Poll : How Were You Smeared?
The smear campaign.
Not the character assassination – that is to YOUR face, but with the smear campaign lies are propagated about you to your family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, the post man and the dog.
Smear campaigns vary in topic, breadth and intensity but they usually do occur . If you were not smeared you probably just did not get to hear what was being said about you. More usually, because we want you to learn about what we are saying about you, although not until it is too late for you to do anything about it, we will have concocted some untruths about you and spread them around through a variety of methods of dissemination.
Did you find out that you were being described as a drunk and an alcoholic who was downing a bottle of sauvignon blanc before lunchtime? Perhaps you learned that you had become the neighbourhood bike as ribald tales of you being gang banged on the children’s slide in the back garden did the rounds? Maybe you were told that the rumour was you had fleeced your ex-husband out of thousands and that you had gained a reputation as being a gold digger? Perhaps you found yourself being shunned by people and you realised this was because you had been smeared as being an unpleasant friend who spread gossip and behaved in a two-faced manner? Maybe you were even being labelled as a narcissist, by the narcissist?
Whatever it was and if it was more than one of the descriptions below you can choose all that are applicable before casting the vote, choose from the options below and also expand on your experience in the comments section.
Thank you for participating.
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The smear campaign is a well-used and devastating narcissistic tool. With the unrivalled insight provided by a narcissist, this book explains why they are used, why they are so effective, who is involved in them and why, why people respond as they do to them plus more fascinating insights and enlightenment. This book also provides practical and effective methods of countering the smear campaign to ally to your new found understanding.
Clear the smear !
42 thoughts on “Poll : How Were You Smeared?”
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For me, the big smear is something I have to contend with every single day. I’ve now cut out as many as I could. I’m still finding the though.
The people who didnt cut me out but just sat there, waiting in the wings.
I had an excellent catch up with a very good friend. Bloody hell, he saw me through some dark times. I wasnt happy about people who were causing him issues in a deeply personal matter.
My friend is an aware narc. I am his consensual NISS. He had coined a new term, ‘skin-walkers’. In this context of being personally smeared, I find the term quite apt. It did make me laugh though.
So yes, those people who just watch and wait until they sense their time is near. It’s utterly ridiculous.
The worst smear I have had to endure is that I am a bad and unfit mother and the very worst told to my children, that I am a liar and not to be trusted.
On the list: psycho/abusive/promiscuous.
Not on the list: devil worshipper/cult member/government informant/child thief
In my personal experience I was smeared to family court, friends, family and the worst to my daughter’s daycare.
I started battered men to help parents (mothers and fathers) in court going through the abuse and key ways to protect your children as the scars are so subtle and cut deep.
It’s awful how sadistic these demons are…i have my daughter but you better believe she will get her supply from us any little way she can
Welcome BM, the impact is no less on men as it is on women, it is just not seen as often for a variety of factors. You will find the answers you need here.
Batteredmen,
“I started battered men to help parents (mothers and fathers) in court going through the abuse and key ways to protect your children as the scars are so subtle and cut deep.”
That is awesome! It’s not enough that it’s an uphill challenge getting free from entanglement; but any potential legal proceedings can be traumatic in themselves.
Best wishes to you and your daughter.
I was smeared by the narc and I was quite a bit alot of those on your list. According to him in his delusional mind. Then there’s the narcs in my family. It took some time to figure out what was being said. You start to notice your no longer invited to functions. And the looks given by others to you. I did read the book .There is more information about this. There needs to be a Smeared #2 it gets much more dirty.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I have no “evidence” of any smearing from the weasel or my mother (my mum hastily shredded most of her diaries when we reunited) and any remainder have a “curse” on them apparently
Our “dear old friend’s” bully narc brother however, smeared my name to him with a blatant lie over something that I “supposedly” said …. what he did was “twist my words” to his advantage to make me look bad
I explained to the bully his “misinterpretation”, he accepted it at the time and even gave me a kiss on the cheek to make amends
The next time we met, said he couldn’t remember the conversation n didn’t want to be friends again…..the smear continues ( I have no concrete proof who knows )
We know a lot of mutual people and no one has ever really liked him
The bully doesn’t matter to me, therefore, care factor is zero ……however, being smeared when you’re innocent is not pleasant
Thank you Mr Tudor
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
You are welcome, Bubbles.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Always a pleasure
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
My ex was very subtle with his smear about his ex wife. Instead of rocking in slagging her off he played the poor wounded puppy with a little hint here and a little message there and sat back and waited whilst she fell apart looking as though she was the mad woman. He told me song and verse about her ‘bad behaviour’ leaving out the bits of the story where his accountability should have been. I now realise he started smearing me to his friends and children long before we split – almost preparing for my departure.
