b. There will be numerous familial secondary sources. Unlike the Lower Lesser or Middle  Lesser, the LMRN is able to maintain reasonably good relationships with his family because he seeks pity and sympathy more than fear and hurt. They will regard him as moody but will put up with it meaning he is able to rely on these secondary sources as reliable. This is necessary because of the point in (c).

c. The social secondary sources will be limited. Lacking charm and generally regarded as sulky, self-centred and something of a mardy arse, the LMRN struggles with creating a significant social secondary source circle. He will have a small number, three or four, inner circle friends with whom he will do most things;

d. The LMRN usually works and therefore will have colleague secondary sources. He will not be held in high regard by them but nevertheless his less volcanic nature means that he will have numerous of these colleague secondary sources dependent on the size of the organisation he works for;

e. The LMRN will have an IPSS when the IPPS is being devalued. It is unusual for him to have more than one and it is often the case that the IPSS will not be recruited from a social setting but usually through work;

f. In terms of tertiary sources, the LMRN will engage with a reasonable number of these sources as he works, he will be out and about in terms of shopping etc and his interactions will largely be benign in nature unless he perceives a criticism and then he will readily erupt in order to draw negative fuel from the offending tertiary source.

2. The Middle Mid-Ranger Narcissist (“MMRN”)

The MMRN has a little charm but his weapon is politeness and behaving in a respectable manner. He or she is well-thought of. The MMRN is not a huge attention seeker and does not exhibit grandiose behaviours. Instead the MMRN wants to be well thought of by everybody. This person is intelligent and is likely to have a good job.

Like any narcissist, the MMRN is hugely sensitive to criticism and the MMRN is more sensitive than most. This is because he lacks the dynamic aggression of the Lesser or the malevolent charm of the Greater but instead feels constrained by his lack of ability to influence people in a sudden and meaningful manner. This means that the MMRN is an envious individual and is always looking to gain the advantage from covert and secretive means. He throws the figurative second punch (often piggybacking on the behaviour of a Greater although he does not know that this is what that person is). He is two-faced, a spreader of gossip and always looking to get other people to do his dirty work. He is cowardly but will never countenance being called as such. He ingratiates himself with people through his intelligence and limited charm and is prone to repeated pity plays. He is the archetypal architect of the silent treatment in all its forms and heated fury is rare with him. If it does appear, it will be shouting, spitting and slapping. He is an habitual liar, not just in a defensive manner (which is what Lessers and the LMRN do) but in a proactive manner, in order to cause trouble and cajole people into acting on his behalf through the dissemination of gossiping untruths.

The fuel matrix of the MMRN is not extensive but is larger than that of the LMRN.

a. The primary source. Rarely a family member and nearly always an intimate partner. This person will be guilt-tripped into doing everything for the supposedly hard-working MMRN. He will use his façade of being a ‘regular’ guy to keep the IPPS in place. He will unleash repeated silent treatments, blame-shifting and projection to maintain the upper hand;

b. Familial secondary sources.  The MMRN has reliable and extensive familial secondary sources. He is either well-regarded by those of The Coterie who consider him to be a well-brought up son, well-regarded nephew and brother, or as someone who is prone to being viewed as “sensitive” being the unknowing victim’s view of this particular narcissist. Either way the family secondary circle is one which is compliant for the MMRN;

c. Colleague secondary sources. The MMRN has a reasonable sized fuel matrix at work. This is roughly equal between those who consider him a diligent worker and reliable and those who consider him to be untrustworthy and a brown-noser. Whilst the MMRN will make pity plays concerning the unfair attitude of the latter group, the fact remains that he has engagement with well over a dozen people, possibly more dependent on the size of the workplace, all of which who are locked into his fuel matrix.

d. With respect to the social secondary sources, the MMRN does not have an extensive social circle. His matrix draws from the IPPS and the secondary sources through family and work. Lacking the charisma and grandiose behaviours which might draw people to him socially in significant numbers, the MMRN keeps his social circle small with perhaps 4-6 inner circle friends. He will not see these friends with significant regularity but instead does so more through the auspices of organised events, such as dinner parties amongst the groups or attendance at functions.