To former co-workers: “How’s crazy Vi?”
Mind you, when a project he’d been involved in didn’t turn out the way he’d hoped, he asked, “Has Vi seen it? What did she say about it?”
Seriously, why value my opinion when you don’t value me?
“Why follow me to higher ground?
Lost as you swear I am
Don’t throw away your basic needs
Ambiance and vanity”
– Collective Soul
They have smeared me good. They labeled me as crazy and said I was dangerous. They are just mad because they can’t come to my house and torment me anymore. They know law enforcement is involved and the neighbors. I live in the country and we are all locked and loaded right now. This led them to telling my employer that I threatened them and I was fired.
This N’s wife, definitely a N. herself went to my ex husband’s workplace and informed him I was dangerous and unfit and he shouldn’t let our daughter stay with me anymore. He laughed at that and didnt believe her. He knows I am a great mother and protecting our child.
They have labeled me as a slut for being with a married man. Funny because for 27 years I had only ever been with one man. Now I have only ever had two lovers. I’m not promiscuous!!!
I must have been smeared to our mutual friend as he ghosted me. I unfriended both him and his girlfriend on social networks. Have no idea what he said about me. I think he started smearing me during devaluation as his friend didn’t respond to my messages for 5 days. He apologized for not responding earlier. It was unusual of him to do so as he would respond quite fast.
Oh lots. Easier to say what not.
Not.
Gold digger
Diseased
Explotatative
Everything else though.
Actually looking at it that way, its clear that my professional standing had a fair whack in a good way on how I am perceived. Intresting.
I don’t know if I was smeared. As a shelf IPSS, I avoided the devaluation that an IPPS endures so I more than likely avoided an extensive smear campaign. It’s possible the narcissist would have smeared me if she felt it was necessary to keep control/maintain her facade (i.e. why I was around with her and her friends a lot for a couple months and then the next week I’m gone and she’s with someone else), but after I was shelved, I had no interaction with her friends so there’s no way to know. Nor would it matter since no one she might have smeared me to can affect my life.
While being a shelf IPSS does suck for a variety of reasons, we at least get to avoid the worst parts of the narcissistic ensnarement (assuming we GOSO before they come back).
If anyone was speaking negatively about a friend of mine I would stop them mid-sentence and tell them that I don’t listen to gossip, especially about my friends….and would hope my friends would do the same. Naive perhaps but true. Proverbs 18 v 21
I am still with him ,however he smears to me to my family and his. He says that I have anxiety,,depression and I am going to have a nervous breakdown FAR FROM IT ! He says that I cant keep up to my duties and that I rely on him for everything. All about asserting control and he loves that. The only thing is lacking is having control in the bedroom so in my eyes no control there his love making sucks HG did I just smear him?
I don’t believe I was smeared, as I think that it would be too damaging to his facade to admit to having an affair with a married woman. Then again, who knows. If it could provide him with some kind of fuel, then yes, I’m sure he painted me out to be something terrible.
Same here Joanne – who knows, but it would ruin his facade. I also don’t know any of his friends and he only knows a few of mine. However he was brutal about his now ex – called her an unfit mother due to alcohol and drugs, violent, a thief, lazy, a slut, the list goes on. I used to hate it when he spoke about her like that. He smeared her for a good 18 months, maintaining he was only staying for the children (such a hero, so noble 🙄). She ended up kicking him out. I did a silent fist pump when I heard!
BU
Yes, they are such noble heros for “staying for the sake of the kids.” 🙄 I wasn’t actively chatting with him much when his marriage was ending but soon after it did, he was smearing her in exactly the same way as yours did. He also made it sound like HE was the one to end things, when it was in fact his ex who wanted the divorce.
Same here too, lol – he made out he’d left her, but I know he didn’t because he needed her for housing, etc. He had too much to lose by leaving, that’s why I believe she kicked him out. I bet that in itself was a job and a half, so well done to her!
BU
Yes, definitely kudos to her! Now, will she keep him out? Mine has said that he was so desperate to be away from his ex, he let her “buy him out” of the house, keep everything, and he was the one to leave. Obviously this (and everything he told me) is highly questionable at best 🙄🙄
I actually think she might…her FB profile appeared on my timeline the other day under the “people you may know” guise – he’s somatic and prefers a certain hair colour – well, she’s gone the complete opposite; a complete, drastic change. Even I was taken aback. However, she didn’t look angry or sad, she looked really happy, so I’m guessing she’s enjoying her new freedom. I can only imagine the misery she’s been enduring for the last two years, so I’m really pleased for her.
He doesn’t know I’ve seen this picture so it’s all the more hilarious when he spins his yarns, because things just don’t add up. They really do believe their own BS!
BU
They certainly do believe their own BS! Also, I can’t stand that suggestion feature on FB. His newly installed appliance has come up about 3x despite my clicking REMOVE and him being BLOCKED.
Joanne,
I wonder if the FB suggestion of the new applicance keeps coming up because they are checking your page….possible?
Kim e
Well, it’s probably because I have looked at HER page (I continue breaking NC by viewing his social media). I was such a quick blip on his radar that it’s doubtful she even is aware that I exist.
Joanne,
After I asked you about the FB connection to friends suggestions, I thought OH SHIT. I used to check her’s all the time. Wonder if I came up as a suggested “friend”! Her page is locked down tighter then a virgin wearing a chasity belt. I am sure he checks for that stuff…..LOL
Yes, me too! I do wonder if it’s sometimes prompted by either us or them looking at each other’s profile page – which means it’s not as anonymous as they say!! The reason I wonder this is back in the early days after I was disengaged from, when I was checking her page, she came up in this feature a lot, but now I don’t, she doesn’t. So I’m now suspicious about why it’s there again!!
I was not smeared, my Darling HG. That is 100% true.
I did, tell countless people, about what the LMR, UMR, and MMR did, and these people sympathised, believed me, and we laughed together at the narcissists.
The Lesser described me as a slut and used that for sympathy. The Greater I believe poisoned me and then labeled me as a lush who drank to much. The MR labeled me as a disloyal abuser. Implied I was slutty…
Jess
I heard that tumour too! Funny how far a smear will spread!
That was a joke!
But I will say that you are an incredibly beautiful woman. Are you abuse free now?
I was a NISS the Narc smeared my bathroom tiles with some clear resin/ glue. Maybe that was the physical indicator a campaign against me was to begin. He was a closet gay so part of the smear campaign was to imply I was interested in other women in his Harem. I’m sure it included alcohol misuse as he was always supplying me with lots of wine while dining under the pretence of being generous. He smeared another secondary source with alcohol misuse. I found this site, gained knowledge and understanding and went No contact.
I don’t believe he smeared me as our mutual friends (who he introduced me to) are actually closer to me than him now. But he did lie to everyone who knew both of us and tell them how horrible he felt that our relationship didn’t work, so then everyone felt sorry for him. I felt like I couldn’t tell them how evil he really was, because no one would believe me.
As far as I know, I haven’t been smeared.
Our mutual friends from my old workplace, still contact me all the time with terms of endearments and invites to social events.
If they thought poorly of me due to smearing, why would they be caring? There are no Narcissists among those friends. They are good, kind and caring people.
actually he was smeared by 2 of his friend to me, not exactly smeared they just told me that i shouldn’t care and told me of some things he did to my precessors, even before disengment his best friend was always telling me to not care about his sulking and silent treatements, that he does it to evryone.
even when he went to hospital evryone told me that it was just a manipulation and that he was ok (he was indeed ok).
so if he smeared me, at least i didn’t hear about it.
I think my disposition about his behavior has been far more believable, especially aided with the social media blitz last year documenting nonsense. Saying less is better—in hindsight I wouldn’t have verbally regurgitated so much and would have been more selective re, illustrating his behavior. So, for anyone reading this I would advise being judicious about a reciprocal smear. It issues challenge fuel if they hear it and decreases credibility. Fortunately, I was believed ultimately but likely only due to his social media activity.
I wish I knew.
Everybody around ex-narc IP (his army) started to avoid me after he cut me out of his life, but to this day I do not know what was said about me.
I don’t know what he told people about why he cut me out of his life. Bearing in mind we work in the same field, so we have many of the same connections as a result of this, but not one person will tell me what he’s said about me, but I know he’s said SOMETHING.
However he has told everybody that his first wife was a violent raging alcoholic and unfit mother. So there’s that. It’s not about me of course, but it shows an example of his smear campaign against someone else in the past.
I was labeled with all that you listed. What surprised me, was how the narcissist hardly lost credibility even with the overuse of the accusations. Some people, even professionals believe everything they hear/read.
Indeed ANM and there are a variety of reasons why that is the case, as set out in the book Smeared.
Smeared just came in the mail today. I will read it first. Also received No Contact, Sitting Target, Red Flag, and Danger. Already planning the next set to make sure they get here before I get through these.
Thank you for ordering. You will find them of considerable assistance.
Yes, I read Smeared a few years ago. You would just think that logically that less is more, but not to my narcissist ex.