e. The MMRN will have an IPSS at the appropriate time. He is capable of securing the attentions of two IPSSs through a combination of intelligence and manipulation. He relies, like the LMRN on the workplace being the feeder ground for the selection and cultivation of the IPSS or IPSSs. Somewhat ponderous in nature and also very much aware of his façade the MMRN is careful to keep IPPS and IPSSs very separate.

f. The MMRN will engage with tertiary sources as a consequence of job, social life and general community involvement. Again, his awareness of the façade means that his engagements for the most part will be benign in nature. Should a tertiary source wound him, he is less likely to lash out at that tertiary source and instead more likely to triangulate the individual through the raising of a complaint to the relevant person.

3. The Upper Mid-Range Narcissist (“UMRN”)

This division of the Mid Range school of narcissism is of considerable intelligence. He also has some reasonable charm. People often mistake the UMRN for a Greater. This is because the UMRN has a degree of sophistication, some charm and some calculation. He is rarely physical with his victims and instead he is a master manipulator through the application of silence. Whether it is a steely gaze, a glacial shoulder or ghosting, the UMRN is able to use the silent treatment to the greatest effect. He instinctively identifies victims who find such treatment of being ignored and overlooked especially disturbing. He is also capable in terms of playing people off against one another. He does not have the tantrum behaviour of the LMRN nor the avoidant tendencies of the MMRN, instead he finds considerable fuel in playing people against one another based on petty insecurities. He will use exclusion from a group, be it work, family or social as the stick by which to bring about compliance. He does not hit, he does not threaten but rather he uses the imposition of silence through exclusion as a major modus operandi to achieving what he requires.

a. The primary source. This is nearly always going to be an intimate partner. His attributes and the fact that he will hold a senior or professional position makes him an attractive prospect. He appears lacking volatility since he has a better hold on his ignited fury than the other schools and divisions mentioned so far. He will have decent financial ability. He relies extensively on the IPPS as other narcissists do, but his reliance is not as great as the other schools and divisions touch on.

b. Familial secondary sources. He is generally well-regarded by his family secondary sources and can command numerous of them for the purposes of support and fuel. He is likely to have made an example of one or two and excluded them from the group and no longer bothers with them. Expect therefore one or two black sheep to exist in the fuel matrix of the UMRN;

c. Colleague secondary sources. The UMRN will have a significant work fuel matrix. The UMRN is less likely to be a business owner as he prefers to be part of a large machine, thus as a senior manager in a corporate setting, a partner in an accountancy practice or an academic in a college or university he is able to interface with dozens of people who he will utilise as secondary sources. The majority will regard him in a benign manner, but he will have made one or two enemies within the workplace, again arising from his ability to freeze people out;

d. Social secondary sources. The  UMRN will have the largest social circle of all mid-rangers but it is still not extensive. Work and family provide the bulk of his secondary sources and socially he will have numerous outer circle friends (often drawn from work) perhaps around a dozen and only say two or three inner circle friends who are likely to be long-standing in nature. Outer circle friends will also be lost from time to time through his exclusionary behaviours.

e. IPSSs. The UMRN is capable of operating two or more IPSSs should the need arise. He will carefully keep them separate from one another, deploying the assistance of Lieutenants in ensuring that they do not find out about one another until after the event or if he decides there is something to be served in such triangulation, but this is rare. He has the sophistication and attraction to keep several plates spinning and once people learn about such Casanova behaviour they would be rather surprised by such a revelation;

f. The UMRN knows numerous tertiary sources. He interacts with them as a consequence of his varied involvement in the community, socially and through work. He is most mindful of the efficacy of the façade and therefore is mainly pleasant and benign in his interactions with them as he wishes to remain well thought of. If a tertiary source displeases him, he will not lash out, but again will request their removal as waiter or a change of post man etc from the relevant powers that be.

Part Three examines the Fuel Matrix of the Greater school of narcissism.

Advertisements

27 Comments

  1. I will definitely do a narc detector at some point just to be sure but this article is very distinguishing. In my opinion EX-N#2 (husband would be an UMRN, and EX-N#3 (his DLS) would be a MMRN.

    Also applying some of my newfound Tudor skills and watching Spartacus again! I am having a field day with that series (so many narcissists)!

    1. Being from a European background and being surrounded by them all my life. There are so many Narcissists I can fricken spot them left right,centre. I just didn’t have a name for them I just thought they were all Assholes.

      1. Funny… Yes I see them every where aswell now a day.
        Because of what I know and what I am learning, no doubts about that, though aswell because of where I am right now and my lack of confidence 🤷🏼‍♀️😉😄

        1. Hi Susanne , they around me like a fly. I need them out of my life . I am been learning here thats how I know. First thing I said to myself do they lack emotional empathy and the answer is yes ! I have 4 in my family right now . Dont lack confidence we shouldnt because we are becoming educated ! Hugs to you xoxo

          1. Hi Pati, just today I suddenly see things of my mom and who she is and acts, after 46 years..

            She was never and is not now able to support and empathy.

            My mind wants to say NO!!!!
            Let me be wrong, though my Intuition is saying something differently! 😔

            It explains so much!!. Her behaviour, mine my carácter my dependency and low self esteem.

            Me believing all these years stuff about me that she said I was…. That made me feel small and behave in a kind of way. And has contributed to so many experiences I rather would not have had.

            Her behaviour towards my father whom I since today see as a flying monkey.
            I NEVER liked the way she treated him, though he, well is still on her side…

            My Sister and her behaviour and carácter. She struggles so much with herself.

            And I always believed that this was “normal”

            It connects it all, though I feel I am also in the denying fase. There are things she does not do or has….

            Memories come up of her way of acting, judging as long as I can remember, always picking on my dad, talking bad of his mom his Sister always trying to set them up to eachother. I remember today so well and so much.

            Her playing the victim in so many ocasions.

            Yet being a Child you take all that for granted and you make that yours and “normal”

            I mean, your mom that person that is suposed to LOVE you!…. And she “betrays” you in that way.

            It became natural for me, though from a very young age I felt she was not there for me, I felt so Alone so long of my adolescence.

            And when I feel rejections, I now start to understand why I react and feel what I feel.

            Imagine a silent treatment (I always blamed myself, it was so unreal and it did not made any sense, many times I asked what did I do wrong, my fault, he does not love me etc etc)
            So many ocasiones where nothing made sense but I WAS USED TO STRANGE- NOT- MAKiNG SENSE- SITUATIONS!!!

            So instead of trusting my Intuition that things where not right and normal in this relationship I doubted my self, as always., after all I am the difficult one the one who is always so complicated…. Etc…

            … Wow this is such a revelation, writing, I make myself aware, in this instant!!! 😃

            That part of me, when I was so young of age, Was very traumatized and I amagine that that particular part of me always stayed traumatizado.

            The other part of mine grew up, falled in love, studied, travelled, became a mom etc etc…

            Though many moments in my life I had innerfights, I felt lost and did not know what to do and what really was going on,
            I felt stuck so often and Always procrastinating.

            step by step I am aware that this has to do with that part that was created at a very young age, the traumatizised part always stayed there and caused so many dificult situations in my life!

            If it was not for my NP experience…

            ( My profesional guidance and EMRD – therapy and this blog, HG work, and the space for me to write..)
            I would not have known…
            Is that not akward and so contrary…..? 😉🤷🏼‍♀️

            Though a high price to pay…. I FEEL VERY ALONE, NOT UNDERSTOID AND ISOLATED FROM MY SONS (17 AND 18)
            AND now believing that my mom…… 😔

            It seems that many of “us” who are or have been in narcisistic relationship have a narcissistic parent…

            I took for granted that her treatment was one of love…. The person who is supposed to love you does it on her peculiar way and then I attract literally a person in my life who says he loves me but does not know what love is, lol…

            To much of a coincidence here… 😉

            And I am very very sure that before him there was another.

            So…… Here I am….

            And just now my heart Almost came out of my chest, Jesús sometimes this happens, it s dark out side, it s satetday night, the 2 days he has off from his work. He is a trucker and every day he goes up and down with his truck on a ship.
            Most of the time he does not sleep at home. Except for the weekends. I HEARD SOMETHING OUTSIDE and my dog barked…..
            I do NOT like this!

            Part of…. My emotional thinking…

            need to stop myself from seeing what I want to see. Instead accept what is and understand that the past is THE PAST.

            And trust the proces of life….

            It s strange but today with all this New awareness I felt kind of empowered a New sense of self-control.
            And on the other side is the feeling of helpless and powerless…

            A World of many contrasts!

            Now it s time to take 💯 % self-responsibility for my life…

            “just another ~victim~ SURVIVER!

            WITH LOVE Susanne ✨

  2. HG, He is constantly complaining for everything such a cry baby . He thinks that he gives me luxury. The best luxury I have right now are silent treatments so I don’t interact with him. It is unremarkable that he actually thinks he is a good person that cares. Should I put him through the empath detector. FAILED !

  3. i think the MRs are the people i like the least, not because they are narcissists,but, because they are cowards. the lesser is at least bold and holds his ground overtly, the greater is good at what he does, but MR appears to me just like a lazy and cowardly crybaby.

    1. Liza

      Totally agree. HG has responded ‘fairly accurate’

      Why do you think he used the conditional tense?

      1. Renard,
        may be there is some truth abut my intuition but not completelly, plus my analysis of the situation is most likely incomplete.

        1. Agreed Liza. That’s the top level reading of this. Go deeper. I perceive you’re almost there.

          Keep talking lovely.

  4. When the primary partner is discarded or leaves, who does the narcissist rage at, if they haven’t quite secured a new love interest and still in the lovebombing phase? Doesn’t he/she need that fuel source of venting anger, psychological turmoil?

    1. 1. If the narcissist disengages from the IPPS, the main reason for doing so, is because a new IPPS has been cultivated and crowned. Therefore there is no need for the narcissist to rage.
      2. If the narcissist disengages from the IPPS for alternative reasons (as explained in 5 Reasons Why We Disengage) there may not be a new IPPS ready to be crowned. The narcissist respond as explained in my book No Contact.
      3. If the IPPS escapes during devaluation, and the new IPPS is still being cultivated, then the narcissist responds as explained in my book No Contact.
      4. The IPPS does not escape during idealisation.

      1. HG, thank you for helping me to understand. I left my ex when he wasn’t home, because he told me “I want you out but you won’t leave” followed by the silent treatment for 2 months. Sporadically, he’d ask about picking up dinner for us and I was so hurt, that I declined. He pursued women the same week I left but there were no takers, maybe a date here and there. So, no new steady supply, he hasn’t seen his 3 kids from ex wife for 10+ years. He’s a chiropractor, no staff to rage on.
        He emailed me 2 years after I left to say he thinks of me everyday but blames me for leaving him without a goodbye. So, through campaign smear, is how he raged to play pity card, right?

  5. I tell ya when I finally “click” on deciphering a LMR from the rest, it may well be THE biggest A-HA I’ve had since I grasped the Control gig

  6. I always found this illustration of the MMRN to be unbelievable in how exact it is. Like each detail. We never did a narc detector—you wrote this so well you lost a hundred bucks! Maybe be more vague!

    1. Hi, Lorlei,
      I also knew was husband was a N. I just had to know for sure and HG told me in detail why he was and gave the examples why he is. He also told me his Cadre too. Hearing it directly from HG put behind any doubts and tackled my ET about it.
      Hugs to you xoxo

      1. I actually think HG interviewed my ex for his MMRN segment! He just didn’t tell me. I actually have had a few strange moments of “what if I’m in the wrong place?!” I know I’m not but it’s an odd feeling.

  7. I guess he is UMRN. He used to have a career when he was living in London but now he is a business owner. What i liked the most about him was that he had pure British accent. We didn’t talk to each other in English though.

Vent Your Spleen!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.